Tag: anger management

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Chasing Lightning

It was a bit rainy on the way to work, but the drive wasn’t too bad. Lightning rippled through the clouds a few times, creating a fishing net of light cast across the sky. I arrived fairly early and Randy was already hard at work with the domain controllers. I mostly sat back so we didn’t have too many hands in the cookie jar, and instead fought an issue for our Cenergistic guy who couldn’t figure out how to remote into the system I set up for him. He eventually came by the office so I could take a look at his laptop, and it looked like he just couldn’t save the connection because of rotating credentials.

Randy and I met Jay, Charles, Kyle, and Hunter at Cotham’s for lunch, and I think my burger was even bigger than usual. It was great, and I tried to impart as much wisdom onto Jay as I could. I was feeling a little frisky, so I almost approached a girl for him, who he was eyeing, but I figured that would be best saved for another time.

Randy left for the day after dropping me off, and with Maggie out all day, things were quiet at the office. Time got away from me a bit, and then it was an aggravatingly slow drive home through traffic. The kids had just finished eating some leftovers when I got there, so I took Muad’Dib out for a run.

We went all the way out to Casey’s so I could redeem a free slush. We encountered an old lady walking a rather unruly dog, and she pointed at us saying it was bad because her dog didn’t like it. Muad’Dib stayed right by my side with hardly a look, and waited patiently outside while I got my slush. Tracy saw me walking out and said hello, and I thought the number of call center throwbacks has been wild this year. Muad’Dib and I rode down the sidewalk and crossed over without any trouble, and I decided to swing through the Ridgewood Brothers to see if anyone was home.

Failing there, we continued past Kroger, across town, through the basin for a dip, and down to see Dad for a while before we made it home. Seven and a half miles, and he loved every bit of it. The kids were gone, but Summer got home shortly after we did. She ate some leftovers, and then we wound down pretty quickly. Eaddie tried on her graduation gown when she got home, and it was off to bed before the Toad Suck race in the morning.

’cause the love that you lost wasn’t worth what it cost

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Day Drunk Productivity Suite

We got up for breakfast this morning, but Eaddie left for church and it was just the two of us. I thought Summer was making pancakes, but she had actually planned to make biscuits. We ended up scratching the bread altogether and cleaned up some hash browns with eggs and sausage links instead. Then we had a couple Jumex Hard Nectars to get the party started. I was determined to drown out the heartbreak with productivity, so I cranked some tunes, started some laundry, and cleaned up a whole bunch of random stuff that had been sitting around for ages. Summer went to the gym, then came home and wanted to mow the yard while it was nice out.

I replaced Eaddie’s shower head with a dual rain head and handheld sprayer. Summer went to the store to get some salmon, Brussels sprouts, and sweet potatoes for dinner. I had a minor meltdown over a spice cabinet in complete disarray while I was trying to prep the salmon, so I had to reorganize everything before I could get the fish on the grill. My silver lining was that I was able to clean up at least three different seasoning mixes that we’ve had for ages. Summer whipped up some awesome sides, Eaddie had Eli over, and the four of us had a really great sit-down meal. Everything turned out super good in the end.

Muad’Dib and I went out for a run after dinner, but he was really only up for a casual jog. The first leg of our ride was eerily quiet, but we eventually saw some people and a couple of cars in the road. For a moment it felt a little too Twilight Zone. We got through the basin for a quick dip, then stopped to see my parents. Dad has had some leftover meat that Muad’Dib has been loving, so he didn’t get any extra treats when we got home. We sat on the porch with Summer, who was sitting back in quiet contemplation.

So much has been up in the air over the past year, and the past couple of months really brought out a lot of pain points that we’d just been kicking down the road. On top of all of that, she finally has her MRI tomorrow and she’s been super nervous. We’ll just have to attack each day as it presents itself.

You and I stargazing

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101 Problems

Summer got up and finally made the Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits that followed us in the move from her old house, along with sausage patties and eggs. Of course I got up too late and had to wait an hour after taking my medicine to eat, but the food was still good. Eaddie got up and went out with Eli, and I just tried to spend a bunch of time with Summer.

The weather wasn’t looking great, but it never got bad here. I started some laundry and then took Muad’Dib out for a run before it started raining. We took our normal route backwards so he could visit Dad before we went to basin to play in the creek. It was a really good run, but Summer had been simmering all day long. We both had some drinks to get some emotion flowing, and we tried to put together some cheap furniture I got from Amazon Vine.

I eventually threw a pizza in the oven so we wouldn’t be drinking all of our dinner, and as usual, things were good until they weren’t. Summer has been so vacant and depressed lately, but also belligerent any time I’ve tried to get her to think positively about herself. I’ve been exhausted by it after this many years, and through my own efforts of transparency, it ended up pushing Shawna to withdraw herself from the situation. Not willing to leave well enough alone, Summer reached out to her and had her call me, so I made Summer sit with me while we talked on speakerphone. It seemed like a pretty good conversation to me, but of course Summer was still mostly absent. Hopefully they can find something to bond over if they follow through with dinner later this week, because I’m drowning and I can’t handle her alone.

It’s a war of attrition.

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Goulashes

It was a rough night, but I still woke up early to check on Muad’Dib. He had his head down all day, and it broke my heart how depressed he looked. I almost wished he had gone too, just for the sake of not being alone with whatever trauma he witnessed. He just hasn’t been right since we lost Stilgar, and I feel similarly. I tried to go back to bed for a while, but just laid awake with my mind rolling.

I eventually got around and spent some time outside with him before getting cleaned up to go for a run. I had been slowly organizing my thoughts for our Indianapolis trip, and needed to visit Dad to see what he had planned for taking care of Muad’Dib. We rode straight over to their house to visit, and then I took him backwards around the basin trail. He did great off-leash until we encountered a young guy spraying something on his lawn. Evidently he had an infant in a car seat in his garage floor, and Muad’Dib made a beeline for the kid as soon as it started crying. I ended up having to zap him multiple times to stop him dead in his tracks right by the guy, and I apologized profusely as I grabbed his leash and took him back to the road.

We got back home and I had a burrito for a late lunch and then paid my stack of medical bills. Eaddie came home and ate some of those leftovers with some Fritos as well, and then thought I should cook something with the extra macaroni that Summer made the other day. I eventually got back out of the house, washed my car again, then went to the Neighborhood Market for some hamburger meat and a bunch of snacks for our trip.

I ended up making a sort of goulash I found online, but with a twist of Rotel instead of diced tomatoes. I let Muad’Dib hang out with me in the kitchen while I cooked, and he was a super good boy. The girls were thrilled when they saw him inside, but I told them he couldn’t stay, especially while he was still dirty and untrained. The goulash was super easy, and the girls really liked it. It made a big pot of food, so we’ll have something to eat as soon as we get home.

The girls packed up and I took Muad’Dib for a quick night run back to visit Dad. Then I packed once we got back home. The girls went to bed super early as usual, and I just did what I could and powered through an anxiety attack.

As in the best it is.

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The Breakdown

I got up this morning to an empty house and checked on Muad’Dib. I didn’t have any messages about Stilgar, so I got showered and took the Pathfinder to visit Animal Control to see if they picked him up. In hindsight I guess I could have called again, but I was desperately hoping I’d get to bring him home. As soon as I got into the car, I saw how filthy it was from all of Eaddie’s junk in the passenger seat, center console, back seat, and trunk. There was crap everywhere, and the gas tank was empty to boot. I wasn’t even sure I’d make it to the shelter, so I turned around and went to Casey’s for some gas first. I redeemed a birthday donut and ate that in the parking lot, then made my way to the shelter.

The two ladies that were working said they hadn’t picked up anything like Stilgar, but immediately knew of him when I mentioned that Nancy had called 911 the day before. They said they had a couple people call about them killing cats, and that one of them, presumably the man, threatened to shoot them if they came around again. I think I knew it all along when Muad’Dib showed up by himself, but it really sank in when I got home and found the “final warning” door tag they had just left on our front door before I drove over.

I brought the leashes in from the car and had an absolute screaming fit before going outside to hold Muad’Dib. He hadn’t been eating, but he would take a few kibbles out of my hand if I offered them. We went out riding around to look for Stilgar, but didn’t hear a thing in the neighborhood. It was almost eerily quiet. We went all the way up Inglewood and visited the bank so I could pay Dad back for writing my sales tax check to the DMV. I realized I didn’t have my wallet once I got to the window, so we had to ride back home to get that, then made it back to the bank.

We waited longer the second time, but eventually got the cash and rode back to my parents’ house to give the money to Dad. That was when I realized they shorted me by 95 cents. We got back home and I got Muad’Dib situated in the backyard. Then I changed clothes and decided to take some returns to The UPS Store and then wash my car before going back to the bank for a third time.

The UPS Store visit was short and sweet since I took care of all the re-taping at home. The car wash was mostly out of soap, so it was a short wash. As I sprayed the side of my car, I noticed a fleck of white appear on the driver side rocker panel. Paint had actually flaked right off under relatively light pressure. I suspect they’ll try to deny it under warranty, but I feel like it’s worth pressing. Finally, I made it all the way back across town to get my missing 95 cents, and took Aaron for a ride in the new Model 3. I took him to our house since he had driven down Inglewood anyway. After I dropped him off, I went by the Neighborhood Market to get some hamburger meat to make tacos and clean up the veggies we still had at home.

I was unboxing Vine deliveries when Summer came home, and I was nearly shaking from the confrontation I knew we were about to have. Then she hit me with, “Why have you been ignoring me?” “I’ve been exhausted and in a tremendous amount of pain from riding 25 miles looking for my dog.” “You’ve been ignoring me all week.” I trembled as I yelled at her to leave me alone, and had another screaming fit in the laundry room after she slammed the back door going out to see our one remaining dog.

I eventually gathered myself enough to try and talk to her, but then after nearly eight years, she finally felt something strongly enough to yell at me. She was mad that “everything was her fault.” Ironically, that was precisely why I was mad as well. Of course she was wrong, but of course I wasn’t going to give her a list of all the stupid things she’s done on a daily basis to make my life more difficult at best, no matter how many times she asked me to name something. It was mutually assured destruction.

I had to clean myself up and went back outside to hold Muad’Dib, but knocked on the door to tell Summer she could come out too. She had calmed down and wanted to go to the gym, but I told her I had stuff to make burritos and that I hadn’t eaten anything all day. Then I asked her the question that’s been buzzing in my head for weeks: Did she book a hotel in Indianapolis with car charging?

“I don’t know.”

Eaddie got home just as Summer left for the gym, and we talked for a while as I cooked. We both ate, and then I had to go back to the store to get some Theraflu for my parents. Everyone was pretty much off to bed by the time I got home for the night, and I was up late stewing in my head for the next few hours.

Broke the Bank

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Stilgone

I didn’t get to bed until nearly four o’clock last night, and I awoke around 9:30 to a text from Dad that his neighbor Nancy had called 911 to alert animal control about the dogs again. Seconds later, Summer walked in and said she had been driving around looking for the past half hour looking for them before coming back to wake me. I immediately took off on the Onewheel while Summer went back out in the Tesla.

I had ridden about 14 miles when Mom called to say they were there, so I sped back to their house to find Summer and Dad with Muad’Dib. Stilgar was nowhere to be found, and Muad’Dib had blood on his front-left leg, and walked with a bit of a limp. I took him home slowly, calling for Stilgar along the way, but we never found him.

I had to take a break after that to charge the Onewheel, so I cooked a couple eggs to eat with the mushy rice that Summer made a couple weeks ago. Then I had to rush through a shower so we could make it to Tech for Eaddie’s send-off concert. It was just their two Indianapolis groups having a practice concert, and then we went straight back home so I could ride around some more while Summer went to the gym.

Muad’Dib and I went all over the neighborhood, and I let him go off-leash with the hopes that he would lead me somewhere. He behaved super well, but was slow, and I felt like he knew he was in trouble. Between that outing and then going out again after dark, we totaled nearly 24 miles but still could never find any sign of Stilgar.

The girls spent all night doing laundry after that. Summer got into her feelings at the gym, but I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with her. I did what I could to try and find Stilgar, and we’ll just have to hope I find him at Animal Control tomorrow, but I just couldn’t imagine only one of them getting picked up because they go everywhere together.

That’s a dome light.

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Chain Gang

Summer was worried about the dogs getting out, even after hammering all of her stakes into the ground, so she tried tying them up this morning. She didn’t talk to me about it first, so it wasn’t surprising at all to find that she had made nearly every mistake I could imagine. I’ve been beyond frustrated with her wasteful, poorly thought-out tactics. Stilgar immediately chewed through the brand new rope leash I made for them, and was loose in the yard. Dad had to go over and try to fix it, but by the time I got home, they were so wrapped up in the brush pile that they couldn’t move.

There was a wreck around the 430 interchange, so I was nearly an hour late to work. I wasn’t surprised to see some woman on the side of the road in full pajamas, top and bottom. Then I was left to sit and stew all day at work until lunch time when Summer was done with her meeting in Little Rock and wanted to go to Red Lobster with me. Just prior to that, I had to deal with a staff member who failed to see numerous red flags on a poorly designed phishing email, and proceeded to input her username and password into a Google Form.

The afternoon went by reasonably quickly after that. I Supercharged quite a bit since I knew Summer would be needing a lot of juice when she got home as well. I was still up late to swap cars, so I was glad I charged as much as I did.

I made it home just after her, and had to shoo her away from the dogs so I could actually see how badly they were tangled up and make the appropriate adjustments before she contaminated the crime scene. I ended up running my long steel cable from the deck to the tree like I had explained to her multiple times, and then found two shorter steel cables to attach them to the long runner. There’s still ample opportunity for them to get tied up, but I think less so than today. Besides, her cheap wooden stakes should have kept them in anyway, according to her thought process.

We had a door hanger from the animal shelter that basically called out the city leash law and said they were accused of “killing neighborhood cats.” We left it at that, hoping the new runner would fix the issue, and then went on a run. They behaved pretty well, but it was odd without their prong collars. The shock collar works great now that I have them mounted on the fronts of their necks. Dad buzzed us with the FPV drone while we were on Promenade, and we stopped to see him before making it home.

I had a bunch of stuff from Vine to catch up on, and Summer had been sitting in the dark watching TV since I started working on the dogs, so she was out of my way. I hurried, and went to bed as soon as I could switch chargers on the cars.

Fools Errands

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Electrotherapy

The dogs were asleep on the porch when I got up, but as soon as I got to work, Summer texted that they were gone. I texted Dad, and they both went out looking. Dad was able to recover them and Summer used a sledgehammer to bury some wooden stakes along the fenceline, but it was too late. Dad texted that his neighbor found a dead cat, and later said she reported them to animal control. I was pretty uptight about it at work all day, but there was nothing I could do from there. I worked on what I could, and dreaded what work had to be done when I got home.

Charles called our Dell vendor to complain about having to deal with customer service when repairing laptops, and got us free lunch out of the deal. Whole Hog tasted like free lunch, too. I had the brisket sandwich, potato salad, and beans, and it was a pretty miserable looking plate. The sandwich was about 60% bun, 20% brisket, and 20% slaw. It didn’t taste bad, but it wasn’t good, and it was cold to boot. The serving size was a small ice cream scoop of potatoes, and the most shallow single-layer of baked beans on a divided plate that you could imagine.

The afternoon went by fairly quickly, and Randy and Jim would be out for the rest of the week to go to the Howard conference in Alabama. I headed toward home, Supercharged, and walked in to Summer ruining what leftovers we had from Noah’s dinner. She ruined a huge pot of rice trying to fry it with the squash and zucchini. What resulted was basically a gummy rice dough with completely indiscernible vegetables, and thankfully no steak. I would have walked out if she ruined those T-bones on top of everything else.

We had an argument, and I feel pretty confident she learned nothing again. I went out to make sure the dogs would be secure after her shoddy patchwork and found a different place where they had started to dig. We ate, and then had to run to the high school for a pretty crappy band concert that ran about an hour behind.

The mentally deficient couple behind us in the second row talked loudly during the concert band’s portion, and I turned around to glare at them. They were mostly quiet for Eaddie’s symphonic band, until the point where the guy tapped a link on his phone, or otherwise somehow unmuted whatever video he was watching. After the day I’d had, it took every fiber of my shaking body not to turn around and knock him out in front of the whole auditorium.

We made it home and it was another mad dash to get to bed. The dogs may get chained up in the morning if they dig any more overnight. The only other real progress I made was when I learned how to properly attach their shock collars around the front or side of their necks instead of the back. I tested them out and got Stilgar pretty good when he started barking at one point. It’ll be good to take them on a run sometime how that the shock can actually be felt. I also made a double-ended slip collar to leave with Dad so we won’t keep having to run back and forth for tools.

More like Won’t Listen-Al-Gaib and Not Stillthere.

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Low Steaks

I actually woke up pretty early this morning in spite of wanting to sleep in a little bit. Eaddie left super early for a robotics tournament, and Summer and I had to get the house cleaned up and go grocery shopping so we could feed Noah and his friend Michael. I got started early, but I think my iron made me queasy again. I waited a couple hours before I ate something, and that helped marginally. Summer went to the gym when she finally got up, and we eventually made it out of the house together.

We went to Kroger first, and it seemed like everything was higher and less good than the Neighborhood Market. I definitely didn’t care for any of the steaks I saw there, but we picked up some fruit and frozen shrimp. I think even the shrimp was cheaper at the Neighborhood Market, but the steaks were for sure, and they looked like better cuts of meat, too.

As soon as we got back home, I got to work cleaning the grill so it wouldn’t catch on fire like it has the past few times I’ve tried to cook on it. It wasn’t that difficult, but I hate getting that black grease all over the place. Summer prepped zucchini, squash, asparagus, and made mashed potatoes. I smoked two T-bones and six strip steaks to temperature before pulling them off to rest before searing. My grill died at one point, and I thought it was the outlet, but it still did it even after I plugged it into the outlet inside. It may have been an issue with the temperature sensor, because I reseated that and it eventually got things reset.

I grilled the veggies and shrimp, then threw the steaks back on to sear both sides, and the four of us sat down to eat. I got pretty upset when Summer made a comment about hoping the boys weren’t slowing down, because it prompted both of them to each eat another whole steak to the point of complaining about having to blow up our bathroom. At that point, I was done having company, or housemates.

I gave the dogs a bunch of scraps and fed them dinner, but we didn’t get to take a walk. I’ll have to make it up to them tomorrow, and it’ll probably be a really long one for all three of us. Summer and the boys sat down in the living room and watched brain-rot YouTube compilations while she tried to paint her nails and I cleaned up the kitchen. Then Eaddie got home just minutes after the boys left, and told us about her day. After that, I didn’t waste any time wrapping up for bed.

Collector Gadget

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Cold Water

I got up early this morning so I could try and get a bunch of things done before my appointment with the hematologist, but the dogs had other plans. Dad said they were on their side of the neighborhood, so I rode around the block and they came running out from behind someone’s house. I ran them home off-leash and they did pretty well, but I wouldn’t have felt safe doing that any later in the day.

I got a text from Zany a little while later while I was trying to get showered saying that Paul was on the other side of their house in Olivia’s yard. Stilgar was yapping in the back yard still because he hadn’t gotten through the same hole, so I rode around looking for Muad’Dib. He ended up coming out from the backyard neighbor’s house on Ridgewood, but Stilgar came running too.

I got them back home and ended up chaining them to the tree so I could actually get ready for my appointment. I didn’t even get to the courthouse before I had to get to the clinic. Summer pulled in right behind me and we found the office attached to the hospital. It ended up being a super short visit. They got me back fairly quickly, took my weight, blood pressure, and temperature, and asked if I was depressed. That was really it until I saw the doctor in the tiny exam room. He asked a few more questions, most of which I had already answered in the new patient paperwork. Then he told me to keep taking my iron, along with some vitamin C for the next few months until a follow-up visit in May when they’ll actually draw blood again. It all seemed super steep to pay $115 for literally zero input from anyone there, and answering what felt like very surface-level questions.

It had started to sleet a little bit when we left. Summer went back to work and I ran by the assessor’s office to add the Model 3 to my personal property tax. They got me assessed and I continued on to the revenue office to get the car tagged and my license renewed. The office seemed fully staffed with a handful of people waiting, and they were churning through them. It wasn’t long before they called my number, but I failed at both tasks. I’ll have to go back with a blank check to pay the sales tax, and they absolutely would not take a new birth certificate from the health department. My birth card and the hospital birth certificate were both worthless there. They also locked the door for fear of the freezing rain, though things didn’t really get bad until long after they would have closed normally.

After being run out of there, I tried to find the health department, but the one building I tried was locked up. I figured, like the schools, anyone in a government office was likely sent home. I decided instead to use an expiring free pizza from Domino’s, plus ordered a couple more to take home. I got to the restaurant early and chatted with the guys, and then Neal showed up and I talked to him for a bit.

On the way home, I noticed Robert and Kyler’s cars at the smokehouse, so I stopped by to say, “hi.” It was actually Kyler and Grant outside because Robert was inside fighting with Toast. I chatted with the two of them for a bit before making it home, where I discovered one of the pizzas had leaked some grease onto my seat. It appeared to clean up well, but the ventilated seats had me worried about what got beneath the surface. It looked clean when I finished, though.

Eaddie had a little bit, but had just eaten some chili before she found out I was bringing food. Summer was on a call for work, so I ate in the kitchen by myself before going out to check on the dogs. They were looking pretty miserable after being chained to the tree for so long, and were staying on the porch with their heads down. I eventually got to catch up with Summer a bit, but then Dad wanted to go move the computer desk out of the bedroom at the old house. Summer and I went to get him and made it to the house, but then we found out that the guys probably wouldn’t be coming back the next day to clean the carpets since they were done with everything else. They could come back when it wasn’t freezing rain, so we didn’t have to be there dealing with packing and moving with the car out in the weather.

We took Dad back home and then I went outside to try and fortify the fenceline some more. The problem appeared to be a soggy spot where the downspout from the outbuilding was constantly dripping water. Muad’Dib is a digger, and Stilgar is content to follow him through a hole. Hopefully they’ll stay put over the next few days, and I ordered some anti-dig fencing that we can hopefully hammer into the ground to help with our little problem.

Once we finally settled in for the evening, I spent some time cleaning up and then watched some YouTube on the TV with Summer. Eaddie came out for a little bit, but I ended up by myself for most of it. I’ll have to dedicate some time to catching up on bills and other paperwork tomorrow, because the tax man cometh, and I am not prepared.

Can you pay my automobills?