Tag: anxiety

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Dismount

I made it in relatively early this morning and wound up on a crew at the middle school to help remove a bunch of old displays for painting the walls behind them. I kept feeling like I had other things to be doing, but I suppose I wasn’t much of a team player last year while I was getting things ready at the high school. I had an inkling of anxiety following me around all day, and ended up panting in the hallway at one point because I just wouldn’t snap out of it. Things got pretty fuzzy for a bit, but once it was over, it was over.

Nearly everyone made it to lunch at Las Palmas, which was good. That definitely made me feel better. Then after lunch I stuck around the office. I think everyone is just working off of the assumption that Thomas will be coming back to reclaim his old position from Ben, which doesn’t make me super happy. What will be, will be.

After work, I went by the shop to see Summer for a bit before going home. Then I picked up some Popeye’s on the way up to her place, not knowing the kids wouldn’t be hungry. We ate and chatted, and then watched some House with Eaddie. When Summer was ready to go to bed, we put on Bo Burnham’s new Netflix special, Inside. We didn’t care for it, but like Summer and her marathons, I felt compelled to finish it.

Boat life would be so much simpler.

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Why so Serious?

I got up extra early this morning so I could make it to my interview with plenty of time to spare. I got the last couple pages I needed from my office, then went across the street to sit and wait by the door until everyone else was ready. The interim superintendent wasn’t there, but it was a panel with Jeff, Justin, Judy, and then Ben for emotional support I guess. He didn’t really ask anything, but he did help elaborate on some things as I answered their questions. For the most part, they stuck to a list of questions Ben wrote for them, which they wouldn’t even know enough about in order to rate my answers.

I wasn’t terribly nervous, but I did decide to go all out with a jacket and tie, and started out by dropping my pirate flag on the desk in front of me. The others were spaced out around the U-shaped conference tables. Justin immediately wanted to hear about why I love cows. From there it was mostly business until my only concluding question for them was whether they would like to see a magic trick. I received an immediate and resounding, “yes,” so I proceeded to unlink two rubber bands to at least one incredulous gasp.

With that out of the way, I went back to the shop and watched as Gary, and then Zach left for their interviews. I felt pretty confident in my own answers until I heard their shared responses. I knew it was a moonshot anyway though, and assumed I would have to rely on Doge to make it to the moon for me instead.

The three of us went to Sam’s for lunch with Josh and his wife. Then I tried to leave my leftovers for Summer, but she wasn’t at the shop at that time. We continued back to work for a slow afternoon while the newbies went to work on projects elsewhere.

Thomas came by to chat with Gary and Zach, and from the sound of things, they’re working to come up with an agreeable number that would bring him back to the district. Time will tell, but hopefully not too much time.

After work, I went by the shop to see Summer for a bit until it was nearly time for her to leave. Then I went home to change and made it up to her house for the evening. She grilled chicken for salads, and then it was an early night to bed after a long day of tickling anxiety for me. I don’t know why I had so much trouble with that today, all well after my interview was over. Breathing exercises haven’t been working to alleviate them, so I guess it’s off to try something else.

Let’s put a smile on that face!

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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Terminal?

I woke up at 3:30 this morning so I could have plenty of time to shower and pack up. We made it to the airport in plenty of time, but things got hectic super quickly. After checking our bag, I forgot to get my ID back, and made it all the way to TSA before panicking, completely forgetting that I had just had it out minutes earlier. Fortunately the girl that helped us brought my ID back, but then Summer had a couple oversized bottles of liquids. It would have been different if we hadn’t just flown to Florida earlier this year.

We made it to Houston without any trouble, but did have to huff it a bit to the next flight. If we had known better at the time, we would have chilled out for a while and maybe gotten some food. As we made our way out to the runway, a lightning storm blew in and kept us on the ground for about an hour and a half later than we planned. The pilot made up for it though, and we just barely made our connecting flight in Los Angeles.

That last transition really hurt us, because then we didn’t get any food, the snacks on the flights weren’t very substantial, and we also couldn’t precheck for the COVID requirements. When we finally made it down to Honolulu, we had to wait in an awful line for about half an hour just to get out of the gate.

Julie did great and arranged a taxi for us, so I made the call and made our way out to meet the guy that came out. He took us to Lagoon Tower, where Julie met us at the taxi. We got room keys and made our way up to the penthouse to unload.

Summer and I were starving, and it was dinner time for the others as well, so we went downstairs and out into a tiny, cramped marketplace to find some food. I felt super sweaty due to the heat and humidity after such a grueling flight, which just made me even hangrier. We stopped into an ABC store for a couple things and eventually got our food that had been ready for a while. Evidently the buzzer didn’t work.

We took everything back to the room to eat, and then I took a real shower and crashed.

Because his connecting flight was delayed and he had to be re-routed by the airline!

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Baggage

I didn’t want to sleep in too late today, so I rolled out of bed once I woke up. I had a COVID test at Walgreens at 1, so I went home to clean up first. The test was a super simple and painless nasal swab, and not even too far up the nose. As soon as I was done there, I had to run to Mark’s to help out a bit. What he needed from me took seconds, and we ended up chatting about school stuff for a while after that.

When I left, there was nobody in the Ridgewood Brothers’ parking lot, so I crossed the street to see how things were going. Grant almost immediately offered me a sandwich, which I couldn’t turn down. I took it back up to Summer’s with me since he didn’t have time to chat, and on the way there I called Josue to see how he was doing.

Summer got back with Autumn from their car show fund raiser shortly after I got in, and then Summer and I went to do some shopping before packing. We went to Leonard’s first to spend a $5 coupon I had. Then we went to TJ Maxx for some cheapish rubbah slippahs. Summer got a neck pillow as well, and I’m not sure any of it was a bargain.

The packing took forever due to my travel anxiety, but I’m pretty sure I got everything. Fortunately we’ll have another day nearby in case something goes horribly wrong.

When we finally got back up to the girls, Autumn was in bed. I warmed up some leftovers for us, and then filled out some travel forms with my negative COVID test. Eaddie and I finished up the night with some House, and then went to bed ourselves.

Forget it, just grab all the sinks.

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Cubby Buddies

I went to the high school first thing this morning and kept Mike company. Most of that time was spent trying to figure out why a VLOOKUP function wasn’t working, but I finally discovered the cells I was searching needed to be formatted as string values instead of numbers. Mike already had four and a half cubbies full of student devices that had been returned, so I helped him dig through them for a device Kayla was trying to find. Turns out, the mother had misunderstood her child, who would be returning the laptop later in the day.

Lunch time came up pretty quickly, and Bryan couldn’t go after shattering his ankle over the weekend. Brody was the only one that would communicate about lunch plans, so he and I decided to try Peg Leg. Upon arriving at a closed restaurant, we made the trip back across town to Popeye’s and learned that Google Maps is not updating with dine-in status. We ran through the drive-through, and then I thought he was going to come back to the shop to eat, but I ended up eating alone. In the middle of that, I started having a panic spell that took me a while to shake off.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in my office trying to be as helpful as possible. It was a pretty quiet day, which may actually be a bad thing, because evidently we are now having to prove our need for a secretary in the department. I stayed a little late chatting with Ben since he had been gone all last week, and then left to get the girls.

Eaddie was waiting at Oakland, and Autumn had just finished with band. I dropped them off at home before going home myself. Summer’s surgery has me off work tomorrow, so I went home for a while and then came back up for the evening. I stopped at Wendy’s for a quick dinner so I wouldn’t be eating in front of Summer. When I got up to the house, the girls were already all in bed though, so it was a quiet and relatively dull evening for me.

You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.

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Dogegonit

It was nice again today, so I took the Shadow to work. Things started eerily quiet and it never really got any better. I just felt uneasy everywhere I went. I stayed to myself in my office for the most part, but kept having to do things for the newbies instead of getting any of my own projects done.

I met Brody at the junior high for teacher appreciation burgers, then mingled around there for a while afterward to help with a few other things. When I got back to my office, things were still really quiet. It didn’t help that so many people are missing.

After work, I went home to get the car so I could get the girls, only to realize that Summer had already gotten them. I think she told me, but I’ve just had so much going on that I can’t keep up any more. I’m really starting to break down.

I came back home for a little bit, but then had to go to the shop to get an old projector for Summer to use tomorrow. Then I continued on to my parents’ house to help clean up some phở. After I ate, I came back home and had to clean up a different projector because Summer didn’t have anything with VGA. Then I had to mess with my computers some in order to get to my resume.

With my resume officially done, I’m just waiting for one more letter, and then I’ll send it all off. I should probably also email my intent just in case they do something sneaky with the listing online. That seems my luck.

Watch what I do, and then do the complete opposite.

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Properly Mounted

The girls went out with their father around lunch time while Summer and I spent too many hours swapping TV mounts. I got a new tilting mount for the living room because the height of the TV made 3D unbearably blurry. Once we got the new mount hung, I dropped the angle of the TV until 3D looked right while seated or standing. Then we took the old mount to the front bedroom where the girls have been sleeping, and hung the super cheap Onn TV we had. I also had a new Chromecast with Google TV, so they’ll be happy.

Once that was sorted, Summer went to the gym until it was time to head to my parents’ house for dinner. Mom made some phở, and of course Dad had dessert. Then we each went home for the night. I continued picking up around the house and did another load of laundry. I’ve been feeling slowly overwhelmed by both work and home, and there’s still so much that I have to complete before our vacation.

My heart longs to join them, sing songs of the sea.

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So You’re PMSing Pretty Bad, Huh?

It was nice enough this morning that I got the R1 out, but I didn’t get much time on it. I started super tired and got a slow start, which landed me at work pretty late, but I stayed even later to make up for it. I felt like it was a pretty productive day of mostly helping others, but I also felt like I was the only one that saw it that way. I’ve been feeling more or less like a superficial cog in the wheel, taking on menial tasks without any real, tangible usefulness.

Lunch at Fat Daddy’s didn’t make it any better. Gary and I got the Tuesday special, which was a “brisket sandwich” that looked like an overcooked philly cheesesteak sandwich without the grilled onions or peppers. It was more like a French dip than anything, and it was pretty awful. I left hungry and dissatisfied, both because of the food and the amount of time it took to get to us. I don’t know how a barbecue place that has to smoke meats hours ahead can take so long to slice and assemble a plate.

The afternoon was successful in that I got rid of the Mac that has been sitting downstairs for the past couple weeks. I was also promised some recommendations for Ben’s position, though I’m not super hopeful about that. I’m cautiously, if not unjustifiably optimistic. Ben told me to take my speakers home, which sort of inadvertently crushed what little bit of happiness I’ve had at work lately.

I stopped by to see Summer on the way home and we chatted a little bit before she went home. Still hungry from a disappointing lunch, I stopped by McDonald’s for a sad bacon double quarter pounder, then Wendy’s for a sad order of fries. I ate, finished up a bottle of apple pie, and watched a couple more episodes of Superman & Lois before crashing for the night.

I suppose you’re all wondering why I called you here today.

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Mama Bear

I slept on top of the sheets last night, so it was pretty rough getting out of bed. I eventually made it to the high school to drop off the last of my CDs for Daniel to use in their play. Then I continued to the shop for the day. I told Melinda about the trouble I had the night before, and she went full-on mother-mode with the advice and being super nice all day.

Brody and Kyle came to the shop so we could hang a touch panel at Crawford, which got us through to lunch. Melinda and I were the only ones still at the shop, so she insisted that I choose, and we went to New China so I could eat my feelings. Then when we got back, she turned off her Britney Spears playlist and played Linkin Park for me for most of the rest of the day.

My office has been a big hit lately for people to mingle, which is both new and kind of neat, though distracting. I spent most of the day trying to help other people and not getting much of anything else done. I worked a little bit late, but had to get the girls to karate.

Both of the girls were pretty quiet today, and the drive to karate didn’t take long. Once they were out, I went to my parents’ house to figure out what was really going to happen with my living situation. As I suspected, it was all a misunderstanding since I’ve been watching the housing market. I’ve been pretty vocal about my plan, but still caught a lot of flak for reasons I don’t understand. At the end of the day, I get to keep living here, which is what really matters.

Dad came back with me to seal the wall back up, then move the cabinet back into its corner. We had to try multiple times because it wasn’t quite square, causing the doors to not open or not stay closed. I never got it quite perfect, but it worked well enough to load up with a bunch of stuff from the garage. Still not enough room for activities, but at least it’s easier to move around in there.

When attacked by a bear, simply lie still on the ground and cover your face and head with your hands. When the bear is finished batting you around and mauling you, contact the US Forest Service.

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Not Necessarily

We had our meeting this morning and Ben officially announced his upcoming departure. I’m a little terrified they’ll bring back someone else for his role instead of promoting from within, but that’s not as upsetting as it is that he’s leaving in the first place. Ben has been my favorite boss ever, and I owe most of my success in the field to him.

After the meeting, Zach took me to Crawford to swap out a cart for some tech tubs. Then we drove up to Center Valley to help Gary and Mike move some computers around temporarily. They were actually almost done, but we didn’t find out until we got back that we were actually supposed to completely strip one of the labs so maintenance could tear out the desks to turn the room into a professional development area.

Greg joined Zach, Gary, and me for lunch when I convinced them all to go to Slim Chickens instead of CJ’s. For some reason they had the air conditioner blasting inside, which froze Greg and me out, so we ate outside. I had a birthday dessert, but forgot to get it before we left, so I ended up picking it up after work.

In the afternoon, I went to the middle school and Dwight to help Josh and Kyle swap a couple SMART boards for a TV and a touch panel. The dumb thing was that both projectors worked. Evidently we were just trying to teach one teacher a lesson, and ran out of replacement bulbs for the other one.

Zach sent everyone home a little early, but I didn’t get out until later after chatting with Ben some more. Then I got my dessert jar and stopped by to see Summer before heading home.

I had a few instances of some anxiety/whatever issues today, but seemed to breathe out of them better than anything else. It really made me wonder if it was more of an oxygen thing. I guess it could still be anemia.

Who’s been messing up everything???