Tag: depression

Uncategorised

Doggy Daycare

I considered breakfast this morning, but couldn’t come up with a worthy deal in time and just showed up at work early instead. Amanda needed help downstairs, so I spent a while working down there. Teddy came out of Rhonda’s office and ran around with Muad’Dib for a while, but then she made him go back before we left. The morning went by pretty quickly, but luckily we left for lunch when we did, because I forgot about the call I had in the afternoon.

We ended up at Taco Bell, then made it back just in time to hop on with the Aptean guys again. There was really no point to the call other than for us to be prompted to fill out a survey. I didn’t leave great remarks. The afternoon really dragged on after that.

Chick-fil-A sent me a free fry, so we stopped by on the way to get those on the way home. I saw Kevin and Hope at AT&T, so we stopped there to see them while we ate. Kevin was on his way out, but I caught up with Hope a bit before we left. Just as we were pulling out, I met the new store manager and we chatted briefly, and he suggested I should come back and work a part-time position they had because he “liked my vibe.”

I was pretty hungry when we made it back to the house, so I ate some leftover mush with Summer and then we sat on the couch and watched some YouTube for a while. She suggested popcorn and a movie, but I guess she changed her mind after I took Muad’Dib on a late run in the cooler air.

We visited my parents, and then I basically had to drag him back home. I ate some other leftovers and Summer went to bed.

Woah, again.

Uncategorised

Grating Warmth

Muad’Dib seemed to feel a little sick this morning, because he jumped right out of the car and ate some grass, then sat down and threw it right back up. He didn’t act particularly puny otherwise, but something made him sick. We made it upstairs and got to work for a pretty busy day after that.

I couldn’t decide on lunch, but I thought I wanted to sit outside with him for a bit. That was until we got outside and he kept wandering around instead of coming back to me to get in the car. That irritated me to the point that I decided to leave him in the car while I went in for some Wendy’s.

The afternoon was busy as well, and we ended up leaving a little late. Traffic was a bit annoying, but at least Summer promised chicken and dumplings for dinner. She was breaking down a rotisserie chicken when we got to the house, so I took Muad’Dib for a medium-speed run. We visited Dad, and then I basically had to drag him the rest of the way home.

Dinner was okay. The lemon pepper chicken and canned biscuits made it too sweet with another slightly odd flavor, but it wasn’t bad. I tried to emphasize my appreciation. She went to be shortly after that, and I cleaned up and ate some leftover cake, but the kids got into it and destroyed a large part of it for some reason. I don’t know what they were trying to do, but it frustrated me. Frustrations compounded for a while until I finally got everything done for bed.

🪛

Uncategorised

Quitcher Bellyachin’

I started first thing this morning with an emotional reaction to some silly account related stuff before I could even get up the stairs. With that mostly resolved, I had a quiet day with Muad’Dib. I’ve got to get over whatever hump I’m on with completing some projects, but at least I feel a little more secure in how I’ll be filing taxes.

Muad’Dib did wonderfully at Taco Bell for lunch. I had a discount on a tiny meal there, so we ended up swinging by Sonic for some chicken strips as well. I just ate them in the car when we got back to the office, and then we finished out the afternoon.

Summer was home a little earlier and cooked the potatoes and onions she prepped a couple days ago while I ran Muad’Dib to go see Dad. He wasn’t running very much, so I thought I’d try something new and improvise a new path. We made it, but I still left him behind for several blocks at a time. I don’t know why he just doesn’t seem to care about running until the very end.

Summer and I ate as soon as we got back, but then she had an emotional reaction to feeling miserable at work, which has been a frustration of my own for several years at this point. We finished eating and retired early, so I ran her a bath and then laid with her briefly before going off to do my own thing for the night.

The screen is just going to ask you a few questions.

Uncategorised

Spur of Thought

I really planned to have a Soylent this morning, but then I got super hungry just as I was getting into Morrilton again, so we stopped at Wendy’s for a small breakfast. Muad’Dib was super distracted and didn’t want to come inside, which left me shivering in the wind. We finally got inside and I continued tinkering with Intune.

Summer finished with her meeting early and wanted to meet for lunch, but I didn’t want to eat too early, so I had her meet me at the office. She came in to see Maple, but she was being shy all day and wouldn’t even come to me for a treat. We went to Ortega’s and had a really good lunch, and then I had her go by Ridgewood on the way home so I could try their pastrami special.

Earlier in the morning, I finally emailed Future Motion for an update on my Onewheel. It took them all day to respond that after thorough testing, they found nothing seriously wrong with it. That was exactly what I knew they would say, and I probably should have just disputed the charge with Discover Card first instead of talking to them again. They’re such an incredibly shitty company.

I finished the slow afternoon, completely forgetting about therapy until right at 4:30, so we raced out the door and made it just in time to wait another five minutes. I felt like our session was really good this time, but I didn’t realize how depressed Summer was really feeling. All I can really do is try to keep communicating with her, but doing happy little things is never going to be enough to turn this around for good.

When we got home, she put the cabbage in the slow cooker with the corned beef she started in the morning, and then we waited to eat. Once we did, dinner was great. Then her birthday present arrived and we set up our pair of BedJets for some temperature controlled air in the beds. Hopefully this keeps us comfortable and try, since she has a habit of feeling cold and then sweating all over the place.

What do you call a cow who tells dad jokes? Corney beef!

Uncategorised

Talko Boosday

I felt pretty terrible this morning, but we managed to get to work before eight. It was a super slow recovery until lunch time at Ortega’s. I think I had an anxiety attack somewhere along the line. Later in the afternoon, one of the guys called for help with HubSpot, and of course I knew nothing. At least tech support couldn’t help either.

We left a little early to get to therapy, though we’ve been starting late enough that I think I can leave at my regular time and still make it. Summer was busy until just after five, and even then we had to wait for Dwayne to come let us in.

We ended up sitting outside with Muad’Dib and his little dog, Lucy. They played more than we talked, and I was a little surprised at Summer’s recollection of the weekend. I haven’t been very happy with our sessions so far, so I don’t know how much longer I’ll be interested in going.

Summer had a meeting, so I went to the house and cleaned up a little. Eaddie was in the shower when I got there, but left shortly thereafter. Summer eventually came home and seemed continually troubled, but didn’t know why. She went to bed pretty quickly, and I followed soon after.

Uninteresting

Uncategorised

Decompresso

I just barely crawled out of bed this morning from the exhaustion I felt after this weekend. We managed to get to work, but only after I saw a notification that McDonald’s had $1 Egg McMuffins . We soldiered on, and made a little bit of progress all day.

It was nice out, so we went to Sonic for lunch and just enjoyed some time outside. The afternoon went by fairly quickly after that. We stopped by the old house to pick up a couple of things, and talked to David from next door for quite a while. He seemed excited just to see a neighbor. Then we made it home to an empty house.

Summer was at the gym for a while after a trying day. Eaddie had eaten my leftovers, so I had some drinks while I cleaned up in the dining room. It was a quiet evening until bedtime.

I have not been myself for most of my life.

Uncategorised

Square Wheel Keep On Turnin’

I woke up hungry today, but I tamed that with a Soylent. I’ve been under-stimulated and under-motivated, but I played around some more with PiSignage and its less-than intuitive interface. I didn’t decide on lunch until we got outside, and then decided on Wendy’s. Muad’Dib looked back at me through the windows with jealousy, so he got a treat when I finished. Then I let him run back to the office from the very end of the street. That boy misses the Onewheel as much as I do.

The afternoon was a little more focused, but only just. The drive home had more traffic than I expected, which got worse as we got to town. I should have let the car take the first exit like it wanted. It knew better than me. We ended up going around our normal route at the last exit, and finally made it to the house.

The girls were home so we could chat about Eaddie’s band trip, but I guess I had figured most of it out before I got there. I wanted to book a hotel, but that didn’t happen. They got distracted by the television, and then I warmed up food for Summer and myself. We just can’t all stay focused on one thing ever. Then I got upset with Eaddie because she and Eli left about a quarter of a steak worth of scraps in the trash, which I fished out for Muad’Dib.

I thought I had caught a rat because I didn’t see my bait, but evidently something got to it without falling in. I added some more bread, then started some laundry to finish up the night.

I don’t wanna wait

Uncategorised

MexiMash

I had been looking forward to lunch at Ortega’s all week. I didn’t really figure Grant would show up, but that was okay. Summer didn’t leave town either, so I just ate alone. I think this may have been my best plate yet, with a tostada, chalupa, chicken enchilada, and chili con queso. I threw some chip crumbs on top, and basically had some epic nachos. I felt a little woozy in the afternoon, but we survived.

Kaleb stopped in for help with some SharePoint nonsense, which still confuses me, but it worked well enough for him. I struggled with some HubSpot reporting for the rest of the afternoon and left no better. We stopped in to Brown’s for a gift card, and then Summer encountered us at the El Paso intersection and followed us to Ridgewood where I got another gift card just from myself.

When we got to the house, Summer and I had a heated conversation about her having to open and then work late again tomorrow to repair a broken belt at the wash. She was told not to go, but insisted that she wanted to, and she didn’t seem to understand how this felt like she was choosing work over family yet again.

We talked a bit, she bathed, and then we sat in front of the TV, flipping through YouTube until bedtime. Nothing else written or discussed, cleaned or dust’.

Wax off.

Uncategorised

All or Nothing

Friday was good until it got bad enough to become good again. I stayed pretty busy at work, but struggled in the afternoon as the girls went looking for houses. I stopped by PetSmart when we got back to town, because I needed something to interrupt how I was feeling, and I got Muad’Dib a bunch of treats. Mark needed some computer help as well, so I stopped to see him for a bit too. When I got home, I managed to sit down and talk with Summer for a long while, and eventually we were able to agree that they would slow down long enough to breathe and catch back up from all the recent heaviness. We’ll give it three months without any more of that added stress, and focus on some therapy and heavy communication to see if we can maintain some momentum with our positive change. Eaddie came around and I took them to Waffle House for a late dinner, and we had a good time.

Eaddie was gone all Saturday, so I took Summer to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. They were depressingly slow compared to Old South, and after eating our food, we figured out why. We went back to PetSmart to use another coupon for some food, and then briefly stepped into T.J. Maxx before making it back to the house. We cleaned up a bit and stayed busy most of the afternoon until we decided to go to New China for dinner. I wanted to stop to see my parents on the way back, and Summer nervously went along. Mom had a surprising amount to say, and Summer came home upset for a while, but we talked a little more before bed and then woke up with clearer thoughts.

Summer got some Spam and I made breakfast sandwiches for the three of us. Eaddie left and Summer went to the gym, and I cleaned up the kitchen. Later on, we walked to Walgreens with Muad’Dib to try and get Summer’s prescription, but they were closed. I eventually warmed up some spaghetti for dinner, and at some point the day before we had started watching Wonderman, so we continued that in the evening until bed.

Document the process and build a roadmap to success.

Uncategorised

CTRL-Z

I had trouble staying warm today. I got up with Summer as she left for work, and tried my best to focus on just about anything. I ended up taking a long bath to regulate my temperature.

Summer had to stay over three hours late because of call-ins, so I ordered some Domino’s to take to them. I made Eaddie come with me so we could try and get her car from Maristella’s. We got the pizza and went to the wash where there were actually only two of them working. Eaddie and I ate a little bit, though she had just eaten a grilled cheese and tomato soup. Muad’Dib enjoyed getting out and continually whined the entire time he was in the car.

When we left the wash, we went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. Eaddie split off from me to find something for her cross stitching, but couldn’t find what she needed. I just got what I needed for a split pea soup. We slid by Maristella’s on the way back, but they weren’t home, so Eaddie couldn’t get her keys.

When we got back to the house, Nick was outside trying to shovel their driveway. I offered my newly-unboxed snow thrower, which made quick work of their driveway. Muad’Dib enjoyed running around for a bit before we went inside.

I spent the rest of the evening documenting monthly expenditures to present to Summer, since she seemed to feel as though she was being cheated in the way we split our bills. In the end, things worked out even closer than I expected. She got home and bathed, and then I gave her a recap before she went to sleep.

Most of our biggest disappointments with other people come from our expectation that they will handle situations with our mindset, heart, and values.