Tag: anger management

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BandwAIgon

I didn’t think I slept as poorly last night, but I woke up and couldn’t keep my eyes open. I just wanted to pass right back out. I got up and crawled around, but it was a struggle to get out the door. FSD worked the whole way in, and I don’t know if it’s due to cooler weather or just luck, but it still has me nervous.

Things were fairly quiet at work. I messed with PRTG some more, and finally figured out the limitations I was fighting. I didn’t feel great leading up to lunch, but I persevered. It actually got pretty late and I never saw anyone going for food, so I went to make a plate for myself and then everyone else walked in right behind me. We still have a lot of leftovers, but most of the meat was gone. I had a good plate though, and there’ll still be more tomorrow.

By the afternoon, I had to jump on the ChatGPT bandwagon to see what it could do for me. I decided to push it for an animated dashboard that could read my SNMP data directly instead of relying on PRTG, and it actually built something that looked really nice. That was when I realized that Tyler had been using ChatGPT to build his entire dashboard. That made me feel like a bit of an ass for coming up behind him to do this, but the graphical representation of the mix tanks was pretty cool.

Things were fairly quiet when we left. Traffic could have been worse, but the offramp was clear. We got home and I got right to work putting the tire on my Onewheel. I thought I might pre-patch it, but ended up just running with what I had. I figured if anything got past the cord, I’d be in trouble anyway. It was mostly difficult to install because I didn’t have a proper workbench, but I got the thing together after Summer got home. She made herself some dinner as I finished up, and then I ate some before going for a ride.

Julie wanted to come get some banneton baskets that I had around, so I did a test lap to figure out what tire pressure I wanted. She and Kevin showed up and she picked up her stuff while we were just coming back around the block. Then we did a proper run with a great feeling Lil Duro. It held air and felt about as nimble as my stock GT-S tire. Something must have been up, because I just barely missed three different toads in the middle of the street.

We visited my parents and then came back home to get ready for bed. Vine was dropping some pretty hot stuff, like Samsung gaming monitors and a full size E-bike, but I had sleep to catch up on.

!four eye toaD

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Please Advise

I woke up in the middle of the night with a racing mind that kept me up for a while. At another point I was dreaming a bit. When I finally got up, I was super tired and couldn’t get things moving. I crawled around and finally got into the shower. Summer had a call-in, so she had to get up to go to work as well. We made it in, but I was highly frustrated by the intermittent nature of my failing repeater camera. I drove most of the way, and I can’t even remember if it actually died on the way in.

Things were pretty quiet with the training happening off-site. I finally got a resolution on a couple issues I sent to Ashton, and it ended up being SSL/TLS inspection by the Sophos EDR. I let Tyler know, and then ended up spending much of the day tinkering in PRTG again.

I also finally got a response on our check printer, and it seemed as though the bank would allow mobile deposits, but Tammy indicated that someone at the parent company didn’t want that. I kicked an email back to them to express my own desires, but never heard back.

I just happened to walk by downstairs to find the ladies eating leftovers, so I sat down to eat too. Then it was an even quieter afternoon until quitting time. Traffic was incredibly stupid, with people locking up the passing lane with variable speed, unwilling to accelerate to pass quickly. It wasn’t until well after Atkins that I broke through, and then ended up getting caught in the wrong lane to get directly home.

We eventually made it, and I decided to dig right into the Onewheel tire replacement. I got the wheel off before Summer got home, and then had to clean up the hub while she ate. I later decided to try and patch the inside of the tire just in case the spot they circled became an issue. I’ll have to go by and get some kind of patching material tomorrow.

After giving up on the tire for the night, I ate a couple brats. Then Muad’Dib was anxious for a run, so we went straight to my parents’ house and back. I got cleaned up and cleaned out while Summer went to sleep, and eventually got to bed myself.

Respectfully,

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TACOↃAT

I had a much better start today, and had time to grab Hardee’s on the way out of town since I didn’t have any cold Soylent. Apart from being stuck behind idiots hogging the left lane, we had a good ride in, and got right to work picking at UPS and PRTG some more.

Johnny called me pretty early, and I ended up on the phone with him for almost an hour trying to figure out his ESXi setup. I did my best to point him in a direction, but he’s been so scattered in his understanding. I absolutely understand it, but we also learn and react very differently, so it’s tough for me to guide him.

The day went by fairly quickly. I went to Ortega’s pretty late for National Taco Day, so they were dead by the time I got there. The food tasted especially good though, and I ended with a really good tamale and chicken enchilada. I’d still like to go on other days to see those specials, but I don’t know if that will ever happen since I have so many choices on Tuesdays.

The afternoon went a little slower despite my late lunch, and then got a little crazy when I started messing with the PLC again. Charles came in late to tell me they had set up the new radar sensors, so I tried adding them to PRTG with critical failure. Somehow my configuration push failed, and the controller seemed to quit responding. It took three or four more pushes, but it came back up. Unfortunately the changes I made came across with another floating point/integer problem, so I’ll have to convert the numbers to something PRTG can read.

We left about half an hour late and found Summer in the tub. We left for a run, then made it back just as it was getting dark. It took forever to wind down, but I eventually made it.

Restart

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Nowheel

I had a terrible start this morning. I felt completely exhausted, crawled out of bed a few minutes late, and then rolled around on the floor before I could ever get moving. Somehow, even through miles of traffic going well under the speed limit, we managed to get to work around our usual time. I had a Soylent to get me through the morning, and it got me feeling much better. I felt hungry, but still energized. I kind of landed back on UPS WorldShip for the day, and approached it with a different understanding from before. A big part of why I’m slow to act on projects is because I keep learning new and important things that affect my planned outcome.

We took a late lunch for some Arby’s, and I was pretty disappointed in the size of the buffalo chicken patty. Luckily I had a free large fry to boost the meal a bit. I let Muad’Dib run the block on the way back, and evidently he got into some mud when he approached the deer carcass in the ditch. He never got very close, and I never saw any water, but his feet were yucky when we got back. Luckily I had pet wipe gloves in the office. A little later in the afternoon, I started feeling a bit woozy again, and I had to assume it was a salt thing.

Near the end of the day, I spent some time in Rhonda’s office to investigate her needs, and specifically her aversion to moving off of WorldShip. She’s resistant to change because she’s afraid of a couple clicks, but she’s just going to have to learn.

We left a touch late but had a good ride back. As soon as we got home, I gave Muad’Dib a quick foot bath and then took him on his run. We made it to my parents’ house while they were at the store, but they got home just a few minutes later. Summer made it home but wasn’t hungry, so I ate shrimp soup with my parents.

It was dark on the ride home, and just up off of Ridgewood, I started to hear a hiss at an interval. My tire had a fast leak, and I had to rush straight toward home. We made it a couple blocks, but had a couple left to carry the board. I was pretty burned out by the time we got home. This is the second Futuremotion wheel I’ve burned through, and I still have a ton of tread left. I’ve just come to the conclusion that everything they make is trash. They don’t stand by any of it, because they’d rather maintain dominance through litigation and patent trolling.

Summer got to bed and I cleaned up a bit more and got ready for bed. Time just went by faster and faster all the while. No time for nostalgia. It’s time for bed.

Such a Prē Madonna!

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It Must Have Been Bluff

I woke up super sleepy this morning and got a really slow start. I felt pretty crummy for most of the morning, but I eventually got better. Janice was full of head crud all day, so hopefully that doesn’t go around the office, or else I’ll have it forever. Tammy was having some trouble with closing, so I had to open a ticket with Aptean. It took all day, but they finally responded that it was the same issue we encountered months earlier, and evidently a hotfix they applied was overwritten by a later build update.

We started to go to lunch a little early, but ended up going around the usual time. It was Taco Bell today since the weather was still pretty nice. It was windy, but Muad’Dib loved it. He was super good today.

Summer had to leave work late in the morning to go take Autumn back to the women’s clinic after feeling some more pain, and then was surprised to learn that Autumn completely forgot to start taking the antibiotics the doctor had given her before. It ended up being just as well, because she had an attack while they were there, and an ultrasound showed a twisted ovary.

Later in the afternoon, they took Autumn back for emergency surgery and ended up having to remove an ovary. Summer stayed with her the rest of the night. I finished up the day and left a little late, and had to fight some of the worst traffic I’d ever seen, nearly the entire way home. I expected to have to go to Clarksville, so I took Muad’Dib for a run in a drizzle. Dad wanted me to add some water to the pool, so we stopped there first and ate a salad with Mom before continuing back home.

Summer eventually got Autumn back home and said not to bother driving out, so I got cleaned up and tried to make it an early night.

But it’s ovary now!

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Modbus?

I felt myself get warm and cozy this morning, but I fell back to sleep and woke up just minutes later from a super deep, dream-filled sleep when my alarm went off. I remember finding a clam in a small grotto, but then being in some weird, dark alley or basement area with my buddy Brandon, talking to a vendor selling a variety of large mussels to eat. I felt like I was having to wake up from the dead, and crawled around on the floor to stretch and try to wake up.

I got out the door a little later still, but had time for a burrito. I realized it was a mistake to sub cheddar for the nacho cheese, because the hot, melty, gooey breakfast burrito was way better. We made it to work after fighting traffic that wanted to come to a complete stop on the onramp.

I was pretty excited to get into PRTG and my PLC project again, but of course the more I learned, the more I discovered that every path I had taken over the past couple days was probably wrong. Furthermore, I had asked Charles’s vendor buddy about the Modbus protocol when I first started, and he replied that the controller didn’t support it. Now that I understand a little bit more about the different components, I feel more confident in saying he was wrong.

We went to Taco Bell for lunch since we hadn’t been in a while, and then it was a long, dragging afternoon. The drive home was pretty easy, but the car wanted to take the second exit instead of the third for some reason. I couldn’t tell if there was backed up traffic or something, but I didn’t fight it.

Summer was hungry when she got home from the gym, and wanted to get some Chinese. I had a big lunch, and suggested the Spices food truck instead of a buffet. She jumped at the chance, so we loaded up and went to eat at the picnic tables there. Muad’Dib was laser-focused on the cat and kept trying to chase it under the truck, so I had to zap him several times. Sometimes something just gets into him and he goes out of control like that, and I have to assume the cat said something ugly to him.

We shared some noodles and I had a little cup of soup. Then we took Summer home and went on a run in the dark. Dad gave Muad’Dib a bunch of spaghetti noodles, and we eventually made it home to get ready for bed.

Wrong so many times I became right again.

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Clacky

I did a whole lot of typing today.

We went to Wendy’s for a free cheeseburger, Sonic for some free cheddar peppers, and Casey’s for a free slush. Then the afternoon got quiet as everyone upstairs left.

We stopped by the lube to see Summer since she had to close. Then I got home and discovered that Eaddie’s trash had collected ants again. Then I saw the front door was left ajar by about six inches. It looked like she didn’t even pull it shut when she left around two.

Summer came home and we had another fight about it all while she was trying to cook some ramen. I eventually just had to walk away and came back to her sitting in the floor, so I got her up into a chair and fed.

I stayed up late doing as many reviews as I could, but I just kept losing energy.

48%

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Catastrophic Failure

We slept many hours. Summer, as usual, had many more than me. I woke up first, but we got out of bed around the same time. Power flickered overnight, so I had to start my computer up again. Shortly after I got it back up, power flickered again and I ended up losing all of my Tabs Outliner history. That extension has been critical for any projects I’ve had to research, so I spent literally the entire day trying to recover from that.

Summer made brunch for us out of some sausage and eggs we had in the refrigerator. Eaddie left. A new shower head was delivered, so I got that installed. I spent more time trying to recovery my Tabs Outliner, but eventually gave up and rolled back to my last good backup over a month ago. By that time, I needed to take Muad’Dib out for a run. I also wanted to have a good dinner, so I took the Pint X to my parents’ house and warmed up the leftover fish soup while my parents were out watering the plants.

Afterward we rode straight back home. I never could get the Pint over 10mph, which seemed strange. I guess I never really felt pushback, but it just felt like it wasn’t accelerating any further, and I didn’t want to nosedive. It didn’t help that it wouldn’t even make it straight up the driveway without nosediving.

When we got back in, I happened to notice that Summer put some parts of the coffee maker into the dishwasher that weren’t dishwasher safe. I didn’t feel like I blew up at her, but I still had to dig things out of the running dishwasher and clean up the mess. Two components were plainly labeled as not dishwasher-safe. She also left a pretty obvious sticker in place, so that came off in the wash. All of that ultimately lead to a small fight, and I simply couldn’t understand how she could possibly feel like she had any kind of argument.

It’s always simple, stupid stuff, but I don’t know how much more I can stand. I feel like my life was on a steady upward climb before I met her. I was moving upward with my career, and I was cleaning up my home. I let my own home suffer when I started spending most of my time with her at her house. I saw things in her life that I felt like we could improve as a team. Then I allowed the whirlwind of storm damage to my home, my desire to expand my property, and Bác Vân’s unexpected death to push me to move into a new home with her. It’s been an absolute freefall from that point forward. I can’t get any traction on any project, I’m constantly frustrated or angry, I don’t feel like I’m respected, and the only thing I can do to provide any happiness for myself is actively making everyone else unhappy.

Maybe I’ll figure it out tomorrow.

Why am I here?

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Hi Bixby

I could barely sleep all night, between the uncomfortable bed, differences in my travel CPAP, the hot room, and the bright lights coming through the windows. I laid in bed for a long while, unable to go to sleep, so I think I only got a couple hours of actual sleep. I got up and showered, then went downstairs with Summer to let Muad’Dib relieve himself. Then we took him back up to the kids before going down for breakfast. I was really pleased with their selection, but frustrated that the kids just wanted to sleep instead of coming down to eat, and then just complained about hunger later.

We checked out and headed to 181 Ranch in Bixby for the Conquer the Gauntlet. It was pretty overcast, but I couldn’t tell if it was actually going to rain or not. Summer wanted me to pay to be a spectator, so after waiting for them to finally start, Muad’Dib and I wandered into the field between obstacles and waited for them to come around. I took a few pictures, but there wasn’t just a whole lot of interest. It wasn’t terribly hot, but it was humid and gross feeling. We waited for a while, then went back to the car for a bit while they went out farther than I cared to go.

Muad’Dib did great, and got lots of attention from strangers. We eventually went back out and found our crew as they finished up the last few obstacles. I actually thought they had another loop, but they were actually on the home stretch, so we didn’t get to see them finish. It actually started to rain pretty hard, so we ran back to the car and just waited for them to get back.

The kids wanted nothing but Red Lobster after that, which I hated, because there were so many more exotic things we could have tried. There wasn’t really much around us either, so I drove us through Muskogee on the way home to find the Red Lobster there. We missed a turn out in the farmlands, but got headed back in the right direction. We charged just as we got into town, then made our way to Red Lobster. As we got close, it looked completely dark and there were zero cars around the place, so I continued on toward home. The kids had been chanting “Red Lobster” repeatedly, intentionally annoyingly, and I didn’t have self-driving and had to actually pay attention to what we were doing, so I shut them down and continued driving toward home.

After some back and forth, I agreed to drive them way out of the way to get to the Red Lobster in Fort Smith. Our server was incredible, so at least I had a full plate of shrimp in front of me at all times. We ate, then stopped in Ozark for one last charge before making it home.

I had been communicating with a lady about a Onewheel Pint X she had on Facebook Marketplace, and agreed to meet her once we got back into town to buy it. Then Summer informed me that her debit card had been compromised, and she hadn’t gone to get a new one yet. I started worrying about figuring out my own ATM situation since I no longer do any local banking, but the lady said Cash App would be fine.

As soon as we got home, the others unloaded and I took Muad’Dib to meet the family at Kroger. I had previously offered $700 out of the $750 she asked for, but after I paid her, I learned that her son was trying to save up for a dirt bike. With a heart full of approval and knowing what it’s like to want a motorcycle, I sent her $20 more for the cause. I let their son ride my GT-S around the parking lot to see how it felt, then loaded up and headed back home with our new Pint X in “Honda Grom Blue.”

Muad’Dib had been telling me the entire time that he really wanted to go for a run, so we did a short loop to my parents’ house, then back home before dark. Summer had wound down for bed while Eaddie was out and back, presumably fetching cars with Eli or something. I had a bunch of inefficiently packaged Vine products to unbox, but I also finally got my new Pixel 11 Pro. I got the screen protector installed, but didn’t bother going any further than that before bed.

Don’t fight it!

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See? See?!

Teisha texted me this morning just as I left the house, to say that the internet was still down. I saw it go down during the storm over the weekend, but completely forgot to check that it came back up. I raced in and started working on it right away. Of course I also had Heaven stressed from getting a new computer, so there was a lot to do right off the bat.

All of the equipment lights were on, but it looked like the firewall/router had choked. Of course as soon as I reset that, Joel reset the AT&T equipment and everything came back up, so he felt like he fixed it. I think one of the firewall pair was still having trouble, but I never had a chance to circle back to that because of everything else that broke. I had several unexpected devices at every level start pulling dynamic addresses, which ideally would have been set statically or by reservation. I just couldn’t understand why the Sophos wouldn’t allow for reservations, but it’s what we’ve got.

I was up and down the stairs several times as Heaven encountered new issues, but I think I finally had her satisfied by the afternoon. I ended up taking lunch late, which was fine since I brought leftover roast. Teisha also announced that there were several salads from Colton’s in the refrigerator that the guys who worked over the break didn’t eat. The entire day went by super fast, and then I ended up staying late trying to help Rhonda with a weird phone issue that may also be due to the outage this weekend.

The drive home was infuriating, as I followed someone at 40mph down the entire offramp, watching as the huge, wide-open space passes us by and was replaced by two lanes of trucks and other vehicles. I just barely squeezed around them and took off, but later got stuck behind two cars needlessly locked side-by-side under the speed limit. We finally were able to pass one of them on the right, I think because the person on the right realized how stupid it was and sped up.

We made it home where Muad’Dib was anxious to get inside, still fearful for the fireworks. Eaddie and Eli would be joining Summer and me at Cici’s for dinner, but she didn’t want to load everyone up in her car for some reason, and we didn’t want to have to unload the dog hammock. We left him in the bedroom to watch Spider-Man and met the kids at the restaurant for the pizza that all of us were craving.

After dinner, we came straight home and I tried taking Muad’Dib for a run. He absolutely refused to leave the driveway toward my parents’ house, so I tried to lead him in the opposite direction. He refused to go down our street or Tanglewood, but we made it very slowly up Inglewood. I felt so bad, but he needed a run. I had an anxiety attack just as we got to my parents’ house, and it left me pretty dazed for a while. Afterward I felt like I hit a brick wall of exhaustion, but we made it back home, just barely with a dead Onewheel.

Eaddie and Eli watched TV all night, and I tried to finish up quickly. There were still a few fireworks in the distance, but hopefully they quit soon, because I can’t stand seeing Muad’Dib so anxious. He spent a lot of time under the bed again, so I gave him some calming treats and went to bed.

EVERYBODY MOVE