Tag: depression

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Switch It Up

We slept in a little bit today, but Summer had to work when they opened late. They were slow though, so she came home early. I got up and made ham, egg, and cheese croissants for the three of us. Then I just kind of piddled and cleaned up a little, reorganizing and making room in the kitchen.

I took apart the garbage disposal switch to see if that was why it wasn’t running, and ended up taking apart a hall switch as well. I thought I would replace some switches with my aging Belkin Wemo switches, but they wouldn’t support the two-way switches.

Summer had to go back in for a team meating after the lube closed, so I showered and then took her and Muad’Dib along for the ride. We dropped her off and then I went to wash my car. I didn’t realize how much time had passed before I finished, and rushed back to get her. They still weren’t done though, so we waited in the car until she finished, then went to PetSmart only to find they were closed too.

I knew I had an old light swith at the old house, and went to retrieve it. Unfortunately that didn’t fix the issue at the new house, so I’ll just have to replace the garbage disposal after all. Summer went to bed, and I loaded up on some Fireball before bed.

pOISENDED

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No Resolutions

I had a tough time getting up for work this morning and got out of the house late, but still made it in without any trouble. The old server must have died from a power issue or something, because Heaven caught me right off the bat with an internet issue. I just need to get them off of the old domain controller.

The rest of the day was fairly focused on cleaning up the user directory for the menial task of unified email signatures. Organization on the front end would have made this a two click fix, but that is not the way of things. I had an anxiety attack somewhere along the way and contemplated tracking dates and times for those.

I had sort of been planning to go to Arby’s sometime this week, and today seemed as good a day as any. They were packed, but I found a table to eat. Joel came by in the afternoon to tell me they were cutting everyone loose at 2:30.

Eaddie was making Oreo balls with Eli when we got back to the house. Summer came home and took a bath while I took Muad’Dib on a run. I wanted to take him to PetSmart, but by the time Summer got ready and we made it to the store, they were closing up for the night. We went to Point Remove instead, and played cards over some pizza.

The kids were gone to a party when we got back to the house. I gave Muad’Dib a good bath before we went to see my parents. Mom was asleep the whole time, but we had some sparkling wine with Dad. We visited for a short while before going back to the house where the kids finished the series finale of Stranger Things. Summer went to bed and I finished the essentials.

Perpetuity

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Thighs and Breasts

I slept in a little bit later than I intended while Summer went to work for a few hours. I had a bit of a stomach ache when I woke up, but I had to get ready for our trip to Little Rock. Summer came home and we left for Waldo’s Chicken and Beer where we had the absolute best chicken sandwiches. End of line.

Lunch with some incredible cheddar biscuits and chicken bits gave us plenty of time to make the five minute drive to CARTI for Summer’s appointment. I didn’t remember the lobby, but we had been there before, possibly in the same exam room, to talk to her surgeon. Her mammogram and ultrasound both returned a benign cyst, so there was nothing to cause alarm. They did categorize her as high risk after the initial incident though, so she’ll be going back regularly to screen. She was relieved though, to hear that her new lump was nothing to worry about.

From there, we went to McCain Mall to browse for a while before my appointment at the body shop. The mall was back to the usual sadness after the Christmas rush that Eaddie got to witness. It was mostly fast fashion outlets with unrecognizable store names, and immigrant cart vendors. Even Old Navy left something to be desired.

Finally, we made our way to the Gwatney Collision Center to get a quote to repair some flaking paint on my car. Hopefully the time delay won’t cause any issues, since we had taken it to Tesla in Tulsa in the middle of the year. The quote was about three thousand more than I expected, but maybe that means they’ll do a solid job.

We popped into Sam’s Club nextdoor and grabbed an impromptu cartload of stuff we didn’t need, and then had to stop by the Splash warehouse in Conway for some supplies on the way home. We didn’t waste any time dropping those off once we got into town, because Eaddie had Eli and Ceci over to help make our lasagna dinner. It was ready right as we got home, so the five of us sat down and had a really great meal together. Then the kids took Muad’Dib for a run while Summer and I unwound and got ready for bed.

PI

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Turbo Husk

The wind was still howling this morning, and it was freezing cold, but dry. The office was surprisingly quiet again, which made it difficult to get motivated. Further reading of Microsoft documentation didn’t help. I tried to pep myself up with a cup of coffee from my new portable press, but it was awful. I’ll just have to brew larger cups of those old grounds at home, and use them up.

I had an anxiety attack at some point, but I don’t recall whether it was before or after lunch. We went to McDonald’s and Sonic so Muad’Dib could have a little snack with me. I thought he’d want to run more after lunch, but he was ready to go inside. The afternoon dragged on forever until quitting time.

Eaddie was supposed to make lasagna for the second day in a row, but texted earlier to say she wasn’t going to do that. Summer had called earlier as well, to say the Murano’s power steering was going out. I was frustrated at the lack of proactive maintenance and the fact that Eaddie still hadn’t found the Pathfinder keys that she lost.

We got to the house and took a quick run, but the cold wasn’t quite as sharp. Muad’Dib took off like a rocket, and I was too hesitant on the board to try and keep up with him, but he was doing well over 20 miles an hour. We visited Dad briefly before making it back to the house. The girls got into a frustrating argument in which Eaddie got onto Summer for “having an attitude with her all day.” She and I had a talk later about how I didn’t like the connotations of that word, and I think it helped. I eventually had some leftover turkey before laying down with Muad’Dib for a little while. Summer joined us after her bath, and we quickly flipped through some Netflix as Muad’Dib started snoring heavily.

I dawdled for quite a while before joining them.

Notes on Notes on Numbers

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Gumball

We finally had our staff meeting this morning, and I did my best to represent well. Afterward, we had a pretty boring call with more of the same from Aptean. It always feels like a sales call, promising more from their future plans. I bounced around a lot after that.

We took a really late lunch and I had my McRib. Then the afternoon was a bit slow and quiet. Summer had her company Christmas party, so we got back into town and I picked up some Taco John’s to eat before going.

I dressed Muad’Dib up in his ugly sweater and antler headpiece, and we went to attend at the lube. Summer was like a nervouos teen, hoping all of her friends would show up, and I just felt bad. Muad’Dib got a decent amount of attention, and then Summer made me play Dirty Santa with them, so I stole a gag gift to give out at my own Christmas party.

I was feeling pretty melancholy afterward, so I decided to take Muad’Dib to PetSmart again. They would be closing within minutes, so instead we stopped in the parking lot so he could go to the bathroom. Then we kind of cruised aimlessly toward home. I set the car to “chill” and let it go, without a destination. As we approached our side of town, a cop pulled behind me and lit me up. We pulled into the hospital parking lot where he informed me that my tags had expired. That didn’t make a lot of sense to me, but sure enough, they were. He let me go with a verbal warning, and I headed toward the house.

I didn’t notice, but after I walked in, Summer stopped to warn me that Autumn was there with Eaddie. It wasn’t until afterward that I noticed her text asking what I was doing and why I was avoiding coming home. It was completely loaded, because she could have sent a warning first. I immediately put my shoes back on and walked out with Muad’Dib, but she stopped me in the garage to express her own frustration at me as I trembled.

I let Muad’Dib take me for a walk through almost our entire route in reverse. We stopped at the basin and sat on a bench for a while to knock on the sky and listen to the sound. A stiff breeze came in as we eventually made our way back to the house and found our way to bed.

Unexpected, in the middle of a walking path.

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Deal With It

Eaddie left early this morning, dressed up for something. Summer and I had coffee and then started to reset the living room. We had an appointment to take Muad’Dib for pictures with Santa, but then Summer told me she wanted to have Autumn come over to decorate cookies and we ended up unpacking a lot of other stuff instead.

I cancelled the appointment and took a shower late, but then Eaddie and Eli came to the house and we met them at PetSmart where we could just walk up to what was one of the worst Santas I’ve ever seen. They were informal to say the least, but they gave him a little treat and snapped a couple poor pictures with my phone. Then we wandered the store for a little bit to see if Muad’Dib wanted a treat. He sniffed the bones a little bit, but all he really wanted was a guinea pig, and Summer wouldn’t let him have one. I suggested that if we got two, he could have unlimited treats for free, but that didn’t work either.

We took him outside to take a break from all the excitement for a little bit, and then we ended up going to Point Remove with the kids. We got a large charcuterie board, some drinks, and eventually a pizza. I saw Amber and Brian there for a Christmas party they were having for their runners club, and one of the ladies came down and convinced Summer to sign up for a membership or something.

Muad’Dib was perfect under the table and off the leash the whole time. I took him outside, and he was perfectly behaved the entire time. People loved his ugly sweater and Max antler. We were there for a little while because they were quite busy with a couple parties going, and seemingly very understaffed.

When we finally got back to the house, I cleaned up some more stuff to set up the living room. Summer went to bed. I wasn’t very motivated, and I couldn’t find my two longest speaker wires anyway, but I got a little bit done. Afterward I did some more reviews and had an anxiety attack before bed..

whether it’s scientific truth, or historical truth, or personal truth

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Easy Now

There wasn’t really anything going on today. I had a Soylent and some black coffee in the morning, then a banana before lunch time, so we ended up going out to eat even later. I couldn’t decide what I wanted, so we just went to the car. Muad’Dib wouldn’t listen when he got into the car, and I accidentally popped him harder than I meant to, so I felt really bad after that.

We went to Walmart to see if they had any decent looking salads or sandwiches, but they really don’t have a good deli area. I even looked around at frozen or instant meals, but gave up. I walked the store looking for a pretty sparse clearance aisle, and then I got a bag of chips and we ended up going to Subway to pick up a sandwich.

I ate in my office and shared some chips with Muad’Dib. Afterward he started to fall asleep on my foot, so I got his bed out for him. He had never really spent any time in it before, but I gave him his nylon bone and he actually stayed there for a while. At one point he actually fell asleep on it, which made me happy.

After work, we went for a quick run in the dark, and then just cleaned up and did some reviews before bed.

Closing in.

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Clock Ticks

We got out of the cold, wet house early this morning, so I stopped by Hardee’s for breakfast. Once at work, I tried to pick a task and stay focused, but I still felt a little like I had imposter syndrome. We took our short McDonald’s break and finished out the afternoon with a bunch of reviews.

I grabbed a deal from Taco John’s when we got back home, then stopped at Superfast for some washer fluid while Summer was there for a late team meeting. When we got to the house, I ate my Taco Bravo and then made a ham sandwich while starting some laundry. It wasn’t until after it was nearly done that Dad texted about bánh tôm chiên khoai lang. Summer said she wanted those when she left work, so I started walking with Muad’Dib and she picked us up along the way.

I wasn’t very hungry by then, but I had a couple with Summer and then we headed back to the house to fight about laundry.

Twenty One a Day

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Dogtown

Summer and I happened to end up in traffic around the same time, as there had been a wreck and vehicle fire right outside of Morrilton. She continued on to Little Rock and I got to work right around eight. Janice brought a tiny little goblin dog to work, so Muad’Dib had fun running around with her. We were up and down the stairs several times and stayed really busy all day.

PetSmart called early in the morning and wanted to move Muad’Dib’s appointment up an hour, citing that they were really busy leading up to Thanksgiving, and that they wanted to make sure he had plenty of time away from other people and dogs. It didn’t make much sense to me, since I figured an appointment time was just for him, but from the sound of it, they do several dogs at once in batches, and then kennel them between steps. It didn’t make much sense to me, but luckily I remembered that Summer would be passing back through. I had her pick him up and take him home, and then Eaddie delivered him to PetSmart at three.

I grabbed a quick lunch at McDonald’s and then continued David’s quest to learn how to import documents. I got a call about an hour and a half earlier than I expected, telling me that Muad’Dib was about finished, so I headed back home to get him. They said he did well, but I was actually disappointed in how much I paid for such a short service. We probably won’t be doing that again.

Summer said something about going to the store when she got off work, so I thought I’d go with her. When I got home, the kids had eaten two of the three steaks and left me one, and Summer none. I took Muad’Dib on a quick run, and he absolutely flew down the street. When we got back, I learned that at some point, Summer thought to eat the rest of the squash, which left me with a slab of meat and literally nothing else. The kids went with her to the store, so Muad’Dib and I went to Taco Villa.

They had my taco salad made quickly, and I didn’t notice when he followed me in the door, but we got back outside and ate at a picnic table in the cold. It was nice to decompress. Afterward, we went by the old house to look for a few things. Dad had emptied the cabinets, but I was lucky enough to find one of the things I was looking for.

When we got back to the house, Eaddie told me that they weren’t going to see Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox with us because she just learned that they wanted to record for the Tech band album they’re releasing. I tried to talk to her about commitments, but that fell on deaf ears, and nobody around here is willing to put family over anything else.

Well I guess if you want to be alone, be alone

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Let’s Review

I didn’t sleep great, but we slept in just a little bit before getting up for coffee. The girls went outside and I sat down to write a bunch of reviews while continuing with laundry. The day went by really fast, and we were all aware that we felt a little moody. Maybe it was cycles, or maybe it was seasonal affectivity. Maybe it was the anxiety attack I had when I started laundry. Maybe it was a continuation of the melancholy and dissatisfaction that we all seem to have accepted.

Summer made it to the gym, and Eaddie left for a concert of some kind. I took Muad’Dib for a run a few minutes earlier than on work days, and then Summer and I went to Colton’s for a late dinner. We sat in the car for a while before going in, trying to work through some feelings. Then we ate too much and came home to go to bed.

stuff