Tag: sad

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Square Wheel Keep On Turnin’

I woke up hungry today, but I tamed that with a Soylent. I’ve been under-stimulated and under-motivated, but I played around some more with PiSignage and its less-than intuitive interface. I didn’t decide on lunch until we got outside, and then decided on Wendy’s. Muad’Dib looked back at me through the windows with jealousy, so he got a treat when I finished. Then I let him run back to the office from the very end of the street. That boy misses the Onewheel as much as I do.

The afternoon was a little more focused, but only just. The drive home had more traffic than I expected, which got worse as we got to town. I should have let the car take the first exit like it wanted. It knew better than me. We ended up going around our normal route at the last exit, and finally made it to the house.

The girls were home so we could chat about Eaddie’s band trip, but I guess I had figured most of it out before I got there. I wanted to book a hotel, but that didn’t happen. They got distracted by the television, and then I warmed up food for Summer and myself. We just can’t all stay focused on one thing ever. Then I got upset with Eaddie because she and Eli left about a quarter of a steak worth of scraps in the trash, which I fished out for Muad’Dib.

I thought I had caught a rat because I didn’t see my bait, but evidently something got to it without falling in. I added some more bread, then started some laundry to finish up the night.

I don’t wanna wait

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The Cat’s Outta the Fence

I felt a little better this morning, and stayed fairly physically busy all morning trying to make a patch cable out of some crappy, old wire. I went through a couple sets of ends before I gave up in favor of a different option. We went to Arby’s for lunch, and then I called to reserve a room for the Cavalcade of Magic when we got back to the office.

We were parked and sitting in the car, and Muad’Dib and I watched as a cat stalked through the grass on the other side of the fence that divides our property from the Interstate. I was still wrapping up my call when he started whimpering. The cat was out of sight and I thought Muad’Dib had given up, but as soon as I let him out, he ran out the front gate and leapt over a part of the fence that was leaned over. I wasn’t even sure he would be able to get back across due to the way the fence was leaning and how far he jumped. Luckily the cat ran back toward me instead of toward the highway.

They ran toward the building, and then the cat got into the drainage pipe that goes under the road, so luckily Muad’Dib didn’t fit. I got hold of him and gave him a good kick to the rear, then dragged him back to the car to get collared. We went inside and it wasn’t long before we were called down for cake to celebrate Elizabeth’s upcoming wedding.

We surprised her in the breakroom, had cake, and visited briefly before finishing up the afternoon. I got a text that counseling could be in-person tomorrow, so I got permission to leave at lunch time and finish the day from home. We got to the house a little while after Summer, though she was still sitting in her car when we got there. She bathed and I ate some leftovers, and then we watched YouTube as she passed out on the couch.

After she went to bed, I finished the evening filling out a bunch of intake paperwork for tomorrow. For now, it’s more of the same.

At least one of us has laser-focus.

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MexiMash

I had been looking forward to lunch at Ortega’s all week. I didn’t really figure Grant would show up, but that was okay. Summer didn’t leave town either, so I just ate alone. I think this may have been my best plate yet, with a tostada, chalupa, chicken enchilada, and chili con queso. I threw some chip crumbs on top, and basically had some epic nachos. I felt a little woozy in the afternoon, but we survived.

Kaleb stopped in for help with some SharePoint nonsense, which still confuses me, but it worked well enough for him. I struggled with some HubSpot reporting for the rest of the afternoon and left no better. We stopped in to Brown’s for a gift card, and then Summer encountered us at the El Paso intersection and followed us to Ridgewood where I got another gift card just from myself.

When we got to the house, Summer and I had a heated conversation about her having to open and then work late again tomorrow to repair a broken belt at the wash. She was told not to go, but insisted that she wanted to, and she didn’t seem to understand how this felt like she was choosing work over family yet again.

We talked a bit, she bathed, and then we sat in front of the TV, flipping through YouTube until bedtime. Nothing else written or discussed, cleaned or dust’.

Wax off.

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All or Nothing

Friday was good until it got bad enough to become good again. I stayed pretty busy at work, but struggled in the afternoon as the girls went looking for houses. I stopped by PetSmart when we got back to town, because I needed something to interrupt how I was feeling, and I got Muad’Dib a bunch of treats. Mark needed some computer help as well, so I stopped to see him for a bit too. When I got home, I managed to sit down and talk with Summer for a long while, and eventually we were able to agree that they would slow down long enough to breathe and catch back up from all the recent heaviness. We’ll give it three months without any more of that added stress, and focus on some therapy and heavy communication to see if we can maintain some momentum with our positive change. Eaddie came around and I took them to Waffle House for a late dinner, and we had a good time.

Eaddie was gone all Saturday, so I took Summer to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. They were depressingly slow compared to Old South, and after eating our food, we figured out why. We went back to PetSmart to use another coupon for some food, and then briefly stepped into T.J. Maxx before making it back to the house. We cleaned up a bit and stayed busy most of the afternoon until we decided to go to New China for dinner. I wanted to stop to see my parents on the way back, and Summer nervously went along. Mom had a surprising amount to say, and Summer came home upset for a while, but we talked a little more before bed and then woke up with clearer thoughts.

Summer got some Spam and I made breakfast sandwiches for the three of us. Eaddie left and Summer went to the gym, and I cleaned up the kitchen. Later on, we walked to Walgreens with Muad’Dib to try and get Summer’s prescription, but they were closed. I eventually warmed up some spaghetti for dinner, and at some point the day before we had started watching Wonderman, so we continued that in the evening until bed.

Document the process and build a roadmap to success.

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But They Were, All of Them, Deceived

Summer went in to open this morning, and I did a pretty good job of staying on task most of the day. I stopped to make an Instant Pot split pea soup for a late lunch, expecting Summer to be home just after one. She texted to have Eaddie get dressed to go pick up her car from Maristella’s, but after they were gone for a while, I saw that they had actually been looking at a couple of rental houses, and never even drove by Maristella’s. I texted, then called, and her response was that they weren’t trying to be deceiving, but discovered the new listings and wanted to check them out while they were in town.

I had to take a break to shower, and then we sat down to talk when they got home. There are just so many layers of trauma to peel back, and we’ll never be able to get through it all alone. I felt like we had a good talk, but Summer hated it. I think if we can at least commit to some therapy, it will go a long way.

Eaddie left with Eli for a while, so Summer and I ate some soup. I sat with her for a while, and tried to comfort her the best I could. For now, we continue to ride the waves.

Tough Nut

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CTRL-Z

I had trouble staying warm today. I got up with Summer as she left for work, and tried my best to focus on just about anything. I ended up taking a long bath to regulate my temperature.

Summer had to stay over three hours late because of call-ins, so I ordered some Domino’s to take to them. I made Eaddie come with me so we could try and get her car from Maristella’s. We got the pizza and went to the wash where there were actually only two of them working. Eaddie and I ate a little bit, though she had just eaten a grilled cheese and tomato soup. Muad’Dib enjoyed getting out and continually whined the entire time he was in the car.

When we left the wash, we went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. Eaddie split off from me to find something for her cross stitching, but couldn’t find what she needed. I just got what I needed for a split pea soup. We slid by Maristella’s on the way back, but they weren’t home, so Eaddie couldn’t get her keys.

When we got back to the house, Nick was outside trying to shovel their driveway. I offered my newly-unboxed snow thrower, which made quick work of their driveway. Muad’Dib enjoyed running around for a bit before we went inside.

I spent the rest of the evening documenting monthly expenditures to present to Summer, since she seemed to feel as though she was being cheated in the way we split our bills. In the end, things worked out even closer than I expected. She got home and bathed, and then I gave her a recap before she went to sleep.

Most of our biggest disappointments with other people come from our expectation that they will handle situations with our mindset, heart, and values.

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Wear

Summer got up to go to work this morning so they could start cleaning up the properties. I was worried she would get stuck in the driveway, but she actually got out just fine. I tried to get things warmed up a little bit in the house, and then started working from home. Eaddie was up and wanted tuna for brunch, so I made a whopping three cans of that for pitas. I eventually got cleaned up, and I thought Summer was going to pick up some groceries so I could make a split pea soup, but that didn’t happen.

By the time she got home, Summer just wanted to bathe and watch TV. I made some rice to go with the leftover chicken and vegetables, and warmed up the spaghetti for the girls. They watched Storm Chasers for a bit, and then I followed Summer to the bedroom where she watched Jungle Cruise. Afterward I tried talking with her some more, but she just started getting really negative again, and I couldn’t break her out of it.

I went to my office for a while to wrap up the evening, and had an anxiety attack just as I was getting ready to go to bed.

because an echo is always followed by silence.

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Never Stop Never Stopping

I slept in a little bit since I would be working from home today in the ice. Summer got up and made us corned beef hash for breakfast. Eaddie was eventually dropped back off at home, so the girls sat in the living room cross stitching all day.

Dad went out sledding, so Muad’Dib and I walked his direction and encountered him walking toward us. He went down a couple good hills, and Muad’Dib had a good run. We encountered a flock of children out doing the same, and before long I had to get back to work.

Summer eventually started on some tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and then Eaddie wanted to watch something that wasn’t funny or serious, so I put on the crab rave video. I think that pretty much nailed the assignment, but then we watched Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. Eaddie and I found it to be pretty funny, but Summer went through the whole movie with a contorted face.

After that, Eaddie baked some brownies and we all went to bed.

Mania

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Fire and Ice

It was a little harder to get up this morning, and I just wanted to stay in bed a little longer. Summer took Muad’Dib out into the snow again, and I made some breakfast for us, which ended up being our only meal for the day. I fried some potatoes, shallots, and garlic with any spices that spoke to me from the cabinet. I fried the eggs before I remembered there was bacon, so that was a little late. everything was really good though.

Summer sat cross stitching again for nearly the entire day. I had trouble keeping a roaring fire going for her, and bounced around trying to clean up some more. I had an anxiety attack sometime in the afternoon, but otherwise I just tried to keep things a little lighter than they have been.

Eaddie never came home again, so Summer didn’t make her tomato soup. I went outside and tried to use my show thrower, but the ice was a bit too hard for it to work super well. It wasn’t bad, but I also wasn’t dressed for the work.

We ended the evening with a big bowl of popcorn and Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3. Things seemed better by the end of it, but all I can do is continue to put in the work to clean up what we have.

Fire Poker

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On Top of Spaghetti

We got up fairly early today. Eaddie spent the night with Maristella, so Summer and I ate some leftovers for an early lunch. I got a fire going for Summer while she cross stitched all day, and got a load of laundry done. We walked up the cul-de-sac with Muad’Dib to let him get out a little bit, but Summer didn’t want to go any further than that. We could tell the streets were going to be sheets of ice after a day or two of refreezing, because they were already packed down hard.

Later in the afternoon, we started making the spaghetti to let it simmer a while. I thought it was going to be really liquidy, so I left the lid cocked just a little bit. That ended up being a bad idea, because it dried out and burned on the bottom. Fortunately, even as blackened as it was, it didn’t ruin the whole pot. We added some more pasta sauce we found in the pantry, and I added some water, and later some pasta water to help it out.

Summer had been struggling all day, and wanted to eat on the couch. I didn’t want to make a mess, and had cleaned the dining table for us to eat, so I ate out there by myself. The food was great though, in spite of me trying to burn the place down.

Eaddie never made it back home, even by foot as they had discussed yesterday. The ice continued, so we’ll see how it looks tomorrow.

Connect, dammit!