Tag: anxiety

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Abstinence Club

I was a couple minutes late to work, but I walked in with Gary, which lightened the concern. The shop seemed super quiet with Zach out, and everyone else out at their own buildings. It’s super slow everywhere, but I think everyone’s just hiding out in their newly assigned buildings. I had a CPPC meeting in the morning that went without incident. We were still missing two of the administrative members, but at least Justin was there for No Shave November. I convinced one other person to abstain from the calendar vote, since it actually made no difference to any of the classified staff.

On the way out, there was a white Model X parked right in front of the building, blocking the wheelchair ramp and handicapped space. I went to Dwight to drop off a cable, and it was still there when I got back, but I don’t have a clue who was driving it.

Josh met Thomas, Gary, and me at Popeye’s for lunch. They were packed inside, but got the chicken out to us relatively quickly. I actually went with the bone-in chicken since it looked really plump compared to their usual tiny pieces. I’m not sure I got spicy, but it was still good. I wished I had gotten some hot sauce, but they didn’t have any condiments at all out in the dining area and I didn’t feel like going back up to talk to any of the employees, who appeared to be stressed out enough.

After lunch, I tinkered and wrote my meeting minutes, and ran around the campus a bit more. At one point I went back to Dwight again, and stopped at the new Ridgewood Brothers building on the way back. Robert was there with one of their guys, and gave me a quick 30-second tour of the place. He had literally just gotten the news that the fire marshal wouldn’t let them fit four smokers in the smokehouse, which was upsetting after they approved the blueprints. I left them to get back to work, but I wasn’t super productive for most of the afternoon.

I did everything I could to avoid a crash, including sip on some black coffee until quitting time. When I finally left work, I drove to the Arvest across town to see Aaron. He didn’t notice that I had gotten out of a new car, but clocked out for the day to come see it once he realized what it was. I let him drive it to Spices to pick up his food, and he had the best reaction so far. When we got back to the bank, he said he would check on getting my cash to me in the morning. I stopped by my parents’ house on the way home and talked to Dad about the termite inspection I’ll be getting tomorrow. After that, my imagination left me stressing pretty hard about how much damage they’re likely to find tomorrow.

I went home to try and clean up a bit to make the walls a bit more accessible. While I messed around with that, I started a load of laundry to clean up the bedroom, since I hadn’t slept there in weeks. I kept getting super frustrated with things, and ended up staying in the rest of the night just to decompress.

…and now I just sit in silence.

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Stuffed Crabby

I woke up feeling quite a bit better this morning, after struggling with a full belly all night. There was just too much good food all day long. I got everything packed up and ready to go, but struggled to get out before 8:30, so I ended up skipping the first session. I figured they should have been recorded anyway, so I should get access to those copies.

I came down for the second session, and Gary and Greg were both just sitting in the atrium. The session I wanted to attend was actually held out there, since the guy had too much trouble keeping warm in the designated room yesterday. I didn’t think it was bad, but I think he may have been stuck under an air vent at the front of the room.

After that session, we decided to skip out on the keynote and lunch. I forgot that they usually have drawings for prizes, otherwise I might have protested a bit. We stopped in Conway so Gary could get an oil change and a carwash. While we waited for a quick detail, I took us back across town to Chipotle. I don’t think Greg was too impressed after the sticker shock, but Gary and I enjoyed it. When we got back to Splash, Summer convinced me to wait 15 minutes for her to get off work and ride back with her.

Nearly an hour later, we finally left and ran into some really heavy traffic due to a wreck right on the interstate. We made it home though, and Summer went to the gym while I went down into the shop to see how the week went. One of our new guys started that morning, and I just briefly met him on our way out for the day.

I went home to unpack, and then struggled with Summer to communicate that we should move some money around for Monday. I ended up meeting her at Centennial to try and withdraw cash, but they said they didn’t have that much to hand out. Frustrated with my explanations of what we needed, she snapped that she would just get a cashier’s check for seven bucks. I took that to Arvest, and was back out the door in mere seconds.

From there, I went home and shuffled things around in the garage for a bit. Autumn had senior night, and Summer wanted me to come record them walking onto the field. Somehow, Autumn convinced those in charge to let her have three people with her on the field. I was glad that Summer got to be a part of it, but it seemed like Autumn was only paying attention to her grandparents while they were out there.

As we left, I ducked out in a hurry and went home to continue cleaning out the garage. There’s still a lot of work to do, but at least I’ll be able to fit a car in there again. The girls went to IHOP after the game, so Summer was already in bed and not at all talkative when I got there. I waited up for the girls, and then went to bed once they got home.

You’re Not Getting It.

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Call off the APB!

For some reason I thought today might be kind of quiet, but I was pretty instantly commandeered to help Gary write up some documentation for one of our recurring tasks to renew security certificates. It was neat to be able to apply one of the very few things I learned yesterday, and I felt good about expressing what I had learned. Greg was actually at work, and had to go fix my intercom at Oakland after Thomas came back to the shop, hurriedly looking for answers.

We left for lunch just a little bit early and went to Brangus, where we were quickly surrounded by Mark and a handful of other highly political figures. Our host actually joked about it as we left, and I suggested that he seated them around us on purpose.

I went to Oakland in the afternoon for a bit, after Sheri contacted me with worry about her work orders yesterday, and then Thomas came back to the shop first thing this morning. I closed out what I could, but will have more when I return. That is the way of life.

After work, I ran home to start packing for the conference. Then I went to my parents’ house for bún bò Huế. They were in the driveway about to leave for more tomatoes, but immediately came back inside to eat when I mentioned that I was in a little bit of a rush. We ate, talked about our game plan for the weekend, and then I went back home to start a load of laundry.

I don’t really know where the time went, but It was nearly midnight before I got to Summer’s for the evening. At least all of my chores were done, and hopefully everything I needed was packed.

High anxiety.

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Never Gonna Finish

It was pretty cold out this morning, plus I had an armful of stuff I wanted to take with me, so I drove to work. I was really hoping I could spend the day studying Net+, but Greg and Josh were both out with the flu, so I spent the entire day doing things for either Greg, or Kyle later in the afternoon.

Thomas drove Zach, Gary, and me to Freddy’s for lunch, which was kind of a surprising choice. I always kind of thought he just tolerated that place. Evidently Jason’s daughter was the one that took our orders, but I didn’t recognize her on account of not really knowing her. Gary just said something about Jason’s car not being totaled when he saw it in the parking lot as we were leaving.

Zach and I went to Support Services to rearrange some stuff in the afternoon, and then ran around town picking up touch panels and tools to hang for Kyle at Dwight. My rooms at Oakland were finished over a month ago, so I was surprised to learn that his weren’t. That took us the rest of the day, so we just barely had time to clean up when we got back to the shop. I had made my Hawaiian coffee in the morning, and was upset that Tammy threw it out at the end of the day in spite of me specifically asking her not to. I only had one cup in the morning, so I guess if I want more, we’ll have to go back.

I went home after work and immediately started getting things ready to go to Little Rock alone the next morning. I think I just psyched myself out over traveling so early in the morning, but I hate that Greg can’t go with me. At least Ben will swing by for lunch, but I would have really liked someone I could talk to about the material afterward.

I finished up much later than I wanted, then got gas and headed up to Summer’s for the night. Hopefully I’m prepared enough, but it won’t be for a lack of trying.

Mike Meyers before Halloween? Seems a little on-the-nose.

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Hip to Be Cubed

I tried not to sleep too late today, and I think I may have been the first one up. Summer eventually got up and wanted to make monkey bread, so she got stuff to start that, and then fried some potatoes for brunch. I had my Steam Deck recharged, and tried to play a little Fez. It played really well, though the first part of the game that acted like it glitched out kind of had me worried for a second.

Eventually I headed home so I could try and get something done instead of wasting another entire weekend. I almost immediately noticed a tiny leak under my kitchen sink that caused the particle board to swell up and sag even more than it already was. All I could really do at the time was stick a bucket under the drip and leave the cabinet open to try out. Then I got a little bit more stuff shuffled around in the garage, but I need to finish up since I’ve probably only got a couple weekends left before delivery day.

I ended up having a pretty bad, relatively long anxiety attack while doing some sweeping, and had to go inside to lie down on the couch for a bit. Summer stopped by after dropping Eaddie off at a schoolmate’s house to work on something for robotics, and we eventually went to Walmart for dinner ingredients.

As soon as we got back to the house, I butterflied the pork loin into surprisingly thin and tender chops. Summer sautéed some Brussels sprouts and then did a little Shake ‘n Bake, and we ate that with some leftover potato salad and broccoli salad. Dinner was really good, but we never saw Autumn except for when we made her come take out the trash. I think all three of us are just ready for her to get lost.

When we finished eating, I went to pick up Eaddie, and brought her back home to eat. Then she had Autumn take her to the store to get cake mix so she could make cake pops. Summer was in her head, on top of having a headache all day. I got frustrated that she wouldn’t even do the bare minimum to take care of any of it, and nearly went home for the night. I ended up staying and just sitting on my phone on the couch all night until bedtime.

Just do the goddamn thing.

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Nothing Passive About It

We had our meeting first thing this morning, and I tried to compose myself after the strange conversations I had yesterday. It wasn’t long into the day that I got an email from the superintendent with an infographic for Robert’s Rules of Order. I wasn’t completely sure how to take it, but I knew I wanted to at least show that I had some idea of what I was talking about. She tends to be kind of a fast talker, and doesn’t really give much time for a response, so written communication to me is much more effective for completing my thoughts with her.

With that, I got sucked into drafting an email again for most of the morning after our lengthy meeting about how awful Incident IQ is. We went to Quiznos for a relatively quick lunch, and then it was back to the shop for a short afternoon due to the homecoming parade. I ended the day at Oakland again, and then went downtown to meet Summer for the parade. It was surprisingly hot sitting out in the sun, but it was a short parade.

Afterward, I rode the opposite direction of traffic across town and stopped at the Ridgewood Brothers to visit with Grant and Robert. We chatted about security systems for a bit, and then I continued home. As the sun went down, I went to visit with Mom for a few minutes before going to the homecoming game to catch halftime. Summer was crammed up in the stands again, so I sort of worthlessly stood on the ground below until we could leave.

Summer wanted to eat, so we dropped off the Shadow and went to Chili’s where we were served by a student from her very first year of teaching. She really enjoyed her steak, but 100% of my food was cold. Not lukewarm, but outright cold. I went home to get her car, and then met her at her house. The girls got home after a shocking turnaround of the depressing score we left, and everyone was quickly off to bed.

Do I have your attention?

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Nit Picky

I felt a little off for most of the day, like another anxiety attack was right around the corner. Fortunately it never happened, because I wouldn’t have had time for it anyway. I didn’t really do anything remarkable throughout the day, but I felt super busy just keeping up. I was super hungry when lunch came around, and was actually pretty excited to learn that it was already Taco Tuesday. I think I paid too much for the pico on my tacos though.

After lunch, I ended up at Oakland a couple of times because I didn’t have everything I needed the first time around. I’ll end up having to run a video cable through the ceiling if I can’t get a longer video cable later. I spent the end of my day in the queue waiting to talk to someone about an Istation issue, and then trying to negotiate an attendance report out of Cognos. I kind of enjoy working with Cognos, but it would sure make me feel a lot better if I could find some better documentation on the variables the state uses.

Eaddie and Summer had hair appointments after work, but Summer had to take care of something else and asked me to get Eaddie. I ran home to change and then got Eaddie there just as Lelan was finishing up with her last client. I think she just stayed late to take care of them, because nobody else was even in the salon. Eaddie’s trim ended up getting cut a little short, and then I had to take her to band practice while Summer got hers started. I went back up to the salon for a little bit, but then went to my parents’ house for some pork chops for dinner.

I picked Eaddie up after band, and then we headed home to do some laundry and shampooing. It wasn’t an early night to bed, but it sure felt like it.

What’s bugging you?

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Anxious to Get Home

We woke up for breakfast this morning, and Eaddie didn’t want to go downstairs. They mixed it up with some little egg rounds folded around some cheese like a cheap omelet. The bacon was super thin and mostly flavorless. Once we ate and got everyone cleaned and packed up, we checked out and headed to the Tulsa Aquarium for the day. I hated that we didn’t get to visit the actual aquarium stores that were near our hotel, but the girls really liked the aquarium.

After the aquarium, we went down the block to get some lunch at the Waterfront Grill. Summer and Eaddie really wanted seafood after looking at all the aquatic creatures, and that place was not only close, but also had things like burgers and chicken strips for the boring kid. I had a fish sandwich that was pretty awesome, and relatively cheap, though I wished it had a bit more sauce.

As soon as we finished eating, we headed on home through a surprising amount of countryside that wasn’t on the interstate. I had a really bad anxiety attack on the way to get some gas, and that lasted for a surprisingly long time. We stopped again in Clarksville to fill up, just because the gas was so cheap. We got home and unloaded, and the girls all went off to their rooms.

I wanted to go home to unpack, but still felt pretty bad with a head cold that worked its way into my chest. I had another anxiety attack that gave me really bad tunnel vision, and I ultimately decided to stay the night and just deal with unpacking in the morning. I doped up with some cold medicine and Fireball, and it was a really early night to bed.

Tingle Vision!

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Decoy Day

I was surprised I made it to work in such good form this morning after having so much trouble going to sleep last night. I would expect to be exhausted after such a long drive home, but I seem to always have trouble falling asleep after that. Today was our first day of training with Capturing Kids’ Hearts, and without going into too much detail, it went exactly as I expected it would. It seems we paid half a million for two days of teambuilding exercises sporadically placed between lectures about child psychology. I was surprised that so many people thought it went better than they expected. Evidently the usual teacher professional development is absolutely hot garbage, and this was new and refreshing.

We took an hour for lunch and were told to “leave no teacher behind,” and immediately my entire table disappeared without a word. I ended up going to McDonald’s on my own, and had a pretty terrible experience, along with everyone else that was there. I saw so many orders go back up to the counter in such a short amount of time. My burger was made incorrectly, and tasted terrible to boot. It was as though they placed the meat patty on a mound of salt to cook.

In the afternoon, we finally got to our “sentimental item” sharing activity. I had brought the giant stuffed cow/body pillow thing that Summer got me when we first started dating, but also my BaliYo butterfly/balisong pen. I decided at the last minute to switch it up and tell a story about the pen instead of the obvious, giant cow. It barely got a giggle, and nearly every other person in our enormous circle of staff had stories that made them sob.

We wrapped up “early,” but I was absolutely positive that the dismissal time was planned. I went home for a little bit to change, and then met the girls at The Center for Eaddie’s sophomore orientation night. The girls immediately left us, so it ended up being Summer and me by ourselves in the middle of the crowd. Feeling pointless, on top of some creeping anxiety, meant that I made it through the commons to the library before having to duck out.

I went home to wait for the girls, and then got a text from Dad that Mom was feeling chilled with a fever. I ran an expired at-home COVID test to them, and then stopped by to see Grant for a couple minutes as I waited for the girls. Once they were done, I met them at La Huerta for dinner, and then went home with them.

Summer went straight to bed, so I played Aperture Desk Job to completion on my Steam Deck, which took it down to about 49% battery. Then it was off to bed.

What a colossal waste of time for so many people that are already so far behind.

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International Cat Day

I had so much trouble getting to sleep last night, and then tossed and turned until I woke up before my alarm. Somehow I wasn’t completely worthless for the morning, and finally made it to Oakland to close out some work orders. I actually made it back to the shop a bit before lunch, and then started to leave with Gary before Zach and Thomas ran out to meet us at the car.

We went to Wendy’s, and Zach’s Baconator was delivered as a regular Dave’s Single, which was really sad next to my actual Baconator. At least my food was good. It was a quick lunch, and then back to the shop where I spent the afternoon working on some software deployments. At one point, Zach helped me bring a TV back to the shop, and I finally got my Pixel Buds Pro a week late. They were surprisingly uncomfortable in comparison to my other pair. About halfway through the afternoon, I started to have some anxiety or panic feelings about the cats that the girls dumped yesterday.

I went straight to my parents’ house after work and had some fish soup. Then my sinuses started acting up, so I didn’t stick around long. Eaddie asked for a ride just as I was getting home, so I picked her up from band at the high school and took her home. Autumn arrived after her color guard, and eventually Summer made it home from work really late. She had me call Nick to try and help one of his friends with what she thought were IT issues, but I think were actually just complaints about her ecommerce site.

I ended the night picking up a couple of tickets to see Halestorm, The Pretty Reckless, The Warning, and Lilith Czar on Wednesday. Summer decided she didn’t want to go, but Eaddie did, so that’ll be fun to hang out with her.

Ironic, innit?