Tag: anxiety

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Rugs, Not Drugs

I woke up about 15 minutes before my alarm and headed home this morning. I was still exhausted, but I just wake up early like that now, without enough time to go back to sleep. I took a bit of a long shower though, and made it to work at what I would consider “just on time.” I tried cleaning up some old emails and tasks, which at one point included going down to the Elementary to collect copier serial numbers.

I had taco soup for lunch from the cafeteria, and spent some time in the afternoon placing stickers, and even went out to Plainview by myself. It was really the first time I went out into the buildings alone, and it was an even mix of people recognizing who I was, and others that had no clue.

Dad met the restoration guys at my house again, and they cut some drywall out and found a termite nest, along with a bunch of wet insulation in the wall under the window. I never recognized any leakage, but I guess that’s what they were going with. I’d almost suspect the outside water faucet. I overheard one of the guys on the security camera while he was talking to someone on the phone, and he kept repeating that I had a Tesla, and said he was pretty sure I was a drug dealer.

When I made it home, I changed and went to my parents’ house to discuss plans for the house. Mom made a great point that insurance may pay to re-carpet the entire area since it was all one solid style that wouldn’t match otherwise. That made enough sense to me that I felt a little better about it.

I headed back home, looping around to try and see any tree damage on Brody’s new, old house. There wasn’t anything broken that I could see from the road. I made it home to swap vehicles, and headed up to Summer’s for the evening. There, I scrubbed through camera footage to find clips of the restoration guys taking pictures of my motorcycles, the Tesla Wall Connector, and even telling another guy to come take a look at the hoarder house, but to carry a fan in so it wouldn’t look suspicious. I did not at all feel good about them being in my home, but it’s blue collar work. All I could do was hope they were only looky-loos.

Seriously, they start at less than $35,000 if you get the tax credit.

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Told Me So

The steady tone of the storm sirens confused me this morning. I didn’t even identify it as an alarm, and tried to go back to sleep. It wasn’t until I felt Summer moving around that I realized it was a weather alert. She said a tornado was confirmed in Knoxville, but all we heard was thunder and heavy rain. Eaddie woke up and crawled into bed with us, and I held onto her for an hour or so while she chatted nervously about the weather. Once it all calmed down, she went back to her room and we were all able to get back to sleep.

When I finally woke up for the morning, I started making some biscuits and bacon for breakfast. Summer came in and made eggs and corned beef hash, and the three of us sat down to eat together before we had to take Eaddie to band camp. She had been super excited about it for a while, so I wanted to go with Summer to drop her off.

There was debris everywhere, and we could see several branches down all the way to Tech. Trash can lids littered the campus, and lots of things were just knocked over. Eaddie hit the ground running as she encountered a bunch of friends that were excited to see her. Summer took me back to the house, and I left for home.

As soon as I got to my house, I peered around back to see if there was any damage. Then I saw some limbs down in the front yard. That was when I spotted a huge branch sticking straight up out of my roof like a lawn dart. I went inside to investigate, and it had gone down through the roof and into the wall of the front bedroom. It looked like it very easily could have gone into the bathroom, but it didn’t. Water was steadily dripping down onto Eaddie’s bed, and of course the paperwork I had scattered everywhere waiting to be put away was completely soaked.

I texted Dad for some help with a chainsaw, and had Summer come over as soon as she could. I started moving things out of the bedroom, and then Dad and Summer went up onto the roof to cut the branch up and remove it from the roof. As soon as it was removed, the water stopped actively dripping into the house. Luckily it didn’t rain again during the day, but we didn’t get to watch The Flash in IMAX like I had planned. I spent the entire day with my carpet cleaner, and sucked about five gallons of water out of the carpet instead.

The highlight of the day was hearing that Eaddie had made first band, first chair at camp. As my water extraction project slowed down, I took a shower and headed toward Summer’s for the evening. I picked up some Zaxby’s for dinner, where I ran into Allen and Charlotte. We chatted for a bit, and then I continued up to Summer to share our dinner. She was already in bed, and returned to it as soon as she finished eating. I ached absolutely everywhere, and tried my best to get to bed early.

Stupid me-tree.

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Sent Packing

Summer had to work a long day today. I slept in a little bit, but had to get home to do some laundry for our trip. Eaddie slept a couple hours later than I wanted her to, but it sprinkled on and off, so she had to mow in the dry periods. I cleaned up a bunch of leftovers, and once she finished the yard, I headed home.

The day went by relatively quickly. I got my laundry done and took a shower, but then I had to take Eaddie to Pasta Grill to meet some band friends to celebrate Kim’s retirement. I circled around to my parents’ house from there so I could visit before our trip. I ended up having dinner there, and Dad showed me the landscaping they had done.

I left their house to pick up Eaddie, but she decided she wanted to go to the movies instead. I went home and got caught up in deciding which vehicle to take to D.C. The Murano would be really straightforward, but I kept thinking the Autopilot on the Model Y would make the drive so much less exhausting. We’d have to stop a little more frequently and for longer, but driving for three hours at a time seemed like long enough for me anyway.

Summer stopped by after she finally got home from work, and I cleared up some confusion about the hotel. I couldn’t figure out how she booked the one she did, but it was twice the distance from the University of Maryland as the one that was actually advertised on the National History Day website. I booked the correct hotel and cancelled her reservation, and then we went outside to compare vehicles.

She went on home, but then I followed because Eaddie was on the way home from the movies. We needed to make sure her project would fit in the trunk, and it did, so we loaded it up and then I headed back home to charge and pack.

I didn’t get to bed until a couple hours later than I wanted, but I felt fairly confident that I had packed everything I should need for such a long trip. In reality, I was sure that I still overpacked, but travel makes me highly anxious.

It’s easier to unpack and repack than to do the Tesla Shuffle.

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Poor Test

I was pretty sleepy last night, and slept in a fair amount today, partially because my phone never finished charging overnight with a faulty cable, and I wanted to run a full charge cycle for testing purposes. Summer forgot it was Memorial Day and scheduled herself to work in Greenbrier. Autumn had plans to spend the day out, mostly with Adam, so Eaddie and I had the day to ourselves.

I started with a bowl of cereal while I shopped for a sunshade for my car. Mom called to offer leftovers for lunch, so I woke Eaddie up and we eventually made our way to their house to eat. Then she wanted to go play her flute with a friend, so we had to run back to the house for her instrument, and then I dropped her off and headed to my house for the day.

The first thing I did was poke around the logs some more to get them burning down some more. Then I went inside and had a bit of an anxiety/dizziness attack that gave me a little bit of a dull headache for a while. Eventually I got around to doing my practice testing for Entergy, but evidently I did the wrong collection of tests. I thought I had to do all of them, but it was just four specific categories.

As it got later, I went back to get Eaddie, and we made it home just after Summer. They watched The Office while I argued with Julie about the practice test answers. I just couldn’t see how they came to some of their conclusions, but hopefully they were just poor examples of test questions. It won’t be the end of the world if I don’t make it anyway.

I ended the night with even more frustration, trying to re-pair Summer’s Fitbit Aria to her new router. I forgot to update it when I replaced the router, and apparently Fitbit has abandoned the setup process, and it will no longer work. I wish I could just no longer work.

Money

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Collector of Worst Practices

I got up super early today to make sure I would make it in to work on time. I wasn’t sure how the commute would go, but I was pleasantly surprised at how uneventful it was. I made it in early and had to track down someone to let me into the office. Blake was at a picnic table with several other admins watching kids come in from the buses, and came inside to let me in before I had keys or a badge. Those showed up pretty soon after that, though.

It was a fair first day. I spent most of the morning filling out my new hire paperwork. Kim and I had chicken noodle soup for lunch from the cafeteria, and then I spent the afternoon just poking around, generally getting sidetracked by one horror after another. It appeared that every prior tech coordinator still had active accounts in the systems. Among other things, I also found an installation of Starcraft II, and a VM dedicated solely for a Plex media server, which was hosting a singular video – The Polar Express. It was then that I knew without a doubt that my entire life was a work of satire.

I really didn’t accomplish anything at all, and only barely found some of the systems I needed to access. I’ll probably have to dig into one of their more pressing issues tomorrow, just so they don’t feel like I’ll also be putting all of those things on the backburner indefinitely. Everyone filtered out about an hour earlier than I anticipated, but I stuck around to tinker some more before heading home.

The drive home was literally much faster. Traffic just worked out that way. Some guy flew up behind me, so I just followed him at interstate speeds until we got to Dardanelle. Autumn called and wanted to know if I would get Eaddie after a middle school band concert, so I went home to wait. When Summer got back into town, I met her at my parents’ house for dinner, and then she went home while I went to the high school for Eaddie.

Summer was in bed by the time we got there, so I tinkered on my new work phone for a bit, and then went through my nightly routine so I could get to bed as early as possible. I didn’t sleep super well last night, and I don’t think tonight will be much better.

Seriously, nearly all of this is a very bad, bad idea.

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Accepting Rejection

I was happy enough with the response I got this morning, along with the general excitement expressed in the offer, that I’ll start at Two Rivers on Monday. Unfortunately we ended up offending the sellers of the Ouita house with our offer enough that they outright rejected our offer, along with the verbal one they received. I talked with Alisha some more, and the seller’s agent finally talked them into negotiating some.

Summer worked from home, so I took a shower and she took us to Mulan’s for lunch. I ate way too much and then had to go home so Dad could come help me fix my leaky faucet. That project snowballed on us, and it took one trip to Leonard’s to fix the leak at the knob, but then the shutoff valves wouldn’t close enough to stop the water and we had to shut it off at the curb. Of course the box was completely full of water from all the rain. I tried blowing it out with my leaf blower, and all that muddy water ended up in my face. We took another trip to Leonard’s and got some washers for the shutoff valves, but using the impact to remove the caps may have caused them to leak somewhere else. There’s still a small drip at the shutoff valve now.

I took another shower to clean off the mud, and then I had to go get Eaddie and a friend of hers from robotics. We dropped her off a couple blocks from my house, and then I took Eaddie home until we had to go back to the high school for their band participation awards.

The house lights stayed on the whole evening, and then having the directors read out every single activity that each individual senior had done in their entire school career was just the start to how ridiculous the night would be. After they finished the seniors, they called every single junior and sophomore onto the stage to collect their participation trophies. We almost left early because Summer thought they were going to call eighth and seventh graders up as well, but they didn’t.

The girls went out with friends, so Summer and I came home and watched a couple episodes of Modern Family. The girls eventually made it home and I added some flavor and correctly-sized vegetables to the pico de gallo that Autumn basically blended yesterday. I got a little sidetracked after that, but tried not to stay up too late.

How can I be so tired and so restless?

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The Clown Who Juggles

I woke up to an unexpected notification for a hard credit inquiry, which got me heated. I was under the impression that the pre-qualification for a mortgage loan would only be a soft inquiry, so having two banks check had me in a panic. That may have been premature though, as I later read that if they fall within a certain timeframe, only one will count against me for the actual loan we take.

From then, I continued to be bombarded with new information. I got two interviews scheduled for the next two days, and I very nearly had to go pick up Gary from Little Rock. Fortunately his parents warmed up to the idea of getting him themselves, because then Summer needed to take some supplies to Fort Smith in the afternoon.

I made it home to get cleaned up before Autumn’s military signing luncheon, all while communicating with loan officers. Then while we were at the luncheon in the Black Box, Alisha texted to let me know there was another verbal offer on the table, which got me in a rush to complete our loan application. The lunch itself was some pretty decent barbecue for free. The national anthem was played by a singular, laughably bad trumpet player. I got the feeling he should have been significantly better, but he must have gotten choked. It did feel very fitting to be as bad as it was for Autumn, who happened to also have zero support from the Navy. She ended up inviting the librarian and getting her boyfriend out of class to come sit at our table.

On the way out, Jeff stopped to talk to me and ask how things were going. I wished I had recorded the conversation just to have a record of him saying how gut-wrenching it was to watch them terminate me. We immediately went to get Summer’s car and load it up with a big box of towels from the wash, and then we were off to Fort Smith.

I spent the entire drive going back and forth with Alisha, and responding to the loan officers. We have no idea what the other offer is, or if ours will be laughed off. It’s difficult to keep from doing too much with buyers’ anxiety, especially now that our credit has been hit. We weren’t in a rush to purchase a house, but we liked this one enough to go through the paperwork. If it doesn’t work out, I don’t know if this will screw our credit for the next time, if we don’t find a place soon enough.

We made it to Fort Smith by way of Highway 22. It aggravated Summer to drive so slowly, but the whole roundtrip was only about 20 minutes slower than the interstate, but 10 miles shorter. That’s assuming we wouldn’t have hit traffic in the construction zones on the interstate. On top of that, we saved quite a bit of battery power going so much slower. She ended up talking to their quirky shift lead Viking for a while, so by the time we made it back home it was too late for her to go back to Superfast to close the shop. We stopped to get Eaddie, and then we got her car on the fast charger before they headed home.

I took my car to the wash for a thorough cleaning, then stopped by Casey’s for a couple drinks before making it up to Summer’s for the evening. I cleaned up some Popeyes they brought home, Autumn left for a multi-hour signing and awards event at the high school, and I took a call from Donna, who had questions as a challenger in the school board election. I got some possibly-useful information from her on who might be able to help my case. I don’t know if she got anything useful from me. I certainly don’t have any time to go out campaigning, and I’ll be lucky if I remember to go out to vote in the morning.

Eaddie and I wrapped up the evening with El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie. I thought it was a decent, if not unnecessary sendoff for Jesse. It did run a bit long, and brought in some unnecessary new characters, but it was an okay story. I think Better Call Saul will probably be better.

Seriously, a kazoo would have been better.

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All Eggs; No Basket

I woke up to a rejection email this morning, which stressed me out a bit. He did at least have some kind words for me, so maybe something will work out in the future. After that, I had a bit of a slow start. I wanted to do something productive, so I cleaned the kitchen and then started looking for more jobs. I got a response from an application I submitted yesterday, but that job would require a commute to Maumelle every day.

I eventually made it home to shower and apply for a few more jobs. Then I headed back up to Summer’s once she was on the way home. Joe called while I was driving, and asked me to support Donna in her bid for school board. Maybe I have Jason all wrong, but he’s always been nice to me as a total stranger. I appreciated Joe’s call, but I still find it odd to have people ringing my doorbell or calling my unpublished phone number.

Summer ended up going to the gym, so I got the ham and some rolls out for a snack-like dinner. It looked like the girls went out to eat right after school, so I didn’t concern myself with them. Eaddie came out of her room and we finished Breaking Bad, but then Summer came home talking loudly on speakerphone. We tried shutting her in the bedroom, but then she came back out and sat in front of the TV with us. That was even more annoying, because she hasn’t been interested in watching it with us, but she kept asking questions about what was happening. In the finale.

Everyone was off to bed by the time we finished. Eaddie tried having me fill out a form for her National History Day trip, but we decided to wait until after our meeting the very next day.

Strip the Personality

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The Honest Ones

I got up fairly early this morning and headed home to mow my lawn. Summer had me drop a couple things off for her at the wash, and I traded vehicles with her so I could load up a ladder for our second home tour. It was nice and cool outside, so mowing wasn’t bad at all. I still felt some chest pain as I got going, but it got better over time. I got the front yard and most of the back done with just one battery, and I’ll need to burn some fallen branches and other scrap wood to clean up the rest. When I finished, Bác Vân called me over to get a couple slices of pizza she brought home from the casino. Then I took a shower so I could get some lunch for Summer.

She wanted “a good burger” but wasn’t willing to leave the wash, so she got a “Whopper” instead. After we ate, Brendon wanted a ride in the Model Y, so I took him around the block before eventually heading home. Eaddie was supposed to go with us to look at the house, but decided she would rather watch a band recital instead. Once Summer left work, I headed up to her house to pick her up, where she called Eaddie to convince her to come with us instead.

Summer drove us across town using the least efficient route to get Eaddie, and then finally started following the navigation system to get us to the house. Dad beat us there, and we beat Alisha, so we took our time staring at a neighbor’s dog that was running around the driveway. David was actually outside on the front porch, so we chatted with him a bit when we found him. Then Dad and I climbed up a ladder in the detached garage to try and figure out what it would take to put the garage door back together. They didn’t appear to have the parts, and the rails were removed far enough to encapsulate the door behind drywall.

The girls finished touring the rest of the house while we were messing around in the garage, but then I wanted to walk through once more to measure some spaces. Eaddie really seemed to like the place, and it smelled way better than it did the other day. They had incense burning in practically every room, and several of the windows were cracked open. As we finished up our second tour, I took David for a ride in the Model Y, which he really enjoyed. I guess all that’s left is to talk to a bank or five.

We dropped the ladder back off at my house, and then headed toward home. I convinced the girls to go to CiCi’s for dinner, but as we walked in the door, I got a call from the last lawyer I contacted. He was at least honest enough to give me the news I didn’t want to hear. By his estimation, the risk versus reward just wasn’t good enough, and he suggested if I had 10 grand to burn, I should take it to a roulette table in Tunica and bet on even. Though frustrated, stressed, and anxious, I was appreciative of an opinion that didn’t immediately turn into a sales pitch. I don’t know what’s next, but I know I’m not quite ready to give up.

After that lengthy phone call, we went inside to eat. It was overall a substandard experience, because we learned they were completely out of forks, but only after we had made big salads. They never once came out with a barbecue pizza, but at least they had some fresh spinach at one point. Most everything had been sitting for at least a little while, so it just wasn’t great.

Autumn was home when we got back, and had made herself a sandwich after doing who-knows what kind of grocery shopping. Summer went straight to bed, Eaddie disappeared into her room right away, and Autumn went to her room as soon as she finished eating. I spent the rest of the night poring over first-time home buyer tips, and trying to make sure we weren’t about to go completely broke. I’d really love a job offer right about now.

No Bull! Know WTF is happening!

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Restless Exhaustion

Autumn woke me up with a start this morning and asked me to take Eaddie to school because they slept in and were running late. I would have declined if I had known she just wanted to leave five minutes earlier so she could still make the McDonald’s drive-through before going to school. We ended up arriving right after her, and I was angry. I was sleeping so heavily when she got me up, and I didn’t feel like I could go back to sleep once I got home.

I laid around for a bit until I started to feel really hungry, and I got out to pick up a McGriddle myself. I noticed Kevin’s truck outside AT&T on the way, so I drove around and ate my breakfast in the parking lot and then went in to find him. He was busy for a bit, so I talked with the other Kevin for a bit, which gave me a chance to catch up a bit with both of them. Hope eventually found her way out and saw me too. When I told Kevin I was looking for work, he turned me on to a friend of his that was looking for someone, but the job wouldn’t pay quite as much as what I was making. He figured some income was better than no income though.

After a little while they were still dead, so Kevin wanted to drive the Model 3 again. We drove out toward Pottsville, and then up Old Cove Road to return the back way. By the time we got back, they were pretty busy and I decided to head on home.

I fired off another message, this time to Mark’s winning counsel. Hopefully I hear back from literally anyone, but it seems like nobody’s hurting for work enough to talk to me so far. I feel confident enough in my own case, but would still prefer someone with a little more skin in the game.

When lunch time rolled around, I went back out and picked up a burger and some cheese sticks from Sonic for two bucks. I was annoyed when I made it home and realized there was no marinara, but I made it work. The burger was too saucy anyway, so I guess that made up for it.

It had been cool all morning, so I decided I really wanted Summer to come over and sit quietly by a fire with me for a while. The stress of not working or having any real schedule was still getting to me, and I just wanted some quiet time to relax with her. I started a fire and then took a shower, but then I had to get Eaddie from school since Autumn was running around getting her nails done for prom.

Summer had arrived home from work just as we got home, so I got her charging and then we went right out to the fire. Eaddie left on her bicycle and we never saw her again. Summer brought some smoked sausages to cook, and even Bác Vân decided she’d eat one. Autumn came over to eat before eventually leaving to pick up Eaddie and take her home. Summer and I wound down by the fire, and got everything put away after it got dark. We saw a couple little toads hopping around, but the bugs started to come out as well. Once we got inside, it was pretty quick to sleep for her. I was still exhausted as well, so I didn’t dawdle.

Just apply more.