Tag: anxiety

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High School; High Score

I went to the high school this morning to see what Dale was doing. They were just starting to pick up senior devices, classroom at a time. This all leads in to the busiest time for them, and I’ve somehow got to wrap my head around all the RMA processes while also learning a massive new campus. To make things even more difficult, I won’t properly be able to do my own part replacements until I get my A+ and Lenovo certifications. I can already tell I’m going to miss a lot of time that I have traditionally used to learn new things. I kind of hate it, but I’m still hopeful it won’t be that bad.

Teacher appreciation week is here, so Dale and I mooched off of their catered lunch from La Huerta. Then I left to go to the junior high for some work. They were serving hamburgers, so I grabbed one for later while Ben, Jason, and Allen were there. Then I went to work. On his way out, Ben said he basically gave his blessing to move the technology office into a closet, which really got me pretty angry. Evidently it was enough to earn myself a new high score of 200/112, so I went straight back to my room and kicked back for an hour. I tried calling my clinic, but the nurse line voicemail said they only check messages at the end of the day, and I wasn’t sure if I should treat it as more of an emergency. I gave it some time and checked my blood pressure again at a more normal high of 184/101.

Chrystal convinced me to call the clinic again, so I left the voicemail and went back to work. Eventually they did call me back, and told me to double my dosage to 10mg. It’s still not a lot, but the 5mg didn’t seem to phase me at all and I feel like I’m flush more often, or at least more consciously aware of every twinge and ache in my arm, chest, and brain helmet area. They want me to come back in a week instead of the two and a half weeks later for my 30-day checkup.

After school, Summer left for the gym while the girls went with me to my parents’ house. Eaddie came and sat next to me on the couch for the first time, and we both played on our phones until Summer got there. Mom made spring rolls with some pork that Dad smoked, and I filled up on leafy greens. I feel like the fish sauce may have nullified some of that, with a bedtime reading of 150/100. It’d be great if I could keep my diastolic out of the triple digits.

Maybe I’m just too intense.

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Taking Things Without Asking

Heather came to the junior high early this morning, and I tried to show her around a bit while we picked up some more computers that were going out for auction. Matt came along and said they were probably going to move technology out of my office and into a closet so James and his people could have the space, which got me really riled up. It was at that point that I decided it was okay to go gut a teacher’s classroom of student devices without asking.

I forgot my medication yesterday, but was back on it today. A big group of us met at Old South for a very slow lunch. I tried the taco salad with their Old South dressing, which seemed like it was all mayonnaise and garlic powder. The waitress even had a little spiel about how she couldn’t tell me all the ingredients because then it would be “everybody’s” dressing, and that it would ward off vampires, boyfriends, etc. It was a little surreal getting all of that considering how busy they were. The taco salad was good though, even with the weird mayo dressing. I felt like it was more taco than salad, but I’d never complain about it because then they would just give less meat.

After lunch, I had to go to Oakland to help with a National Board video conversion. Erica stopped me cold in my tracks and said Ben told them he was moving me to the high school. It was a bad day for everyone.

When school let out, I went back to the shop to chat with Ben until we went to Alene’s retirement shindig. They really do it up big for those at the top of the food chain. Dale gets his party in the library. I imagine mine will be in a bathroom somewhere, assuming I don’t die from it first.

When I got home, I started some laundry and then tried out Breath of the Wild in 3D. The pictures on the TV were way too diverged, and I think it gave me a pretty good, lingering headache. For a bit I thought it might even be the blood pressure, but I went by Oakland to check, and it wasn’t any worse than usual. I stopped by the shop to get the blood pressure cuff from Jason’s office so I could watch it over the weekend, then went to my parents’ to borrow the deep fryers for the car show. There, I found out that Alene was actually the travel agent for my parents’ honeymoon. If I hadn’t been born two years later, I might have been concerned that I owed the woman my life.

On the way home, I stopped by the shop again for some extension cords because I forgot them the first time. Then it was home for the evening to try and relax and sleep before the big day tomorrow.

Space Cadet.

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Roller Coaster! Of Blooooooood. (say what?)

The Catapult Health Clinic was at the middle school today, and I had my visit scheduled first thing in the morning. They seemed to be running a little slow, so it took me a few minutes to get in, but it wasn’t any worse than going to my doctor’s office. The difference is that they had me do all the paperwork right there with them while they sampled my blood. That’s about the time that shit got cray.

My first blood pressure reading was 188/122. I’ve never paid particular attention to those goals, so for me it was business as usual. The second reading was 170/111, which was more than 10 points off of the first reading, so I got a third at 186/127. That’s when a different nurse came over with an alarmed look on his face. He called the first girl back over and asked what they should do, and she replied that the video chat nurse would probably just talk to me about it. After a brief wait to go behind the video chat curtain, a nurse practitioner video chatted with me and brought up a warning/disclaimer to call my doctor immediately.

I went to Oakland to do some work and told the girls about my experience, so Leslie took my blood pressure again at 183/114. Nearly an hour later, I had relaxed it down to 174/114. I was less concerned, but already coerced into calling my doctor. I could have gone in right at lunch time, but I was already hangry at that point, so I scheduled a visit for 2 in the afternoon and went with a big group to lunch at Western Sizzlin where I had an incredibly unhealthy salad. It could have been better.

After lunch, the doctor visit went relatively well. They had renovated most of the building, and pretty well removed my old doctor’s name and replaced pretty much every comfort of familiarity. I hated watching the reel of healthcare advertisements in the lobby. At least everything else looked cleaner and less dingy than before. The first nurse got my blood pressure at 160/90 in both arms and said it wasn’t that bad, and blamed the high numbers on the auto-cuffs we had used all morning. A short wait later, the ARNP came in and basically said the same, but then followed that she was prescribing some low dosage blood pressure medication. I’ve officially made it to the stage in life where I’m kept artificially alive. Also, I have ringworm.

I went straight back to the junior high after my visit was over, and had Chrystal take my blood pressure again. She had a manual cuff like the doctor’s office, and came up with 182/110, which served only to confuse me more. Convinced that Death was following me around, I continued on with the rest of my day. Summer left to go to the gym, and I took the girls to Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions before going to my parents’ house for dinner.

My parents seemed not to be too concerned with me getting medication, and leftovers were good. All I had left to do was research my new drugs.

Until I got home.

Bulk item pickup day apparently didn’t include tires or televisions, so both were left in my front lawn. The CRT TV chassis appeared to be split open, so of course it fell completely apart as soon as I touched it. The glass immediately shattered, half on the grass and half on my driveway. I would have preferred to sweep it off of only the driveway, but that would have left me feeling less defeated. My new, concerned neighbor laughed at my response that I was okay, but contemplating life.

We’ll try again tomorrow.

Blood pressure’s like a roller coaster baby, baby. I’m gonna die.

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I Could Chair Less

I haven’t been able to sleep in much this weekend for some reason. I don’t know if it’s just too bright outside or if it’s because of the head cold, but it’s been tiring and annoying feeling so drained. Summer headed home to get her chores done while I spent all morning preparing potatoes to bake in the afternoon.

The girls came home all gross, cranky, and uncooperative because they were tired and apparently good personal hygiene is out of fashion. The twice baked potatoes ended up taking me quite a bit longer to make than I expected too, but I still had them finished right as the girls walked in the door. We made it to my parent’s house about an hour late, so everyone had already started eating without us. The girls weren’t very hungry anyway since they ate with their dad, but Summer and I filled up.

Julie made keto food and said she made cauliflower rice. It was cauliflower, and I don’t get why these people have to call it by the wrong name. I guess if I eliminated a food group, I’d be a little crazy too. As they were leaving, Mr. Houston said he moved in next door, so that will be new I guess. Nobody stuck around for very long after dinner, and we weren’t an exception. Summer and I had to get back to move some furniture out of my house.

Bulk item pickup comes twice a year, and I refused to miss it this time around. I set calendar reminders for both Summer and myself, and we planned to move at least one couch out of the house. We ended up moving three. I no longer have a huge amount of seating, but it seems like nobody comes around these days anyway. It was nice to get rid of so much stuff all at once. Random scrappers came by and picked up two lawn mowers as quickly as I put them out. The rest I suppose will sit until morning. I’ll probably continue to feel guilty about trashing old shoes and boots for the rest of my life, but it made Summer feel better. I really should have cleaned them up and donated them, but it hadn’t happened in this many years, so I guess it was just as well for them to be thrown away.

Cleaning the cat box has become a total nightmare, and I had to do a load of laundry before bed. I guess change will feel better eventually, but right now it’s hard not to feel a little jarred.

Sofa, so good.

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Baader Meinhof Adapter

I was so incredibly tired this morning that work got me into a bit of a cold sweat. I jumped right into things, trying to track down a buzzing sound in the Oakland A/V setup. Jamming to some sweet classics, the lunch ladies came out dancing. I’m told there’s a video of me being unwillingly pulled into that somewhere. The preschool kids got a kick out of Baby Shark during breakfast. Fortunately I was able to fix the buzz with a ground loop isolator. Coincidentally, I ended up needing another one in a different classroom as well, but it didn’t seem to help as much there.

There was a call for Chick-fil-A, but I lead a larger group of people to the far superior Zaxby’s instead. Poor Zach had his order cancelled on the back end and ended up waiting forever to get his salad. Everyone gave me their toast. I ran out of time before food.

The afternoon was slow and I felt pretty crummy. I did replace a Chromebook screen after Ronda and I interrupted Jessica’s class by popping bubble wrap. I stayed late to take Autumn home after color guard practice, and we stopped by Little Caesar’s to get dinner on the way home. I appreciate when companies go out of their way to support and employ people with disabilities, but I wish they’d keep the blind guy away from the cut station.

After dinner, we finished I Am Legend, then finally watched a couple episodes of Parks and Rec Tommy’s Place. From there, I headed home for the evening, but spent most of it steam cleaning carpet stains. Split’s been throwing up a bunch lately, and I’m just sick of it. He’s about to go on a strict diet. I probably should too.

Summer’s resignation was posted in an email out to everyone today, so I guess it won’t be much longer before my changes are made known.

It’s going to be an interesting summer.

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Custom Cocktail Cures

After doubling up on Benadryl last night, my head seemed a bit more clear when I woke up. I’m hoping I’ve found a combination of medicine that I can take to quickly rid myself of the congestion that normally plagues me for months at a time.

When I got to work, Zach gave me an ice chest full of frozen food he wanted to clear out of his freezer. There was something about a church food bank that always has leftover frozen goods that nobody ever wants to take because it requires more effort to keep. There was a surprising mix of better frozen meals, junk food, and microwavable breakfast sandwiches. I managed to fit it all into my freezer, and it’ll be nice to have something easy to warm up on weekends when the kids are over.

I didn’t get a whole lot done today because I still wasn’t feeling great. I spent a few hours fighting with the intercom system at Oakland, picked up some soup for lunch by myself in my office, and then spent the rest of the afternoon there just picking at things to clean up. The day went by pretty quickly though, and it didn’t seem like too long before it was quitting time.

Summer talked to Matt, and made it official that she’ll be taking the job at the shop. I guess I knew she was leaning that way, but she never really talked to me any more about it. I was hugely disappointed that she didn’t at least try to negotiate a better starting rate. Every time I bring it up, it’s like a deer in headlights and I don’t know what else I can do to help without just pushing her away. This stuff is really important to me, and I feel like it should be important to her too. I completely understand being shy or lacking confidence to have that conversation, but at the end of the day, money not earned is money lost, and that directly impacts the family. At some point, something’s gotta snap into gear where you just get shit done. The weirdest thing is that she’s very much that way in many other aspects of her life, so I don’t understand why this should have been any different. This should have been an easy win.

I volunteered to wait for Autumn and then take the girls to pick up Noah before heading home. The kids all sat around playing their various electronics while I started a load of laundry and confirmed that my kitchen aquarium water was toxic. From that point, I knew I had to jump right into a water change tonight.

We loaded up and headed to Summer’s where the house was filled with the aroma of simmered, shredded chicken breasts. I’d always read about shredded chicken out of a crock pot, but I’ve never actually tried it. The chicken came out way mushier than I expected, but I didn’t know all the variables to correct it for next time. It tasted good though, and made plenty for leftover nachos tomorrow after the barbecue sandwiches today. She scored a key lime pie for dessert, and then I had to head back home to tend to my own chores.

The bettas and snails all seemed to look a little better after a massive water change, but I’ll have to keep doing more relatively soon to make sure the chemistry balances out. I also need to go get some potting soil and sandblasting media to properly plant and cycle another tank or two in order to move things around to where I want them. It’s a shame we’re only given so much time for all the different things we enjoy.

Guaifenesin Diphenhydramine Phenylephrine

 

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I Have Reservations About This

It was more bike weather today. I started off at the shop and got to spend some time in a room with Gary, and I felt smarter for it. I hope I’ll have some time to hang out with him over summer projects, because there’s still so much I want to learn. The trick is to be around for his projects and not the busy work that I normally get assigned to because I’m actually willing to work.

When I finally left the shop, I spent some time at Oakland taking care of a few things before heading back to go to Chick-fil-A for lunch. It tasted better than average, but it was still expensive. I’ll take a deal at Wendy’s over full price at Chick-fil-A every day of the week.

I spent the afternoon at the junior high trying to clean up a bit, but I didn’t get a whole lot accomplished. I did get to flex my math skills a bit by using known component measurements to find the unknown angle of a TV that Jessica wanted to mount outside the library. After that, I got to use Google Assistant with Duplex to make a dinner reservation at Pasta Grill for Mom’s birthday. The assistant asked everything from how many people were coming, to what name and contact number she should give the restaurant. Ronda said it seemed like it would have been faster just to call myself, but she missed the whole point of not having to talk to people myself. A robot did all the work for me. The only thing it lacked was a transcript or recording of the call. I would have loved to hear the transaction. About 15 minutes later, I got the notification and an email that my reservation was confirmed!

I finished up at the shop, enrolling the Chromebits Jessica got for her TVs. Then I ran home to clean up for dinner. Summer and the kids beat me there since I stopped for gas, and then we headed to Pasta Grill.

Julie beat us there and confirmed that the reservation was made. I couldn’t find anyone that knew anything about the call, so I guess I’ll have to try again when Erica is working. I’m glad it worked, but I want to experience the other end of it so badly. I’m such a nerd.

After dinner, I came home and started some laundry while I messed with the fish a bit. I don’t want to move Blue since she’s built a bubble nest and is actually floating her eggs, but I did get some snails moved to the kitchen. I want to clean up the 55-gallon, but I’ve got too many other things I need to do this weekend. I’ve felt exhausted for a few weeks now though, and summer is only going to make it worse with the heat. I just have anxiety about feeling behind all the time now.

Too many things!

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Evasive Tax Form

The weather was supposed to be nice again today, but it was still super cold on the bike in the morning. I went back and forth between Oakland and the shop a few times trying to fix some issues before testing season arrives. It was still a mostly mellow morning though. I did run into Michael, who asked about borrowing my home theater speakers for a Dancing Through the Decades dance in a couple weeks. I just didn’t feel comfortable loading them up and bringing them out for use in public though.

I met Zach and Allen at Morellos for lunch, where I vowed to eat too many chips. I had been hungry all morning, and I absolutely loaded myself with fajitas and chips. Allen left us super early as usual, and Zach and I both still got to the shop separately, and well before our lunch hour was over. I really don’t know what his anxiety is about.

I tried to get some tablets reset at the junior high before school let out, but I didn’t get them all done before Jason wanted Brice and me to help Amanda mount a touch panel. At first I thought we were all four going to be there, but evidently he helped Amanda deliver the touch panel, and we were to swap it with a previously mounted television and then bring that back to the shop. I got pretty annoyed at Brice, because Jason emailed us early in the morning with a scheduled time of 3:00, so I left my tablets unfinished to meet at the shop. Brice took an extra 30 minutes to get there, and then we still had to drive to the middle school. On top of that, Gary seemed to be bored at the shop, and Ben was going to be at the middle school to continue his walkthrough. It just felt like everyone was either already there or available to help, and I was annoyed that I couldn’t get my work done. It didn’t help that I was mad at myself for forgetting to complete a work order yesterday, but I really didn’t get any heads-up for that one anyway.

After work, I came home to gather some things before going to Lowe’s to hunt down some light bulbs. I didn’t even see a compatible LED like I’ve been getting from Walmart, but they had one single-pack incandescent for a little more than the LEDs cost. Hopefully it won’t burn out after just a couple days though. I wish I knew what the problem was. I went ahead and picked up a new fluorescent bulb for the 35 gallon bow-front tank as well since it’s been out for years. There were only a couple cashiers, and after waiting in line for quite a while, my guy couldn’t scan a gift card correctly and I ended up getting out of line to check the balance. Once I confirmed what I knew, I got back into the next shortest line and checked out without incident.

I finally made it up to Summer’s for just a spot of dinner and to visit. They had already eaten since I was still a bit full from lunch anyway. Summer and I went to the other room to talk about her offer from the shop, and I tried to help her calculate the value of her time. It really could go either way, depending on her negotiation. The best part is just that she has multiple options for now and in the future, so I tend not to fret too much over her choice. I spent a bit of time trying to buy tickets for Shazam, but had to give up after I met a hidden order limit that required a call to guest services to explain.

Eventually I headed back home for the evening and tried to take care of the aquariums a bit. Once that was done, I spent the rest of the night cleaning with the purpose of finding my W-2. I just couldn’t find it anywhere, and I started to get really aggravated. I felt good about getting so much stuff cleaned up and thrown out, but I was going crazy not remembering where I had put it. Eventually I found it in the living room, but didn’t have enough time to actually file my taxes. I guess there’s still tomorrow.

At least I got my watch shipped off.

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Compounded Interests

I didn’t sleep great last night because I kept waking up to pee, and I assume it was due to how much I ate, and possibly how much salt was in it. Grey was also laying right in the center of the bed, so I just snuggled up next to her as gently as I could. She really didn’t move all night, and only sat up a couple times when I got up.

Rachel never got back to me with a time to chat about esports, and I didn’t want to pester her about it since I figured she was busier than I was. I just kind of tried to stay loosely available in case she ever did say anything. Zach, Sara, Heather, and I went to Morelos for lunch where I broke from my traditional lunch fajitas for some nachos. My food came out really fast, but the service was otherwise abnormally slow. I don’t recall ever getting a refill on my water, and our salsa ran out much too early. It was still good though, and we made it back with plenty of time to spare.

I spent much of the afternoon trying to convince everyone else that we should create a Director of Esports position for me, since directors don’t necessarily require a teaching certification. I keep getting more and more of a feeling that this won’t turn out in my favor as much as I’m hopeful for it to, but really only time will tell. In the meantime, I suppose it’s up to me to expand this to the high school as quickly as possible. I did get some news back from HSTI regarding my proposed presentation. I’m a bit hyped up about it in spite of Ben’s response that they almost always have lots of extra room and that he would have been really surprised if they didn’t accept me. If nothing else, it’s just more experience to gain and a story to tell.

When I got home, I got Grey to eat a handful of treats and some gravy again, but she was noticeably weaker. I’ll have to call the vet tomorrow to see if they’ll even be open during spring break, or if I’ll have to try and squeeze her in tomorrow to avoid any more distress.

Feeling exhausted and spread a bit thin, I managed to do a couple quick water changes before running to Walmart for potluck ingredients. I ran into Amanda there, and we chatted for just a bit and made lunch plans for next week. Then I came home and prepared the kitchen well enough to cook some broccoli, rice, and cheese in the morning. Hopefully waking up and jumping right into the action will get me moving enough that I won’t feel too exhausted.

If I keep saying it, eventually it must become true!

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The Interview of a Lifetime

I woke up this morning congested with all kinds of crud, but felt just barely well enough to get home and showered before work. I went to the shop to call Rachel so she could coach me for my interview with Travis at The Courier. We joke about it a lot at work, but it was kind of funny to hear someone actually tell me in an official capacity that my role was to promote the district and myself as the esports coach. Obviously we’re selling something here, but some of our guys give it such negative light because it seems like it’s the same few people parading about as though they have some idea what’s going on, and those are the ones that always seem to get paid the most while the hard-at-work get whatever pickings are left.

I had only just made it to the junior high when Ben said we could meet up with Johnny. I did a quick work order, and then went to meet them. As if it was to be a day of only poor timing, I no sooner shook Johnny’s hand than Ben asked me to drive across campus to pick him up. We eventually got settled in, and Johnny had a lot more to say and lead the conversation than I expected. I actually didn’t even really break out the list of questions I had been curating, particularly after he got to the point where he said classified staff likely wouldn’t be payable in a coaching role. There are loopholes that we may be able to jump through, and different things that may be possible to offset my time out, but it seems like things are going to have to change quite a bit before what actually happens aligns with that which is right.

We wrapped that meeting up with just barely enough time for me to make my way to The Courier, where I met up with Travis, who I hadn’t seen in a decade. He was relatively cold, direct, and straight to the point, but relatively professional given our history. I still don’t quite know his angle on the story after trying to answer the questions he had for me, but I’ll have to trust that he’ll continue the “good relationship” Rachel spoke to me about earlier in the day. When it was all said and done, Joshua took my headshot and walked me out.

From there, I went to a late lunch. Solo, melancholy, free grand slam at Denny’s, as years and years past. I think it was good after a bit of a nerve racking few days. Nobody else from the team even mentioned lunch.

The afternoon flew by pretty quickly, and I found myself rushing to get back to the junior high for esports practice. Kids poured in like never before, and I ended up with one more student than computers. I’m not sure where they went, but at some point it evened out. I don’t know if maybe someone’s parents showed up, or what. I’m not even sure how responsible I am for that at this very volunteer point in time. Gary stopped by for a while and was impressed. Then Joshua showed up to take some pictures. Our conversation went much better than the first time. I think Gary helped, as he is wont to do. The highlight of the entire day was talking to a father of a student, and hearing him say, “no son of mine is going to be a filthy casual!”

Validation to my ears!

That wrapped up my work day, so I went home to do what little housekeeping I could muster, then ran the birthday freebie gauntlet all the way to Summer’s. Three free sandwiches with the purchase of two drinks. Not too shabby.

Esports! Will It Turn Your Teenager into a Mass Murderer? Click here to read more!