Tag: family

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Toad Eye Four

We got up early and Eli came over so we could head to Conway for Summer’s Toad Suck Daze 10k. We got to the high school and dropped Summer off, and once the race was started, I took the kids to Sonic for a snack. We ate at the picnic table outside, then got back to the race just in time to find a place to watch Summer coming in for the finish line. We waited around for awards, but left once she found out she wasn’t getting anything.

I thought Randy was going to meet us, but we missed him. We went downtown early, before the festival was officially open, and wandered around the block for a bit. We finally landed at the Toad Dome where Summer wanted to watch baby races. The kids went to get a funnel cake, and then we all made it into the tiny bleachers to watch the toad races. They called for first-timers, and Eli got pulled up to race in the first round. He ended up getting a tiny toad though, and came in next-to-last place.

After that, we wandered down the block again and ended up having lunch at R&M Southern Eatery. They had a Cajun menu that pleased everyone. Eaddie got a huge pasta that she shared since she wasn’t actually that hungry. My gumbo was heavy on the rice and light on the gumbo, but tasted great. Eli had a pretty small looking chicken sandwich, but he said it filled him up. Summer was going to get chicken and waffles, but I talked her into chicken and beignes instead, which she loved.

After we ate, we headed across town and let the girls shop for a dress at Cato while Eli and I went to Dollar Tree for some snacks. That got us to the theater just in time for Thunderbolts*. I thought the movie was pretty good, but I wished they had spent some time explaining how they made Bob.

We left the movie and went across town so Eaddie could do some dress shopping for graduation. I got a pair of shoes to use an expiring reward, and Eaddie finally found some dresses at Old Navy. We headed home after that, and then I took Muad’Dib out for a run as the sun started to set. It was nice and cool out, so he was practically flying. We visited my parents for a little while, and made it home where I sat with Summer in front of the TV just briefly before she went to bed.

I want to be the one everyone can rely on if they make a mistake.

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Rawdoggin’

We had a mid-morning meeting that would last through lunch, so Randy wanted to swing through McDonald’s for some pre-breakfast. I rode with him and grabbed an iced coffee, and not long after we got back to the office, we headed upstairs to meet with a couple of Acer Premier Support representatives. Maggie brought Chick-fil-A breakfast for everyone, and then we sat through a bunch of training that could have probably been an email with the YouTube tutorial link. It wasn’t really required knowledge for me, so I was fairly disconnected and possibly a bit jittery from all the coffee.

I skipped lunch again, and the afternoon was for unearthing broken things. I couldn’t tell if we had actual replication issues with our domain controllers, or if there was something else preventing communication, but we definitely had issues communicating with the domain controllers. Randy ended up taking over, but that wasn’t what I intended. That sort of left me hanging for the day.

I had a pretty big anxiety attack on the drive home, but I made it. Eaddie and I chatted briefly while Summer was in the shower. They had spent the day together after Eaddie’s signing day and made Oreo balls while I ate some leftover shepherd’s pie. I was still a little bit hungry and got to craving some Taco Villa, so I ran across town to get an assortment to share with the girls. Eaddie had to leave for her appreciation concert as soon as I got back though, so Summer and I ate and then I quickly ran Muad’Dib before we met my dad at the Center.

We got there between songs by the concert band, and then moved to sit next to Dad for Eaddie’s symphonic band. I thought they did pretty great even if Eaddie thought they were awful. Eaddie and Eli both had surprise speaking parts, so of course Summer was stunned. She recorded their speaking parts, but quit when it came to the music. Moss composed one of their songs, called Grawlix, which was awesome. Then Summer had me record The Stars and Stripes Forever since Eaddie would be first in the piccolo line.

The kids went out to celebrate afterward, so Summer and I headed home and shut down pretty quickly.

Weep not for roads untraveled.

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Shame on Me

I managed to lock in this morning and had all screens going for maximum efficiency. Each answer led only to more questions, but that is often the case with so many hands in the cookie jar. I brought some leftover pizza and munched on that throughout the day, so I didn’t go to lunch. I just kept digging for our unknown domain controller, assuming that our problems were due to misconfigured DNS, and Kyle wasn’t able to articulate anything to help. I think I’m on top of something big, though.

The afternoon went by pretty slowly, but there were people through the office all day to keep things from getting too dull. Traffic home was horribly slow. Just after I got into town, a storm blew through and I could barely see ten feet ahead of me. Within my last mile I saw several large branches go down, and our driveway was flooding into the garage when I made it home. If I had realized how high the water was, I would have left the garage door closed and just run into the house by way of the equally flooded front walkway. At least the step up there would have been high enough to prevent water from coming into the house.

Summer was warming up leftover spaghetti while I ran around trying to direct the water from the driveway around the north side of the house. Eaddie and Eli tried to help just inside the door as I ran for things like the leaf blower, squeegee, and eventually a towel to keep from dripping all over the house. I don’t think there was any real water damage after that, and I got almost all of it out the door.

I ate with Summer while the kids studied in the living room, but she finished pretty quickly. As of last night we had plans to meet Shawna at Crystal Bridges on Sunday, but Summer said she backed out today because she has a new boyfriend with pictures to prove it. I wish that was more of a plot twist than any of us expected, but I just hope she finds what she needs.

Summer went for a bath while I spent some quiet time with Muad’Dib in the rain. I took care of some chores and then set up a new wireless microphone for Eaddie’s flute, which also involved testing out my old PA system. The kids played with that for a bit, then I cleaned up a bit in the kitchen before bed.

The sun doesn’t give light to the moon assuming the moon’s gonna owe it one.

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Two for Two; How ‘Bout You?

I went straight to the high school this morning, unannounced. That meant I arrived early enough that I didn’t see another soul for several minutes. I texted Jim to see where he was, and he eventually showed up after I had rummaged through Kyle’s office looking for some network ports. Jim and I went up to look at a couple of his tickets, and then we settled in the library again. I was there all day, quickly tweaking my task sequence to try and resolve the domain trust issue, as well as the driver issue after the OS deployment.

Kyle asked about lunch, and I found a place near us called Mr. Cajun’s Kitchen that everyone agreed to. We had one of the biggest lunch crews we’ve had, including Randy, Maggie, Jay, Kyle, Jim, and myself. Most of us got the blackened chicken and shrimp pasta at the recommendation of the girl at the counter, and it was super good. The lunch portion was a little bit small, but Maggie gave me her leftovers. Everyone really liked it, so that was a second win for my lunch suggestions.

The afternoon went by pretty quickly after that. Kyle came by to check out a possible DNS issue I found, but then didn’t really know what any of the forward lookup zones meant. I guess it’s an opportunity for me to learn more about the networking side since he doesn’t seem to have any interest. Jim left before I did, so I got a little bit lost trying to find my way out, but I eventually did.

The drive home was pretty raw and I got a bit jittery without anything to focus on. I took Muad’Dib out for a run to decompress as soon as I got home, but I cut us a block short to avoid some traffic. We visited Dad for a little while before making it home to Summer. She wanted to sit on the porch for a bit, so I sat with her there until she started asking about my day. That sparked a difficult conversation that we took inside, and eventually just had to step away for a bit until we both made it to bed.

Not me, feeling all these feelings!

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Alaska Dreamin’

An hour drive inside my head every day hasn’t been great. Between that and exhaustion, I don’t even remember most of the drive in to work today. I zoned out hard. Randy was back from his bereavacation and had a comically and expectedly foul reaction to being back at work. He confirmed my suspicions on the couple things I saved for him to look at, and then disappeared with Maggie for some meeting somewhere.

I had some coffee and tinkered for a while, but Jim needed some help with imaging at the high school. It was about lunch time, so Randy and I drove separately across the river to Gus’s World Famous Fried Chicken to meet Kyle. The spice in that chicken was exactly what my soul needed to find peace for about twenty minutes. Then we split up and I headed to the high school to find Jim.

He had laptops spread across a table in the library where he was trying to image, and they would join the domain but then immediately lose their trust, so he couldn’t log in without dropping and rejoining the domain. I didn’t have much time to troubleshoot, but I had a couple of ideas before I had to leave to meet Summer.

I got through town as quickly as I could and met Summer at the Conway Regional Imaging Center for her breast MRI. The appointment was actually quite a bit faster than either of us expected, but of course we have to wait a few days for answers. She was super hungry after that due to fasting in the morning, so we went to Los 3 Potrillos for an early dinner. I parked at a hotel charger while we ate and got enough juice to get home. The food was good and reasonably fast, and I got out for less than half of what I normally pay in Little Rock.

After we ate, Summer went to pick up tickets to Eaddie’s graduation. I went straight home and took Muad’Dib to my parents’ house to see Dad, then over to Walgreens to pick up my prescription. On the way back, he got overheated and parked under a closed drive-through awning to catch his breath. I took the opportunity to return a call from Michael, who wanted to borrow some speakers for Oakland’s Dancing Through the Decades party. We chatted briefly, and then Muad’Dib and I made it back to our neighborhood where we stopped to chat with Mason for a minute.

Once we got home, I started hammering out reviews for Vine to get my ratio up. I’m almost at the point where I have to start unboxing things that I had stocked up on, like light bulbs, in order to give a proper review. That should be easy, but time consuming, so I’ve got to lock in. Unfortunately my lock-in juice appears to be causing some swelling, and I have blood tests incoming, so I’d probably do well to sober up.

That guy sailed away, man. He’s gone. Probably crashed into an iceberg.

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Day Drunk Productivity Suite

We got up for breakfast this morning, but Eaddie left for church and it was just the two of us. I thought Summer was making pancakes, but she had actually planned to make biscuits. We ended up scratching the bread altogether and cleaned up some hash browns with eggs and sausage links instead. Then we had a couple Jumex Hard Nectars to get the party started. I was determined to drown out the heartbreak with productivity, so I cranked some tunes, started some laundry, and cleaned up a whole bunch of random stuff that had been sitting around for ages. Summer went to the gym, then came home and wanted to mow the yard while it was nice out.

I replaced Eaddie’s shower head with a dual rain head and handheld sprayer. Summer went to the store to get some salmon, Brussels sprouts, and sweet potatoes for dinner. I had a minor meltdown over a spice cabinet in complete disarray while I was trying to prep the salmon, so I had to reorganize everything before I could get the fish on the grill. My silver lining was that I was able to clean up at least three different seasoning mixes that we’ve had for ages. Summer whipped up some awesome sides, Eaddie had Eli over, and the four of us had a really great sit-down meal. Everything turned out super good in the end.

Muad’Dib and I went out for a run after dinner, but he was really only up for a casual jog. The first leg of our ride was eerily quiet, but we eventually saw some people and a couple of cars in the road. For a moment it felt a little too Twilight Zone. We got through the basin for a quick dip, then stopped to see my parents. Dad has had some leftover meat that Muad’Dib has been loving, so he didn’t get any extra treats when we got home. We sat on the porch with Summer, who was sitting back in quiet contemplation.

So much has been up in the air over the past year, and the past couple of months really brought out a lot of pain points that we’d just been kicking down the road. On top of all of that, she finally has her MRI tomorrow and she’s been super nervous. We’ll just have to attack each day as it presents itself.

You and I stargazing

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I Wanna Go Home, I Wanna Go Home

I woke up early today so I could accompany Summer to her 5k in Dover. The weather was really nice, so it would be a good day to take Muad’Dib and the Onewheel, which would help me pass the time. She met up with Kell, one of her employees from Splash, for his first race. I took Muad’Dib around the building on a leash before testing him without, and I think getting some energy burned off helped because he stuck by my side the rest of the day without any trouble. I ran into Amber while we were there, which was crazy after talking about her just weeks ago. I guess she’s the president of the River Valley Runners group since James has seemingly made it his sole purpose in life to run. We caught up for a little bit, and then Muad’Dib and I started to ride the course to find Summer.

Being able to ride around with Muad’Dib made the experience awesome, but I wasn’t sure how the runners or organizers might have felt about me riding around even if I kept some distance. It seemed like a positive experience for him though, so hopefully we can keep doing that in the future. He got to meet a bunch of people who were really excited to pet him.

Kell finished in first place for his age division and Summer made second in hers, but they only awarded first place. They took some pictures and then Summer and I headed home to drop Muad’Dib off before going to Stoby’s for breakfast. We shared a short stack of pancakes as an appetizer, and then she got her eggs benedict while I forced down a disappointing “Blast” that seemed poorly seasoned and dry.

After breakfast, we made an Amazon return at The UPS Store and then went to wash and vacuum out my car before our trip to Twin Groves for Alarie’s wedding. We still had time to kill, so we headed back home where Summer assembled the guitar stand I got from Vine. I started a load of laundry, but didn’t quite get it out of the dryer before we had to leave.

The wedding was at Hillbrook Farms, which was a simple slab with a big building on top of it, right by a small overlook. It was a fantastic day for an outdoor wedding, which seemed particularly lucky since we got rain later in the evening. Summer was excited to catch up with some old coworkers while I mostly stood by and counted knots in the wooden structure. I was happy to go, and Alarie has always been friendly and greeted me by name whenever we’ve seen each other, but I just didn’t know anyone else there. The ceremony itself was short and sweet, and Moe’s catered the reception, so there was a ton of good food.

On the way home, Summer asked me about my favorite part of the event, and she didn’t like any of my answers. Then she said she didn’t understand how I could be so in-touch with my emotions and respond the way that I did. I didn’t mean anything negative in what I said, but I told her I was just an extra in that scene. I didn’t know anyone. I was there to support her and her friends. That escalated talk took us most of the way home, but triggered my anxiety and was a perfect illustration of why our communication is always so exhausting. I think we at least found ourselves in the same book by the time we got home, but by then I just needed a break with Muad’Dib.

It was starting to get dark, so the air was nice and cool and Muad’Dib wore his little headlamp. It was a good, slightly shortened run so we could visit Dad before dark. Then we made it back home for a much better evening. The good days shouldn’t be so hard, but maybe this time we’ll find someone that can help us translate. If not, at least now she has considered trying to make friends through her races.

Everything. Everywhere. All at once.

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Unbreakable

I woke up just before my alarm this morning and made it to work pretty early. I really thought I had to get Jim’s imaging issue fixed, but he called me away to babysit a Google Meet interview in the boardroom. You would think with so many educated people in a room, they could figure out how to click the button to join a meeting. I wasn’t even that surprised to find it was the interviewee who couldn’t figure out how to show our video, but I could at least have the chief of staff pull the Meet up on his phone and prove that our video was broadcasting correctly.

After that, I decided to give Captain D’s a try since I was already on that side of town. The girl at the counter could not have been more disinterested, but somehow the food was really great. I stopped at Walmart for some drinks on the way back to the office, and finished out the day in relative quiet. I had also picked up some dog food on clearance, but was overcharged, so I stopped by Walmart again on my way out of town to correct that.

I got home and Summer and the kids were on the couch watching gymnastics. I went out to play with Muad’Dib for a bit. Eaddie left to go stay the night with her father, and Summer came outside to sit with me for a little bit. Things have been super volatile, which made it a terrible time to try and discuss any of our issues, so she yelled at me and stormed off. I gave her a minute before following her to the living room, and she yelled at me a bunch more. That was when I saw she had gotten a new tattoo that said “Unbreakable” on her left forearm, and it crushed me.

Once we had cooled off, she sent me to take Muad’Dib for a run. He did great, didn’t chase any geese, and got to play in the creek for a little while since I just needed to be in the air for a little while. We made it over to my parents’ house to visit with them, and he got some more leftover pork before we headed home. Mom had leftover bún thang, so I asked Summer to come have dinner with them. We used to go visit much more often, and it’s been a big issue for me that it seems like she never wants to make the time with my family. I explained this again, and was super happy that she agreed this time. It was a great visit and great food.

We talked a bunch more when we got home, and things shifted from good to bad and back again several times. I got some laundry done, and she got some sleep before her 5k in Dover tomorrow. I was ready to pass out at any moment, but had things to do.

You gotta give them to the land

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Waning Crescent

I woke up shaking with anxiety this morning that followed me most of the way to work. It eventually leveled out, which was good because Gary tried to help a lady in the office with a printer issue, and it quickly became my problem. Luckily Kyle walked in and it then became his problem when we discovered the switch port was tagged incorrectly, and the printer had been set up differently than whatever standard they eventually chose.

I fought slow deployment tests all day, but took a break to take Maggie to lunch with Jim. Somehow when I pay for her, we end up spending enough to feed three or four people, but it was her birthday. They both asked about Summer after I took the day off, so I shared a little bit of what we’ve been working through, and Jim joked that it sounded like we were married.

The afternoon went by pretty quickly and my single image test failed what I was trying to accomplish. On the way out, I got to see the giant lizard Maggie told me was living under the sidewalk. I headed home through some fairly slow traffic, stopping in Atkins to swing through Casey’s to redeem a freebie. Summer and I had discussed dinner earlier in the morning, so she had a shepherd’s pie in the oven when I got home. She was sitting at the dinner table doing some work on her laptop with a look on her face, so we talked a bunch more.

We mostly talked in circles over the same things. She said she was taking some time away from work just to stay away from the public for a bit, and I was glad she got to see some support from her team and leadership. I don’t think any of the talking was actually helping at that point since we’ve always had trouble communicating. We stopped for dinner with Eaddie, and the shepherd’s pie turned out awesome. Afterward she had to go to Tech to prepare for a concert. I tried to take Muad’Dib out for a run, but it started raining and we ended up sitting on the porch together instead. Summer came out and we got burned out from talking again, so we loaded up to go watch Eaddie’s Tech concert.

The concert was long, but the band was great. We were both pretty exhausted from the stress and the lack of sleep. I know my head dropped at least once while I had my eyes closed, listening to the music. We got home, shared some drinks, and wound down quickly for bed.

I got my change behind the bed, in a coffee can I throw my nickels in. ☄️

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PGA Tour

After the intensity yesterday, I knew I’d have to medicate today to keep the shakes down. I was early, so I just let the car do its thing to get me to the office, and from there I was actually pretty focused. I continued working in SCCM to fix some issues with Jim’s laptop deployment, but was still delayed by the network latency. At this point it would be much faster to just go to the high school and test my task sequences there.

I offered to take Maggie out to lunch for her birthday, but she said she had plans to meet a friend. She ended up disappearing for much of the day, so it was just the two old men and me, sipping my sweet tea all day. I didn’t eat my banana, and I wasn’t hungry for lunch, so I just plowed right through. I tried to stay hydrated, but somehow the lid to my cup popped off and I spilled 32 ounces of ice water all over the floor right outside our office. All I could do was shrug. I broke my cup and lid in the process, and to add insult to injury, they don’t seem to keep a mop in the closet with the other cleaning supplies. I had to use a rag to wipe it all up after wringing it out repeatedly.

The afternoon dragged by slowly, but quitting time eventually rolled around. I was exhausted and a bit dazed, but the car was a champ again. Eaddie called and wanted to know if we were going to go to Nebo with her, Eli, and my dad to take some more senior photos, so that was our new plan. I got home and tried to lay on the couch with Summer for a bit since she had gotten home fairly early. We started talking, and that continued off and on all night long.

The kids got there, followed by my dad, and we loaded Muad’Dib into the Pathfinder to drive up the mountain. Summer had to use the restroom, so we found the bathhouse first, then took some pictures at the overlook there. We still had quite a bit of daylight left, so we went around to the waterfall and took some pictures there. Our last stop was sunset point to get a few more shots as the sun set behind the clouds. I spotted a lone lady sitting on a rock staring into the distance, so I made a point to walk down by her with a smile and wish her well. I shared with her that I had spent many evenings there alone, and hoped that she was doing okay.

We stopped one last time at an overlook on the way down the mountain, and then headed home. My chat with Summer had kind of gone back and forth all day, but really took a defeating turn on the drive home. The way she digs into me and refuses any help unless somebody is forcing her makes me worry that I’m doing more harm than good just by being around at this point.

I didn’t find out until later, but Summer robbed my liquor cabinet on the way to take a bath. I warmed up some spaghetti for Eaddie and sat in the kitchen with her for another really great talk about how she basically wished we would split up. Coming from either of the other kids might have been an insult, but I knew what she meant. She just wants us both to be happy, and has a logical enough mindset that she sees a path forward for all of us. She recognized the decline of our relationship, especially after moving in together, and identified the core differences in our values and priorities. She especially didn’t want us sticking together on account of her, and hated that we’ve both been so unhappy in spite of how Summer says she feels. We discussed sitting down as a family to share our feelings, which is something I’ve struggled to get Summer to do even one-on-one, but Eaddie has proven time and time again that she has insight that both of us could use. She really is the daughter I always wanted.

I started to wind down, but heard Summer whimpering in the bedroom. By the time I got there, she was absolutely hammered and sobbing into her pillow from finishing my bottle of cocoa cayenne Bird Dog. In nearly eight years, I had never really seen her cry, and I’d definitely never seen her that drunk before. We “fought” for over two hours, mostly about me trying to get her to drink some water. I needed her to be able to open up emotionally, but in a more constructive way. We both called in to work, and I guess we’ll see if we can actually have an adult conversation tomorrow, but I’m betting on at least one hangover eating into that productivity. She is such an incredible woman, and we both learned and grew from one another a great deal in our time. I would still be broken in a big way without her. I never expected this to come to a head in this way. I’ve tried so hard, but I just don’t know if we can truly be good for one another in this kind of relationship.

Older than the ocean. Older than the night sky, I am.