Tag: anxiety

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Leftover Day

I had an anxiety attack in the shower this morning, followed by a dull headache. I couldn’t tell if the headache was from the attack or just the lack of sleep, but it eventually went away. We got to work with some leftover chicken pasta and the expectation of a long day inside without much of a break.

I finally got a reasonably good combination of configuration profiles for my plant computers, but there’s still a little more tinkering I want to do. We ate in the office and then had a quiet afternoon until quitting time.

Summer had been working from home all day, but was upset that she was kicked out of another meeting due to some restructuring. Evidently they forgot to tell her, so she showed up without the agenda and then left.

We found some more leftovers for dinner, I started draining the basement again, and then I took Muad’Dib on a slow run. It felt really nice outside, so it was disappointing that he didn’t pick up the pace. We made it to my parents’ house and helped Dad get the robot out of the pool. Eli had come by earlier in the day to help drop it in, and it got most of the leaves out until they get the filter repaired and it stops spitting sand out.

We made it back to the house where the sump had actually finished, then cleaned up a bit before an early bedtime.

“on time”

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Goats of Music Past

Summer left the house super early this morning to run up Mt. Magazine. She decided to start extra early so she could join some other ladies, and let me stay home to sleep. I didn’t really sleep in much though, and got around to shower pretty early so we could have the day together. Eaddie left fairly early as well, to prepare for the celebration of life concert for Cooper and Shepherd. I had an anxiety attack after my shower, but fortunately it was super quick without any haze afterward.

When Summer made it home, she cleaned up and we went to La Huerta for lunch. Muad’Dib got to hang out on the porch with us, and it was just on the hot end of comfortable. The humidity had me sweating, so I wasn’t super thrilled to learn that we would be rushing to get to the concert. We ended up leaving Muad’Dib at the house, and barely made it to our seats as they played their tuning note.

It was a very long event, with four speakers sharing stories between multiple guest conductors. I didn’t realize that it was a community concert either, or I would have suggested we sit it out. Summer enjoyed it though, and then we waved Chance down as we were leaving, just to say, “hello.”

Muad’Dib was in bed when we got back, but he was excited to see us. Summer spent the rest of the day in bed while I cleaned up a bit around the house. It felt a bit late, so I took Muad’Dib out for a run. It was still bright and hot, and then my parents weren’t home, so we came back home for the evening.

I continued to clean and tinker, and then Dad asked me to come help unload some groceries pretty late, so I took Muad’Dib out for a quick run straight to their house where they had already unloaded. We came back, I tinkered some more, and then went to bed.

And I didn’t even get to meet Corey!

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Ortega Bros.

It was a little rainy, but really misty this morning, so I had to use my meats to drive to work. The weather wasn’t bad once we got there, but it showered again at least once while we were there. I had my head buried in Intune for most of the day, and was stuck waiting on my test computer for much of that.

Lunch time came around, and Grant had planned to meet me for some Ortega’s, so I walked out with Muad’Dib and waited for him. We rode to the restaurant together and had a good meal and chat. I think we’ll plan on some double date stuff soonish, and I’m hoping Summer can make a good friend of her own out of it since I don’t really know Jana at all.

I had an anxiety attack in the afternoon that left me slightly dazed, and then incredibly sleepy for the rest of the afternoon. It may have just been yesterday dragging me down, but I tried another cup of coffee and didn’t feel super smurfy for it. It felt like maybe it was stress, but I didn’t think I felt like I had any reason to be stressed.

We made it to the end of the day and ran to therapy. Summer finished up at the lube and then we had a decent session. I don’t really think the book is helping as much as if we were just talking through some of the specific pain points we have, but at least it gives us a guided tour, regardless of whether the topics are relevant ot us.

Mom had more bún bò Huế for dinner, so we headed home to change. Summer took a shower while I ran Muad’Dib, and then she and Eaddie met us there for dinner. I tried to help clean up a little, and then we made it home to try and wind down early. I showed Eaddie how to clean the hair out of the vacuum brush, Eli came over late, and they went to watch a movie since Eaddie had been cleaning up her stuff all day.

Water!

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Wringing the Air

I slept in while Summer went to her run, and we had a much better day after that. We got up to eat some leftovers, and then I tried to be productive with some of the stuff all over the house. Summer has been excited about the new Masters of the Universe movie, but I learned that she was completely unaware of the old 1987 movie starring Dolf Lundgren. I found it for free on YouTube, so we watched that in the afternoon. Afterward, Summer wanted to take a nap. Eaddie was around for most of the day, but left later on.

I had set up a tiny dehumidifier last night, but it hardly pulled any water out of the air. Today, I uncovered a larger one I had ordered a while back, so I set it up and found it to work much better. Even with all the rain we’ve had lately, the little one barely had a quarter tank of water after 24 hours.

I took a shower late in the day, and then Dad asked for help unloading some things they had picked up at the store. I took Muad’Dib out for his run, but then saw that my parents were already home, so we circled back and got there as quickly as we could.

By the time we got back to the house, I had worked up my appetite. There wasn’t really anything left in the refrigerator, so I used my 50% discount at Domino’s and took the Onewheel out again so Muad’Dib could get some more steps in. Summer and I ate, and then lounged in front of the TV for the rest of the night. Out of nowhere, I had my first anxiety attack, I believe since I started taking my iron supplements again. It was a really short event, but still left me a little dazed. Eaddie showed up with Eli, and they watched a movie while we went to bed.

Good journey. 👋

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Mortality is Weird

I felt like I hardly slept at all last night. I just laid in bed feeling like I was awake all night, but my watch and phone insisted that I got a good night’s rest. I didn’t feel groggy when I got up, and we made it to work a little early. I brought along a Soylent for breakfast and my leftover Subway sandwich for lunch in an effort to save money and my health. I felt surprisingly good all day, and kept pretty busy.

Things got pretty quiet upstairs with Janice out. I don’t think anybody said anything to me all morning, and the guys left in the afternoon after I had eaten. I did step outside after lunch to give Muad’Dib some air, and decided to install my headliner to block the sun and try to keep my car a bit cooler in the summer.

Joel reminded me that we had our Traverse call in the afternoon, so I made it upstairs just in time for that. Having my phone muted lately has me missing most of my notifications, but I’ve also got notification fatigue from all the noise coming through. I’ll have to work in finding a balance.

Later in the afternoon, Elizabeth called me down for some help, but she was the only other face I saw the rest of the day until we stopped by Superfast to see Summer when we got back to town. She was just finishing up, and then we came home where I ate some leftover spaghetti squash casserole by myself.

I took Muad’Dib for a run to the Neighborhood Market to drop off some recycling, and he did great. It was probably our best run of the year, and I couldn’t say why. It was nice outside, but not as cold it normally has to be for him to get super excited. He even sat outside the store and waited for me while I deposited the recycling. We trimmed a couple blocks off of our usual path to see my parents, and then Eaddie called for advice on washing her floor mats at the carwash. While I was there, Julie called my parents from the beach, so I popped in to say hi before heading home.

When we made it back to the house, Summer and I finished the Kevin Hart roast before she went to bed. I was still feeling pretty good, but when I went to my office to try and recover my lost tab session, I started to really space out. I felt lost and confused, and I felt like I couldn’t remember things. It was like I knew I had a history of anxiety attacks, but I couldn’t remember what they were like. I was really disoriented for a while, and it was pretty scary because I just didn’t understand what was going on.

I took my blood pressure a couple of times, and it was a little bit high at first, but fine the second time. I slowly came out of the fog, but it was super strange. I don’t know if it was some new health concern, or maybe just the anxiety plus a lack of good sleep, but I just felt lost. I could hear Eaddie coming home and I knew where I was, but it was like my memory of everything was cloudy. All total, I think it took about two hours for me to recover from whatever that was, and then I went to sleep.

Let’s try extra hard to wake up this time.

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Unseasonably Stressed

I tried to relax coming in to work, but we had a staff meeting first thing in the morning. That went okay, and then I brought my stuff downstairs to work with Tammy for a bit. I didn’t feel bad up to that point, but then I had an anxiety attack while I was kneeling next to her at her desk. I was able to quickly log it in my spreadsheet, but I asked later and she said she didn’t notice anything strange about my breathing or anything.

I was a little foggy for a bit after that. I wasn’t super hungry at lunch time, so I grabbed the Soylent I didn’t drink in the morning and carried it outside for a walk to see if I could stir up an appetite. We did a short lap before I decided to grab some Subway, and brought it back to the office to eat.

I managed to get the price sheet updated in HubSpot, though it took me a couple tries because it didn’t properly check all of my import rows. Things got quiet in the afternoon and we wrapped up helping downstairs for a bit before heading home.

As we got close to town, I decided to stop by AT&T to give Kevin a gift I had for him. I chatted with him, which jogged my memory about having anxiety issues due to anemia. I decided to start taking iron again before my next checkup at the clinic, to see if that would help. After he left, I talked to Candice for a little bit before heading home. We just barely beat Summer to the house, and I told her that talking about red meat had me craving a steak, but she wasn’t very hungry.

We ended up going to Ridgeewood Brothers so Muad’Dib could sit outside with us. It was a nice evening for it, and I wish I had felt better, but I didn’t feel awful. We ate, and of course Muad’Dib got some “scraps.” Then I took him for a short run when we got back home.

It was a rush to get in bed after that. With any luck, it’s the lack of sleep and iron getting me down, but something’s got to change. I don’t feel right.

Outside, in the distance, a wildcat did growl.

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ANX

I didn’t feel great for a lot of today. We made it to work and I distributed a bunch of dog treats, but within a couple hours I had an anxiety attack in my office. It took me a little bit to shake that off, but sometime later I felt strange like my blood pressure dropped. My heart rate was right around 60, which was unusually low for doing even as little as I was doing. I took my blood pressure, so moving around got my heartrate up, and my pressure wasn’t terrible.

We got up and met Summer at Ortega’s for lunch, and I meant to scale back a bit but didn’t. She wasn’t feeling well either, so she went home with a headache. I finished up the day and tried to stay aware of how I was feeling.

We had therapy after work, but he was tired too. It wasn’t a great session, but I think we decided we could work together well enough to survive on a deserted island. Dwayne asked if we minded wrapping up early, so we left after just half an hour. I got some washer fluid from the lube and then met Summer at home.

I had to pick up a prescription before they closed, so I ran Muad’Dib to the Neighborhood Market on the Onewheel. When we got there, they said they couldn’t fill it because insurance had just filled it at Walgreens, so we raced home and then I drove by myself to Walgreens before they closed. Luckily I was able to get my prescription there, and they even filled it for 90 days instead of 30 like Walmart.

I made it back home where Summer had curled up in bed. I took Muad’Dib for a quick run to my parents’ house to visit for a bit, and then my Onewheel died just as we were a couple blocks from home. I was able to limp it most of the way after walking up a couple small hills. At least this was actually closer to the low end of the battery instead of over 50% like before.

I wrapped things up relatively quickly, but then I lost power to my computer, which broke my Tabs Outliner plugin again, so I lost the past several weeks of history again. I’ll have to fight it later to see if I can recover anything, but sleep calls.

Damned tab hoarding…

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Sad Grad

Summer got up early for Run Like Yell in Dardanelle. I originally said I would go, but she insisted that I didn’t have to, and I didn’t sleep great. Of course I couldn’t really sleep after she left, so I got up and made myself a croissant sandwich. I burned the bread and set off the alarms, and then Eaddie got up and left to play at graduation. After that, I repotted a plant and watered the rest. Summer showered, then I followed suit before we left to meet the girls at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Muad’Dib did reasonably well there, and we stuffed ourselves with junk food again. Autumn fussed about not being able to eat much, and then about her relationship, so the conversation started going in circles a bit. I tried not to be too involved, but it really served as a reminder of the past drama we always had to endure. Eaddie showed up late after rehearsal, ate a bit, and then I think she left with Autumn while Summer and I took Muad’Dib to stay with my parents.

It didn’t take Muad’Dib long to break out of the back yard, and then Summer kept calling at him to go back, which of course drew him to jump on my car. I yelled about it, so she got quite for a while. We made it to graduation nearly an hour early and found seats in the second row. It wasn’t terribly long after everything finally started that I got an alert that Muad’Dib had left his safe zone.

I panicked and got up to call Dad, who didn’t answer. Mom answered, but didn’t have a clue where he was. I couldn’t tell if Dad had taken him out for a walk or if he had left to look for him. I also couldn’t send a screenshot of the GPS location because my phone got hot and started acting jittery. I got most of the way back to the car when the location finally updated to show Muad’Dib back near my parents’ house, but Dad still wasn’t answering. I waited a while and eventually felt good enough to go back inside.

We watched Autumn walk, and Summer kept yelling at other people she recognized. I kept feeling like she needed to go back to education if she wanted to feel happy about that kind of stuff again, but we’ve also gotten used to bigger paychecks.

They finally wrapped things up and we met the girls outside in the sun. I got pretty warm and was annoyed that we kept having to wander around looking for kids that were doing their own family things, and hadn’t asked to meet anywhere in particular. We got some pictures, but Summer wanted specific group shots. I ended up sitting in the car for some of that. When the girls all finally caught up with one another, she called me to drive over to them. Then Autumn started fussing about Adam some more. I said my peace and then wandered off to chase my car, which was driving around on “Smart” Summon in an annoying pattern without crossing parking lines.

I finally got Summer into the car, and the kids allegedly left to go meet up with Noah. I dropped Summer off at home so she could rest before going to a team meeting at work, and then took the Onewheel to retrieve Muad’Dib. We sat inside for a little while, then Mom came out to look at her plants. We helped a very little bit before riding back home. Summer called just as we got there because Autumn wanted to tell me I helped motivate her to break up with Adam. I just told her to keep pushing herself to be better and do the right thing.

Summer eventually made it home and we watched a YouTube video about digging for supercritical geothermal. Then she went to bed and I followed for just a little bit before going off to do my own thing. I was up later than I wanted to be, and had an anxiety attack at one point while playing on my phone. Eaddie eventually made it home near midnight, and then I went to bed as well.

Late night drops!

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May the Fifth Be With You

I had an anxiety attack just as I was getting my backpack out of the car this morning, which makes two days in a row. I haven’t been tracking them for very long, but hopefully it helps the next time I go to the doctor. We got upstairs and things were pretty quiet. I spent all day fighting Microsoft documentation and trying to figure out a good way to create a collaborative address book for certain staff members. Outside of that, Charles had trouble with the network in the maintenance shop, so I had to cycle power to those switches in order so they would come back up without trying to mesh with one another.

We met Summer at Ortega’s, and the board didn’t list their usual all-you-can-eat. Instead, they had a double order of fajitas with a free T-shirt for not much more than we would have spent anyway. We shared that and had leftovers to go. Service was pretty good today too, but I also wasn’t depending on refills either.

The afternoon was more frustration with Microsoft until quitting time. Evidently Microsoft just doesn’t have a good method to collaborate on contacts without a bunch of extra effort, depending on which of the six versions of Outlook you’re using. Summer took Muad’Dib home with her at lunch, so it was quiet and lonely for the last part of the day since Janice left early.

Summer was working and watching TV when I got home. I cleaned up and eventually took Muad’Dib for a run. He did really great for part of it, but got slow about halfway through. I ended up eating spring rolls when we got to my parents’ house, and then tried to wind down quickly back at the house.

~mocha chocolata ya ya~

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Feeling Fishy

I took a frozen pancake sandwich for breakfast this morning, and that worked out pretty well on a budget, but Muad’Dib didn’t get as much. I cued myself up to buy a Steam Controller at launch, but realized a little later that I had inverted my time zone calculation. I had a quick anxiety attack shortly after that. The controller would actually be launching at noon, when I happened to have a call scheduled.

I made it work though, between the call and a couple other little fires I had to put out. I was pretty busy all day. We did get a break to go to Sonic for lunch though. There was a strong, steady wind the whole time, which would have been great for a kite. I didn’t have a kite, but I did have my Onewheel, so I took Muad’Dib for quick run around the plant when we got back to the office.

The afternoon was just as busy until we left. Summer would get home a little after us, so we had some time to clean up before we decided to meet at Sam’s Southern Eatery for dinner. We hadn’t eaten there in quite some time, and just happened to remember that they had a dog-friendly patio, so we decided to give it a shot.

I decided to take the Onewheel at the last minute so Muad’Dib could get more run time in. We nearly made it downtown when I texted Summer, who said she was ready to leave, so we met her just outside Point Remove and she drove us the rest of the way.

Sam’s was pretty dead, with only a couple other tables of patrons. The patio was empty, but they welcomed us to eat out there. It looked like it hadn’t been swept in quite some time, with trash blown in everywhere on the ground. The tables and chairs were clean though, and the food was great in spite of having slightly smaller portions than when they had just opened.

Afterward, we came home and I let Summer bathe while I took Muad’Dib to my parents’ house and back again. He was full of energy, so I didn’t want to keep him cooped up inside any more than I had to. We had a good run, then came in to calm down, clean up, and get to bed.

No, seriously, DON’T PANIC.