Tag: depression

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Turbo Husk

The wind was still howling this morning, and it was freezing cold, but dry. The office was surprisingly quiet again, which made it difficult to get motivated. Further reading of Microsoft documentation didn’t help. I tried to pep myself up with a cup of coffee from my new portable press, but it was awful. I’ll just have to brew larger cups of those old grounds at home, and use them up.

I had an anxiety attack at some point, but I don’t recall whether it was before or after lunch. We went to McDonald’s and Sonic so Muad’Dib could have a little snack with me. I thought he’d want to run more after lunch, but he was ready to go inside. The afternoon dragged on forever until quitting time.

Eaddie was supposed to make lasagna for the second day in a row, but texted earlier to say she wasn’t going to do that. Summer had called earlier as well, to say the Murano’s power steering was going out. I was frustrated at the lack of proactive maintenance and the fact that Eaddie still hadn’t found the Pathfinder keys that she lost.

We got to the house and took a quick run, but the cold wasn’t quite as sharp. Muad’Dib took off like a rocket, and I was too hesitant on the board to try and keep up with him, but he was doing well over 20 miles an hour. We visited Dad briefly before making it back to the house. The girls got into a frustrating argument in which Eaddie got onto Summer for “having an attitude with her all day.” She and I had a talk later about how I didn’t like the connotations of that word, and I think it helped. I eventually had some leftover turkey before laying down with Muad’Dib for a little while. Summer joined us after her bath, and we quickly flipped through some Netflix as Muad’Dib started snoring heavily.

I dawdled for quite a while before joining them.

Notes on Notes on Numbers

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Gumball

We finally had our staff meeting this morning, and I did my best to represent well. Afterward, we had a pretty boring call with more of the same from Aptean. It always feels like a sales call, promising more from their future plans. I bounced around a lot after that.

We took a really late lunch and I had my McRib. Then the afternoon was a bit slow and quiet. Summer had her company Christmas party, so we got back into town and I picked up some Taco John’s to eat before going.

I dressed Muad’Dib up in his ugly sweater and antler headpiece, and we went to attend at the lube. Summer was like a nervouos teen, hoping all of her friends would show up, and I just felt bad. Muad’Dib got a decent amount of attention, and then Summer made me play Dirty Santa with them, so I stole a gag gift to give out at my own Christmas party.

I was feeling pretty melancholy afterward, so I decided to take Muad’Dib to PetSmart again. They would be closing within minutes, so instead we stopped in the parking lot so he could go to the bathroom. Then we kind of cruised aimlessly toward home. I set the car to “chill” and let it go, without a destination. As we approached our side of town, a cop pulled behind me and lit me up. We pulled into the hospital parking lot where he informed me that my tags had expired. That didn’t make a lot of sense to me, but sure enough, they were. He let me go with a verbal warning, and I headed toward the house.

I didn’t notice, but after I walked in, Summer stopped to warn me that Autumn was there with Eaddie. It wasn’t until afterward that I noticed her text asking what I was doing and why I was avoiding coming home. It was completely loaded, because she could have sent a warning first. I immediately put my shoes back on and walked out with Muad’Dib, but she stopped me in the garage to express her own frustration at me as I trembled.

I let Muad’Dib take me for a walk through almost our entire route in reverse. We stopped at the basin and sat on a bench for a while to knock on the sky and listen to the sound. A stiff breeze came in as we eventually made our way back to the house and found our way to bed.

Unexpected, in the middle of a walking path.

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Deal With It

Eaddie left early this morning, dressed up for something. Summer and I had coffee and then started to reset the living room. We had an appointment to take Muad’Dib for pictures with Santa, but then Summer told me she wanted to have Autumn come over to decorate cookies and we ended up unpacking a lot of other stuff instead.

I cancelled the appointment and took a shower late, but then Eaddie and Eli came to the house and we met them at PetSmart where we could just walk up to what was one of the worst Santas I’ve ever seen. They were informal to say the least, but they gave him a little treat and snapped a couple poor pictures with my phone. Then we wandered the store for a little bit to see if Muad’Dib wanted a treat. He sniffed the bones a little bit, but all he really wanted was a guinea pig, and Summer wouldn’t let him have one. I suggested that if we got two, he could have unlimited treats for free, but that didn’t work either.

We took him outside to take a break from all the excitement for a little bit, and then we ended up going to Point Remove with the kids. We got a large charcuterie board, some drinks, and eventually a pizza. I saw Amber and Brian there for a Christmas party they were having for their runners club, and one of the ladies came down and convinced Summer to sign up for a membership or something.

Muad’Dib was perfect under the table and off the leash the whole time. I took him outside, and he was perfectly behaved the entire time. People loved his ugly sweater and Max antler. We were there for a little while because they were quite busy with a couple parties going, and seemingly very understaffed.

When we finally got back to the house, I cleaned up some more stuff to set up the living room. Summer went to bed. I wasn’t very motivated, and I couldn’t find my two longest speaker wires anyway, but I got a little bit done. Afterward I did some more reviews and had an anxiety attack before bed..

whether it’s scientific truth, or historical truth, or personal truth

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Easy Now

There wasn’t really anything going on today. I had a Soylent and some black coffee in the morning, then a banana before lunch time, so we ended up going out to eat even later. I couldn’t decide what I wanted, so we just went to the car. Muad’Dib wouldn’t listen when he got into the car, and I accidentally popped him harder than I meant to, so I felt really bad after that.

We went to Walmart to see if they had any decent looking salads or sandwiches, but they really don’t have a good deli area. I even looked around at frozen or instant meals, but gave up. I walked the store looking for a pretty sparse clearance aisle, and then I got a bag of chips and we ended up going to Subway to pick up a sandwich.

I ate in my office and shared some chips with Muad’Dib. Afterward he started to fall asleep on my foot, so I got his bed out for him. He had never really spent any time in it before, but I gave him his nylon bone and he actually stayed there for a while. At one point he actually fell asleep on it, which made me happy.

After work, we went for a quick run in the dark, and then just cleaned up and did some reviews before bed.

Closing in.

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Clock Ticks

We got out of the cold, wet house early this morning, so I stopped by Hardee’s for breakfast. Once at work, I tried to pick a task and stay focused, but I still felt a little like I had imposter syndrome. We took our short McDonald’s break and finished out the afternoon with a bunch of reviews.

I grabbed a deal from Taco John’s when we got back home, then stopped at Superfast for some washer fluid while Summer was there for a late team meeting. When we got to the house, I ate my Taco Bravo and then made a ham sandwich while starting some laundry. It wasn’t until after it was nearly done that Dad texted about bánh tôm chiên khoai lang. Summer said she wanted those when she left work, so I started walking with Muad’Dib and she picked us up along the way.

I wasn’t very hungry by then, but I had a couple with Summer and then we headed back to the house to fight about laundry.

Twenty One a Day

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Dogtown

Summer and I happened to end up in traffic around the same time, as there had been a wreck and vehicle fire right outside of Morrilton. She continued on to Little Rock and I got to work right around eight. Janice brought a tiny little goblin dog to work, so Muad’Dib had fun running around with her. We were up and down the stairs several times and stayed really busy all day.

PetSmart called early in the morning and wanted to move Muad’Dib’s appointment up an hour, citing that they were really busy leading up to Thanksgiving, and that they wanted to make sure he had plenty of time away from other people and dogs. It didn’t make much sense to me, since I figured an appointment time was just for him, but from the sound of it, they do several dogs at once in batches, and then kennel them between steps. It didn’t make much sense to me, but luckily I remembered that Summer would be passing back through. I had her pick him up and take him home, and then Eaddie delivered him to PetSmart at three.

I grabbed a quick lunch at McDonald’s and then continued David’s quest to learn how to import documents. I got a call about an hour and a half earlier than I expected, telling me that Muad’Dib was about finished, so I headed back home to get him. They said he did well, but I was actually disappointed in how much I paid for such a short service. We probably won’t be doing that again.

Summer said something about going to the store when she got off work, so I thought I’d go with her. When I got home, the kids had eaten two of the three steaks and left me one, and Summer none. I took Muad’Dib on a quick run, and he absolutely flew down the street. When we got back, I learned that at some point, Summer thought to eat the rest of the squash, which left me with a slab of meat and literally nothing else. The kids went with her to the store, so Muad’Dib and I went to Taco Villa.

They had my taco salad made quickly, and I didn’t notice when he followed me in the door, but we got back outside and ate at a picnic table in the cold. It was nice to decompress. Afterward, we went by the old house to look for a few things. Dad had emptied the cabinets, but I was lucky enough to find one of the things I was looking for.

When we got back to the house, Eaddie told me that they weren’t going to see Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox with us because she just learned that they wanted to record for the Tech band album they’re releasing. I tried to talk to her about commitments, but that fell on deaf ears, and nobody around here is willing to put family over anything else.

Well I guess if you want to be alone, be alone

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Let’s Review

I didn’t sleep great, but we slept in just a little bit before getting up for coffee. The girls went outside and I sat down to write a bunch of reviews while continuing with laundry. The day went by really fast, and we were all aware that we felt a little moody. Maybe it was cycles, or maybe it was seasonal affectivity. Maybe it was the anxiety attack I had when I started laundry. Maybe it was a continuation of the melancholy and dissatisfaction that we all seem to have accepted.

Summer made it to the gym, and Eaddie left for a concert of some kind. I took Muad’Dib for a run a few minutes earlier than on work days, and then Summer and I went to Colton’s for a late dinner. We sat in the car for a while before going in, trying to work through some feelings. Then we ate too much and came home to go to bed.

stuff

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Signals Lost

I wasn’t at work for very long before I got a call from Calvin, who was at the warehouse in Conway. He was having trouble with the internet out there, and I didn’t know enough about the place to walk him through any kind of troubleshooting. I talked to Scott, and decided to head over there to check out the place.

By then, the sun was out of my way and I could let the car take over. It did really well, and got us right to the place we needed to go. Calvin had to let me in, and then he showed me the little box of an office in the middle of the big warehouse. From there, he walked me back to the core closet at the far end of the warehouse. He kept asking questions and trying to talk to me while I was trying to figure out what was going on, so I politely told him it was going to take me a little while to figure out what was going on, and asked where he would be if I needed to find him. That worked perfectly, and I spent the next few hours mapping cables and walking back and forth across the complex.

I don’t know how any of it worked before I got there, because it appeared to be plugged up wrong. I got their little Netgear router working again though, and then had to figure out lunch with Muad’Dib. The Rogue Roundabout turned in on bringfido.com, so I figured I would give them a try since they were just a little ways away. We found street parking and went in to inquire. Evidently they had a patio somewhere, but it wasn’t open at the time. The guy walked us back out the door to look for a table space, but then he changed his mind and just let us sit inside in a seat away from other patrons.

It was a fairly hip place, with long picnic table type seating. I would absolutely turn around and walk out if they were busy, but I wouldn’t mind to eat there again on a slow day. Of course I couldn’t try any beer, but Muad’Dib and I liked the beer cheese and pretzels. I didn’t care for the Wellington, and my Reuben was overtoasted, but otherwise good. I would have liked to see our server again sometime between ordering and paying, but otherwise it was fine.

We made it back to Morrilton, got some wine for Summer, and then it was pretty dull the rest of the afternoon. I did figure out an issue that Jessica was having, so hopefully that was visible enough after the call I had tiwth her and Shane. It seemed like everyone was ready to get out of there, and we made it home without any fuss. Again, I let the car do its thing, and it performed excellently.

I took Muad’Dib out for a quick run. My parents weren’t home, but we continued on around Inglewood and made it back to the house well after dark. Summer was still complaining of back pain after her bath, so she went on to bed. Eaddie was home and showered before going out again. I separated myself until it was time for bed.

pure tingles

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Tone the Line

Today was a long day of a mostly empty office. Johnny called me early, and we talked for a while on the phone. I kept fairly busy after that, but I was very tired. We were up and down the stairs quite a bit again, and between that and the running I let Muad’Dib do outside in the morning and before lunch, even he was reluctant to climb any more stairs.

I ate leftovers with Janice, Elizabeth, and Teisha again, and then we split up what was left to take home. I ended up with a bunch of rice, beans, and shredded lettuce, so I guess we’ll have tacos tomorrow. The afternoon seemed to drag on forever after that, and I never got any closer to finding the switch side of the line running from the lab.

The drive home was slow, stupid, and full of road-raging idiots. We got to the house alive though, and I immediately took Muad’Dib out for a pretty slow run. It was really dark, and he just didn’t really want to run. We visited my parents briefly, then got back to the house where I finally put away all the food I brought home. The kids were there, but left for a high school football game with friends.

I’m too tired for a weekend.

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Clownin’

I got five orders into McDonald’s today. We started with a coffee before leaving town, then stopped in Morrilton for a chicken biscuit. I spent all morning documenting printers, and then we went for a late lunch and redeemed points for a free Happy Meal. The six McNuggets didn’t quite satisfy me, so I redeemed a free Double Cheeseburger, which was quite a bit heftier than I remembered. I was actually quite pleased. I wrapped that up with a free Apple Pie for dessert.

As I was finishing up, a young, very McMethed-out girl approached and asked if I had a hot spot. I was polite and tried to learn what she really needed, and she said she was trying to get a ride to her uncle’s place that was “less than ten minutes away.” I had to decline her at that point, and she walked up to a kiosk to order something before walking over to talk to someone else, who I think was an employee.

The afternoon went by quickly, and then we made it home so I could eat some leftover chicken before taking Muad’Dib on a run. I originally thought I’d run him to the high school to meet Summer for the marching assessment, but she wanted me to run him first, and then go with her for the entire time she would be there.

Muad’Dib ran well, but I had to zap him a few times when he kept trying to chase cats, or generally wouldn’t listen. He was mostly good, but just wasn’t being as obedient as I needed him to be. Summer and I had a chat when we got back, and then we went to the high school to watch a couple bands play before Eaddie would go out with the Tech band.

We brought Muad’Dib along, and he was immediately wound up and alert for all the noise and goings-on. He didn’t even wait to get out of the car, and sprung out as soon as I opened the door, which was very unlike him. As we entered the stadium, there was no one to turn us away. He got more and more anxious as we entered the crowd of people. We got seated and watched one band, but then I decided to take him off to the side of the field to decompress in the grass. We walked around for a couple of bands, and then he finally felt okay to come back for Tech.

Summer was straight to bed as I tried to clean up some stuff in the garage and kitchen. I didn’t feel great, but I eventually made it to bed.

Makin’ my way downtown, walkin’ slow, faces pass, and I’m homebound.