Tag: disappointment

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Stretching the Upper Limit

Johnny called just as I got to work this morning, so I talked to him for a while. He actually knew quite a bit about Microsoft 365, so he can probably help me for a change. I had a fair bit of trouble focusing after that.

I went to Wendy’s for a late lunch, and grabbed some McDonald’s fries on the way back to eat in my office. It wasn’t very long after that when Eaddie texted that, “Hey so part of the ceiling may or may not have just fallen.” I don’t know why she would lead like that, but I eventually got some photos from her that showed the drywall leaning up against my irreplaceable 3D OLED TV.

Teisha told me to just go home since Joel was on a call, but I wanted to at least message him about it. He said the same, and I headed to the house. Eaddie and Eli were both there to see when it happened. The entire living room was coated in a thick layer of dust. Our fuzzy couch was completely covered. Everything was covered. My first priority was to get the drywall off of the TV. It was heavy, and I was completely astounded when the TV turned on without a shattered corner. It actually broke the drywall. I got some of that out, and then Dad came over to help the kids and me clean out as much of the insulation as we could.

We moved the most expensive stuff into the sunroom in case of further collapse, and then Dad and I went to his house to find some wood and a floor jack to get the rest of the drywall screwed up to the joists. It went better than I expected, but we still have a lot of work to do.

Summer got home after her doctor appointment for her knee. I was already irritated that I beat her home from my job in Morrilton, and that she couldn’t make our home a priority. Then she had the nerve to ask if I would support her quitting her job before finding new employment because she had a really bad day. I’d been telling her for YEARS to find something else and quit, and she always pushed back. So no. Hard, “NO.”

I was able to move the thermostat sensing to the bedroom so it wouldn’t just keep pumping air into the gaping living room. Then Muad’Dib and I left to run, and I went to my parents’ house to swim. Mom thought this all happened at the old house, but I told her it was at our new house.

We left once I was sufficiently cooled down, and got to the house before dark. Summer was in bed, and Eaddie had gone to Eli’s for dinner.

Shocking. Make lemonade.

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Hope Dangles on a String

Summer had a race in Clarksville this morning, but declined the suggestion that we could all get up early to go with her, then continue to the greater Fayetteville area immediately after. She wanted to come home to shower first.

I am right, I swear I’m right. Swear I knew it all along.

We had plenty of time to get around, so I watered my plants before jumping into the shower. Once everyone was ready, we headed out and picked Eli up before hitting the road. We stopped at Dodge’s in Clarksville for some hot wings, and ran into Autumn just as we were leaving.

Scars are souvenirs you never lose. The past is never far.

We made it all the way to Lowell to charge. There was a queue before we could plug in, but there were only a couple of cars ahead of us and it went pretty quickly. I had never experienced that before, but it wasn’t bad at all.

And I’d give up forever to touch you.

I had previously texted Shawna and actually got a response that she wouldn’t be joining us for the concert. I planned to transfer the ticket to her, but I couldn’t do that until closer to the event, and even then she didn’t want it. Brandon was able to join us, so we planned to meet him for dinner.

I’ve got my defenses when it comes to your intentions for me.

Once charging was done, we went to Goodwill to kill a few minutes. We ended up grabbing a telescope stand for Dad, and then headed to Chuy’s to meet Brandon. There was a relatively short wait, and then service was pretty sparse, but the food was good.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.

After dinner, we walked to the amphitheater with plenty of time to find seats on the packed lawn. I skipped the merch until after Dashboard Confessional. They did a great show, followed by a wonderful, much larger show by the Goo Goo Dolls. All I could do was think about how the evening was supposed to go.

I’m not the one who broke you. I’m not the one you should fear.

Brandon took off a little bit early. We left at the very end and got on the interstate without any fuss. We probably didn’t have to stop, but the car routed us to Ozark for a quick charge before making it home. I gave Muad’Dib a quick vacuum and washed his feet, and then they were all off to bed.

I wanna wake up where you are.

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“barbecue”

I left around lunch time to get a free slush from Casey’s, and grabbed a pretzel and some free cheese sticks from Sonic on the way back. Then I got another slush on the way home. Julie wanted to go to Fat Daddy’s for her birthday dinner, so Summer and I met the family there. I picked up a third slush after dinner.

Muad’Dib and I went for a walk when we got home, and Eaddie left to spend the night at Maristella’s.

After that, only television noise.

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At the Table

We had a staff meeting this morning, and it was interesting to have a seat at the table. I learned a lot about the business in a short amount of time, and it doesn’t look like there’s any slowing down. Later in the afternoon, I had a meeting with Shane as well, and came up with a few tasks to actually resolve.

I took a rock to the windshield on the way home and got a round-looking fracture on the far passenger side of the glass. It looked like it formed a cone that went deep into the glass, so I don’t know if it will be fillable, but if it is, at least it will be out of my line of sight.

Summer worked really late. I stopped to see her for just a moment, then made it to the house to bake some potatoes for dinner. She fried potatoes the other night, and it looked like she left a bunch of small ones for some reason, including one that had been cut to remove a bad spot. I wish she had chosen differently.

Noah was still at the house, but Eaddie was nowhere to be found. He was in and out, smoking on the porch, and dragging his stank into the house. I opened some packages and then ate alone before taking Muad’Dib out on a walk. I helped Dad fold the pool cover when we stopped by there, then had a bite of some fried noodles Mom made.

It was a quick and frustrating winddown, but early to bed.

Un-

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sdrawkcaB

I dragged out of bed this morning, and pretty immediately felt sick to the stomach. I got to work about half an hour later than I have been, but still within the parameters I was given, so I didn’t bother messaging ahead that I’d be late. I brought a container of some leftover rice, chicken, and veggies for lunch that looked a lot more like supper, but I was a little bit afraid to eat it.

I had an anxiety attack early on. Then I had a couple of meetings to sit in on, and felt mildly productive with some other things as well. I hope people like me.

I happened to go downstairs to warm up my food a little late and ran into Elizabeth as she warmed up her own. We ended up sitting in the breakroom to eat, and then Janice joined us. Elizabeth made a comment about someone who was voted one of the top nurses in the state, and then showed me a picture of my old friend Tiffany. I guess she’s dating Tiffany’s father, or something of the sorts.

The afternoon went by a little quicker, though I stayed a bit late and then got hung up in traffic for the second day in a row. I thought about stopping by Taco Bell to pick up a Tuesday deal I scored, since it would expire overnight, but ended up going straight to the house instead.

Summer and Eaddie were working on a chicken salad for pitas, and some guacamole for dinner, but it looked a lot more like lunch. It was really good though, and Eaddie brought Noah over to join us since he wrecked his car today, only then learning that his insurance had expired.

I took Muad’Dib for a run, visited with a little corgi named Kaylee, saw my parents, then made it home for the night. I gave him a good bath, and then tried to get to bed as quickly as I could. That was when I remembered Taco Bell. I couldn’t place a future order, and the kids wouldn’t pick it up for me, so Muad’Dib and I ran out to get it. To make things worse, the closer restaurant couldn’t make it, according to the app, so we had to drive all the way across town.

stank boys

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Holdout for Worse

I don’t think any of us slept great last night, except maybe Muad’Dib, who stayed curled up by our legs. It was humid and sweaty all night long. When I got to work, I spent a ridiculous amount of time cleaning out hundreds of email drafts because Outlook gets really happy about saving nothing just in case you want to go back to nothing and start from nothing.

I didn’t leave all day, surviving on a cup of coffee and a single slice of cold, leftover pizza. I spent the afternoon read historical emails between waiting for access to systems. The problem is that I haven’t really had to do anything in any of the systems I’ve gained access to so far, so I still don’t know what I’m doing. It still feels like this is less of an IT job and more of a generalist catch-anything role, but I can be good with that. It’s a nice change of pace. I just need to find my ambition in something that calls to me.

For some reason, Eli was blocking the driveway when I got home, so I waited for him to clear a path for me to get in. Then I found the three of them on the couch just lounging around. I got changed, vacuumed the dog, and pretty quickly got dinner started for Summer and myself. The kids had already eaten one of the steaks, so I ate the other while Summer had chicken wings and a rib. The kids ate the two remaining baby baked potatoes as well, so we just had croissants to go with our greasy meat. It was all very heavy and particularly unpleasant for me, anyway.

Summer and I ended the night with an episode of Ironheart and then she went to bed. I had laundry to finish, among other chores, before bed.

Looting this item will bind it to you.

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Go Fourth

I hardly got any sleep last night, and I’m not sure Summer slept well either, but we managed to get up in plenty of time to get her to Little Rock for her Firecracker Fast 5k. It started in a neighborhood, wound through the zoo, then ended at War Memorial Stadium. There were a ton of people registered, so I watched the sea of people flow through the starting line, then tried to make it down the road to the finish line.

Unfortunately they had roads closed off enough that runners actually beat me to the area. I ended up finding a charger at a hotel for a little while before making my way the long way around to pick up Summer. I was supposed to meet Kyle to give him the cooler he won, but he wasn’t out of the house before Summer finished, so I just delivered it to his girlfriend’s house through The Heights.

The neighborhoods we drive through were really neat, with a mix of really old and really nice looking homes. After that, we stopped nearby at The Buttered Biscuit for some breakfast and drinks. They were mostly empty, but only had two servers and asked us to wait. Luckily they got staffed quickly, because the restaurant filled up super fast. We got drinks, but my Surf & Turf Bloody Mary didn’t have most of the listed ingredients. Specifically, there was no shrimp, olives, pickles, or celery. Just a lonely strip of bacon, dropped in like a meat stirrer.

The food was mostly good, but somehow they messed up my scrambled eggs. They were overcooked, dry, and flaky. My chicken and waffle was good though, and Summer liked her Bacon Avocado Bennie. We also got some beignets that were great. Overall it was pretty good though, and I figured they were just thrown out of whack with the influx of runners.

We visited the wine store next door on the way out, then headed back home. I considered stopping for a movie somewhere, but we didn’t do a thing. Summer suggested we nap when we got home, but I don’t nap well. We lounged for a bit, I did some laundry, and then Summer got in a rush to go to Walmart to get some fruit for a picnic.

I was a little excited to go to the Supercenter since I hardly ever get over there any more. I don’t even remember the last time I went. We picked up a bunch of food, then browsed most of the store before leaving. Summer tried prepping our picnic several hours ahead of time, then got upset when I suggested that she didn’t have to do that. We just separated and left each other alone until it was time for us to start getting ready.

I gave Muad’Dib a bath since he had been outside overnight. He behaved pretty well, but I wish I could get him to shake on command. He let me clean his paws and scrubbed his fur a bunch. Then I took him outside for a blow-dried brushing. Summer completed packing the picnic, but for some reason decided to load everything into her wagon that wouldn’t fit into my car. I unloaded that, got everything into the car, and we headed to the mountain.

I only remember going to the mountain and seeing fireworks on New Year’s Eve, so I don’t think I’d ever seen them on Independence Day. We went straight to Sunrise Point and ate our picnic at a table. Muad’Dib minded reasonably well off-leash. When we finished eating, I loaded some stuff back into the car and we walked to the overhang. It was way too early to see anything, but at least it felt nice outside with a nice breeze.

People filled into the area pretty quickly as the sun went down. Overall I was kind of underwhelmed by it all. Having that many people around kind of killed the mood for me, and it wasn’t long before bugs started chewing up my legs. It seemed like we kind of led the exodus as we headed home.

I stopped at Casey’s for a slush on the way, then gave Muad’Dib a vacuuming when we got home. Eaddie was back from her day with Eli’s family. Summer went straight to bed, so I tried to lay with her for a bit, but she passed out.

Start to Finish

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This Ain’t It, Chief

I had a Soylent this morning when I got to work, and I think it really did help settle my stomach after the last few days. Joel said we could talk about HubSpot after I got settled in, so I went upstairs for a while. He eventually stopped by and we went down to the conference room to chat. I still really can’t tell what my day-to-day is going to look like, but it feels less based on specific projects, and more about just being ambitious enough to find things to improve. I could be way off base, but I haven’t really been given any other direction yet. I joked that it didn’t seem like this was an IT job, but I think it’ll be good for me. It feels like I’m moving in the right direction.

A little while later I went to MethDonald’s for lunch. The drive-through was packed, but even more people were standing angrily around the counter when I went inside. I had already placed my order online, but the app crashed and I couldn’t see the number. I eventually went to the counter myself, and a nice lady went back to make it fresh. All the while I watched as the druggies and teen mothers with barely any clothes paced back and forth, coming in and out the doors, to and from the counter.

My food was great, and the app ended up refunding me later in the day because it thought I never picked up my food. I made it back to the office and re-racked some stuff upstairs. Teisha came up and said they were shutting down at three, and luckily someone came to get me later because I had lost track of the time.

When I got back to town, I stopped to see Summer to see if I could finally install my yoke. I ran home to get the parts and tools, cleaned up the laundry room a bit in the process, and got back out there just before closing time. I had the process down, but the new connectors for the scroll wheels didn’t seem to have clips to release, so I ended up having to drive Summer’s car back home after they were closed so I could get needle nose pliers. I made it back, and Summer got angry because they hadn’t properly cleaned the pit. I finally got my old wheel loose, all the components moved to the yoke, and after a little bit of back and forth, got the yoke properly installed.

Summer headed home, exhausted and filthy. She sent me to Zaxby’s for dinner, and it took them over 20 minutes to cook our food. I had already planned to stop at KFC for some coleslaw, and they weren’t much better. That restaurant has gone downhill so far that it should just about be condemned. I listened as a young drive-through attendant yelled at a customer through the speaker. Then, who I presume was the manager, went to the window and yelled at him some more. He demanded his card back, then peeled out away from the building. Meanwhile, I appeared to be joined in the lobby by the special education class of 1975. I miss the glory days of going there for the lunch buffet with Allen and whoever else would join us.

I finally got home, and Summer had let Muad’Dib back inside without cleaning him. The frustration and disappointment and depression of the whole situationship washed over me, and he and I immediately left for a walk around the block.Of course I didn’t have a waste bag, so he pooped and I had to pick it up with a napkin I had in my pocket. We got home and I put him out back for the night, then unloaded my car before going to cool off in the bedroom. Summer came back to find me after a while, and fell to the floor in her own bout of frustration. I left her to go eat some cold chicken, then cleaned everything up and came back to put her to bed for her race in the morning. We laid down to talk for a little bit, but I’m really at a loss. Things are bad, but the fact that things are bad is making things worse.

Too much attention.

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TwoDay

I got Hardee’s again this morning and had a chicken biscuit on the drive in, then saved the country steak biscuit for an early lunch. I spent all day in my office just familiarizing myself with things and trying to remember where to find it all. I’ve been in the Google ecosystem for so long that Microsoft tools are cluttered and overwhelming, and it doesn’t help that my laptop runs pretty slow. It seems to always be pretty quiet upstairs, though people will pass by occasionally. The office and hallway echo a lot, so I’m more self conscious about the sounds I make than anything else.

I still had to get my car insurance paperwork signed, so I tried going to a local agent who sold Progressive in the afternoon. She was only a little bit snotty about not being able to help me. I grabbed a little double bacon cheeseburger and some Takis fries from Wendy’s, and though the restaurant was super slow, the food was hot and fresh. The fries were actually better than I expected.

The last couple hours of the afternoon went by quietly, and the lady across the hall poked her head in to ask how late I was staying. Without being given actual working hours, I let her know I could walk out at any point. She had a key to lock up, and figured we were the last ones there, so we walked out together through a dark office downstairs.

I drove straight home to find Summer and Eaddie playing Guitar Hero in her room. Eli showed up just a moment later, and then I jumped in to play a song with Eaddie and Eli. Summer wanted to eat after that, but I had to take care of a bunch of Vine stuff. She was stressed by it at first, but ended up really liking the things I got for her.

We eventually made it to Morelos for a surprisingly cheap dinner date. All these restaurants offering discounts to pay with cash, and charging extra to pay by card, are making me consider my options. I still hate how dirty cash is though. I’d rather keep my wallet lighter and keep their checks on the books.

Eaddie had Maristella and about half a dozen of her siblings over, and they were all watching TV and playing in the living room when we got home. I received a response from FutureMotion earlier in the day that my Onewheel was in for repairs. They said the controller module was replaced under warranty, suggested I pay $125 to have them replace the tire because it was “significantly out of round,” they replaced a loose gasket inside the motor “as a courtesy” that was causing a clicking sound that I had never noticed, that the battery module was somehow out of spec and would have to be replaced for $700 because it was only covered for six months rather than the whole year. That seemed like a lot of money for a $2,950 board, but the kicker was that they wanted $80 shipping to send it back to me.

But look at me, all made-of-money and shit.

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Breaker Breaker 1-8

I got out early enough to stop at Hardee’s for a Frisco breakfast sandwich on the drive in to work. After driving all the way to North Little Rock yesterday, today felt like a breeze. Teisha wasn’t there yet, so Joel gave me a quick tour upstairs and showed me to my office. It took a little work to get into my laptop due to two-factor and unfamiliarity with their setup, but we eventually got it. I rearranged very lightly until Teisha came to get me and start my paperwork downstairs.

We worked on that for a bit, and then she gave me a tour of the downstairs. It will take me quite a while to familiarize myself with everyone there. When we got to the customer service office, they had a tiny, fluffy dog hanging out in there. I tried not to get too excited, but it would be neat to be able to bring Muad’Dib on occasion.

I finished the morning reading through training documentation, which mostly didn’t really apply to my role, but had to be done. Then I left around lunch time so I could get back to town for my hematologist follow-up. I stopped at Taco Bell in Morrilton to get something to eat on the drive, and ran into Francis as they drove through the drive-through. He stopped to chat, and then I got my order and hit the road.

I was worried about being late, but when I got to Genesis and started to check in, I noticed the clock said I was an hour early. My guess was that the laptop was in the wrong time zone, so I left an hour earlier than I needed to. Fortunately they were able to squeeze me in, and the doctor tried to get me on a lower regimen of iron and a return visit in six months. I suggested instead that I should just call it good and walk away. He seemed surprised, but then agreed that a follow up with my PCP would be good enough to monitor my status before deciding to proceed with any specialist treatment.

When I had just gotten into town, I passed Suzanne and called to see if she wanted to get together. After my appointment, I met her, Dawn, and her dog Elvis at Point Remove for beer and pizza. We chatted for a long while in a mostly empty taproom, and I avoided fussing about stolen valor with their fake service dog.

I went home after that, and Eaddie was in the shower. I discovered Muad’Dib had chewed up a bunch of stuff he had evidently pulled off of Summer’s dresser. I tried cleaning up a bit, and when Eaddie finally presented herself, I addressed the fact that I had disabled her Discover card after I found she had thrown away a bunch of good stuff, including a metal spoon from our silverware drawer. She walked back to her room, left out the pizza box that she didn’t finish, and then came back out to leave, saying she wished I had brought it up sooner. She was super upset, got choked up, and nearly started to cry, which I didn’t completely understand. My goal was to address it with her in a way that wasn’t demeaning or embarrassing in front of her friends the night before, so I really don’t know how I could have approached it any better.

Summer was home shortly after that, and we talked about it. That went fairly expectedly, and then I walked Muad’Dib around the block while she took a bath. He had been outside all day, so I gave him a bath when we got home. The girls talked at some point, and then we all talked together, and then they talked, and then Eaddie came to talk to me. She just wants us to split up, plain and simple. I don’t feel like I’ve been taken seriously as a disciplinarian, and at this point she’s already on her way to living her own life anyway. I’ve done what I can, and I don’t expect to make any sweeping changes on a weeknight after my first day at a new job. Maybe we’ll figure it out tomorrow.

So you’re just gonna like… trust me?