Tag: disappointment

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Wear

Summer got up to go to work this morning so they could start cleaning up the properties. I was worried she would get stuck in the driveway, but she actually got out just fine. I tried to get things warmed up a little bit in the house, and then started working from home. Eaddie was up and wanted tuna for brunch, so I made a whopping three cans of that for pitas. I eventually got cleaned up, and I thought Summer was going to pick up some groceries so I could make a split pea soup, but that didn’t happen.

By the time she got home, Summer just wanted to bathe and watch TV. I made some rice to go with the leftover chicken and vegetables, and warmed up the spaghetti for the girls. They watched Storm Chasers for a bit, and then I followed Summer to the bedroom where she watched Jungle Cruise. Afterward I tried talking with her some more, but she just started getting really negative again, and I couldn’t break her out of it.

I went to my office for a while to wrap up the evening, and had an anxiety attack just as I was getting ready to go to bed.

because an echo is always followed by silence.

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Never Stop Never Stopping

I slept in a little bit since I would be working from home today in the ice. Summer got up and made us corned beef hash for breakfast. Eaddie was eventually dropped back off at home, so the girls sat in the living room cross stitching all day.

Dad went out sledding, so Muad’Dib and I walked his direction and encountered him walking toward us. He went down a couple good hills, and Muad’Dib had a good run. We encountered a flock of children out doing the same, and before long I had to get back to work.

Summer eventually started on some tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and then Eaddie wanted to watch something that wasn’t funny or serious, so I put on the crab rave video. I think that pretty much nailed the assignment, but then we watched Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. Eaddie and I found it to be pretty funny, but Summer went through the whole movie with a contorted face.

After that, Eaddie baked some brownies and we all went to bed.

Mania

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hIlO

Yesterday was pretty sad all during the day. We dropped into Sonic for a super cheap meal, and then I decided to go to Harp’s just to check out what they had. The deli chicken actually looked pretty good, though they didn’t have a huge selection. It’d still be a decent option to switch things up, because there’s not really a good chicken place. I picked up some beer and cheap chicken leg quarters to share with Muad’Dib.

I was super down for the drive back, but Julie called to touch base just as we got into town. She really tried to stick up for me after Mom said I couldn’t go back to the old house. Then when we finally got back to the new house, Summer came out and told me about all of the shopping prep she did so we could have nice, hot meals when we get iced in this weekend.

Summer and I talked briefly and I started to feel a little better. My buddy Kevin also called to check in on me, and he was super positive as well. I wanted to stay home and talk to Summer a bit more, but Gary and I had been talking about meeting up, so I took Muad’Dib to get him and we went to Point Remove for some wings and beer. We had a pretty good time catching up, and then Summer texted me just as we were finishing up.

Things were up and down after that, but I crashed a bit early with a little bit of hopefulness that carried into this morning. Summer had to open the lube, but we talked briefly before she left. Muad’Dib and I got out of the house early enough that we stopped to get her some Burger King for breakfast on the way out of town. Then I made the last-second decision to get some Hardee’s for us as well, just before we hit the Interstate.

I was feeling pretty good about the day after that, and tried to stay relatively focused. We went to McDonald’s for lunch, then ran around in the parking lot for a bit when we got back to the office. The afternoon felt a little bit shorter because we ate late, and then Summer wanted to meet at Colton’s again for dinner.

I had time to change, but Muad’Dib and I still beat her to the restaurant, so I let him run around for a bit. After that, things kind of slowly went downhill again. I listened as she talked about work, but then we didn’t get to anything hearty and meaningful for our situation. All of my food was pretty awful, from a gristly New York strip, to a seemingly microwaved potato. Her salad even had an ice cube in it.

I took the long way back to the house, then brought in some firewood to let it stay warm and dry for the weekend. It was tough to get motivated again after that.

Up on Melancholy Hill sits a manatee, just looking for the day when you’re close to me.

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The Beginning of the End

I woke up surprisingly sober and full of positive energy after a painfully unrested night. I tried to rub some of that positivity off on Summer, but she hardly said a word to me until our kiss goodbye. We got to work and I felt pretty good all morning. I sat down with Teisha and talked to her for a long time about our history and what was going on. She was as supportive as possible, and then we went upstairs to as much productivity as we could muster.

Grant met me at Ortega’s for the all-you-can-eat lunch, and he was super hyped as always. I hate that we’re bonding over trauma, but he’s been an incredible pillar of support. We ate, and then I gave him a super quick walk-through of our office before he headed back to the restaurant.

The afternoon dragged on much more after Summer ignored my messages all day. I was spent by the end of it, and we walked out a few minutes early just to get to the house and try to keep the momentum up. It looked like Summer was still out looking for places to live, but they both showed up at the house right after we got there.

I got them to sit down with me in the living room to discuss the urgency of the whole situation. Summer is just over it, and is ready to explore solo life to find out who she is without anyone else there, and she wants no safety net. Eaddie repeated her concern that we’re just incompatible, and feels like we’d be better off apart. There’s still a lot of love, but too much negativity to continue moving forward, and they want a fresh start. They did agree to slow their hastiness so we could go over financials and find them a nice place to live so they don’t just settle out of a desire to leave.

I continued cleaning the kitchen, but it was a struggle after that. I’ve just never been big on waste. I did some laundry and cleaned the guest room so I could sleep there. It looks like I have nowhere to go, so the hunt begins.

Always at the whim.

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Apart

I left work when I saw Summer was home early. We got back to town just as she and Eaddie were leaving the house, but they pulled over at Kroger so I could talk to them.

I ended up at Ridgewood to see if Grant was there. I knew he was safe. I called, and he wasn’t there, but he came in from home and just hugged me. We came back to the house and talked for a long time. I realized I forgot my eyeglasses there, so he called someone to have them put them in the office for me.

The girls got home and I talked to Summer briefly. Grant left to have his family time, and I went with Summer to her vein appointment. Then we went to Bona Dea to walk with Muad’dib. Then we went to the house to get a coupon to go to Colton’s for a late lunch.

Neither of us ate much of our food. We boxed up the rest and came back to the house where she bathed for a while and I moved things out of the kitchen. We eventually talked for a bit, but it was for nothing.

Now we unravel the knot with haste and move along.

Decades.

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Death Spiral

I got up reasonably early again today, expecting to do some more cleaning and furniture assembly, but boy was I wrong. I felt pretty ignored all day. The girls went to the gym together, so I finished the leftover turkey bean soup and took a bath. Summer barely approached me when they got back, and didn’t acknowledge my response when she asked what was wrong, so I knew something was up.

She warmed up some pasta, but I didn’t end up eating with them. Mom had said she was making phở at some point, so I had been holding out for that. Eaddie left and I finally pinned Summer down to figure out what was going on. She acknowledged the same death spiral I had been feeling for the past few years. We talked for a bit, but it was mostly emotionless by that point.

I took Muad’Dib for a brisk walk to my parents’ house where Dad and Nova were already halfway through their soup. Mom made mine and I ate, and then we walked back to the house. I felt like our conversation after that was a little less doom and gloom, but we still don’t have anything actionable.

The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.

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Bummer Breakfast Biscuit

I finally got out early enough to go to Hardee’s for breakfast this morning, but they gave me the wrong item and I ended up getting a bit of a stomach ache from it. After that, it was pretty hard to focus all day long.

Joel brought Dexter today, and Muad’Dib immediately tried to go steal his toys one at a time. Then he got snippy with me when I tried to return them, and I had to make him sit in the floor next to me as punishment.

I went to Wendys for lunch a bit earlier than I’ve been going all week, and that made for a super long afternoon that I thought would never end. Charles had texted me while I was eating because they had computer trouble in the mix room, so I met him up there when I got back. I don’t know who does what with each computer up there, so all I could do was reset the password to get them in again.

When quitting time finally showed up, we headed to the house and I chopped some more wood for another fire. Summer got there and went for a bath before we ate some leftover bean soup. Then I put on Tomorrowland for about fifteen minutes before she walked away. I finished the night flipping through YouTube and finally went to bed late.

Bummer everything.

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Fired up for Nothing

I tried again to get out of the house in time for a Hardee’s breakfast, but settled for Burger King instead. It wasn’t bad, but I still miss Hardee’s biscuits. We got to work and immediately started getting emails about signatures that were mostly due to not following my very simple and thorough instructions. I tinkered with that for a while, and then kept busy with a few other new things. I was so engaged that we actually took lunch nearly an hour late. I just picked up some Subway and we sat in the office to eat and work.

The afternoon was short after that, though it surprisingly didn’t go by particularly fast. I started to climb up into the ceiling and immediately encountered some huge rat poop, so without a proper ladder, I immediately gave up on relocating the hallway access point.

We eventually made it back to an empty house, and I decided to chop some wood and start a fire. As I walked outside, Neal called for some computer advise. It was a typical goofy situation with no real way to provide valuable feedback, so I just chopped wood while talking to him through my earbuds. There were a couple logs that split super easily, and a couple more that I struggled with before setting aside.

The fire caught fairly easily with my cheater log, but it was a while before Summer got home. I got the TV ambilight set back up, and when she finally had her shower, I put on Mickey 17. She was completely disinterested, so we sat and drank until she went to bed. Then I finished the movie by myself before going to bed.

Sauce is the true litmus test of civilization.

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Muck Pot

Summer wanted Mulan’s all night, so she woke up wanting to be the first ones in line when they opened. I woke up feeling pretty terrible, so I did not make that timeline. She ended up going to the gym, and I finally felt well enough to go in the afternoon.

Eaddie stayed home with Muad’Dib since she had a friend coming over to get one of her keyboards. We made it to Mulan’s and they were quite busy, especially considering it was a late lunch. The food all looked horribly dry and gross though. Everything was overcooked and oversauced. Anything that wasn’t sauced was dry and chewy. For a while now, I’ve gotten less and less impressed by their food, to the point that I really only like their soup and desserts now.

By the end of it, we both felt a little off from the food. We headed back to the house, stopping first to get the carpet cleaner from my parents’ house. Eli had come over to watch more Breaking Bad, and Summer sat out there with them. I just spent the day alone and bored until I realized how late it had gotten and took Muad’Dib for a run.

We saw my parents again, then continued back to the house in the dark. I got Eaddie’s other keyboard stand assembled and set up in her room for the Casio CT-6000 she rescued from rotting in her grandparents’ house. Otherwise it was more bored alone time until bed.

August we’ll see.

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🥓

I anticipated feeling a little less than great today, but I actually wasn’t bad. We stopped for breakfast and had some pretty stale hash rounds, but Muad’Dib didn’t complain. The biscuit was great though. I had a lot of trouble pinning down one particular project all day, so I’ll be picking up the slack until our staff meeting next week.

We went to Wendy’s for a change, looking for some top-tier fast food. Their deals haven’t been nearly as good, but the food was easily twice as good as a deal anywhere else. Muad’Dib was a good boy in the car, and my burger was great. I finally managed to make a little bit of progress in the afternoon, but it was nothing of much use.

We had a decent ride home and immediately went for a run. Dad said they would have egg rolls, but Eaddie wanted to go have dinner with her father. Summer got home just before us, but didn’t feel well and wanted to soak in a bath instead.

The egg rolls were rubbery until they were air fried, and then we just had them with some rice since the noodles weren’t ready. I ate too much, and then we made it back to the house in the dark. Eaddie came home briefly and then left to practice, and Summer went to bed. I finished a couple hours early and took the opportunity to catch up on some sleep with the hopes of focus in the morning.

8R