Tag: frustration

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Apart

I left work when I saw Summer was home early. We got back to town just as she and Eaddie were leaving the house, but they pulled over at Kroger so I could talk to them.

I ended up at Ridgewood to see if Grant was there. I knew he was safe. I called, and he wasn’t there, but he came in from home and just hugged me. We came back to the house and talked for a long time. I realized I forgot my eyeglasses there, so he called someone to have them put them in the office for me.

The girls got home and I talked to Summer briefly. Grant left to have his family time, and I went with Summer to her vein appointment. Then we went to Bona Dea to walk with Muad’dib. Then we went to the house to get a coupon to go to Colton’s for a late lunch.

Neither of us ate much of our food. We boxed up the rest and came back to the house where she bathed for a while and I moved things out of the kitchen. We eventually talked for a bit, but it was for nothing.

Now we unravel the knot with haste and move along.

Decades.

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Death Spiral

I got up reasonably early again today, expecting to do some more cleaning and furniture assembly, but boy was I wrong. I felt pretty ignored all day. The girls went to the gym together, so I finished the leftover turkey bean soup and took a bath. Summer barely approached me when they got back, and didn’t acknowledge my response when she asked what was wrong, so I knew something was up.

She warmed up some pasta, but I didn’t end up eating with them. Mom had said she was making phở at some point, so I had been holding out for that. Eaddie left and I finally pinned Summer down to figure out what was going on. She acknowledged the same death spiral I had been feeling for the past few years. We talked for a bit, but it was mostly emotionless by that point.

I took Muad’Dib for a brisk walk to my parents’ house where Dad and Nova were already halfway through their soup. Mom made mine and I ate, and then we walked back to the house. I felt like our conversation after that was a little less doom and gloom, but we still don’t have anything actionable.

The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.

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Horse Humpin, Wing Stoppin, Dog Shoppin Day

I made myself a fancy capuccino today before realizing the milk was curdled, so I threw that out and then had a cup of black instead. The girls got up and watched TV, and I cleaned up around the house. I cooked my turkey beans some more and added a block of frozen broth from before. That helped quite a bit, and though we didn’t actually plan to have a meal of it yet, Summer and I shared a small cup because it was tasty. Sometime in the afternoon, a deep squat exercise machine I scored on Vine showed up, and I put it together for Summer. She actually seemed pleased with it, so I put it together for her.

Later in the evening, she wanted to go to Walmart. Eaddie had left, so we took Muad’Dib along for the ride. We went by the wash first so she could print something. Then we went to the newly opened Wingstop to check things out. They were barely more than a food truck in a sliver of a storefront next to McAlister’s. Completely cashless, and basically just pumping out mobile orders. We ate there, and it was pretty good, but very salty. I still think Zaxby’s is the best in town.

Muad’Dib had been in the car for a little while by then, so we took him to PetSmart to walk around and pick up some treats. Then we went to Walmart so Summer could get some cross stitch thread. Finally we got back to the house and I took Muad’Dib out for a run.

My parents had gone to Fort Smith, but were on the way back. I thought we’d circle around a bit and meet up with them, but my board died just as we made a loop, so I limped it home and boxed it up to ship back to Futuremotion for like the fourth time. I sat on the couch with Summer and flipped through some YouTube until she got up for bed. Eaddie came home late, and they chatted for a little bit as I got ready for bed myself.

Not half bad.

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Muck Pot

Summer wanted Mulan’s all night, so she woke up wanting to be the first ones in line when they opened. I woke up feeling pretty terrible, so I did not make that timeline. She ended up going to the gym, and I finally felt well enough to go in the afternoon.

Eaddie stayed home with Muad’Dib since she had a friend coming over to get one of her keyboards. We made it to Mulan’s and they were quite busy, especially considering it was a late lunch. The food all looked horribly dry and gross though. Everything was overcooked and oversauced. Anything that wasn’t sauced was dry and chewy. For a while now, I’ve gotten less and less impressed by their food, to the point that I really only like their soup and desserts now.

By the end of it, we both felt a little off from the food. We headed back to the house, stopping first to get the carpet cleaner from my parents’ house. Eli had come over to watch more Breaking Bad, and Summer sat out there with them. I just spent the day alone and bored until I realized how late it had gotten and took Muad’Dib for a run.

We saw my parents again, then continued back to the house in the dark. I got Eaddie’s other keyboard stand assembled and set up in her room for the Casio CT-6000 she rescued from rotting in her grandparents’ house. Otherwise it was more bored alone time until bed.

August we’ll see.

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Pro Duck

Sleep was really touch-and-go last night, and of course as morning drew near, sleep felt heavier with more frequent dreams. Muad’Dib beat me out of the gate and we had a fairly gentle ride in to work where I actually stayed pretty productive all day, though in the end I still felt like I gained more projects than I finished.

We had a cheap lunch, splitting between some cheese sticks at Sonic and a sandwich from Arby’s. We ate the cheese sticks in the car while we waited for the Arby’s, and then ate the sandwich back at the office before calling Gary back to troubleshoot a display issue he was having.

The afternoon ended up speeding by, especially the closer we got to quitting time, and we walked out a little bit late. I had a couple of dueling super duty super douches on the Interstate, so we exited early and went to PetSmart to avoid any more road rage. Muad’Dib did great, and I ended up getting him a floppy rubber frisbee like Cutie always has.

Summer surprised me with shrimp and veggies over rice for dinner, and it was just the two of us, so we ate in front of the TV and watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 before retiring for the night. Eaddie had plans to take Muad’Dib hiking th enext day, so I set up his Fi Mini tracking collar and got everything ready for her. I was a little nervous about it, but the tracker helped.

Wild that it’s more expensive than Fitbit Premium, but I guess there’s a cellular aspect.

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Out of Nerves

I fell asleep late, but surprisingly woke up fairly early. Summer got up for coffee, and I made us a couple more sandwiches. I thought it would be a good, productive day, but Summer almost immediately started irritating me by being loudly obtuse. I just had to walk away before my inside thoughts got too mean, but of course that upset her too. I thought she left for the gym, but she actually just quietly started cleaning the laundry room, and rearranging everything in there. I walked out of my office and the house was cold because she had the door wide open while she was doing that.

Things just got worse all day long, as I struggled to make sense of how she had compacted everything. I didn’t really get anything accomplished except for the cooking of some old food that needed to be consumed. I started the turkey carcass in the Instant Pot, and boiled the liver and leftover broccoli stems for Muad’Dib.

Dad called and needed to borrow a carpet cleaner, and somewhere along the way, the handheld one got a damaged charge port. I blamed Summer because she had just moved it in her cleaning, but that upset her too. Dad had to bring it back and swap for the upright carpet cleaner. I took Muad’Dib for an early run while the sun was up, and then spent the rest of the evening finishing up the turkey broth and beans. It wasn’t anything like the soup I wanted to make, and it was more beans than soup, but it was edible, and it got junk out of the fridge and turned it into something that everyone will have to eat.

no improvement

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Worst Best Case Scenario

I felt pretty awful all day. It was rainy, and I thought food might help, so we picked up some Burger King and shared the hash rounds on the drive in. I didn’t eat the biscuit until nearly lunch time, so then I took a really late lunch. I felt overwhelmed with new projects most of the day, and I just couldn’t finish any one of them.

Things were quiet by quitting time, and it was a relaxing drive home. We walked in and found a bunch of standing water in the laundry room, and I feared the worst. There was no time to waste though, so I turned off the water lines to the washing machine, changed clothes, and took Muad’Dib on a run.

When we got back to the house, I had to take a little break until Summer got home. Then I started excavating the laundry room. It kept looking dry under the washer, so I went the other direction and finally found the source. We had kept some spring water from Hot Springs, and rats chewed into the bags, causing them to leak all over everything. Now I’ve got to find where they’re getting in and patch that, plus I still have to replace the garbage disposal.

I took a break and played some Don’t Starve on my phone in the dark living room by myself. I died, and finally decided to try it on the Steam Deck again for the next round. It was getting late, so I laid with Muad’Dib and Summer in bed for a little while before getting up and getting ready for bed myself.

488

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No Resolutions

I had a tough time getting up for work this morning and got out of the house late, but still made it in without any trouble. The old server must have died from a power issue or something, because Heaven caught me right off the bat with an internet issue. I just need to get them off of the old domain controller.

The rest of the day was fairly focused on cleaning up the user directory for the menial task of unified email signatures. Organization on the front end would have made this a two click fix, but that is not the way of things. I had an anxiety attack somewhere along the way and contemplated tracking dates and times for those.

I had sort of been planning to go to Arby’s sometime this week, and today seemed as good a day as any. They were packed, but I found a table to eat. Joel came by in the afternoon to tell me they were cutting everyone loose at 2:30.

Eaddie was making Oreo balls with Eli when we got back to the house. Summer came home and took a bath while I took Muad’Dib on a run. I wanted to take him to PetSmart, but by the time Summer got ready and we made it to the store, they were closing up for the night. We went to Point Remove instead, and played cards over some pizza.

The kids were gone to a party when we got back to the house. I gave Muad’Dib a good bath before we went to see my parents. Mom was asleep the whole time, but we had some sparkling wine with Dad. We visited for a short while before going back to the house where the kids finished the series finale of Stranger Things. Summer went to bed and I finished the essentials.

Perpetuity

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Turbo Husk

The wind was still howling this morning, and it was freezing cold, but dry. The office was surprisingly quiet again, which made it difficult to get motivated. Further reading of Microsoft documentation didn’t help. I tried to pep myself up with a cup of coffee from my new portable press, but it was awful. I’ll just have to brew larger cups of those old grounds at home, and use them up.

I had an anxiety attack at some point, but I don’t recall whether it was before or after lunch. We went to McDonald’s and Sonic so Muad’Dib could have a little snack with me. I thought he’d want to run more after lunch, but he was ready to go inside. The afternoon dragged on forever until quitting time.

Eaddie was supposed to make lasagna for the second day in a row, but texted earlier to say she wasn’t going to do that. Summer had called earlier as well, to say the Murano’s power steering was going out. I was frustrated at the lack of proactive maintenance and the fact that Eaddie still hadn’t found the Pathfinder keys that she lost.

We got to the house and took a quick run, but the cold wasn’t quite as sharp. Muad’Dib took off like a rocket, and I was too hesitant on the board to try and keep up with him, but he was doing well over 20 miles an hour. We visited Dad briefly before making it back to the house. The girls got into a frustrating argument in which Eaddie got onto Summer for “having an attitude with her all day.” She and I had a talk later about how I didn’t like the connotations of that word, and I think it helped. I eventually had some leftover turkey before laying down with Muad’Dib for a little while. Summer joined us after her bath, and we quickly flipped through some Netflix as Muad’Dib started snoring heavily.

I dawdled for quite a while before joining them.

Notes on Notes on Numbers

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Spring Holiday

I slept a little later than I intended, but had plenty of time to get the turkey on the smoker. We had time for some coffee and presents, and a game of Phase 10 Tiles. I managed to get some blisters on my right hand trying to chop up some wood for the smoker, and then ended up putting the disc in whole since it just barely fit. I was worried the charcoal would jam it, and it did later on. I took Muad’Dib on a run to my parent’s house for some honey, and then rode back with an instant read thermometer for Dad. On the way back, the Onewheel died on me, so Summer had to come pick us up.

I smoked the turkey and the ham, and had to dislodge the wood to keep the fire going. I had accidentally started the turkey about 100º too hot, so I dropped that down after basically reverse-searing it. The ham probably could have gone on earlier too, but they all finished right on time for me to get the turkey sliced up.

Eaddie, Eli, and Ceci were watching Stranger Things all day, but came along for dinner. We got to the airport just in time to eat, and Kevin had a bunch of family there along with our group. I didn’t feel too bad, because Julie had to run home for something too.

Dinner was a little fragmented, and we didn’t really have a clearly defined dinner and dessert time. Dad did some magic, and then flamed the plumb pudding. The alcohol didn’t all burn off though, so it tasted a bit boozy with the PGA. I chased it down with some of Julie’s over-rich chocolate cake.

The kids kept wanting to go home early, but we made them stay a while before cutting out. Then I was in a rush to get out so we could settle down for bed and work in the morning.

But now I’m sunny with a high of 75