The Beginning of the End

I woke up surprisingly sober and full of positive energy after a painfully unrested night. I tried to rub some of that positivity off on Summer, but she hardly said a word to me until our kiss goodbye. We got to work and I felt pretty good all morning. I sat down with Teisha and talked to her for a long time about our history and what was going on. She was as supportive as possible, and then we went upstairs to as much productivity as we could muster.

Grant met me at Ortega’s for the all-you-can-eat lunch, and he was super hyped as always. I hate that we’re bonding over trauma, but he’s been an incredible pillar of support. We ate, and then I gave him a super quick walk-through of our office before he headed back to the restaurant.

The afternoon dragged on much more after Summer ignored my messages all day. I was spent by the end of it, and we walked out a few minutes early just to get to the house and try to keep the momentum up. It looked like Summer was still out looking for places to live, but they both showed up at the house right after we got there.

I got them to sit down with me in the living room to discuss the urgency of the whole situation. Summer is just over it, and is ready to explore solo life to find out who she is without anyone else there, and she wants no safety net. Eaddie repeated her concern that we’re just incompatible, and feels like we’d be better off apart. There’s still a lot of love, but too much negativity to continue moving forward, and they want a fresh start. They did agree to slow their hastiness so we could go over financials and find them a nice place to live so they don’t just settle out of a desire to leave.

I continued cleaning the kitchen, but it was a struggle after that. I’ve just never been big on waste. I did some laundry and cleaned the guest room so I could sleep there. It looks like I have nowhere to go, so the hunt begins.

Always at the whim.

Death Spiral

I got up reasonably early again today, expecting to do some more cleaning and furniture assembly, but boy was I wrong. I felt pretty ignored all day. The girls went to the gym together, so I finished the leftover turkey bean soup and took a bath. Summer barely approached me when they got back, and didn’t acknowledge my response when she asked what was wrong, so I knew something was up.

She warmed up some pasta, but I didn’t end up eating with them. Mom had said she was making phở at some point, so I had been holding out for that. Eaddie left and I finally pinned Summer down to figure out what was going on. She acknowledged the same death spiral I had been feeling for the past few years. We talked for a bit, but it was mostly emotionless by that point.

I took Muad’Dib for a brisk walk to my parents’ house where Dad and Nova were already halfway through their soup. Mom made mine and I ate, and then we walked back to the house. I felt like our conversation after that was a little less doom and gloom, but we still don’t have anything actionable.

The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.

Flat Packed

Summer had a lot of trouble sleeping last night and I found her on the couch in the middle of the night. I got up fairly early and took Muad’Dib with me to Hardee’s to pick up some breakfast since they owed me a sandwich from the day before. A little later, Summer had to take care of some stuff for work, so I took her to Lowe’s where I hung outside with Muad’Dib while she went in to pick up an order. Then we stopped by the wash and I vacuumed my car while she took care of a personnel issue.

I got a fire started again when we got back, and started putting together a piece of furniture I got from Vine. Mom made bún thang, but Summer didn’t feel well and wasn’t hungry, so I went over by myself to eat. I finished up the furniture when I made it back, and then had a late shower before Summer eventually started making a seafood Alfredo dinner.

The kids got home and we ate, then played some Phase 10 Tiles before they wanted to move to the living room to watch Breaking Bad. I put together another piece of furniture that felt super cheap, and they ultimately took up more space than the boxes they came in, but it felt good to get something done and ready to be put to use, or even sold off if we decided not to keep it.

You can’t break some eggs without making an omelet.

Shop Chop

I really wanted to stop for breakfast this morning, but we got out late after I couldn’t find Muad’Dib’s collar. I later learned that Eaddie took it off of him in the night because he kept shaking with it on, and I guess it bothered her. We squeezed in and I got right to work on email signatures. I spent a lot of time formatting and organizing staff photos, but CodeTwo made it as easy as possible. I didn’t love working in Affinity for photo editing, but I’m sure it’d be great with some experience.

When lunch time came around, I queued up a few places depending on the weather. It ended up being pretty cold and windy, so we went to Wendy’s for a burger that was twice the price for something easily twice as good. I had an anxiety attack right in the middle of it, but it came and went without too much of a daze afterward.

The afternoon was more of the same, to the point that my mouse hand ached from all the repetition. I finally sent an email to the sales folks with instructions on how to remove their own device-set signatures, and then got everyone that was still in the office fixed up before I left.

When we got to the house, the kids were in the living room while Summer was having a bath. I took Muad’Dib for a walk, and he seems to know that we always go straight to my parents’ house when I’m on foot. Mom was in the middle of making bánh u̕ớt, so we stayed for dinner before walking back to the house. He took me down Ridgewood this time, and then we laid down with Summer as she fell asleep to WandaVision.

I still had to enable my work email signatures, and Jon apparently didn’t like the photo that was in the favorites folder, so I had to edit that as well. It didn’t take too long, and then I went to bed early.

Affinity for carpal tunnel.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

We had a staff meeting this morning and somebody had mentioned Muad’Dib last time, so I thought I’d give him a shot at hanging out today. He did not like the golden bust statue of Bruce, and barked at it a few times before everyone settled into the meeting room. I had to hang onto his collar for a while because he kept wanting to wander and see everyone, but he eventually settled down a bit. Evidently we had a pretty serious injury in the plant, but they said he’d probably be back in a couple of days. Then Shane pressed me about the email signatures, so I knew I had to focus on that today. I didn’t feel great about the little I had to share for my part, but after the meeting I got to work.

I knew there were some caveats about inserting the signature in the mail flow rules, so I investigated a trial for CodeTwo. They had some extra features, and Shane didn’t even blink when I said it was like $1.50 per user, so I spent most of my time cleaning up the directory and cropping portraits. Time got away from me a little bit and we went to lunch late. I had my one perfect round of items at Ortega’s and then headed back to work.

The afternoon got away from me as well, but by the end of it I had a working demo for a signature. I’ll have the sales team done tomorrow. We walked out a couple minutes late and made it home where Summer was cleaning up after her second procedure this afternoon. I guess someone told her she didn’t have to keep her leg wrapped this time, so she took both of them off without a second thought. She didn’t even like the compression leggings I had gotten her, so she was just hanging out.

Muad’Dib and I went on an acoustic walk in the dark, visited my parents, and then I let him lead me back to the house. We didn’t do all of our normal route, but we got quite a bit done. I cleaned up a little and then laid down on the couch to watch some YouTube with Summer before bed.

A different kind of reimage.

Mortality

I got out a hair earlier this morning and considered stopping at Hardee’s, but just headed straight to work instead. I felt a little bit odd for much of the day, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. I begrudgingly tinkered with Intune and the Android tablets and phone I had, and made minimal progress. All roads continued to lead back to certificate-based authentication.

We took a break to go to Sonic for lunch, and a guy in a stall next to the picnic tables chatted with me about Muad’Dib. He was a good boy who got lots of tots. The Smasher was actually pretty good, too.

The afternoon crept by, and I felt worse and then better until quitting time. I had brought my Onewheel to ship for RMA service, so I asked Summer if she wanted to walk with us in the evening instead. She started her vericose vein procedure in the afternoon, and needed to walk on it a bit. By the time we got to the house, she had dinner about ready, so we ate instead.

Eaddie sat down to eat with us and it was a good meal. Eli showed up a little later for some, but then went home for second dinner. I had stopped by the Neighborhood Market on the way home to try and return some poor quality beef jerky, but was turned away because I was outside the return window, so I called the number on the packaging instead. It took a little while, but a nice lady said she would send a giftcard to reimburse me. Then I moved to the couch across from Summer and put on Ricky Gervais’s new special on Netflix. I didn’t think it was terribly funny, but watched it through before moving on to some MKBHD before bed.

The meatbags are failing.

Horse Humpin, Wing Stoppin, Dog Shoppin Day

I made myself a fancy capuccino today before realizing the milk was curdled, so I threw that out and then had a cup of black instead. The girls got up and watched TV, and I cleaned up around the house. I cooked my turkey beans some more and added a block of frozen broth from before. That helped quite a bit, and though we didn’t actually plan to have a meal of it yet, Summer and I shared a small cup because it was tasty. Sometime in the afternoon, a deep squat exercise machine I scored on Vine showed up, and I put it together for Summer. She actually seemed pleased with it, so I put it together for her.

Later in the evening, she wanted to go to Walmart. Eaddie had left, so we took Muad’Dib along for the ride. We went by the wash first so she could print something. Then we went to the newly opened Wingstop to check things out. They were barely more than a food truck in a sliver of a storefront next to McAlister’s. Completely cashless, and basically just pumping out mobile orders. We ate there, and it was pretty good, but very salty. I still think Zaxby’s is the best in town.

Muad’Dib had been in the car for a little while by then, so we took him to PetSmart to walk around and pick up some treats. Then we went to Walmart so Summer could get some cross stitch thread. Finally we got back to the house and I took Muad’Dib out for a run.

My parents had gone to Fort Smith, but were on the way back. I thought we’d circle around a bit and meet up with them, but my board died just as we made a loop, so I limped it home and boxed it up to ship back to Futuremotion for like the fourth time. I sat on the couch with Summer and flipped through some YouTube until she got up for bed. Eaddie came home late, and they chatted for a little bit as I got ready for bed myself.

Not half bad.

Muck Pot

Summer wanted Mulan’s all night, so she woke up wanting to be the first ones in line when they opened. I woke up feeling pretty terrible, so I did not make that timeline. She ended up going to the gym, and I finally felt well enough to go in the afternoon.

Eaddie stayed home with Muad’Dib since she had a friend coming over to get one of her keyboards. We made it to Mulan’s and they were quite busy, especially considering it was a late lunch. The food all looked horribly dry and gross though. Everything was overcooked and oversauced. Anything that wasn’t sauced was dry and chewy. For a while now, I’ve gotten less and less impressed by their food, to the point that I really only like their soup and desserts now.

By the end of it, we both felt a little off from the food. We headed back to the house, stopping first to get the carpet cleaner from my parents’ house. Eli had come over to watch more Breaking Bad, and Summer sat out there with them. I just spent the day alone and bored until I realized how late it had gotten and took Muad’Dib for a run.

We saw my parents again, then continued back to the house in the dark. I got Eaddie’s other keyboard stand assembled and set up in her room for the Casio CT-6000 she rescued from rotting in her grandparents’ house. Otherwise it was more bored alone time until bed.

August we’ll see.

²

It was damp out today, and slightly drizzly, but not too gross. There was a truck off the side of the road going the other direciton just as we got to Morrilton, and we could see traffic backed up from there. Things were quiet for me, and I tried to replicate my focus from yesterday. I did fairly well, but everything I was doing led me back to square one. I just need to decide whether to spin up a new DC and go hybrid, or pay for more cloud services.

When lunch came around, we went to McDonald’s for a McRib. After waiting a while, they came out and said they weren’t selling it any more, and offered to make me something else. I forgot how pitiful the McCrispy was, and got that. It tasted fine, but was just a small, sad sandwich. I ended up redeeming points for some McNuggets before I left.

A little while later, I had an anxiety attack at work. I wish I had a better way to track this along with some vitals from my peripherals, and I’m surprised there isn’t an app for that. The rest of the afternoon went by kind of slowly, and I was alone upstairs for much of it.

The ride home was quiet and fast. My parents were making egg rolls again, so I ran over with Muad’Dib. Summer was already in the shower when we got to the house, so she met us over there when she was done. Julie and Kevin showed up, and I got a little spun up as we were starting to put food together. I felt like my heart was racing and I felt a little dazed, but I think Julie’s aggressive loudness just had my blood pressure up, so I just had to relax and let it pass.

We all actually sat together and ate together for once, which was nice. Muad’Dib did a wonderful job sitting in the laundry room, and we had a good run back to the house afterward. My heartrate was about the same as it was during my episode and I felt fine, so I’m sticking with blood pressure with a side of dehydration since I was a little bit shy on my water quota.

Eaddie and Eli were at the house watching Breaking Bad when we got there, so Summer went to bed while I wrapped up fairly early myself. I think the sleep helps, though the afternoon anxiety attack and evening daze had me a bit puzzled.

1

🥓

I anticipated feeling a little less than great today, but I actually wasn’t bad. We stopped for breakfast and had some pretty stale hash rounds, but Muad’Dib didn’t complain. The biscuit was great though. I had a lot of trouble pinning down one particular project all day, so I’ll be picking up the slack until our staff meeting next week.

We went to Wendy’s for a change, looking for some top-tier fast food. Their deals haven’t been nearly as good, but the food was easily twice as good as a deal anywhere else. Muad’Dib was a good boy in the car, and my burger was great. I finally managed to make a little bit of progress in the afternoon, but it was nothing of much use.

We had a decent ride home and immediately went for a run. Dad said they would have egg rolls, but Eaddie wanted to go have dinner with her father. Summer got home just before us, but didn’t feel well and wanted to soak in a bath instead.

The egg rolls were rubbery until they were air fried, and then we just had them with some rice since the noodles weren’t ready. I ate too much, and then we made it back to the house in the dark. Eaddie came home briefly and then left to practice, and Summer went to bed. I finished a couple hours early and took the opportunity to catch up on some sleep with the hopes of focus in the morning.

8R