Tag: lessons

Uncategorised

Damned Scavengers

We managed to get out of the house early today, so I made a last-second decision to grab Hardee’s on the way out of town. Dexter was at work today, so Muad’Dib ran around with him just a little bit in the morning before we went back upstairs to continue reading through Intune policies.

It was chilly out by lunch time, so I just went to McDonald’s for another Big Arch. There was already a line of disgruntled people there, so I shouldn’t have been so surprised when I saw they didn’t make my burger to order. I went to have them remake it, and of course my somehow-perfect fries were cold by the time I got back to them.

The afternoon dragged a little bit as I went through security baselines, and then we headed home. Summer was just getting into a bath, so we didn’t get to go walking right away. I waited for her to get out, and then still had to talk her into going out again.

We walked to my parents’ house to see them, then came right back. Dad gave me some more rat poison because the stuff I had already put out was already gone, and we still had rats. They also ate all of the bait I put on the bucket trap, but didn’t actually get trapped. I hate to use a glue trap, but I’m running out of options.

Eaddie ate my leftover Hawaiian Bros. again, so I went to bed pretty angry, but at least this time it was my fault for not having finished it by now.

Kindly fuck off.

Uncategorised

More Less Better

I woke up to some weird, strange, scary dream last night, but I couldn’t remember anything about it. I didn’t think I’d be able to go back to sleep, but luckily that didn’t last long. I still had a bit of a rough start, and though I got up early for a free birthday drink from Starbucks, I didn’t end up going because they must have been out of milk somehow.

We got to work and I did a pretty good job of focusing on my Autopilot task. It’s finally starting to get kind of fun to tinker with that stuff, though there’s still plenty I don’t understand. It still wasn’t rainy during lunch time, but I really wanted to try the new BIG ARCH burger at McDonald’s, so Muad’Dib just had to wait in the car.

I didn’t realize how big it was, so I also got a small Happy Meal for some McNuggets and a Changeables toy in order to bump the total up enough to qualify for a discount. I ate that first, so when I actually opened the burger and realized how big it was, I knew I was in trouble. I was actually really pleased with the burger though. It was tasty enough to drown out the noise of the obnoxiously loud group of teens that were at my usual bench seats. There must have been a bus of them somewhere, because I later saw several groups of them convene across the street at Taco Bell.

I let Muad’Dib run some more coming back to work, and a little later in the afternoon Janice had cake for me. She made me a lemon poke cake, and it was super good. It felt really nice to be in a work family that did stuff like that again, though there’s no telling whether that will continue to be a thing when she retires. Hopefully we can continue in some fashion.

I had an anxiety attack sometime in the afternoon, but I don’t remember if it was before or after cake. I felt progressively worse all afternoon like I had gas in my chest that just kept coming out as burps. I did my best to relax because my heart was racing as well. I lived to see the end of the day, and picked up my Starbucks on the way home to save for later, then found Summer in a bath.

She was really hungry, so we decided to take Muad’Dib to Point Remove for some boneless wings and a couple beers. As soon as we got there, a lady recognized Muad’Dib and asked if he was the dog that kept getting out in our neighborhood. She remembered me working at Two Rivers, and I think I remembered encountering them on a run or something. It really feels like I’m living with a celebrity sometimes.

I only finished Summer’s first stout because she wanted to try one of the wines, and then I only had a couple of the wings just to take it easy. I felt a little better by the time we left, and we swung through Tropical Smoothie for a free smoothie to save for the morning. Then Summer went straight to sleep when we got to the house. I kind of wanted to go for a walk, but also wanted to get to bed early. I started to feel a lot worse for a bit, but checked my blood pressure and took a clonidine since I was right at the cusp of being that high. I felt better as I continued to burp, and wondered if it was mostly due to the poor nutritional value of the food I’ve been eating. I think it’s time to go regular on the Soylents again.

I’ve never been this many before.

Uncategorised

Tostaguac

I skipped the Soylent this morning and just had some coffee instead. Charles and his crew got the TV mounted, but still hadn’t run power to it, which was fine since I still hadn’t really made any content to put up on a digital sign anyway. Every time I get into a content management system, something about it frustrates me to the point of looking for something new.

I had an anxiety attack in the morning, then met Summer at Ortega’s for lunch. I found another great combination with the tostaguac, and we filled up and headed back to work. The afternoon went by fairly quickly, and I left just a few minutes early to get back to town for therapy.

Summer was working at the lube, and then we walked over and took Muad’Dib inside with us this time. I don’t think anybody really felt like the session did any good this time, and probably did more to irritate us. This was a pity, since otherwise we had been feeling really good. Summer even mentioned at lunch that she finally felt like she wasn’t enjoying her job any more, but of course that didn’t come up when we were with the therapist. It really felt like we just burned our 45 minutes.

We left for home and I had a few packages to go through. Then I only got distracted into one big project while trying to clean up the kitchen table. I did get a monitor set up by the bathtub for Summer, so that pleased her. Unfortunately the monitor may not be any good, but we’ll test it out some more.

Summer went to bed and Eaddie had Eli come over late for some leftovers. I cleaned up a bit more and then rushed to bed.

I guess we’re wingin’ it again!

Uncategorised

The Cheese Stands Alone

I heard some rustling in the dining room this morning, and shook down some boxes to expose a rat, who scurried around the corner faster than I could believe. The dog has no traction, but the rat moved like it was on rails. I thought I heard another one, but could never find it, so I knew we had to excavate the corner sooner than later.

We got to work and I actually felt pretty good, but quickly turned sour as my stomach did flips. We made it to lunch, and it was nice outside, so we went to Taco Bell. Muad’Dib did great sitting at the picnic table outside while I waited forever to get our food. There were multiple employees standing, and no discernible reason for the food to have taken so long. I eventually made it back outside and we shared some fries and chicken bits.

Afterward, we stopped by Sonic for some cheese sticks and then made it back to the office. It was a long afternoon, but I finally submitted my first purchase order with Howard. I like my new reps so far, and hopefully I can execute this digital signage well enough to impress some folks.

Summer was in the shower when we got home, and I still felt gross for a little while. I thought I might go help Neil with a computer, but ended up having leftovers for dinner with Summer, and then cleaned up the stack of boxes in the dining room. Hopefully I can keep things moving enough to keep the rats from moving back in, and then I’ll have to go full-extermination mode.

Gains

Uncategorised

Lessons Fought

Eaddie called me a little after midnight, which of course startled us both. I tried to answer, but then she walked around the corner toward the bedroom and said she needed help. Summer jumped up too, but I dressed and followed her outside to investigate. Eli was sitting in the Pathfinder in the driveway right behind my car, and had gotten stuck on the ice slope.

We couldn’t even walk on the ice because it was so slick, so I got a couple containers for the kids to shuttle water back and forth. Eaddie was minimally helpful, and sassed me any time I told her to do anything. Summer eventually came out with my axe and started whaling on the ice to break it up. After a couple hours, we finally got free and climbed out of the driveway. I mentioned Eaddie’s attitude to Summer, and she decided to address it right away before the kids left. Of course Eaddie started crying in frustration, which broke Summer down. I meant for it to be discussed later, but apparently Eaddie had previously expressed wanting to be called out on the spot. They left and Summer and I struggled to go back to sleep.

As tired as I was in the morning, we made it to work for a long day. Rhonda said Muad’Dib had peed on Teddy’s bed in their office, which surprised me since he’s usually right around me. I tried to stay focused, but had a pretty bad anxiety attack in the morning. We got mozzarella sticks from Sonic, then a box from Taco Bell since it actually felt reasonably nice outside. Some old jackass parked crooked next to me, but luckily I could Summon my car out of the spot and load Muad’Dib back in when we left.

The afternoon dragged on a bit, and then we headed home. Janice gave me some money for gift cards from Old South and Brown’s, but the latter would be closed until the next day. The girls were at the house when we got there, but things seemed quiet. Summer bathed and I left to pick up some food. Eaddie denied hunger, but I knew she would eat, so I picked up a bunch of wings from Buffalo Wild Wings, and then a plate from Panda Express. Buffalo Wild Wings was terribly slow, and the boneless wings were terribly small, and of course Panda Express had boxed up my order half an hour before I finally got there.

We all sat down to eat, which was nice, but then Summer quietly summoned me to the bedroom for a talk. I think we both knew Eaddie was really upset that Summer had reversed her decision to get out by the end of the week, but I guess they talked about it and it had them both very bothered. I went to talk to Eaddie about it myself, and I felt like we had a pretty good conversation. Of course I won’t know how she really feels, but hopefully she and Summer can revisit later, and I’m sure we’ll be fine if we can all agree to focus our energy in a positive way.

Eaddie left to practice at Witherspoon, and I rushed to bed without much of a catch-up session with Summer. The less energy we have to spend on catching up for things like this, the better.

Beat the keys out of it.

Uncategorised

All or Nothing

Friday was good until it got bad enough to become good again. I stayed pretty busy at work, but struggled in the afternoon as the girls went looking for houses. I stopped by PetSmart when we got back to town, because I needed something to interrupt how I was feeling, and I got Muad’Dib a bunch of treats. Mark needed some computer help as well, so I stopped to see him for a bit too. When I got home, I managed to sit down and talk with Summer for a long while, and eventually we were able to agree that they would slow down long enough to breathe and catch back up from all the recent heaviness. We’ll give it three months without any more of that added stress, and focus on some therapy and heavy communication to see if we can maintain some momentum with our positive change. Eaddie came around and I took them to Waffle House for a late dinner, and we had a good time.

Eaddie was gone all Saturday, so I took Summer to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. They were depressingly slow compared to Old South, and after eating our food, we figured out why. We went back to PetSmart to use another coupon for some food, and then briefly stepped into T.J. Maxx before making it back to the house. We cleaned up a bit and stayed busy most of the afternoon until we decided to go to New China for dinner. I wanted to stop to see my parents on the way back, and Summer nervously went along. Mom had a surprising amount to say, and Summer came home upset for a while, but we talked a little more before bed and then woke up with clearer thoughts.

Summer got some Spam and I made breakfast sandwiches for the three of us. Eaddie left and Summer went to the gym, and I cleaned up the kitchen. Later on, we walked to Walgreens with Muad’Dib to try and get Summer’s prescription, but they were closed. I eventually warmed up some spaghetti for dinner, and at some point the day before we had started watching Wonderman, so we continued that in the evening until bed.

Document the process and build a roadmap to success.

Uncategorised

hIlO

Yesterday was pretty sad all during the day. We dropped into Sonic for a super cheap meal, and then I decided to go to Harp’s just to check out what they had. The deli chicken actually looked pretty good, though they didn’t have a huge selection. It’d still be a decent option to switch things up, because there’s not really a good chicken place. I picked up some beer and cheap chicken leg quarters to share with Muad’Dib.

I was super down for the drive back, but Julie called to touch base just as we got into town. She really tried to stick up for me after Mom said I couldn’t go back to the old house. Then when we finally got back to the new house, Summer came out and told me about all of the shopping prep she did so we could have nice, hot meals when we get iced in this weekend.

Summer and I talked briefly and I started to feel a little better. My buddy Kevin also called to check in on me, and he was super positive as well. I wanted to stay home and talk to Summer a bit more, but Gary and I had been talking about meeting up, so I took Muad’Dib to get him and we went to Point Remove for some wings and beer. We had a pretty good time catching up, and then Summer texted me just as we were finishing up.

Things were up and down after that, but I crashed a bit early with a little bit of hopefulness that carried into this morning. Summer had to open the lube, but we talked briefly before she left. Muad’Dib and I got out of the house early enough that we stopped to get her some Burger King for breakfast on the way out of town. Then I made the last-second decision to get some Hardee’s for us as well, just before we hit the Interstate.

I was feeling pretty good about the day after that, and tried to stay relatively focused. We went to McDonald’s for lunch, then ran around in the parking lot for a bit when we got back to the office. The afternoon felt a little bit shorter because we ate late, and then Summer wanted to meet at Colton’s again for dinner.

I had time to change, but Muad’Dib and I still beat her to the restaurant, so I let him run around for a bit. After that, things kind of slowly went downhill again. I listened as she talked about work, but then we didn’t get to anything hearty and meaningful for our situation. All of my food was pretty awful, from a gristly New York strip, to a seemingly microwaved potato. Her salad even had an ice cube in it.

I took the long way back to the house, then brought in some firewood to let it stay warm and dry for the weekend. It was tough to get motivated again after that.

Up on Melancholy Hill sits a manatee, just looking for the day when you’re close to me.

Uncategorised

The Beginning of the End

I woke up surprisingly sober and full of positive energy after a painfully unrested night. I tried to rub some of that positivity off on Summer, but she hardly said a word to me until our kiss goodbye. We got to work and I felt pretty good all morning. I sat down with Teisha and talked to her for a long time about our history and what was going on. She was as supportive as possible, and then we went upstairs to as much productivity as we could muster.

Grant met me at Ortega’s for the all-you-can-eat lunch, and he was super hyped as always. I hate that we’re bonding over trauma, but he’s been an incredible pillar of support. We ate, and then I gave him a super quick walk-through of our office before he headed back to the restaurant.

The afternoon dragged on much more after Summer ignored my messages all day. I was spent by the end of it, and we walked out a few minutes early just to get to the house and try to keep the momentum up. It looked like Summer was still out looking for places to live, but they both showed up at the house right after we got there.

I got them to sit down with me in the living room to discuss the urgency of the whole situation. Summer is just over it, and is ready to explore solo life to find out who she is without anyone else there, and she wants no safety net. Eaddie repeated her concern that we’re just incompatible, and feels like we’d be better off apart. There’s still a lot of love, but too much negativity to continue moving forward, and they want a fresh start. They did agree to slow their hastiness so we could go over financials and find them a nice place to live so they don’t just settle out of a desire to leave.

I continued cleaning the kitchen, but it was a struggle after that. I’ve just never been big on waste. I did some laundry and cleaned the guest room so I could sleep there. It looks like I have nowhere to go, so the hunt begins.

Always at the whim.

Uncategorised

²

It was damp out today, and slightly drizzly, but not too gross. There was a truck off the side of the road going the other direciton just as we got to Morrilton, and we could see traffic backed up from there. Things were quiet for me, and I tried to replicate my focus from yesterday. I did fairly well, but everything I was doing led me back to square one. I just need to decide whether to spin up a new DC and go hybrid, or pay for more cloud services.

When lunch came around, we went to McDonald’s for a McRib. After waiting a while, they came out and said they weren’t selling it any more, and offered to make me something else. I forgot how pitiful the McCrispy was, and got that. It tasted fine, but was just a small, sad sandwich. I ended up redeeming points for some McNuggets before I left.

A little while later, I had an anxiety attack at work. I wish I had a better way to track this along with some vitals from my peripherals, and I’m surprised there isn’t an app for that. The rest of the afternoon went by kind of slowly, and I was alone upstairs for much of it.

The ride home was quiet and fast. My parents were making egg rolls again, so I ran over with Muad’Dib. Summer was already in the shower when we got to the house, so she met us over there when she was done. Julie and Kevin showed up, and I got a little spun up as we were starting to put food together. I felt like my heart was racing and I felt a little dazed, but I think Julie’s aggressive loudness just had my blood pressure up, so I just had to relax and let it pass.

We all actually sat together and ate together for once, which was nice. Muad’Dib did a wonderful job sitting in the laundry room, and we had a good run back to the house afterward. My heartrate was about the same as it was during my episode and I felt fine, so I’m sticking with blood pressure with a side of dehydration since I was a little bit shy on my water quota.

Eaddie and Eli were at the house watching Breaking Bad when we got there, so Summer went to bed while I wrapped up fairly early myself. I think the sleep helps, though the afternoon anxiety attack and evening daze had me a bit puzzled.

1

Uncategorised

Dogtown

Summer and I happened to end up in traffic around the same time, as there had been a wreck and vehicle fire right outside of Morrilton. She continued on to Little Rock and I got to work right around eight. Janice brought a tiny little goblin dog to work, so Muad’Dib had fun running around with her. We were up and down the stairs several times and stayed really busy all day.

PetSmart called early in the morning and wanted to move Muad’Dib’s appointment up an hour, citing that they were really busy leading up to Thanksgiving, and that they wanted to make sure he had plenty of time away from other people and dogs. It didn’t make much sense to me, since I figured an appointment time was just for him, but from the sound of it, they do several dogs at once in batches, and then kennel them between steps. It didn’t make much sense to me, but luckily I remembered that Summer would be passing back through. I had her pick him up and take him home, and then Eaddie delivered him to PetSmart at three.

I grabbed a quick lunch at McDonald’s and then continued David’s quest to learn how to import documents. I got a call about an hour and a half earlier than I expected, telling me that Muad’Dib was about finished, so I headed back home to get him. They said he did well, but I was actually disappointed in how much I paid for such a short service. We probably won’t be doing that again.

Summer said something about going to the store when she got off work, so I thought I’d go with her. When I got home, the kids had eaten two of the three steaks and left me one, and Summer none. I took Muad’Dib on a quick run, and he absolutely flew down the street. When we got back, I learned that at some point, Summer thought to eat the rest of the squash, which left me with a slab of meat and literally nothing else. The kids went with her to the store, so Muad’Dib and I went to Taco Villa.

They had my taco salad made quickly, and I didn’t notice when he followed me in the door, but we got back outside and ate at a picnic table in the cold. It was nice to decompress. Afterward, we went by the old house to look for a few things. Dad had emptied the cabinets, but I was lucky enough to find one of the things I was looking for.

When we got back to the house, Eaddie told me that they weren’t going to see Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox with us because she just learned that they wanted to record for the Tech band album they’re releasing. I tried to talk to her about commitments, but that fell on deaf ears, and nobody around here is willing to put family over anything else.

Well I guess if you want to be alone, be alone