Tag: anxiety

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The Lump

I slept really late today, and my blood pressure wasn’t ever particularly good. Summer was gone for a run in Vilonia, and Eaddie was at a robotics tournament all day. I felt like I had a lump at the bottom of my throat or the top of my chest, almost like someone was sitting on me all day. Dad got me on a three-way call with his old friend Ben for some medical advice, and it was mostly the same stuff I’ve heard. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be an immediate answer, much less a fix, for what ails me.

Summer came home, bathed, and started cleaning up for Christmas. We got the trees out, but she set them all up herself. She put one in Eaddie’s room like we talked about last year, and then put the two matching ones in the living room. I really wanted to help, and I didn’t exactly feel “bad,” but I didn’t feel good.

I eventually got showered and took the dogs for a run to my parents’ house. Mom warmed up some phở for me because she thought I might be sick of spaghetti or mango soup for some reason. It was good, and I wasn’t terribly bothered by my throat. That had been more of a general discomfort all day.

After I ate, I took the dogs on a night run through the basin and back home. My neck flashlight went out just as I was trying to clean up some poop, but luckily it was mostly solid. We got back home and I fed the dogs, who immediately went back to the squirrel they had killed earlier in the day. I asked Summer to dispose of it, but she forgot while she was wrapping presents, and I didn’t feel like chasing them down in the yard in the dark.

Eaddie came home and was excited about the tree in her room. Summer wound down with another bath and went to bed. My blood pressure went up again for seemingly no reason, so I took a clonidine and laid down with Summer for a while. I got the chills and couldn’t stop shivering under the heated blanket, but I eventually dozed off for a little bit. Once my heart rate went back down, I finished up my nightly routine and went to bed.

Jitters

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Just Breathe

My blood pressure wasn’t fantastic when I got up this morning, but it was my “normal” high level. Summer left for work after we fed the dogs, and I made myself an egg and cheese biscuit for breakfast again. I followed that with a banana and grilled cheese since I was slightly low on potassium. I started both my 5mg amlodipine and 25mg metoprolol, then tried to relax a bit on the computer before taking a shower.

My numbers kept climbing for a while before they kind of leveled out again. It had me a bit worried, but I eventually felt confident enough to take the dogs out for a ride. I even put Max’s antler from the Grinch on Stilgar, and he didn’t oppose it at all. Muad’Dib kept wanting to bite at it, but I eventually told him “no” enough that he quit altogether. Stilgar wore the headband the entire way to the Ridgewood Brothers to see the crew there.

Everyone came out and was super excited for either the Onewheel or the dogs. Even Robert took a spin on the Onewheel, then promptly wiped out. We hung out for a little while before heading back up the road where we stopped to see Mollie at her house. She came out onto the porch for a bit, but we didn’t stay long before heading home. We made our way through the basin where Stilgar wanted to be an alligator. I put the antler on Muad’Dib, but it was really too big for him, and it kept falling down under his chin. I got it back on Stilgar and we made it to my parents’ house, but they weren’t home.

The dogs got hot dogs and food when we got home, and I spent some time relaxing to keep my blood pressure down. It didn’t seem to help, because the longer I sat, the higher it rose. I decided pretty early that I shouldn’t drive by myself to Conway to see Eaddie’s performance. Then I started to get a lump in my throat, and I called Dad to take me to the clinic when I hit 155/102.

Mom drove them to the house and we headed to the clinic in a fashion that had me stressing out even more. As soon as I got checked in, I sat down and then had a dizzy spell like I did at the self-care fair. Things started to get dark and I thought I might black out, so I told my parents to get someone. It didn’t feel like I was met with as much urgency as I intended, but I pulled out of my spell enough to talk to the ladies that came out. Much like the urgent care clinic, they couldn’t really do anything for me and instead called the paramedics.

The trucks pulled into the lot pretty quickly, but it took them a while to get inside. I had moved into a wheelchair for ease of mobility, and before the guys came in, I started to have another slight dizzy episode without so much blacking out. They came in and took blood sugar, blood pressure, and my oxygen level, and decided they couldn’t do anything more than DoorDash me to the hospital. They did offer to load me up into our own car so I wouldn’t get a bill, but by the time we finished talking, I was good enough to walk again.

We left the clinic, and I had Mom take me to the house to use the restroom and grab my blood pressure cuff. Then we drove to the hospital and sat in the parking lot for a while, testing my blood pressure several times to see that it was going down. Once it got low enough that I felt comfortable leaving, we went to their house for some food.

Mom made me some mango soup while I watched my blood pressure start to rise again. Summer came over after dropping Eaddie off at home, and we ultimately decided it might be best to go to the hospital. The two of us got to the emergency room and checked in. There were several of us in the waiting room, and strangely, they called everyone back at the same time after a mysterious amount of waiting. Summer and I were in a room near the back and waited a while for a young, Vietnamese doctor to come check me out. My blood pressure had continued to drop a bit, and after recounting the last few days to him, his recommendation was to modify my normal medication timing and then follow up with my PCP. He offered to give me more meds and re-run all of the same bloodwork, but indicated that he didn’t really think it was necessary.

We were eventually discharged, and I suppose I earn enough by now that paying the bill didn’t send me into another event. We went home, Summer crawled into bed, and I wrapped up way too slowly for how tired I was.

Solidarity in healthcare providers.

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Good Advertising

I ran a little late this morning, but the battery didn’t seem to take as much of a hit. It was reasonably quiet, but things quickly escalated. I didn’t get into anything big. Randy and I met Jim, Kyle, and Maggie at Gadwall’s for lunch, and then I actually continued on with Randy all afternoon while he got gas, then took us to the annex to check for inventory.

Kyle found us there for a bit and we all rooted around a little bit. Randy and I were the last two out and we couldn’t set the alarm, so we went to the “octagon” to talk to Kevin about it. After that, we planned to go to a church that was putting on a self-care fair for the school district.

It had started to drizzle a bit, but we got back to the office where I packed up my things. We all drove separately so we could go straight home after the fair, but I wouldn’t end up making it to the end of that.

We arrived about 15 minutes early and Kyle and I walked in, but were promptly rushed back out. I waited by the door while he went back to his Jeep to vape. When they finally let us in, I tried to stick with Maggie since she had the eye for the swag. I got a couple signatures on my “bingo” card before I ended up at a Baptist Health booth where the lady wanted to give people flu shots, something else, or take their blood pressure. I let her check my blood pressure and joked that we would be going for a high score. I wasn’t wrong.

She panicked at my 185/111 and insisted that I test again, even after I tried to explain it away by having been running around the event with all the other loud people. The second wasn’t any better, but I don’t know if it was any worse. She let me go with a stern look that I should go to the emergency room.

It was only a couple minutes later as I bantered with Randy and some other lady that I suddenly became flush and dizzy, and nearly blacked out. I quickly grabbed an empty seat from another vendor and tried to relax myself. The dizziness came in waves, and I did everything I could to breathe and relax. As soon as I felt able to stand up again, we tried to finish my signature card. I got one more, but then Maggie took it to finish it for me while I sat in another chair in the corner. I called Summer, and then we all left the event.

I sat in the car for a bit to calm myself, and felt confident enough in my ability to babysit the car as it drove me out of the city. I plotted a couple of urgent care clinics in case, and headed toward home. A little ways down the Interstate, I began to get a wave of dizziness again, so I immediately took the Crystal Hill exit and gathered myself at a Shell station. I decided to go straight to the HealthCARE Express to see if they could help.

Though friendly, the urgent care center was not particularly urgent about anything I said. They did check my blood pressure, but then basically told me to start filling out registration paperwork. The girl at the counter called me up to say that it would be about $200 for them to see me, and I tried to confirm whether they could actually treat me, or if they would only try and diagnose me. A doctor or nurse eventually came out and said that he would need to check for organ failure before doing much else, and that they would basically have to refer me to the Walmart pharmacy across the street for treatment.

I took a beat and eventually gathered myself up enough to go on to the next place. I found a Baptist Health urgent care clinic, but the lady at the counter there said that they wouldn’t even be able to address me for at least an hour and a half, and that she could basically only call a paramedic for me. I decided to take my chances and get into Conway rather than wait for a more expensive ride. I wasn’t feeling terrible by then anyway.

I got to the Baptist Health emergency room and checked in after waiting for another older couple. The waiting room was pretty full, but they got me back to take my blood pressure measurement, some blood, and a urine sample pretty quickly. I waited about an hour after that before they called me back to a room. In that waiting period, Julie called for an update.

I waited for a little while before a guy came back to get my insurance information. Then a nurse eventually came back, who asked my ethnicity and then responded that he, too, was Vietnamese. He got me chained to the machine, and from then on it was basically me beating my own high score repeatedly until we got enough medicine in me.

After a couple of hours and a couple quick pop-ins from the ER doctor, neither he nor Jonathan, my Vietnurse seemed terribly concerned about my situation. They asked questions, but reported that all of my labs and EKG were fine. Jonathan didn’t even let the final blood pressure measurement complete its cycle, satisfied enough with the results of the prior test after my pill and subsequent shot.

They cut me loose, I went to Supercharge, and then made it home without incident. I felt pretty good, so I got unloaded, took out the trash, and then came in to chat with Summer. Then I had a brief anxiety attack in the kitchen and wondered if that, too, was blood pressure related. She went to bed, I played with the dogs for a bit, and then I quickly finished up so I could go to sleep myself. If I wake up tomorrow, I guess we’ll figure out a PCP solution. If I don’t, then I guess will someone come erase my browser history?

Back where we started.

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164/100

I had an okay start today, but my back still had a slight twinge in it. I made up quite a bit of time on the way to work, but it mostly ended up being for naught. Kyle came by and said the backup circuit was somehow getting traffic to the state servers, so we didn’t have to worry so much about installing the VPN. After that, it was mostly Maggie and me in the office all day, with a bit of Charles and Gary.

With Randy out, we didn’t even see Jim, though he did call for help once. I ended up getting some cheap fast-food for lunch, by way of a fry deal from Burger King and a sandwich deal at Arby’s. The afternoon was pretty quiet, and then I snuck out a few minutes early so I could get the car out of the workshop.

I stopped by Old Navy in Conway on the way home to return Summer’s ill-fitting pants. Then I got home just in time to take the dogs out on a twilight run. They ran hard all the way around the basin and to my parents’ house. Mom said she had some rice soup, so I took the dogs home and rode back again to eat.

Summer got home from work late and wasn’t feeling great, so we put her in a bath and then checked her blood pressure. Hers was fine, but mine was unreasonably high for some reason. I imagine my sleepless commute time has something to do with it. We also discussed ordering a new Model 3, and I think Eaddie’s for it now. I guess I should get one so I can enjoy it for a bit before I stroke out.

It’s always an improper fraction, but it’s usually not more than two.

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Smokin’ Breasts

I woke up a little bit before my alarm today and got up to start prepping the turkey breasts for smoking. Summer was up on the couch doing some work, and then left to open one of her stores because multiple people called in, or didn’t show up. Eaddie got home from her father’s and hung out in the kitchen with me so she could lend a hand while I tried to season the turkey. This was only the second time I’d tried to use my baster, and I completely forgot to blend my dry spices so they wouldn’t clog the syringe. That ended up being a big mess, so I finally just put the breasts on the smoker and used my butter concoction to baste it instead.

Summer got home and started making deviled eggs, and I tried to pick up some of the rest of the house. I think Michelle and Phil were the first ones to show up, just before my parents. I kept shoving things into the laundry room, and the house filled up pretty quickly. Alie and Chance made it, and even Julie and Kevin showed up. Uncle Rick and Ginny were the last to show.

I had a fire going, and the smoking was pretty much done before anyone showed up, so I just had to carve the turkey while everyone else arranged food on the dining room table. Then everyone visited and ate in the living room. Julie and Kevin left pretty early, and I threw out my back at some point during the afternoon, which slowed me way down for the rest of the night.

Sometime during daylight hours, I took the dogs out for a quick run before wrapping up with everyone at home. It wasn’t our most entertaining event to host, but hopefully everyone enjoyed it. The whole thing just kept shrinking more and more until we could fit everyone our house instead of an aircraft hangar.

Eaddie wanted to go out to see Wicked again with some friends. Summer went to bed super early while I cleaned up and eventually made it to bed. Maybe my sleep schedule won’t be too far out of cycle by tomorrow.

No deals!

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Core Progression

I was in and out of sleep all night, so I nearly got out of bed around two or three and just headed on to work with the others. I ended up falling asleep until about four and just got up half an hour early, yet still somehow ended up a few minutes late.

Randy, Kyle, and Jim were at the high school core closet and had already moved the core switch and firewall. Evidently Gary texted about the network being down, even though they’ve been talking about this move since before they hired me. I helped route some fiber, and then they decided we were going to go out for breakfast.

The four of us met Jay at BJ’s Market Café and I had a surprisingly small omelette. It did come with hashbrowns and a biscuit and gravy though. Jay’s pancakes were pretty big, and overall it was one of the cheaper meals I’ve had in Little Rock so far.

From that point, we stopped by the annex where I started to tinker with the sign maker before having to go back to the high school where we sat and waited for Windstream to fix the stuff they didn’t have configured correctly. Around lunchtime, I went and got some Sonic drinks. I would have gotten a snack if I had realized we weren’t going to get lunch later. After that, it was a very long and boring afternoon for me listening to Kyle on a phone call with the engineers doing the fixing.

At the end of the day, I left Kyle to sit on his call while I drove home. The Full Self Driving trial was over, so I had to be a lot more involved. I did not like it at all. I really didn’t think it would be that big of a difference, but I had trouble with the cruise control stopping whenever I changed lanes. Around Atkins, I tried to fix it and accidentally disabled Autopilot entirely, so I had to drive the rest of the way to town.

Eaddie was out doing things on holiday break and Summer had already eaten, so I picked up some Burger King on the way home. The fried pickle Whopper was super disappointing. I shoved it down, but still had to take the dogs out in the pitch black. They did okay, but seem unaffected by the directions I called out. I really think I’ve just been getting lucky when they go the right way. We stopped to visit my parents and then weaved through the neighborhood to get home.

Eaddie was out late and Summer was working on her laptop in the living room all night, so I watched a little bit of YouTube after commandeering her cooking shows playing in the background. Once she went to bed, I summoned Eaddie home and then went to bed.

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Barricade

I snoozed this morning since I was up late last night. I wasn’t horribly late after my modified morning routine, but I still had to make up a lot of time on my drive. That meant I burned up a bit more power, so I ended up charging the car in the afternoon.

It was fairly social today because Jim was in the office working on building a “gaming” computer for EAST. Evidently their one good teacher died, and the new coordinator is a coach that knows nothing, so the kids are no longer capable of assembling the computers themselves. Randy and I tried to help with some of the assembly.

Kyle met us at David’s Burgers for lunch, and I found it to be a better version of CJ’s. I liked that they walked around with unlimited fresh fries, but they just didn’t come around with refills very often. It was also $15 for a combo that was just a basic double cheeseburger.

After lunch, Randy took me on a ride to drop off hotspots for the food service people, and then we stopped in to see Jimmy at their little shack. Gary was out somewhere else. Not long after we got back to the office, Jim took Randy and me to his house to pick up some wood to barricade the core closet at the annex. The security folks called Randy because someone broke in yesterday afternoon, and he was worried they would be back over the weekend to steal the equipment we’ve been hoping to move to the high school core closet.

We used deck screws to board up the doors, then went back to the office to wrap up the day. The drive home was slow because of a number of stopped cars and at least one bad wreck going the opposite direction. I made it though, and had time to take the dogs out before dark.

Summer was already home and sent Eaddie out to a friendsgiving meal. I took off with the dogs and went the long way around the basin trail and to the roundabout. We got to my parents’ house just as they were leaving to take Nova out to Linh’s. I got the dogs home and fed them some hot dogs before having a burrito myself. Then Summer and I watched a couple episodes of Modern Family before she went to bed.

Eaddie came to talk to me for a little while when she finally got home. Her holiday break is filling up quickly, so we’re glad to be able to spend the day with her tomorrow.

Came in through the chapel and they’re
Gonna raid the server closet.
Came in through the chapel and they’re
Gonna steal our wiiii-fiiiiii.

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I Make a Penny

I’ve been bringing leftover Starbucks coffee to work lately, but having very mixed experiences with the USB heated mug. The Ember gets it hot once I get to work, but it’s annoying that the travel mug doesn’t work as well. We had someone from IK Electric and someone from Fortinet coming to set up some demo phones for us, but I wasn’t sure when they would be there. That meant we had a fairly slow morning waiting for them.

Randy had to disappear to deal with the Windstream folks, so I tried to lead some of the conversation with the phone guys. Maggie kept including herself in the conversation for some reason, which was annoying because it was difficult to get any more technical questions out.

Kyle and I met Randy and Jim at Shotgun Dan’s Pizza for lunch, and they appeared to be much busier than they expected, because there was only one server for the whole restaurant. She was struggling to get anything done, but at least the food was pretty good.

After lunch, Randy went with me to Central Office to “apologize” to Sonya. I expected to at least say something, but really he walked in and just started talking and never really quit. She didn’t seem very chipper, but maybe she’s just sassy like that. I couldn’t be bothered.

When we got back to the office, Randy realized his car was actually at the high school. We decided I could just take him back to his car after work, and we finished out the afternoon. I had to charge in the warehouse in order to get home, but it all worked out.

Summer made slow cooker chili, so I got home and ran with the dogs. It was pretty cool outside, and we were chasing daylight anyway. I was pretty frustrated when we got back, because Summer brought in Stilgar’s slow feeder that she had left outside. He literally chewed the whole food dish in half. I really liked that slow feeder, and I haven’t seen another one like it available on Amazon Vine. I don’t know how many times I’ve told her not to leave it outside. Stupid.

My new Pixel Watch 3 came in, so I spent some time setting it up. I didn’t love the color of the band, but I’ve ordered more from Vine. Otherwise than that, I spent some time on the phone with Johnny, and went to bed early.

My boss makes a dime.

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Human Retards

I was really early to leave the house this morning, but kept having idiots pull out in front of me just to go slower, multiple times on the way to work. I guess preconditioning took some battery power, so I pulled into the warehouse to charge all day. Things started out super chill, but quickly became ridiculous. “Everyone” was having trouble either printing or connecting to network drives. It took us all morning to figure out that it was the changes to Cisco Umbrella that Randy made yesterday just before we walked out the door.

Sonya called Maggie about a print issue that I assumed was the same I had been troubleshooting, but then went off about needing staples, and being an exception to the rule of our PaperCut deployment. She didn’t like any of my answers, became hostile and rude, and then hung up on us after threatening to get the superintendent involved.

Maggie and I went to Chili’s for lunch, where we were served by an old friend of hers. We didn’t think too much about the grief back at the office, though I did get a “nasty” email from Sonya. I had begun crafting a response, but Randy initially told me not to reply at all. He said he was told to have me apologize in person, to which I responded that it was odd that Human Resources would want an apology in person without a paper trail. We ultimately settled on a written response and an added face-to-face meeting to smooth any lingering tensions.

We fixed the Umbrella nonsense for the moment, but would have to revisit it later. Near the end of the day, we had to run upstairs to collect a TV that had fallen off of the wall in a conference room. As we came back into the office, Johnny called with some of his own drama. Then I ran home as quickly as I could to get some run time with the dogs.

Eli’s car was at the house, and Eaddie was in a bath when I got there. She texted that he wasn’t there, so I left with the dogs. Evidently she drove his car home because he picked her up for school, but then had to leave for some band thing and wouldn’t be back until late in the evening.

The dogs did great as we ran our course backwards. I wanted them to get some time at the basin trail before it got too dark. They had a dip, and then we went up to the roundabout before swinging back through my parents’ house. We talked with Dad briefly before making it home for some hot dogs. Summer was out back on the porch waiting for me, but then Brody called with questions about used Teslas. I talked to him a couple times before Summer and I got to chat about her day.

I had a burrito for dinner and did some laundry. Eaddie chatted with me for a bit and helped with some leftovers. Then I wrapped things up pretty quickly for bed after she left to get Eli.

Must be something in the water.

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Overwhelming Sense of Email

I tried warming up some coffee this morning, but the heated travel mug I used didn’t seem to work. I was early enough that I had a fairly leisurely ride in. I was left alone for the first part of the morning, but then Charles came in and chatted with me for quite a while about his life in the past, present, and future. It was nice, because we’d never really talked much before. I helped him get a desktop image started, and then he left.

They fed us catfish and chicken strips for “Thanksgiving” at Central Office, so I rode with Maggie over there. I also delivered my transcript and certification paperwork to HR to see if they could find me a raise somewhere in there. It’s neat that so many people are actively trying to help with that. It’s such a foreign concept to me thus far.

Most of us gathered around a table to eat, and the food was pretty good. I had to laugh because Javier couldn’t tell the difference between the hush puppies and the fried chicken. That kid is weird. We had plenty of food, and then I managed to make it back to the office with Maggie without my paperwork that I had leaned against the wall while we ate, so I had to drive back to get it.

The afternoon was slow, and I felt like I hit a brick wall. I tried to be productive, but I was just too tired for some reason. I felt like I slept reasonably well. I made it to the end of the day and ran to The UPS Store to return a few things. The bottom fell out of the sky on the way home, so I had to slow down quite a bit. I could barely see ahead of me, and even the Model Y struggled with traction in places.

I got home to an empty house and played with the dogs for a bit. When Summer got home, we shopped for some pants online, and then I realized I had some bills coming due. I hurriedly paid those, and then wrapped things up for bed.

Efficiency Struggle