Tag: anxiety

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Watched Pot

Today was almost entirely a bust. I got up and ate some leftover pizza and milled around the house until the girls left for lunch with their father and Summer went to the gym. I should have left, but instead I burned time all day long waiting for everyone to get back so we could continue to do nothing.

I did at least cook the turkey carcass to make stock for soup later. We finished our game of Phase 10 from days ago. I had to stay up late to boil the soup down a bunch for easier storage. I also sold what little bit of bitcoin I had for $4.21, which was a profit of 3.21 times my investment. I can only dream of an alternate life where I made it rich off the stuff, but I’m happy with my three bucks.

If only buying bitcoin had been easier to do back in the day…

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Are You Shedding Me?

The three of us got up and went to Denny’s for breakfast as a treat. We had what was probably the best service we’d ever had there, but then ran into an awkwardly slow checkout experience. None of the other customers seemed very happy about it, but I don’t know why they were all so surly.

On the way home we rescued a box turtle. Summer didn’t feel well for most of the day, and spent most of it on the couch. I hung the hammocks in case Eaddie wanted to do some school work outside. Then I cleaned out the shed where some animals evidently got in and shredded a bunch of cardboard boxes I had in there. Once it was cleaned out enough, Summer helped me move the kayaks out of the garage, so I’m just a little bit closer to being able to park in there again.

We came back inside to cool down in front of the TV, and when dinner time rolled around, we all agreed on pizza. I had some Papa John’s reward money expiring soon, so I picked that up for dinner and we watched some Glee. Then Eaddie and I ran to Julie’s house because she made some beef stew for us to try. Mom and Dad were there, but we didn’t stay long since Summer was still home on the couch. We watched a bit more TV, and then for some reason everyone went to bed really early.

How do I love thee?

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Talk About Feeling

It was pretty brisk getting home this morning, but I did it. Work was really quiet, and I just spent most of the morning trying to catch myself back up mentally. I took a moment to do my wellness questionnaire, and made an appointment for my wellness visit the same day as Summer’s dentist appointment.

I took a late lunch and brought Summer a Baconator since I knew she could really use a lunch break after returning to work. Then I went by the shop for a little while, but Ben wasn’t there to chat. I went back to the high school to wrap up, and the afternoon went by really quickly.

The girls had karate, so I ran home to change and to take a peek at the Grom to see what kind of damage we were looking at. The handlebars seem a smidge off, and the headlight leans left a bit now. The right handlebar stop seems not to work, but I couldn’t tell why. Hopefully the damage isn’t too bad, but maybe I’ll feel more confident working on a tiny, cheap bike that isn’t also my main ride.

After getting the girls to karate, I went by my parents’ house for some fish soup. They had already eaten, so I just ate on my own. Dad had some comments for me that required some thought, so after eating and heading back home, I decided to go back up to Summer’s for the evening.

The girls were all winding down, but Summer brought them in to chat, and we kind of just made sure everyone was happy. Maybe there are assumed guidelines to the whole step-thing that I don’t adhere to, or maybe it’s a lack of anyone else seeing the interactions of my family in their own home. Maybe they’ve underestimated how long we’ve all been around each other in such close quarters. At the end of the day, the Captain’s got to go with his gut.

No complaints from the crew tonight.

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Bake and Fry and Grill, Oh My!

We got up this morning and had the last of the eggs. I’ve really enjoyed frying eggs. They’re so simple, and so delicious. Summer left for the gym while I got baked potatoes ready for dinner with my parents. For as little as I actually did, I was still just completely beat.

The cat refused to eat anything again, which has been wearing on me more than anything else. He tried to throw up his medicine today, but Summer said it just came out foamy. I don’t know what else to do.

I had to run to Walmart for some stuff for the twice-baked potatoes, then came home to load everything up and head to my parents’ house. The girls were back home, so they beat me there and were playing in the pool. I got there and started frying bacon for the potatoes. Everything came together reasonably well, but there were just so many people there with the girls, Julie, and Nova.

Afterward, I came straight home and tried to bring the cat in. He immediately went and had diarrhea in the tub, which really was the best possible scenario. He also dumped water all over the kitchen floor though, so I just kept running around after him, trying to clean up. He has me absolutely ragged. Every day, I wish they had just put him out of both of our misery.

The vet never asks about your quality of life.

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Michael and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today was easily the roughest day I’ve ever had at a job. My hair dryer blew up on me yesterday, so I went to the high school with wet hair to try and work on as much as I could possibly accomplish. It wasn’t long before I was sent to the shop to help Bedo with hotspots. All the while, I had people begging me to tend to their problems. Nothing was working. Everything was broken. I was the only person that could fix any of it.

I tried to pick at a couple of my oldest work orders just to accomplish anything at all, but I’m sure that just made others even more upset with me for not picking their issues. I just couldn’t win with anyone. Even Luke got my number and had to text me, on top of an email he already sent me, on top of the work orders I had already received, on top of the in-person harassment I’d already received.

The hotspots weren’t cooperating either, and any time I got into anything at the shop, I’d get called away by someone else needing something. It truly felt like I was just the sole face of the department. When I finally felt like I had a win helping Bryan with something, even my own team aggressively shot me down with hostility.

I finally left, late again, and utterly defeated. The girls had activities, so I had to pick them up. Autumn went to band, and Eaddie went to karate. Then I had to pick Eaddie up because Summer’s work meeting ran late.

The girls were going to stay the night, but ended up going home instead. I drank my dinner and cleaned more carpet. Zero wins today.

I think I’ll move to Australia.

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Living Within the Means

Summer got up and took the girls home while I started cleaning in the garage. Frustration and anxiety about some of the things I’ve hoarded has made it a tiny bit easier to get rid of them, but it’s still not easy. Seeded deep within me is a primal need to be prepared for the day I’ll need some of those things, and I have a genuine fear of not having them when the day comes.

Along with removing the less valuable things comes reorganizing the things that will stay. I have amassed a veritable trove of things larger than I am, and I’ll have to find enough wall space to store them all. I can get a little creative with suspending things from the ceiling, but that will take a considerable amount of work in and of itself. It is neat to be back in a place where I can imagine a realistically finished project though.

The girls eventually came back and we took the leftover barbecue to my parents’ house for lunch. We got there and realized I had forgotten the sauce, so Summer and I ran back across town for that before we could eat. After lunch, Mom seemed to be feeling some kind of way about the way I’ve tried to live within my means, and kept encouraging me to go into debt all just to build a new house. Being out of debt and having money in the bank has been a point of personal pride for me for quite a while, so building a new house isn’t even in my 10-year plan.

We made it back to my house and the girls went home while I cleaned up a bit more. Split wasn’t well, and has gotten to the point where he only eats the gravy out of the canned food I’ve been getting him. Of course he’ll eat the more expensive cans though, so I suppose I’ll be getting more of those tomorrow. Ultimately I made my way up to Summer’s for the evening, and watched some Glee with her and Eaddie before bed.

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
-Douglas Adams

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Commendearing Cow

I did it. I got up nearly an hour and a half early this morning in commitment to a joke that only served to entertain myself. I had the time, so I stopped in to Casey’s for a free breakfast slice on the way to work. When I got there, the new guy was already standing awkwardly downstairs outside the basement doors. I guess nobody told him we’ve been starting at 9am, so he showed up at 7:45am.

We went inside, and I invited him into Ben’s my office, where I planted my pirate flag and sat down in his my chair. We chatted for a few minutes while I opened up my laptop to check some email, until Ben and Greg walked in together. Ben came in and without any hesitation just knocked my pirate flag off his desk and pushed me out of his chair. I was really hoping we’d have an hour to chat alone, but with Kyle starting his first day and others trickling in, it just didn’t happen. We all sort of openly groaned about how disappointed we were in his response to the board last night, but I guess that’s just what we get for trying.

I made my way to the high school and started on a few things there. Most of it blurred together into a haze of meaningless work, but I know I got a couple docking stations swapped. It was uncharacteristically quiet for my hallway, but I wasn’t going to complain. I made my way back to the shop in case anyone wanted to have lunch, and Allen suggested Cici’s. He got Greg and Josh to go, and even Kyle and Melinda decided to join us. Summer took the day off from work and met us there to eat.

Kyle was kind of super awkward, though seemingly familiar. He kept making jokes about all the cops and Army fellows coming in because they heard about my act of piracy this morning, but I never saw anyone from the Navy.

After lunch, I started to go back to the high school but got roped into helping Allen get the bus yard gate open. I thought it would be an easy task, but then we both got trapped and had to call on Gary to let us out. I guess our garage door opener was failing, so he had to borrow one from maintenance to let us out.

Once I finally got back to the high school, the afternoon went by pretty quickly. I started pumping out flash drives for the student devices, and it was time to go before I knew it. I headed home to meet Richard from Dependable, and he poked around my air units to check for leaks. I’m not even sure he checked whether it was low, but he ended up adding some dye before he left, and said he would be back in a few weeks.

Summer came back shortly after, and I started picking up a tiny bit while she watched TV. I washed my comforter, warmed up some egg rolls, and made myself a salad with what she brought over. We spent the evening shopping and dreaming about cars, and it just made me sad to know how poor I am.

You know it’s going to be a long day when you start by commandeering the whole department.

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Wing It

We got up this morning and munched on some leftovers for brunch. The girls would be going with their father for the week, so Summer had them up and into some chores before I left. I went home to try and clean up a bit myself, but I just felt sapped pretty much all day for some reason. I had a little trouble getting to sleep last night, so it’s possible I just wasn’t well rested.

It took me a few trips, but I got everything unloaded from the car. I had to stop and clean up after the cat as soon as I got into the house, so I didn’t really get anything put away properly until later. Instead of getting things properly cleaned like I needed to, I got into tinkering with Plex until it was time to get a shower and meet back up with the girls.

Dad grilled chicken wings for Julie’s birthday party yesterday, so I met the girls over there for dinner. Their father showed up just a few minutes after we got there, so Summer sent them off and then came back in to eat with me. Infinity War was playing on the TV, so we watched the end of it before heading back to my house for the evening.

Just make the decision to be confident, and no one else will be the wiser.

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Rather Be Napping

Summer and I got up this morning and put together a big “everything” Italian loaf egg sandwich for breakfast. Autumn protested the eggs, but I convinced her to eat everything else by reminding her how many times she had gotten her way with food all week long.

As soon as we finished, I made Eaddie go outside to mow the lawn before it got any hotter. She didn’t do a great job of listening, and had to split the sweaty job with both Autumn and Summer, but I was glad to see Autumn volunteer. I got some bills paid and was going to go home to start on taxes, but just cleaned up a bit instead since I thought the girls would be staying the night.

I brought Summer’s string trimmer back with me and trimmed a little bit of the fence line before they all got back from shopping. They ended up making a pretty big supply run for her guests tomorrow. We all picked at some leftovers for dinner, and then Summer prepped some things for that while I put on Firefly.

Autumn went bowling with a girlfriend and her family, and I had to go pick her up when they finished. By the time we got back and settled in, it was too late to really go down to my house. Eaddie had already been asleep in bed for a while, but I bribed her out with an ice cream run.

We went to Sonic first, but were turned away because their ice cream machine was down. Then we went to Dairy Queen and spent even more on a couple Blizzards. Everyone was off to bed when we got back, and I spent a little time snoozing while Summer watched TV before we finally went to bed.

Nervous poops?

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Stiff Upper Lip

I got up this morning after a pretty decent night’s sleep and began another week of working from home. There wasn’t a whole lot going on, but we’re used to that by now. I took a break when Travis invited me to his Animal Crossing island, and he taught me how to bury fruit in holes to grow new trees.

Arby’s had another $1 special on roast beef sandwiches, so I left for lunch, took a shower, and took Summer some lunch. Then I made my way back to the girls so they could eat before I took Autumn to her physical therapy. While she was there, I went back home to clean up a bit more, then loaded up some of Dad’s tools from our bathroom demolition.

Autumn didn’t want to get out of the car, so I went up to return the tools and visit with my parents for just a little bit. Then we went back home to start dinner. I wanted to make refried beans and carnitas, but I had already run out of time as it was. The carnitas recipe was pretty simple, but I had Autumn help with some of the prep work.

At the end of the day, the food was really good, especially when lifted with some specialty Great Value salsa we found yesterday. Somewhere along the course of the day I got into something that had the middle of my upper lip swollen. It got worse as the evening progressed, and after a near-panic attack for seemingly no reason, I laid down in bed until everyone went to sleep.

I had started the beans after the carnitas were done, so I had to get out of bed to try and finish those. I blended them too early though, and ended up with more of a bean soup than anything else. I don’t know what was so different from last time, but I don’t recall having any liquid left after cooking. Hopefully leaving the thing on overnight won’t end horribly.

Relax. It’s fine, probably.