Tag: anger management

Uncategorised

Corporate Grin

I had a pretty rough start this morning in spite of sleeping a bit longer. I got to work a few minutes late, and only then realized that I got all the way there and had forgotten my backpack with my laptop at home. I made my way inside and found a laptop to use, but had to join the domain and basically install anything I wanted to use. Fortunately there was absolutely nothing going on.

The day dragged as I dawdled, eventually coming to another lunch hour on my own. I landed at Taco Bell just up the road, and was surprised at all of the eerily cheery faces. I knew something wasn’t quite right, and then I finally recognized that there were at least three or four people there from corporate. I don’t know if it was their doing or not, but my food was awesome, and the service was great. They even had chip ice, which was deliciously crunchy. One of the corporate heads even said something about it, remarking that she didn’t think any of their Taco Bells had that kind of ice. I told her I loved it, so maybe it’ll spread.

The afternoon dragged on some more, and I left a few minutes early so I could get home and retrieve my car from Clearview where Summer had dropped it off for a tint job. She was short staffed at the lube, so I got Dad from the old house where they had been remodeling. Mike was super excited to chat about the car, and charged me even less than what he had said previously.

Dad drove the Model Y back to the lube for Summer, and then we went to check out the old house quickly before I headed home to run the dogs. They had a good run, got to see Dad, then made it home just before dark. I got them fed while Summer picked up some KFC on the way home. Then we ate and settled in quickly.

Eaddie got home late from something, and I was upset that for some reason both of the Murano keys were gone in spite of the car sitting in the driveway. Now nobody knows where the second key went, and I’m just sat there like Surprised Pikachu that my stuff has gone missing.

    ⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣶⣶
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠁⠀⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⠿⠿⠻⠿⠿⠟⠿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⢰⣹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣭⣷⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠤⠄⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢾⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠤⢄⠀⠀⠀⠠⣿⣿⣷⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢄⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿
Uncategorised

Dishpite

Summer said last night that Eaddie wanted to go to Conway with her today to shop for some pants, but Eaddie was still in bed when I woke up. She didn’t get up for a while, but was disappointed when Summer didn’t wake her. I figured it was because I expressed frustration that Eaddie never wants to shop for things when I tell her they’re on sale, but I still expected them to go.

I spent a while cleaning up the kitchen, frustrated that the girls were seemingly making as big of a mess as possible on purpose. With very little thought, all of the dirty dishes could be stacked neatly and cleanly to the left of the sink, but instead they had dirty dishes on every single flat surface in the kitchen and dining area. Summer fessed up to doing it out of her own frustration and spite, which just upset me further because they’re always calling me the mean one.

The girls ended up going out to shop locally, so I cleaned up and took the dogs for a run, which soaked my legs in sandy slush again. I either need to get myself a fender for the Onewheel, or tell Summer exactly which one I want so she can gift it to me, since she’s so adamant about wanting to gift things. It was a relatively short walk, though, and we cut through the basin trail where there were still a bunch of kids playing in the show in the distant field. We visited with Dad briefly before making it home, and Stilgar just kept wanting to go back out and play in the snow. I guess he had already trampled most of it in the backyard, and he still wanted to play in the fluff.

I cleaned up a bit and tinkered with some things around the house. The girls got home and did some laundry, and I was eventually hungry for dinner by myself since they had a late lunch together when they went shopping. I ended up driving around a little bit because I couldn’t decide on what to eat. Taco Villa was closed, so I ended up at Wendy’s. The service wasn’t great, but the food was all actually really good. I guess that’s what really mattered in the end.

Everyone wound down pretty quickly, and I tried not to mess up my sleep schedule too much. Eaddie has school tomorrow, but North Little Rock will be closed again. Essential staff are expected to work after a late start, but Summer and I both have doctor appointments tomorrow morning. I hate missing a short day, but whaddya do?

Tax Man Cometh

Uncategorised

Thornsday Cleanout

I was jarred awake this morning when Maggie called around eight to ask if I was coming in to work. Maybe she was worried, because I’m always there around seven, but I told them I wasn’t going back for just two days this week. I got out of bed then, since Summer had to go to work anyway. Even Eaddie got up and took a shower, but then she left with friends. I warmed up a plate of some hot turkey, twice-baked potato, and sour dressing instead of going out to eat like I had imagined all night long.

I felt pretty bad all day, and started to fall asleep in the afternoon, but made myself take a shower and take the dogs out for a long run. We caught my parents just as they got back from somewhere, and then we came home so I could clean up the kitchen.

I had spent all day in my head, mad and frustrated with the girls and our living situation, and their habits around the house. I was glad to have the kitchen finished when Summer got home, but she reeked of gasoline. Eaddie got home and mostly stayed in her room as usual, and I dawdled a while longer before making it to bed. My nerves and anxiety were shot.

Ya hya chouhada!

Uncategorised

Double Dooty

Summer woke me up because someone knocked on the door this morning. We both assumed it was probably a package, but there wasn’t anything at the door when we checked. She got around to come coffee in an Ember mug and remarked on how nice it was to have hot coffee to the last sip. I commented that it’s also nice to have only one cup that’s immediately washed and put away, rather than a countertop full of poorly-rinsed coffee mugs that collect over the course of a week or two. That upset her, which irritated me.

Eaddie snuck out for church at some point, and Summer wanted to go to the gym. I went outside after the dogs tore something else up, and had to drain the flooded basement. While I was back there, I noticed a hole in the roof where something was likely nesting. Summer took my car to the gym after some protest because of the lack of turn signal and drive stalks. I took a shower, and when she got back, she had a glum look on her face. She then proceeded to tell me about witnessing a hit-and-run in the parking lot in such a way that I was on edge the entire time thinking something happened to my car, which irritated me further.

I eventually took the dogs out for a run since it was finally mostly dry out. When we got back, the girls were home doing a ton of laundry and cleaning up. I messed with some more accessories for my car and installed some kick panels on the center console, then went back to my parents’ house for mango soup.

When I made it back home, I spent a bunch more time cleaning up while Summer cross stitched in front of the TV and Eaddie finished up her laundry. I got Summer’s license plate frame installed, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about adding one to mine. We’ll have to test it out once I get it registered.

I was sleepy for most of the evening, but general aggravation that had accumulated throughout the day got my blood pressure up. I felt a bit of a bronchial cough coming on all night, so hopefully I’m not getting sick.

Easy

Uncategorised

Those Christmas Lights

Summer got me up around nine this morning so I could get the turkey going. To my surprise, we were approved for the zero percent loan for my new car with a low down payment, so I took care of that and made the final payment before I got started. Then I kept Summer nearby because I wasn’t sure what I was going to need at any given moment. I used my new grinder to grind the spices down for the injection. It worked better, but still ended up clogging. I think it had more to do with the fact that the butter was solidifying in the syringe since the turkey was still cold inside. We eventually got it on the smoker though, and then it was a race to get everything else going. I oiled and salted the potatoes and threw them on the grill as well.

Summer did a bunch of other cleaning and worked on her deviled eggs. I took a shower and then pulled the potatoes off the grill so I could gut them, mash that up, and re-smoke them. We were getting down to the wire, but had a reasonably good morning until I got a text that Mom wasn’t coming. I had my hands full of potatoes, so I had Summer call Dad on speakerphone. I instantly blew my top at her because she wanted to blame my blood pressure, but changing plans at the last minute was what really got me hot.

I got the potatoes back on the smoker and cranked up the heat a bit, which turned out to be a big mistake. I guess there was still some grease at the bottom that caught fire, and my temperature shot up from my set 350ºF to over 500. We pulled the potatoes off and Summer finished them in the oven. I was going to drive over to talk to Mom, but just then Kevin showed up, followed by Julie with various things to unload from the car. Dad wasn’t far behind with even more stuff.

We got everything settled and then I took Dad’s car to go talk to Mom, since he and Julie were parked behind us. I talked to her briefly and apologized for blowing up, but reminded her that a big reason that I agreed to buy our house was so we would have room to entertain the family for the holidays, in a house with as little travel from theirs as possible. It didn’t take much more for her to come back with me, but she insisted that she didn’t want to stay long.

Noah was running behind in the most characteristically unpredictable way, so the seven of us ate. I thought all the food turned out pretty good. After that, we took a break to open presents. Eaddie had the biggest haul and wanted to know what she did to deserve to be so spoiled, but I think everyone felt pretty satisfied. After that, it was a bit of a struggle to decide what to do. I wanted to either watch Red One or start on some dessert, but Summer was busy cleaning up in the kitchen and became unresponsive to anything I asked. Julie ended up putting on Elf and they watched that while a few of us got some dessert.

Dad took Mom home, and Eaddie had Eli come over for some presents. Then they put on the Michael Jordan documentary series or whatever on the TV again. Noah finally showed up at some point and ate food and opened presents. I wasn’t terribly upset that he didn’t end up staying the night. Once everyone else left, the girls and I watched Red One together before bed. We all really enjoyed it for being so creative and unexpected.

I wrapped up the night by making some more turkey soup from the new bones we had. I was up pretty late waiting for it to cool down enough to refrigerate, but I was happy to be done with it right away instead of letting the bones sit for weeks.

Light up the street.

Uncategorised

Back to Black

Today was pretty rainy and warm. I got to work, and Kyle was oddly the only one there. He hung out for a little while, but then left for his office the rest of the day. Charles brought in a bunch of leftover pizza and cookies from a party that he had over the weekend, so nobody got out for lunch. Otherwise I was with Maggie and Randy all day, except Randy kept having to run to central office to help with random things.

I got a call from a message from Tesla that they would have to change my delivery from Tulsa to Kansas City if I wanted to finance through them, since Oklahoma wouldn’t allow them to sell me the car because laws. Then I got a call from Kyle in Kansas City to say they wouldn’t be able to get a red Model 3 with the white interior before the end of the year, thus disqualifying me from the incentive. He had a red with the black interior, or other paint colors I could choose from, but I told him it had to be red. I decided to think on it a bit and then call him back.

I looked up some more comparison pictures and reviews, then called back to accept the black interior, but he said someone just bought it, so they didn’t have a red car for me at all. I told him to cancel the order, and that there were no hard feelings. Just as I was closing everything down and shaking off the excitement, he called back to say that he felt bad about the other car being sold out from under me that he did some legwork and got approved to transfer a red with black from Texas to Kansas City so I would still qualify. I took the offer, then had to redo my loan application because I was dumb and included our entire mortgage amount in what I reported. For some reason I went lawful-good and thought I had to tell the absolute truth, but Kyle said to just change the amount I pay and see if I get a better offer.

Apart from that, there wasn’t any excitement until quitting time. I left a little early so I could pick up some flowers for Summer, and somewhere after Conway I ran into a torrential downpour. There were a dozen cars pulled over, and at least one Miata-sized car spun out in the median. I got to town safely, picked up some flowers from Walmart, then picked Summer up at the lube and took her to Brangus for our anniversary.

After we finished our undercooked steaks, we ran home to clean up before Eaddie’s Christmas concert. We picked up Dad along the way, then sat through two bands worth of music. My heart was racing the entire time, and I couldn’t ever get it to calm down. On the way out, the cranky old grandparents snubbed Summer while they were visiting with Eaddie. We got out pretty quickly after that because it upset Summer. We had a near-successful summon for the Model Y, dropped Dad off at their house, then went home to wind down and get to bed.

Runaway rollercoaster!

Uncategorised

Cleaning Dash

I woke up pretty early this morning and fed the dogs before I got to work cleaning up the house. With my parents’ house in disarray from the water damage, we’ll have the most room to have Christmas here, but there hasn’t been a flat surface anywhere in the entire house for weeks. I had a ton of projects to finish, and precisely one day to complete most of it.

I did a fair job, but I just kept unearthing more and more stuff. Between periods of cleaning, I kept an eye on my blood pressure. Then I’d take breaks to pump out some Vine reviews as I got those particular things cleaned up and out of the way.

Dad texted that Mom was making bún thang, but I didn’t realize that she was only just starting. I took a shower and kept on cleaning. Summer came home from the gym and took a shower, but then complained about feeling lightheaded, so I took her blood pressure again before I left.

The dogs chewed up more of the water hose at some point last night, and I assumed it was because they hadn’t been out on a run, so I knew I needed to get them out. I took the Onewheel to my parents’ house, hoping the wet ground wouldn’t affect me too bad, but it did. My entire leg and shoe were soaked by the time I got there.

I left them in the pen and went in to eat, then took them back home so I could continue cleaning up. It was also our only weekend to really be home as a family, so we had to decorate the Christmas trees. The girls did most of that because I started to feel a little off for some reason. I never did get to the old house like I planned, but Eaddie and I will be the only ones on an extended Christmas break, so I guess that’s my time.

As I got ready for bed, I got a tiny bill from my first ER visit at Baptist Health for $11. It looked like there was also a “pending” insurance payment of nearly $4k, but I also know I’m on a high deductible plan. Hopefully that’s not “pending” a denial before it’s passed along to me, but I have a feeling that it is. I guess we’ll wait and see, but I’ll be really surprised if I’m only responsible for $11 for that visit, when St. Mary’s took $300 for doing basically nothing.

I guess that was my calculated risk to take, so hopefully I still came out ahead over time.

Uncategorised

💯

Predictably, I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. My mind raced, stuck in a maze. I eventually managed to pass out for a couple hours, but then woke up around 2:30 and decided to measure my blood pressure. I had great numbers, but then my mind started racing again and it shot up, again preventing me from going back to sleep. I moved around a bit, and even tried lying on the couch for a little while, but nothing worked. I finally climbed out of bed a little after three and just started getting ready for work.

My pressure rose the entire time, and the lump in my throat that I finally lost in the middle of the night was back. Luckily it was a slow ride in to work and I managed to avoid some frustration there. I was a few minutes early, but to no effect. Randy came in just after me and we chatted a little bit. Once he left for his executive team meeting, I sat in the dark until Maggie showed up.

My numbers weren’t awful, and I snacked for some of the morning. They still got pretty high by lunch, and then a McRib probably didn’t do much to help me. In fact, I kept skating just above 90mmHg diastolic for most of the afternoon, and the clonidine didn’t seem to have much effect. I had left a message for Crystal’s nurse first thing in the morning, but the only call I received was from someone at Baptist that called after receiving my info from the self-care fair.

Randy decided we could work from seven to 3:30, so I took off and beat most of the most annoying traffic home. Summer got there just after I did, and I took the dogs for a run with a little bit of daylight left. We went through the basin and around the roundabout to my parents’ house and up the hill before coming back home.

Eaddie got home just after I did, but spent some time chauffeuring friends before finally coming back home for the night. Summer sat quietly in the living room, and I ate the lettuce with some Miracle Whip and black pepper, then a banana before going to bed super early.

😓

Uncategorised

Keep It Under 100

I didn’t think I slept great, or for very long last night. I actually woke up before my alarm and decided to get up for work. I didn’t even get through the whole routine, but made it out the door early enough to take it easy going in. I didn’t really have any trouble for the drive in, and I think people were glad to see I was still kicking. I took my blood pressure cuff with me, and checked it several times throughout the day. In spite of taking it super easy all day, it got higher and higher to the point that I had to start taking clonidine around lunch time.

I met Randy and Jim at Jacob’s Wings for lunch, and I don’t think those helped me much. I had forgotten their “boneless wings” were more like sliced chicken strips, but they were good. It was a super quiet lunch, and then I headed back to the office to charge.

The afternoon was quiet too, and I tried to sneak out a little bit early to try and avoid traffic. I could feel the frustration rising, but I never really got a lump in my throat or felt bad at all. I made it home where Summer had been cooking turkey dumplings for dinner. I took the dogs out for a quick run in the dark, and they were pretty great. I almost slipped and died because the basin trail had flooded and left a slick layer of silt on the sidewalk, but I stuck the landing. We made it to visit Dad, then back home in good time.

I was excited at first when Summer and I sat down to eat, but that quickly turned to more frustration. She pulled the meat off of my turkey bones that I was going to use for soup, and didn’t actually cook any of the bones for her dish. That would have made it better than using powdered chicken broth. She also added heavy cream to the broth, as well as my entire container of turkey gravy for some reason. Her mood of course went sour the instant she knew I wasn’t happy about it. Since she was on a hot streak with the food, she also failed to run the correct cycle on the dishwasher.

I ended up leaving the dumplings at the table and pulled out the rotting salad she had forgotten in the fridge instead. I sorted out what was still edible and planned to eat it, but my blood pressure got too high. I took my third clonidine for the day and tried to calm myself down, but just kept upsetting myself further. I really don’t know how to fix any of this. I’m pretty sure living together is killing me.

Eaddie got home super late from something, but Summer couldn’t say what. I just had to separate myself and get to bed as quickly as I could.

I’m used to not having anyone on my side.

Uncategorised

Chicken Potato Bowls

Today was a long day of picking up the house. Summer went to work. Eaddie came out eventually and took a shower while I was running all around the house. I thought Summer would be home around lunch time, but that wasn’t so. At some point, Eaddie asked if she could go to her father’s house for the night since I guess one of her half sisters had a kid with a birthday. These people propagate like mint.

I warmed up some leftover mashed potatoes and frozen chicken strips for lunch, then continued picking up and organizing randomly until Summer finally got home. She started on some deviled eggs and then took a bath, and I took the dogs out for an early run. We did nearly five miles after stopping to see Dad. He was worried about the new fiber internet provider after they cut their existing cable line trying to run fiber to the house. I just told him to find a place to leave a negative review, and someone would probably reach out rather than have him fight with incompetent customer service trying to direct him to an insurance company.

The dogs did really well, and Stilgar didn’t seem to care about how cold it was. He still wanted to be an alligator in the creek. I ran them all around the neighborhood and then brought them home for hot dogs. I had several more packages at the door, which brought the total to four separate deliveries for the day. I brought them inside and Summer started opening them. I wasn’t double checking what she was doing, and evidently she threw out a bag that still had a watch band in it. That wouldn’t have been bad, except I had just taken the recycling out to the curb just seconds before the truck picked up the dumpster.

I was furious at her negligence. I picked up a bit more before leaving to get some McNuggets for dinner. I didn’t want to go home, and considered that I might want something more to eat, so I ended up stopping in the Wendy’s parking lot. I ate the nuggets, and then remembered a deal for half price Famous Bowls from KFC, so I drove across the street and ate one of those in the lobby. I dawdled there for a while and then got back in the car and had Full Self Driving take me across town. It didn’t get adventurous, so I pointed it up the mountain before having it drive me back home.

Summer went to bed and I stayed up late picking up the ceiling-high stack of boxes she had shoved into the corner. There was a lot of junk there that she had just shoveled out of the way instead of letting me handle it. I sulked some more before eventually taking a shower and going to bed.

Let me remember the ways.