Tag: anxiety

Uncategorised

Bratty Satty

I woke up in an anxiety attack this morning and had a headache for most of the morning. I tried to get moving on something productive, but I just felt off for most of the day. I grilled some brats for lunch before Eaddie left to go to Eli’s for his birthday. Then I was going to clean the carpet in the small office nook by the bedroom while Summer went to get her hair trimmed, but then Dad wanted to come by and take a look at the old refrigerator.

We got the parts out, but couldn’t really test that they were bad. Based on the behavior of the compressor trying to kick on, I ordered a new start relay. After that, I finally got started on the carpets, very slowly. Then Summer got hungry and wanted Little Caesar’s, so she picked that up while I finished the carpet.

The night seemed to go by really quickly. I soaked in a bath for a while just to try and refresh myself before bed. Eaddie got home late, and Summer was already in bed. I tried not to stay up too late because I figured I had a whole weekend to make up on Sunday.

Back in the day, we had to browse the internet by candlelight!

Uncategorised

79% Deployed

Today was another relatively dull day of scattered students coming in for Chromebooks. We did get down to the elementary for a bit, so I was glad to close out some of those work orders. At one point I had a pretty bad anxiety attack. My vision went dark, and I got super dizzy and sweaty really fast. It took me a little while to shake that one off.

I finally got an answer from Entergy, but not the one I was looking for. I suppose it will let me focus on the school a little harder, but it was disappointing all the same. Summer said Splash was hiring for another IT person, but that work sounds very entry-level with nowhere to go.

I stopped by Casey’s after work, but they didn’t have the coffee I wanted, so I continued home to clean up a bit. Mom had some phở to clean up, so I ran across town to eat and then chatted with them for a bit before heading up to Summer’s.

Eaddie helped me fill out the family calendar with all of her band events, and I went through the house baiting for ants again. Then it was off to bed.

So close, yet so far.

Uncategorised

Too Many Things

The crack slowly creeped past the center of my windshield throughout the course of the day. I stopped at Burger King for breakfast, ate mine in the car, and then gave Kim my spare biscuit when I got there. I didn’t really look at work orders at all today, and tried to get carts loaded instead. I loaded four, but then didn’t even finish wiring one more because it didn’t have any cable management. I just kept chugging along as Kim was in and out at random, working about how a paraprofessional would.

The roofers finally came by to fix my roof, but had trouble understanding my English through the doorbell. Luckily Dad came over and got them sorted, and now I have a (hopefully) waterproof roof again. I ended the day by enrolling about as many Chromebooks as I think she’s done all week. I hoped I was mistaken, but I probably wasn’t. Then I raced home to stop by my parents’ house and prompt them for our final walkthrough at the new house.

Summer and Eaddie met Alisha there first, and Julie and Kevin showed up just before we did. Mom didn’t have much nice to say, but I didn’t expect her to. She doesn’t look for the same things in a lodging as I do. Julie kept repeating that we should paint, and I struggled to get my point across that no matter how many times she said it, we wouldn’t just magically find more money to do it while it’s convenient.

As soon as we left, we had to go to the high school for Eaddie’s open house. We went through the main office so I could say hi to Erica, and then I lost the girls when I stopped at the library to see Amber. I spoke with Jazz for a bit while I was looking for them, and then caught up briefly with Ethan right before I finally ran into them in the hall again. I joined them as they finished visiting the last of her classes, and then we headed on home.

Melissa had called earlier in the day to prompt me for the closing process tomorrow. For some reason I assumed that after all the money I was paying them, and all the information they were able to obtain about my assets at other institutions, they could do some magic bank bullshit and just get the required funds themselves, but evidently they want a cashier’s check. Of course that wouldn’t be possible with my savings account, so I had to come up with a way to get access to a whole bunch of money. I finally realized that a transfer of $15,000 or less from Discover to Arvest would only take one day to deliver, so I rolled the dice and we’ll see what happens by noon tomorrow. If we don’t close, we don’t close. The only thing I hate more than lawyers are banks.

I picked up some Taco John’s on the way to Summer’s, and then tried to relax in the quiet dark of the bedroom after I finished eating. Hopefully I’ll be super productive working from home in the morning before closing time.

Last call!

Uncategorised

The Crocodile in the Room

I switched back to five day weeks today, just because I assumed I was supposed to. I took the opportunity to sleep in just a few short minutes, but then still had to get to work before eight. I didn’t have enough time to stop for coffee, but luckily they had breakfast for us with some coffee and an assortment of other drinks as well. I ate in the cafeteria by myself with my laptop, though I could have just as easily taken it to my office. Then I took my things to the auditorium where I ended up having to loan my laptop to the superintendent and anyone else that wanted to present, because the ancient laptop they had for the stage was just a piece of junk.

I was on stage to help for just a bit, and then spent the rest of his speech in the sound booth upstairs. I came down afterward and spent some time in my office through lunch, when they brought an assortment of Subway sandwiches. They weren’t bad, especially for free.

Blake came and prompted me after lunch so I could go present after him. I don’t know if anyone really expected me to have a presentation ready, but I did my best to put one together in a very short period of time. I thought I could go into it confidently, but of course I started melting as soon as I was on the spot. It actually went reasonably well, with teachers nodding in approval as I called the district out for their lack of accountability when handling students with devices. I tried to signal that administration would have our backs in the future, specifically so it would be solely on them if the failings continued into my watch.

The afternoon was a bit more loose, and Kim disappeared for a while. I’ve been disappointed that she’s just been waiting for me to start wiring carts, but it’s on me for not leading by example already. There’s just so much that she can’t do, and yet she’s waiting for me to help with the things she should be able to do.

I still left a little late, but not much over a full day. I went home and fixed my garage door sensor, which broke off of the wall when I manually opened the door yesterday. Luckily I found the two sharp screws in the driveway and under my tire, not having punctured anything. As soon as that was back together, I headed up to Summer’s where she and Eaddie had dinner waiting.

Summer has been trying to use up some of the food we’ve had in the freezer for a long time, and this time she boiled a bunch of chicken thighs for tacos. I tried to be positive, but was immediately disgusted by the sight and the taste of it all. I had two tacos and then tried to stop, but gave in to one more after feeling angry and hungry. After all of the cooking shows, the best she could do was boil chicken, and then throw out the liquid that would have actually made decent broth. I took a moment to cool down, and then talked to her about it afterward. I appreciated the gesture, but grew tired of the spectacular failures.

Later on, Eaddie and I went to Freddy’s to pick up some free custard for National Frozen Custard Day. I was a little skittish at first to place three free orders, but of course none of the minimum wage employees cared enough to even acknowledge our arrival. We scooped up our custards from the freezer and left.

I ate two bites and put the rest away, deathly afraid of what the dairy would do to my insides. The girls wound down quickly, and then we were all off to bed.

…with gently smiling jaws!

Uncategorised

Where’d Y’all Brang Us?

I was a little worried that he hadn’t emailed us back yet by this morning, so I sent a text to Nick, the home inspector that Lelan recommended. Summer made breakfast again, but I was a little frustrated that she burned my Petit Jean bacon in the oven, and then let the bacon sit in the grease-filled pan after she took it out of the oven. She said they were out of paper towels, so we couldn’t soak it up with anything and it just made my stomach hurt.

I poked around a little bit, and then went home for a few hours. I took a shower and had a really bad anxiety attack that lasted quite a while. I had to open the shower door to breathe some cooler air, and my ears started ringing really badly.

I eventually made it back to their house after they had gone out into town for a bit themselves. Eaddie was going to see Barbie with some friends, so she wouldn’t be joining us at Brangus for Julie’s birthday dinner. We dropped her off a little early or the movie, and then arrived at the restaurant just moments after my parents, Julie, and Kevin showed up.

Dinner was good, and we stood around to talk for a bit afterward. When Julie and Kevin left, the rest of us went by my house so Mom could check out Bác Vân’s garden, and so I could give Dad some old bug spray I had. I took a small handful of peaches, and then we went across town to get Eaddie. We had a little bit of time to kill, so we drove down Sherwood just to check the place out at night. Then we waited in the UEC parking lot for Eaddie.

We headed straight to the house, and the girls went to their rooms. I was way more tired than I expected, so even I took the opportunity to crash early.

Peaches peaches peaches peaches peaches.

Uncategorised

What’s the Sitch?

I was sleeping pretty heavily when my alarm went off this morning, but I made it home and to work on time. I felt like I had spent more time away from work than actually working since I started, but it has just been such a weird time of year to start. I couldn’t imagine starting without any prior school experience. Kim showed up a couple hours in, and hung out with me for the day. We took a walk out to the agri building to check out a malfunctioning vape detector, and then out to the elementary to patch some cables in at the switch.

Otherwise it was really quiet at the office. Kim sorted through some old laptops that had been set aside for repairs, and I did my best not to get too distracted with anything for too long. By quitting time it was dead silent in the building, and I headed straight home to change and hopefully find something to eat. My parents had met the insurance adjustor at my house earlier in the afternoon, and I was anxious to get some repairs moving.

Just as I was walking out to head up to Summer’s, my parents stopped in and asked if we wanted to go out for dinner. Eaddie had gone to Greenbrier with Summer in the afternoon, and they weren’t that hungry after having lunch earlier in the day. We went to Western Sizzlin, and the food on the bar was fairly dry and of poor quality. The service wasn’t much better, but I did my best to make up for it in quantity.

After dinner, I found the girls laying in bed watching TV. Eaddie reluctantly gave up my spot in bed and I watched TV with Summer for a little while, and eventually made it to bed after a slow-rolling anxiety attack.

Dizzying

Uncategorised

Let’s Get Nuts

I woke Eaddie up on my way out this morning, and she got right up and got ready to go. I was so happy that she spent the whole day with me, and we had a pretty good time. She’s been such an incredible support for me the past few days. I went home and took a shower, and came back to get her for a movie. I brought some Taco John’s and an order of cheese curds from Freddy’s, and we ate before we left. We made it to UEC a little later than I wanted because I got caught up responding to a work email, but fortunately The Flash was showing in two different auditoriums, and the showing on the larger screen didn’t start until half an hour later, which gave us plenty of time to find a seat. We just shared a kid’s snack box since we had just eaten lunch.

I thought the movie was pretty decent. It definitely wasn’t as epic as some of the trailers made it look, but it was a reasonably good movie for the DC Universe. The CG really was pretty awful, like a direct-to-DVD movie, but the story was decent. It didn’t tie meaningfully into the other DC movies much, other than for some cameos, but it was a fun watch nonetheless.

Afterward, we stopped by Superfast to check on Summer, who was just leaving for the gym. Justin topped off my washer fluid, and then I took Eaddie home for a little bit to relax before we left again to go to Walmart for an air filter for their air conditioner. Then we stopped by Walgreens to pick up an online order I placed last night for some sodas, and finally made it to my parents’ house.

Uncle Mai had arrived with “Connie” and Daniel, so we got to meet them for the first time since I was a baby. Uncle Mai tried showing us a card trick that didn’t quite work out, and then I showed him my magic “car” trick. Summer met us there and I warmed up leftovers for both of the girls and then myself while everyone visited. Julie and Kevin came over briefly, but then left to go fly over the house to wave at everyone. Uncle Mai was excited by the pair of Teslas in the driveway, so I had Summer pick him up and take his picture with us.

Uncle Giao, Erica, and Nova showed up late, after everyone had left to visit Bác Vân’s house. I left to find clothes for the funeral, and then made it up to Summer’s for the evening where both of the girls were already in bed. Eaddie even had the lights out, which was unusual. I trimmed the washable air filter I purchased, and swapped it for the super gross one in the air handler. Then I chatted with Johnny for a little bit since he had called me while we were at the movies, before finally making it to bed.

They’re a reminder of your history.

Uncategorised

Rugs, Not Drugs

I woke up about 15 minutes before my alarm and headed home this morning. I was still exhausted, but I just wake up early like that now, without enough time to go back to sleep. I took a bit of a long shower though, and made it to work at what I would consider “just on time.” I tried cleaning up some old emails and tasks, which at one point included going down to the Elementary to collect copier serial numbers.

I had taco soup for lunch from the cafeteria, and spent some time in the afternoon placing stickers, and even went out to Plainview by myself. It was really the first time I went out into the buildings alone, and it was an even mix of people recognizing who I was, and others that had no clue.

Dad met the restoration guys at my house again, and they cut some drywall out and found a termite nest, along with a bunch of wet insulation in the wall under the window. I never recognized any leakage, but I guess that’s what they were going with. I’d almost suspect the outside water faucet. I overheard one of the guys on the security camera while he was talking to someone on the phone, and he kept repeating that I had a Tesla, and said he was pretty sure I was a drug dealer.

When I made it home, I changed and went to my parents’ house to discuss plans for the house. Mom made a great point that insurance may pay to re-carpet the entire area since it was all one solid style that wouldn’t match otherwise. That made enough sense to me that I felt a little better about it.

I headed back home, looping around to try and see any tree damage on Brody’s new, old house. There wasn’t anything broken that I could see from the road. I made it home to swap vehicles, and headed up to Summer’s for the evening. There, I scrubbed through camera footage to find clips of the restoration guys taking pictures of my motorcycles, the Tesla Wall Connector, and even telling another guy to come take a look at the hoarder house, but to carry a fan in so it wouldn’t look suspicious. I did not at all feel good about them being in my home, but it’s blue collar work. All I could do was hope they were only looky-loos.

Seriously, they start at less than $35,000 if you get the tax credit.

Uncategorised

Told Me So

The steady tone of the storm sirens confused me this morning. I didn’t even identify it as an alarm, and tried to go back to sleep. It wasn’t until I felt Summer moving around that I realized it was a weather alert. She said a tornado was confirmed in Knoxville, but all we heard was thunder and heavy rain. Eaddie woke up and crawled into bed with us, and I held onto her for an hour or so while she chatted nervously about the weather. Once it all calmed down, she went back to her room and we were all able to get back to sleep.

When I finally woke up for the morning, I started making some biscuits and bacon for breakfast. Summer came in and made eggs and corned beef hash, and the three of us sat down to eat together before we had to take Eaddie to band camp. She had been super excited about it for a while, so I wanted to go with Summer to drop her off.

There was debris everywhere, and we could see several branches down all the way to Tech. Trash can lids littered the campus, and lots of things were just knocked over. Eaddie hit the ground running as she encountered a bunch of friends that were excited to see her. Summer took me back to the house, and I left for home.

As soon as I got to my house, I peered around back to see if there was any damage. Then I saw some limbs down in the front yard. That was when I spotted a huge branch sticking straight up out of my roof like a lawn dart. I went inside to investigate, and it had gone down through the roof and into the wall of the front bedroom. It looked like it very easily could have gone into the bathroom, but it didn’t. Water was steadily dripping down onto Eaddie’s bed, and of course the paperwork I had scattered everywhere waiting to be put away was completely soaked.

I texted Dad for some help with a chainsaw, and had Summer come over as soon as she could. I started moving things out of the bedroom, and then Dad and Summer went up onto the roof to cut the branch up and remove it from the roof. As soon as it was removed, the water stopped actively dripping into the house. Luckily it didn’t rain again during the day, but we didn’t get to watch The Flash in IMAX like I had planned. I spent the entire day with my carpet cleaner, and sucked about five gallons of water out of the carpet instead.

The highlight of the day was hearing that Eaddie had made first band, first chair at camp. As my water extraction project slowed down, I took a shower and headed toward Summer’s for the evening. I picked up some Zaxby’s for dinner, where I ran into Allen and Charlotte. We chatted for a bit, and then I continued up to Summer to share our dinner. She was already in bed, and returned to it as soon as she finished eating. I ached absolutely everywhere, and tried my best to get to bed early.

Stupid me-tree.

Uncategorised

Sent Packing

Summer had to work a long day today. I slept in a little bit, but had to get home to do some laundry for our trip. Eaddie slept a couple hours later than I wanted her to, but it sprinkled on and off, so she had to mow in the dry periods. I cleaned up a bunch of leftovers, and once she finished the yard, I headed home.

The day went by relatively quickly. I got my laundry done and took a shower, but then I had to take Eaddie to Pasta Grill to meet some band friends to celebrate Kim’s retirement. I circled around to my parents’ house from there so I could visit before our trip. I ended up having dinner there, and Dad showed me the landscaping they had done.

I left their house to pick up Eaddie, but she decided she wanted to go to the movies instead. I went home and got caught up in deciding which vehicle to take to D.C. The Murano would be really straightforward, but I kept thinking the Autopilot on the Model Y would make the drive so much less exhausting. We’d have to stop a little more frequently and for longer, but driving for three hours at a time seemed like long enough for me anyway.

Summer stopped by after she finally got home from work, and I cleared up some confusion about the hotel. I couldn’t figure out how she booked the one she did, but it was twice the distance from the University of Maryland as the one that was actually advertised on the National History Day website. I booked the correct hotel and cancelled her reservation, and then we went outside to compare vehicles.

She went on home, but then I followed because Eaddie was on the way home from the movies. We needed to make sure her project would fit in the trunk, and it did, so we loaded it up and then I headed back home to charge and pack.

I didn’t get to bed until a couple hours later than I wanted, but I felt fairly confident that I had packed everything I should need for such a long trip. In reality, I was sure that I still overpacked, but travel makes me highly anxious.

It’s easier to unpack and repack than to do the Tesla Shuffle.