Author: gallopingcow

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Eat Glass

I hardly slept a wink last night from tossing and turning. Any time I did manage to fall asleep for a few minutes, I’d wake up again from strange dreams. I somehow managed to get to Little Rock early enough that I decided to stop at McDonald’s for a McMuffin, and it was downhill from there. The guys socialized on the other side of the wall while I tried to catch up on emails, but when Jim finally got going at the high school, he reported that imaging was still broken, or possibly broken again after whatever Randy did last week.

I fought that all day, only taking a break to pick up some Buffalo Wild Wings to split with Maggie. That was a bit of a drive out, but it was one of the better deals and cheaper ways to eat for sure. I learned that you could have your fries tossed in whatever dry rub you like, but somewhere along the way I picked up a shard of glass that turned to grit when I bit into it. I was able to fish out a larger piece and spit out the rest, and after a phone call, I emailed a picture to the manager.

The end of the day arrived, again without resolution. I started to get a bit twitchy, but made it home to sit on the porch with Summer for a bit. Then I took Muad’Dib out for a run and came home to finish up the leftover pork chop from the other day, since the kids ate the two steaks we had from yesterday. Summer cleaned up, and then we sat on the couch and watched another stand-up special before bed.

Shudder to Think

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Back to Bassics – Mother’s Day

I woke up today and tried to choose joy, or at least keep myself hyped up enough to get the house in order for guests. Summer got up for some coffee and went to the gym, and I blasted some music throughout the house and got to cleaning. Eaddie eventually got up and left for church, and I had to prep the grill for some twice-smoked potatoes, asparagus, and New York strip steaks for the family.

Summer got home and I tried to accept a minimal amount of help from her, but she did lend a hand a few times. The grill was stubborn to get going again, but after a few starter cubes it finally picked up some heat. I smoked the potatoes for about an hour at 400º and then dropped them to about 225º while I took a shower. Then I smoked the steaks at 200º for about an hour before they got a little hotter than I intended. I pulled them off to rest and then cranked the heat up to 700º to cook the asparagus before throwing the steaks back on to sear.

Julie and Kevin showed up first, but Mom and Dad weren’t terribly late. I was in a rush to get everyone eating though, since I knew the steaks didn’t take on very much heat from the sear and would likely be a little cool to eat. Julie brought a salad and Dad brought a pumpkin cake. I thought my steak was pretty tough, but it wasn’t bad. It was by far the best I had cooked for them though. I failed to replicate the greatness of what I grilled for Noah and Michael a couple months ago.

After we ate, people started griping at me about still having things at the old house. I’ve been paralysed for a number of reasons that ultimately don’t matter, and I need to get it done. Then somehow we got onto the topic of money/rent/equity again, and for as hard as I’ve tried to just let it all go at a loss, they just kept wanting to dig in more like I’ve just always been in the wrong. Somehow, Julie said she had missed the singular point that I had ever made during every single argument we’ve ever had about it, and didn’t realize I was of the understanding that I was building equity. Mom kept asking to show her the paperwork where we officially agreed to anything at all. I ultimately had to just close my eyes and concentrate on breathing until it passed.

Once everyone left, I pushed Summer out of the kitchen because she was trying to clean up. Then I took Muad’Dib out for a long run and brushed him out a bunch at the basin before we circled around and made it home. He must have been tired from all the scraps, because he didn’t want to run much. Once we got home, I finished doing the dishes and then cleaned up everything outside before winding down for bed.

I’m sure it’s nothing but some heartburn, baby.

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Run Like Yell

We got up early for Summer’s run in Dardanelle this morning. We wanted to take Muad’Dib, but Summer wasn’t very proactive when we were trying to load things up to go, so I ended up forgetting my OneWheel. We got downtown and I started to just hang out with her, but I decided I’d try to run home and get it quickly so I could be back in time to watch the race. Unfortunately I got back over the bridge just in time to be stuck in traffic as they closed the road. I had no idea they would be running the race in that direction.

Once I got back downtown, I took Muad’Dib from Brian and a bunch of kids who had been babysitting him. Evidently Summer told them his name was Paul, because when I called him back to me, Brian said something along the lines of, “ah, now ‘Paul’ makes sense.” We raced after the runners and I felt really bad for being so late. We did encounter Summer after she was already on her way back from the turnaround, but we kept going. Most everyone seemed excited to see us, but I think I did get some glares, and one lady made the comment that I shouldn’t be doing that during a race.

On the way back, the same lady made another comment, and then immediately after that, Muad’Dib went rogue and brushed up against the back of another lady’s legs, who freaked out while she was running at full speed. I ended up moving to the next block to get back downtown, since I didn’t want any more grief or to cause any more trouble. I guess next time we’ll just bum around in other areas.

Summer finished the race before we made it back, and then I took Muad’Dib down to the river to try and clean up from the mud puddle he used to cool down. Summer made third in her age division, so she got another little pin, and then we headed home.

We had plans to go out for breakfast, but Summer didn’t feel well and had to soak in the tub for a while. Once she made it out, we ended up going to New China for lunch instead. Then we came home and started to doze off on the couch for a while. I woke up gasping for air multiple times, but didn’t make myself get up until much later, which hurt a bit.

Summer wanted to go to the Tech graduation for some of her employees, so I ran Muad’Dib over to my parents’ house to see if Mom wanted me to grill steaks for Mother’s Day. Then Summer and I went to graduation while Eaddie and Eli went out for cap and gown pictures with Dad. Summer got lots of pictures, and then we found the graduates outside once they were done.

The drive home was a little tense because for some reason Summer didn’t expect that I’d still be having a pretty hard time in general. She pouted, but I pushed through a trip to the Neighborhood Market anyway, to get everything we needed for grilling. The kids were watching TV when we got home, so we went to the bedroom and watched Neal Brennan: Crazy Good, a stand-up special until she crashed from her long day.

Normally I prefer my cookies to be a little less ambiguous.

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Pieman, Pieman

I got out a bit late this morning, but it didn’t matter. I spent the whole day poking around with my task sequences. I also started my escitalopram, I suggested a place called “It’s Time to Eat” for lunch, but was basically shot down. I thought I might skip, but then Randy wandered back toward my area and asked if I wanted to go to Taco Bell. Maggie overheard and wanted to go, so we all loaded up. As Randy was pulling out of the parking lot, he proposed Shotgun Dan’s. Nobody objected, so we met Kyle there.

The salad and pizza were both good. I’m always astounded at how much they mound the toppings on their pizza. Their lunch special for a seven-inch pizza and a small salad is easily one of the best deals you can get in Little Rock for lunch.

The afternoon was relatively quiet and short. I stopped at the liquor store in Morrilton, and then again in Blackwell because they didn’t have any larger bottles of pure grain alcohol, which is the cheapest way to wherever you’re going. I got home with a stomach ache that took some time to resolve, and then Summer got home from work and hung out while I took Muad’Dib out for a run.

We headed toward Casey’s for a free slush and ran into Mom at a stop sign on Phoenix. Then we stopped at Ridgewood Brothers where we ran into Grant while he was taking a smoke break out back. He ran in to get some meat for Muad’Dib, which he promptly gobbled down. Then we got to Casey’s and I got my slush. I set it down on top of the propane tank cage while I unhooked Muad’Dib, and forgot to pick it back up when we left, so we had to circle around to retrieve it.

We came back a slightly different way, but encountered the same group of people taking photos at the tiny tennis court by the bike trail. Muad’Dib took a bath in the basin creek, and then we stopped to visit with Dad for a while before we made it home.

Summer was on the couch, so I laid with her for a bit as she cried a bit about how nervous she was for her biopsy. I hate that I made any of this time any more stressful, but I guess the alternative could have been even more messy. We talked for a bit before Eaddie got home, and Summer went to bed while I went out back to chat with Eaddie and Muad’Dib for a while. Summer had another race in the morning, so I made myself a Dark and Stormy and got to bed as quickly as I could.

happy anniversary

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Irreason

My days are creeping back and I’m arriving at work just a little bit earlier every day. I did fairly well in the morning, and finally started tinkering with TFTP block and window sizes to troubleshoot my slow boot image issue at the office. Wouldn’t you know, I fixed it on my first try. I was able to test multiple iterations of my task sequence the rest of the day.

Maggie and I rode with Randy to Gadwall’s for lunch, and I had some fairly disappointing nachos. I did like the cheese dip though. I think Maggie said it was Mexico Chiquito, but then she also said that was another restaurant, but I thought it tasted a bit like Stoby’s.

I slowly lost myself in the afternoon. I got home and ran Muad’Dib to Walgreens to pick up my escitalopram while Summer finished making a pork chop dinner. He did great on the run, and after dropping my meds off at home, we ran an abridged version of our normal route to see Dad. Eaddie was home and we ate when we got back to the house. Then we all had to go to the high school arena for the band awards.

The awards took a while, because they read off every single activity in which each senior participated. Eli had a super long list. Eaddie’s was long, but not long enough to beat his. She did get one of the three big awards at the end though, which was exciting for her. Eaddie stayed out, so Summer and I went to wash my car and then headed home to go to bed.

happy birthday

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The Patriarchy

I got to work pretty early this morning after a reasonably focused and optimistic drive in, but I could feel myself slipping pretty early. I slunk down in the back and accomplished one task by accident, and there was hardly a soul around to pat me on the back for it. I plowed right through into the afternoon, but decided to get up to take a break for a Big Mac not long before quitting time. I ended up staying a little bit late anyway just to kill some time before I could meet up with Mitch, who was in town for work.

I made it over to his hotel and found a free charger at the Tropical Smoothie where I waited for him to get off work. Then we drove across town toward Southern Tail Brewing, stopping first at Stone’s Throw Brewing for a quick flight and to see if one of Mitch’s old friends was working. We finished there and got to the restaurant where service was friendly, but a bit slow. Blake showed up out of nowhere, walking straight onto the patio from the street, and the three of us had a great time trauma dumping and catching up.

I felt a little bad to monopolize the time Mitch had in the state, but Blake and I never knew each other very well back in school, so we really are kind of connecting for the first time. We had some great laughs, and some interesting, yet delicious salmon fish and chips.

Mitch went with Blake after that since I had to head home for bed. It was great catching up, and I’ll have to make more of an effort to keep up with Blake in the near future since he lives so close to my office. I got home and got to witness my matrix headlights doing their partial dimming, which was cool, but a little anticlimactic. The girls had cleaned up house a bit and were ready for bed, so I wasted no time to get there myself.

Three Male Incomes

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Are You Sidereus?!

I slept in a little bit today after a fairly long, rough day yesterday. Time had lost most of its meaning anyway. Summer was having coffee in the living room, and I think Eaddie went to school at least for a little while. Shawna actually responded back to my checking in on her lack of checking in. I said my peace, which went predictably about the same that it did fourteen years ago. At least it provided a bit of closure so I could keep my eyes forward.

Summer went to work for a while, and I took a shower and then put on some music while I assembled a metal locker I got from Vine for our dog accessories. Later in the afternoon, Summer met me at the Genesis Blood and Cancer Institute when she finished her workout. I had to pay a bunch more money (big surprise!) for reasons that could not be explained (when are we expecting America be great again?), and then we sat in the waiting room for nearly an hour before going back for vitals and then a chat with an eerily chipper Dr. Chen.

He entered the room with a cheery, “Hey buddy!” that had me dreading the worst news. It must be incredibly deflating to deal with a terminal as a profession, but he had good news. I now had too much iron. He dropped my supplements, and then suggested an SSRI for my anxiety attacks. I was leery of too much tinkering, but I’m no science-denier. We’ll try it his way.

We headed home, but it was too rainy to run Muad’Dib. Summer took a bath, and then we went out to Check H for dinner. We watched a Ricky Gervais Netflix special when we got home, then started for bed. Eaddie called late because she had lost the keys to the Murano and was stuck at the high school. I actually had a bit of dialog with Shawna to wrap up the night, and wrap up whatever the fuck happened there.

Hopefully we all learned a little about each other, and a lot about ourselves.

🚩 Took me 20 minutes lol 🚩

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I Bleed Blood

I got up early for my appointment this morning, and Summer went with me just to get my blood drawn. The nurse couldn’t find the vein in my right arm, so she switched to my let and ended up taking it from my forearm instead of the inside of my joint. She got her fill, and we were done without another word. Summer went on to work, and I went home to a big, spicy glass of orange juice after feeling feelings all week long.

Eaddie and I watched some Daredevil clips until she got up to go to school, but she didn’t stay gone long. I don’t know if they actually kicked her out, or if she just decided it wasn’t worth her time, but she came home and surprised the heck out of me. Much later in the afternoon I picked up Summer from the carwash to go to Mulan’s for a late lunch.

I made it back home and crashed on the couch. The kids were around somewhere, possibly after having gone and come back. I wasn’t clear. Eaddie did have an awards ceremony to attend, so I got up and took Muad’Dib for a quick run before Summer got home.

We only stopped to see Dad briefly, then I saw Mark and his family out walking as we made it home. Summer was outside waiting on us, so I put Muad’Dib out back and quickly changed. We got to the Center for the Arts just in the to find a program and get seated, and they kept the house lights up the whole time for some reason. It was just a big to-do about awarding scholarships to the kids, which we’d never had to attend before. They packed it all in to just over two hours, and then we headed home.

Summer and I sat out on the porch for a bit to talk, but it a bit too heated to be particularly productive. We just feel stuck, and I don’t know where to focus our energy. I put her to bed and stayed up way longer than I wanted. I discovered one of her wine spigots had been dripping onto the rice dispenser, and leaked into the lid and down into the rice, so I had to throw out a handful of that. Eaddie came home after catching up with Maristella and talked to me briefly before going to bed. Tomorrow we’ll get to see how fast I’m dying, or maybe at least why they don’t think I have enough blood.

You can bet that I’d let you walk all over me.

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Costly Affirmations

Today was mostly fighting parasitic thoughts after a fairly rough night. An attempt was made, to be sure, but it was all rumination on betrayal and disillusionment. Summer’s been unreasonably supportive throughout the entire thing, but that’s not without problems as well. We did manage to have a pretty good breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and sausage, but I could hardly keep myself from staring into space.

Eaddie got around and left for church and Summer went to the gym while I tried to draw focus. I cleaned up a little bit, broke down some boxes, and took out some recycling. At some point I did manage to get a shower, and later installed a light strip in the trunk of my car.

Summer got home from the gym and did some deep cleaning of her own, but things got really tense when I called out her poor substitutions, like cleaning with apple cider vinegar when she couldn’t find any white, and leaving furniture polish streaks on glass. I never try to make her feel bad, but she just doesn’t seem to get things, and I feel like I’m drowning.

The kids went out for a band picnic, so Summer thought we’d have some old frozen salmon fillets for dinner. I took over for her and thought I’d steam it and some veggies over some rice. I couldn’t find my steamer basket though, so I ran to the old house and ended up grabbing a different rice cooker that had its basket. While I was on the way over, I got a voice message from Mitch that he was in Little Rock for work. I called and talked to him for a bit, but ultimately decided against driving out for just an hour or so before he had to go to bed.

I started the rice and salmon, then ran to the Neighborhood Market for some quick frozen veggies to steam, then took Muad’Dib for a run. We went backwards to avoid an old lady walking a tiny dog, which was fine. We visited my parents, then went through the basin and back home. It was a bit chilly and quiet out, which might have been more peaceful if I hadn’t already felt incredibly uncomfortable.

We got home and Summer came out to eat. Dinner wasn’t great, but it was edible. At least the fish cooked all the way through. I laid down in bed with Summer for a while just to try and relax, and I started to pass out while she was scratching my back. I got up to wrap up the evening, and then Eaddie came home and wanted to chat with us for a bit before we all went to bed.

Sold Here

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Toad Eye Four

We got up early and Eli came over so we could head to Conway for Summer’s Toad Suck Daze 10k. We got to the high school and dropped Summer off, and once the race was started, I took the kids to Sonic for a snack. We ate at the picnic table outside, then got back to the race just in time to find a place to watch Summer coming in for the finish line. We waited around for awards, but left once she found out she wasn’t getting anything.

I thought Randy was going to meet us, but we missed him. We went downtown early, before the festival was officially open, and wandered around the block for a bit. We finally landed at the Toad Dome where Summer wanted to watch baby races. The kids went to get a funnel cake, and then we all made it into the tiny bleachers to watch the toad races. They called for first-timers, and Eli got pulled up to race in the first round. He ended up getting a tiny toad though, and came in next-to-last place.

After that, we wandered down the block again and ended up having lunch at R&M Southern Eatery. They had a Cajun menu that pleased everyone. Eaddie got a huge pasta that she shared since she wasn’t actually that hungry. My gumbo was heavy on the rice and light on the gumbo, but tasted great. Eli had a pretty small looking chicken sandwich, but he said it filled him up. Summer was going to get chicken and waffles, but I talked her into chicken and beignes instead, which she loved.

After we ate, we headed across town and let the girls shop for a dress at Cato while Eli and I went to Dollar Tree for some snacks. That got us to the theater just in time for Thunderbolts*. I thought the movie was pretty good, but I wished they had spent some time explaining how they made Bob.

We left the movie and went across town so Eaddie could do some dress shopping for graduation. I got a pair of shoes to use an expiring reward, and Eaddie finally found some dresses at Old Navy. We headed home after that, and then I took Muad’Dib out for a run as the sun started to set. It was nice and cool out, so he was practically flying. We visited my parents for a little while, and made it home where I sat with Summer in front of the TV just briefly before she went to bed.

I want to be the one everyone can rely on if they make a mistake.