Tag: work

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Alaska Dreamin’

An hour drive inside my head every day hasn’t been great. Between that and exhaustion, I don’t even remember most of the drive in to work today. I zoned out hard. Randy was back from his bereavacation and had a comically and expectedly foul reaction to being back at work. He confirmed my suspicions on the couple things I saved for him to look at, and then disappeared with Maggie for some meeting somewhere.

I had some coffee and tinkered for a while, but Jim needed some help with imaging at the high school. It was about lunch time, so Randy and I drove separately across the river to Gus’s World Famous Fried Chicken to meet Kyle. The spice in that chicken was exactly what my soul needed to find peace for about twenty minutes. Then we split up and I headed to the high school to find Jim.

He had laptops spread across a table in the library where he was trying to image, and they would join the domain but then immediately lose their trust, so he couldn’t log in without dropping and rejoining the domain. I didn’t have much time to troubleshoot, but I had a couple of ideas before I had to leave to meet Summer.

I got through town as quickly as I could and met Summer at the Conway Regional Imaging Center for her breast MRI. The appointment was actually quite a bit faster than either of us expected, but of course we have to wait a few days for answers. She was super hungry after that due to fasting in the morning, so we went to Los 3 Potrillos for an early dinner. I parked at a hotel charger while we ate and got enough juice to get home. The food was good and reasonably fast, and I got out for less than half of what I normally pay in Little Rock.

After we ate, Summer went to pick up tickets to Eaddie’s graduation. I went straight home and took Muad’Dib to my parents’ house to see Dad, then over to Walgreens to pick up my prescription. On the way back, he got overheated and parked under a closed drive-through awning to catch his breath. I took the opportunity to return a call from Michael, who wanted to borrow some speakers for Oakland’s Dancing Through the Decades party. We chatted briefly, and then Muad’Dib and I made it back to our neighborhood where we stopped to chat with Mason for a minute.

Once we got home, I started hammering out reviews for Vine to get my ratio up. I’m almost at the point where I have to start unboxing things that I had stocked up on, like light bulbs, in order to give a proper review. That should be easy, but time consuming, so I’ve got to lock in. Unfortunately my lock-in juice appears to be causing some swelling, and I have blood tests incoming, so I’d probably do well to sober up.

That guy sailed away, man. He’s gone. Probably crashed into an iceberg.

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Unbreakable

I woke up just before my alarm this morning and made it to work pretty early. I really thought I had to get Jim’s imaging issue fixed, but he called me away to babysit a Google Meet interview in the boardroom. You would think with so many educated people in a room, they could figure out how to click the button to join a meeting. I wasn’t even that surprised to find it was the interviewee who couldn’t figure out how to show our video, but I could at least have the chief of staff pull the Meet up on his phone and prove that our video was broadcasting correctly.

After that, I decided to give Captain D’s a try since I was already on that side of town. The girl at the counter could not have been more disinterested, but somehow the food was really great. I stopped at Walmart for some drinks on the way back to the office, and finished out the day in relative quiet. I had also picked up some dog food on clearance, but was overcharged, so I stopped by Walmart again on my way out of town to correct that.

I got home and Summer and the kids were on the couch watching gymnastics. I went out to play with Muad’Dib for a bit. Eaddie left to go stay the night with her father, and Summer came outside to sit with me for a little bit. Things have been super volatile, which made it a terrible time to try and discuss any of our issues, so she yelled at me and stormed off. I gave her a minute before following her to the living room, and she yelled at me a bunch more. That was when I saw she had gotten a new tattoo that said “Unbreakable” on her left forearm, and it crushed me.

Once we had cooled off, she sent me to take Muad’Dib for a run. He did great, didn’t chase any geese, and got to play in the creek for a little while since I just needed to be in the air for a little while. We made it over to my parents’ house to visit with them, and he got some more leftover pork before we headed home. Mom had leftover bún thang, so I asked Summer to come have dinner with them. We used to go visit much more often, and it’s been a big issue for me that it seems like she never wants to make the time with my family. I explained this again, and was super happy that she agreed this time. It was a great visit and great food.

We talked a bunch more when we got home, and things shifted from good to bad and back again several times. I got some laundry done, and she got some sleep before her 5k in Dover tomorrow. I was ready to pass out at any moment, but had things to do.

You gotta give them to the land

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Waning Crescent

I woke up shaking with anxiety this morning that followed me most of the way to work. It eventually leveled out, which was good because Gary tried to help a lady in the office with a printer issue, and it quickly became my problem. Luckily Kyle walked in and it then became his problem when we discovered the switch port was tagged incorrectly, and the printer had been set up differently than whatever standard they eventually chose.

I fought slow deployment tests all day, but took a break to take Maggie to lunch with Jim. Somehow when I pay for her, we end up spending enough to feed three or four people, but it was her birthday. They both asked about Summer after I took the day off, so I shared a little bit of what we’ve been working through, and Jim joked that it sounded like we were married.

The afternoon went by pretty quickly and my single image test failed what I was trying to accomplish. On the way out, I got to see the giant lizard Maggie told me was living under the sidewalk. I headed home through some fairly slow traffic, stopping in Atkins to swing through Casey’s to redeem a freebie. Summer and I had discussed dinner earlier in the morning, so she had a shepherd’s pie in the oven when I got home. She was sitting at the dinner table doing some work on her laptop with a look on her face, so we talked a bunch more.

We mostly talked in circles over the same things. She said she was taking some time away from work just to stay away from the public for a bit, and I was glad she got to see some support from her team and leadership. I don’t think any of the talking was actually helping at that point since we’ve always had trouble communicating. We stopped for dinner with Eaddie, and the shepherd’s pie turned out awesome. Afterward she had to go to Tech to prepare for a concert. I tried to take Muad’Dib out for a run, but it started raining and we ended up sitting on the porch together instead. Summer came out and we got burned out from talking again, so we loaded up to go watch Eaddie’s Tech concert.

The concert was long, but the band was great. We were both pretty exhausted from the stress and the lack of sleep. I know my head dropped at least once while I had my eyes closed, listening to the music. We got home, shared some drinks, and wound down quickly for bed.

I got my change behind the bed, in a coffee can I throw my nickels in. ☄️

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PGA Tour

After the intensity yesterday, I knew I’d have to medicate today to keep the shakes down. I was early, so I just let the car do its thing to get me to the office, and from there I was actually pretty focused. I continued working in SCCM to fix some issues with Jim’s laptop deployment, but was still delayed by the network latency. At this point it would be much faster to just go to the high school and test my task sequences there.

I offered to take Maggie out to lunch for her birthday, but she said she had plans to meet a friend. She ended up disappearing for much of the day, so it was just the two old men and me, sipping my sweet tea all day. I didn’t eat my banana, and I wasn’t hungry for lunch, so I just plowed right through. I tried to stay hydrated, but somehow the lid to my cup popped off and I spilled 32 ounces of ice water all over the floor right outside our office. All I could do was shrug. I broke my cup and lid in the process, and to add insult to injury, they don’t seem to keep a mop in the closet with the other cleaning supplies. I had to use a rag to wipe it all up after wringing it out repeatedly.

The afternoon dragged by slowly, but quitting time eventually rolled around. I was exhausted and a bit dazed, but the car was a champ again. Eaddie called and wanted to know if we were going to go to Nebo with her, Eli, and my dad to take some more senior photos, so that was our new plan. I got home and tried to lay on the couch with Summer for a bit since she had gotten home fairly early. We started talking, and that continued off and on all night long.

The kids got there, followed by my dad, and we loaded Muad’Dib into the Pathfinder to drive up the mountain. Summer had to use the restroom, so we found the bathhouse first, then took some pictures at the overlook there. We still had quite a bit of daylight left, so we went around to the waterfall and took some pictures there. Our last stop was sunset point to get a few more shots as the sun set behind the clouds. I spotted a lone lady sitting on a rock staring into the distance, so I made a point to walk down by her with a smile and wish her well. I shared with her that I had spent many evenings there alone, and hoped that she was doing okay.

We stopped one last time at an overlook on the way down the mountain, and then headed home. My chat with Summer had kind of gone back and forth all day, but really took a defeating turn on the drive home. The way she digs into me and refuses any help unless somebody is forcing her makes me worry that I’m doing more harm than good just by being around at this point.

I didn’t find out until later, but Summer robbed my liquor cabinet on the way to take a bath. I warmed up some spaghetti for Eaddie and sat in the kitchen with her for another really great talk about how she basically wished we would split up. Coming from either of the other kids might have been an insult, but I knew what she meant. She just wants us both to be happy, and has a logical enough mindset that she sees a path forward for all of us. She recognized the decline of our relationship, especially after moving in together, and identified the core differences in our values and priorities. She especially didn’t want us sticking together on account of her, and hated that we’ve both been so unhappy in spite of how Summer says she feels. We discussed sitting down as a family to share our feelings, which is something I’ve struggled to get Summer to do even one-on-one, but Eaddie has proven time and time again that she has insight that both of us could use. She really is the daughter I always wanted.

I started to wind down, but heard Summer whimpering in the bedroom. By the time I got there, she was absolutely hammered and sobbing into her pillow from finishing my bottle of cocoa cayenne Bird Dog. In nearly eight years, I had never really seen her cry, and I’d definitely never seen her that drunk before. We “fought” for over two hours, mostly about me trying to get her to drink some water. I needed her to be able to open up emotionally, but in a more constructive way. We both called in to work, and I guess we’ll see if we can actually have an adult conversation tomorrow, but I’m betting on at least one hangover eating into that productivity. She is such an incredible woman, and we both learned and grew from one another a great deal in our time. I would still be broken in a big way without her. I never expected this to come to a head in this way. I’ve tried so hard, but I just don’t know if we can truly be good for one another in this kind of relationship.

Older than the ocean. Older than the night sky, I am.

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Whiskey Business

I was absolutely riddled with anxiety all day long. MacLeod got me to work safely and I did my best to settle in. I’ve been really surprised at how quiet things have been, and I wondered when the techs actually got any work done since Jimmy and Gary have been spending nearly all day, every day at the office. I got into the script server to run a manual sync for a new sub, which prompted a call from Randy while he was out on bereavement. I had it handled, so all was well.

Time seemed completely irrelevant, and I continued to wring my hands and tap my feet because I think I knew what was coming. I skipped lunch and tried to focus on Mosyle until I had to stop and help Jim with an OS deployment on one of the new Acers he got for the high school.

The drive home was the worst, as tics slowly took over all motor control. Then, as if I had been building up to this moment all day long, Shawna texted and then called to set expectations. Selfishly involving her in our own troubles had caused more harm than the help I was meant to provide for her. It would have been different with any other person in the universe, but there was no way she had thought of me the way I had thought of her for all this time. I couldn’t help but to freefall.

By the time I got inside, I was shaking pretty violently. Summer was warming up leftover spaghetti for dinner, but found me shivering in the corner of the closet. I don’t know how long we talked from that point, but after an anxiety attack, I wasn’t in a position to interfere with anyone or anything else. I quickly found the Fireball to keep myself from making any surprise trips out of town, and sat down to eat with Summer.

After our expectedly awkward dinner, I took Muad’Dib out for a run. He was amazing even when we encountered other dogs, including a loose poodle around the basin. He took a quick dip in the creek, and then we went back up and through the roundabout before making our way to my parents’ house. Dad came out with some leftover pork loin for him, and then we made it home where Summer and I sat out on the porch together for a bit.

The evening wound down pretty quickly after that since I wasn’t fit to put much brain power into anything else. Eaddie got home late and came to visit me briefly, and I eventually found my way to bed.

But what if it had actually worked???

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Nine-Tenths

I was severely sleep deprived, but I managed to get going and made it to work almost right at seven this morning. Gary was the only one that beat me there, but he was still smoking in his truck as I walked in. Johnny had called me just as I was taking my exit, so I continued to talk to him for a while after I got to my desk. Randy was out, but there wouldn’t have been much going on even if he was there.

Ben texted about lunch, so I met him at Flyway Brewing near the arena, and we shared some fried deviled eggs, and both got their smoked chicken wrap special. Everything was kind of “elevated” in some way, and tasted super good. We chatted for a while, and then I had to wait in the parking lot while a truck pumped something out of a hole in the ground.

The afternoon was super slow, and everyone snuck out a little early. I stopped in Morrilton for some beer, and then Summer and I spent some time together once I got home, before I took Muad’Dib out for his run. The weather was really nice for our ride, and he did pretty great. Once we got home, I sat on the porch and had some beer with Summer while we chatted. As it got dark, I set up my table tornado fire pit and we chatted until Eaddie got home.

By then it had gotten fairly late, so I put Summer to bed. Just as I sat down to wrap up, Shawna messaged to check on us, so I called and we talked for quite a while until bed.

Crash Time

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Keep Summer Safe!

I made it to work early again, but it was a sleepy drive both to and from after missing some sleep. I dug into SCCM some more, but didn’t really make any headway with my issue. The whole day just dragged on since it had felt like it should be Friday for the past three days.

Randy took me to North Bar to meet Jim and Kyle, and then Jay showed up as well, so I scooted to the adjacent table with him. I was super disappointed in the burger I got, due to the size and limited toppings. It was the most basic hamburger you could imagine, with almost nothing on it. I ate Jay’s fries and hushpuppies that he didn’t want, but his coleslaw was awful too. Overall a terrible experience.

The afternoon dragged on the worst until I headed home. The drive was long and dull, and I kept wanting to fall asleep. The car got me home safely though, and I took Muad’Dib out for a run before Summer got home from the gym. Dad was out taking senior pictures with Eaddie on Mt. Nebo, so we made it straight home where Summer was reclined on the porch with a glass of wine and her laptop, updating her résumé after a tough day at work.

We chatted for a bit, and then I came in to warm up some leftovers for us. I combined some meals into the gumbo and split it with her, and it turned out really good. After we ate, we talked for quite a while longer until she went to bed. Then I caught Shawna up on all the details and got her feedback. I did eventually make it to bed, but not for long.

My function is to “keep Summer safe,” not “keep Summer being, like, totally stoked about, like, the general vibe, and stuff.”

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One Ring to Find Them

The onramp was open this morning, so I actually made it to work pretty early. It’s been a little demoralizing that the old guys have just been sitting in their cubes watching reels and playing solitaire for most of the day, but I guess I’m not doing much better. I actually did have to work on a couple things today, but still spent most of my time waiting on unqualified users to complete simple tasks.

Randy and I met with White River and a guy from SkyPBX to chat about a new phone system, and then Randy had to disappear to help resolve an issue with receiving something like 17 pallets of Chromebooks. I worked through lunch and ate trash pizza. The afternoon dragged on forever.

The roads were wide open on the way home, so I stopped to wash the gigantic bug splatter off of my car as soon as I got into town. Summer was home early after getting almost all of her hair chopped off, so we visited for a bit before I took Muad’Dib out for a run.

It was nice outside, so I spent some time brushing him at a bench by the trail again, then we visited with Dad before making it home. I finished up the tacos while Summer had some of her gumbo, and then she finished up work from home before bed. I wrapped up pretty early myself, but didn’t get to bed much earlier.

Dig in.

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Look at the Stars

I thought I’d make it to work a bit early today, but the onramp was closed again, followed by nearly stop-and-go traffic from Conway all the way to Little Rock. I still made it before anyone else of importance, so none of it mattered. I spent the whole day doing Vine reviews again, so once they post, I should be up over 70% from what I can tell.

We had a lunch-and-learn with Howard and a vendor at American Pie Pizza, and I ate way too much. It was a strange mix of chips, cheese dip, salsa, wings, and pizza, but it was pretty good. The pizza was mostly cold by the time we got to it, but it was also free.

The afternoon was more of the same, but went by quickly until quitting time. We were supposed to meet with Diana about the house again, so I tried to stop by Blue Barn Bakery. I assumed the door was only a back door, so I didn’t try turning the handle and left empty handed, but then Summer texted just as I got home to say that she was feeling chest and throat pain. I texted Diana to let her know we probably shouldn’t meet if Summer was sick, and we decided to reschedule for another time.

Power had been out for most of the afternoon, so all I could do was take Muad’Dib out for a run. Summer made it home and rested all evening while we ran. It was super nice out, but the entire neighborhood was lit up with the sound of generators on every block. I brushed Muad’Dib out while we were at the basin trail, and then we visited Dad before making it home. I reviewed my final tax forms and got those paid, and eventually made it to bed pretty late since Eaddie wasn’t home until nearly midnight for state concert assessment.

And all the things that you do

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Draining Circles

I was pretty hungry as I got into North Little Rock this morning, so I decided to stop by the donut shop for an assortment. Randy was out all morning and there wasn’t really anything else going on, so I did a bit more research on my taxes, and then spent most of the day pumping out Vine reviews to get my percentage back up. I’ve been seriously slacking, so I’ve got a lot of ground to cover to keep this thing going.

The morning went by super fast, and I took a late lunch to grab a Minecraft Big Mac meal from McDonald’s. Then the afternoon was more of the same quiet until quitting time. Julie called to chat for a while on the drive home, and then Summer was hungry when I finally got back into town, so the two of us went to La Huerta to share some nachos and then sat at home and talked for quite a while.

I took Muad’Dib out for a run just before it got dark, and I think he may have reached a high speed the way he was tearing through the yards on our downhill run. My parents got tickets ahead to see The Chosen, so we continued on through our route to get home. It was a quick evening to get everyone settled down, and then I spent the remainder of the night finalizing my taxes. I’ll review the actual forms tomorrow to check for errors, but I think they’re probably done well enough. I guess there’s always the chance that Ol’ Donnie will axe the IRS, so it may not matter anyway.

Remove yourself.