Tag: sad

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💯

Predictably, I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. My mind raced, stuck in a maze. I eventually managed to pass out for a couple hours, but then woke up around 2:30 and decided to measure my blood pressure. I had great numbers, but then my mind started racing again and it shot up, again preventing me from going back to sleep. I moved around a bit, and even tried lying on the couch for a little while, but nothing worked. I finally climbed out of bed a little after three and just started getting ready for work.

My pressure rose the entire time, and the lump in my throat that I finally lost in the middle of the night was back. Luckily it was a slow ride in to work and I managed to avoid some frustration there. I was a few minutes early, but to no effect. Randy came in just after me and we chatted a little bit. Once he left for his executive team meeting, I sat in the dark until Maggie showed up.

My numbers weren’t awful, and I snacked for some of the morning. They still got pretty high by lunch, and then a McRib probably didn’t do much to help me. In fact, I kept skating just above 90mmHg diastolic for most of the afternoon, and the clonidine didn’t seem to have much effect. I had left a message for Crystal’s nurse first thing in the morning, but the only call I received was from someone at Baptist that called after receiving my info from the self-care fair.

Randy decided we could work from seven to 3:30, so I took off and beat most of the most annoying traffic home. Summer got there just after I did, and I took the dogs for a run with a little bit of daylight left. We went through the basin and around the roundabout to my parents’ house and up the hill before coming back home.

Eaddie got home just after I did, but spent some time chauffeuring friends before finally coming back home for the night. Summer sat quietly in the living room, and I ate the lettuce with some Miracle Whip and black pepper, then a banana before going to bed super early.

😓

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Keep It Under 100

I didn’t think I slept great, or for very long last night. I actually woke up before my alarm and decided to get up for work. I didn’t even get through the whole routine, but made it out the door early enough to take it easy going in. I didn’t really have any trouble for the drive in, and I think people were glad to see I was still kicking. I took my blood pressure cuff with me, and checked it several times throughout the day. In spite of taking it super easy all day, it got higher and higher to the point that I had to start taking clonidine around lunch time.

I met Randy and Jim at Jacob’s Wings for lunch, and I don’t think those helped me much. I had forgotten their “boneless wings” were more like sliced chicken strips, but they were good. It was a super quiet lunch, and then I headed back to the office to charge.

The afternoon was quiet too, and I tried to sneak out a little bit early to try and avoid traffic. I could feel the frustration rising, but I never really got a lump in my throat or felt bad at all. I made it home where Summer had been cooking turkey dumplings for dinner. I took the dogs out for a quick run in the dark, and they were pretty great. I almost slipped and died because the basin trail had flooded and left a slick layer of silt on the sidewalk, but I stuck the landing. We made it to visit Dad, then back home in good time.

I was excited at first when Summer and I sat down to eat, but that quickly turned to more frustration. She pulled the meat off of my turkey bones that I was going to use for soup, and didn’t actually cook any of the bones for her dish. That would have made it better than using powdered chicken broth. She also added heavy cream to the broth, as well as my entire container of turkey gravy for some reason. Her mood of course went sour the instant she knew I wasn’t happy about it. Since she was on a hot streak with the food, she also failed to run the correct cycle on the dishwasher.

I ended up leaving the dumplings at the table and pulled out the rotting salad she had forgotten in the fridge instead. I sorted out what was still edible and planned to eat it, but my blood pressure got too high. I took my third clonidine for the day and tried to calm myself down, but just kept upsetting myself further. I really don’t know how to fix any of this. I’m pretty sure living together is killing me.

Eaddie got home super late from something, but Summer couldn’t say what. I just had to separate myself and get to bed as quickly as I could.

I’m used to not having anyone on my side.

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Elon, Take the Wheel

I let the car take the onramp all the way to the offramp this morning, and only had to intervene once when it stupidly tried to pass in the right lane a block before it would have had to turn into the office parking lot. I just don’t get why it does obviously stupid things when it does so well at other times.

Randy wasn’t feeling well and ended up leaving after lunch. Nobody else came around, so I just went to Arby’s by myself and hung out there for the hour. I didn’t get into anything super complicated, and actually spent most of the morning waiting for Randy to show me a couple things, so I’m still feeling a little bit lost a lot of the time.

The morning happened to go by super quickly, so of course the afternoon dragged on. I decided to take the next two days off for recovery, so I headed home and then immediately took the dogs out for a walk. We went backwards this time, and went to the pond first to get a bit muddy. Then we stopped by my parents’ house before going up the hill and through Pinewood before making it home, where we took one more lap around the block before stopping.

Eaddie and Eli ate salad crap that Summer brought home, and I left out of frustration when I found an empty condiment shelf in the refrigerator. I ended up going to KFC to pick up a Famous Bowl, and then I went to the city park to eat at a picnic table. I sat there and enjoyed the weather for a while before going to the old house to check things out. There weren’t any toilets, so I ended up leaving sooner than I expected.

I didn’t want to go home though, so I immediately started Full Self Driving without a destination, just to see where the car would take me. I wondered if it would choose turns, or if it would just keep trying to drive straight as long as it could. It ended up taking a right at the stop sign, which made me think it was going to default to taking me home. It made it all the way across town, but then took the first exit out of the roundabout, which put me back on 12th Street all the way to Glenwood. There, it took its only left turn the entire night, and took me up to 2nd Street. There, it took another right and got through the stops all the way to the traffic light. It tried to proceed through green, but then hit the brakes hard right in the middle of the intersection because it couldn’t see the street. There just happened to be another car coming from the other direction, so the headlights probably didn’t help the matter. I pressed the accelerator to carefully nudge it through the intersection, and it continued on as if nothing had happened.

It ended up at sort of a dead-end, so it took a right and went nearly all the way to Oakland Heights before it took a sudden right to get back over to Detroit. Then we headed north, all the way over the tracks, and then took the first right out of the traffic circle on that side of town. It took me around the Parker Road bend, then all the way up the steep hill to get to Highway 124. We drove by the girls’ old house and ended up on the intersection of 124 and Weir Road. It took me back toward town all the way to Main Street before taking a right and going all the way over the bridge. After we made it through downtown, I finally told it to take me home, and it did. We made it just over 15 miles over the course of 35 minutes with absolutely no interventions, and I really only stopped because the battery was low and still hadn’t recovered from my drive back from work.

Summer was already in bed. Eaddie saw Eli out, I took out the trash. Eventually sleep.

Adventures with Machines

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Experience Depreciation

I got up extra early today so I could try and beat the new guy to work, but that failed for multiple reasons. I stopped at Taco John’s for breakfast, which ate up all of that extra time, but he also showed up a full hour early. Todd had already given him the tour, and as I would learn later, Samuel had actually given him a tour the week before last, while I was still there. In fact, Samuel was the one that called him the week that Blake told me they weren’t going to keep me, and told him they were looking for a new Tech Coordinator. The entire thing has been super shady, and it just made my day worse and worse until the end.

I walked around with him again and we visited all of the switch closets in the high school and elementary. We didn’t bother going anywhere else, and I probably won’t, except maybe Plainview to see if there’s anything out there that I want for myself. Maybe I could get lucky and find some rails.

We had several waves of kids come in for password resets, but otherwise it was relatively quiet. I had to keep telling him that I wished him the best of luck in spite of how crappy they’ve been to me, but secretly I just hope he gets the same and leaves them in a short amount of time. It’s just not fair that I invested all of that time and effort to fix so many major problems, and he gets to come in and ride the calm seas at a higher rate of pay with two fewer years of school experience.

I was the last one out of the office, and I had already relinquished my keys, but luckily Keith was there and I could borrow his to lock the office. I headed toward home and fed the fish, and got gas at Casey’s. Summer was making a baked spaghetti with pink sauce when I got home, and I just held her for a bit before I got changed and went out to sit with the dogs.

Summer called Eaddie home for dinner, and the three of us ate. Julie called because she saw a Cybertruck in town and thought it might actually be me. Then I went out for a run with the dogs. They did super well, ran hard, had some mostly solid poops, and for the most part weren’t too bad about getting distracted until the very end. It got dark fast, so we only stopped at my parents’ house long enough to say, “hello.”

I wound down pretty quickly, and everyone was off to bed. It was an awful, emotional, maddening day of being the better person, and the frustration of living by an unmatched code of integrity just made me incredibly sad.

And either I’m right and justice is never served, or I’m wrong and I go to Hell anyway.

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Nobody Asked You Patrice!

I caught the dogs in the act of digging under the fence this morning, and in spite of being in trouble, they were super excited to see me. I gave them some pets and treats with the hopes that they would stick around, and tried to cover up their start of a new hole, but they got out again while I was in the shower. As I was walking out the door, a new neighbor stopped to let us know. Summer woke up and got the front door just as I was discovering they weren’t in the back yard. Luckily we were able to get them back inside without too much trouble, but they were pretty high-energy.

There was no time for breakfast, and traffic was stupid. I got to work a little over 10 minutes late, but again, the place was mostly a ghost town. I submitted my vacation request form, though technically my contract will be over by then, and they don’t have to hire me again. I’m playing this one by ear. I ended up in Blake’s office and chatted with him for a while, and then a guy came in with three big bags of sweet corn for the school. I eventually got some for the office, and then took some home at the end of the day.

Other than that, my big human interaction was when Troy stopped by and actually sat down and chatted with me a little bit. I thought that was kind of neat, but I’m sure he mostly just needed a break from the heat. I eventually headed home and fed the fish.

I got to the house just as Summer was finishing up dinner. She thought it would be a good idea to cut up the leftover dried chicken and form patties with egg and bread crumbs. They were even dryer than the chicken was by itself, and it made no sense at all. I rolled the grill out and cooked some corn while I played with the dogs for a while. It sprinkled with a little thunder in the distance, and the dogs stuck around on the porch. It was really nice that we didn’t have to hunt for them at all today.

I wish they were trained well enough to take to work.

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Digdog

I checked on the dogs as soon as I got out of bed, and they had already dug their way out. I figured they were hanging out with a neighbor, but I never saw them when I eventually left for work, and neither of the girls looked for them in the morning. It was a long day at work without knowing anything.

I had another bagel and kept fairly busy with some more trivial stuff that may have actually been clues as to what keeps breaking parts of my network. Then at the very end of the day, I walked in on Harry watching a Strong Bad video in his office. I had to laugh, because I had just texted Gary a GIF of Salad Fingers earlier in the day. I told Harry that we hadn’t had much time to build rapport with one another, but that we were going to be good friends.

After work, I fed the fish and then headed home to try and find the dogs. I probably rode over 10 miles on the Onewheel, but forgot to start logging my ride at first, so I think I captured way less than half of my total ride. I stopped by my parents’ house once just for a quick break, and then again later to eat since Summer wasn’t hungry when she got home.

I lingered around outside for a while, but never saw or heard anything. I did find a couple other dogs loose in the neighborhood, so maybe they’ll still turn up, but I’m not particularly hopeful. If they don’t come back, I hope they find a better home.

Good boys.

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Roped Up

I actually managed to leave a bit early today, and grabbed a bagel on the way to work. My first order of business was to review camera footage to find who took my network equipment. Failing that, I just texted Todd and he fessed up to it. I don’t know that I believe he just “borrowed” it out of a need, more than “took it” to see if I would notice. At least I should be getting it back now, and I went ahead and placed a couple cameras in the core closet.

I spent much of the rest of the day building maps in VI MonitorPlus, so hopefully finding the right camera will be a bit easier now. Otherwise it was super quiet all day long. Becky said they were leaving a little early, so I didn’t wait behind.

Eaddie said she was going to Clarksville and Summer said she would be home a little late, so I fed the fish and then headed home to play with the dogs. Only Stilgar was around, and I considered that Muad’dib might have just run off for good. I put a leash on Stilgar and took her out for a walk on a rope to the end of the street. She did pretty well on the way out, but got stubborn on the way back and didn’t want to move. Maybe it’s the name. Stilgar fit when it was a scruffy-looking boy, but I don’t know if it’ll still be a good name for a mother, if that’s really what’s happening.

Once we got back home, I took the Onewheel around the block to look for Muad’dib, and ran into the neighbors as they walked their own dog down the street. She said he had been chilling out on their porch, so she returned him. I think he got out a couple more times in the evening, so I’ll need to fix that since the girls haven’t been able to do it themselves in a week’s time.

Summer eventually made it home, but wasn’t fit to go out anywhere. I had a coupon for some cheese dip from Stoby’s, so I went out to eat by myself. It was quiet there too. When I finished, I headed home and pet on Stilgar some more, but Muad’dib didn’t come around. He was probably in the neighbor’s yard again. Maybe Summer will have a new home for him soon.

dip

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Querious Planet

Kim was out today, so it was just Denice and me all day in the office. She spent all morning testing one kid, which seemed absolutely asinine for someone making more than $15,000 more than the newly overpaid minimum wage for teachers. It took me a little bit to get the motivation to dive into anything serious, but I eventually got word back on my Savvas roster import project, and I ended up working on that all day with a lot of help from Gary. I felt bad for being so needy, but it just wasn’t documented in any meaningful way for me, and they had already reinvented the wheel once before.

Time got away from me at the end of the day, and I got back to town a little bit late. I fed the fish and brought a bucket of trinkets home from the old house. Summer was home and already into the fresh leftovers from yesterday’s grilling. I went outside and cleaned out the gutters on the front of the house before coming back in to uncover and ultimately throw away a large container of spaghetti meat sauce and half of a pot of rice. When I went outside to put that in the dumpster, I found a fresh, unpeeled orange that had been thrown away for seemingly no reason as well. It would have been less infuriating if I hadn’t had to argue with both of the girls on separate occasions about eating my leftovers from the day we accidentally stumbled into Toad Suck. I’ve been feeling like an alien from another planet of people that give a shit about waste.

Rather than scream or yell, I just warmed up a little bit of leftover lasagna and corn from weeks ago, and ate that outside by myself. It started to rain a little bit, so I ducked under the porch. Dad said they had shrimp soup, so I left to eat with them and just get some space for a while. It’s no longer about feeling frustrated or angry all of the time. Now I’m just unhappy.

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3 Little 2 Late

I woke up early this morning so we could get to Tulsa for lunch. The girls were chittering around the rest of the house, so I stayed hidden away until I was ready to leave the house. They had disappeared in a cloud of body spray by the time I walked through.

I did another software update on my car, which wasn’t long after the last one. This one evidently gave me a 30-day trial of Full Self Driving, which would ironically only get me to the Tesla dealership in Tulsa where I would relinquish my car. I followed Summer most of the way, stopping at Rose Drug, then the Van Buren Supercharger, and finally the Love’s oasis. Somewhere before we hit the turnpike, a truck kicked up a bunch of large pieces of wood. One of them struck the middle of my windshield, but fortunately no damage was done that I could tell. After Love’s, I led us the rest of the way to the dealership where they seemed to be waiting with baited breath for me.

I only had a couple of pages of paperwork to sign, including handing the title back over. Then we unloaded all of the remaining stuff into Summer’s car and left it there to Supercharge while we test drove one of the brand new Model 3s and a Model X. The new Model 3 was incredibly quiet, and had a great ride. The doors were the other big improvement. The turn signals were less of an issue than I expected for normal driving, but in a pinch I would still want stalks to quickly signal and maneuver. The only solace is that the responsiveness of the vehicle makes it nimble and quick enough to maneuver around most other vehicles faster than any signaling might help, in that type of situation. I guess that’s what really matters, and signals can be left for more polite, less urgent driving.

After our test drives, we found a nearby Shoe Carnival to use a birthday credit I had. Then we crossed the street to get a free birthday burger from Red Robin. We were more disappointed than usual with our lack of “bottomless” fries when we sat down, so we ordered a couple more rounds as soon as our server brought our food to the table.

Bellies full, we headed back home with a nearly full charge. Headwinds made us stop to charge for a couple minutes in Ozark, and then we made it home without incident. I went out on the Onewheel to destress and stopped by my parents’ house. I was really sad about selling my car back, but the market price and current upgrades made it the right financial choice. It’s just nuts that I could buy a brand new one and still save money after the whole ordeal.

Once I got back from my ride, I cleaned up Summer’s car and put my aftermarket console trays in for her. All I want now is for her to keep the car clean, but she just doesn’t live that way.

Miss you in the saddest fashion!

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Less Than Marvelous

Ben texted that he was too late to meet for breakfast, and I noticed a couple of cars parked outside the Old Mill Bread Bakery & Cafe, so I swung in there to eat instead. The guy was just opening up, and had to leave to take his son to school, so he just left me with another customer in the store. Then Ben called after he realized the sessions didn’t start until 8:30, and met up with me just in time for the guy to make it back. I had a breakfast burrito and a scone with some coffee, but in hindsight I probably should have gotten something on BREAD instead of a premade spinach wrap. The food was good either way, and then we headed to the conference.

I went to a session about budgeting and finance, which I thought would be helpful to start the conversation with my business office and admin team. Hopefully I can come up with a decent proposal, and then use Technology money for a better salary. After that session, I went to Ben’s talk about Burp Suite, which was interesting. I was in a room with a very small number of very smart folk, but I wasn’t sure I had an immediate use for it.

The final session was the closing ceremony. Charlie was in Ben’s session, and he let me have his room key to get into the garage and charge. Then Ben and I sat through the closing remarks and went to the lobby for our bagged lunches. They didn’t have very many left, so we were lucky to get anything to eat at all. I figured he might stick around for a little bit to chat, but he actually ended up sticking around the entire time I was waiting for my movie. We chatted about all kinds of stuff, and then he helped me fix my eSchool student photos, which was awesome.

That left me just enough time to get across town to the IMAX to watch The Marvels. I had a reward for a free hot dog, purchased an ICEE, and sat down in my usual seat. There were only a few people there for the IMAX 3D showing on opening weekend, which I thought would be a good thing just for myself, but for some reason the bunch of old folks just kept talking through the entire movie. It would have been way more distracting if I had been more invested in the movie. I just couldn’t take it seriously at all. It was fine, but it was far from great. The dialog and plot just made it feel like another forced girl team-up movie.

After the show, I finally headed home. I stopped at the old house to check on things and air up my tires. Then I washed my car and headed to the house. Everyone was awake, but nobody heard me come in. Eaddie had left the Murano unlocked, so I made her go out and lock it up. Then I realized she left the back door unlocked, as well as the front door after she went out to lock the car. I don’t know how to correct these habits other than to make her life really annoying by making her go back outside repeatedly in the cold. Summer only got out of bed to use the bathroom while I unpacked and got things put away. I got my acrylic chair mat in, so I cleaned it and set it up under my desk. For one day, it seems like it will hold up alright, but only time will tell.

No appointing here.