Tag: family

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Congraduations

We had two graduation ceremonies to attend today, so not much else to do. Summer had to go to work for a bit, and I ate some of the terrible chicken tacos she made yesterday. Then Eaddie left to meet her at Walmart to find some pantyhose, and I started getting ready for the day.

Eli’s graduation was at one, and we got there a little later than we wanted, but still plenty early to get seats by his family. Eaddie freaked out and kept rudely calling Summer on the phone when she couldn’t find her shoes or her ticket to the graduation. It ended up being a non-issue, because she just walked in and nobody said anything to her, even though Ceci and I walked back around to give her an extra ticket they had.

The ceremony was actually fairly short at about an hour, since they split the class in half. It was neat that two of Eaddie’s friends were speakers, and then the kids walked and we dismissed to find them outside. Summer kept saying she didn’t want to stick around, so I started walking back to the car, which seemed to upset her. She never came up with a plan or vocalized a desire to do anything, so it was frustrating to just hover around that many other people in the sun.

We finally made it back home and I snacked a little before we left again for Eaddie’s graduation. We had to pick up Maristella on the way, and I took them to the band room to help Eaddie get dressed. Then Summer and I went back over to the arena and saved seats for my parents, Eli, his mom, and eventually Nick just as the ceremony started. The speeches went a little better than the first time after some live practice, and the kids made it through.

We found Eaddie outside and took a bunch of pictures, and then Summer and I headed home for the night. She went to the Neighborhood Market for some soda water, and I took Muad’Dib out for a run as the sun went down. At one point he disappeared into a wooded area after something, and the shock collar seemed ineffective. He did eventually return without much fuss, and we continued through the basin for a dip, then went through the roundabout before making it to my parents’ house. He ran reasonably well the whole way. My parents weren’t home, but I stopped to brush him out before we made it home.

I put on the second episode of Resident Alien after failing to come up with anything else to do, and then Eaddie got home from her senior night just as we were wrapping up for bed.

It really just isn’t.

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The C-Words

Randy texted on my way in that he would be a couple hours late after last night’s board meeting. Jimmy and I were basically the only two around all day, except for a brief appearance by Jay. Several others were out, but things were still bound to get exciting.

Anita knocked on the door a couple times after Maggie’s and Randy’s phones rang. Sonya in HR was trying to reach us, and was upset that we weren’t at her whim. Anita asked me to call her, and I wished I had recorded the conversation, because she immediately became snotty with me. I killed her with kindness, but just like last time, she hung up on me and basically said somebody was on their way to resolve the issue in person.

Not long after that, Randy did show up with Jacob, and I relayed the story in an emailed record of conversation. I got the feeling that Jacob was over her shenanigans as well. After that, things got super quiet again for the rest of the day. Summer called in the early afternoon to say that her biopsy results came back positive for ductal carcinoma, which sounded like the best case scenario for the threat of cancer. I reassured her the best I could, but she was obviously bothered.

I took a late lunch and ran through Rally’s for a pretty good Super Loaded Buford. The fries were hot and fresh enough to melt away my worries for the amount of time it took me to scarf them down. Randy was somewhere else for most of the afternoon, but came back in time to see that we didn’t leave at three.

When we did leave, I headed across town to check if the Target in West Little Rock had a Samsung The Frame TV on clearance. They did actually have one in stock, but it was still priced more than twice what I was willing to pay, so I had to walk away. While I was there, I guess I got hot on top of being a bit amped up, because my heart rate skyrocketed and I started to get a bit dizzy again. I chewed a fragment of a clonidine I had in my pocket, and it either helped or I just managed to calm myself down enough that it didn’t become an issue.

I headed back across town to Franklin’s Charging to get some juice before Mitch finished with work. As I pulled in, a guy asked me to slide over into another spot to try a different charger. He ended up being the owner, by the name of Jeff. He talked to me for the entirety of my visit, and seemed a proper EV nerd. As we were chatting, another guy pulled up next to me to charge his F150 Lightning. He was John, from AEV Solar, and the two of them continued the conversation as I mostly leaned back and listened. It was neat to hear a bit of Jeff’s journey in growing his business.

I eventually made it to Mitch’s hotel and waited for him to finish uploading some photos from the workday. Then by chance we were able to meet Blake and his friend Alyssa at Southern Tail, where we initially took drinks out to a picnic table at the edge of the property, but later found a table at the patio. We had a good time catching up, but it was definitely more rowdy than last time. We left as it just started to get dark, and I made my way home to the girls.

It rained a bit on the drive, but it was otherwise uneventful. The girls were chatting in the bedroom, so I laid with them for a bit before Eaddie went back to her room, and then it was a quick wind down to bed.

I’d like to say that it’s been real, but it’s been fake as hell.

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Surreality

Summer had her biopsy at Conway Regional this morning, so I actually got to sleep in for about an hour before we got up to go. We drove separately because we assumed I would be going to work afterward, but the whole procedure ended up taking a lot longer than we expected. We didn’t have to wait terribly long, but the ultrasound found something other than what the previous mammogram found, so the nurse used the ultrasound twice, then ended up doing another mammogram before they finally did a stereographic biopsy. I got to sit through the ultrasounds, but then waited in the tiny dressing room while they did the rest.

By the time we were done, I decided to take the whole day off. Summer headed home for her therapy, and I looked around Conway for some brunch before we’d eventually meet up again for lunch. I headed towards Hardee’s, but then stopped at Taco Bueno when I realized they were open at 10. I thought maybe they had breakfast, but they didn’t, so I got a platter and ate the crunchy bits that wouldn’t get gross over time. It was nostalgic, and exactly how I remembered it, and I think I decided that I missed it. If nothing else, it was cheaper than some other similar options.

I headed home and stopped at AT&T to kill some time while Summer finished up at therapy. I talked to Kevin and Nicole for a bit before they sent me to the back office to find Kevin and David. We chatted for a while since he was having lunch, and then I met Summer at La Huerta for our own lunch. Eaddie and Eli were there, so we chatted with them on their way out. My taco salad was pretty small, but I didn’t need much after brunch, and she liked her lunch fajitas. Food in Russellville is so much cheaper than it is in Little Rock, and it’s not okay.

After lunch, we went to Lowe’s to pick up an order Summer had for work, and then we went straight home. We laid on the couch for a bit, but then both ended up taking a nap for a couple hours. I had been highly anxious and jittery pretty much all morning, and the day felt very surreal to me since we had a busy morning and then nothing in the afternoon. The summer heat was coming, and we were both just tired. The nap kind of made me feel worse overall, but I think we both needed the rest.

I eventually got up to run Muad’Dib when it cooled down a little bit. He was expectedly slow for an evening in the upper 80s, and we had to skip a block to avoid some other people walking a couple of dogs. We made it home about half a mile short, but he was happy to get a semi-grilled hot dog when we got home.

I took out the trash and recycling, and then Summer and I laid on the couch for a while. I started something on Netflix, but ended up stopping it to try and talk to her for a bit because she was feeling off emotionally, and not just physically from the biopsy. We didn’t get much out, other than the same old stuff she’s feeling from work, but she did consider that her antidepressants may be suppressing some other things.

I put her to bed to finish up my own evening, but then Dad called and asked to borrow a carpet cleaner. He spilled his dinner and needed a way to clean it up, so he stopped by to borrow our handheld carpet cleaner. I finished up just as Eaddie got home from a long day out and visiting her father, and then it was off to bed a little early.

Indispuesta

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Back to Bassics – Mother’s Day

I woke up today and tried to choose joy, or at least keep myself hyped up enough to get the house in order for guests. Summer got up for some coffee and went to the gym, and I blasted some music throughout the house and got to cleaning. Eaddie eventually got up and left for church, and I had to prep the grill for some twice-smoked potatoes, asparagus, and New York strip steaks for the family.

Summer got home and I tried to accept a minimal amount of help from her, but she did lend a hand a few times. The grill was stubborn to get going again, but after a few starter cubes it finally picked up some heat. I smoked the potatoes for about an hour at 400º and then dropped them to about 225º while I took a shower. Then I smoked the steaks at 200º for about an hour before they got a little hotter than I intended. I pulled them off to rest and then cranked the heat up to 700º to cook the asparagus before throwing the steaks back on to sear.

Julie and Kevin showed up first, but Mom and Dad weren’t terribly late. I was in a rush to get everyone eating though, since I knew the steaks didn’t take on very much heat from the sear and would likely be a little cool to eat. Julie brought a salad and Dad brought a pumpkin cake. I thought my steak was pretty tough, but it wasn’t bad. It was by far the best I had cooked for them though. I failed to replicate the greatness of what I grilled for Noah and Michael a couple months ago.

After we ate, people started griping at me about still having things at the old house. I’ve been paralysed for a number of reasons that ultimately don’t matter, and I need to get it done. Then somehow we got onto the topic of money/rent/equity again, and for as hard as I’ve tried to just let it all go at a loss, they just kept wanting to dig in more like I’ve just always been in the wrong. Somehow, Julie said she had missed the singular point that I had ever made during every single argument we’ve ever had about it, and didn’t realize I was of the understanding that I was building equity. Mom kept asking to show her the paperwork where we officially agreed to anything at all. I ultimately had to just close my eyes and concentrate on breathing until it passed.

Once everyone left, I pushed Summer out of the kitchen because she was trying to clean up. Then I took Muad’Dib out for a long run and brushed him out a bunch at the basin before we circled around and made it home. He must have been tired from all the scraps, because he didn’t want to run much. Once we got home, I finished doing the dishes and then cleaned up everything outside before winding down for bed.

I’m sure it’s nothing but some heartburn, baby.

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Run Like Yell

We got up early for Summer’s run in Dardanelle this morning. We wanted to take Muad’Dib, but Summer wasn’t very proactive when we were trying to load things up to go, so I ended up forgetting my OneWheel. We got downtown and I started to just hang out with her, but I decided I’d try to run home and get it quickly so I could be back in time to watch the race. Unfortunately I got back over the bridge just in time to be stuck in traffic as they closed the road. I had no idea they would be running the race in that direction.

Once I got back downtown, I took Muad’Dib from Brian and a bunch of kids who had been babysitting him. Evidently Summer told them his name was Paul, because when I called him back to me, Brian said something along the lines of, “ah, now ‘Paul’ makes sense.” We raced after the runners and I felt really bad for being so late. We did encounter Summer after she was already on her way back from the turnaround, but we kept going. Most everyone seemed excited to see us, but I think I did get some glares, and one lady made the comment that I shouldn’t be doing that during a race.

On the way back, the same lady made another comment, and then immediately after that, Muad’Dib went rogue and brushed up against the back of another lady’s legs, who freaked out while she was running at full speed. I ended up moving to the next block to get back downtown, since I didn’t want any more grief or to cause any more trouble. I guess next time we’ll just bum around in other areas.

Summer finished the race before we made it back, and then I took Muad’Dib down to the river to try and clean up from the mud puddle he used to cool down. Summer made third in her age division, so she got another little pin, and then we headed home.

We had plans to go out for breakfast, but Summer didn’t feel well and had to soak in the tub for a while. Once she made it out, we ended up going to New China for lunch instead. Then we came home and started to doze off on the couch for a while. I woke up gasping for air multiple times, but didn’t make myself get up until much later, which hurt a bit.

Summer wanted to go to the Tech graduation for some of her employees, so I ran Muad’Dib over to my parents’ house to see if Mom wanted me to grill steaks for Mother’s Day. Then Summer and I went to graduation while Eaddie and Eli went out for cap and gown pictures with Dad. Summer got lots of pictures, and then we found the graduates outside once they were done.

The drive home was a little tense because for some reason Summer didn’t expect that I’d still be having a pretty hard time in general. She pouted, but I pushed through a trip to the Neighborhood Market anyway, to get everything we needed for grilling. The kids were watching TV when we got home, so we went to the bedroom and watched Neal Brennan: Crazy Good, a stand-up special until she crashed from her long day.

Normally I prefer my cookies to be a little less ambiguous.

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Pieman, Pieman

I got out a bit late this morning, but it didn’t matter. I spent the whole day poking around with my task sequences. I also started my escitalopram, I suggested a place called “It’s Time to Eat” for lunch, but was basically shot down. I thought I might skip, but then Randy wandered back toward my area and asked if I wanted to go to Taco Bell. Maggie overheard and wanted to go, so we all loaded up. As Randy was pulling out of the parking lot, he proposed Shotgun Dan’s. Nobody objected, so we met Kyle there.

The salad and pizza were both good. I’m always astounded at how much they mound the toppings on their pizza. Their lunch special for a seven-inch pizza and a small salad is easily one of the best deals you can get in Little Rock for lunch.

The afternoon was relatively quiet and short. I stopped at the liquor store in Morrilton, and then again in Blackwell because they didn’t have any larger bottles of pure grain alcohol, which is the cheapest way to wherever you’re going. I got home with a stomach ache that took some time to resolve, and then Summer got home from work and hung out while I took Muad’Dib out for a run.

We headed toward Casey’s for a free slush and ran into Mom at a stop sign on Phoenix. Then we stopped at Ridgewood Brothers where we ran into Grant while he was taking a smoke break out back. He ran in to get some meat for Muad’Dib, which he promptly gobbled down. Then we got to Casey’s and I got my slush. I set it down on top of the propane tank cage while I unhooked Muad’Dib, and forgot to pick it back up when we left, so we had to circle around to retrieve it.

We came back a slightly different way, but encountered the same group of people taking photos at the tiny tennis court by the bike trail. Muad’Dib took a bath in the basin creek, and then we stopped to visit with Dad for a while before we made it home.

Summer was on the couch, so I laid with her for a bit as she cried a bit about how nervous she was for her biopsy. I hate that I made any of this time any more stressful, but I guess the alternative could have been even more messy. We talked for a bit before Eaddie got home, and Summer went to bed while I went out back to chat with Eaddie and Muad’Dib for a while. Summer had another race in the morning, so I made myself a Dark and Stormy and got to bed as quickly as I could.

happy anniversary

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Are You Sidereus?!

I slept in a little bit today after a fairly long, rough day yesterday. Time had lost most of its meaning anyway. Summer was having coffee in the living room, and I think Eaddie went to school at least for a little while. Shawna actually responded back to my checking in on her lack of checking in. I said my peace, which went predictably about the same that it did fourteen years ago. At least it provided a bit of closure so I could keep my eyes forward.

Summer went to work for a while, and I took a shower and then put on some music while I assembled a metal locker I got from Vine for our dog accessories. Later in the afternoon, Summer met me at the Genesis Blood and Cancer Institute when she finished her workout. I had to pay a bunch more money (big surprise!) for reasons that could not be explained (when are we expecting America be great again?), and then we sat in the waiting room for nearly an hour before going back for vitals and then a chat with an eerily chipper Dr. Chen.

He entered the room with a cheery, “Hey buddy!” that had me dreading the worst news. It must be incredibly deflating to deal with a terminal as a profession, but he had good news. I now had too much iron. He dropped my supplements, and then suggested an SSRI for my anxiety attacks. I was leery of too much tinkering, but I’m no science-denier. We’ll try it his way.

We headed home, but it was too rainy to run Muad’Dib. Summer took a bath, and then we went out to Check H for dinner. We watched a Ricky Gervais Netflix special when we got home, then started for bed. Eaddie called late because she had lost the keys to the Murano and was stuck at the high school. I actually had a bit of dialog with Shawna to wrap up the night, and wrap up whatever the fuck happened there.

Hopefully we all learned a little about each other, and a lot about ourselves.

🚩 Took me 20 minutes lol 🚩

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I Bleed Blood

I got up early for my appointment this morning, and Summer went with me just to get my blood drawn. The nurse couldn’t find the vein in my right arm, so she switched to my let and ended up taking it from my forearm instead of the inside of my joint. She got her fill, and we were done without another word. Summer went on to work, and I went home to a big, spicy glass of orange juice after feeling feelings all week long.

Eaddie and I watched some Daredevil clips until she got up to go to school, but she didn’t stay gone long. I don’t know if they actually kicked her out, or if she just decided it wasn’t worth her time, but she came home and surprised the heck out of me. Much later in the afternoon I picked up Summer from the carwash to go to Mulan’s for a late lunch.

I made it back home and crashed on the couch. The kids were around somewhere, possibly after having gone and come back. I wasn’t clear. Eaddie did have an awards ceremony to attend, so I got up and took Muad’Dib for a quick run before Summer got home.

We only stopped to see Dad briefly, then I saw Mark and his family out walking as we made it home. Summer was outside waiting on us, so I put Muad’Dib out back and quickly changed. We got to the Center for the Arts just in the to find a program and get seated, and they kept the house lights up the whole time for some reason. It was just a big to-do about awarding scholarships to the kids, which we’d never had to attend before. They packed it all in to just over two hours, and then we headed home.

Summer and I sat out on the porch for a bit to talk, but it a bit too heated to be particularly productive. We just feel stuck, and I don’t know where to focus our energy. I put her to bed and stayed up way longer than I wanted. I discovered one of her wine spigots had been dripping onto the rice dispenser, and leaked into the lid and down into the rice, so I had to throw out a handful of that. Eaddie came home after catching up with Maristela and talked to me briefly before going to bed. Tomorrow we’ll get to see how fast I’m dying, or maybe at least why they don’t think I have enough blood.

You can bet that I’d let you walk all over me.

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Costly Affirmations

Today was mostly fighting parasitic thoughts after a fairly rough night. An attempt was made, to be sure, but it was all rumination on betrayal and disillusionment. Summer’s been unreasonably supportive throughout the entire thing, but that’s not without problems as well. We did manage to have a pretty good breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and sausage, but I could hardly keep myself from staring into space.

Eaddie got around and left for church and Summer went to the gym while I tried to draw focus. I cleaned up a little bit, broke down some boxes, and took out some recycling. At some point I did manage to get a shower, and later installed a light strip in the trunk of my car.

Summer got home from the gym and did some deep cleaning of her own, but things got really tense when I called out her poor substitutions, like cleaning with apple cider vinegar when she couldn’t find any white, and leaving furniture polish streaks on glass. I never try to make her feel bad, but she just doesn’t seem to get things, and I feel like I’m drowning.

The kids went out for a band picnic, so Summer thought we’d have some old frozen salmon fillets for dinner. I took over for her and thought I’d steam it and some veggies over some rice. I couldn’t find my steamer basket though, so I ran to the old house and ended up grabbing a different rice cooker that had its basket. While I was on the way over, I got a voice message from Mitch that he was in Little Rock for work. I called and talked to him for a bit, but ultimately decided against driving out for just an hour or so before he had to go to bed.

I started the rice and salmon, then ran to the Neighborhood Market for some quick frozen veggies to steam, then took Muad’Dib for a run. We went backwards to avoid an old lady walking a tiny dog, which was fine. We visited my parents, then went through the basin and back home. It was a bit chilly and quiet out, which might have been more peaceful if I hadn’t already felt incredibly uncomfortable.

We got home and Summer came out to eat. Dinner wasn’t great, but it was edible. At least the fish cooked all the way through. I laid down in bed with Summer for a while just to try and relax, and I started to pass out while she was scratching my back. I got up to wrap up the evening, and then Eaddie came home and wanted to chat with us for a bit before we all went to bed.

Sold Here

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Toad Eye Four

We got up early and Eli came over so we could head to Conway for Summer’s Toad Suck Daze 10k. We got to the high school and dropped Summer off, and once the race was started, I took the kids to Sonic for a snack. We ate at the picnic table outside, then got back to the race just in time to find a place to watch Summer coming in for the finish line. We waited around for awards, but left once she found out she wasn’t getting anything.

I thought Randy was going to meet us, but we missed him. We went downtown early, before the festival was officially open, and wandered around the block for a bit. We finally landed at the Toad Dome where Summer wanted to watch baby races. The kids went to get a funnel cake, and then we all made it into the tiny bleachers to watch the toad races. They called for first-timers, and Eli got pulled up to race in the first round. He ended up getting a tiny toad though, and came in next-to-last place.

After that, we wandered down the block again and ended up having lunch at R&M Southern Eatery. They had a Cajun menu that pleased everyone. Eaddie got a huge pasta that she shared since she wasn’t actually that hungry. My gumbo was heavy on the rice and light on the gumbo, but tasted great. Eli had a pretty small looking chicken sandwich, but he said it filled him up. Summer was going to get chicken and waffles, but I talked her into chicken and beignes instead, which she loved.

After we ate, we headed across town and let the girls shop for a dress at Cato while Eli and I went to Dollar Tree for some snacks. That got us to the theater just in time for Thunderbolts*. I thought the movie was pretty good, but I wished they had spent some time explaining how they made Bob.

We left the movie and went across town so Eaddie could do some dress shopping for graduation. I got a pair of shoes to use an expiring reward, and Eaddie finally found some dresses at Old Navy. We headed home after that, and then I took Muad’Dib out for a run as the sun started to set. It was nice and cool out, so he was practically flying. We visited my parents for a little while, and made it home where I sat with Summer in front of the TV just briefly before she went to bed.

I want to be the one everyone can rely on if they make a mistake.