Tag: frustration

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At the Table

We had a staff meeting this morning, and it was interesting to have a seat at the table. I learned a lot about the business in a short amount of time, and it doesn’t look like there’s any slowing down. Later in the afternoon, I had a meeting with Shane as well, and came up with a few tasks to actually resolve.

I took a rock to the windshield on the way home and got a round-looking fracture on the far passenger side of the glass. It looked like it formed a cone that went deep into the glass, so I don’t know if it will be fillable, but if it is, at least it will be out of my line of sight.

Summer worked really late. I stopped to see her for just a moment, then made it to the house to bake some potatoes for dinner. She fried potatoes the other night, and it looked like she left a bunch of small ones for some reason, including one that had been cut to remove a bad spot. I wish she had chosen differently.

Noah was still at the house, but Eaddie was nowhere to be found. He was in and out, smoking on the porch, and dragging his stank into the house. I opened some packages and then ate alone before taking Muad’Dib out on a walk. I helped Dad fold the pool cover when we stopped by there, then had a bite of some fried noodles Mom made.

It was a quick and frustrating winddown, but early to bed.

Un-

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Cold and Quiet and Hot and Slow

I didn’t hear from anyone today, so it was hard to get motivated without a real project to work on. I just dabbled in things all day. It was cold upstairs, so I ended up turning on my heated deskmat for a while. I had hot lunch in my office again, and then it was a super long afternoon.

Noah was still at the house when I got there, but said someone had work for him to do in the evening. He left, Summer got home and made some potatoes and Brussels sprouts to go with the leftover meats I smoked, and then I took Muad’Dib for a run. He was pretty sluggish, and I’m sure he’s ready for some cold weather.

what an outlook

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sdrawkcaB

I dragged out of bed this morning, and pretty immediately felt sick to the stomach. I got to work about half an hour later than I have been, but still within the parameters I was given, so I didn’t bother messaging ahead that I’d be late. I brought a container of some leftover rice, chicken, and veggies for lunch that looked a lot more like supper, but I was a little bit afraid to eat it.

I had an anxiety attack early on. Then I had a couple of meetings to sit in on, and felt mildly productive with some other things as well. I hope people like me.

I happened to go downstairs to warm up my food a little late and ran into Elizabeth as she warmed up her own. We ended up sitting in the breakroom to eat, and then Janice joined us. Elizabeth made a comment about someone who was voted one of the top nurses in the state, and then showed me a picture of my old friend Tiffany. I guess she’s dating Tiffany’s father, or something of the sorts.

The afternoon went by a little quicker, though I stayed a bit late and then got hung up in traffic for the second day in a row. I thought about stopping by Taco Bell to pick up a Tuesday deal I scored, since it would expire overnight, but ended up going straight to the house instead.

Summer and Eaddie were working on a chicken salad for pitas, and some guacamole for dinner, but it looked a lot more like lunch. It was really good though, and Eaddie brought Noah over to join us since he wrecked his car today, only then learning that his insurance had expired.

I took Muad’Dib for a run, visited with a little corgi named Kaylee, saw my parents, then made it home for the night. I gave him a good bath, and then tried to get to bed as quickly as I could. That was when I remembered Taco Bell. I couldn’t place a future order, and the kids wouldn’t pick it up for me, so Muad’Dib and I ran out to get it. To make things worse, the closer restaurant couldn’t make it, according to the app, so we had to drive all the way across town.

stank boys

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Super

I made everyone get up a little early today so we could get breakfast, hoping that we would make time for lunch or dinner later in the day. They had the same offerings as they do during the conferences I’ve attended, except for the addition of custom omeletts. I don’t recall having those during ACOT. The food was good, though I missed out on the poppyseed bread when they changed that out for cinnamon. My omelett was great.

After breakfast, we all got packed up and checked out. We had some time to kill, and it had been a little rainy, so we went to the Park Plaza mall. They weren’t open yet, so we waited in the parking lot for a little while before going in to browse. Summer kept chatting up a mattress sales guy in Dillard’s, so we were stuck there for longer than I wanted, but otherwise it was a fine time. We made it to the food court so they could get bobas, and I grabbed a pretzel and frozen lemonade.

Once we left that mall, we went across town to the Promenade to walk around. We really only went in to two stores, and one of them was the Apple store, so it didn’t really count. I felt a little bit conned because the girls had been talking about being excited to go shop, but then neither really jumped in to any of the stores, nor buy anything that I recall.

As movie time approached, Summer and I went in to AMC while the kids got ice cream. I got our snacks ordered, and then we got seated with plenty of time. Unfortunately I had been dehydrated all day and drank too much before the movie, so I couldn’t make it all the way through.

I thought Superman was awesome. It was a pretty big departure from anything we’ve ever seen, which was fine. It really dove head-first into a new, existing universe, and did so unapolagetically. It was pretty funny to watch a fight happening in the background while Lois and Clark talked in the foreground. Just another day in Metropolis.

After the movie, we headed back home and I took Muad’Dib out for a quick run before dark. Then he had a great bath when we got home. I’m trying so hard to reinforce behaviors, but it’s difficult when the girls don’t follow the same patterns. He knows who lets him get away with stuff.

It was tough getting everything done and ready for work in the morning. It feels like the girls forget that I’m tired too, and that I don’t like how little sleep I get while they’re already in bed for hours.

Man…

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F is for Family

I had to disable an account today, and it seems like the employee process could use some work. It’s also possible that having government regulations involved actually made schools more security-focused. The rest of the day, I spent mostly worried about being in way over my head compared to the last guy. I may have had another anxiety attack, but I also might have been remembering yesterday. At the very least, we are two very different individuals with brains that function very differently. This seems to be a theme lately.

It’s me. Hi.
I’m the problem.
It’s me.

I got out for some McNuggets for lunch, and then the afternoon was super quiet and difficult to stay focused. I meant to go to Casey’s for a slush after lunch, but forgot, so I stopped on my way home. I stopped again in Atkins for another one because the first one ended up being mostly air, but their machines were off. I stopped to see when Summer would be home, then got another one at our Casey’s after waiting in a checkout line that wrapped through the store.

Mom was making phở, so Muad’Dib and I ran over, arriving just as Julie did. Summer and Kevin both sat it out because they said it was too hot after spending all day in the heat. Food was good, but then Julie started prying about our issues at home. I mistook it for a safe space to vent, but it felt more like I was being grilled and blamed, so I walked out. Muad’Dib and I finished the walk, made an extra block to avoid a small, yappy dog, and opened some Vine stuff before putting the girls to bed.

Drink to the foam!

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Strangers Again

Muad’Dib didn’t want me to leave without him this morning. He followed me out and laid down behind my car, so I backed out slowly and tried to drive away. He ran after me, so I backed up to the driveway and Summer had to come get him. He laid down in the street, so she picked him up and carried him back home.

I had an anxiety attack sometime in the morning, and just sat at my desk as it passed. I sat in that room all day, staring at the screens in front of me. I had brought a bologna sandwich for lunch, and then had a conference call with our HubSpot rep at the end of the day.

It kind of seemed like Shane was a little slow to answer the rep’s questions, possibly because they hadn’t really had a sales strategy before, or at least not a formal process. This felt a little odd to basically be told that the business was doing really well without even trying. Obviously I’m still new to that world and lack any context, but it seemed to me that building an efficient and effective marketing and sales strategy could make things explode. I just hope I do a good job for them.

When I got back to town, I stopped to check on Summer at Superfast. She expected to be home after closing, but ended up right behind me when I got to the house. I waited until Mom was home from work and then headed over for dinner. Muad’Dib wanted to go out, so I let him run beside the car. He listened really well as I called out directions to him, and we got a couple stares from people we passed. I ended up stopping to pick up some poop, then drove him the last block.

My parents had left for the grocery store when we got there, so I dipped my toes in the pool while we waited. Once they got back home, Dad and I ate the chow mein while Mom did some more cooking. Then we headed back to the house so I could give Muad’Dib a bath.

It was a quiet night after that, though I would have liked to go to bed a bit earlier. The days feel like they’re getting longer.

left for dead

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Smoke and Fire

Summer made us bacon, egg, and cheese bagels this morning. I didn’t feel great for most of the day, but she wanted me to smoke some ribs. I had pulled out a frozen prime rib last night, and I figured we could go to the store to get ribs and anything else we wanted to smoke.

Muad’Dib really wanted to get out, so we took him and just let him hang out in the car while we went in to the Neighborhood Market. We got a couple racks of ribs, potatoes, asparagus, corn, a couple sausages, some chicken quarters, and a couple steaks since a lot of it was on sale. When we got to the house, Summer cleaned the potatoes while I got the smoker going.

I managed to fit both ribs, the chicken quarters, and the prime rib on the grill for smoking, and let it go for about four or five hours. I probably could have turned the temperature down even lower, but I didn’t get started as early as I intended, and I wanted to make sure everything finished on time. The chicken came off first, and then I had room to add the corn and steaks. As everything was finishing up, I turned the heat up to cook the corn and asparagus.

I guess the massive amount of meat had dripped enough grease that I immediately had a fire start burning out of control. Luckily I had the fire extinguisher in the kitchen, and that put it out really quickly without any fuss. The sausages and steaks were really the only things that got black from that smoke, but they should still be fine.

Eaddie had Eli over and the four of us all sat down to eat way too much. We didn’t even touch the chicken, but I bet it will be good to take to work with some rice. It was pretty quiet after we ate. I had been feeling extra depressed all day, so I just wanted to avoid any more interactions. I eventually took a shower and went to bed.

Yù Yī

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Go Fourth

I hardly got any sleep last night, and I’m not sure Summer slept well either, but we managed to get up in plenty of time to get her to Little Rock for her Firecracker Fast 5k. It started in a neighborhood, wound through the zoo, then ended at War Memorial Stadium. There were a ton of people registered, so I watched the sea of people flow through the starting line, then tried to make it down the road to the finish line.

Unfortunately they had roads closed off enough that runners actually beat me to the area. I ended up finding a charger at a hotel for a little while before making my way the long way around to pick up Summer. I was supposed to meet Kyle to give him the cooler he won, but he wasn’t out of the house before Summer finished, so I just delivered it to his girlfriend’s house through The Heights.

The neighborhoods we drive through were really neat, with a mix of really old and really nice looking homes. After that, we stopped nearby at The Buttered Biscuit for some breakfast and drinks. They were mostly empty, but only had two servers and asked us to wait. Luckily they got staffed quickly, because the restaurant filled up super fast. We got drinks, but my Surf & Turf Bloody Mary didn’t have most of the listed ingredients. Specifically, there was no shrimp, olives, pickles, or celery. Just a lonely strip of bacon, dropped in like a meat stirrer.

The food was mostly good, but somehow they messed up my scrambled eggs. They were overcooked, dry, and flaky. My chicken and waffle was good though, and Summer liked her Bacon Avocado Bennie. We also got some beignets that were great. Overall it was pretty good though, and I figured they were just thrown out of whack with the influx of runners.

We visited the wine store next door on the way out, then headed back home. I considered stopping for a movie somewhere, but we didn’t do a thing. Summer suggested we nap when we got home, but I don’t nap well. We lounged for a bit, I did some laundry, and then Summer got in a rush to go to Walmart to get some fruit for a picnic.

I was a little excited to go to the Supercenter since I hardly ever get over there any more. I don’t even remember the last time I went. We picked up a bunch of food, then browsed most of the store before leaving. Summer tried prepping our picnic several hours ahead of time, then got upset when I suggested that she didn’t have to do that. We just separated and left each other alone until it was time for us to start getting ready.

I gave Muad’Dib a bath since he had been outside overnight. He behaved pretty well, but I wish I could get him to shake on command. He let me clean his paws and scrubbed his fur a bunch. Then I took him outside for a blow-dried brushing. Summer completed packing the picnic, but for some reason decided to load everything into her wagon that wouldn’t fit into my car. I unloaded that, got everything into the car, and we headed to the mountain.

I only remember going to the mountain and seeing fireworks on New Year’s Eve, so I don’t think I’d ever seen them on Independence Day. We went straight to Sunrise Point and ate our picnic at a table. Muad’Dib minded reasonably well off-leash. When we finished eating, I loaded some stuff back into the car and we walked to the overhang. It was way too early to see anything, but at least it felt nice outside with a nice breeze.

People filled into the area pretty quickly as the sun went down. Overall I was kind of underwhelmed by it all. Having that many people around kind of killed the mood for me, and it wasn’t long before bugs started chewing up my legs. It seemed like we kind of led the exodus as we headed home.

I stopped at Casey’s for a slush on the way, then gave Muad’Dib a vacuuming when we got home. Eaddie was back from her day with Eli’s family. Summer went straight to bed, so I tried to lay with her for a bit, but she passed out.

Start to Finish

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This Ain’t It, Chief

I had a Soylent this morning when I got to work, and I think it really did help settle my stomach after the last few days. Joel said we could talk about HubSpot after I got settled in, so I went upstairs for a while. He eventually stopped by and we went down to the conference room to chat. I still really can’t tell what my day-to-day is going to look like, but it feels less based on specific projects, and more about just being ambitious enough to find things to improve. I could be way off base, but I haven’t really been given any other direction yet. I joked that it didn’t seem like this was an IT job, but I think it’ll be good for me. It feels like I’m moving in the right direction.

A little while later I went to MethDonald’s for lunch. The drive-through was packed, but even more people were standing angrily around the counter when I went inside. I had already placed my order online, but the app crashed and I couldn’t see the number. I eventually went to the counter myself, and a nice lady went back to make it fresh. All the while I watched as the druggies and teen mothers with barely any clothes paced back and forth, coming in and out the doors, to and from the counter.

My food was great, and the app ended up refunding me later in the day because it thought I never picked up my food. I made it back to the office and re-racked some stuff upstairs. Teisha came up and said they were shutting down at three, and luckily someone came to get me later because I had lost track of the time.

When I got back to town, I stopped to see Summer to see if I could finally install my yoke. I ran home to get the parts and tools, cleaned up the laundry room a bit in the process, and got back out there just before closing time. I had the process down, but the new connectors for the scroll wheels didn’t seem to have clips to release, so I ended up having to drive Summer’s car back home after they were closed so I could get needle nose pliers. I made it back, and Summer got angry because they hadn’t properly cleaned the pit. I finally got my old wheel loose, all the components moved to the yoke, and after a little bit of back and forth, got the yoke properly installed.

Summer headed home, exhausted and filthy. She sent me to Zaxby’s for dinner, and it took them over 20 minutes to cook our food. I had already planned to stop at KFC for some coleslaw, and they weren’t much better. That restaurant has gone downhill so far that it should just about be condemned. I listened as a young drive-through attendant yelled at a customer through the speaker. Then, who I presume was the manager, went to the window and yelled at him some more. He demanded his card back, then peeled out away from the building. Meanwhile, I appeared to be joined in the lobby by the special education class of 1975. I miss the glory days of going there for the lunch buffet with Allen and whoever else would join us.

I finally got home, and Summer had let Muad’Dib back inside without cleaning him. The frustration and disappointment and depression of the whole situationship washed over me, and he and I immediately left for a walk around the block.Of course I didn’t have a waste bag, so he pooped and I had to pick it up with a napkin I had in my pocket. We got home and I put him out back for the night, then unloaded my car before going to cool off in the bedroom. Summer came back to find me after a while, and fell to the floor in her own bout of frustration. I left her to go eat some cold chicken, then cleaned everything up and came back to put her to bed for her race in the morning. We laid down to talk for a little bit, but I’m really at a loss. Things are bad, but the fact that things are bad is making things worse.

Too much attention.

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TwoDay

I got Hardee’s again this morning and had a chicken biscuit on the drive in, then saved the country steak biscuit for an early lunch. I spent all day in my office just familiarizing myself with things and trying to remember where to find it all. I’ve been in the Google ecosystem for so long that Microsoft tools are cluttered and overwhelming, and it doesn’t help that my laptop runs pretty slow. It seems to always be pretty quiet upstairs, though people will pass by occasionally. The office and hallway echo a lot, so I’m more self conscious about the sounds I make than anything else.

I still had to get my car insurance paperwork signed, so I tried going to a local agent who sold Progressive in the afternoon. She was only a little bit snotty about not being able to help me. I grabbed a little double bacon cheeseburger and some Takis fries from Wendy’s, and though the restaurant was super slow, the food was hot and fresh. The fries were actually better than I expected.

The last couple hours of the afternoon went by quietly, and the lady across the hall poked her head in to ask how late I was staying. Without being given actual working hours, I let her know I could walk out at any point. She had a key to lock up, and figured we were the last ones there, so we walked out together through a dark office downstairs.

I drove straight home to find Summer and Eaddie playing Guitar Hero in her room. Eli showed up just a moment later, and then I jumped in to play a song with Eaddie and Eli. Summer wanted to eat after that, but I had to take care of a bunch of Vine stuff. She was stressed by it at first, but ended up really liking the things I got for her.

We eventually made it to Morelos for a surprisingly cheap dinner date. All these restaurants offering discounts to pay with cash, and charging extra to pay by card, are making me consider my options. I still hate how dirty cash is though. I’d rather keep my wallet lighter and keep their checks on the books.

Eaddie had Maristella and about half a dozen of her siblings over, and they were all watching TV and playing in the living room when we got home. I received a response from FutureMotion earlier in the day that my Onewheel was in for repairs. They said the controller module was replaced under warranty, suggested I pay $125 to have them replace the tire because it was “significantly out of round,” they replaced a loose gasket inside the motor “as a courtesy” that was causing a clicking sound that I had never noticed, that the battery module was somehow out of spec and would have to be replaced for $700 because it was only covered for six months rather than the whole year. That seemed like a lot of money for a $2,950 board, but the kicker was that they wanted $80 shipping to send it back to me.

But look at me, all made-of-money and shit.