Tag: sad

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Goulashes

It was a rough night, but I still woke up early to check on Muad’Dib. He had his head down all day, and it broke my heart how depressed he looked. I almost wished he had gone too, just for the sake of not being alone with whatever trauma he witnessed. He just hasn’t been right since we lost Stilgar, and I feel similarly. I tried to go back to bed for a while, but just laid awake with my mind rolling.

I eventually got around and spent some time outside with him before getting cleaned up to go for a run. I had been slowly organizing my thoughts for our Indianapolis trip, and needed to visit Dad to see what he had planned for taking care of Muad’Dib. We rode straight over to their house to visit, and then I took him backwards around the basin trail. He did great off-leash until we encountered a young guy spraying something on his lawn. Evidently he had an infant in a car seat in his garage floor, and Muad’Dib made a beeline for the kid as soon as it started crying. I ended up having to zap him multiple times to stop him dead in his tracks right by the guy, and I apologized profusely as I grabbed his leash and took him back to the road.

We got back home and I had a burrito for a late lunch and then paid my stack of medical bills. Eaddie came home and ate some of those leftovers with some Fritos as well, and then thought I should cook something with the extra macaroni that Summer made the other day. I eventually got back out of the house, washed my car again, then went to the Neighborhood Market for some hamburger meat and a bunch of snacks for our trip.

I ended up making a sort of goulash I found online, but with a twist of Rotel instead of diced tomatoes. I let Muad’Dib hang out with me in the kitchen while I cooked, and he was a super good boy. The girls were thrilled when they saw him inside, but I told them he couldn’t stay, especially while he was still dirty and untrained. The goulash was super easy, and the girls really liked it. It made a big pot of food, so we’ll have something to eat as soon as we get home.

The girls packed up and I took Muad’Dib for a quick night run back to visit Dad. Then I packed once we got back home. The girls went to bed super early as usual, and I just did what I could and powered through an anxiety attack.

As in the best it is.

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The Breakdown

I got up this morning to an empty house and checked on Muad’Dib. I didn’t have any messages about Stilgar, so I got showered and took the Pathfinder to visit Animal Control to see if they picked him up. In hindsight I guess I could have called again, but I was desperately hoping I’d get to bring him home. As soon as I got into the car, I saw how filthy it was from all of Eaddie’s junk in the passenger seat, center console, back seat, and trunk. There was crap everywhere, and the gas tank was empty to boot. I wasn’t even sure I’d make it to the shelter, so I turned around and went to Casey’s for some gas first. I redeemed a birthday donut and ate that in the parking lot, then made my way to the shelter.

The two ladies that were working said they hadn’t picked up anything like Stilgar, but immediately knew of him when I mentioned that Nancy had called 911 the day before. They said they had a couple people call about them killing cats, and that one of them, presumably the man, threatened to shoot them if they came around again. I think I knew it all along when Muad’Dib showed up by himself, but it really sank in when I got home and found the “final warning” door tag they had just left on our front door before I drove over.

I brought the leashes in from the car and had an absolute screaming fit before going outside to hold Muad’Dib. He hadn’t been eating, but he would take a few kibbles out of my hand if I offered them. We went out riding around to look for Stilgar, but didn’t hear a thing in the neighborhood. It was almost eerily quiet. We went all the way up Inglewood and visited the bank so I could pay Dad back for writing my sales tax check to the DMV. I realized I didn’t have my wallet once I got to the window, so we had to ride back home to get that, then made it back to the bank.

We waited longer the second time, but eventually got the cash and rode back to my parents’ house to give the money to Dad. That was when I realized they shorted me by 95 cents. We got back home and I got Muad’Dib situated in the backyard. Then I changed clothes and decided to take some returns to The UPS Store and then wash my car before going back to the bank for a third time.

The UPS Store visit was short and sweet since I took care of all the re-taping at home. The car wash was mostly out of soap, so it was a short wash. As I sprayed the side of my car, I noticed a fleck of white appear on the driver side rocker panel. Paint had actually flaked right off under relatively light pressure. I suspect they’ll try to deny it under warranty, but I feel like it’s worth pressing. Finally, I made it all the way back across town to get my missing 95 cents, and took Aaron for a ride in the new Model 3. I took him to our house since he had driven down Inglewood anyway. After I dropped him off, I went by the Neighborhood Market to get some hamburger meat to make tacos and clean up the veggies we still had at home.

I was unboxing Vine deliveries when Summer came home, and I was nearly shaking from the confrontation I knew we were about to have. Then she hit me with, “Why have you been ignoring me?” “I’ve been exhausted and in a tremendous amount of pain from riding 25 miles looking for my dog.” “You’ve been ignoring me all week.” I trembled as I yelled at her to leave me alone, and had another screaming fit in the laundry room after she slammed the back door going out to see our one remaining dog.

I eventually gathered myself enough to try and talk to her, but then after nearly eight years, she finally felt something strongly enough to yell at me. She was mad that “everything was her fault.” Ironically, that was precisely why I was mad as well. Of course she was wrong, but of course I wasn’t going to give her a list of all the stupid things she’s done on a daily basis to make my life more difficult at best, no matter how many times she asked me to name something. It was mutually assured destruction.

I had to clean myself up and went back outside to hold Muad’Dib, but knocked on the door to tell Summer she could come out too. She had calmed down and wanted to go to the gym, but I told her I had stuff to make burritos and that I hadn’t eaten anything all day. Then I asked her the question that’s been buzzing in my head for weeks: Did she book a hotel in Indianapolis with car charging?

“I don’t know.”

Eaddie got home just as Summer left for the gym, and we talked for a while as I cooked. We both ate, and then I had to go back to the store to get some Theraflu for my parents. Everyone was pretty much off to bed by the time I got home for the night, and I was up late stewing in my head for the next few hours.

Broke the Bank

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Stilgone

I didn’t get to bed until nearly four o’clock last night, and I awoke around 9:30 to a text from Dad that his neighbor Nancy had called 911 to alert animal control about the dogs again. Seconds later, Summer walked in and said she had been driving around looking for the past half hour looking for them before coming back to wake me. I immediately took off on the Onewheel while Summer went back out in the Tesla.

I had ridden about 14 miles when Mom called to say they were there, so I sped back to their house to find Summer and Dad with Muad’Dib. Stilgar was nowhere to be found, and Muad’Dib had blood on his front-left leg, and walked with a bit of a limp. I took him home slowly, calling for Stilgar along the way, but we never found him.

I had to take a break after that to charge the Onewheel, so I cooked a couple eggs to eat with the mushy rice that Summer made a couple weeks ago. Then I had to rush through a shower so we could make it to Tech for Eaddie’s send-off concert. It was just their two Indianapolis groups having a practice concert, and then we went straight back home so I could ride around some more while Summer went to the gym.

Muad’Dib and I went all over the neighborhood, and I let him go off-leash with the hopes that he would lead me somewhere. He behaved super well, but was slow, and I felt like he knew he was in trouble. Between that outing and then going out again after dark, we totaled nearly 24 miles but still could never find any sign of Stilgar.

The girls spent all night doing laundry after that. Summer got into her feelings at the gym, but I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with her. I did what I could to try and find Stilgar, and we’ll just have to hope I find him at Animal Control tomorrow, but I just couldn’t imagine only one of them getting picked up because they go everywhere together.

That’s a dome light.

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Family Reuniration

I didn’t sleep great on the hard, flat, box spring-like mattress last night, but it could have been worse. I was pretty tired, but not as tired as I would find myself after another full day with the family. Dad got up and started making some breakfast. I made it downstairs and made myself a couple eggs to eat with the rest of the Ethiopian leftovers, and it was absolutely spectacular. I may have some eggs with the last of the injera tomorrow. Bác Trân brought a load of shredded pork with him for some reason, and kept setting out bowls of it in the kitchen, so I kept eating little bits of it any time I would pass by. Mom always made it with chicken when we were younger, but it was all pretty similar.

Julie ended up taking the adults to get some food for Uncle Tuan while I got ready to go. I hate shower curtains because they always blow in toward the shower. This one was twice as bad because my shower had a window with a curtain that stretched the span of that entire wall. So there I was, taking a shower between two full-sized shower curtains, having a terrible time. It could have been worse too.

I noticed a vehicle parked out front before Julie got back, but he got out when she pulled up. He was here about a couple maintenance issues she reported, and then he was gone. We headed on back to Park Village to visit with the family, and Uncle Tuan seemed to be doing much better than the night before. He seemed to be all smiles, had eaten all of his soup they brought him, and Julie even had him talked into rolling outside for a bit of sunshine.

I wasn’t ready to blame it all on her, but when Lan showed up, things seemed to shift. The Vietnamese started flowing, so nobody else could keep up. Their voices escalated as they always do, and we could see Uncle Tuan’s smile shift to mild anguish and eventually some tears. It was all we could do to force all of the adults out of the room to have their discussion elsewhere, but from that point on, Uncle Tuan was back to being disinterested. I don’t know how much of him was ever there, but the family needed to make a better effort of keeping things positive around him.

Dad found us a room across the property and I said my peace. Then Julie and Lan came down and Dad and I ended up going back to sit with Uncle Tuan. We watched Teen Titans, but didn’t make any other progress after that. Eventually the rest of the family came back around and they wanted to go eat, so we drove up the road to Phở Hoà for a late lunch with Lan’s family.

The food was pretty good, and then we had them over to the Airbnb for a tour. I caught up with Summer while she walked the dogs, and the elders took a nap. When they were ready to go back, Julie and I dropped them off while she went to a wax appointment in the city. It happened to be right next to the Best Buy, so I went there to stand by their Pixel Watch display and borrowed their charger to get my watch back up to 97%.

Julie actually finished before me, but I found her at the car and we headed back to the home to visit. Lan had brought him some more food from home that he ate, which seemed to have spirits up again, but then he was getting a little hazy from his evening medication so we left for the night.

Lan really wanted to show off the house she just bought, so we drove way across the city to see that. She was there with one or two sisters, but I couldn’t be sure without speaking the language. She had some nice things, but overall it felt more like a college roommate situation than anything else. We stood there for a while before we finally made it out.

Julie and I spotted a Jack in the Box nearby, and I was a little bit surprised to see that it piqued her interest as well. We stopped on the way out to try and get some food, but they were only open for drive-through. Julie wanted to order at one closer to the Airbnb so the food wouldn’t get so cold, even though it meant driving past our exit and then turning back. Neither restaurant had good reviews, and they definitely messed up our order, but it was interesting having a late-night munchies type meal with the elders.

After that, everyone fell out pretty quickly. It was a long, difficult day, and I honestly couldn’t predict whether the next two days will be even more difficult, or if they’ll turn around. Eventually a decision will have to be made, and I just don’t know how well it will go for someone who thinks it’s 1990-something.

Oh, how I’ve missed these little talks.

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Half Awake

I got to sleep in a little bit from my normal work schedule, but still had to hit the ground running. I had all but a couple of things packed and ready to go and thought I might have enough time to take the dogs for a quick run, but after staying up so late to pack, I just didn’t make it out. Dad felt like we were super late, so he sped over to get me and then had to go back and get Mom, but they could have just finished loading themselves up first.

After a harrowing trip across town, Julie took over and got us to the airport. We got parked, through security, and onto the plane without any trouble or much wait. Things seemed pretty quiet in the airport. We had a straight shot to Charlotte, but then that airport was under major construction. It was a mess getting out of there, but we finally got our rental van and made it to the Airbnb.

It was an old house, next to some brand new construction, all behind a church. It seemed like an odd place, and just a couple blocks away there was a coliseum where Jo Koy would actually be performing on the Saturday after our departure. The house was pretty rough, and it basically looked like someone moved out and filled it with a bunch of cheap furniture to rent out. I suppose it suited our needs at a better price than multiple hotel rooms, but I think I would have preferred something with better housekeeping.

We didn’t get to spend much time settling in because we had to get back to the airport to get Bác Trân. If anyone thought it was a circus before, then I don’t know what it turned into at that point. It was a wonder he didn’t get kidnapped, but with some help from a kind stranger we found him and loaded him up. Julie wanted to look for food, but we went back to the Airbnb first to get him settled. I finally got a call from the Genesis Cancer and Blood Institute to schedule my visit, and of course that’s another two weeks out. Then we ended up going to an Ethiopian restaurant just up the road called Abugida.

We struggled to get some help with the menu at first, but after talking to who I presume was the owner, we ended up on a big platter for all of us to share. It all came with one spoon for serving, and the rest was eaten with our hands. I think it went much better than any of us expected, and the food was great. Mom ended up using the spoon to load her injera, but everyone got fed.

After we ate, we went further into the city and found a Trader Joe’s, which I think was too organic for everyone but Julie. Mom wanted some sweeter coffee creamer, and they didn’t have any eggs, so Dad and I walked to Target a couple of blocks back. Julie drove Mom and Bác Trân to meet us, and we got the rest of what we needed. Importantly, I got some Simply Spiked and mango Blue Moon for Julie and me.

Most of us were up too late once we got back to the house. I eventually had a video call with Summer to catch up. Julie and I sat in the dining area on our laptops for a while, and eventually everyone but Mom and Bác Trân went to bed. They stayed up in front of the TV until the wee hours of the night, talking too loudly and watching gameshows.

Half Asleep

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Those Christmas Lights

Summer got me up around nine this morning so I could get the turkey going. To my surprise, we were approved for the zero percent loan for my new car with a low down payment, so I took care of that and made the final payment before I got started. Then I kept Summer nearby because I wasn’t sure what I was going to need at any given moment. I used my new grinder to grind the spices down for the injection. It worked better, but still ended up clogging. I think it had more to do with the fact that the butter was solidifying in the syringe since the turkey was still cold inside. We eventually got it on the smoker though, and then it was a race to get everything else going. I oiled and salted the potatoes and threw them on the grill as well.

Summer did a bunch of other cleaning and worked on her deviled eggs. I took a shower and then pulled the potatoes off the grill so I could gut them, mash that up, and re-smoke them. We were getting down to the wire, but had a reasonably good morning until I got a text that Mom wasn’t coming. I had my hands full of potatoes, so I had Summer call Dad on speakerphone. I instantly blew my top at her because she wanted to blame my blood pressure, but changing plans at the last minute was what really got me hot.

I got the potatoes back on the smoker and cranked up the heat a bit, which turned out to be a big mistake. I guess there was still some grease at the bottom that caught fire, and my temperature shot up from my set 350ºF to over 500. We pulled the potatoes off and Summer finished them in the oven. I was going to drive over to talk to Mom, but just then Kevin showed up, followed by Julie with various things to unload from the car. Dad wasn’t far behind with even more stuff.

We got everything settled and then I took Dad’s car to go talk to Mom, since he and Julie were parked behind us. I talked to her briefly and apologized for blowing up, but reminded her that a big reason that I agreed to buy our house was so we would have room to entertain the family for the holidays, in a house with as little travel from theirs as possible. It didn’t take much more for her to come back with me, but she insisted that she didn’t want to stay long.

Noah was running behind in the most characteristically unpredictable way, so the seven of us ate. I thought all the food turned out pretty good. After that, we took a break to open presents. Eaddie had the biggest haul and wanted to know what she did to deserve to be so spoiled, but I think everyone felt pretty satisfied. After that, it was a bit of a struggle to decide what to do. I wanted to either watch Red One or start on some dessert, but Summer was busy cleaning up in the kitchen and became unresponsive to anything I asked. Julie ended up putting on Elf and they watched that while a few of us got some dessert.

Dad took Mom home, and Eaddie had Eli come over for some presents. Then they put on the Michael Jordan documentary series or whatever on the TV again. Noah finally showed up at some point and ate food and opened presents. I wasn’t terribly upset that he didn’t end up staying the night. Once everyone else left, the girls and I watched Red One together before bed. We all really enjoyed it for being so creative and unexpected.

I wrapped up the night by making some more turkey soup from the new bones we had. I was up pretty late waiting for it to cool down enough to refrigerate, but I was happy to be done with it right away instead of letting the bones sit for weeks.

Light up the street.

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Down ‘Till Out

I didn’t sleep very long, and it hurt all day. I got up and warmed up the last of the pizza for brunch. Summer did some work from home, and I did a load of dishes. I eventually had a shower and took the dogs out for a nice, long run. Mom and Dad saw me by the roundabout and circled around to holler at me, but there was traffic. We kept running through the neighborhoods until we got home.

I cleaned up some more stuff in the fridge, and roasted the turkey carcasses in the oven so I could make soup. Eaddie was playing in a community concert at Tech in the evening, so we eventually got around for that. Summer and I ran by Walgreens first, but the pharmacy was closed. She needed a lemon, so we ran to the Neighborhood Market for that, then picked up Dad for the concert.

I was surprised at how many empty seats there were, on account of how many people were playing in the band. It was a decent concert for a single day of rehearsal. Then it was back home where Summer crashed and I cooked down the turkey bones into soup. I was up pretty late taking care of that, so hopefully the end product is worth it.

Bone Sifter

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💯

Predictably, I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. My mind raced, stuck in a maze. I eventually managed to pass out for a couple hours, but then woke up around 2:30 and decided to measure my blood pressure. I had great numbers, but then my mind started racing again and it shot up, again preventing me from going back to sleep. I moved around a bit, and even tried lying on the couch for a little while, but nothing worked. I finally climbed out of bed a little after three and just started getting ready for work.

My pressure rose the entire time, and the lump in my throat that I finally lost in the middle of the night was back. Luckily it was a slow ride in to work and I managed to avoid some frustration there. I was a few minutes early, but to no effect. Randy came in just after me and we chatted a little bit. Once he left for his executive team meeting, I sat in the dark until Maggie showed up.

My numbers weren’t awful, and I snacked for some of the morning. They still got pretty high by lunch, and then a McRib probably didn’t do much to help me. In fact, I kept skating just above 90mmHg diastolic for most of the afternoon, and the clonidine didn’t seem to have much effect. I had left a message for Crystal’s nurse first thing in the morning, but the only call I received was from someone at Baptist that called after receiving my info from the self-care fair.

Randy decided we could work from seven to 3:30, so I took off and beat most of the most annoying traffic home. Summer got there just after I did, and I took the dogs for a run with a little bit of daylight left. We went through the basin and around the roundabout to my parents’ house and up the hill before coming back home.

Eaddie got home just after I did, but spent some time chauffeuring friends before finally coming back home for the night. Summer sat quietly in the living room, and I ate the lettuce with some Miracle Whip and black pepper, then a banana before going to bed super early.

😓

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Keep It Under 100

I didn’t think I slept great, or for very long last night. I actually woke up before my alarm and decided to get up for work. I didn’t even get through the whole routine, but made it out the door early enough to take it easy going in. I didn’t really have any trouble for the drive in, and I think people were glad to see I was still kicking. I took my blood pressure cuff with me, and checked it several times throughout the day. In spite of taking it super easy all day, it got higher and higher to the point that I had to start taking clonidine around lunch time.

I met Randy and Jim at Jacob’s Wings for lunch, and I don’t think those helped me much. I had forgotten their “boneless wings” were more like sliced chicken strips, but they were good. It was a super quiet lunch, and then I headed back to the office to charge.

The afternoon was quiet too, and I tried to sneak out a little bit early to try and avoid traffic. I could feel the frustration rising, but I never really got a lump in my throat or felt bad at all. I made it home where Summer had been cooking turkey dumplings for dinner. I took the dogs out for a quick run in the dark, and they were pretty great. I almost slipped and died because the basin trail had flooded and left a slick layer of silt on the sidewalk, but I stuck the landing. We made it to visit Dad, then back home in good time.

I was excited at first when Summer and I sat down to eat, but that quickly turned to more frustration. She pulled the meat off of my turkey bones that I was going to use for soup, and didn’t actually cook any of the bones for her dish. That would have made it better than using powdered chicken broth. She also added heavy cream to the broth, as well as my entire container of turkey gravy for some reason. Her mood of course went sour the instant she knew I wasn’t happy about it. Since she was on a hot streak with the food, she also failed to run the correct cycle on the dishwasher.

I ended up leaving the dumplings at the table and pulled out the rotting salad she had forgotten in the fridge instead. I sorted out what was still edible and planned to eat it, but my blood pressure got too high. I took my third clonidine for the day and tried to calm myself down, but just kept upsetting myself further. I really don’t know how to fix any of this. I’m pretty sure living together is killing me.

Eaddie got home super late from something, but Summer couldn’t say what. I just had to separate myself and get to bed as quickly as I could.

I’m used to not having anyone on my side.

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Elon, Take the Wheel

I let the car take the onramp all the way to the offramp this morning, and only had to intervene once when it stupidly tried to pass in the right lane a block before it would have had to turn into the office parking lot. I just don’t get why it does obviously stupid things when it does so well at other times.

Randy wasn’t feeling well and ended up leaving after lunch. Nobody else came around, so I just went to Arby’s by myself and hung out there for the hour. I didn’t get into anything super complicated, and actually spent most of the morning waiting for Randy to show me a couple things, so I’m still feeling a little bit lost a lot of the time.

The morning happened to go by super quickly, so of course the afternoon dragged on. I decided to take the next two days off for recovery, so I headed home and then immediately took the dogs out for a walk. We went backwards this time, and went to the pond first to get a bit muddy. Then we stopped by my parents’ house before going up the hill and through Pinewood before making it home, where we took one more lap around the block before stopping.

Eaddie and Eli ate salad crap that Summer brought home, and I left out of frustration when I found an empty condiment shelf in the refrigerator. I ended up going to KFC to pick up a Famous Bowl, and then I went to the city park to eat at a picnic table. I sat there and enjoyed the weather for a while before going to the old house to check things out. There weren’t any toilets, so I ended up leaving sooner than I expected.

I didn’t want to go home though, so I immediately started Full Self Driving without a destination, just to see where the car would take me. I wondered if it would choose turns, or if it would just keep trying to drive straight as long as it could. It ended up taking a right at the stop sign, which made me think it was going to default to taking me home. It made it all the way across town, but then took the first exit out of the roundabout, which put me back on 12th Street all the way to Glenwood. There, it took its only left turn the entire night, and took me up to 2nd Street. There, it took another right and got through the stops all the way to the traffic light. It tried to proceed through green, but then hit the brakes hard right in the middle of the intersection because it couldn’t see the street. There just happened to be another car coming from the other direction, so the headlights probably didn’t help the matter. I pressed the accelerator to carefully nudge it through the intersection, and it continued on as if nothing had happened.

It ended up at sort of a dead-end, so it took a right and went nearly all the way to Oakland Heights before it took a sudden right to get back over to Detroit. Then we headed north, all the way over the tracks, and then took the first right out of the traffic circle on that side of town. It took me around the Parker Road bend, then all the way up the steep hill to get to Highway 124. We drove by the girls’ old house and ended up on the intersection of 124 and Weir Road. It took me back toward town all the way to Main Street before taking a right and going all the way over the bridge. After we made it through downtown, I finally told it to take me home, and it did. We made it just over 15 miles over the course of 35 minutes with absolutely no interventions, and I really only stopped because the battery was low and still hadn’t recovered from my drive back from work.

Summer was already in bed. Eaddie saw Eli out, I took out the trash. Eventually sleep.

Adventures with Machines