Tag: anxiety

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No, that’s just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that.

I woke up expectedly tired this morning after a bit of sleep. I accidentally dozed off for a few minutes after the alarm went off, but made it home in time to get to work. I went to the high school first thing, and spent all morning working in the office with Mike. I shuffled some computers around on the desk to get them out of his way, but still need to move them to some final resting place.

Summer got her Invisalign this morning and wanted to meet up for lunch, so we went to Stoby’s. Then it was back to the shop to help Mike set up some brand new iPads. I eventually made my way back to the high school and ended the day crimping more patch cables for Ethan’s lab.

By the time I got home, I wasn’t feeling super smurfy, so I stayed in the rest of the night. I’ve been getting those anxious or panicky feelings more frequently lately, and have been wondering if maybe it’s actually an anemia thing that just makes me feel like all my blood is draining. Eventually I’ll have to see the doctor, but for the time being I’ve decided to play with my blood pressure medication dosing.

All through my life I’ve had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was.

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Mooving Day

Mike was out today, but I still spent all morning at the high school, trying to get some software to work. I picked Summer up for lunch at Western Sizzlin, then ran home to bring in a FedEx delivery. It was my McDonald’s chkndrop, which consisted of an overbuilt, square-shaped shoebox type container, a seven inch vinyl record, a gold colored metal gift card, and a hoodie.

I spent most of the afternoon at the shop, and claimed a new office space next to Ben. I really wanted his old office, but evidently it still floods, so I took the office next to him instead. The desks weren’t ideal for me, but I’ll make it work.

When I got home, Dad was already there with a guy to check out my bathrooms for a remodel. He seemed the most gruff of the three guys we’ve had out, so at that rate, I’d be afraid to see what scruffy kind of fellow he’d find next. His ballpark figure came in quite a bit lower than the first guys, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about that yet.

The night went by slowly at first, and then sped by as it came time to wind down for bed. Hopefully I wake up more rested tomorrow.

I should have moved into the Murder Basement.

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Are You Packing?

I woke up this morning and got right to work digging things out to pack for the trip. It took me all day, but I finally did it. Almost.

Summer brought the girls over after school to see if they wanted to borrow any backpacks for the trip. Once I was comfortable with leaving, I headed up the hill to help them pack everything into as few checked bags as possible. We managed to get everybody into carry-on bags, personal items, and one giant checked suitcase. Then I had to pick Noah up from his house because his father wanted his truck to stay at their house.

I realized at some point in the evening that I had forgotten my watch charger, so I ran home to get that on my way to get Noah. Then we got back to the girls and got everyone to bed as quickly as possible. It’s high anxiety for basically everyone but the kids because they’re just used to being carefree and relying on us to pick up any slack. Hopefully nobody forgot anything.

So we’re going full-kitchen-sink, eh?

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B-

I got up this morning and cleaned up some old frozen French toast sticks the kids refused to eat themselves. Then I tried going through some more practice tests before it was time to check in for my A+ exam. I didn’t really get as much cramming done as I had hoped, but the first test was more or less a breeze. I felt pretty confident about most of my answers and ended up passing with what I’m guessing was a mid 90%.

My second exam was scheduled a little later so I had time for a shower and a little more studying. Then literally moments before I had to check in for the test, Summer said she was bringing Autumn home to shower because she suddenly couldn’t withstand her scented body wash. I told her that they would have to be completely silent and not come anywhere near me, so one could imagine my rage when Autumn started blaring music in the shower.

I had already started my exam and couldn’t back out or do anything to signal to her to turn the music down. So for half an hour, or an entire third of my allotted exam time, I shook with absolute rage that I couldn’t even read the questions in front of me. The exam was a big deal that I had put off for four years. I specifically scheduled a time when no one would be home, and when that didn’t pan out, it was a simple request for silence. I thought I had absolutely, without any doubt, completely bombed the test. My stomach was in knots for the entire 90 minutes, and when I read that I had passed, I was absolutely astounded. Of course when I confronted Autumn, the only response I got through her door was that “it wasn’t that loud.” I was just glad it was over and that I had another hour pass since my hottest moments.

Hungry and relieved, I re-prepared some awful hamburger meat that Autumn cooked a week ago. It only needed an intelligent touch of seasoning to be great enough for Eaddie and me to eat for dinner, but the star chef just couldn’t crack the code and left it to rot in the fridge.

Summer took Autumn to therapy and I took Eaddie home with me so I could pick up my contacts for real. Then we watched an episode of House until it was time to get Autumn and drop them off at karate. I waited for them at my parents’ house, where I finished setting up their new Chromecast with Google TV. I didn’t have long before I had to get the girls, and we got home just in time to realize Eaddie had forgotten her phone at the dojo. Summer eventually got home, and everyone was pretty quick to wind down from there.

If you’re not going to be prideworthy, at least be respectful and considerate.

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Cram Session

I went to the high school this morning and helped Mike run around campus and close some work orders. Some of the stuff he knows is maddeningly inconsistent with the stuff that he does know, but I suppose that’s to be expected when specializing in a particular field. I’ve just never seen it with someone that’s into technology.

It was Ben’s birthday, so I met everyone back at the shop for lunch. He wanted Linh’s, but they were closed and we ended up at Fat Daddy’s downtown. They seemed slow but asked if we had a reservation for some reason. The food took a while to come out and was predictably dry, but maybe I’m just spoiled now. I should have gotten chicken or steak.

After lunch, I went to the junior high and tried to be useful for a little while. I didn’t get as much done as I would have liked, but my mind was on my A+ exam and all the anxiety I’ve had about taking that tomorrow.

Eaddie wanted to ride the bus to the high school, so I just picked both of the girls up from there after work. We went to my house so I could gather up some things, then met Summer at home for a quick dinner before everyone pretty quickly filtered off to bed. I stayed up trying to cram some more for my exams, but truthfully I was just too exhausted to retain much. There’s no practical reason for me to remember all of the unused acronyms or port numbers, so hopefully there’s just not much of that on the test.

Testing is dumb.

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Brain Dump

This morning started out pretty slow, but I eventually got to be pretty productive. I worked in the shop all morning, then went to Linh’s with Greg for lunch. Apparently we’re on the fence about an interviewee, so the tenured had a lunch date with him to see if we’d all mesh. Spoiler alert: We won’t. At least not at first. It is tried and true that everyone always hates on the new guy at first, no matter how seasoned.

I spent the afternoon at the junior high, fighting off a bit of anxiety and killing time until school let out by working on some laptops. When Eaddie got out, I took her to her flute lesson – twice because she forgot her flute in my office the first time. Then I picked up Autumn and took her to the shop for a few minutes until quitting time.

We retrieved Eaddie, then went to pick up my contacts from the eye clinic. They wanted to charge me $188 for two boxes after insurance. The first and only contacts I’ve ever purchased in my life were purchased from Contacts1st.com without any insurance for $148 for FOUR boxes, and that included $10 for shipping. Now I get to call “the girl that does the insurance” tomorrow for an explanation and/or correction.

I dropped the girls off with Summer at her shop since none of them cared to go to karate. Then I stopped by the house just momentarily before remembering I could get a free scarf from T-Mobile. I picked that up, then stopped by Zaxby’s for a quick bite before going home to binge on A+ practice exams. I felt pretty good about my test results, but then I read about something called “performance based questions” that got me scared.

At least it’s scheduled, and not a moment too soon.

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Watched Pot

Today was almost entirely a bust. I got up and ate some leftover pizza and milled around the house until the girls left for lunch with their father and Summer went to the gym. I should have left, but instead I burned time all day long waiting for everyone to get back so we could continue to do nothing.

I did at least cook the turkey carcass to make stock for soup later. We finished our game of Phase 10 from days ago. I had to stay up late to boil the soup down a bunch for easier storage. I also sold what little bit of bitcoin I had for $4.21, which was a profit of 3.21 times my investment. I can only dream of an alternate life where I made it rich off the stuff, but I’m happy with my three bucks.

If only buying bitcoin had been easier to do back in the day…

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Are You Shedding Me?

The three of us got up and went to Denny’s for breakfast as a treat. We had what was probably the best service we’d ever had there, but then ran into an awkwardly slow checkout experience. None of the other customers seemed very happy about it, but I don’t know why they were all so surly.

On the way home we rescued a box turtle. Summer didn’t feel well for most of the day, and spent most of it on the couch. I hung the hammocks in case Eaddie wanted to do some school work outside. Then I cleaned out the shed where some animals evidently got in and shredded a bunch of cardboard boxes I had in there. Once it was cleaned out enough, Summer helped me move the kayaks out of the garage, so I’m just a little bit closer to being able to park in there again.

We came back inside to cool down in front of the TV, and when dinner time rolled around, we all agreed on pizza. I had some Papa John’s reward money expiring soon, so I picked that up for dinner and we watched some Glee. Then Eaddie and I ran to Julie’s house because she made some beef stew for us to try. Mom and Dad were there, but we didn’t stay long since Summer was still home on the couch. We watched a bit more TV, and then for some reason everyone went to bed really early.

How do I love thee?

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Talk About Feeling

It was pretty brisk getting home this morning, but I did it. Work was really quiet, and I just spent most of the morning trying to catch myself back up mentally. I took a moment to do my wellness questionnaire, and made an appointment for my wellness visit the same day as Summer’s dentist appointment.

I took a late lunch and brought Summer a Baconator since I knew she could really use a lunch break after returning to work. Then I went by the shop for a little while, but Ben wasn’t there to chat. I went back to the high school to wrap up, and the afternoon went by really quickly.

The girls had karate, so I ran home to change and to take a peek at the Grom to see what kind of damage we were looking at. The handlebars seem a smidge off, and the headlight leans left a bit now. The right handlebar stop seems not to work, but I couldn’t tell why. Hopefully the damage isn’t too bad, but maybe I’ll feel more confident working on a tiny, cheap bike that isn’t also my main ride.

After getting the girls to karate, I went by my parents’ house for some fish soup. They had already eaten, so I just ate on my own. Dad had some comments for me that required some thought, so after eating and heading back home, I decided to go back up to Summer’s for the evening.

The girls were all winding down, but Summer brought them in to chat, and we kind of just made sure everyone was happy. Maybe there are assumed guidelines to the whole step-thing that I don’t adhere to, or maybe it’s a lack of anyone else seeing the interactions of my family in their own home. Maybe they’ve underestimated how long we’ve all been around each other in such close quarters. At the end of the day, the Captain’s got to go with his gut.

No complaints from the crew tonight.

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Bake and Fry and Grill, Oh My!

We got up this morning and had the last of the eggs. I’ve really enjoyed frying eggs. They’re so simple, and so delicious. Summer left for the gym while I got baked potatoes ready for dinner with my parents. For as little as I actually did, I was still just completely beat.

The cat refused to eat anything again, which has been wearing on me more than anything else. He tried to throw up his medicine today, but Summer said it just came out foamy. I don’t know what else to do.

I had to run to Walmart for some stuff for the twice-baked potatoes, then came home to load everything up and head to my parents’ house. The girls were back home, so they beat me there and were playing in the pool. I got there and started frying bacon for the potatoes. Everything came together reasonably well, but there were just so many people there with the girls, Julie, and Nova.

Afterward, I came straight home and tried to bring the cat in. He immediately went and had diarrhea in the tub, which really was the best possible scenario. He also dumped water all over the kitchen floor though, so I just kept running around after him, trying to clean up. He has me absolutely ragged. Every day, I wish they had just put him out of both of our misery.

The vet never asks about your quality of life.