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Lessons Fought

Eaddie called me a little after midnight, which of course startled us both. I tried to answer, but then she walked around the corner toward the bedroom and said she needed help. Summer jumped up too, but I dressed and followed her outside to investigate. Eli was sitting in the Pathfinder in the driveway right behind my car, and had gotten stuck on the ice slope.

We couldn’t even walk on the ice because it was so slick, so I got a couple containers for the kids to shuttle water back and forth. Eaddie was minimally helpful, and sassed me any time I told her to do anything. Summer eventually came out with my axe and started whaling on the ice to break it up. After a couple hours, we finally got free and climbed out of the driveway. I mentioned Eaddie’s attitude to Summer, and she decided to address it right away before the kids left. Of course Eaddie started crying in frustration, which broke Summer down. I meant for it to be discussed later, but apparently Eaddie had previously expressed wanting to be called out on the spot. They left and Summer and I struggled to go back to sleep.

As tired as I was in the morning, we made it to work for a long day. Rhonda said Muad’Dib had peed on Teddy’s bed in their office, which surprised me since he’s usually right around me. I tried to stay focused, but had a pretty bad anxiety attack in the morning. We got mozzarella sticks from Sonic, then a box from Taco Bell since it actually felt reasonably nice outside. Some old jackass parked crooked next to me, but luckily I could Summon my car out of the spot and load Muad’Dib back in when we left.

The afternoon dragged on a bit, and then we headed home. Janice gave me some money for gift cards from Old South and Brown’s, but the latter would be closed until the next day. The girls were at the house when we got there, but things seemed quiet. Summer bathed and I left to pick up some food. Eaddie denied hunger, but I knew she would eat, so I picked up a bunch of wings from Buffalo Wild Wings, and then a plate from Panda Express. Buffalo Wild Wings was terribly slow, and the boneless wings were terribly small, and of course Panda Express had boxed up my order half an hour before I finally got there.

We all sat down to eat, which was nice, but then Summer quietly summoned me to the bedroom for a talk. I think we both knew Eaddie was really upset that Summer had reversed her decision to get out by the end of the week, but I guess they talked about it and it had them both very bothered. I went to talk to Eaddie about it myself, and I felt like we had a pretty good conversation. Of course I won’t know how she really feels, but hopefully she and Summer can revisit later, and I’m sure we’ll be fine if we can all agree to focus our energy in a positive way.

Eaddie left to practice at Witherspoon, and I rushed to bed without much of a catch-up session with Summer. The less energy we have to spend on catching up for things like this, the better.

Beat the keys out of it.

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All or Nothing

Friday was good until it got bad enough to become good again. I stayed pretty busy at work, but struggled in the afternoon as the girls went looking for houses. I stopped by PetSmart when we got back to town, because I needed something to interrupt how I was feeling, and I got Muad’Dib a bunch of treats. Mark needed some computer help as well, so I stopped to see him for a bit too. When I got home, I managed to sit down and talk with Summer for a long while, and eventually we were able to agree that they would slow down long enough to breathe and catch back up from all the recent heaviness. We’ll give it three months without any more of that added stress, and focus on some therapy and heavy communication to see if we can maintain some momentum with our positive change. Eaddie came around and I took them to Waffle House for a late dinner, and we had a good time.

Eaddie was gone all Saturday, so I took Summer to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. They were depressingly slow compared to Old South, and after eating our food, we figured out why. We went back to PetSmart to use another coupon for some food, and then briefly stepped into T.J. Maxx before making it back to the house. We cleaned up a bit and stayed busy most of the afternoon until we decided to go to New China for dinner. I wanted to stop to see my parents on the way back, and Summer nervously went along. Mom had a surprising amount to say, and Summer came home upset for a while, but we talked a little more before bed and then woke up with clearer thoughts.

Summer got some Spam and I made breakfast sandwiches for the three of us. Eaddie left and Summer went to the gym, and I cleaned up the kitchen. Later on, we walked to Walgreens with Muad’Dib to try and get Summer’s prescription, but they were closed. I eventually warmed up some spaghetti for dinner, and at some point the day before we had started watching Wonderman, so we continued that in the evening until bed.

Document the process and build a roadmap to success.

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But They Were, All of Them, Deceived

Summer went in to open this morning, and I did a pretty good job of staying on task most of the day. I stopped to make an Instant Pot split pea soup for a late lunch, expecting Summer to be home just after one. She texted to have Eaddie get dressed to go pick up her car from Maristella’s, but after they were gone for a while, I saw that they had actually been looking at a couple of rental houses, and never even drove by Maristella’s. I texted, then called, and her response was that they weren’t trying to be deceiving, but discovered the new listings and wanted to check them out while they were in town.

I had to take a break to shower, and then we sat down to talk when they got home. There are just so many layers of trauma to peel back, and we’ll never be able to get through it all alone. I felt like we had a good talk, but Summer hated it. I think if we can at least commit to some therapy, it will go a long way.

Eaddie left with Eli for a while, so Summer and I ate some soup. I sat with her for a while, and tried to comfort her the best I could. For now, we continue to ride the waves.

Tough Nut

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CTRL-Z

I had trouble staying warm today. I got up with Summer as she left for work, and tried my best to focus on just about anything. I ended up taking a long bath to regulate my temperature.

Summer had to stay over three hours late because of call-ins, so I ordered some Domino’s to take to them. I made Eaddie come with me so we could try and get her car from Maristella’s. We got the pizza and went to the wash where there were actually only two of them working. Eaddie and I ate a little bit, though she had just eaten a grilled cheese and tomato soup. Muad’Dib enjoyed getting out and continually whined the entire time he was in the car.

When we left the wash, we went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. Eaddie split off from me to find something for her cross stitching, but couldn’t find what she needed. I just got what I needed for a split pea soup. We slid by Maristella’s on the way back, but they weren’t home, so Eaddie couldn’t get her keys.

When we got back to the house, Nick was outside trying to shovel their driveway. I offered my newly-unboxed snow thrower, which made quick work of their driveway. Muad’Dib enjoyed running around for a bit before we went inside.

I spent the rest of the evening documenting monthly expenditures to present to Summer, since she seemed to feel as though she was being cheated in the way we split our bills. In the end, things worked out even closer than I expected. She got home and bathed, and then I gave her a recap before she went to sleep.

Most of our biggest disappointments with other people come from our expectation that they will handle situations with our mindset, heart, and values.

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Wear

Summer got up to go to work this morning so they could start cleaning up the properties. I was worried she would get stuck in the driveway, but she actually got out just fine. I tried to get things warmed up a little bit in the house, and then started working from home. Eaddie was up and wanted tuna for brunch, so I made a whopping three cans of that for pitas. I eventually got cleaned up, and I thought Summer was going to pick up some groceries so I could make a split pea soup, but that didn’t happen.

By the time she got home, Summer just wanted to bathe and watch TV. I made some rice to go with the leftover chicken and vegetables, and warmed up the spaghetti for the girls. They watched Storm Chasers for a bit, and then I followed Summer to the bedroom where she watched Jungle Cruise. Afterward I tried talking with her some more, but she just started getting really negative again, and I couldn’t break her out of it.

I went to my office for a while to wrap up the evening, and had an anxiety attack just as I was getting ready to go to bed.

because an echo is always followed by silence.

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Never Stop Never Stopping

I slept in a little bit since I would be working from home today in the ice. Summer got up and made us corned beef hash for breakfast. Eaddie was eventually dropped back off at home, so the girls sat in the living room cross stitching all day.

Dad went out sledding, so Muad’Dib and I walked his direction and encountered him walking toward us. He went down a couple good hills, and Muad’Dib had a good run. We encountered a flock of children out doing the same, and before long I had to get back to work.

Summer eventually started on some tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and then Eaddie wanted to watch something that wasn’t funny or serious, so I put on the crab rave video. I think that pretty much nailed the assignment, but then we watched Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. Eaddie and I found it to be pretty funny, but Summer went through the whole movie with a contorted face.

After that, Eaddie baked some brownies and we all went to bed.

Mania

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Fire and Ice

It was a little harder to get up this morning, and I just wanted to stay in bed a little longer. Summer took Muad’Dib out into the snow again, and I made some breakfast for us, which ended up being our only meal for the day. I fried some potatoes, shallots, and garlic with any spices that spoke to me from the cabinet. I fried the eggs before I remembered there was bacon, so that was a little late. everything was really good though.

Summer sat cross stitching again for nearly the entire day. I had trouble keeping a roaring fire going for her, and bounced around trying to clean up some more. I had an anxiety attack sometime in the afternoon, but otherwise I just tried to keep things a little lighter than they have been.

Eaddie never came home again, so Summer didn’t make her tomato soup. I went outside and tried to use my show thrower, but the ice was a bit too hard for it to work super well. It wasn’t bad, but I also wasn’t dressed for the work.

We ended the evening with a big bowl of popcorn and Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3. Things seemed better by the end of it, but all I can do is continue to put in the work to clean up what we have.

Fire Poker

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On Top of Spaghetti

We got up fairly early today. Eaddie spent the night with Maristella, so Summer and I ate some leftovers for an early lunch. I got a fire going for Summer while she cross stitched all day, and got a load of laundry done. We walked up the cul-de-sac with Muad’Dib to let him get out a little bit, but Summer didn’t want to go any further than that. We could tell the streets were going to be sheets of ice after a day or two of refreezing, because they were already packed down hard.

Later in the afternoon, we started making the spaghetti to let it simmer a while. I thought it was going to be really liquidy, so I left the lid cocked just a little bit. That ended up being a bad idea, because it dried out and burned on the bottom. Fortunately, even as blackened as it was, it didn’t ruin the whole pot. We added some more pasta sauce we found in the pantry, and I added some water, and later some pasta water to help it out.

Summer had been struggling all day, and wanted to eat on the couch. I didn’t want to make a mess, and had cleaned the dining table for us to eat, so I ate out there by myself. The food was great though, in spite of me trying to burn the place down.

Eaddie never made it back home, even by foot as they had discussed yesterday. The ice continued, so we’ll see how it looks tomorrow.

Connect, dammit!

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And the North Wind Blew South

I didn’t sleep well last night, as expected. I woke up a few hours early and barely dozed. We left the house a little bit late because I took some extra time to talk to Summer as we were leaving. I talked to Joel when we got to work, and he seemed kind and understanding about my situation. I felt good most of the day though, and stayed really productive with a few different projects.

We picked up Sonic for lunch and then drove around looking for a place to hide while we ate. I ended up just getting into the Harp’s parking lot in case I wanted to go in for anything after I ate. The Smasher and onion rings were really good though.

I considered getting some more food on the way back just because of how cold it would be, but we finally just went back to work. The afternoon was more productivity, but then my mood crashed on the way home. We went by the Tampa house to check that the cabinets and closets were open for warmth to get to the outside walls where pipes ran. Then we came back up to the wash to finish up closing with Summer.

I felt a bit better after that, and we picked up Wingstop on the way back to the house. It took them a while, and they didn’t call my name out the window like they said they would, but we made it back without incident. Summer was bathed and in front of the TV when we got there, so I took the food to the living room and watched TV with her.

We had a fairly good evening as I laid by her side while she cross-stitched. Eaddie came home with a new phone she got from her flute professor, and I had a bit of an inner meltdown as they discussed Eaddie’s band trip next month.

I eventually regained a little bit of focus and tried to clean up a little more. Then I returned to the couch with Summer for a bit, and got to relax a while before bed. There was no precipitation yet, but doom had been assured.

Put in the time.

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hIlO

Yesterday was pretty sad all during the day. We dropped into Sonic for a super cheap meal, and then I decided to go to Harp’s just to check out what they had. The deli chicken actually looked pretty good, though they didn’t have a huge selection. It’d still be a decent option to switch things up, because there’s not really a good chicken place. I picked up some beer and cheap chicken leg quarters to share with Muad’Dib.

I was super down for the drive back, but Julie called to touch base just as we got into town. She really tried to stick up for me after Mom said I couldn’t go back to the old house. Then when we finally got back to the new house, Summer came out and told me about all of the shopping prep she did so we could have nice, hot meals when we get iced in this weekend.

Summer and I talked briefly and I started to feel a little better. My buddy Kevin also called to check in on me, and he was super positive as well. I wanted to stay home and talk to Summer a bit more, but Gary and I had been talking about meeting up, so I took Muad’Dib to get him and we went to Point Remove for some wings and beer. We had a pretty good time catching up, and then Summer texted me just as we were finishing up.

Things were up and down after that, but I crashed a bit early with a little bit of hopefulness that carried into this morning. Summer had to open the lube, but we talked briefly before she left. Muad’Dib and I got out of the house early enough that we stopped to get her some Burger King for breakfast on the way out of town. Then I made the last-second decision to get some Hardee’s for us as well, just before we hit the Interstate.

I was feeling pretty good about the day after that, and tried to stay relatively focused. We went to McDonald’s for lunch, then ran around in the parking lot for a bit when we got back to the office. The afternoon felt a little bit shorter because we ate late, and then Summer wanted to meet at Colton’s again for dinner.

I had time to change, but Muad’Dib and I still beat her to the restaurant, so I let him run around for a bit. After that, things kind of slowly went downhill again. I listened as she talked about work, but then we didn’t get to anything hearty and meaningful for our situation. All of my food was pretty awful, from a gristly New York strip, to a seemingly microwaved potato. Her salad even had an ice cube in it.

I took the long way back to the house, then brought in some firewood to let it stay warm and dry for the weekend. It was tough to get motivated again after that.

Up on Melancholy Hill sits a manatee, just looking for the day when you’re close to me.