Tag: disappointment

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Carpal Tunnel Vision

We got out a little bit earlier today after a lot of sleep, redeemed a free burrito at Burger King, and got to work to focus on HubSpot product updates. My hand hurt all day from zipping through spreadsheets and manually moving and combining data to make it fit HubSpot’s limited search capabilities.

I forgot Muad’Dib’s food at home, and ended up taking lunch about an hour late myself. I just went for a quick Big Mac, and then grabbed some cheese sticks from Sonic on the way back to share with Muad’Dib in the car.

The afternoon was short after that, but I got a break in the middle of that when my car alarm went off. I peeked at the sentry cameras and saw David’s truck nearby. It wasn’t long after that he came upstairs and said he accidentally bumped me with his trailer hitch. We went downstairs to check it out, and the hole we saw was really just the tow bolt cover that had popped off. The plastics and a lower running light were also damaged though, so he said he would get with his insurance company to take care of it.

Summer had been home cleaning all day, and was still at it when we got home. I had plans to go help Neal with a computer that was given to him, so I changed clothes, had a quick bite, and then headed over. It took a couple hours, but we got it going. The whole time I was working on the computer, he was flipping through his phone and showing me pictures of his family, friends, and things that he had collected over the years. I also learned that my old boss, Adam, had passed away. Neal has always been an interesting friend.

The kids were getting ready for their band trip while Summer was finishing up a bunch of laundry. I don’t know what I was busy doing, but I never sat down for long. The night flew by, and then it was time for bed.

Mindful Mondays

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Tostaguac

I skipped the Soylent this morning and just had some coffee instead. Charles and his crew got the TV mounted, but still hadn’t run power to it, which was fine since I still hadn’t really made any content to put up on a digital sign anyway. Every time I get into a content management system, something about it frustrates me to the point of looking for something new.

I had an anxiety attack in the morning, then met Summer at Ortega’s for lunch. I found another great combination with the tostaguac, and we filled up and headed back to work. The afternoon went by fairly quickly, and I left just a few minutes early to get back to town for therapy.

Summer was working at the lube, and then we walked over and took Muad’Dib inside with us this time. I don’t think anybody really felt like the session did any good this time, and probably did more to irritate us. This was a pity, since otherwise we had been feeling really good. Summer even mentioned at lunch that she finally felt like she wasn’t enjoying her job any more, but of course that didn’t come up when we were with the therapist. It really felt like we just burned our 45 minutes.

We left for home and I had a few packages to go through. Then I only got distracted into one big project while trying to clean up the kitchen table. I did get a monitor set up by the bathtub for Summer, so that pleased her. Unfortunately the monitor may not be any good, but we’ll test it out some more.

Summer went to bed and Eaddie had Eli come over late for some leftovers. I cleaned up a bit more and then rushed to bed.

I guess we’re wingin’ it again!

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Lazy Valentine

We started lounging on the couch early this morning. Summer had some coffee, and then I warmed up some leftover waffles and a pancake for breakfast. After a while, we sent the dog to get Eaddie out of bed, and then she eventually had Eli come over for the day. They talked about making pizza or chicken, and then both, and then ended up only making pizzas for dinner. Summer and I hardly left the couch. I had an anxiety attack at some point, but I got our room booked for Eaddie’s trip. Then we mostly watched YouTube while it rained all day. I guess we could’ve done worse.

Rats

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Big Catch

I felt much better today, but found it much harder to focus. I basically just tinkered all day between projects or other break/fix stuff. Summer had a meeting in Little Rock, so she met us for lunch at Ortega’s. Our server was slow, which saved me an extra plate. We ran into Teisha and her husband on the way out, and he was rocking a solid cast on his leg.

The afternoon went by just as slowly as the morning, but it could have been worse. Then we stopped by the old house on the way home so I could get a five gallon bucket to use as a rat trap. Summer was doing her cross stitch in front of the TV, and Eaddie was on her way out the door.

I set the rat trap and had some leftover split pea soup, then sat in front of the TV with Summer briefly before she went to bed. Just then, I heard some commotion downstairs and went out to find I had caught a small opossum. It wasn’t too toothy, but refused to come out, so I had to set the bucket on its side and then just wait.

I eventually re-set the trap, and then it was off to bed on time.

Old CDs

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Lemme Cook

We got up this morning and I decided to make pancakes and waffles, so Summer and I went to the Neighborhood Market for some milk, and browsed for something to cook for dinner as well. We ended up with a whole bunch of New York strip steaks, sweet potatoes, and Brussels sprouts. The girls went back later for some russets though, because I really wanted a classic baked potato.

I was disappointed in my breakfast, which we ended up eating right around noon, because both the pancakes and waffles didn’t really fill in, and had holes or jagged bits after they were flipped. I did get to use up a bunch of blueberries and bananas that had been sitting around for a while though. At least everything tasted good.

The kids had to go to a recital in the evening, so we planned to have dinner early. I tried to clean up a bit, and got the kitchen taken care of, but before I knew it, we had to start on dinner. I had gotten a fire started in the fireplace that we never really got to enjoy before I had to get up and start the smoker. I wanted to smoke and then sear the steaks I got, but time dictated that they could not smoke for long before they needed to be ready.

By the end of it all, we had everything ready and it was only Eaddie that ate. Eli didn’t come over, and Summer and I weren’t really hungry enough for dinner quite yet. Eaddie had also brought some ribs and chicken wings that she just picked up from her father in Clarksville. She ate and then left, so Summer and I cleaned up a bit more before sitting down to eat a small dinner ourselves.

We cleaned up a bit more before relaxing a bit. Then as the evening came to a close, the fire roared up in the fireplace again, so we sat together to watch that for a while before bed.

Speedrun Sundays

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The Cat’s Outta the Fence

I felt a little better this morning, and stayed fairly physically busy all morning trying to make a patch cable out of some crappy, old wire. I went through a couple sets of ends before I gave up in favor of a different option. We went to Arby’s for lunch, and then I called to reserve a room for the Cavalcade of Magic when we got back to the office.

We were parked and sitting in the car, and Muad’Dib and I watched as a cat stalked through the grass on the other side of the fence that divides our property from the Interstate. I was still wrapping up my call when he started whimpering. The cat was out of sight and I thought Muad’Dib had given up, but as soon as I let him out, he ran out the front gate and leapt over a part of the fence that was leaned over. I wasn’t even sure he would be able to get back across due to the way the fence was leaning and how far he jumped. Luckily the cat ran back toward me instead of toward the highway.

They ran toward the building, and then the cat got into the drainage pipe that goes under the road, so luckily Muad’Dib didn’t fit. I got hold of him and gave him a good kick to the rear, then dragged him back to the car to get collared. We went inside and it wasn’t long before we were called down for cake to celebrate Elizabeth’s upcoming wedding.

We surprised her in the breakroom, had cake, and visited briefly before finishing up the afternoon. I got a text that counseling could be in-person tomorrow, so I got permission to leave at lunch time and finish the day from home. We got to the house a little while after Summer, though she was still sitting in her car when we got there. She bathed and I ate some leftovers, and then we watched YouTube as she passed out on the couch.

After she went to bed, I finished the evening filling out a bunch of intake paperwork for tomorrow. For now, it’s more of the same.

At least one of us has laser-focus.

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Wear

Summer got up to go to work this morning so they could start cleaning up the properties. I was worried she would get stuck in the driveway, but she actually got out just fine. I tried to get things warmed up a little bit in the house, and then started working from home. Eaddie was up and wanted tuna for brunch, so I made a whopping three cans of that for pitas. I eventually got cleaned up, and I thought Summer was going to pick up some groceries so I could make a split pea soup, but that didn’t happen.

By the time she got home, Summer just wanted to bathe and watch TV. I made some rice to go with the leftover chicken and vegetables, and warmed up the spaghetti for the girls. They watched Storm Chasers for a bit, and then I followed Summer to the bedroom where she watched Jungle Cruise. Afterward I tried talking with her some more, but she just started getting really negative again, and I couldn’t break her out of it.

I went to my office for a while to wrap up the evening, and had an anxiety attack just as I was getting ready to go to bed.

because an echo is always followed by silence.

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Never Stop Never Stopping

I slept in a little bit since I would be working from home today in the ice. Summer got up and made us corned beef hash for breakfast. Eaddie was eventually dropped back off at home, so the girls sat in the living room cross stitching all day.

Dad went out sledding, so Muad’Dib and I walked his direction and encountered him walking toward us. He went down a couple good hills, and Muad’Dib had a good run. We encountered a flock of children out doing the same, and before long I had to get back to work.

Summer eventually started on some tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and then Eaddie wanted to watch something that wasn’t funny or serious, so I put on the crab rave video. I think that pretty much nailed the assignment, but then we watched Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. Eaddie and I found it to be pretty funny, but Summer went through the whole movie with a contorted face.

After that, Eaddie baked some brownies and we all went to bed.

Mania

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hIlO

Yesterday was pretty sad all during the day. We dropped into Sonic for a super cheap meal, and then I decided to go to Harp’s just to check out what they had. The deli chicken actually looked pretty good, though they didn’t have a huge selection. It’d still be a decent option to switch things up, because there’s not really a good chicken place. I picked up some beer and cheap chicken leg quarters to share with Muad’Dib.

I was super down for the drive back, but Julie called to touch base just as we got into town. She really tried to stick up for me after Mom said I couldn’t go back to the old house. Then when we finally got back to the new house, Summer came out and told me about all of the shopping prep she did so we could have nice, hot meals when we get iced in this weekend.

Summer and I talked briefly and I started to feel a little better. My buddy Kevin also called to check in on me, and he was super positive as well. I wanted to stay home and talk to Summer a bit more, but Gary and I had been talking about meeting up, so I took Muad’Dib to get him and we went to Point Remove for some wings and beer. We had a pretty good time catching up, and then Summer texted me just as we were finishing up.

Things were up and down after that, but I crashed a bit early with a little bit of hopefulness that carried into this morning. Summer had to open the lube, but we talked briefly before she left. Muad’Dib and I got out of the house early enough that we stopped to get her some Burger King for breakfast on the way out of town. Then I made the last-second decision to get some Hardee’s for us as well, just before we hit the Interstate.

I was feeling pretty good about the day after that, and tried to stay relatively focused. We went to McDonald’s for lunch, then ran around in the parking lot for a bit when we got back to the office. The afternoon felt a little bit shorter because we ate late, and then Summer wanted to meet at Colton’s again for dinner.

I had time to change, but Muad’Dib and I still beat her to the restaurant, so I let him run around for a bit. After that, things kind of slowly went downhill again. I listened as she talked about work, but then we didn’t get to anything hearty and meaningful for our situation. All of my food was pretty awful, from a gristly New York strip, to a seemingly microwaved potato. Her salad even had an ice cube in it.

I took the long way back to the house, then brought in some firewood to let it stay warm and dry for the weekend. It was tough to get motivated again after that.

Up on Melancholy Hill sits a manatee, just looking for the day when you’re close to me.

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The Beginning of the End

I woke up surprisingly sober and full of positive energy after a painfully unrested night. I tried to rub some of that positivity off on Summer, but she hardly said a word to me until our kiss goodbye. We got to work and I felt pretty good all morning. I sat down with Teisha and talked to her for a long time about our history and what was going on. She was as supportive as possible, and then we went upstairs to as much productivity as we could muster.

Grant met me at Ortega’s for the all-you-can-eat lunch, and he was super hyped as always. I hate that we’re bonding over trauma, but he’s been an incredible pillar of support. We ate, and then I gave him a super quick walk-through of our office before he headed back to the restaurant.

The afternoon dragged on much more after Summer ignored my messages all day. I was spent by the end of it, and we walked out a few minutes early just to get to the house and try to keep the momentum up. It looked like Summer was still out looking for places to live, but they both showed up at the house right after we got there.

I got them to sit down with me in the living room to discuss the urgency of the whole situation. Summer is just over it, and is ready to explore solo life to find out who she is without anyone else there, and she wants no safety net. Eaddie repeated her concern that we’re just incompatible, and feels like we’d be better off apart. There’s still a lot of love, but too much negativity to continue moving forward, and they want a fresh start. They did agree to slow their hastiness so we could go over financials and find them a nice place to live so they don’t just settle out of a desire to leave.

I continued cleaning the kitchen, but it was a struggle after that. I’ve just never been big on waste. I did some laundry and cleaned the guest room so I could sleep there. It looks like I have nowhere to go, so the hunt begins.

Always at the whim.