Tag: anxiety

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ANX

I didn’t feel great for a lot of today. We made it to work and I distributed a bunch of dog treats, but within a couple hours I had an anxiety attack in my office. It took me a little bit to shake that off, but sometime later I felt strange like my blood pressure dropped. My heart rate was right around 60, which was unusually low for doing even as little as I was doing. I took my blood pressure, so moving around got my heartrate up, and my pressure wasn’t terrible.

We got up and met Summer at Ortega’s for lunch, and I meant to scale back a bit but didn’t. She wasn’t feeling well either, so she went home with a headache. I finished up the day and tried to stay aware of how I was feeling.

We had therapy after work, but he was tired too. It wasn’t a great session, but I think we decided we could work together well enough to survive on a deserted island. Dwayne asked if we minded wrapping up early, so we left after just half an hour. I got some washer fluid from the lube and then met Summer at home.

I had to pick up a prescription before they closed, so I ran Muad’Dib to the Neighborhood Market on the Onewheel. When we got there, they said they couldn’t fill it because insurance had just filled it at Walgreens, so we raced home and then I drove by myself to Walgreens before they closed. Luckily I was able to get my prescription there, and they even filled it for 90 days instead of 30 like Walmart.

I made it back home where Summer had curled up in bed. I took Muad’Dib for a quick run to my parents’ house to visit for a bit, and then my Onewheel died just as we were a couple blocks from home. I was able to limp it most of the way after walking up a couple small hills. At least this was actually closer to the low end of the battery instead of over 50% like before.

I wrapped things up relatively quickly, but then I lost power to my computer, which broke my Tabs Outliner plugin again, so I lost the past several weeks of history again. I’ll have to fight it later to see if I can recover anything, but sleep calls.

Damned tab hoarding…

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Sad Grad

Summer got up early for Run Like Yell in Dardanelle. I originally said I would go, but she insisted that I didn’t have to, and I didn’t sleep great. Of course I couldn’t really sleep after she left, so I got up and made myself a croissant sandwich. I burned the bread and set off the alarms, and then Eaddie got up and left to play at graduation. After that, I repotted a plant and watered the rest. Summer showered, then I followed suit before we left to meet the girls at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Muad’Dib did reasonably well there, and we stuffed ourselves with junk food again. Autumn fussed about not being able to eat much, and then about her relationship, so the conversation started going in circles a bit. I tried not to be too involved, but it really served as a reminder of the past drama we always had to endure. Eaddie showed up late after rehearsal, ate a bit, and then I think she left with Autumn while Summer and I took Muad’Dib to stay with my parents.

It didn’t take Muad’Dib long to break out of the back yard, and then Summer kept calling at him to go back, which of course drew him to jump on my car. I yelled about it, so she got quite for a while. We made it to graduation nearly an hour early and found seats in the second row. It wasn’t terribly long after everything finally started that I got an alert that Muad’Dib had left his safe zone.

I panicked and got up to call Dad, who didn’t answer. Mom answered, but didn’t have a clue where he was. I couldn’t tell if Dad had taken him out for a walk or if he had left to look for him. I also couldn’t send a screenshot of the GPS location because my phone got hot and started acting jittery. I got most of the way back to the car when the location finally updated to show Muad’Dib back near my parents’ house, but Dad still wasn’t answering. I waited a while and eventually felt good enough to go back inside.

We watched Autumn walk, and Summer kept yelling at other people she recognized. I kept feeling like she needed to go back to education if she wanted to feel happy about that kind of stuff again, but we’ve also gotten used to bigger paychecks.

They finally wrapped things up and we met the girls outside in the sun. I got pretty warm and was annoyed that we kept having to wander around looking for kids that were doing their own family things, and hadn’t asked to meet anywhere in particular. We got some pictures, but Summer wanted specific group shots. I ended up sitting in the car for some of that. When the girls all finally caught up with one another, she called me to drive over to them. Then Autumn started fussing about Adam some more. I said my peace and then wandered off to chase my car, which was driving around on “Smart” Summon in an annoying pattern without crossing parking lines.

I finally got Summer into the car, and the kids allegedly left to go meet up with Noah. I dropped Summer off at home so she could rest before going to a team meeting at work, and then took the Onewheel to retrieve Muad’Dib. We sat inside for a little while, then Mom came out to look at her plants. We helped a very little bit before riding back home. Summer called just as we got there because Autumn wanted to tell me I helped motivate her to break up with Adam. I just told her to keep pushing herself to be better and do the right thing.

Summer eventually made it home and we watched a YouTube video about digging for supercritical geothermal. Then she went to bed and I followed for just a little bit before going off to do my own thing. I was up later than I wanted to be, and had an anxiety attack at one point while playing on my phone. Eaddie eventually made it home near midnight, and then I went to bed as well.

Late night drops!

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May the Fifth Be With You

I had an anxiety attack just as I was getting my backpack out of the car this morning, which makes two days in a row. I haven’t been tracking them for very long, but hopefully it helps the next time I go to the doctor. We got upstairs and things were pretty quiet. I spent all day fighting Microsoft documentation and trying to figure out a good way to create a collaborative address book for certain staff members. Outside of that, Charles had trouble with the network in the maintenance shop, so I had to cycle power to those switches in order so they would come back up without trying to mesh with one another.

We met Summer at Ortega’s, and the board didn’t list their usual all-you-can-eat. Instead, they had a double order of fajitas with a free T-shirt for not much more than we would have spent anyway. We shared that and had leftovers to go. Service was pretty good today too, but I also wasn’t depending on refills either.

The afternoon was more frustration with Microsoft until quitting time. Evidently Microsoft just doesn’t have a good method to collaborate on contacts without a bunch of extra effort, depending on which of the six versions of Outlook you’re using. Summer took Muad’Dib home with her at lunch, so it was quiet and lonely for the last part of the day since Janice left early.

Summer was working and watching TV when I got home. I cleaned up and eventually took Muad’Dib for a run. He did really great for part of it, but got slow about halfway through. I ended up eating spring rolls when we got to my parents’ house, and then tried to wind down quickly back at the house.

~mocha chocolata ya ya~

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Feeling Fishy

I took a frozen pancake sandwich for breakfast this morning, and that worked out pretty well on a budget, but Muad’Dib didn’t get as much. I cued myself up to buy a Steam Controller at launch, but realized a little later that I had inverted my time zone calculation. I had a quick anxiety attack shortly after that. The controller would actually be launching at noon, when I happened to have a call scheduled.

I made it work though, between the call and a couple other little fires I had to put out. I was pretty busy all day. We did get a break to go to Sonic for lunch though. There was a strong, steady wind the whole time, which would have been great for a kite. I didn’t have a kite, but I did have my Onewheel, so I took Muad’Dib for quick run around the plant when we got back to the office.

The afternoon was just as busy until we left. Summer would get home a little after us, so we had some time to clean up before we decided to meet at Sam’s Southern Eatery for dinner. We hadn’t eaten there in quite some time, and just happened to remember that they had a dog-friendly patio, so we decided to give it a shot.

I decided to take the Onewheel at the last minute so Muad’Dib could get more run time in. We nearly made it downtown when I texted Summer, who said she was ready to leave, so we met her just outside Point Remove and she drove us the rest of the way.

Sam’s was pretty dead, with only a couple other tables of patrons. The patio was empty, but they welcomed us to eat out there. It looked like it hadn’t been swept in quite some time, with trash blown in everywhere on the ground. The tables and chairs were clean though, and the food was great in spite of having slightly smaller portions than when they had just opened.

Afterward, we came home and I let Summer bathe while I took Muad’Dib to my parents’ house and back again. He was full of energy, so I didn’t want to keep him cooped up inside any more than I had to. We had a good run, then came in to calm down, clean up, and get to bed.

No, seriously, DON’T PANIC.

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Orange is the Now Back

We grabbed a biscuit from Burger King on the way out of town, and ran a slalom of cops on the way to work. I was hoping to hear some news on our Traverse trouble ticket, but that wasn’t resolved all day long. I even tried scrubbing through our data, but was never quite sure what I was looking for. I took a little break and finally figured out the style color for hyperlinks on my own website, so I was happy to get that back.

I was going to take a late lunch until I realized we had a call in the afternoon. I was the only one on that since Joel was out and Tammy said she was busy, so I sat there for fifteen minutes to watch what could have been an email with a slide deck.

The afternoon was sort of short after that. I had an anxiety attack, and finished the day out trying to get a remote desktop solution working for some computers I’ll have in the plant.

Summer was in Conway for an employee’s graduation, so I met her there for lunch. She picked a place called Kyojin Phở, so wee made our way through half a dozen roundabouts and finally found her. Ben called me on the drive to see if we were coming to Toadsuck, so I talked to him for the last bit of the drive. Kyojin Phở just happened to have a patio, so Muad’Dib got to come sit with us. I got a combination phở, and Summer got a combination dry noodle dish, so he got most of our tripe and tendon. The food tasted good, but my soup was surprisingly cold.

I let the car drive 100% of the way home, and only pressed the accelerator a couple times to push the speed. Otherwise it took me from parked to parked, and it did a pretty great job. Summer actually beat us home though, because it took us around a block of Tech for some reason. I might have stopped it if I had noticed, but I didn’t catch it in time.

Summer went in to get ready for her run in the morning, and I took Muad’Dib for a run. He did pretty great most of the way to my parents’ house, but then slowed down a bit. It was quite a bit cooler though. When we got back, I fixed Summer’s gross earbud that got clogged, then got ready for bed.

It’s like work, but less rewarding!

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Hey Mister Deejay

I took my S21 to work today so I could continue updates and eventually load it up with some tunes for Saturday. I couldn’t believe there wasn’t a rollup update, and continued doing monthly updates for what felt like forever. I spent the entire day tinkering with that and trying to figure out why an Autopilot laptop wasn’t getting the proper deployment profile.

I had a relatively short anxiety attack right around noon, and then Subway actually had a fair deal for lunch. I picked up some fries from McDonald’s for Muad’Dib first, then grabbed the sandwich and went back to the breakroom to eat with Amanda, Elizabeth, and eventually Janice just as I was finishing up. It was a short break, and then I got back to the music.

I learned that Spotify had some new features that would improve our experience, and I spent a while trying to prompt their AI playlist builder. I think I finally came up with something I liked, and at least now I’ll have enough backup songs saved that I can mix things up if necessary.

We made it home a while before Summer. The kids were watching TV, but then Eli had to leave for a concert. I cleaned up and then took Muad’Dib for a run so we could try and get back when Summer got home. He did pretty well as we encountered several other dogs. We visited my parents, and then it was a slow trot the rest of the way home.

Eaddie left to watch Eli, so I made Summer come out and eat some leftovers with me. Then she went to bed while I cleaned up. Everything wrapped up pretty quickly, so I took the opportunity to get to bed really early.

CATCH PHRASE!

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Down to Glass

I woke up with a stomach ache this morning, but luckily it was nothing long lasting. Summer kept saying she didn’t feel well though, and wasn’t sure if she was getting sick. Eaddie left the house super early, but neither of us knew what she had going on. Summer was going to make breakfast, but I stepped in for her to make sausage, egg, and cheese biscuits since she didn’t feel well.

After breakfast, Summer went to the gym and I jumped right into cleaning up and looking for my old S21 Ultra. I’ve been wanting to use it to play music at our company picnic, but I haven’t been able to find it anywhere. I dug down on my desk to the point that I could see through glass, and I even found my old Pixel 2 XL, but the Samsung is nowhere to be found.

I continued cleaning, stopping for a late lunch, and then to run Muad’Dib to see my parents as it got dark. Summer went to bed super early, still not feeling well. Eaddie was in and out and back in again, so we didn’t see much of her. I had an anxiety attack later in the evening, wrote some reviews, and then took a shower before winding down for bed. My feet and legs have been swelling up again, so I’ve been trying to keep an eye on my vitals. That just means more spreadsheets.

Dig dug!

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Down and Dizzy

Summer made us some sausage, egg, and cheese biscuits for breakfast this morning, and I sat down to finalize my taxes. With passionate people on either side of the aisle, I went with an itemized deduction that felt fair in the spirit of the law and ended up paying a couple thousand more than what I had already started to withhold from my day job.

Eaddie was gone all day for “church” and then just living her life. Summer sat on the couch the entire day feeling pretty sorry for herself. I tried to get her to go out and walk Muad’Dib with me, but she just refused. We did warm up a chicken pot pie we picked up yesterday and ate that for a late lunch, and then I watered my plants and finally split and repotted the pink quill before taking a shower.

It looked a bit dark and stormy outside, so I took Muad’Dib for his best run all week. He must have really enjoyed the cool air. We visited my parents, and then just a block from home, I swerved back to make sure Muad’Dib didn’t run out into traffic, and the board got away from me. It wasn’t a terrible fall, but I messed up my knee and it felt progressively worse all night.

I made Summer get out of bed and watch me eat some meatloaf for a late dinner, and then wrapped up pretty quickly for bed. I had an anxiety attack in the afternoon while I was doing my taxes, and also felt waves of generalized anxiety for much of the day and beyond, so hopefully finishing my taxes and getting plenty of sleep will help get me out of that funk.

My meats are failing!

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All of Pardon

I woke up feeling pretty good this morning, so we went by Hardee’s to try their Frisco Breakfast Burger. It was a substantial meal, and I ended up chewing my last bite as I got parked at work. Things were quiet until I realized I had two calls to attend. The first was some “training” with the guys in the field that devolved a bit, but hopefully we got some actionable things out of it. Then in the early afternoon we had our weekly call with the Aptean folks without much of an agenda.

I forgot to go to lunch before our second call, so I just ended up drinking my Soylent that I didn’t drink for breakfast. The afternoon dragged a bit after that since we never really took a break.

Traffic wasn’t bad, but it was incredibly slow getting home. We planned to take Mom out for her birthday, but as usual, nothing really called to her. After a bit of back and forth, we ended up meeting everyone at Olive Garden. We walked around outside with Muad’Dib until everyone else got there. I had submitted a reservation through Google Maps and there wasn’t a line of people, but for some reason it did take them some time to seat us.

Dinner was good, and our server loaded us up with what appeared to be a career-ending number of dinner mints. I took Muad’Dib for a short run when we got back and had an anxiety attack at the end of our road. Then Summer went to bed while I finished up my stuff for the night.

Hey you! The sky’s on fire!

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Raise the Dead

I didn’t feel like I slept especially poorly last night, but I was in a deep sleep when my alarm went off this morning, and it took me forever to get going. I had a pretty jarring anxiety attack as we walked out the door. We got to work and I felt a little bit better, then had some coffee after a little while. I was super hungry by lunch, and Arby’s seemed like as good of a choice as anything. They had a fish sandwich box, and I got some extra fries to share with Muad’Dib.

We sat on a rock outside and ate in some surprisingly gusty wind. He did pretty great, and then I let him run up the road back to the office. I started to feel a little off in the afternoon, and I couldn’t figure out why. I’ve suspected the quality of my food, but it kind of feels like all I can do is go on a full Soylent diet to really test the theory.

The afternoon carried on, and then I took Muad’Dib for a run when we got home. He was frustratingly slow the whole way to the basin, so I stopped to sit down at a bench while he dove into the creek. Then I let him lead me through the neighborhood to Sequoyah where we turned up to the roundabout and back through the basin again. I let him take a swim in the cleaner, deeper part where we normally stop, and then we made it to see Dad. We waited for Mom to get home to try and confirm birthday plans, and then made it back to the house.

I gave Muad’Dib a really good bath and he did great. I spent a lot of extra time blow drying him instead of using his old, gross, dirty towel that needs laundering. He came out super fluffy, and was a good pup all night. Summer and I ate some different leftovers, and I started feeling a bit off again, so I laid down on the couch for a while. She went to sleep pretty quickly, and I tried to make it to bed a little earlier.

MOVE IT