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Holdout for Worse

I don’t think any of us slept great last night, except maybe Muad’Dib, who stayed curled up by our legs. It was humid and sweaty all night long. When I got to work, I spent a ridiculous amount of time cleaning out hundreds of email drafts because Outlook gets really happy about saving nothing just in case you want to go back to nothing and start from nothing.

I didn’t leave all day, surviving on a cup of coffee and a single slice of cold, leftover pizza. I spent the afternoon read historical emails between waiting for access to systems. The problem is that I haven’t really had to do anything in any of the systems I’ve gained access to so far, so I still don’t know what I’m doing. It still feels like this is less of an IT job and more of a generalist catch-anything role, but I can be good with that. It’s a nice change of pace. I just need to find my ambition in something that calls to me.

For some reason, Eli was blocking the driveway when I got home, so I waited for him to clear a path for me to get in. Then I found the three of them on the couch just lounging around. I got changed, vacuumed the dog, and pretty quickly got dinner started for Summer and myself. The kids had already eaten one of the steaks, so I ate the other while Summer had chicken wings and a rib. The kids ate the two remaining baby baked potatoes as well, so we just had croissants to go with our greasy meat. It was all very heavy and particularly unpleasant for me, anyway.

Summer and I ended the night with an episode of Ironheart and then she went to bed. I had laundry to finish, among other chores, before bed.

Looting this item will bind it to you.

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Smoke and Fire

Summer made us bacon, egg, and cheese bagels this morning. I didn’t feel great for most of the day, but she wanted me to smoke some ribs. I had pulled out a frozen prime rib last night, and I figured we could go to the store to get ribs and anything else we wanted to smoke.

Muad’Dib really wanted to get out, so we took him and just let him hang out in the car while we went in to the Neighborhood Market. We got a couple racks of ribs, potatoes, asparagus, corn, a couple sausages, some chicken quarters, and a couple steaks since a lot of it was on sale. When we got to the house, Summer cleaned the potatoes while I got the smoker going.

I managed to fit both ribs, the chicken quarters, and the prime rib on the grill for smoking, and let it go for about four or five hours. I probably could have turned the temperature down even lower, but I didn’t get started as early as I intended, and I wanted to make sure everything finished on time. The chicken came off first, and then I had room to add the corn and steaks. As everything was finishing up, I turned the heat up to cook the corn and asparagus.

I guess the massive amount of meat had dripped enough grease that I immediately had a fire start burning out of control. Luckily I had the fire extinguisher in the kitchen, and that put it out really quickly without any fuss. The sausages and steaks were really the only things that got black from that smoke, but they should still be fine.

Eaddie had Eli over and the four of us all sat down to eat way too much. We didn’t even touch the chicken, but I bet it will be good to take to work with some rice. It was pretty quiet after we ate. I had been feeling extra depressed all day, so I just wanted to avoid any more interactions. I eventually took a shower and went to bed.

Yù Yī

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Aisle 5

Summer went to the gym this morning, then came home and mowed the lawn. I slowly chipped away at the dining area, trying to get things to their forever homes for further processing. Eaddie left to help Maristella find a dress for Jaylinn’s wedding in the afternoon, so she was gone all day. I stopped at some point and called Summer in to have some late lunch, because I knew she wouldn’t take a break otherwise. I felt like she was disappointed in me for most of the day, but I tried to keep things moving.

Mom made chow mein for dinner, so we eventually made our way over there to eat. We brought Muad’Dib along, and he was a little bit too excited. He kept wanting to come inside, and after giving him some water, he came in and sat under the dinner table, which prompted Mom to leave and eat in the living room. Apart from that, I had brought along a water gun I received from Vine, and found myself disappointed in the number of shots it could hold.

We made it back home before very long, and settled in for the night. Eaddie wasn’t long behind us, and sat quietly while Summer did her nails and I flipped through things on the TV. Summer and I watched the next episode of Ironheart and Eaddie went to her room, but then she came out and said Maristella and one of her sisters had showed up unexpectedly. We encouraged setting boundaries, and even offered to be the “bad guys,” but they came in and watched a movie in her room.

Summer was beat after just one episode, so she went to bed. Eaddie was up fairly late even after Maristella left. I was up even later than that, but without purpose.

Okay, maybe it’s silly to hoard bread at our household income level.

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Go Fourth

I hardly got any sleep last night, and I’m not sure Summer slept well either, but we managed to get up in plenty of time to get her to Little Rock for her Firecracker Fast 5k. It started in a neighborhood, wound through the zoo, then ended at War Memorial Stadium. There were a ton of people registered, so I watched the sea of people flow through the starting line, then tried to make it down the road to the finish line.

Unfortunately they had roads closed off enough that runners actually beat me to the area. I ended up finding a charger at a hotel for a little while before making my way the long way around to pick up Summer. I was supposed to meet Kyle to give him the cooler he won, but he wasn’t out of the house before Summer finished, so I just delivered it to his girlfriend’s house through The Heights.

The neighborhoods we drive through were really neat, with a mix of really old and really nice looking homes. After that, we stopped nearby at The Buttered Biscuit for some breakfast and drinks. They were mostly empty, but only had two servers and asked us to wait. Luckily they got staffed quickly, because the restaurant filled up super fast. We got drinks, but my Surf & Turf Bloody Mary didn’t have most of the listed ingredients. Specifically, there was no shrimp, olives, pickles, or celery. Just a lonely strip of bacon, dropped in like a meat stirrer.

The food was mostly good, but somehow they messed up my scrambled eggs. They were overcooked, dry, and flaky. My chicken and waffle was good though, and Summer liked her Bacon Avocado Bennie. We also got some beignets that were great. Overall it was pretty good though, and I figured they were just thrown out of whack with the influx of runners.

We visited the wine store next door on the way out, then headed back home. I considered stopping for a movie somewhere, but we didn’t do a thing. Summer suggested we nap when we got home, but I don’t nap well. We lounged for a bit, I did some laundry, and then Summer got in a rush to go to Walmart to get some fruit for a picnic.

I was a little excited to go to the Supercenter since I hardly ever get over there any more. I don’t even remember the last time I went. We picked up a bunch of food, then browsed most of the store before leaving. Summer tried prepping our picnic several hours ahead of time, then got upset when I suggested that she didn’t have to do that. We just separated and left each other alone until it was time for us to start getting ready.

I gave Muad’Dib a bath since he had been outside overnight. He behaved pretty well, but I wish I could get him to shake on command. He let me clean his paws and scrubbed his fur a bunch. Then I took him outside for a blow-dried brushing. Summer completed packing the picnic, but for some reason decided to load everything into her wagon that wouldn’t fit into my car. I unloaded that, got everything into the car, and we headed to the mountain.

I only remember going to the mountain and seeing fireworks on New Year’s Eve, so I don’t think I’d ever seen them on Independence Day. We went straight to Sunrise Point and ate our picnic at a table. Muad’Dib minded reasonably well off-leash. When we finished eating, I loaded some stuff back into the car and we walked to the overhang. It was way too early to see anything, but at least it felt nice outside with a nice breeze.

People filled into the area pretty quickly as the sun went down. Overall I was kind of underwhelmed by it all. Having that many people around kind of killed the mood for me, and it wasn’t long before bugs started chewing up my legs. It seemed like we kind of led the exodus as we headed home.

I stopped at Casey’s for a slush on the way, then gave Muad’Dib a vacuuming when we got home. Eaddie was back from her day with Eli’s family. Summer went straight to bed, so I tried to lay with her for a bit, but she passed out.

Start to Finish

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This Ain’t It, Chief

I had a Soylent this morning when I got to work, and I think it really did help settle my stomach after the last few days. Joel said we could talk about HubSpot after I got settled in, so I went upstairs for a while. He eventually stopped by and we went down to the conference room to chat. I still really can’t tell what my day-to-day is going to look like, but it feels less based on specific projects, and more about just being ambitious enough to find things to improve. I could be way off base, but I haven’t really been given any other direction yet. I joked that it didn’t seem like this was an IT job, but I think it’ll be good for me. It feels like I’m moving in the right direction.

A little while later I went to MethDonald’s for lunch. The drive-through was packed, but even more people were standing angrily around the counter when I went inside. I had already placed my order online, but the app crashed and I couldn’t see the number. I eventually went to the counter myself, and a nice lady went back to make it fresh. All the while I watched as the druggies and teen mothers with barely any clothes paced back and forth, coming in and out the doors, to and from the counter.

My food was great, and the app ended up refunding me later in the day because it thought I never picked up my food. I made it back to the office and re-racked some stuff upstairs. Teisha came up and said they were shutting down at three, and luckily someone came to get me later because I had lost track of the time.

When I got back to town, I stopped to see Summer to see if I could finally install my yoke. I ran home to get the parts and tools, cleaned up the laundry room a bit in the process, and got back out there just before closing time. I had the process down, but the new connectors for the scroll wheels didn’t seem to have clips to release, so I ended up having to drive Summer’s car back home after they were closed so I could get needle nose pliers. I made it back, and Summer got angry because they hadn’t properly cleaned the pit. I finally got my old wheel loose, all the components moved to the yoke, and after a little bit of back and forth, got the yoke properly installed.

Summer headed home, exhausted and filthy. She sent me to Zaxby’s for dinner, and it took them over 20 minutes to cook our food. I had already planned to stop at KFC for some coleslaw, and they weren’t much better. That restaurant has gone downhill so far that it should just about be condemned. I listened as a young drive-through attendant yelled at a customer through the speaker. Then, who I presume was the manager, went to the window and yelled at him some more. He demanded his card back, then peeled out away from the building. Meanwhile, I appeared to be joined in the lobby by the special education class of 1975. I miss the glory days of going there for the lunch buffet with Allen and whoever else would join us.

I finally got home, and Summer had let Muad’Dib back inside without cleaning him. The frustration and disappointment and depression of the whole situationship washed over me, and he and I immediately left for a walk around the block.Of course I didn’t have a waste bag, so he pooped and I had to pick it up with a napkin I had in my pocket. We got home and I put him out back for the night, then unloaded my car before going to cool off in the bedroom. Summer came back to find me after a while, and fell to the floor in her own bout of frustration. I left her to go eat some cold chicken, then cleaned everything up and came back to put her to bed for her race in the morning. We laid down to talk for a little bit, but I’m really at a loss. Things are bad, but the fact that things are bad is making things worse.

Too much attention.

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TwoDay

I got Hardee’s again this morning and had a chicken biscuit on the drive in, then saved the country steak biscuit for an early lunch. I spent all day in my office just familiarizing myself with things and trying to remember where to find it all. I’ve been in the Google ecosystem for so long that Microsoft tools are cluttered and overwhelming, and it doesn’t help that my laptop runs pretty slow. It seems to always be pretty quiet upstairs, though people will pass by occasionally. The office and hallway echo a lot, so I’m more self conscious about the sounds I make than anything else.

I still had to get my car insurance paperwork signed, so I tried going to a local agent who sold Progressive in the afternoon. She was only a little bit snotty about not being able to help me. I grabbed a little double bacon cheeseburger and some Takis fries from Wendy’s, and though the restaurant was super slow, the food was hot and fresh. The fries were actually better than I expected.

The last couple hours of the afternoon went by quietly, and the lady across the hall poked her head in to ask how late I was staying. Without being given actual working hours, I let her know I could walk out at any point. She had a key to lock up, and figured we were the last ones there, so we walked out together through a dark office downstairs.

I drove straight home to find Summer and Eaddie playing Guitar Hero in her room. Eli showed up just a moment later, and then I jumped in to play a song with Eaddie and Eli. Summer wanted to eat after that, but I had to take care of a bunch of Vine stuff. She was stressed by it at first, but ended up really liking the things I got for her.

We eventually made it to Morelos for a surprisingly cheap dinner date. All these restaurants offering discounts to pay with cash, and charging extra to pay by card, are making me consider my options. I still hate how dirty cash is though. I’d rather keep my wallet lighter and keep their checks on the books.

Eaddie had Maristella and about half a dozen of her siblings over, and they were all watching TV and playing in the living room when we got home. I received a response from FutureMotion earlier in the day that my Onewheel was in for repairs. They said the controller module was replaced under warranty, suggested I pay $125 to have them replace the tire because it was “significantly out of round,” they replaced a loose gasket inside the motor “as a courtesy” that was causing a clicking sound that I had never noticed, that the battery module was somehow out of spec and would have to be replaced for $700 because it was only covered for six months rather than the whole year. That seemed like a lot of money for a $2,950 board, but the kicker was that they wanted $80 shipping to send it back to me.

But look at me, all made-of-money and shit.

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Breaker Breaker 1-8

I got out early enough to stop at Hardee’s for a Frisco breakfast sandwich on the drive in to work. After driving all the way to North Little Rock yesterday, today felt like a breeze. Teisha wasn’t there yet, so Joel gave me a quick tour upstairs and showed me to my office. It took a little work to get into my laptop due to two-factor and unfamiliarity with their setup, but we eventually got it. I rearranged very lightly until Teisha came to get me and start my paperwork downstairs.

We worked on that for a bit, and then she gave me a tour of the downstairs. It will take me quite a while to familiarize myself with everyone there. When we got to the customer service office, they had a tiny, fluffy dog hanging out in there. I tried not to get too excited, but it would be neat to be able to bring Muad’Dib on occasion.

I finished the morning reading through training documentation, which mostly didn’t really apply to my role, but had to be done. Then I left around lunch time so I could get back to town for my hematologist follow-up. I stopped at Taco Bell in Morrilton to get something to eat on the drive, and ran into Francis as they drove through the drive-through. He stopped to chat, and then I got my order and hit the road.

I was worried about being late, but when I got to Genesis and started to check in, I noticed the clock said I was an hour early. My guess was that the laptop was in the wrong time zone, so I left an hour earlier than I needed to. Fortunately they were able to squeeze me in, and the doctor tried to get me on a lower regimen of iron and a return visit in six months. I suggested instead that I should just call it good and walk away. He seemed surprised, but then agreed that a follow up with my PCP would be good enough to monitor my status before deciding to proceed with any specialist treatment.

When I had just gotten into town, I passed Suzanne and called to see if she wanted to get together. After my appointment, I met her, Dawn, and her dog Elvis at Point Remove for beer and pizza. We chatted for a long while in a mostly empty taproom, and I avoided fussing about stolen valor with their fake service dog.

I went home after that, and Eaddie was in the shower. I discovered Muad’Dib had chewed up a bunch of stuff he had evidently pulled off of Summer’s dresser. I tried cleaning up a bit, and when Eaddie finally presented herself, I addressed the fact that I had disabled her Discover card after I found she had thrown away a bunch of good stuff, including a metal spoon from our silverware drawer. She walked back to her room, left out the pizza box that she didn’t finish, and then came back out to leave, saying she wished I had brought it up sooner. She was super upset, got choked up, and nearly started to cry, which I didn’t completely understand. My goal was to address it with her in a way that wasn’t demeaning or embarrassing in front of her friends the night before, so I really don’t know how I could have approached it any better.

Summer was home shortly after that, and we talked about it. That went fairly expectedly, and then I walked Muad’Dib around the block while she took a bath. He had been outside all day, so I gave him a bath when we got home. The girls talked at some point, and then we all talked together, and then they talked, and then Eaddie came to talk to me. She just wants us to split up, plain and simple. I don’t feel like I’ve been taken seriously as a disciplinarian, and at this point she’s already on her way to living her own life anyway. I’ve done what I can, and I don’t expect to make any sweeping changes on a weeknight after my first day at a new job. Maybe we’ll figure it out tomorrow.

So you’re just gonna like… trust me?

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Unvaluable

Eaddie accidentally locked Muad’Dib out on the wrong side of the baby gate last night, so at some point I woke up and he met me on the other side of the closed bedroom door. He slept well with me after that, and I was only a little bit disoriented when my alarm went off to get ready for work.

I stopped at McDonald’s in Atkins for a bagel and made it to work a little late, as planned. My desk had already been scavenged for parts, but I still had my docking station and a couple monitors. I got things set up, and then Randy immediately had me start imaging a couple of laptops for him. I had to fix the OS deployment in SCCM after they had changed some things, but I got everything working well enough.

I probably worked more today than I did the rest of the month. Randy also needed the web server fixed to host student photos, which was easy enough to do. My biggest concern was getting what I wanted copied over and brought home.

Kyle really wanted a Chinese buffet for lunch, so Randy drove us all the way up to Jacksonville since there didn’t appear to be a closer one. Maggie and her youngest, who had been hanging out with us in the office all day, met us there. It was called “New China” and looked very similar to the one in Russellville, but I think they had a better variety of foods. I really liked it. The only big disappointments were the thinness of the egg drop soup and the temperature of the fried fish.

I cut the afternoon short because I had to get across the river to have my blood drawn before my follow up appointment tomorrow. When I got to Genesis, they seemed confused that anyone would tell me to just walk in and have blood drawn, but they got it done after a short wait. I continued toward home after that, through a little bit of rain, and decided to stop at Bitec to confirm my start time and whether I needed to bring anything else with me for my first day. Joel appeared to be the only one there, and suggested that I might bring my two forms of ID just in case any paperwork wasn’t completed.

Summer was making cupcakes when I got home, and Eaddie was preparing to have some friends over for an evening of Guitar Hero. They had me order some Domino’s at a near-extortionary price, which I then went to retrieve with Muad’Dib, because he really wanted an adventure.

Eaddie had one or two new faces over, along with a couple other familiars. They stayed in her room to play while Summer finished the cupcakes. Earlier in the day I suggested that she might just make sure to have some free time to spend with me, but it ended up being a really rough night of aggravation and confirmation of misalignment.

I took out some trash and discovered a nearly-full dumpster. Eaddie had thrown away a bunch of stuff when she cleaned out her room, and an unsurprising amount of that stuff was perfectly good to keep, sell, donate, or reuse. Much of it was brand new, and several were types of things we had recently purchased more of because we didn’t know we had any. I pulled out a small box full of stuff before I became frustrated enough with the constant swarm of flies and mosquitos, and came back inside. I cleaned up a couple of messes that were left behind, fixed some things that were done poorly or outright incorrectly, completed some abandoned laundry, and finally sped through my “me time” before going to bed.

Just because they’re intrusive doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

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The Flamboyance

Summer disappeared this morning to run some errands, and Muad’Dib finally got up from between my legs, freeing me from my splayed prison in the night. He crawled up beside me, then pushed himself into me to be the little spoon, so I had no choice but to lie with him a little longer before getting up. It was his birthday, after all.

When Summer got home, she had already picked up most everything she needed to throw Eaddie’s pool party. She had a little bit of prepwork to do, but all I really did was pull out the collection of flamingo gifts and take a shower. Eaddie got up and left for something, so we just got everything ready.

Summer had to leave for some new wrapping paper, and she left all the food on the floor, so Muad’Dib helped himself to a bag of hamburger buns, then hid what remained of it in his little spot by the fireplace. By this point, I couldn’t do anything but roll my eyes. For some reason, she also bought huge Ball Park buns to go with the cheap, shrinking, frozen burger patties, and somehow that was the more upsetting part.

We eventually got everything to my parents’ house, and we started blowing up balloons for a big flamingo arch. Neither of us had ever done that before, so we didn’t really know what we were up against. There were a ton of balloons, and our air pumps were woefully underpowered. Dad pulled out an electric pump for inflatables, but it didn’t push out enough pressure. I ended up blowing up many of them by mouth, but I was so hot and sweaty by that point that I didn’t really ever hyperventilate.

Once the balloons were inflated, she went outside to set up and I assembled the arch. It came with a neat little plastic strip that hooked onto the knots, and I just went down the line filling in the best I could. I had a giant one blow up, and a couple others fall off, but we eventually got it mostly done and carried it outside. That was when the fireworks really started.

I don’t know if it was just the heat, or shifting of the things in the wind or against other objects, but balloons started randomly popping loudly enough that it scared Muad’Dib. He pretty immediately ran away, and nobody seemed concerned enough to chase after him. At one point he actually ran out the fence and started running toward home. Luckily Eaddie and Eli saw him on their way over, and stopped to pick him up.

From that point on, he stayed mostly in the cabana. It was hot anyway, so he didn’t have a great time. We took a dip in the pool, I had to run home for a couple things. I took Muad’Dib with me because he really wanted to go. He just stood at the car door and waited to be let in. We got our stuff and headed back as others showed up.

I had to restart the charcoal at some point, but eventually got things going. I was getting smoked out, but people were also crowding me at the grill, and I couldn’t get out of it. My eyes burned on top of the sweat that was already irritating me. Julie and Kevin took over the grill after that.

Overall the party was a success. The kids seemed to have an okay time, though things did seem less centered around them due to the limit on outside friends that could be invited. We all ate, Eaddie opened presents, we had mushy milk cake, and then people filtered out. Summer, Dad, and I cleaned up, popped all of the balloons we spent so long filling, and eventually got loaded up to go home. Just as we were about to leave, Mom decided she wanted some hamburgers and I had to partially unpack the trunk to get food for her.

We finally made it home where Eaddie and Eli were hanging out. They had plans to leave for the evening, but I had one giant, stuffed flamingo left to gift her that we had forgotten at home. Once they left, I made Summer and myself a couple drinks and thought we’d get to sit down for a moment, but then I realized how late it was. I left her on the couch and went to wrap up my own chores, but apparently I wasn’t vocal enough about it and she got her feelings hurt.

She went to bed, I did my thing, and then it was off to bed.

Flocking fabulous.

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All of This Has Happened Before

Summer left this morning for a local race. She said she was going to take Muad’Dib, but she didn’t. I got out of bed a little later, seemingly stuck in a time loop.

When she got back from winning first in her age division, she woke Eaddie up and they eventually went to get the stuff to bake the birthday cake for the party tomorrow. I cleaned up in the kitchen so Summer would have room to work.

My head has been spinning out, and I just felt incapacitated for much of the day. I kept telling myself you have to break things apart to make them better, but sometimes it feels like we’re building it up to break it back down.

Eaddie was in and out of her room all day on her (now) multi-week project of cleaning out her room. Summer was in the kitchen for quite a while making pigs in a blanket and cake.

I learned that Sharon, the recently-retired music teacher from Oakland, had passed, and it tore me to shreds. I was touched by all of the social media posts about her. I had a few of my own unexpectedly deep and meaningful conversations with her in the music room. She was such an incredibly rare, kind, and loving person to have known even for the short time that I passed through that campus, and it broke my heart to hear of her untimely passing.

I had a long shower and tried to pick up around the house a bit more. I heated up some wings for myself and then for the girls in the air fryer, and that worked a treat. It was a light day for meals. Summer had a bath, and we watched all of the available episodes of Ironheart on Disney+. She went to bed, and every time I looked up, another hour ticked by.

All of this will happen again.