Tag: anger management

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Undriven

I slept reasonably well last night, but didn’t let myself sleep in too late. Summer went to work and I got up to make a couple ham, egg, and cheese biscuits for Eaddie and myself. I became more and more aggravated as I continued to dig through the refrigerator, unearthing things forgotten and uneaten. I eventually left to shower so I could take Eaddie out to practice driving.

I stopped for a car wash on the way back to get Eaddie, and it seemed like I either got a new chip in the windshield, or the filler popped out of an old chip that had been previously repaired. It was super noticeable because the cracks caught the sunlight, which made me think it was a new crack. I haven’t had very good luck with windshields over the past couple years.

I took Eaddie to the high school so she could drive around. I figured the best way to practice was to have her drive from lot to lot, park, and then walk all the way around the car to see how she did. Doing this repeatedly in different parking spaces would help her learn some spatial awareness, and timing how many times she could park in the hour got her a little more focused on driving instead of parking and talking.

When we finished, I tried to get her to drive us to the DMV so we could upgrade her learner’s license. She got to the Hickey parking lot and then froze, refusing to get into traffic on the main road. That aggravated me because I had just purchased insurance for her, but by then we were in a bit of a rush to complete a task before the DMV closed. We switched positions and I got us there. I figured we should be proactive and get her a “Real ID” which required additional documentation. We raced to Superfast to get Summer, then to the house to get her Social Security card, birth certificate, and a couple utility bills for proof of residency. Then we made it back to the DMV, but we had switched vehicles and I had to run back to Superfast to get Eaddie’s current license.

When I got back to the DMV, Eaddie said they didn’t need any of that documentation because they just got a regular license instead. It didn’t cost any more, and we already had the documentation in hand, so I couldn’t understand why they agreed to get a regular license. The entire race across town was for absolutely nothing, and I felt again like I was the only one doing the thinking for everyone involved. We dropped Summer off back at work, and then Eaddie and I continued on to get some gas before ending up back at their house.

Eaddie was hangry, so she ate a few bites of some leftovers before deciding she didn’t like cold noodles. I finished them, but we ended up not getting back out to practice more driving. We tried dipping more cake pops, but she ended up having to use some new white chocolate, since the milk chocolate froze up on us. When Summer got home, I grilled the last of a couple frozen burgers for them. They ate, and then we watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I wanted to watch Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but they refused and went to bed. It was late by the time I got everything else cleaned up and wound down anyway, so I just did my best to make it to bed before midnight.

He chose… poorly.

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All of the Thinking

We didn’t get up too early this morning, but as soon as I did, Mom called and wanted me to come shake salt on the steaks for dinner. I tried making the case that it could be done later, but she insisted that I was the only one, and that I should drive across town to do it immediately. I did that and then promptly left so I could complete my own prep work for dinner.

I stopped by the cemetery on the way home to get the tripods that Dad forgot to grab when he got the flower pots last night. Then I went home to shower. Summer had gone to the gym and mentioned possibly going to Walmart by herself to get the things we needed. I suggested we should go together, but then she took the initiative.

When I got to her house, she had a few potatoes soaking in the sink, but not nearly enough for all the people that were coming to dinner. I immediately ran out the door and raced to Walmart to get a bag of potatoes rather than hand picking loose ones, and also got some extra butter just in case. When I got back to the house to start cleaning them, my aggravations were compounded by the fact that she was watching some loud, competitive cooking show on her phone while she was making broccoli salad. I shoved my earbuds in and got to work.

We left the house nearly an hour later than I wanted, because I kept getting pushed back. Eaddie’s friend Eli was at the house and would be joining us for dinner and a swim. I tried my best to rush everyone out the door, and we got to my parents’ house just after everyone else had already arrived. Luckily Dad already had some charcoal started, and the heat of the day got the chimney burning in short order.

My parents bounced around the kitchen as though they had never hosted a large gathering ever before in their lives. Dishes I had probably only ever seen once or twice in my life came out of the cabinets, only to be put back up in favor of disposable ones. Places were set, but then scavenged so everyone could serve themselves buffet-style. It was a cluster that I was almost happy to avoid by sweating in front of a hot grill outside in the humidity.

The one thing we got right was that steaks were the only thing Mom had for me to grill. The charcoal burned out quickly, but I finished the steaks. I got them inside after Dad broiled my twice-baked potatoes, and everyone ate their dinner. Fortunately it wasn’t miserably hot outside, so I joined Summer and the kids by the pool. Then I joined them for a swim after we ate.

Summer was the first one to get out of the pool, followed by Eaddie and then me. Eli was down to float around a little longer, but we did eventually have to get him home, and Eaddie wanted her dessert. We cleaned up outside and then went in for some banana pudding and pumpkin bread. Bác Trân had Radford on the phone when my parents walked out, so he passed the phone to me. I was really happy to catch up with him for a little bit, since I’ve never once had an adult conversation with him in my life. Years of maturity and perspective make all the difference, and it was great getting to share a moment with him. Eventually my parents came back in and took the call. The girls took Eli home while I was on the phone, so they were ready to leave by then.

We wrapped things up and said some partial goodbyes. I planned to be back in the morning before their flight back to Houston. Summer went straight to bed when we got to the house. Eaddie went to her room, and I sat on the couch for a while. I’ll be happy to see next week when my parents can stop overdoing absolutely everything.

Outta the way!

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I Wish the Real World Would Just Stop Hassling Me

I woke up early this morning and headed home to get ready for my interview. I casually made it to Morrilton a bit early and went in to talk with Gary for a little bit. He had planned to take a work truck to show me around the plant, but someone else had taken it. We ended up taking a little side-by-side, but fortunately it wasn’t too hot outside. It was really cool getting to see the industrial process, and I even got to see a full truck being dumped at the start of the process.

We made our way through the whole process, from sorting wood chips to water treatment and recycling. Then we headed back to the office so I could meet Ben and Terry. They brought lunch in from somewhere, and Gary let the three of us eat together and get to know each other a bit. It was a really good time, and we had a lot of laughs. Ben actually reminded me a bit of Ryan with his quirkiness and general curiosity about all things. He was much more talkative though. Terry seemed fun and a little quirky as well. I think we all enjoyed sharing stories.

Since the plant manager wasn’t there to meet with me, I left a little early and made it back to town so I could charge before we headed to Rogers. I stopped to wash my car first, and then I passed Dad as I was heading home. I got changed, and he called to say that Doug had called him over because Bác Vân was breathing, but unresponsive.

I made it to Summer’s house unsure of what we were going to do next. I finally got word that she had a brain bleed, and they expected comfort care and hospice. I had become angry from the moment Dad told me he was called instead of 911, and it only got worse from there. Knowing there was nothing I could do, and being afraid of lashing out, Summer and I headed out of town.

Julie texted while we were driving to say that we had one opportunity to go see her while she was “technically alive,” which is the worst form of alive. I chose instead to keep my last memory of her, which was only a brief hug after I had just discovered the tree branch embedded in the roof of my house. Summer said she spoke to her yesterday and gave her a hug when she stopped by to charge her car, so I felt better about that. I just kept getting angrier and angrier.

We made it to Fayetteville and stopped at Longhorn Steakhouse to eat before the concert. I texted Eaddie to update her on the bad news, and just seconds later I got the text from Dad that Bác Vân had passed.

Dinner was pretty good, but our server was slow and seemed not to be very good at his job. The food tasted like they were overcompensating with butter to flavor absolutely everything, which made every bite pretty greasy. We left there and found our way to the second floor of the parking garage where there was another EV charger. It was cheaper than a Supercharger, so we plugged up and headed to the Walmart Amphitheater.

Matt Nathanson opened, and was a bit more unnecessarily vulgar than I expected, especially for the type of music he played. For having the hit that he did, I kind of expected a little more, but I guess that defines a one-hit-wonder. It took a while for the reset, but then Matchbox Twenty came on and put on an incredible show. They had a weird quarter-sphere on stage with a projector that I assume was inside of it and behind it. Of course everyone stood up as soon as they came out, so the second half of the show was spent leaning against the rail.

My mind and feelings were everywhere, but also a bit numbed out after the constant barrage of bullshit I’ve experienced lately. Even Summer said she finally understood wanting to just sail away from it all. Everyone knows that nothing bad ever happens at sea.

When we left, traffic had us stuck in our parking space in the parking garage for a ridiculously long time. Once we did finally start moving, we were gone in no time, but I guess someone had traffic blocked or directed in a stupid direction. It didn’t used to be this bad. We had to stop in Lowell to charge and use the restroom. I picked up what I assumed was an apple fritter and a drink, and we headed home. Summer tried to sleep, but Autopilot was being really stupid and jerking out of lane changes, and throwing a warning and braking once.

Between Alma and Clarksville, we encountered someone from Washington that was hogging the passing lane and kept varying their speed from 65 to 85. At one point I was passing them in the right lane again when someone else ran up on their bumper. I had enough and sped up to pass them, honking for them to move. They took that to mean that they should run up on my bumper and then try to pass me, but that wasn’t going to happen unless I chose to let them. They ran up on someone else, and I finally hit the brakes to let them fly by me and hopefully go away. Then they pulled up next to a semi and slowed down to about 60 to impede traffic. I ended up calling the state police to try and get them pulled over.

We eventually made it home without incident. I took out my contacts, and then we took the Murano to Summer’s for the evening. We were home super late, so Eaddie was long in bed. Summer went to sleep, and I eventually wrapped up.

You absolutely useless muppet.

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Carpets to Match

I tried going to Taco Bell for a free Breakfast Crunchwrap this morning, but learned as I pulled in that they don’t actually open until eight. Resigned being late, I stopped at McDonald’s for a coffee on the way, and was pleased with how much I liked the caramel. I wasn’t actually that late, and nobody would have noticed anyway. I spent most of the day in my office alone again. The first couple hours were burned talking to Google Admin support. Todd came through for the first time in forever and chatted for a bit, and I had a couple students return four Chromebooks, but otherwise there wasn’t a whole lot going on. I did at least get lunch today.

Near the end of the day, I tracked down a bunch of copy machines, and even went out to the agri building where the outside doors appeared to have been left unlocked by mistake. As I finished up and printed some asset tags, I saw Dad had gone to the house and met with some guys from a restoration service. I thought they’d just be there to look things over, but then I got a picture of a half-empty room with the carpet ripped out.

I headed home at the end of the day, long after everyone else had gone, both from the school and from my home. I had to clean everything out of the other corner of the room, which was the harder part. Summer got back into town and mentioned going home to cry about her day at work, which was frustrating because I had mentioned having to move things at home in order to fix the gaping holes in my roof, ceiling, and bedroom wall.

She turned around and came over, where we shuffled things around the best we could. We took a break for dinner and got Taco John’s to eat at her house where I still had some hot sauce from Taco Villa. Then it was back to my house to finish pulling everything out of the room and two closets. We left things that weren’t touching the floor, so hopefully they have enough room to work. I was really surprised to see that they had ripped carpet out of the hallway. They should have been able to complete the job in just the one room.

Exhausted, frustrated, and still mildly infuriated, we loaded up the twin mattress and box spring to take to the dumpster at Superfast. I drove with the Murano’s hatch open, and we appeared to make it without any damage. Nearly everything has been moved out of one room of the house, and a path has been made to that side of the house. It’s a good of a time as any to get some remodeling done, if I can find anyone to do the work.

I’m really sorry work was hard today, but I have a hole in my roof, and strangers are ripping out my carpet.

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Drive All Day, Sleep No Way

I got to bed really late last night, slept super hard, and then crawled out of bed really early this morning to finish loading up for our trip. I was surprised that we ended up waiting about an hour and a half for Genesis to meet us at Superfast, where we left the Murano in an unused shop bay. She was supposed to be at Summer’s house at seven, but we didn’t leave town until about 8:30.

We hit the road, but then stopped early in Conway so we could wash Summer’s car. I used all of their fancy, foaming chemicals since she had a key to bypass the payment system. The Model Y had never looked so clean, even when it rolled off of the assembly line. We made our way out of the state, skipping the charger in Brinkley, and making it all the way to Memphis to stop and eat.

We had quite a bit of range anxiety since the arrival percentage just kept rapidly dropping, but we made it. The Supercharger was on the outskirts of a parking lot, and then we walked to a place called Kami Ramen Bar for lunch. The food was awesome, and the service was fast, straightforward, and friendly.

Our next stop was Nashville, where we walked through Target while we waited. When we left, I had Summer stop at Sonic so I could get a drink. What I got ended up being mostly ice cream though, so I stayed thirsty the rest of the day.

Our next stop was in Knoxville for dinner. We charged to 100% while we ate at Blaze Pizza. I wasn’t at all impressed with what Summer ordered, so I ordered another custom pizza online and ate that instead.
We powered on through the night, stopping one last time in Atkins at a Supercharger that happened to be in the parking lot of a Comfort Inn. Then Summer finished the last leg of the trip to get us into Roanoke for the night.

When we pulled up to the Best Western, two of the EV spots were ICEd out, with one of those vehicles being an SUV with handicapped tags parked over the line, nearly blocking the last available spot. I contemplated parking behind those two cars and running the charger out to ours, but I didn’t want to risk retaliation. Instead, we risked parking too close to a handicapped beater vehicle with the wheel cocked right into our car. I took pictures of the license plate and handicapped tag just in case we found their paint on our car the next morning.

As we got into the hotel, we were assaulted by a variety of smells that I attributed to body odor and weed. Luckily the room didn’t smell awful, and I was able to drop the temperature way down before we made it to bed. Genesis was the first into the shower, followed by Eaddie. I wrapped up my chores, and then it was off to bed for me.

I would get a ticket for parking in a handicapped spot, so why wouldn’t they get a ticket for parking in an EV spot?

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On the Subject of Pedestals

Eaddie has been wanting to go out on a hike, so she and Summer decided today was the day. I suggested Pedestal Rock, a place I hadn’t been there since I was a child, because it seemed like an easy enough hike for someone in my condition. They jumped right out of bed and were ready to go, so I took the opportunity to shower while they went to the store to get lunch materials. Then they brought the Model Y over to charge while we took mine up to Pelsor.

Nobody had eaten yet, and I didn’t want to drive for an hour and then hike for just as long before we could sit down and eat sandwiches, so I stopped at Sonic before we got to Dover. It was a pretty middling experience, made slightly worse by the fact that we then weren’t really hungry enough for lunch on the trail afterward.

We walked the Pedestal Rocks trail, which was longer than Kings Bluff. It wasn’t too incredibly hot or humid out, but the slight changes in elevation got me huffing pretty quickly. Even micro changes wear me down really quickly, so I tried to pace myself. We made it down to the rock formations fairly easily, and I took a short break while the girls wandered around at the bottom of the formations for a bit. The hike back up to the car was much worse for me, but once we leveled out I recovered fairly quickly.

The girls ate some pita chips and hummus, but didn’t get out any of the sandwich stuff. I found a large chunk of something in what was left of our cranberry slush from Sonic. It had broken up a bit in the drink, which led me to believe it was a chunk of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but nobody was brave enough to taste it.

Eaddie was pretty anxious to get back home by that time, so we left. As we got back into town and service, Summer noticed that Autumn had stopped by Adam’s house on the way home from Clarksville, where she had been overnight. It was clear they had spent the night together at her father’s house. Autumn’s lies about their plans pretty well sealed her fate.

We swapped vehicles at my house and then went inside to chat for a bit before deciding to go to Summer’s parents’ house to talk to them first. We felt we owed them the courtesy, but that turned toxic absolutely instantly. We had barely pulled up when Autumn called Summer wanting to know if we were there to talk them out of paying for her band camp trip. It was a short conversation before Autumn hung up on her mother, and then Summer had to talk JoAnn into coming out to talk to the three of us.

Everyone seemed to be concerned about band camp, because that’s what Autumn called them about. Gerald stomped out, white as a ghost, a few moments later and banged his fist in anger. Summer told him we were kicking Autumn out, and he said, “Good! You don’t deserve her!” I think we all felt a brief feeling of relief until he pulled the rug out from beneath us and said she could come live with him. Then he tried bringing up Summer’s past when she moved out of their house, as though that made any kind of point at all. He cast Summer away and told her not to come back. She and Eaddie went back to the car while I stood there in shock.

I tried to calmly explain the situation, but it was clear he wasn’t going to listen. He was locked into blind support of Autumn’s parasitic lifestyle, and she’ll only suffer for it. I told him that I knew they loved the girls, and for some reason his only response was that he didn’t love Eaddie. That just seemed like a cruel and pointless thing to say, and I had absolutely no response loaded for that. We headed to the house to confront Autumn, but of course they had already told her she was being kicked out, so she was packing by the time we got there.

Autumn tried ignoring us at first, but finally came out long enough for Summer to talk to her. After over a year of hearing her say she hates it with us, she said she wasn’t ready to move out, and then turned to me to ask if I was “okay with this.” I don’t know what kind of answer she expected from me after she tried to send me to jail with false accusations. Summer did a great job of laying out the expectations and where Autumn failed to meet them. We gave her twice the amount of time we told her, and then sent her off with her car title and birth certificate. We’ve wasted enough time afraid for our own safety with her around. She can mooch off of someone else from now on.

I think Summer and Eaddie handled it relatively well, but it was hard. I didn’t really expect to tear up myself, but I did while giving my parting words. They took a moment to breathe, and then Summer took me home to get the Murano. While we were there, she called Nick to explain the situation. He played dumb enough that I didn’t even think to be angry at him, since he was the one that allowed Autumn to stay the night with her 15 year old boyfriend. What an absolute putz.

Summer spent a while on the phone in her car when we got back to the house. Eaddie had taken a shower, and we were trying to decide what to do for dinner. When Summer finally came in, I suggested pizza and both of their eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning and they had just found all of the surprise presents under the tree. I ordered some Little Caesars, and spent the next 20 minutes waiting for it.

When I got back to the house, we watched Modern Family while we ate. Then the girls went to bed. New challenges await us tomorrow, but at least for now, we can breathe a sigh of relief.

If it were up to me, we would have given her car to her in cube-form.

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Old Tomato

Things were tense with Summer every time I saw her today. She and I both slept in a bit. She tried to wake Autumn up before she left for work, and of course I could hear mild yelling from the bedroom. Once she left, I had a bagel and then quietly went home myself for the day. I wanted to read up on some Ubiquiti networking documentation, but I could never get myself into it. The best I could do was complete a load of laundry.

I thought Mom was working, but she texted around lunch time and it looked like she was at home. I thought I’d visit her, but I didn’t get out until after my laundry was done. I had to go by Walgreens first for my medication, but that was a failed trip and a phone call to my benefits line, because apparently my insurance paperwork hasn’t made it in yet. I decided not to pay full price and just ride out some higher blood pressure for a few weeks to see what happens.

From there, I stopped to wash my car before heading to see Mom. By the time I got there, I saw the garage was empty and it looked like she was at work. Confused, I headed back home. Summer was home by then, but the girls had been out shopping all day. By the time I got to her house, she said they had left again for the art walk downtown. Things were still tense, and I likened the situation to beating a dog for peeing on the carpet the day before. I told her I was sick of nothing being done. There’s been no accountability. Autumn simply doesn’t understand the difference between not being a shitty person and working to earn something. I’m not going to keep my mouth shut any longer.

I ate some leftovers, and Summer went straight to bed. I just sat there wishing I was at home all night long. What a waste.

First fireflies of the year.

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Murder Campus

I rolled in to work a few minutes late today, but that seems to be the atmosphere there. I think as long as work gets done, nobody really seems to care too much about anything else. I didn’t get too deep into much before Kim got there, and then we ended up at the bottom of the hill to finish up our inventory and hunting for Chromebooks. That project was going to take us most of the day, but I wanted to take a break and visit the Plainview campus for the first time.

We had to track down some keys for the building, and then we were on our way. As timing would have it, we had to accept a delivery from UPS anyway. Then I got a quick tour of a hallway they use for preschool, and then a walk through the back side of the building that was blocked by storage. It was padlocked shut, and everything was pretty gross inside. There were some neat things, like a giant, old safe, and an old stage with theater seating in surprisingly good condition. We looked at some carts that I might want to put back into circulation if they’re firm on keeping a cart in every single room, used or not.

By the time we finished there, I was pretty hungry and insisted on taking Kim out to lunch at the Junction Café in town. I tried the Cajun baked potato with shrimp and crawfish, and then Kim got the Cajun fries, which looked like a slightly better deal, though my potato wasn’t bad.

We finished the elementary inventory in the afternoon, which took us right to quitting time. I didn’t even bother unloading everything when we got back to the office. I raced home with very little traffic and stopped by my parents’ house to visit with Mom, but she wasn’t home from work. The landscapers were there, and evidently they cut down her favorite magnolia tree, of which I wasn’t even fully aware.

I ended up leaving well before she got home, stopped by Walgreens where the pharmacy had already closed at three, and then ran home to change before going to Summer’s. She made dinner, so I ate while she and Eaddie watched baking shows.

Summer had told Autumn the other night that she couldn’t go to band camp because she declined the offer earlier in the year. Autumn pitched a fit over it, and evidently spent the afternoon with her grandparents to get money to go. The whole ordeal burned me up, because I’m sick to death of her sidestepping Summer’s parenting, and Summer not doing anything about it. I almost left, but calmed myself down enough to talk to Summer about it. Of course she was just dead eyes through the entire conversation. I know she has it worse, but I can’t feel sorry for her if she does nothing to change the situation. Autumn is just making all of our lives worse by existing, and I wish Summer would put her foot down.

Maybe a trip to Plainview.

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Opportunities Rebound

I didn’t sleep great last night, but my biggest struggle was slow traffic and feeling hungry on the drive in to work. I parked by the loading dock for the second time, assuming kids were only out there yesterday due to the staff softball game they had, but evidently that’s just what they do every day after lunch. Some of them were playing basketball nearby, and the ball hit my car and set off the alarm. What surprised me the most was that I didn’t even notice the notification because it wasn’t a special sound. It was just a regular notification that didn’t draw any special attention. One of the maintenance guys had to come in to get me when the alarm was going off. Unfortunately I didn’t even catch the event on sentry mode, beyond seeing a basketball bounce away from my car, and then be caught by a girl that looked like a deer in headlights.

The best part of the day was the “taco Tuesday” nachos, which was a big, ugly glob of meat and cheese with a heap of vegetables on top from the salad bar. I’ve actually been overall pretty happy with the lunch there. Otherwise I spent most of my day writing up thoughts on our device deployment, and trying to come up with compelling ideas for administration to limit damage and loss.

The second best part of the day was the confidence boost of getting a job offer from Compsys, and then later a request for an interview at Green Bay Packaging. The former wasn’t going to pay well enough for the commute, but the second would be worth the sudden jump. I’ve really liked the people at Two Rivers so far, but it is a lot of work for very little compensation, comparatively. It’s a bit like when I started at Russellville, making way too little for an ever-increasing workload.

I made it home through some more slow traffic, but Summer was charging in the garage, so I changed clothes and took my car for a wash. Then I came back home to do some laundry. Once it was in the dryer, I left to visit my parents, but they were out at Lelan’s shop getting Mom’s hair cut. I turned back around and waited out the laundry, and then headed up to Summer’s for the evening.

Summer was already in bed and wanted me to sit with her for a bit. Autumn started watching TV at an obnoxious volume in the living room, but fortunately left around the time I was getting ready for bed. Eaddie decided she didn’t want to go to work with me, but then came out fussing that she didn’t have a source to stream The Office. First world problems.

Don’t blow it.

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Fed

I made it to bed a little early last night, so I ended up wide awake before my alarm this morning. That allowed me to get a very small head-start on my day, and I made it to work a few minutes early. I brought the leftover chicken sandwich from Burger King and ended up eating it an hour or two into my day, and then did my best to accomplish anything at all. It’s so hard not to be incredibly scattered, just because so many things need attention.

I didn’t take a lunch, and I ended up staying fairly late to finish up an email, to which I didn’t even really receive a satisfying response. I raced home so I wouldn’t burn the remainder of my evening, but as soon as I got up to Summer’s, she and Eaddie just wanted food. I immediately threw the super old, leftover ham bone into the Instant Pot along with some beans and anything else I could find.

Eaddie wanted to watch Modern Family and wasn’t willing to wait for soup, so she made a bowl of ramen. Summer ended up not eating anything at all before going to bed. I was frustrated and bitter, so I had a small bowl myself before going to bed.

All the way up.