Tag: anxiety

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Stress Ball

I started this morning at the high school, repeating three different data entry tasks in a meticulously crafted beast machine of over-documentation. Dale seems to have accepted that things will probably change pretty quickly after he’s gone, but more importantly it seems like I’m going to have to be demanding some additional buy-in from certain people. At least I feel efficient with the way that I perform his processes.

I could have worked through lunch, but he clocked out and ate some leftovers. I didn’t really feel like doing anything, so I went home and warmed up a frozen chicken slider that was pretty gross. Afterward, I came back a bit early to perform some intake and output of replacement parts and serviced laptops. I’ll have to do some more of that I think, before I really grasp the full process. The most aggravating part about any of that is the physical paperwork. Needless to say, 2019 is going paperless.

When we finished with that stuff, I left for the junior high to deal with needy esports kids. I gave two more PCs to the library for distribution, but I wish I had some face time with the parents at least to explain what it is that I’m doing. Summer had most of her room packed up, and then left with the kids so Nick could take them all to dinner. She ended up wanting CiCi’s too, so I met her there and stuffed myself to make up for the particularly terrible lunch. I ran into David and his tiny baby family there, and it was really great to see them. It pleased me that they seemed to be doing so well as such a young couple.

After dinner, I went to my parents’ house to pick up some mosquito larvae for my fish and banana trees for Tammy. I dropped them off at Oakland on the way home so I could check my blood pressure. It was surprisingly only “normally” high, but I did give myself a really long period of time to rest first. Then it was home to fight with a ridiculous cat box. I can’t be done with that nonsense soon enough.

It’s aight.

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So Long Haired Dale

I had a pretty slow morning again, mostly due to lack of desire to accomplish much. I ended up at the shop for a while before lunch, where they had a lockdown just before I arrived. For a while, it was the safest basement in all the land, with at least four cops and two of our security guys. I legitimately lost count.

Ronda and Jessica wanted to take the time to go out for lunch with me, so we went to Ruby Tuesday for $5 salads. It was delicious and green, but most notably the peaches were amazing. I don’t know why I don’t get more peach things more often.

After lunch I had to go to the high school to help with keyboard bezels. We got pulled away twice to go to the safe room due to some storms that rolled through. The second time, I brought some bezels along with me just in case we got stuck there for a while. I only had time to do one replacement, but it felt good all the same. We finished a big stack of them just in time to go to the library for Dale’s retirement shindig.

It really seemed like we crammed more people in that library than Alene had at the Center for her retirement, and it felt good. I’ve never made it to the very first part of anyone’s retirement party, so I assume it’s at least a little customary to say some words. Regardless of what normally happens, it wasn’t unlike Dale to have a story. He recalled starting his adult life in the high school library where he spoke with a recruiter that got him into the Marines. Eventually he retired from that and came back to the school district, where he had a retirement party in the same library. It seemed as though he might have started to choke up a bit, and it was sweet. I’ll really miss him.

Hannah had agreed to babysit my esports kids until I could get back to the junior high, so after the party I ran over there for just the tail end of practice. It was a pretty small crowd there, since most had been checked out early, or didn’t even have to come at all after being exempted from finals. I wish I had prepared for the end of the year, and the last week of practice better. I gave the district magazine to those that wanted it for the article about us. Then we took a trip to my office where I handed out a couple old computers so they could practice at home. I should have prepared for that better too. Having to move to high school has me all kinds of messed up.

I worked super late, but finally made it over to my parents’ house for some leftover mango soup. Then I helped Dad fix his smart garage door opener I had gotten them. I guess he misread the directions and wired it up incorrectly, so we fixed it without too much trouble. From there, I headed home to try and clean up, but half got distracted by email, and spent a large portion of the remainder of my evening unsubscribing from several of the overly talkative newsletters. Tomorrow morning it’s back to the high school to learn more web forms for submitting these tickets. I’m going to hate that so much.

Who’s that???

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Bezels Bezels Bezels Bezels Bezels Bezels Bezels Bezels Bezels Bezels Bezels Bezels

Heather met me at the junior high this morning, and we ran around working on a few of the individual work orders I had collected last week. It wasn’t much, but she did at least get to open up a computer to pull out a power supply. We, or I, should probably be going over some of them with more urgency, but summer is nearly here, and I’ve lost a lot of steam. Jesica was in town for a meeting and wanted to get lunch, so I met her at Stoby’s and we caught up a bit.

After lunch, I went to the high school and helped Dale out by doing a stack of keyboard bezels. Then we brought two more carts full of laptops to the office and stowed them away under the bins. It was tiring, boring, and thankless work, but evidently I have to do it now. I did pull a quarter out of one of the card readers, but I’m sure if anyone from central office had seen me earn that bonus, they would have relieved me of it. At one point we did get a little bit of excitement when Paul burst into the office asking what our IP was. After some digging and looking at the snipping tool clip of a screenshot he printed on paper, I discovered he had gotten a popup regarding a reset password. I was relatively certain he was crazy, but I gave him a couple pointers and sent him on his way. He came back just minutes later and asked us to come take a look at it, and left in an audible huff when Dale told him we were too busy at the moment. I honestly think there may have been tears. It must have been remorse for not paying attention, or not having a damn clue.

We left at the end of the day, feeling vaguely accomplished. I went home and tried to clean up a bit through a headache I had been incubating. I spent a bit of time on the aquariums, less in the kitchen, and a bit more on the computer. I’ve got to get things ready for the trip, but my travel anxiety is already well on its way. I ate my leftover beef spud from last week when I got home, but after wandering around the house for a couple more hours, I worked up enough of an appetite to run to my parents’ house for some more leftovers. They were watching Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves on TV, and they both had forgotten we had watched it before. It was one of my favorite movies as a child, and I thought we had the VHS, but it’s possible we had borrowed it from someone. I never remembered much of it myself for some reason, but I sure remembered those fire arrows!

Back home, I wound it down pretty quickly and headed to bed for a long sleep.

A snake, a snake! Snake! Snake! Oooh, it’s a snake!

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Beats per Second

I got up early again this morning and picked Amanda up for our training day at Arch Ford. She said she was pretty hungover and couldn’t eat her Tornado from Love’s, so she gave the rest to me. Then I loaded up on Pop-Tarts and a Rice Krispies Treat. I really enjoyed learning and playing around in the lab again, so I was a bit upset that we had to leave at lunch time. I guess we really could have gotten away with not coming back, but Amanda was already begging to leave an hour earlier than we did. I didn’t feel too sympathetic since it was self-inflicted, but I did want to be back in time for the end of the year retirement assembly.

My anxiety was already pretty high, and I stopped by Oakland to see that my blood pressure was also really high. Then my anxiety shot through the roof once I got to the Center. I hadn’t eaten lunch either, and my hand started shaking while I was getting some punch, and I almost lost it. After we finally made our way in and sat down, my heart rate shot up to about 127 BPM and stayed about that high for the entire assembly. Nothing I did could calm it down, and I was left wishing I had brought my last Xanax. I guess I’ll need to ask to renew that for emergencies the next time I go in to the clinic.

Ben had a pretty decent speech for Dale’s retirement, but I think more than anything we were surprised to see anyone actually retire from our department. Mark’s closing statement to “trust him” regarding pay scales left some pretty bitter I think, but what do you do? When they won’t even let someone retire with their original letter and make them rewrite it to be more friendly, what kind of environment are we really fostering?

I went home for the evening feeling worn out from my body’s inability to properly human today. Summer had to pick Autumn up after she injured her knee somehow, and wants to schedule an X-ray now. I’m just ready for any kind of break.

I just want a field day like everybody else.

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People That Do Things

I sort of halfway got to sleep in just a little bit today, but it wasn’t much. The girls went home while I showered and got the bike rack mounted. I had forgotten how heavy and cumbersome that thing is, and it makes me wish I had a better way to store it than boxing it back up in the retail package. It really is the most secure, uniform shape that way though.

Noah and Eaddie stayed behind, so it was just Summer, Autumn, and myself again heading to Little Rock. We went straight to Dick’s and met with Ryan, who I had spoken to over the phone. He threw the bike up and checked the breaks and a couple things, but evidently didn’t tighten the handlebars or air up the tires, and one of the valve stem caps was missing. Of course we didn’t notice any of this until we got home and tried to ride them.

While in Little Rock, we tried to find somewhere to go for lunch and ended up at Hooter’s right around the corner. The girls kept being super apologetic about how slow they were and how behind the kitchen was, but I honestly didn’t really even notice it at all, especially for a Mother’s Day crowd. Autumn thought she could handle the heat of the wings, but she ended up struggling to eat. Summer lucked out and got a free salad for Mother’s Day.

We stopped in Conway on the way home to get the last bike. As we walked into Dick’s, we found they had lost power, so they let us shop around under the emergency lighting. Taylor met up with us and tried to talk me into biting the bullet on a new bike for myself with his n+1=x where n is the number of bikes I have, and x is the number of bikes I need. I passed, deciding instead to hoard my money for another day.

When we got home, I ordered some Domino’s for dinner and picked it up on the way to my parents’ house. Summer took the kids to her mother’s to visit for a bit on the way, and eventually we all made it to dinner with my parents. Julie got her own broccoli crust pizza from Brick Oven. I mostly ate salad, but had a slice of Hawaiian and a slice of Julie’s chicken bacon ranch that wasn’t bad. After we finished eating, we went outside and let everyone try riding the new bikes in the street a bit. That’s when we found Summer’s had not been put together completely, or at least not tightly enough.

They headed home, and I took the bikes home to try and clean out the garage enough to store them. I managed, but only because of how much junk I had that I could rearrange. Trying to store them with another vehicle in the garage will prove to be more difficult unless one of those vehicles is a Miata. Time will tell, I suppose.

Kleer the mind.

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The Unlikely Lunch

The weather was nice today and I really wanted to ride the bike in to work, but I had to set up the five new computer monitors that Ben offered to Oakland to make up for moving me to another campus. I think all the shuffling around has stressed me out, or at least caused some anxiety because I haven’t quite accepted the inevitability of it. I guess I just have to remind myself that in the end, none of it really matters anyway. Otherwise it was a pretty slow day.

CiCi’s had free buffets for teacher appreciation week today, so I convinced Jason and Allen to go there for lunch with me. Allen spaced and tried to pay for his. I guess I should be relieved that he didn’t show up at Pizza Hut instead, even though I drove us all. I started with a huge salad full of leafy green stuff. The spinach looked pretty wilted, but it tasted good. I couldn’t leave without at least a little pizza, but it was definitely a different mindset than what I normally have. The downside was that I was really hungry again later in the day.

I had esports today, and had a couple kids get caught making out after they had left the building to wait for their rides outside. They seemed like relatively unlikely ones, but what the hell do I know? Kids these days are a whole different breed altogether. When I left work, I went to my parents’ house to help clean up leftovers. I stuffed myself there with a lot more roughage. Once I get into a groove at high school, I’m going to try and skip lunch and do the Soylent thing for a while. I should have at least a week or two where that will work out conveniently.

Back home, I continued to feel the anxiety as I did my best to sit through the Google I/O stream. Somehow I didn’t make it through the hour and a half stream in all of that time, so I’ll have to wrap up the last part of it tomorrow.

All you can SHēt for $5.99

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High School; High Score

I went to the high school this morning to see what Dale was doing. They were just starting to pick up senior devices, classroom at a time. This all leads in to the busiest time for them, and I’ve somehow got to wrap my head around all the RMA processes while also learning a massive new campus. To make things even more difficult, I won’t properly be able to do my own part replacements until I get my A+ and Lenovo certifications. I can already tell I’m going to miss a lot of time that I have traditionally used to learn new things. I kind of hate it, but I’m still hopeful it won’t be that bad.

Teacher appreciation week is here, so Dale and I mooched off of their catered lunch from La Huerta. Then I left to go to the junior high for some work. They were serving hamburgers, so I grabbed one for later while Ben, Jason, and Allen were there. Then I went to work. On his way out, Ben said he basically gave his blessing to move the technology office into a closet, which really got me pretty angry. Evidently it was enough to earn myself a new high score of 200/112, so I went straight back to my room and kicked back for an hour. I tried calling my clinic, but the nurse line voicemail said they only check messages at the end of the day, and I wasn’t sure if I should treat it as more of an emergency. I gave it some time and checked my blood pressure again at a more normal high of 184/101.

Chrystal convinced me to call the clinic again, so I left the voicemail and went back to work. Eventually they did call me back, and told me to double my dosage to 10mg. It’s still not a lot, but the 5mg didn’t seem to phase me at all and I feel like I’m flush more often, or at least more consciously aware of every twinge and ache in my arm, chest, and brain helmet area. They want me to come back in a week instead of the two and a half weeks later for my 30-day checkup.

After school, Summer left for the gym while the girls went with me to my parents’ house. Eaddie came and sat next to me on the couch for the first time, and we both played on our phones until Summer got there. Mom made spring rolls with some pork that Dad smoked, and I filled up on leafy greens. I feel like the fish sauce may have nullified some of that, with a bedtime reading of 150/100. It’d be great if I could keep my diastolic out of the triple digits.

Maybe I’m just too intense.

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Taking Things Without Asking

Heather came to the junior high early this morning, and I tried to show her around a bit while we picked up some more computers that were going out for auction. Matt came along and said they were probably going to move technology out of my office and into a closet so James and his people could have the space, which got me really riled up. It was at that point that I decided it was okay to go gut a teacher’s classroom of student devices without asking.

I forgot my medication yesterday, but was back on it today. A big group of us met at Old South for a very slow lunch. I tried the taco salad with their Old South dressing, which seemed like it was all mayonnaise and garlic powder. The waitress even had a little spiel about how she couldn’t tell me all the ingredients because then it would be “everybody’s” dressing, and that it would ward off vampires, boyfriends, etc. It was a little surreal getting all of that considering how busy they were. The taco salad was good though, even with the weird mayo dressing. I felt like it was more taco than salad, but I’d never complain about it because then they would just give less meat.

After lunch, I had to go to Oakland to help with a National Board video conversion. Erica stopped me cold in my tracks and said Ben told them he was moving me to the high school. It was a bad day for everyone.

When school let out, I went back to the shop to chat with Ben until we went to Alene’s retirement shindig. They really do it up big for those at the top of the food chain. Dale gets his party in the library. I imagine mine will be in a bathroom somewhere, assuming I don’t die from it first.

When I got home, I started some laundry and then tried out Breath of the Wild in 3D. The pictures on the TV were way too diverged, and I think it gave me a pretty good, lingering headache. For a bit I thought it might even be the blood pressure, but I went by Oakland to check, and it wasn’t any worse than usual. I stopped by the shop to get the blood pressure cuff from Jason’s office so I could watch it over the weekend, then went to my parents’ to borrow the deep fryers for the car show. There, I found out that Alene was actually the travel agent for my parents’ honeymoon. If I hadn’t been born two years later, I might have been concerned that I owed the woman my life.

On the way home, I stopped by the shop again for some extension cords because I forgot them the first time. Then it was home for the evening to try and relax and sleep before the big day tomorrow.

Space Cadet.

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Roller Coaster! Of Blooooooood. (say what?)

The Catapult Health Clinic was at the middle school today, and I had my visit scheduled first thing in the morning. They seemed to be running a little slow, so it took me a few minutes to get in, but it wasn’t any worse than going to my doctor’s office. The difference is that they had me do all the paperwork right there with them while they sampled my blood. That’s about the time that shit got cray.

My first blood pressure reading was 188/122. I’ve never paid particular attention to those goals, so for me it was business as usual. The second reading was 170/111, which was more than 10 points off of the first reading, so I got a third at 186/127. That’s when a different nurse came over with an alarmed look on his face. He called the first girl back over and asked what they should do, and she replied that the video chat nurse would probably just talk to me about it. After a brief wait to go behind the video chat curtain, a nurse practitioner video chatted with me and brought up a warning/disclaimer to call my doctor immediately.

I went to Oakland to do some work and told the girls about my experience, so Leslie took my blood pressure again at 183/114. Nearly an hour later, I had relaxed it down to 174/114. I was less concerned, but already coerced into calling my doctor. I could have gone in right at lunch time, but I was already hangry at that point, so I scheduled a visit for 2 in the afternoon and went with a big group to lunch at Western Sizzlin where I had an incredibly unhealthy salad. It could have been better.

After lunch, the doctor visit went relatively well. They had renovated most of the building, and pretty well removed my old doctor’s name and replaced pretty much every comfort of familiarity. I hated watching the reel of healthcare advertisements in the lobby. At least everything else looked cleaner and less dingy than before. The first nurse got my blood pressure at 160/90 in both arms and said it wasn’t that bad, and blamed the high numbers on the auto-cuffs we had used all morning. A short wait later, the ARNP came in and basically said the same, but then followed that she was prescribing some low dosage blood pressure medication. I’ve officially made it to the stage in life where I’m kept artificially alive. Also, I have ringworm.

I went straight back to the junior high after my visit was over, and had Chrystal take my blood pressure again. She had a manual cuff like the doctor’s office, and came up with 182/110, which served only to confuse me more. Convinced that Death was following me around, I continued on with the rest of my day. Summer left to go to the gym, and I took the girls to Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions before going to my parents’ house for dinner.

My parents seemed not to be too concerned with me getting medication, and leftovers were good. All I had left to do was research my new drugs.

Until I got home.

Bulk item pickup day apparently didn’t include tires or televisions, so both were left in my front lawn. The CRT TV chassis appeared to be split open, so of course it fell completely apart as soon as I touched it. The glass immediately shattered, half on the grass and half on my driveway. I would have preferred to sweep it off of only the driveway, but that would have left me feeling less defeated. My new, concerned neighbor laughed at my response that I was okay, but contemplating life.

We’ll try again tomorrow.

Blood pressure’s like a roller coaster baby, baby. I’m gonna die.

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I Could Chair Less

I haven’t been able to sleep in much this weekend for some reason. I don’t know if it’s just too bright outside or if it’s because of the head cold, but it’s been tiring and annoying feeling so drained. Summer headed home to get her chores done while I spent all morning preparing potatoes to bake in the afternoon.

The girls came home all gross, cranky, and uncooperative because they were tired and apparently good personal hygiene is out of fashion. The twice baked potatoes ended up taking me quite a bit longer to make than I expected too, but I still had them finished right as the girls walked in the door. We made it to my parent’s house about an hour late, so everyone had already started eating without us. The girls weren’t very hungry anyway since they ate with their dad, but Summer and I filled up.

Julie made keto food and said she made cauliflower rice. It was cauliflower, and I don’t get why these people have to call it by the wrong name. I guess if I eliminated a food group, I’d be a little crazy too. As they were leaving, Mr. Houston said he moved in next door, so that will be new I guess. Nobody stuck around for very long after dinner, and we weren’t an exception. Summer and I had to get back to move some furniture out of my house.

Bulk item pickup comes twice a year, and I refused to miss it this time around. I set calendar reminders for both Summer and myself, and we planned to move at least one couch out of the house. We ended up moving three. I no longer have a huge amount of seating, but it seems like nobody comes around these days anyway. It was nice to get rid of so much stuff all at once. Random scrappers came by and picked up two lawn mowers as quickly as I put them out. The rest I suppose will sit until morning. I’ll probably continue to feel guilty about trashing old shoes and boots for the rest of my life, but it made Summer feel better. I really should have cleaned them up and donated them, but it hadn’t happened in this many years, so I guess it was just as well for them to be thrown away.

Cleaning the cat box has become a total nightmare, and I had to do a load of laundry before bed. I guess change will feel better eventually, but right now it’s hard not to feel a little jarred.

Sofa, so good.