Tag: depression

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Division of Duties

It rained all day today, and the latest version of FSD won’t let me just step on the accelerator for an unlimited amount of time any more to keep it moving along at higher speeds. That meant I had to drive for a few miles until things got a little less foggy and misty. I was a little bit late, but Randy was still at the conference and Kyle didn’t come by the office in the morning.

Jim and Jay came in and were going to help me hang a TV, but Jim ended up having to pick up Maggie because she was dropping her husband’s truck off for a tint job. Jay and I got the old TV down, but the screws for the new TV were too big to fit into the holes on the old mount, so we were stuck again. I don’t know why the whole move has been such a priority, but the secretary called Maggie again to check on a timeline, and we were later asked to write up a statement about the whole ordeal.

I met Kyle at David’s Burgers for lunch in the rain, and they were pretty good but slow for how many people were in the kitchen. I don’t love their fries, but I love that they’re unlimited if you can ever catch someone with a fresh bowl. I do like the seasoning on their burgers, but every time I ask for “all of the extras” they just give me the typical burger build instead of the jalapeños, grilled onions, and everything else.

The afternoon dragged on a bit. Randy showed up after the conference and we all caught up. I had been bouncing between tasks all day, but my biggest accomplishment was shrinking my SQL database so the drive would no longer be completely full.

I had to stop and charge on the way home due to the rain, but I ended up getting a leg cramp and wanted to get out to stretch anyway. Luckily it wasn’t raining and I paced the parking lot for a bit, then got back in and made it home. Summer had dinner ready and we ate some kind of weird orange glazed hamburger meat and green beans over rice. It was sort of “Hamburger Helper Meets the Far East.” It was alright, but I think it would have been far better on chicken.

Eaddie was helping at a swim meet, so the two of us just had dinner and a calm evening together since she wasn’t stressed from work and I didn’t run the dogs in the wet. Then it was a slightly earlier night to bed.

Who’s responsible for this???

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Don’t Break Anything

I got out a little earlier today and had a slower drive in to work to save some battery power. I could have made it home on the charge, but I still ended up supercharging on the way home anyway.

Randy was out at a conference, so it was just Maggie and me all day. She was in better spirits after her friend passed yesterday. Randy emailed us some things to do, but it seemed like those weren’t entirely our job to do. It’s confusing what we’re actually responsible for because the district is so overstaffed. We personally handled much more at both of my previous districts. On top of that, people kept knocking at the door all day, pulling me away from whatever I was avoiding.

I actually didn’t even take a lunch, but Maggie made me eat her leftovers. I can never tell if she’s just worried about me being hungry or if she’s just genuinely not hungry enough to finish her food. It’s a pretty regular occurrence for her to have leftovers, so I try not to feel guilty about eating stuff she gives me. I thought I’d leave a little early because I never left, but I only got out about ten minutes early.

I stopped in Conway to charge a bit just so I wouldn’t have to shuffle cars late at night. Then I got home and ran the dogs to the Ridgewood Brothers to see if I could catch Robert. I actually saw Grant, and he seemed to be doing a little bit better. I think their whole situation has probably just gotten to the point where you throw up and then start to feel a little bit better.

We got rained on a bit as we made our way back across town. Just as it started to sprinkle, we encountered Hannah driving the opposite direction. She stopped to chat and we caught up for a little bit before we continued on to my parents’ house. By then it had started to rain pretty hard, so my leg was soaked by the time we got home. The dogs were good though, so they got hot dogs before dinner.

Someone had brought a bunch of Vine packages in for me, so I sorted all of that before Summer got home. The morning went by fast, the afternoon went by slowly, and then the evening flew by. Summer had a bad day at work, and I think we’re both feeling pretty unsatisfied in general. We chatted for a bit before she went to bed. Eaddie got home late and went straight to her room, and then I crashed as quickly as I could.

You broke it.

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Bummers

Traffic was pretty bad on the way in this morning, but I got there. Randy was early again, and we all sat and chatted for a while in the morning. Maggie was stressing out due to something happening with a friend or family, so she ended up taking the afternoon off. I tried to help Jim with some stuff over the phone and was mostly successful, and Randy was in his executive team meeting all morning.

Lunch came a little late, and I met Kyle, Jim, Randy, and Jay at Brewski’s for their version of Taco Tuesday. I remembered thinking their burger was okay last time, but it was still bar food. I was even less impressed with their tacos, so I’ll never order those again. Everything was incredibly dry. Even the limes fell apart into pulp when we squeezed them. I actually ended up stopping at McDonald’s on the way back to get some fries, which were actually pretty good since I went to the one on McCain this time.

Sometime in the afternoon, Greg stopped by our office and for some reason wanted a tour of our shop area. I had a feeling someone put him up to it, but eventually Randy came back inside and said I couldn’t charge my car in there any more. That’s a pretty big bummer, especially in the winter, and it may be the straw that prompted the camel to update his resumé. It’s all about minimizing my time away from home, and if a few pennies worth of electricity is going to keep me away any longer, then it’s just not going to be sustainable for me.

I got home without any trouble and took the dogs out for a run. They weren’t great, so they didn’t get any treats when we got home, and I cut down their dinner a little as well. Muad’Dib hadn’t been eating some of his meals anyway.

I took care of some large Vine stuff before Summer got home, and she didn’t have a great day at work either. Then I had to fire off a message to the clinic because I was completely out of amlodipine for the next morning. Luckily they phoned it in to Walgreens and I was able to pick it up just a few minutes before they closed.

After I got back home, Dad said Uncle Tuan wasn’t doing great, so it looks like we’ll be going to visit. I don’t really know what happened to him for the past several years, but I know I’ll have a very different memory of him than what we’ll find, and he likely won’t remember me at all.

No Win Tuesday

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Long Day for What

I remember waking up frequently after a whole lot of dreams, but I couldn’t remember anything about them. I finally got out of bed around eight, long before anyone else. I tinkered with the Vine Helper notifications a bit, and then had a bit of anxiety as the item drops started flowing. I got meds sorted for the week and the girls got up and around. Summer went to the gym for a while, and Eaddie hid in her room all day.

I took a shower and then took the dogs out for a really early run, which was good because it started to rain after that. Summer said she wanted a steak and baked potato for dinner, but then didn’t press it when it started to rain. I ended up going out to pick up some Panda Express instead, since I had a BOGO coupon, and then we watched The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent with some popcorn. I actually thought it was a pretty fun movie, and it was great to see Nick Cage back – not that he went anywhere.

Nothing.

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Hauliday

I got to work on time, but I didn’t see anyone for a while. Evidently several of them had met at the annex to move some stuff, and it wasn’t until Randy called that I went outside to help unload into the new shop. For the rest of the day, I rode around with Jim and Randy as we collected a couple more loads of stuff.

Randy had been wanting catfish from BJ’s for a couple days, so that’s where we went for lunch. Javier met us there, and we had a good time learning how little he knows about history and historical figures.

We kept moving stuff, and then most of us stood around in the shop just to socialize a bit before we went inside. Maggie took the afternoon off, so it was mostly just Randy and me sitting in the dark until quitting time. Javier did stop by a couple times, but nobody was really getting into anything.

It sprinkled a bit on the way home, but luckily it had quit by the time I got there. I took the dogs out for a good run, we met Dad, and then zig-zagged home. Summer had to close the shop, and Eaddie was out late before her all-region weekend.

The dogs were about out of food, so I eventually made a trip to the Neighborhood Market for several things we had been needing. I got pretty sleepy on the drive home from work, and that just got worse and worse all night until I finally went to bed.

Be no more there.

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Dishpite

Summer said last night that Eaddie wanted to go to Conway with her today to shop for some pants, but Eaddie was still in bed when I woke up. She didn’t get up for a while, but was disappointed when Summer didn’t wake her. I figured it was because I expressed frustration that Eaddie never wants to shop for things when I tell her they’re on sale, but I still expected them to go.

I spent a while cleaning up the kitchen, frustrated that the girls were seemingly making as big of a mess as possible on purpose. With very little thought, all of the dirty dishes could be stacked neatly and cleanly to the left of the sink, but instead they had dirty dishes on every single flat surface in the kitchen and dining area. Summer fessed up to doing it out of her own frustration and spite, which just upset me further because they’re always calling me the mean one.

The girls ended up going out to shop locally, so I cleaned up and took the dogs for a run, which soaked my legs in sandy slush again. I either need to get myself a fender for the Onewheel, or tell Summer exactly which one I want so she can gift it to me, since she’s so adamant about wanting to gift things. It was a relatively short walk, though, and we cut through the basin trail where there were still a bunch of kids playing in the show in the distant field. We visited with Dad briefly before making it home, and Stilgar just kept wanting to go back out and play in the snow. I guess he had already trampled most of it in the backyard, and he still wanted to play in the fluff.

I cleaned up a bit and tinkered with some things around the house. The girls got home and did some laundry, and I was eventually hungry for dinner by myself since they had a late lunch together when they went shopping. I ended up driving around a little bit because I couldn’t decide on what to eat. Taco Villa was closed, so I ended up at Wendy’s. The service wasn’t great, but the food was all actually really good. I guess that’s what really mattered in the end.

Everyone wound down pretty quickly, and I tried not to mess up my sleep schedule too much. Eaddie has school tomorrow, but North Little Rock will be closed again. Essential staff are expected to work after a late start, but Summer and I both have doctor appointments tomorrow morning. I hate missing a short day, but whaddya do?

Tax Man Cometh

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Thornsday Cleanout

I was jarred awake this morning when Maggie called around eight to ask if I was coming in to work. Maybe she was worried, because I’m always there around seven, but I told them I wasn’t going back for just two days this week. I got out of bed then, since Summer had to go to work anyway. Even Eaddie got up and took a shower, but then she left with friends. I warmed up a plate of some hot turkey, twice-baked potato, and sour dressing instead of going out to eat like I had imagined all night long.

I felt pretty bad all day, and started to fall asleep in the afternoon, but made myself take a shower and take the dogs out for a long run. We caught my parents just as they got back from somewhere, and then we came home so I could clean up the kitchen.

I had spent all day in my head, mad and frustrated with the girls and our living situation, and their habits around the house. I was glad to have the kitchen finished when Summer got home, but she reeked of gasoline. Eaddie got home and mostly stayed in her room as usual, and I dawdled a while longer before making it to bed. My nerves and anxiety were shot.

Ya hya chouhada!

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💯

Predictably, I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. My mind raced, stuck in a maze. I eventually managed to pass out for a couple hours, but then woke up around 2:30 and decided to measure my blood pressure. I had great numbers, but then my mind started racing again and it shot up, again preventing me from going back to sleep. I moved around a bit, and even tried lying on the couch for a little while, but nothing worked. I finally climbed out of bed a little after three and just started getting ready for work.

My pressure rose the entire time, and the lump in my throat that I finally lost in the middle of the night was back. Luckily it was a slow ride in to work and I managed to avoid some frustration there. I was a few minutes early, but to no effect. Randy came in just after me and we chatted a little bit. Once he left for his executive team meeting, I sat in the dark until Maggie showed up.

My numbers weren’t awful, and I snacked for some of the morning. They still got pretty high by lunch, and then a McRib probably didn’t do much to help me. In fact, I kept skating just above 90mmHg diastolic for most of the afternoon, and the clonidine didn’t seem to have much effect. I had left a message for Crystal’s nurse first thing in the morning, but the only call I received was from someone at Baptist that called after receiving my info from the self-care fair.

Randy decided we could work from seven to 3:30, so I took off and beat most of the most annoying traffic home. Summer got there just after I did, and I took the dogs for a run with a little bit of daylight left. We went through the basin and around the roundabout to my parents’ house and up the hill before coming back home.

Eaddie got home just after I did, but spent some time chauffeuring friends before finally coming back home for the night. Summer sat quietly in the living room, and I ate the lettuce with some Miracle Whip and black pepper, then a banana before going to bed super early.

😓

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I Am the Director Now

I had another chicken biscuit this morning on my way to work. Conference food made me pretty queasy all night, but fortunately today went okay. I was surprised to see Maggie in the office when I got there, and further still that she was still there when I left. I felt the pressure of more people needing me today, plus I had a couple of conference calls scheduled. I only went to one of those because the teacher was unable to reproduce an issue for a vendor.

I had placed an order for a Reuben at Arby’s the night before, since I had a discount code. Randy and Jim really wanted to go to a place called North Bar, so I picked up my food and then met them there. It was a more expensive place with a variety of burgers, wraps, and such. Jim’s chicken sandwich looked pretty good because the chicken was more than twice the size of the bun. Randy’s order was put in wrong, so his got comped and we split my burger, and then his when it eventually came out. I liked his bologna burger better than my blueberry one, but both were pretty good. Overall I thought the flavors were great, but it just wasn’t worth the price for the portion size. Everything being à la carte didn’t help, because I had to pay extra for fries with the burger.

I stopped by Target on the way back to the office to get an online order of Tide that I had placed a few days ago. Randy left in the afternoon, and said he was leaving me as the de facto director. I laughed that I was the newest hire, but he responded that I was the one with the most experience in his role. After that, Maggie had me sign a bunch of data privacy agreements. I told her it felt like he was leaving so they could use me as a fall-guy on some sketchy paperwork.

I was a bit hungry after lunch, so I actually ended up eating my Reuben before I left work. Then it was a dull ride home to find Summer in the kitchen and Eaddie and Eli watching TV. I took the dogs out for a run to my parents’ house and then spent some time with them when we got back. I skipped the chicken Alfredo because of the dairy, and drank some dinner instead. I had to rearrange the dishwasher after the girls poorly cleaned up the leftovers, and I kind of stewed a bit until bedtime.

unappoint

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Collared Greens

Summer was up early doing some work, and I ended up sleeping in later than I wanted. I eventually got up and made some more eggs for breakfast, and even cleaned up some leftover stir fried beef. It was rainy all morning, but it eventually dried up enough to go out with the dogs.

Eaddie wanted to take my car to drive around with her friends because it was nicer than her Pathfinder, and we ended up having a big family discussion after she didn’t like my answer. That threw all of us off for the rest of the day.

I took a really late shower and then took the dogs out for a walk. We took a new path up and around Inglewood this time, and on the way home I couldn’t break their focus off of a nearby squirrel. I’ve got to do something to fix that behavior, because Stilgar is just able to throw around too much weight.

They were about out of food when I got back with them, so I got Summer up and we went to Walmart to look around a bit. We got more food, and a couple cowhide sticks for them to chew on, with the hopes that they’d stop chewing on important things. Eaddie spotted us while we were there, but we didn’t actually see her. She was out super late, and we ended up going to bed before we ever saw her again.

Interesting days ahead…