Tag: anger management

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Build It Out

Shipley’s notified me too late yesterday to get their bogo kolaches, but fortunately their app let me order ahead for today using the promo. We left the house in the rain and found a line wrapped around the building, but I was able to walk inside and pick up my order without a hitch. We made it to work through some pretty heavy rain, making surprisingly good time for how slow we had to drive.

I desperately wanted to actually start building out some network changes today, so through a lot of reading, I finally built out some new VLANs and subnets. We took a break to go to Ortega’s for a quick lunch. They were probably the busiest I’ve ever seen them, but they had me in and out in a flash. Then we had some leftover dessert at the office before going back upstairs to continue working.

I was just proud to have something to show for my time before I left. Then it was a clear drive home in the evening. Summer was in the bath when we got there. I immediately took Muad’Dib for a quick run, skipping the flooded basin and stopping at my parents’ house briefly before making it home in the dark.

Summer pan fried some chicken bits a couple weeks ago for a bunch of salad she said she wanted, but hadn’t eaten any of it since. I frustratingly picked through melting salad and combined a bunch of other ingredients I really didn’t want, with dressing I didn’t like, and pushed it down my gullet to get rid of as much of it as possible. Summer got immediately quiet when she saw how frustrated I was, and then seemed to pout on the couch the rest of the night, insisting she wasn’t upset. I came out to sit with her, and we eventually watched an episode of VisionQuest before she went to bed. I wasn’t far behind.

Fighting for what’s left.

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Yes, But Why

I woke up feeling pretty okay, but the stress of getting ready for work got to me as Summer kept riling up Muad’Dib and not listening to what I was telling her. We left in time to get some breakfast to try and settle things, so I grabbed a Hardee’s breakfast burrito and luckily had FSD working all the way to work.

I struggled to accomplish much today, partly from my own trouble focusing, but also because I was having absolutely no luck with the one thing I was trying to accomplish. They said we couldn’t use mobile check depositing, so I spent all day messing with the check scanner again. I sat downstairs with a test laptop off of management just to try and eliminate every possible configuration, and I just couldn’t get it working.

We left to get some Angry Orchard for Summer, then grabbed a Taco Bell deal on the way back. We ate downstairs with Janice and Elizabeth, and then went back to Amanda’s computer to mess with it some more. As I gave up, I plugged it back into her computer and suddenly it worked. My only possible guess was that it was all caused by the Sophos MDR, but I really had no clue or proof of it.

I went back upstairs pretty defeated after the days-long fight. I poked around in a couple things, but just couldn’t get locked into anything. When it was time to leave, we left in a bit of a hurry to try and get a run in before it got dark and possibly rainy. Summer had to work late and had a meeting, so we took off.

It started to sprinkle a little, and got heavier as we rode on, so we went straight to my parents’ house. Mom was making bún bò Huế, so we decided to stay for that. I needed to juggle some car charging though, so we rode a bit of a ride to make it back to the house. Luckily it didn’t really rain any more while we were out. While at home, I moved some things around to prevent water damage when it eventually does rain a lot. Then we rode back to my parents’ house to eat.

After dinner, we came straight home and took care of new packages while Summer vegged on the couch. Eaddie came home for a bit and tried to find her wallet, which she can never hold onto. I cleaned up a bit, Summer went to bed, and then I wrapped up pretty early. The biological clock is holding on to the old time, and I’m trying to take advantage of it to catch up on some sleep.

Catch up!

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BandwAIgon

I didn’t think I slept as poorly last night, but I woke up and couldn’t keep my eyes open. I just wanted to pass right back out. I got up and crawled around, but it was a struggle to get out the door. FSD worked the whole way in, and I don’t know if it’s due to cooler weather or just luck, but it still has me nervous.

Things were fairly quiet at work. I messed with PRTG some more, and finally figured out the limitations I was fighting. I didn’t feel great leading up to lunch, but I persevered. It actually got pretty late and I never saw anyone going for food, so I went to make a plate for myself and then everyone else walked in right behind me. We still have a lot of leftovers, but most of the meat was gone. I had a good plate though, and there’ll still be more tomorrow.

By the afternoon, I had to jump on the ChatGPT bandwagon to see what it could do for me. I decided to push it for an animated dashboard that could read my SNMP data directly instead of relying on PRTG, and it actually built something that looked really nice. That was when I realized that Tyler had been using ChatGPT to build his entire dashboard. That made me feel like a bit of an ass for coming up behind him to do this, but the graphical representation of the mix tanks was pretty cool.

Things were fairly quiet when we left. Traffic could have been worse, but the offramp was clear. We got home and I got right to work putting the tire on my Onewheel. I thought I might pre-patch it, but ended up just running with what I had. I figured if anything got past the cord, I’d be in trouble anyway. It was mostly difficult to install because I didn’t have a proper workbench, but I got the thing together after Summer got home. She made herself some dinner as I finished up, and then I ate some before going for a ride.

Julie wanted to come get some banneton baskets that I had around, so I did a test lap to figure out what tire pressure I wanted. She and Kevin showed up and she picked up her stuff while we were just coming back around the block. Then we did a proper run with a great feeling Lil Duro. It held air and felt about as nimble as my stock GT-S tire. Something must have been up, because I just barely missed three different toads in the middle of the street.

We visited my parents and then came back home to get ready for bed. Vine was dropping some pretty hot stuff, like Samsung gaming monitors and a full size E-bike, but I had sleep to catch up on.

!four eye toaD

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Please Advise

I woke up in the middle of the night with a racing mind that kept me up for a while. At another point I was dreaming a bit. When I finally got up, I was super tired and couldn’t get things moving. I crawled around and finally got into the shower. Summer had a call-in, so she had to get up to go to work as well. We made it in, but I was highly frustrated by the intermittent nature of my failing repeater camera. I drove most of the way, and I can’t even remember if it actually died on the way in.

Things were pretty quiet with the training happening off-site. I finally got a resolution on a couple issues I sent to Ashton, and it ended up being SSL/TLS inspection by the Sophos EDR. I let Tyler know, and then ended up spending much of the day tinkering in PRTG again.

I also finally got a response on our check printer, and it seemed as though the bank would allow mobile deposits, but Tammy indicated that someone at the parent company didn’t want that. I kicked an email back to them to express my own desires, but never heard back.

I just happened to walk by downstairs to find the ladies eating leftovers, so I sat down to eat too. Then it was an even quieter afternoon until quitting time. Traffic was incredibly stupid, with people locking up the passing lane with variable speed, unwilling to accelerate to pass quickly. It wasn’t until well after Atkins that I broke through, and then ended up getting caught in the wrong lane to get directly home.

We eventually made it, and I decided to dig right into the Onewheel tire replacement. I got the wheel off before Summer got home, and then had to clean up the hub while she ate. I later decided to try and patch the inside of the tire just in case the spot they circled became an issue. I’ll have to go by and get some kind of patching material tomorrow.

After giving up on the tire for the night, I ate a couple brats. Then Muad’Dib was anxious for a run, so we went straight to my parents’ house and back. I got cleaned up and cleaned out while Summer went to sleep, and eventually got to bed myself.

Respectfully,

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TACOↃAT

I had a much better start today, and had time to grab Hardee’s on the way out of town since I didn’t have any cold Soylent. Apart from being stuck behind idiots hogging the left lane, we had a good ride in, and got right to work picking at UPS and PRTG some more.

Johnny called me pretty early, and I ended up on the phone with him for almost an hour trying to figure out his ESXi setup. I did my best to point him in a direction, but he’s been so scattered in his understanding. I absolutely understand it, but we also learn and react very differently, so it’s tough for me to guide him.

The day went by fairly quickly. I went to Ortega’s pretty late for National Taco Day, so they were dead by the time I got there. The food tasted especially good though, and I ended with a really good tamale and chicken enchilada. I’d still like to go on other days to see those specials, but I don’t know if that will ever happen since I have so many choices on Tuesdays.

The afternoon went a little slower despite my late lunch, and then got a little crazy when I started messing with the PLC again. Charles came in late to tell me they had set up the new radar sensors, so I tried adding them to PRTG with critical failure. Somehow my configuration push failed, and the controller seemed to quit responding. It took three or four more pushes, but it came back up. Unfortunately the changes I made came across with another floating point/integer problem, so I’ll have to convert the numbers to something PRTG can read.

We left about half an hour late and found Summer in the tub. We left for a run, then made it back just as it was getting dark. It took forever to wind down, but I eventually made it.

Restart

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Nowheel

I had a terrible start this morning. I felt completely exhausted, crawled out of bed a few minutes late, and then rolled around on the floor before I could ever get moving. Somehow, even through miles of traffic going well under the speed limit, we managed to get to work around our usual time. I had a Soylent to get me through the morning, and it got me feeling much better. I felt hungry, but still energized. I kind of landed back on UPS WorldShip for the day, and approached it with a different understanding from before. A big part of why I’m slow to act on projects is because I keep learning new and important things that affect my planned outcome.

We took a late lunch for some Arby’s, and I was pretty disappointed in the size of the buffalo chicken patty. Luckily I had a free large fry to boost the meal a bit. I let Muad’Dib run the block on the way back, and evidently he got into some mud when he approached the deer carcass in the ditch. He never got very close, and I never saw any water, but his feet were yucky when we got back. Luckily I had pet wipe gloves in the office. A little later in the afternoon, I started feeling a bit woozy again, and I had to assume it was a salt thing.

Near the end of the day, I spent some time in Rhonda’s office to investigate her needs, and specifically her aversion to moving off of WorldShip. She’s resistant to change because she’s afraid of a couple clicks, but she’s just going to have to learn.

We left a touch late but had a good ride back. As soon as we got home, I gave Muad’Dib a quick foot bath and then took him on his run. We made it to my parents’ house while they were at the store, but they got home just a few minutes later. Summer made it home but wasn’t hungry, so I ate shrimp soup with my parents.

It was dark on the ride home, and just up off of Ridgewood, I started to hear a hiss at an interval. My tire had a fast leak, and I had to rush straight toward home. We made it a couple blocks, but had a couple left to carry the board. I was pretty burned out by the time we got home. This is the second Futuremotion wheel I’ve burned through, and I still have a ton of tread left. I’ve just come to the conclusion that everything they make is trash. They don’t stand by any of it, because they’d rather maintain dominance through litigation and patent trolling.

Summer got to bed and I cleaned up a bit more and got ready for bed. Time just went by faster and faster all the while. No time for nostalgia. It’s time for bed.

Such a Prē Madonna!

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It Must Have Been Bluff

I woke up super sleepy this morning and got a really slow start. I felt pretty crummy for most of the morning, but I eventually got better. Janice was full of head crud all day, so hopefully that doesn’t go around the office, or else I’ll have it forever. Tammy was having some trouble with closing, so I had to open a ticket with Aptean. It took all day, but they finally responded that it was the same issue we encountered months earlier, and evidently a hotfix they applied was overwritten by a later build update.

We started to go to lunch a little early, but ended up going around the usual time. It was Taco Bell today since the weather was still pretty nice. It was windy, but Muad’Dib loved it. He was super good today.

Summer had to leave work late in the morning to go take Autumn back to the women’s clinic after feeling some more pain, and then was surprised to learn that Autumn completely forgot to start taking the antibiotics the doctor had given her before. It ended up being just as well, because she had an attack while they were there, and an ultrasound showed a twisted ovary.

Later in the afternoon, they took Autumn back for emergency surgery and ended up having to remove an ovary. Summer stayed with her the rest of the night. I finished up the day and left a little late, and had to fight some of the worst traffic I’d ever seen, nearly the entire way home. I expected to have to go to Clarksville, so I took Muad’Dib for a run in a drizzle. Dad wanted me to add some water to the pool, so we stopped there first and ate a salad with Mom before continuing back home.

Summer eventually got Autumn back home and said not to bother driving out, so I got cleaned up and tried to make it an early night.

But it’s ovary now!

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Modbus?

I felt myself get warm and cozy this morning, but I fell back to sleep and woke up just minutes later from a super deep, dream-filled sleep when my alarm went off. I remember finding a clam in a small grotto, but then being in some weird, dark alley or basement area with my buddy Brandon, talking to a vendor selling a variety of large mussels to eat. I felt like I was having to wake up from the dead, and crawled around on the floor to stretch and try to wake up.

I got out the door a little later still, but had time for a burrito. I realized it was a mistake to sub cheddar for the nacho cheese, because the hot, melty, gooey breakfast burrito was way better. We made it to work after fighting traffic that wanted to come to a complete stop on the onramp.

I was pretty excited to get into PRTG and my PLC project again, but of course the more I learned, the more I discovered that every path I had taken over the past couple days was probably wrong. Furthermore, I had asked Charles’s vendor buddy about the Modbus protocol when I first started, and he replied that the controller didn’t support it. Now that I understand a little bit more about the different components, I feel more confident in saying he was wrong.

We went to Taco Bell for lunch since we hadn’t been in a while, and then it was a long, dragging afternoon. The drive home was pretty easy, but the car wanted to take the second exit instead of the third for some reason. I couldn’t tell if there was backed up traffic or something, but I didn’t fight it.

Summer was hungry when she got home from the gym, and wanted to get some Chinese. I had a big lunch, and suggested the Spices food truck instead of a buffet. She jumped at the chance, so we loaded up and went to eat at the picnic tables there. Muad’Dib was laser-focused on the cat and kept trying to chase it under the truck, so I had to zap him several times. Sometimes something just gets into him and he goes out of control like that, and I have to assume the cat said something ugly to him.

We shared some noodles and I had a little cup of soup. Then we took Summer home and went on a run in the dark. Dad gave Muad’Dib a bunch of spaghetti noodles, and we eventually made it home to get ready for bed.

Wrong so many times I became right again.

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Clacky

I did a whole lot of typing today.

We went to Wendy’s for a free cheeseburger, Sonic for some free cheddar peppers, and Casey’s for a free slush. Then the afternoon got quiet as everyone upstairs left.

We stopped by the lube to see Summer since she had to close. Then I got home and discovered that Eaddie’s trash had collected ants again. Then I saw the front door was left ajar by about six inches. It looked like she didn’t even pull it shut when she left around two.

Summer came home and we had another fight about it all while she was trying to cook some ramen. I eventually just had to walk away and came back to her sitting in the floor, so I got her up into a chair and fed.

I stayed up late doing as many reviews as I could, but I just kept losing energy.

48%

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Catastrophic Failure

We slept many hours. Summer, as usual, had many more than me. I woke up first, but we got out of bed around the same time. Power flickered overnight, so I had to start my computer up again. Shortly after I got it back up, power flickered again and I ended up losing all of my Tabs Outliner history. That extension has been critical for any projects I’ve had to research, so I spent literally the entire day trying to recover from that.

Summer made brunch for us out of some sausage and eggs we had in the refrigerator. Eaddie left. A new shower head was delivered, so I got that installed. I spent more time trying to recovery my Tabs Outliner, but eventually gave up and rolled back to my last good backup over a month ago. By that time, I needed to take Muad’Dib out for a run. I also wanted to have a good dinner, so I took the Pint X to my parents’ house and warmed up the leftover fish soup while my parents were out watering the plants.

Afterward we rode straight back home. I never could get the Pint over 10mph, which seemed strange. I guess I never really felt pushback, but it just felt like it wasn’t accelerating any further, and I didn’t want to nosedive. It didn’t help that it wouldn’t even make it straight up the driveway without nosediving.

When we got back in, I happened to notice that Summer put some parts of the coffee maker into the dishwasher that weren’t dishwasher safe. I didn’t feel like I blew up at her, but I still had to dig things out of the running dishwasher and clean up the mess. Two components were plainly labeled as not dishwasher-safe. She also left a pretty obvious sticker in place, so that came off in the wash. All of that ultimately lead to a small fight, and I simply couldn’t understand how she could possibly feel like she had any kind of argument.

It’s always simple, stupid stuff, but I don’t know how much more I can stand. I feel like my life was on a steady upward climb before I met her. I was moving upward with my career, and I was cleaning up my home. I let my own home suffer when I started spending most of my time with her at her house. I saw things in her life that I felt like we could improve as a team. Then I allowed the whirlwind of storm damage to my home, my desire to expand my property, and Bác Vân’s unexpected death to push me to move into a new home with her. It’s been an absolute freefall from that point forward. I can’t get any traction on any project, I’m constantly frustrated or angry, I don’t feel like I’m respected, and the only thing I can do to provide any happiness for myself is actively making everyone else unhappy.

Maybe I’ll figure it out tomorrow.

Why am I here?