Tag: anger management

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Waiting for Nothing

Though I wanted to sleep in today, I knew that doing so would keep me up way too late tonight. I got around and made a chicken wrap with the leftovers that were successfully kept fresh by the cold weather outside. After a little while, I headed home to decompress and clean up before the refrigerator showed up.

Sandy got a hold of Summer and wanted me to hook up a computer for her, so once Summer showed up after her workout, we headed out of town to meet her. She chatted with Summer for a bit while I poked around under her enormous desk and got her computer replaced. Then we went back to my house to wait for our delivery.

Getting impatient, I called the Lowe’s customer service number as well as the local store number. After about four tries, I got through to someone in a call center that said the order was delayed by a week. This was particularly upsetting because we’d basically built our spring break vacation around this expected delivery schedule.

With the day basically completely wasted, Summer and I decided to go to La Huerta for dinner without the kids. When we got back to the house, she checked the coolant level in the Murano and found it to be low. I had a little bit of fluid at home, but we ended up going to Superfast to fill up with some more. We don’t know how low it really was, but we’ll have to check it again tomorrow before we leave.

Summer continued home while I went back to my house to pack. I caught up on some email and hung out for a while before loading up and heading to their house for the evening. Everyone was in their own rooms, so I wrapped things up and went to sleep as soon as possible.

No plan like dog’s plan.

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Crystal Clear

I was in and out of bed all night, but managed to get up in time for some breakfast with Summer before the girls got up. Then she went down with Autumn while I started getting ready for the day. Eaddie was the last one out of bed, and then we loaded everything up to head home.

Autumn wanted to stop at a crystal shop on the way home, so we went to Miller’s Rock Shop. They had a couple anoles in a sunlit window, and evidently they just hang out loose there, and they put food and water out for them. Autumn picked up a slice of rock, and then we continued to Iron Springs.

The girls were less enthusiastic about the thought of hiking, but Summer coaxed them across the wooden bridge and just off the path to dig in the dirt a little bit. Summer found a decent sized crystal, and then we continued home. She took the girls home as soon as we got to my house, and I got unpacked.

My parents were at Burger King before their trip to Eureka Springs, so I ran around the block to see them. Then I loaded up some leftover chicken strips and went to Walmart for salad to take to the girls.

The chicken lost a lot of its water to ice crystals, which caused some trouble as I tried to split it up into smaller bags and then fry. I ended up having to take the deep fryer outside, and also melt the ice in the toaster oven before frying the chicken. I eventually had a decent system, but it was a huge pain in the ass, and in the end none of the girls were really hungry. I made Summer and myself salads, but was frustrated that they watched me spend a lot of time making a lot of food for everyone, knowing that they didn’t have a refrigerator to keep any leftovers.

After Summer and I ate, they wanted to play a game of Uno Flip. Eaddie gave up after Summer won first place, and then Summer won again finishing Eaddie’s hand before Autumn gave up. Then the girls went to their rooms for the night, but stayed up either tinkering or moving and cleaning up their rooms. Summer went to sleep really quickly, and I was tired enough that I didn’t stay up much longer.

I can’t like anything out loud any more.

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Find Time to Chill

Thomas came into my office this morning to say that he, Kelsea, and Gary would be in Plumerville for some Cognos training, and to be on alert in case the new superintendent needed any technology help. I didn’t really expect to hear from anyone, so it wasn’t a big deal. Greg mentioned needing to run some cable at the central office, but wanted Zach to find someone else for that.

It was pretty quiet with everyone out, so I mostly stuck around the office to babysit Tammy. I did have one pretty animated guy come in for an account creation, but otherwise it was business as usual. Zach and Josh showed up for lunch, and we went to Zaxby’s where I saw Aaron’s dad for the first time in a little while.

Shortly after we got back from lunch, Thomas messaged us to run upstairs and help with an unspecified technology issue. When I got there, the air seemed tense and they really didn’t seem like they wanted me there. They said she was busy, and wanted to know if I could be reached later. I didn’t really see the point in them calling us for help and then turning the help away, but maybe she figured out how to set her MacBook’s sleep settings on her own.

A little while later, we got a truckload of Newline touch panels in. We went with the next size up, so these were pretty unnecessarily heavy. I’ll say it again – I’m all for removing technology from schools. Educators primarily use it to babysit, and rely too much on it for classroom management. It just gets in the way of teaching.

I ran to Oakland at the end of the day to collect some backup battery inventory information, and then just happened to realize that Eaddie needed a ride home since Autumn went straight to work after school again. We went to my house and started the second season of Stranger Things. It seemed to jump right into things, but I couldn’t really tell where things were going to go from there.

Summer came over as soon as she got back from Cabot, and we went to La Huerta for dinner. Then I headed back home to decide on a refrigerator. I narrowed it down to a side-by-side with water and ice in the door. I wasn’t thrilled with the ice capacity, but that seems to be how it is on most of those things these days. Now comes the time to manipulate discount methods.

Keep hustlin’, not bustlin’.

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Mid-to-Late

I woke up at a pretty normal time this morning, having slept on my left hand in some way that my middle finger was completely numb. It took a few hours for it to feel normal again, which was worrisome. I assumed I was just falling apart. I got a few well wishes from friends throughout the day, but my favorite was catching up with my old friend Tasha. We always wish each other happy birthdays, but this year we actually carried on a full conversation, and it was really nice to be able to just catch up after so long, even if that was mostly just fussing about parenting problems.

Bác Vân called to tell me happy birthday, and to offer some eggrolls she was warming up. I went next door, and she had me look at her sewing machine to see if I could find a replacement gear for the one that had crumbled with age. Then as soon as I got back home, Eaddie called and wanted to know if I was picking her and Maristella up from their all-region band event. I rushed through a shower and brushed off a couple more fussy phone calls rushing me along to get there. Then I took them through Wendy’s for some lunch before taking them to Summer’s to eat and change clothes.

I sat in the quiet dark until they were ready for me to take them back. As we made our way back to the Center, Eaddie asked me to record the entire concert. It would have been really nice to know ahead of time so I could find a tripod or something. I dropped them off and went home to change and try in vein to find another solution. Then I met up with Summer for the concert after she left her quiz bowl tournament.

The concert was okay until they went to play Africa by Toto, and the conductor basically stood up there with her hands by her sides just sort of wiggling around like she was dancing. I hoped that Eaddie would get a flute solo for the part I had encouraged her to play years ago, but instead the song was slow and relatively awful. She could have done the entire song better by herself.

Summer took the girls back to their respective homes and then came over so we could go to Lowe’s. I didn’t recognize who he was at first, but Kelsea’s husband, Manuel was there and tried to help us find a fridge. I was already cranky after a pretty annoying day, and then I felt like I basically lost Summer to a sales guy, so I got hyper annoyed and kept wandering off to look at things I had already researched online. At the end of it all I felt really shitty and apologized, and we just left so I could continue shopping online.

We went by Superfast so Summer could retrieve the gift she had gotten me, and then went back to my house for a little bit. I had a moment, or several, and then she went on home to the girls. I wrapped up and eventually followed after her for the night.

Eaddie was up watching TV with her when I got there, and just kept wanting to eat my food. I was still having a rough go and just went to the bedroom to listen to music and play on my phone. Then Eaddie wanted to watch Stranger Things with me, but I was just too tired. Summer came to bed and put on a documentary about mushrooms. Mom and Dad called to wish me happy birthday, and eventually we all went to sleep.

Does 39 feel cranky?

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About 180

I got up early today so I could pick Gary up for work. Zach and Thomas went on a trip with Jeff and possibly others to “experience” Avigilon at a couple of other schools, so they were gone pretty much all day. I don’t think anyone was super motivated to work, but I kept occupied. Gary came and spent some time with me, and then Justin came downstairs to talk about maintenance pay. It didn’t seem to take very long to get close to lunch time.

Gary had an appointment to check on his arm, so I took him to that around 11. We thought he was early and wouldn’t actually get to his appointment time until 11:30, but he ended up finishing relatively quickly. I had driven across town to pick up Summer, and we had just gotten some cheese dip at Stoby’s when he called and said he was done. Summer ordered some food for him, and I brought him back to the restaurant for lunch.

The afternoon dragged on a bit. Gary took a half day, so I took him home after dropping Summer off at work. I spent a little time gossiping with the girls up front until Josh came downstairs with a question from one of his teachers in the virtual academy. I took him back to my office for a little research, but couldn’t come up with a real answer from Google’s documentation. Zach and Thomas eventually showed up, and Zach spent a while on my couch before making his way to his office.

Eventually quitting time arrived, and I headed home to try and move my computer around. That went relatively poorly, on account of the questionable reliability of the computer I brought home, the home theater amplifier that wouldn’t receive audio from the computer’s HDMI output, and the awkward size of my monitor and speakers on such a small desk. I thought it was going to be great, but it’s actually pretty awful so far. Now my room is a mess, and I can’t even make it through a blog post without my computer freezing up on me.

But at least it’s quiet…?

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Stand Up

I got in to work this morning and continued work on what I had to say for the CPPC meeting. Justin happened to call me with some thoughts just as Gary came back to review it with me, so he came down and they both listened to what I had to say before the meeting at 9:30.

It was drizzly out, so I drove around the building to our central office. I got there without much time to spare, so once the meeting started I actually took a little bit to get myself situated to make my speech. I got all kinds of looks, but I was too concentrated on breathing through my mask to notice much. I said what I had to say, and I got roughly the response I thought I would. It’s our meeting, and we’re welcome to come up with whatever policy changes we would like. Janie was back after being out for the last meeting, and her response was actually less incendiary than any of us expected. I think overall it went well, because everyone was pretty involved in the discussion of every policy moving forward for the rest of the meeting – at least until people started to disappear, one by one.

I made it back to the shop about half an hour before lunch, which gave me just enough time to get settled before Gary came around and said we were going to McAlister’s. I drove him, Josh, and Thomas there to meet Greg, and of course my online order that I submitted while we were still halfway through the line came out after they had gotten theirs at the table and already started eating. Mine was deliciously customized though, with every free vegetable they offered.

After lunch, I spent most of the afternoon working on the CPPC minutes. I decided to leave out my 30 minute diatribe about Chrissy, and instead stuck to the policies we changed. I’ve felt better, but it didn’t feel bad to stand up for something I believe in either. Near the end of the day we got an email announcing the closure of school for the students tomorrow. Thomas’s policy is that we would work unless Central Office closed, which was a break from what we were used to with Ben. I’d much rather just have the day off like everyone else, obviously.

Just as I got home from work, Julie called to talk about our Disney trip. She felt that I was making a grave mistake by threatening Autumn over her grades. She didn’t think it was right to position our family vacation either as a punishment or reward. I tried to stop and let her know that it was a non-issue, but she stood on principle. It was clear there was nothing I could say to satisfy her. She started the conversation with clear intent. Frankly, I had run out of polite ways to tell her that it was none of her fucking business how we choose to parent. She ended the call by saying that Disney was cancelled, and hanging up on me.

I’ve only ever had one other person that was able to stress me out so instantaneously, and I swore myself out of that situation. Julie is evidently incapable of accepting that there are things that she cannot change, and she refuses not to fight over it at every chance possible. I’m absolutely through with it. I’m mustering every bit of will that I have to make good decisions for myself and for my family, and I will not have anyone bring me down from that. She can blame me or our family for all of her issues, and I do not care. In the end it is personal responsibility that you can rely on. I hope she makes a better life, but I won’t have her making mine worse.

I walked a brisk 1.6 miles on the treadmill with a glass of apple pie moonshine and a cream ale to calm the nerves, and ended the evening with a couple tacos and some fries because I’m no stranger to bad decisions either. Eyes forward.

Quit wasting my time.

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Bloody Sunday

I tried to sleep in just a little bit today, then woke up to Summer’s pancake breakfast. We broke out the bottle of Fruity Pebbles Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup, and the flavor was spot-on. We pretty much coasted the rest of the day though. Summer eventually went to the gym while I took a really long bath. The girls stayed in their rooms all day. Summer came back home and made some yeast rolls. I played some Don’t Starve in the evening. Summer somehow motivated Autumn to play a round on Ring Fit Adventure.

What a waste.

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Run For Your Life

I slept the best that I’ve slept for at least a month last night, and woke up mere seconds before my alarm went off, ready to face the day. I had plenty of time to get to work a couple minutes early and prepared myself a perfect cup of coffee for our meeting. Brody was told to come on down to the shop in spite of his masked status, so I just tried to keep my distance, and wore my mask any time we had to cross paths. Fortunately I was still able to help him over the phone after he left, because that’s what I did most of the day.

A group of us went to Quiznos for lunch, and I think they gave me a sandwich that was larger than they should have for my sandwich and soup combo. The chicken tortilla soup was awesome, but I dropped the last half of it in the floor on accident because we were trying to eat around a table that was simply too small for five of us.

I finally finished up my CPPC meeting minutes draft after staying half an hour late, and then headed home to get another package that had been intercepted by either Bác Vân or Doug. It’s really more annoying than anything, but I guess I’ll appreciate it more if I ever have something irreplaceable stolen.

I don’t think Autumn went to school, and instead was supposed to get a COVID test done because she said she hadn’t been feeling well the last couple of days. Summer got home late, but said Autumn was “ok,” which I thought meant she had a negative test. When I got to their house, I had gotten no more than two spoonfuls of soup into my mouth when Autumn said something about still being sick but not knowing what it was.

After wrestling with her in the bedroom, I knew I had to drop everything to wash up. Autumn is by far the least hygienic of any of the kids, so even when she’s not sick, touching her usually warrants a handwash. She’s embarrassingly disgusting almost all of the time, but this time I was literally afraid for my life. I still remember COVID. Nobody around me seems to be taking it at all seriously, and I just assume I’ll be the one to pay for it.

I ran out the door for home, shaking and crying out of some emotion or another. I had the worst fever of my entire life when I got COVID last year. The pneumonia had me down for weeks afterward, and I still have panic attacks that appear to just be a normal part of my life now. It’s uncontrollable and terrifying, but I deal with it well because of how self aware I am. Maybe that gives off a vibe that I’m not worried about it, but I’m actually always scared.

I shook it off the best I could when I got home. When I finally got settled in, I put on Don’t Look Up to get my mind off of things. As soon as the movie was over, it was straight to the bottle, though.

Maybe this isn’t working.

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Outernet

I was sleeping really deeply this morning, or perhaps really lightly. In either case, I barely crawled out of bed after seriously contemplating calling in sick. I squeaked into work and had just enough time to get settled and review some of the CPPC meeting notes before I had to walk across the street.

Judy brought donuts, and it was a pretty productive meeting. We voted on some new policies and a modification to the new salary schedule to be implemented this summer. As we wrapped up, I took a couple donuts back to the office for later. It was about lunch time, so after a little bit of poking around, Zach, Gary, and I went to Sam’s.

I tried the Sam’s Special with fried shrimp, which was pretty unimpressive. It wasn’t bad, but it just wasn’t nearly as good as anything else I’ve ever had there. Gary’s gyro looked pretty good though. Zach gave me a couple chicken strips to supplement my baby shrimp, so I was happy.

After lunch, Kyle and I went to run cable at Crawford and Oakland, while Greg and Zach drilled holes on the outside of the building to mount a couple wireless access points. That took us the rest of the day, and I was pretty tired afterward. Eaddie was at Oakland, so I took her with me to drop Kyle off, and then we went to my house to change.

When we got to their house, I started to assemble a ham bone soup in the Instant Pot. Summer picked up celery and onion for me, but I had the rest of what I needed here. I mixed a half cup of every kind of bean I could find here, and the soup turned out pretty good. I wish I could have left it to depressurize naturally, because I think the beans would have been fully cooked then, but it wasn’t bad.

Autumn went to some church event, and then came home complaining about not feeling well. She told Summer she wants to get tested, which infuriates me. I almost hope I die from COVID so she’ll feel some kind of remorse for going out and socializing like an idiot.

I don’t really want to die from it, though…

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Need a Little Christmas

Summer jumped out of bed early this morning and ruined the secret of Santa Claus for me. I couldn’t sleep in much and was a little hungry after having a complicated relationship with food last night, so I got up. Summer made us some scrambled eggs, and we eventually got both kids up enough to dump out their stockings. Eaddie was in an immediate mood, throwing an absolute tantrum at everything. I was very near slapping it out of her, and both girls just kept picking at one another.

We got Eaddie up and around to some chores, and eventually got everyone through the shower so we could make our way to my parents’ house. Summer made all of our contribution to lunch, and we were off.

Bác Vân and Doug beat us there. I think Julie made most of the food and was about two hours late. Eaddie took a nap in my bedroom until the food was ready, and came out in much better form. We ate, did our quickest round of presents ever, and then left so I could clean up house a bit for some friends.

I had messaged Diana happy birthday earlier in the day, and she said they were in town along with Josue and wanted to get together. They agreed on a fire at my place and we all met up for a nice quiet evening outside. It was really nice seeing them all again, and the kids enjoyed some roasted marshmallows.

Josue stuck around for a little while and chatted with me after the others left. The girls all went to sleep, and eventually we packed everything up and he headed out. By then, I was ready for bed too.

Hasn’t snowed a single flurry, but Santa dear we’re in a hurry!