Tag: anxiety

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Properly Mounted

The girls went out with their father around lunch time while Summer and I spent too many hours swapping TV mounts. I got a new tilting mount for the living room because the height of the TV made 3D unbearably blurry. Once we got the new mount hung, I dropped the angle of the TV until 3D looked right while seated or standing. Then we took the old mount to the front bedroom where the girls have been sleeping, and hung the super cheap Onn TV we had. I also had a new Chromecast with Google TV, so they’ll be happy.

Once that was sorted, Summer went to the gym until it was time to head to my parents’ house for dinner. Mom made some phở, and of course Dad had dessert. Then we each went home for the night. I continued picking up around the house and did another load of laundry. I’ve been feeling slowly overwhelmed by both work and home, and there’s still so much that I have to complete before our vacation.

My heart longs to join them, sing songs of the sea.

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So You’re PMSing Pretty Bad, Huh?

It was nice enough this morning that I got the R1 out, but I didn’t get much time on it. I started super tired and got a slow start, which landed me at work pretty late, but I stayed even later to make up for it. I felt like it was a pretty productive day of mostly helping others, but I also felt like I was the only one that saw it that way. I’ve been feeling more or less like a superficial cog in the wheel, taking on menial tasks without any real, tangible usefulness.

Lunch at Fat Daddy’s didn’t make it any better. Gary and I got the Tuesday special, which was a “brisket sandwich” that looked like an overcooked philly cheesesteak sandwich without the grilled onions or peppers. It was more like a French dip than anything, and it was pretty awful. I left hungry and dissatisfied, both because of the food and the amount of time it took to get to us. I don’t know how a barbecue place that has to smoke meats hours ahead can take so long to slice and assemble a plate.

The afternoon was successful in that I got rid of the Mac that has been sitting downstairs for the past couple weeks. I was also promised some recommendations for Ben’s position, though I’m not super hopeful about that. I’m cautiously, if not unjustifiably optimistic. Ben told me to take my speakers home, which sort of inadvertently crushed what little bit of happiness I’ve had at work lately.

I stopped by to see Summer on the way home and we chatted a little bit before she went home. Still hungry from a disappointing lunch, I stopped by McDonald’s for a sad bacon double quarter pounder, then Wendy’s for a sad order of fries. I ate, finished up a bottle of apple pie, and watched a couple more episodes of Superman & Lois before crashing for the night.

I suppose you’re all wondering why I called you here today.

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Mama Bear

I slept on top of the sheets last night, so it was pretty rough getting out of bed. I eventually made it to the high school to drop off the last of my CDs for Daniel to use in their play. Then I continued to the shop for the day. I told Melinda about the trouble I had the night before, and she went full-on mother-mode with the advice and being super nice all day.

Brody and Kyle came to the shop so we could hang a touch panel at Crawford, which got us through to lunch. Melinda and I were the only ones still at the shop, so she insisted that I choose, and we went to New China so I could eat my feelings. Then when we got back, she turned off her Britney Spears playlist and played Linkin Park for me for most of the rest of the day.

My office has been a big hit lately for people to mingle, which is both new and kind of neat, though distracting. I spent most of the day trying to help other people and not getting much of anything else done. I worked a little bit late, but had to get the girls to karate.

Both of the girls were pretty quiet today, and the drive to karate didn’t take long. Once they were out, I went to my parents’ house to figure out what was really going to happen with my living situation. As I suspected, it was all a misunderstanding since I’ve been watching the housing market. I’ve been pretty vocal about my plan, but still caught a lot of flak for reasons I don’t understand. At the end of the day, I get to keep living here, which is what really matters.

Dad came back with me to seal the wall back up, then move the cabinet back into its corner. We had to try multiple times because it wasn’t quite square, causing the doors to not open or not stay closed. I never got it quite perfect, but it worked well enough to load up with a bunch of stuff from the garage. Still not enough room for activities, but at least it’s easier to move around in there.

When attacked by a bear, simply lie still on the ground and cover your face and head with your hands. When the bear is finished batting you around and mauling you, contact the US Forest Service.

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Not Necessarily

We had our meeting this morning and Ben officially announced his upcoming departure. I’m a little terrified they’ll bring back someone else for his role instead of promoting from within, but that’s not as upsetting as it is that he’s leaving in the first place. Ben has been my favorite boss ever, and I owe most of my success in the field to him.

After the meeting, Zach took me to Crawford to swap out a cart for some tech tubs. Then we drove up to Center Valley to help Gary and Mike move some computers around temporarily. They were actually almost done, but we didn’t find out until we got back that we were actually supposed to completely strip one of the labs so maintenance could tear out the desks to turn the room into a professional development area.

Greg joined Zach, Gary, and me for lunch when I convinced them all to go to Slim Chickens instead of CJ’s. For some reason they had the air conditioner blasting inside, which froze Greg and me out, so we ate outside. I had a birthday dessert, but forgot to get it before we left, so I ended up picking it up after work.

In the afternoon, I went to the middle school and Dwight to help Josh and Kyle swap a couple SMART boards for a TV and a touch panel. The dumb thing was that both projectors worked. Evidently we were just trying to teach one teacher a lesson, and ran out of replacement bulbs for the other one.

Zach sent everyone home a little early, but I didn’t get out until later after chatting with Ben some more. Then I got my dessert jar and stopped by to see Summer before heading home.

I had a few instances of some anxiety/whatever issues today, but seemed to breathe out of them better than anything else. It really made me wonder if it was more of an oxygen thing. I guess it could still be anemia.

Who’s been messing up everything???

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No, that’s just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that.

I woke up expectedly tired this morning after a bit of sleep. I accidentally dozed off for a few minutes after the alarm went off, but made it home in time to get to work. I went to the high school first thing, and spent all morning working in the office with Mike. I shuffled some computers around on the desk to get them out of his way, but still need to move them to some final resting place.

Summer got her Invisalign this morning and wanted to meet up for lunch, so we went to Stoby’s. Then it was back to the shop to help Mike set up some brand new iPads. I eventually made my way back to the high school and ended the day crimping more patch cables for Ethan’s lab.

By the time I got home, I wasn’t feeling super smurfy, so I stayed in the rest of the night. I’ve been getting those anxious or panicky feelings more frequently lately, and have been wondering if maybe it’s actually an anemia thing that just makes me feel like all my blood is draining. Eventually I’ll have to see the doctor, but for the time being I’ve decided to play with my blood pressure medication dosing.

All through my life I’ve had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was.

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Mooving Day

Mike was out today, but I still spent all morning at the high school, trying to get some software to work. I picked Summer up for lunch at Western Sizzlin, then ran home to bring in a FedEx delivery. It was my McDonald’s chkndrop, which consisted of an overbuilt, square-shaped shoebox type container, a seven inch vinyl record, a gold colored metal gift card, and a hoodie.

I spent most of the afternoon at the shop, and claimed a new office space next to Ben. I really wanted his old office, but evidently it still floods, so I took the office next to him instead. The desks weren’t ideal for me, but I’ll make it work.

When I got home, Dad was already there with a guy to check out my bathrooms for a remodel. He seemed the most gruff of the three guys we’ve had out, so at that rate, I’d be afraid to see what scruffy kind of fellow he’d find next. His ballpark figure came in quite a bit lower than the first guys, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about that yet.

The night went by slowly at first, and then sped by as it came time to wind down for bed. Hopefully I wake up more rested tomorrow.

I should have moved into the Murder Basement.

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Are You Packing?

I woke up this morning and got right to work digging things out to pack for the trip. It took me all day, but I finally did it. Almost.

Summer brought the girls over after school to see if they wanted to borrow any backpacks for the trip. Once I was comfortable with leaving, I headed up the hill to help them pack everything into as few checked bags as possible. We managed to get everybody into carry-on bags, personal items, and one giant checked suitcase. Then I had to pick Noah up from his house because his father wanted his truck to stay at their house.

I realized at some point in the evening that I had forgotten my watch charger, so I ran home to get that on my way to get Noah. Then we got back to the girls and got everyone to bed as quickly as possible. It’s high anxiety for basically everyone but the kids because they’re just used to being carefree and relying on us to pick up any slack. Hopefully nobody forgot anything.

So we’re going full-kitchen-sink, eh?

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B-

I got up this morning and cleaned up some old frozen French toast sticks the kids refused to eat themselves. Then I tried going through some more practice tests before it was time to check in for my A+ exam. I didn’t really get as much cramming done as I had hoped, but the first test was more or less a breeze. I felt pretty confident about most of my answers and ended up passing with what I’m guessing was a mid 90%.

My second exam was scheduled a little later so I had time for a shower and a little more studying. Then literally moments before I had to check in for the test, Summer said she was bringing Autumn home to shower because she suddenly couldn’t withstand her scented body wash. I told her that they would have to be completely silent and not come anywhere near me, so one could imagine my rage when Autumn started blaring music in the shower.

I had already started my exam and couldn’t back out or do anything to signal to her to turn the music down. So for half an hour, or an entire third of my allotted exam time, I shook with absolute rage that I couldn’t even read the questions in front of me. The exam was a big deal that I had put off for four years. I specifically scheduled a time when no one would be home, and when that didn’t pan out, it was a simple request for silence. I thought I had absolutely, without any doubt, completely bombed the test. My stomach was in knots for the entire 90 minutes, and when I read that I had passed, I was absolutely astounded. Of course when I confronted Autumn, the only response I got through her door was that “it wasn’t that loud.” I was just glad it was over and that I had another hour pass since my hottest moments.

Hungry and relieved, I re-prepared some awful hamburger meat that Autumn cooked a week ago. It only needed an intelligent touch of seasoning to be great enough for Eaddie and me to eat for dinner, but the star chef just couldn’t crack the code and left it to rot in the fridge.

Summer took Autumn to therapy and I took Eaddie home with me so I could pick up my contacts for real. Then we watched an episode of House until it was time to get Autumn and drop them off at karate. I waited for them at my parents’ house, where I finished setting up their new Chromecast with Google TV. I didn’t have long before I had to get the girls, and we got home just in time to realize Eaddie had forgotten her phone at the dojo. Summer eventually got home, and everyone was pretty quick to wind down from there.

If you’re not going to be prideworthy, at least be respectful and considerate.

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Cram Session

I went to the high school this morning and helped Mike run around campus and close some work orders. Some of the stuff he knows is maddeningly inconsistent with the stuff that he does know, but I suppose that’s to be expected when specializing in a particular field. I’ve just never seen it with someone that’s into technology.

It was Ben’s birthday, so I met everyone back at the shop for lunch. He wanted Linh’s, but they were closed and we ended up at Fat Daddy’s downtown. They seemed slow but asked if we had a reservation for some reason. The food took a while to come out and was predictably dry, but maybe I’m just spoiled now. I should have gotten chicken or steak.

After lunch, I went to the junior high and tried to be useful for a little while. I didn’t get as much done as I would have liked, but my mind was on my A+ exam and all the anxiety I’ve had about taking that tomorrow.

Eaddie wanted to ride the bus to the high school, so I just picked both of the girls up from there after work. We went to my house so I could gather up some things, then met Summer at home for a quick dinner before everyone pretty quickly filtered off to bed. I stayed up trying to cram some more for my exams, but truthfully I was just too exhausted to retain much. There’s no practical reason for me to remember all of the unused acronyms or port numbers, so hopefully there’s just not much of that on the test.

Testing is dumb.

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Brain Dump

This morning started out pretty slow, but I eventually got to be pretty productive. I worked in the shop all morning, then went to Linh’s with Greg for lunch. Apparently we’re on the fence about an interviewee, so the tenured had a lunch date with him to see if we’d all mesh. Spoiler alert: We won’t. At least not at first. It is tried and true that everyone always hates on the new guy at first, no matter how seasoned.

I spent the afternoon at the junior high, fighting off a bit of anxiety and killing time until school let out by working on some laptops. When Eaddie got out, I took her to her flute lesson – twice because she forgot her flute in my office the first time. Then I picked up Autumn and took her to the shop for a few minutes until quitting time.

We retrieved Eaddie, then went to pick up my contacts from the eye clinic. They wanted to charge me $188 for two boxes after insurance. The first and only contacts I’ve ever purchased in my life were purchased from Contacts1st.com without any insurance for $148 for FOUR boxes, and that included $10 for shipping. Now I get to call “the girl that does the insurance” tomorrow for an explanation and/or correction.

I dropped the girls off with Summer at her shop since none of them cared to go to karate. Then I stopped by the house just momentarily before remembering I could get a free scarf from T-Mobile. I picked that up, then stopped by Zaxby’s for a quick bite before going home to binge on A+ practice exams. I felt pretty good about my test results, but then I read about something called “performance based questions” that got me scared.

At least it’s scheduled, and not a moment too soon.