Tag: frustration

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Lessons Fought

Eaddie called me a little after midnight, which of course startled us both. I tried to answer, but then she walked around the corner toward the bedroom and said she needed help. Summer jumped up too, but I dressed and followed her outside to investigate. Eli was sitting in the Pathfinder in the driveway right behind my car, and had gotten stuck on the ice slope.

We couldn’t even walk on the ice because it was so slick, so I got a couple containers for the kids to shuttle water back and forth. Eaddie was minimally helpful, and sassed me any time I told her to do anything. Summer eventually came out with my axe and started whaling on the ice to break it up. After a couple hours, we finally got free and climbed out of the driveway. I mentioned Eaddie’s attitude to Summer, and she decided to address it right away before the kids left. Of course Eaddie started crying in frustration, which broke Summer down. I meant for it to be discussed later, but apparently Eaddie had previously expressed wanting to be called out on the spot. They left and Summer and I struggled to go back to sleep.

As tired as I was in the morning, we made it to work for a long day. Rhonda said Muad’Dib had peed on Teddy’s bed in their office, which surprised me since he’s usually right around me. I tried to stay focused, but had a pretty bad anxiety attack in the morning. We got mozzarella sticks from Sonic, then a box from Taco Bell since it actually felt reasonably nice outside. Some old jackass parked crooked next to me, but luckily I could Summon my car out of the spot and load Muad’Dib back in when we left.

The afternoon dragged on a bit, and then we headed home. Janice gave me some money for gift cards from Old South and Brown’s, but the latter would be closed until the next day. The girls were at the house when we got there, but things seemed quiet. Summer bathed and I left to pick up some food. Eaddie denied hunger, but I knew she would eat, so I picked up a bunch of wings from Buffalo Wild Wings, and then a plate from Panda Express. Buffalo Wild Wings was terribly slow, and the boneless wings were terribly small, and of course Panda Express had boxed up my order half an hour before I finally got there.

We all sat down to eat, which was nice, but then Summer quietly summoned me to the bedroom for a talk. I think we both knew Eaddie was really upset that Summer had reversed her decision to get out by the end of the week, but I guess they talked about it and it had them both very bothered. I went to talk to Eaddie about it myself, and I felt like we had a pretty good conversation. Of course I won’t know how she really feels, but hopefully she and Summer can revisit later, and I’m sure we’ll be fine if we can all agree to focus our energy in a positive way.

Eaddie left to practice at Witherspoon, and I rushed to bed without much of a catch-up session with Summer. The less energy we have to spend on catching up for things like this, the better.

Beat the keys out of it.

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But They Were, All of Them, Deceived

Summer went in to open this morning, and I did a pretty good job of staying on task most of the day. I stopped to make an Instant Pot split pea soup for a late lunch, expecting Summer to be home just after one. She texted to have Eaddie get dressed to go pick up her car from Maristella’s, but after they were gone for a while, I saw that they had actually been looking at a couple of rental houses, and never even drove by Maristella’s. I texted, then called, and her response was that they weren’t trying to be deceiving, but discovered the new listings and wanted to check them out while they were in town.

I had to take a break to shower, and then we sat down to talk when they got home. There are just so many layers of trauma to peel back, and we’ll never be able to get through it all alone. I felt like we had a good talk, but Summer hated it. I think if we can at least commit to some therapy, it will go a long way.

Eaddie left with Eli for a while, so Summer and I ate some soup. I sat with her for a while, and tried to comfort her the best I could. For now, we continue to ride the waves.

Tough Nut

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CTRL-Z

I had trouble staying warm today. I got up with Summer as she left for work, and tried my best to focus on just about anything. I ended up taking a long bath to regulate my temperature.

Summer had to stay over three hours late because of call-ins, so I ordered some Domino’s to take to them. I made Eaddie come with me so we could try and get her car from Maristella’s. We got the pizza and went to the wash where there were actually only two of them working. Eaddie and I ate a little bit, though she had just eaten a grilled cheese and tomato soup. Muad’Dib enjoyed getting out and continually whined the entire time he was in the car.

When we left the wash, we went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. Eaddie split off from me to find something for her cross stitching, but couldn’t find what she needed. I just got what I needed for a split pea soup. We slid by Maristella’s on the way back, but they weren’t home, so Eaddie couldn’t get her keys.

When we got back to the house, Nick was outside trying to shovel their driveway. I offered my newly-unboxed snow thrower, which made quick work of their driveway. Muad’Dib enjoyed running around for a bit before we went inside.

I spent the rest of the evening documenting monthly expenditures to present to Summer, since she seemed to feel as though she was being cheated in the way we split our bills. In the end, things worked out even closer than I expected. She got home and bathed, and then I gave her a recap before she went to sleep.

Most of our biggest disappointments with other people come from our expectation that they will handle situations with our mindset, heart, and values.

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Wear

Summer got up to go to work this morning so they could start cleaning up the properties. I was worried she would get stuck in the driveway, but she actually got out just fine. I tried to get things warmed up a little bit in the house, and then started working from home. Eaddie was up and wanted tuna for brunch, so I made a whopping three cans of that for pitas. I eventually got cleaned up, and I thought Summer was going to pick up some groceries so I could make a split pea soup, but that didn’t happen.

By the time she got home, Summer just wanted to bathe and watch TV. I made some rice to go with the leftover chicken and vegetables, and warmed up the spaghetti for the girls. They watched Storm Chasers for a bit, and then I followed Summer to the bedroom where she watched Jungle Cruise. Afterward I tried talking with her some more, but she just started getting really negative again, and I couldn’t break her out of it.

I went to my office for a while to wrap up the evening, and had an anxiety attack just as I was getting ready to go to bed.

because an echo is always followed by silence.

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Never Stop Never Stopping

I slept in a little bit since I would be working from home today in the ice. Summer got up and made us corned beef hash for breakfast. Eaddie was eventually dropped back off at home, so the girls sat in the living room cross stitching all day.

Dad went out sledding, so Muad’Dib and I walked his direction and encountered him walking toward us. He went down a couple good hills, and Muad’Dib had a good run. We encountered a flock of children out doing the same, and before long I had to get back to work.

Summer eventually started on some tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and then Eaddie wanted to watch something that wasn’t funny or serious, so I put on the crab rave video. I think that pretty much nailed the assignment, but then we watched Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. Eaddie and I found it to be pretty funny, but Summer went through the whole movie with a contorted face.

After that, Eaddie baked some brownies and we all went to bed.

Mania

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Apart

I left work when I saw Summer was home early. We got back to town just as she and Eaddie were leaving the house, but they pulled over at Kroger so I could talk to them.

I ended up at Ridgewood to see if Grant was there. I knew he was safe. I called, and he wasn’t there, but he came in from home and just hugged me. We came back to the house and talked for a long time. I realized I forgot my eyeglasses there, so he called someone to have them put them in the office for me.

The girls got home and I talked to Summer briefly. Grant left to have his family time, and I went with Summer to her vein appointment. Then we went to Bona Dea to walk with Muad’dib. Then we went to the house to get a coupon to go to Colton’s for a late lunch.

Neither of us ate much of our food. We boxed up the rest and came back to the house where she bathed for a while and I moved things out of the kitchen. We eventually talked for a bit, but it was for nothing.

Now we unravel the knot with haste and move along.

Decades.

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Death Spiral

I got up reasonably early again today, expecting to do some more cleaning and furniture assembly, but boy was I wrong. I felt pretty ignored all day. The girls went to the gym together, so I finished the leftover turkey bean soup and took a bath. Summer barely approached me when they got back, and didn’t acknowledge my response when she asked what was wrong, so I knew something was up.

She warmed up some pasta, but I didn’t end up eating with them. Mom had said she was making phở at some point, so I had been holding out for that. Eaddie left and I finally pinned Summer down to figure out what was going on. She acknowledged the same death spiral I had been feeling for the past few years. We talked for a bit, but it was mostly emotionless by that point.

I took Muad’Dib for a brisk walk to my parents’ house where Dad and Nova were already halfway through their soup. Mom made mine and I ate, and then we walked back to the house. I felt like our conversation after that was a little less doom and gloom, but we still don’t have anything actionable.

The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.

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Horse Humpin, Wing Stoppin, Dog Shoppin Day

I made myself a fancy capuccino today before realizing the milk was curdled, so I threw that out and then had a cup of black instead. The girls got up and watched TV, and I cleaned up around the house. I cooked my turkey beans some more and added a block of frozen broth from before. That helped quite a bit, and though we didn’t actually plan to have a meal of it yet, Summer and I shared a small cup because it was tasty. Sometime in the afternoon, a deep squat exercise machine I scored on Vine showed up, and I put it together for Summer. She actually seemed pleased with it, so I put it together for her.

Later in the evening, she wanted to go to Walmart. Eaddie had left, so we took Muad’Dib along for the ride. We went by the wash first so she could print something. Then we went to the newly opened Wingstop to check things out. They were barely more than a food truck in a sliver of a storefront next to McAlister’s. Completely cashless, and basically just pumping out mobile orders. We ate there, and it was pretty good, but very salty. I still think Zaxby’s is the best in town.

Muad’Dib had been in the car for a little while by then, so we took him to PetSmart to walk around and pick up some treats. Then we went to Walmart so Summer could get some cross stitch thread. Finally we got back to the house and I took Muad’Dib out for a run.

My parents had gone to Fort Smith, but were on the way back. I thought we’d circle around a bit and meet up with them, but my board died just as we made a loop, so I limped it home and boxed it up to ship back to Futuremotion for like the fourth time. I sat on the couch with Summer and flipped through some YouTube until she got up for bed. Eaddie came home late, and they chatted for a little bit as I got ready for bed myself.

Not half bad.

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Muck Pot

Summer wanted Mulan’s all night, so she woke up wanting to be the first ones in line when they opened. I woke up feeling pretty terrible, so I did not make that timeline. She ended up going to the gym, and I finally felt well enough to go in the afternoon.

Eaddie stayed home with Muad’Dib since she had a friend coming over to get one of her keyboards. We made it to Mulan’s and they were quite busy, especially considering it was a late lunch. The food all looked horribly dry and gross though. Everything was overcooked and oversauced. Anything that wasn’t sauced was dry and chewy. For a while now, I’ve gotten less and less impressed by their food, to the point that I really only like their soup and desserts now.

By the end of it, we both felt a little off from the food. We headed back to the house, stopping first to get the carpet cleaner from my parents’ house. Eli had come over to watch more Breaking Bad, and Summer sat out there with them. I just spent the day alone and bored until I realized how late it had gotten and took Muad’Dib for a run.

We saw my parents again, then continued back to the house in the dark. I got Eaddie’s other keyboard stand assembled and set up in her room for the Casio CT-6000 she rescued from rotting in her grandparents’ house. Otherwise it was more bored alone time until bed.

August we’ll see.

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Pro Duck

Sleep was really touch-and-go last night, and of course as morning drew near, sleep felt heavier with more frequent dreams. Muad’Dib beat me out of the gate and we had a fairly gentle ride in to work where I actually stayed pretty productive all day, though in the end I still felt like I gained more projects than I finished.

We had a cheap lunch, splitting between some cheese sticks at Sonic and a sandwich from Arby’s. We ate the cheese sticks in the car while we waited for the Arby’s, and then ate the sandwich back at the office before calling Gary back to troubleshoot a display issue he was having.

The afternoon ended up speeding by, especially the closer we got to quitting time, and we walked out a little bit late. I had a couple of dueling super duty super douches on the Interstate, so we exited early and went to PetSmart to avoid any more road rage. Muad’Dib did great, and I ended up getting him a floppy rubber frisbee like Cutie always has.

Summer surprised me with shrimp and veggies over rice for dinner, and it was just the two of us, so we ate in front of the TV and watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 before retiring for the night. Eaddie had plans to take Muad’Dib hiking th enext day, so I set up his Fi Mini tracking collar and got everything ready for her. I was a little nervous about it, but the tracker helped.

Wild that it’s more expensive than Fitbit Premium, but I guess there’s a cellular aspect.