Tag: anxiety

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B-

I got up this morning and cleaned up some old frozen French toast sticks the kids refused to eat themselves. Then I tried going through some more practice tests before it was time to check in for my A+ exam. I didn’t really get as much cramming done as I had hoped, but the first test was more or less a breeze. I felt pretty confident about most of my answers and ended up passing with what I’m guessing was a mid 90%.

My second exam was scheduled a little later so I had time for a shower and a little more studying. Then literally moments before I had to check in for the test, Summer said she was bringing Autumn home to shower because she suddenly couldn’t withstand her scented body wash. I told her that they would have to be completely silent and not come anywhere near me, so one could imagine my rage when Autumn started blaring music in the shower.

I had already started my exam and couldn’t back out or do anything to signal to her to turn the music down. So for half an hour, or an entire third of my allotted exam time, I shook with absolute rage that I couldn’t even read the questions in front of me. The exam was a big deal that I had put off for four years. I specifically scheduled a time when no one would be home, and when that didn’t pan out, it was a simple request for silence. I thought I had absolutely, without any doubt, completely bombed the test. My stomach was in knots for the entire 90 minutes, and when I read that I had passed, I was absolutely astounded. Of course when I confronted Autumn, the only response I got through her door was that “it wasn’t that loud.” I was just glad it was over and that I had another hour pass since my hottest moments.

Hungry and relieved, I re-prepared some awful hamburger meat that Autumn cooked a week ago. It only needed an intelligent touch of seasoning to be great enough for Eaddie and me to eat for dinner, but the star chef just couldn’t crack the code and left it to rot in the fridge.

Summer took Autumn to therapy and I took Eaddie home with me so I could pick up my contacts for real. Then we watched an episode of House until it was time to get Autumn and drop them off at karate. I waited for them at my parents’ house, where I finished setting up their new Chromecast with Google TV. I didn’t have long before I had to get the girls, and we got home just in time to realize Eaddie had forgotten her phone at the dojo. Summer eventually got home, and everyone was pretty quick to wind down from there.

If you’re not going to be prideworthy, at least be respectful and considerate.

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Cram Session

I went to the high school this morning and helped Mike run around campus and close some work orders. Some of the stuff he knows is maddeningly inconsistent with the stuff that he does know, but I suppose that’s to be expected when specializing in a particular field. I’ve just never seen it with someone that’s into technology.

It was Ben’s birthday, so I met everyone back at the shop for lunch. He wanted Linh’s, but they were closed and we ended up at Fat Daddy’s downtown. They seemed slow but asked if we had a reservation for some reason. The food took a while to come out and was predictably dry, but maybe I’m just spoiled now. I should have gotten chicken or steak.

After lunch, I went to the junior high and tried to be useful for a little while. I didn’t get as much done as I would have liked, but my mind was on my A+ exam and all the anxiety I’ve had about taking that tomorrow.

Eaddie wanted to ride the bus to the high school, so I just picked both of the girls up from there after work. We went to my house so I could gather up some things, then met Summer at home for a quick dinner before everyone pretty quickly filtered off to bed. I stayed up trying to cram some more for my exams, but truthfully I was just too exhausted to retain much. There’s no practical reason for me to remember all of the unused acronyms or port numbers, so hopefully there’s just not much of that on the test.

Testing is dumb.

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Brain Dump

This morning started out pretty slow, but I eventually got to be pretty productive. I worked in the shop all morning, then went to Linh’s with Greg for lunch. Apparently we’re on the fence about an interviewee, so the tenured had a lunch date with him to see if we’d all mesh. Spoiler alert: We won’t. At least not at first. It is tried and true that everyone always hates on the new guy at first, no matter how seasoned.

I spent the afternoon at the junior high, fighting off a bit of anxiety and killing time until school let out by working on some laptops. When Eaddie got out, I took her to her flute lesson – twice because she forgot her flute in my office the first time. Then I picked up Autumn and took her to the shop for a few minutes until quitting time.

We retrieved Eaddie, then went to pick up my contacts from the eye clinic. They wanted to charge me $188 for two boxes after insurance. The first and only contacts I’ve ever purchased in my life were purchased from Contacts1st.com without any insurance for $148 for FOUR boxes, and that included $10 for shipping. Now I get to call “the girl that does the insurance” tomorrow for an explanation and/or correction.

I dropped the girls off with Summer at her shop since none of them cared to go to karate. Then I stopped by the house just momentarily before remembering I could get a free scarf from T-Mobile. I picked that up, then stopped by Zaxby’s for a quick bite before going home to binge on A+ practice exams. I felt pretty good about my test results, but then I read about something called “performance based questions” that got me scared.

At least it’s scheduled, and not a moment too soon.

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Watched Pot

Today was almost entirely a bust. I got up and ate some leftover pizza and milled around the house until the girls left for lunch with their father and Summer went to the gym. I should have left, but instead I burned time all day long waiting for everyone to get back so we could continue to do nothing.

I did at least cook the turkey carcass to make stock for soup later. We finished our game of Phase 10 from days ago. I had to stay up late to boil the soup down a bunch for easier storage. I also sold what little bit of bitcoin I had for $4.21, which was a profit of 3.21 times my investment. I can only dream of an alternate life where I made it rich off the stuff, but I’m happy with my three bucks.

If only buying bitcoin had been easier to do back in the day…

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Are You Shedding Me?

The three of us got up and went to Denny’s for breakfast as a treat. We had what was probably the best service we’d ever had there, but then ran into an awkwardly slow checkout experience. None of the other customers seemed very happy about it, but I don’t know why they were all so surly.

On the way home we rescued a box turtle. Summer didn’t feel well for most of the day, and spent most of it on the couch. I hung the hammocks in case Eaddie wanted to do some school work outside. Then I cleaned out the shed where some animals evidently got in and shredded a bunch of cardboard boxes I had in there. Once it was cleaned out enough, Summer helped me move the kayaks out of the garage, so I’m just a little bit closer to being able to park in there again.

We came back inside to cool down in front of the TV, and when dinner time rolled around, we all agreed on pizza. I had some Papa John’s reward money expiring soon, so I picked that up for dinner and we watched some Glee. Then Eaddie and I ran to Julie’s house because she made some beef stew for us to try. Mom and Dad were there, but we didn’t stay long since Summer was still home on the couch. We watched a bit more TV, and then for some reason everyone went to bed really early.

How do I love thee?

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Talk About Feeling

It was pretty brisk getting home this morning, but I did it. Work was really quiet, and I just spent most of the morning trying to catch myself back up mentally. I took a moment to do my wellness questionnaire, and made an appointment for my wellness visit the same day as Summer’s dentist appointment.

I took a late lunch and brought Summer a Baconator since I knew she could really use a lunch break after returning to work. Then I went by the shop for a little while, but Ben wasn’t there to chat. I went back to the high school to wrap up, and the afternoon went by really quickly.

The girls had karate, so I ran home to change and to take a peek at the Grom to see what kind of damage we were looking at. The handlebars seem a smidge off, and the headlight leans left a bit now. The right handlebar stop seems not to work, but I couldn’t tell why. Hopefully the damage isn’t too bad, but maybe I’ll feel more confident working on a tiny, cheap bike that isn’t also my main ride.

After getting the girls to karate, I went by my parents’ house for some fish soup. They had already eaten, so I just ate on my own. Dad had some comments for me that required some thought, so after eating and heading back home, I decided to go back up to Summer’s for the evening.

The girls were all winding down, but Summer brought them in to chat, and we kind of just made sure everyone was happy. Maybe there are assumed guidelines to the whole step-thing that I don’t adhere to, or maybe it’s a lack of anyone else seeing the interactions of my family in their own home. Maybe they’ve underestimated how long we’ve all been around each other in such close quarters. At the end of the day, the Captain’s got to go with his gut.

No complaints from the crew tonight.

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Bake and Fry and Grill, Oh My!

We got up this morning and had the last of the eggs. I’ve really enjoyed frying eggs. They’re so simple, and so delicious. Summer left for the gym while I got baked potatoes ready for dinner with my parents. For as little as I actually did, I was still just completely beat.

The cat refused to eat anything again, which has been wearing on me more than anything else. He tried to throw up his medicine today, but Summer said it just came out foamy. I don’t know what else to do.

I had to run to Walmart for some stuff for the twice-baked potatoes, then came home to load everything up and head to my parents’ house. The girls were back home, so they beat me there and were playing in the pool. I got there and started frying bacon for the potatoes. Everything came together reasonably well, but there were just so many people there with the girls, Julie, and Nova.

Afterward, I came straight home and tried to bring the cat in. He immediately went and had diarrhea in the tub, which really was the best possible scenario. He also dumped water all over the kitchen floor though, so I just kept running around after him, trying to clean up. He has me absolutely ragged. Every day, I wish they had just put him out of both of our misery.

The vet never asks about your quality of life.

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Michael and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today was easily the roughest day I’ve ever had at a job. My hair dryer blew up on me yesterday, so I went to the high school with wet hair to try and work on as much as I could possibly accomplish. It wasn’t long before I was sent to the shop to help Bedo with hotspots. All the while, I had people begging me to tend to their problems. Nothing was working. Everything was broken. I was the only person that could fix any of it.

I tried to pick at a couple of my oldest work orders just to accomplish anything at all, but I’m sure that just made others even more upset with me for not picking their issues. I just couldn’t win with anyone. Even Luke got my number and had to text me, on top of an email he already sent me, on top of the work orders I had already received, on top of the in-person harassment I’d already received.

The hotspots weren’t cooperating either, and any time I got into anything at the shop, I’d get called away by someone else needing something. It truly felt like I was just the sole face of the department. When I finally felt like I had a win helping Bryan with something, even my own team aggressively shot me down with hostility.

I finally left, late again, and utterly defeated. The girls had activities, so I had to pick them up. Autumn went to band, and Eaddie went to karate. Then I had to pick Eaddie up because Summer’s work meeting ran late.

The girls were going to stay the night, but ended up going home instead. I drank my dinner and cleaned more carpet. Zero wins today.

I think I’ll move to Australia.

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Living Within the Means

Summer got up and took the girls home while I started cleaning in the garage. Frustration and anxiety about some of the things I’ve hoarded has made it a tiny bit easier to get rid of them, but it’s still not easy. Seeded deep within me is a primal need to be prepared for the day I’ll need some of those things, and I have a genuine fear of not having them when the day comes.

Along with removing the less valuable things comes reorganizing the things that will stay. I have amassed a veritable trove of things larger than I am, and I’ll have to find enough wall space to store them all. I can get a little creative with suspending things from the ceiling, but that will take a considerable amount of work in and of itself. It is neat to be back in a place where I can imagine a realistically finished project though.

The girls eventually came back and we took the leftover barbecue to my parents’ house for lunch. We got there and realized I had forgotten the sauce, so Summer and I ran back across town for that before we could eat. After lunch, Mom seemed to be feeling some kind of way about the way I’ve tried to live within my means, and kept encouraging me to go into debt all just to build a new house. Being out of debt and having money in the bank has been a point of personal pride for me for quite a while, so building a new house isn’t even in my 10-year plan.

We made it back to my house and the girls went home while I cleaned up a bit more. Split wasn’t well, and has gotten to the point where he only eats the gravy out of the canned food I’ve been getting him. Of course he’ll eat the more expensive cans though, so I suppose I’ll be getting more of those tomorrow. Ultimately I made my way up to Summer’s for the evening, and watched some Glee with her and Eaddie before bed.

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
-Douglas Adams

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Commendearing Cow

I did it. I got up nearly an hour and a half early this morning in commitment to a joke that only served to entertain myself. I had the time, so I stopped in to Casey’s for a free breakfast slice on the way to work. When I got there, the new guy was already standing awkwardly downstairs outside the basement doors. I guess nobody told him we’ve been starting at 9am, so he showed up at 7:45am.

We went inside, and I invited him into Ben’s my office, where I planted my pirate flag and sat down in his my chair. We chatted for a few minutes while I opened up my laptop to check some email, until Ben and Greg walked in together. Ben came in and without any hesitation just knocked my pirate flag off his desk and pushed me out of his chair. I was really hoping we’d have an hour to chat alone, but with Kyle starting his first day and others trickling in, it just didn’t happen. We all sort of openly groaned about how disappointed we were in his response to the board last night, but I guess that’s just what we get for trying.

I made my way to the high school and started on a few things there. Most of it blurred together into a haze of meaningless work, but I know I got a couple docking stations swapped. It was uncharacteristically quiet for my hallway, but I wasn’t going to complain. I made my way back to the shop in case anyone wanted to have lunch, and Allen suggested Cici’s. He got Greg and Josh to go, and even Kyle and Melinda decided to join us. Summer took the day off from work and met us there to eat.

Kyle was kind of super awkward, though seemingly familiar. He kept making jokes about all the cops and Army fellows coming in because they heard about my act of piracy this morning, but I never saw anyone from the Navy.

After lunch, I started to go back to the high school but got roped into helping Allen get the bus yard gate open. I thought it would be an easy task, but then we both got trapped and had to call on Gary to let us out. I guess our garage door opener was failing, so he had to borrow one from maintenance to let us out.

Once I finally got back to the high school, the afternoon went by pretty quickly. I started pumping out flash drives for the student devices, and it was time to go before I knew it. I headed home to meet Richard from Dependable, and he poked around my air units to check for leaks. I’m not even sure he checked whether it was low, but he ended up adding some dye before he left, and said he would be back in a few weeks.

Summer came back shortly after, and I started picking up a tiny bit while she watched TV. I washed my comforter, warmed up some egg rolls, and made myself a salad with what she brought over. We spent the evening shopping and dreaming about cars, and it just made me sad to know how poor I am.

You know it’s going to be a long day when you start by commandeering the whole department.