Tag: anxiety

Uncategorised

²

It was damp out today, and slightly drizzly, but not too gross. There was a truck off the side of the road going the other direciton just as we got to Morrilton, and we could see traffic backed up from there. Things were quiet for me, and I tried to replicate my focus from yesterday. I did fairly well, but everything I was doing led me back to square one. I just need to decide whether to spin up a new DC and go hybrid, or pay for more cloud services.

When lunch came around, we went to McDonald’s for a McRib. After waiting a while, they came out and said they weren’t selling it any more, and offered to make me something else. I forgot how pitiful the McCrispy was, and got that. It tasted fine, but was just a small, sad sandwich. I ended up redeeming points for some McNuggets before I left.

A little while later, I had an anxiety attack at work. I wish I had a better way to track this along with some vitals from my peripherals, and I’m surprised there isn’t an app for that. The rest of the afternoon went by kind of slowly, and I was alone upstairs for much of it.

The ride home was quiet and fast. My parents were making egg rolls again, so I ran over with Muad’Dib. Summer was already in the shower when we got to the house, so she met us over there when she was done. Julie and Kevin showed up, and I got a little spun up as we were starting to put food together. I felt like my heart was racing and I felt a little dazed, but I think Julie’s aggressive loudness just had my blood pressure up, so I just had to relax and let it pass.

We all actually sat together and ate together for once, which was nice. Muad’Dib did a wonderful job sitting in the laundry room, and we had a good run back to the house afterward. My heartrate was about the same as it was during my episode and I felt fine, so I’m sticking with blood pressure with a side of dehydration since I was a little bit shy on my water quota.

Eaddie and Eli were at the house watching Breaking Bad when we got there, so Summer went to bed while I wrapped up fairly early myself. I think the sleep helps, though the afternoon anxiety attack and evening daze had me a bit puzzled.

1

Uncategorised

Tracking Dog

I watched Muad’Dib’s Fi collar pretty closely this morning while Eaddie and friends took him along to Sam’s Throne for a hike. I went to work mostly excited for lunch at Ortega’s even if it would be by myself, since Summer wouldn’t have time to stop on her way back from Little Rock. I stayed fairly busy again, but still didn’t have anything material to show for it. I did learn a bit about the applications and services we use, which will help.

When lunch finally came around, I found a new starter combo that I really liked. Getting a chalupa and a tostada first gave me a crispy meat and bean “hamburger” with lots of guacamole and sour cream that could be eaten with whatever else I got. The chicken was great today too.

The afternoon came and went, and I walked out just a couple minutes late. Muad’Dib was outside when I got to the house, so I let him in and we went out front to check the mail. He got a wild look in his eyes and took off in circles, barely able to keep enough traction to keep from running into the car. I changed clothes and we walked out just as Summer got there, and ran to Walgreens for a prescription.

I had an anxiety attack on the way back home that made me feel super tired for the next couple hours, but we managed to go back through our entire usual route, saw my parents, and then got back to the house so I could give him a bath. It was probably the longest bath I’ve ever given him, and I pulled out a ton of fur. He still smelled like corn chips though, so I may call the vet later just to see what they say about it. He did great for the bath though, even though he didn’t love it. He just sat there and let me run back and forth for supplies, timers, and even blow drying.

Summer was asleep by the time we finished. I wrapped up quickly and went to sleep.

Fizzle

Uncategorised

No Resolutions

I had a tough time getting up for work this morning and got out of the house late, but still made it in without any trouble. The old server must have died from a power issue or something, because Heaven caught me right off the bat with an internet issue. I just need to get them off of the old domain controller.

The rest of the day was fairly focused on cleaning up the user directory for the menial task of unified email signatures. Organization on the front end would have made this a two click fix, but that is not the way of things. I had an anxiety attack somewhere along the way and contemplated tracking dates and times for those.

I had sort of been planning to go to Arby’s sometime this week, and today seemed as good a day as any. They were packed, but I found a table to eat. Joel came by in the afternoon to tell me they were cutting everyone loose at 2:30.

Eaddie was making Oreo balls with Eli when we got back to the house. Summer came home and took a bath while I took Muad’Dib on a run. I wanted to take him to PetSmart, but by the time Summer got ready and we made it to the store, they were closing up for the night. We went to Point Remove instead, and played cards over some pizza.

The kids were gone to a party when we got back to the house. I gave Muad’Dib a good bath before we went to see my parents. Mom was asleep the whole time, but we had some sparkling wine with Dad. We visited for a short while before going back to the house where the kids finished the series finale of Stranger Things. Summer went to bed and I finished the essentials.

Perpetuity

Uncategorised

Turbo Husk

The wind was still howling this morning, and it was freezing cold, but dry. The office was surprisingly quiet again, which made it difficult to get motivated. Further reading of Microsoft documentation didn’t help. I tried to pep myself up with a cup of coffee from my new portable press, but it was awful. I’ll just have to brew larger cups of those old grounds at home, and use them up.

I had an anxiety attack at some point, but I don’t recall whether it was before or after lunch. We went to McDonald’s and Sonic so Muad’Dib could have a little snack with me. I thought he’d want to run more after lunch, but he was ready to go inside. The afternoon dragged on forever until quitting time.

Eaddie was supposed to make lasagna for the second day in a row, but texted earlier to say she wasn’t going to do that. Summer had called earlier as well, to say the Murano’s power steering was going out. I was frustrated at the lack of proactive maintenance and the fact that Eaddie still hadn’t found the Pathfinder keys that she lost.

We got to the house and took a quick run, but the cold wasn’t quite as sharp. Muad’Dib took off like a rocket, and I was too hesitant on the board to try and keep up with him, but he was doing well over 20 miles an hour. We visited Dad briefly before making it back to the house. The girls got into a frustrating argument in which Eaddie got onto Summer for “having an attitude with her all day.” She and I had a talk later about how I didn’t like the connotations of that word, and I think it helped. I eventually had some leftover turkey before laying down with Muad’Dib for a little while. Summer joined us after her bath, and we quickly flipped through some Netflix as Muad’Dib started snoring heavily.

I dawdled for quite a while before joining them.

Notes on Notes on Numbers

Uncategorised

Conspire to Give

I woke up to a stomach ache this morning, presumably from the eggnog, but I think the Lactaid helped. I made breakfast bagels for Summer and myself, and had an anxiety attack somewhere in the process. Then we started packing up the Christmas tree. We stowed all of that in the attic and took down the light trees in the front yard, but we still managed to forget a couple things in the house.

Julie and I conspired to show up at my parents’ house so we could distribute the gifts we didn’t take to the airport the other day, so after my shower, I took Muad’Dib on a run over there. The girls followed in the car with the gifts, and Julie and Kevin eventually showed up. Mom had fallen asleep, and Kevin woke her up and scared the heck out of her. I didn’t realize how shy we were on Kevin’s gifts, but Dad and Julie liked theirs.

Afterward, I finished my run with Muad’Dib through cold and heavy winds while the girls went to Zaxby’s to pick up dinner. We got home and ate, and then I started some laundry and watched some Stranger Things recaps. When Eaddie came out to the living room, I moved off of YouTube and into the official Netflix recaps, and then we skimmed through a few episodes before bed.

Then the north wind blew south.

Uncategorised

Gumball

We finally had our staff meeting this morning, and I did my best to represent well. Afterward, we had a pretty boring call with more of the same from Aptean. It always feels like a sales call, promising more from their future plans. I bounced around a lot after that.

We took a really late lunch and I had my McRib. Then the afternoon was a bit slow and quiet. Summer had her company Christmas party, so we got back into town and I picked up some Taco John’s to eat before going.

I dressed Muad’Dib up in his ugly sweater and antler headpiece, and we went to attend at the lube. Summer was like a nervouos teen, hoping all of her friends would show up, and I just felt bad. Muad’Dib got a decent amount of attention, and then Summer made me play Dirty Santa with them, so I stole a gag gift to give out at my own Christmas party.

I was feeling pretty melancholy afterward, so I decided to take Muad’Dib to PetSmart again. They would be closing within minutes, so instead we stopped in the parking lot so he could go to the bathroom. Then we kind of cruised aimlessly toward home. I set the car to “chill” and let it go, without a destination. As we approached our side of town, a cop pulled behind me and lit me up. We pulled into the hospital parking lot where he informed me that my tags had expired. That didn’t make a lot of sense to me, but sure enough, they were. He let me go with a verbal warning, and I headed toward the house.

I didn’t notice, but after I walked in, Summer stopped to warn me that Autumn was there with Eaddie. It wasn’t until afterward that I noticed her text asking what I was doing and why I was avoiding coming home. It was completely loaded, because she could have sent a warning first. I immediately put my shoes back on and walked out with Muad’Dib, but she stopped me in the garage to express her own frustration at me as I trembled.

I let Muad’Dib take me for a walk through almost our entire route in reverse. We stopped at the basin and sat on a bench for a while to knock on the sky and listen to the sound. A stiff breeze came in as we eventually made our way back to the house and found our way to bed.

Unexpected, in the middle of a walking path.

Uncategorised

Deal With It

Eaddie left early this morning, dressed up for something. Summer and I had coffee and then started to reset the living room. We had an appointment to take Muad’Dib for pictures with Santa, but then Summer told me she wanted to have Autumn come over to decorate cookies and we ended up unpacking a lot of other stuff instead.

I cancelled the appointment and took a shower late, but then Eaddie and Eli came to the house and we met them at PetSmart where we could just walk up to what was one of the worst Santas I’ve ever seen. They were informal to say the least, but they gave him a little treat and snapped a couple poor pictures with my phone. Then we wandered the store for a little bit to see if Muad’Dib wanted a treat. He sniffed the bones a little bit, but all he really wanted was a guinea pig, and Summer wouldn’t let him have one. I suggested that if we got two, he could have unlimited treats for free, but that didn’t work either.

We took him outside to take a break from all the excitement for a little bit, and then we ended up going to Point Remove with the kids. We got a large charcuterie board, some drinks, and eventually a pizza. I saw Amber and Brian there for a Christmas party they were having for their runners club, and one of the ladies came down and convinced Summer to sign up for a membership or something.

Muad’Dib was perfect under the table and off the leash the whole time. I took him outside, and he was perfectly behaved the entire time. People loved his ugly sweater and Max antler. We were there for a little while because they were quite busy with a couple parties going, and seemingly very understaffed.

When we finally got back to the house, I cleaned up some more stuff to set up the living room. Summer went to bed. I wasn’t very motivated, and I couldn’t find my two longest speaker wires anyway, but I got a little bit done. Afterward I did some more reviews and had an anxiety attack before bed..

whether it’s scientific truth, or historical truth, or personal truth

Uncategorised

Croc-a-doodle Doo

We had a decent day today. I bounced between a couple things, but didn’t get really deep into anything until the afternoon. Muad’Dib has been consistently using his bed, which made me happy. We went to Arby’s to try their steak nuggets, and they were absolute garbage. I got one nugget that was on the small side of acceptable, and then two that were too small, plus some crumbs to make up the last two. They tasted like cheap, air-fried beef, and I expected more from them.

I had gotten in to some Traverse mail settings before lunch, and continued that into the afternoon. I had an anxiety attack sometime, I think after lunch, as well. Then we rode home and went on a quick run. Summer had some baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and broccoli for dinner that turned out really good, and then the girls wrapped some presents before splitting up for bed.

I was a bit scattered, but notably I accidentally hopped into a Discord voice channel with Clint and Josh for a moment and talked to them without a microphone. Then I discovered that the limited edition Microsoft Windows XP Crocs were available to the public, so I ordered a couple of those. Ebay had some that sold recently for a pretty good profit, but I won’t mind having a pair to wear and a pair to keep if the price tanks.

What a throwback between Windows XP and Command and Conquer.

Uncategorised

Salad Means Healthy

We got out the door slightly late today, but had plenty of time with a Soylent for breakfast. I dove right back into NetBox again, and struggled with Linux, but it was the workplace equivalent of fun. I had an anxiety attack just before lunch, and it seemed like it could be tied to some extra energy or blood pressure relating to trying to space out my bathroom breaks. It’s been a struggle to keep extra-hydrated just as a habit.

We went to Ortega’s for their Tuesday all-you-can-eat special, and the taco salad and chili relleno combo was just what I had dreamed of. The tamale wasn’t on their approved list, but I had the same server that gave one to me last time, and he said it was no problem. I was in and out of there quicker than McDonald’s, and at a similar cost without an app deal.

The afternoon went by fairly quickly as I made some progress with my test VM. It may become my live environment after all, since I’m not sure how excited I am to do that all over again, but at least now I have it documented.

We made it home quickly to run, then had to go to Walgreens for some prescriptions and the old house to find my old slow cooker for Summer. Muad’Dib and i hung out there for a little while trying to dig through some stuff, but then came back to the house when Summer left work.

Summer had come home during the day for another round of carpet shampooing, and it looked like he didn’t quite cover all the space I thought he would. I would have liked him to cover more of the area where the coffee table goes, and that’s what I expected, but I guess Summer wasn’t watching him. At least he mostly covered the area where the sectional pieces were covering before.

I ended the night with a bunch of reviews, but it’s getting harder now as the easier items to review have already been done. It’s crunch week.

Compress

Uncategorised

Apple Fraud

Today started out a bit better for me, but Summer got called in to work early due to having multiple people out sick. I got a message on my drive in that the scanners weren’t working, and it took me far too long to reach the conclusion of restarting the printers. It didn’t make much sense that two separate devices had the same failure complaining about the SMTP server not having enough resources, but surely as I restarted them, they immediately started working again.

At some point I got a text about a possible fraudulent charge from Apple on my Discover card, so I reached out to Eaddie and got a predictable amount of help. I wasn’t terribly worried about it, and figured I would resolve it later. At some other point, I had a quick anxiety attack that spaced me out for just a moment.

Jacob from Tesla Mobile Service showed up somewhere in the middle of all of that and cleaned the inside of my windshield in front of my cameras. The wipers still came on erroneously, but I no longer had warnings about the camera being obstructed.

I had some cheap McDonald’s for lunch, and then the afternoon was dead silent because everyone upstairs was gone. We didn’t see another soul all day, aside from following one car out of the gate. We had a relaxing drive home and then went for a quick run. I found my heated vest, so I was much more comfortable. We visited my parents, I had a little bowl of some turkey soup and scalloped potatoes, and then we continued back to the house.

Julie texted to remind me that she had a loaf of bread for us, so Muad’Dib and I rode across town to get that. We visited very briefly before heading back to the house, and I sat down with Eaddie to review some charges. There were several attempted Apple charges that I contested, and of course now I’ll have to get a new card number. It will be annoying, but was probably necessary after all three of the girls had access to that card number at some point in time.

Can’t write or rewind.