Tag: depression

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Dishpite

Summer said last night that Eaddie wanted to go to Conway with her today to shop for some pants, but Eaddie was still in bed when I woke up. She didn’t get up for a while, but was disappointed when Summer didn’t wake her. I figured it was because I expressed frustration that Eaddie never wants to shop for things when I tell her they’re on sale, but I still expected them to go.

I spent a while cleaning up the kitchen, frustrated that the girls were seemingly making as big of a mess as possible on purpose. With very little thought, all of the dirty dishes could be stacked neatly and cleanly to the left of the sink, but instead they had dirty dishes on every single flat surface in the kitchen and dining area. Summer fessed up to doing it out of her own frustration and spite, which just upset me further because they’re always calling me the mean one.

The girls ended up going out to shop locally, so I cleaned up and took the dogs for a run, which soaked my legs in sandy slush again. I either need to get myself a fender for the Onewheel, or tell Summer exactly which one I want so she can gift it to me, since she’s so adamant about wanting to gift things. It was a relatively short walk, though, and we cut through the basin trail where there were still a bunch of kids playing in the show in the distant field. We visited with Dad briefly before making it home, and Stilgar just kept wanting to go back out and play in the snow. I guess he had already trampled most of it in the backyard, and he still wanted to play in the fluff.

I cleaned up a bit and tinkered with some things around the house. The girls got home and did some laundry, and I was eventually hungry for dinner by myself since they had a late lunch together when they went shopping. I ended up driving around a little bit because I couldn’t decide on what to eat. Taco Villa was closed, so I ended up at Wendy’s. The service wasn’t great, but the food was all actually really good. I guess that’s what really mattered in the end.

Everyone wound down pretty quickly, and I tried not to mess up my sleep schedule too much. Eaddie has school tomorrow, but North Little Rock will be closed again. Essential staff are expected to work after a late start, but Summer and I both have doctor appointments tomorrow morning. I hate missing a short day, but whaddya do?

Tax Man Cometh

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Thornsday Cleanout

I was jarred awake this morning when Maggie called around eight to ask if I was coming in to work. Maybe she was worried, because I’m always there around seven, but I told them I wasn’t going back for just two days this week. I got out of bed then, since Summer had to go to work anyway. Even Eaddie got up and took a shower, but then she left with friends. I warmed up a plate of some hot turkey, twice-baked potato, and sour dressing instead of going out to eat like I had imagined all night long.

I felt pretty bad all day, and started to fall asleep in the afternoon, but made myself take a shower and take the dogs out for a long run. We caught my parents just as they got back from somewhere, and then we came home so I could clean up the kitchen.

I had spent all day in my head, mad and frustrated with the girls and our living situation, and their habits around the house. I was glad to have the kitchen finished when Summer got home, but she reeked of gasoline. Eaddie got home and mostly stayed in her room as usual, and I dawdled a while longer before making it to bed. My nerves and anxiety were shot.

Ya hya chouhada!

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💯

Predictably, I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. My mind raced, stuck in a maze. I eventually managed to pass out for a couple hours, but then woke up around 2:30 and decided to measure my blood pressure. I had great numbers, but then my mind started racing again and it shot up, again preventing me from going back to sleep. I moved around a bit, and even tried lying on the couch for a little while, but nothing worked. I finally climbed out of bed a little after three and just started getting ready for work.

My pressure rose the entire time, and the lump in my throat that I finally lost in the middle of the night was back. Luckily it was a slow ride in to work and I managed to avoid some frustration there. I was a few minutes early, but to no effect. Randy came in just after me and we chatted a little bit. Once he left for his executive team meeting, I sat in the dark until Maggie showed up.

My numbers weren’t awful, and I snacked for some of the morning. They still got pretty high by lunch, and then a McRib probably didn’t do much to help me. In fact, I kept skating just above 90mmHg diastolic for most of the afternoon, and the clonidine didn’t seem to have much effect. I had left a message for Crystal’s nurse first thing in the morning, but the only call I received was from someone at Baptist that called after receiving my info from the self-care fair.

Randy decided we could work from seven to 3:30, so I took off and beat most of the most annoying traffic home. Summer got there just after I did, and I took the dogs for a run with a little bit of daylight left. We went through the basin and around the roundabout to my parents’ house and up the hill before coming back home.

Eaddie got home just after I did, but spent some time chauffeuring friends before finally coming back home for the night. Summer sat quietly in the living room, and I ate the lettuce with some Miracle Whip and black pepper, then a banana before going to bed super early.

😓

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I Am the Director Now

I had another chicken biscuit this morning on my way to work. Conference food made me pretty queasy all night, but fortunately today went okay. I was surprised to see Maggie in the office when I got there, and further still that she was still there when I left. I felt the pressure of more people needing me today, plus I had a couple of conference calls scheduled. I only went to one of those because the teacher was unable to reproduce an issue for a vendor.

I had placed an order for a Reuben at Arby’s the night before, since I had a discount code. Randy and Jim really wanted to go to a place called North Bar, so I picked up my food and then met them there. It was a more expensive place with a variety of burgers, wraps, and such. Jim’s chicken sandwich looked pretty good because the chicken was more than twice the size of the bun. Randy’s order was put in wrong, so his got comped and we split my burger, and then his when it eventually came out. I liked his bologna burger better than my blueberry one, but both were pretty good. Overall I thought the flavors were great, but it just wasn’t worth the price for the portion size. Everything being à la carte didn’t help, because I had to pay extra for fries with the burger.

I stopped by Target on the way back to the office to get an online order of Tide that I had placed a few days ago. Randy left in the afternoon, and said he was leaving me as the de facto director. I laughed that I was the newest hire, but he responded that I was the one with the most experience in his role. After that, Maggie had me sign a bunch of data privacy agreements. I told her it felt like he was leaving so they could use me as a fall-guy on some sketchy paperwork.

I was a bit hungry after lunch, so I actually ended up eating my Reuben before I left work. Then it was a dull ride home to find Summer in the kitchen and Eaddie and Eli watching TV. I took the dogs out for a run to my parents’ house and then spent some time with them when we got back. I skipped the chicken Alfredo because of the dairy, and drank some dinner instead. I had to rearrange the dishwasher after the girls poorly cleaned up the leftovers, and I kind of stewed a bit until bedtime.

unappoint

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Collared Greens

Summer was up early doing some work, and I ended up sleeping in later than I wanted. I eventually got up and made some more eggs for breakfast, and even cleaned up some leftover stir fried beef. It was rainy all morning, but it eventually dried up enough to go out with the dogs.

Eaddie wanted to take my car to drive around with her friends because it was nicer than her Pathfinder, and we ended up having a big family discussion after she didn’t like my answer. That threw all of us off for the rest of the day.

I took a really late shower and then took the dogs out for a walk. We took a new path up and around Inglewood this time, and on the way home I couldn’t break their focus off of a nearby squirrel. I’ve got to do something to fix that behavior, because Stilgar is just able to throw around too much weight.

They were about out of food when I got back with them, so I got Summer up and we went to Walmart to look around a bit. We got more food, and a couple cowhide sticks for them to chew on, with the hopes that they’d stop chewing on important things. Eaddie spotted us while we were there, but we didn’t actually see her. She was out super late, and we ended up going to bed before we ever saw her again.

Interesting days ahead…

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On Leash

I rode the Onewheel around the block this morning and found the dogs playing in someone’s garden on the corner of Ridgewood. They ran after me full-speed when they saw me, and heard me blowing the dog whistle I got from Dad. They ran all the way home, and though they hesitated to go back into the gate, they laid down on the porch like they might just rest a while. Unfortunately they were gone again by the time I left for work, and I didn’t see them as I drove away.

Shortly after I got to work, I got a notification from the same girl that posted about them on Nextdoor, and she said they were seen on Tanglewood. I sent the girls after them, and I guess they had some help from at least one neighbor who straight-up carried Muad’Dib over to Summer. Stilgar had to be fetched from the end of the road, and for some reason Summer thought it would be best to load him into the Model Y instead of just have him follow her home in the rain.

I did a bunch of Disney planning and took care of some things I’d been needing to do. Keith found me an old pallet that I could take home to mend the fence, and I eventually left that ghost town. I fed the fish and then went home to clean up. Julie called to settle a bet with Kevin, and my blog came to her rescue. I told Kevin I would have erased his name for half the price of losing the bet. Maybe now Julie understands the value I get from journaling everything.

Eaddie was out with friends, so I asked Summer if she wanted to go try the pork steaks at Ridgewood Brothers. As we were leaving, we noticed she had another crack spreading up her windshield from a pretty big impact spot in the bottom-right, so we added that to her air conditioning service appointment. Grant was at the restaurant running a full crew for a mostly empty dining room. The pork steak was good, but I don’t think ours were glazed properly when they were served. If they were, then we still needed more because they were pretty dry. Of course they were huge, thick cuts of lean meat that had been smoked and then finished on a grill. They weren’t overly tough or difficult to eat, but they would have been great with a cup of glaze for dipping.

When we got back home, we decided to take the dogs out for a walk to my parents’ house. It went pretty well until we got there and I let Stilgar off of his leash. Summer just dropped Muad’Dib’s, and he took off after a cat under the porch. I got angry and she tried to just leave me there alone, which made me even angrier. I got her to come back and help, and she saw Muad’Dib gnawing on something under the porch. We were worried it was the cat, but we were pretty sure it was just the leash. When they finally came back out, I hosed a bunch of mud off of the leash and gave them some water before we headed back home.

She went to the bedroom after that, and I took care of some things before eventually getting to bed myself. I’m constantly sleep deprived, angry, frustrated, depressed, and just about any other negative emotion there is. I’m hoping a vacation will help, but I’m already stressed about traveling, and worried about what the dogs will get into while we’re gone. Summer informing me that she’s paying Noah to come house-sit while we’re gone only made me feel worse about the situation, and angry that she didn’t consult me first. Telling me that she was going to “set some ground rules” was not the consolation she thought it might be.

I’ll have them longer.

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Nobody Asked You Patrice!

I caught the dogs in the act of digging under the fence this morning, and in spite of being in trouble, they were super excited to see me. I gave them some pets and treats with the hopes that they would stick around, and tried to cover up their start of a new hole, but they got out again while I was in the shower. As I was walking out the door, a new neighbor stopped to let us know. Summer woke up and got the front door just as I was discovering they weren’t in the back yard. Luckily we were able to get them back inside without too much trouble, but they were pretty high-energy.

There was no time for breakfast, and traffic was stupid. I got to work a little over 10 minutes late, but again, the place was mostly a ghost town. I submitted my vacation request form, though technically my contract will be over by then, and they don’t have to hire me again. I’m playing this one by ear. I ended up in Blake’s office and chatted with him for a while, and then a guy came in with three big bags of sweet corn for the school. I eventually got some for the office, and then took some home at the end of the day.

Other than that, my big human interaction was when Troy stopped by and actually sat down and chatted with me a little bit. I thought that was kind of neat, but I’m sure he mostly just needed a break from the heat. I eventually headed home and fed the fish.

I got to the house just as Summer was finishing up dinner. She thought it would be a good idea to cut up the leftover dried chicken and form patties with egg and bread crumbs. They were even dryer than the chicken was by itself, and it made no sense at all. I rolled the grill out and cooked some corn while I played with the dogs for a while. It sprinkled with a little thunder in the distance, and the dogs stuck around on the porch. It was really nice that we didn’t have to hunt for them at all today.

I wish they were trained well enough to take to work.

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The Three Houndini

The dogs left again sometime between being fast asleep on the porch at three in the morning, and when I got up for work at five. Eaddie went out to look for them while I was in the shower, but didn’t have any luck. I made it to work a little bit early, but not nearly as early as I wanted. The morning went by pretty quickly, though I kept wanting to fall asleep. I hardly saw anyone all day, which was both good and bad.

Summer had dinner going, so I fed the fish and made it home. Neither she nor Eaddie ever saw the dogs, but I looked down and back up, and they were all three sitting on the porch. I had to assume they were in the neighbor’s yard.

Eli was with us all evening for sloppy joes, and then drove Eaddie to meet us at the dog wash again. Stilgar had stuff all over him, and I couldn’t tell what. On top of crusty stuff, he was full of stickers from the yard that wouldn’t come out. At least he smelled a bit better when we were done. The neighbor brought Muad’dib and Chani out of her back yard again when we got back, and Chani seemed a little more sluggish than before. She’s been pretty quiet, but it seemed worse. I’m sure they’ve been passing something around, or possibly getting sick from stagnant water.

I rode the Onewheel to my parents’ house to try and sew up some pants, but Dad didn’t have any grey thread and I just headed back home for the night. I wound down quickly so I could actually get to bed by ten.

Unrested

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Summer School Burnout

It was only the second day of summer school, and I was over it. I think we only had under a dozen kids in for the summer, so the motion-sensing lights are off in the hallways for most of the day. I did manage to get some lunch this time since Becky prompted me around 11:30. That helped, but the afternoon still dragged on.

I was reasonably accomplished with some tasks of lesser importance. I took out some trash and just tinkered all day. There’s really a long list of apps I need to compile to comply with new laws, but that just doesn’t sound fun.

I ended up staying late so I could take Friday off. There’s no way they’ll need me then anyway, so there’s no sense in working five days. The drive home was pretty quiet, and southbound traffic was backed up once again. I couldn’t imagine having to wait that long to get back into Dardanelle, but there’s just no better way.

After feeding the fish, I was going to go see Summer, but there was a wreck blocking my intersection and I just went home instead. I rode the Onewheel to my parents’ house and ate some leftovers with them. Then I ran home to get a little jar of cat food to give to Dad. On the way back to their house, a couple kids stopped to ask about the Onewheel, and I let one of them try it. He didn’t stay on long at all before jumping off.

Once Summer got off, we dropped the Model Y off at the high school for Eaddie. She wouldn’t be home until super late, so rather than wake up and bring her home, we figured she’ll have her phone and can get home herself. Once we got back home, I doped up to try and sleep through my congestion, and it was off to bed.

They don’t know what they’ve got.

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Bummerial Day Weekend

I forgot to disable my alarm for the morning, so I was a little startled by that, but I didn’t want to sleep too late anyway. Summer was feeling much worse again and wanted to go to the urgent care clinic. We drove downtown but ended up turning around so I could just give her some medicine at home. I loaded her up on DayQuil and vitamins, and warmed up some chicken strips, mashed potatoes, and gravy for lunch. Then I made her sit outside in the sun for a little bit instead of being cooped up inside all weekend.

We didn’t really do anything else all day. I took a shower and picked up a couple pizzas for an early dinner, and then we watched The Wolverine, or as I called it, “Wolverine Goes to Japan.” The whole movie felt kind of meaningless to me.

Eaddie eventually came home and brought Eli over for the evening. They sat in the dining room and made Lego flowers and crochet for a while. I wanted to get outside for a bit, but it just didn’t happen.

What a depressing weekend.