Tag: anxiety

Uncategorised

Suck It Up

We ran a little late today, but not enough to matter. Between the pain in my elbow and my head cold, I wasn’t worth a whole lot. I did at least manage to bring my OneWheel to send along with our UPS pickup. We had a quick peck at Sonic and made it back for a long afternoon.

Summer had met the TCW tech to fix our fiber, so internet was back up at the house and everyone was there to celebrate. Eaddie and Eli practiced stuff with notes while Summer bathed. I cleaned up an assortment of leftovers and started a load of laundry before getting to vacuuming as quickly as I could.

I extracted canister after canister of the finest powdered dust, as though someone had dumped a bag of flour all over the living room. There would be occasional bits of hair or fuzz, but it was almost entirely the broken down insulation dust. I completed less than a quarter of the room, and I’m sure I’ll still have to go over it several more times. I had a pretty bad anxiety attack near the end that had me in a daze for a while.

McMonopoly looms.

Uncategorised

Time Goes By…

We had an excellent biscuit and hashbrowns from Burger King this morning. We got out of the house a little bit late, but there was a thick line of fast traffic that carried us to work. I had an anxiety attack fairly early, but otherwise had a fairly busy day with some decent productivity. I had to leave early, so I tried to take a short lunch to make up for it. We went by Sonic for a chili cheese coney and Frito chili cheese wrap, and a guy I had never seen before came out and commented that I was starting to be a regular. I laughed and mentioned they were one of the few places I could take my dog.

Lunch was cheap and fast, so I let Muad’Dib run around outside before we went in. For some reason he took off down the side of the building, and by the time I got around the corner, he had gone in the back door. Luckily he found some guys by their breakroom that happened to be looking for me. We went in to talk to Rhonda, and suddenly I had another project.

Just as I was getting ready to leave, I got a call from Aptean support, who wanted to remote in and help Heaven set up printing. I ran downstairs quickly to take care of that, and then booked it home. Fortunately we got to the post office with plenty of time, I got my vacuumc leaner, and then changed clothes at the house before riding the Onewheel with Muad’Dib to see Dad.

I got an email late last night offering $300 cash for a video of the Dreame robotic pool skimmer, which I reviewed extremely poorly, failing to perform its task. They didn’t send me any specifics about what they wanted, so I thought we’d just try to set up a time lapse video. When we got to their house, Dad was gone, so we started to leave before we encountered him near the end of the road. We turned around and learned that he was repairing a water leak under the house, but he had already set up his phone to record a time lapse from the end of the pool. I set mine up in the middle to get a better view of the length, and let it record through dinner.

Mom got home and we ate some chicken wings, and then Muad’Dib and I finished our run before dark. It was a great night for a ride in the cooler air. Summer was home when we got there, and we caught up a bit before I started unboxing Vine stuff, and eventually made it to bed.

…So Slowly

Uncategorised

So Much for

Today was kind of rough. I got up and made some rice to go with some of the leftovers we had. Summer came in from her porch coffee and just had a look about her. I broke down a ton of old boxes I had been keeping to help with moving from the other house since I seem to be out of control of everything now.

I did some more reviews, cleaned up some stuff, and hoped to maybe take the girls out for a nice dinner. The day went by pretty quickly and we never got our heads together to rearrange the living room. Summer helped Eaddie with some homework and I had an anxiety attack before I eventually convinced them to go for dinner. Of course I wouldn’t learn until after we got our food at Sam’s that neither of them were very hungry.

I decided to try their surf and turf at the recommendation of our waitress, and it came out quite a bit later than the girls’ food. It looked really good, but the aside from the color of the inside, the steak itself was bland and tough. It was served on a massive pile of soggy, grilled onions. My hushpuppies were practically burned, and were like chewing a mouthful of dry cornmeal. All the while, the girls spent the entire time complaining about Eaddie’s friend and how she shares more than a name with her sister.

We got back to the house and I took Muad’Dib for a run. I forgot his treat pouch, so we had to run back for that. We passed by a house where a couple were working outside, and the girl asked if I was a professional dog trainer. I shared our story, because apparently I love to do that. Then we made it over to see Dad before rushing home as it got dark.

Summer had to go in for a work meeting and didn’t get back until a little bit later. I gave Muad’Dib a bath since he splashed in some water in the street gutter. Then I discovered our garbage disposal had a small leak under the sink, so that will be a problem for another day. Eli came over to visit with Eaddie for quite a while, and I went to bed.

anything

Uncategorised

Bark Back

We had enough time for Burger King again, but got to work and had a surprise staff meeting. I had plenty of time, but I wasn’t sure why it wasn’t on my calendar. It may not have been on anyone’s, and they just didn’t tell me. It was a reasonably short one though, and helped the morning along. I stayed pretty busy all day. One of the guys came up from the plant, and Muad’Dib didn’t like something he heard, because he let out a singular, loud bark in Tyler’s office.

I let him outside to run around after he whined at me, and he took off like a bolt. I don’t know what gets into him when he’s like that, but he just had wild eyes. I took him over to the grassy area on the side of the building, and then we went back in until lunch.

Sonic had a deal on chili cheese coneys, so we went there for lunch. He got his own, but I only let him eat about half in case it could make him sick. McDonald’s had 50 cent double cheeseburgers, so we got one of those on the way back to the office for the afternoon. I ended up having another flash of feeling like I was going to feint, and my blood pressure was super high. I didn’t take any meds though, and instead opted to monitor my blood pressure for a while. It went down very slightly, but at least didn’t keep trending upward.

At the end of the day, I was getting things ready to leave when Muad’Dib started wimpering again. Fortunately everyone was gone, because he barked loudly at me again when I teased him. He’s never been vocal like that, so I don’t know what got into him. There was a chance of some rain, so we got home and I immediately took him out for a run.

As we made it through the neighborhood, we passed Grant’s parents’ house. Lucy was in the pen with the other dogs, but jumped over the top of the fence and met us on the other side of the wooded area. Muad’Dib did a great job of running to her to get her attention, and then she would usually follow him back to me. It took some running around the block, but we finally got her back into their back yard. We stopped to see Dad, but had to leave quickly as the sprinkles slowly increased.

Summer had been home a while, but was busy working on her laptop in the bedroom. I finished up the leftover salad and unboxed some stuff before winding down for bed. Summer needed soda water, so I got all of those filled up and then had another quick anxiety attack before going to sleep.

Assert your dominance.

Uncategorised

In Like Venn

I finally felt like I was “getting” some stuff today, and maybe even found some strengths in what I’m doing at work. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster between feeling underqualified, overqualified, and downright confused by the strange overlap between my predecessor and myself. Today was a decent day though.

We took a late lunch and sat on a rock outside Arby’s. I was disappointed in how unloaded the Loaded Italian was, but it tasted good. Afterward, we went to Sonic for some mozzarella sticks, and the girl that delivered our food offered a pup cup. She was so excited when I let her feed him herself, too, and he got lots of pets.

I guess the salt got to me, because my blood pressure spiked when we got back to the office. I didn’t feel bad, but I felt off just enough to tell, and ended up taking a clonidine to try and chill out. I never saw a drop, but I felt a little better for it.

Summer was working late again, so we stopped to see her when we got into town. She spent the entire time on the phone, and we almost just left, but she eventually hung up long enough to say hello. We went for a run shortly after that because it looked like a storm was coming. We heard lots of thunder, but only got a couple sprinkles.

My parents were trying to figure out dinner, so I stayed for some rice and egg with RO*TEL and a bit of dried turkey. It was pretty dark by the time we left, and we had caught another rat when we got to the house, so we had to take it to Washburn Park. Eaddie was out until I was ready for bed, and all I could do was leave a light on for Summer. Of course the evening wouldn’t have been complete without an anxiety attack.

Jailbreak!

Uncategorised

Frog Went a-Jumpin’ and He Did Ride Onewheel

We skipped breakfast this morning but had some coffee at the office. I felt busier, but it was still quiet, and that may just be the nature of the place for me. That would be swell. I did have an anxiety attack pretty early in the day that rattled me pretty hard, but as usual it was gone within seconds. I had to go downstairs a couple of times, and I was helpful both times, which was great.

I forgot Muad’Dib’s lunch, but we went to Taco Bell and I shared some of my burrito. While we were there, an older couple came up with three small, well-groomed dogs to eat at the other table. I chatted with the lady while the gentleman went in for food. I was super proud of Muad’Dib for his behavior – especially when I asked if I could leave him outside while I went in for a refill and to throw away our trash. I had him sit and stay, and he didn’t move a muscle the entire time I was inside. I almost couldn’t believe it.

Summer was going to be working until one in the morning, so we were on our own all evening. Diana wanted to chat, so I called her on our way home. Then we stopped to see Summer at the wash. I took the opportunity to vacuum my car, and then took it to the quarter wash for a 75-cent job. We got to the house and I got a call from Kyle from Hydro Carpet Solutions. He quoted $150 to clean the carpets and the sofa, which was significantly less than I expected. His first availability wasn’t until Friday evening, and I was surprised to hear that he worked that late, but he got us on the schedule.

Eaddie was gone, so I took Muad’Dib to pick up some Popeye’s to take to Summer. It took over half an hour to get our food from the time I played the order, but after a surprisingly bad experience with everyone I spoke to, the guy that bagged my order actually hooked us up with a little bit of extra food. We made it to the wash and saw the crew that was there to help with the deep clean. They were all excited to see Muad’Dib, and upon learning his name, one of the guys said he had that tattoo. He pulled out his phone and showed me a picture of his black and white, realistic style mouse.

We ate, Summer gave away what was left before I finished eating, and then Muad’Dib and I went back to the house for a quick run in the dark. When we got to the basin, a frog jumped at my path on the Onewheel. I swerved to try and miss it, but wasn’t sure of its fate until I felt it jump off of my foot a moment later. I was glad it survived. We stopped to see my parents just briefly, then got to the house to find Eaddie locked away in her room. Finally, bed.

Does this make me Shai-Hulud?

Uncategorised

Build Me Up

I had to go downstairs to help Peyton and Heaven with some stuff this morning, and Muad’Dib snuck downstairs with Janice. Then he started being rowdy around us, and I had to take him outside to burn off some energy. It must have been the smell of the other dog that got him wound up so tight, because he ran around a bunch, and then came inside and tried to do it some more. I ended up taking him back outside and putting him on a short leash the rest of the day. He knew he was in trouble.

I went to McDonald’s for lunch and made him wait in the car. Service was expectedly terrible, and I got a guy “in trouble” for going behind the counter to get his own drink cup when nobody responded to his cries for help, but my food was okay. Then Shane put me on the spot in the afternoon when his new girl couldn’t enroll her laptop in Intune due to a licensing issue. Fortunately I was able to figure that one out pretty quickly.

Eaddie had her first ballgame in the evening, so I ran home to change and pretty immediately got picked up by Summer to go to Tech. We were super early, found seats, went back out of the stadium and found Eli’s family, and waited outside with them as the band marched up, played, then went inside and played a pregame show. I thought we might leave for food during the game and come back for halftime, but we stayed.

I tried to play Don’t Starve on my phone, but couldn’t do much because it was hard to see and the touch screen controls were terrible. I did get most of my map plotted though. Halftime was super short, and Dardanelle came to play with Tech for some reason, so we actually only got to hear a couple pieces from Eaddie’s set. Then we headed home to crash.

I had an anxiety attack in the kitchen trying to track down whether the kids had brought in a package. If they didn’t, then we’ve got a package thief.

Let me down.

Uncategorised

Stay.

I went to bed super early with my feet up, and woke up just before my alarm. That got me out the door without a rush, and we made it to Morrilton before I decided to stop in at Wendy’s for some breakfast for a change. They weren’t in much of a hurry, so I got to work around the same time as usual. I got in and tinkered with PRTG and the PLCs some more, but didn’t really make any meaningful progress.

I actually ate my breakfast slowly throughout the morning since I had such a tall cup of coffee, so we went to lunch really late. It was nice out again, so we went to Taco Bell and shared a box. I was really proud of Muad’Dib for listening when I told him to stay at the table outside. He actually laid down and waited while I went in a couple of times.

When we got back to the office, Shane was there and asked for a laptop and an account, but didn’t have any details. I went upstairs and Teisha at least got me information on the account, and I spent the afternoon trying to wipe a couple of laptops. The whole process was way slower than traditional offline imaging, so I may end up using a flash drive with bootable media in the future if this becomes a habit.

As I sat there, I started to spin a bit as I felt my heart race and my blood pressure rise. I ended up taking a clonidine pretty quickly and rode things out, but I couldn’t really tell why I spiked. Caffeine and sugar? Salty foods? Stress from work? I alerted Teisha just in case, but I leveled off after a while.

Mom was making bún bò Huế for dinner, so we got back to town and waited for Summer to get home, and then I ran over with Muad’Dib while Summer drove. Along with cooler days are earlier sunsets, so Muad’Dib and I had to hurry and get the rest of his run in. He did not hurry. He made me proud with his obedience, and then immediately frustrated me with his whimsy. At some point I stepped in some poop, presumably of his, and may have tracked some into the house, so I cleaned the floors just in case.

Eaddie called just as we were finishing our run, and put me on the phone with Shaana. They wanted to add Eaddie to their family plan since Eli got a new iPad and they were giving Eaddie his old one. Eaddie’s Apple account has always been a frustration because their father had it set up at an AT&T store, and we never actually had any control over the girls’ accounts. I wanted Eaddie to figure out her own account and manage it herself since she was old enough, but she’ll just continue to ride along whoever will take care of her, and that’s a disappointment.

I had an anxiety attack while head-down in some Vine stuff, and then tried to wind down quickly to get as much sleep as the night before.

I don’t know what’s next either, but I have a pocket full of stones and a reckless kind of hope.

Uncategorised

I’ve Got the Sheets

I grabbed my leftover breakfast burrito and hit the road surprisingly early this morning, so I stopped at Burger King for a coffee and some free hash browns to share with Muad’Dib. I called Dad once I got to work, while he was at the house with Adam. Dad agreed that the joint in the ceiling looked worse than before, but Adam said the best he could do was float the mud joint out more. I just wanted to get over it, so Dad paid him off.

I got pulled away from more IT-centric tasks when Shane called and asked me to update some products in HubSpot. I worked on it a bit, but had to take a break for lunch because Muad’Dib kept pawing at me more and more. We went to Taco Bell again so we could sit outside while it was nice. It got surprisingly windy while we were out there, but we made it work. I may eventually start taking food back to work and eating at the picnic tables in the smoking area, because it’s at least sheltered by a field that Muad’Dib can use to burn off some energy.

The afternoon was for importing products and trying to combine the multiple cost sheets into something I could try and automate for importing in the future. Near the end of the day, Muad’Dib started throwing up in Janice’s office. It was just liquid, but he didn’t act sick otherwise. Even afterward, he ran around the office a bit.

I had an anxiety attack just before we walked out, and then we grabbed a couple slushies on the way home. Summer had beat us by a couple hours and was having a bath. The kids were in and out. I had my board charged up to 100%, so we went for a ride to try and repeat the failure.

I was going to let Muad’Dib take a dip in the creek, but he got down to eat some grass and then threw up some more. I couldn’t tell for sure, but it looked like maybe he got some rawhide out, which would explain his lack of appetite for the last day and a half. When we got to my parents’ house, Mom said they still had meat for spring rolls that needed to be eaten, so I cooked some of that and ate at the counter. It was dark by the time we left, and we made laps near the house to see if I could get the board to fail, but it never did. Muad’Dib ran his little heart out and had a great time in the dark.

As soon as we got inside, I gave him a really good fleabath, followed by a good scrubbing. He lost a ton of hair and came out super fluffy and happy. The girls went to bed early for Conquer the Gauntlet. I mentioned going with them, and Summer didn’t seem excited by that at all.

Pick your poisons.

Uncategorised

Aweem Away

Summer never got her work stuff out of my trunk, so she asked me to drop it off for her on my way to work. I did that as quickly as I could, then picked up some spicy chicken biscuits from Hardee’s on the way out of town. It was a bit wet out, but I couldn’t tell that we really got any more rain the rest of the day.

I finally got into Brandon’s old Vimeo account to cancel the subscription he forgot to cancel. Then Charles and Matt were saved by my superior/existent network documentation. I had a fairly heavy anxiety attack at some point.

Dad said they should be able to finish the house tomorrow, so I got the okay to leave work early and then work remotely the next day. Summer was supposed to be off early too, but got stuck again. The guys were packing up just as I got home.

Mom said they still had spring rolls, and Julie and Kevin were coming over, so I took Muad’Dib over too. Dad suggested I take a dip in the super cold pool to try and wash off some of the dog before coming inside to eat, but I couldn’t stay in for long. Mom got everyone going and then disappeared to the back of the house, but we had a good visit otherwise.

After dinner, I took Muad’Dib on a surprisingly short and slow walk. I thought he’d run harder with the cooler weather, but he just wanted to lollygag. Summer was in bed, so she wouldn’t get up to inspect the ceiling work with me. I had some wine and crashed a couple hours early.

Seek differing opinions. The fact that they’re haters doesn’t make them wrong.