Tag: anxiety

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All Eggs; No Basket

I woke up to a rejection email this morning, which stressed me out a bit. He did at least have some kind words for me, so maybe something will work out in the future. After that, I had a bit of a slow start. I wanted to do something productive, so I cleaned the kitchen and then started looking for more jobs. I got a response from an application I submitted yesterday, but that job would require a commute to Maumelle every day.

I eventually made it home to shower and apply for a few more jobs. Then I headed back up to Summer’s once she was on the way home. Joe called while I was driving, and asked me to support Donna in her bid for school board. Maybe I have Jason all wrong, but he’s always been nice to me as a total stranger. I appreciated Joe’s call, but I still find it odd to have people ringing my doorbell or calling my unpublished phone number.

Summer ended up going to the gym, so I got the ham and some rolls out for a snack-like dinner. It looked like the girls went out to eat right after school, so I didn’t concern myself with them. Eaddie came out of her room and we finished Breaking Bad, but then Summer came home talking loudly on speakerphone. We tried shutting her in the bedroom, but then she came back out and sat in front of the TV with us. That was even more annoying, because she hasn’t been interested in watching it with us, but she kept asking questions about what was happening. In the finale.

Everyone was off to bed by the time we finished. Eaddie tried having me fill out a form for her National History Day trip, but we decided to wait until after our meeting the very next day.

Strip the Personality

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The Honest Ones

I got up fairly early this morning and headed home to mow my lawn. Summer had me drop a couple things off for her at the wash, and I traded vehicles with her so I could load up a ladder for our second home tour. It was nice and cool outside, so mowing wasn’t bad at all. I still felt some chest pain as I got going, but it got better over time. I got the front yard and most of the back done with just one battery, and I’ll need to burn some fallen branches and other scrap wood to clean up the rest. When I finished, Bác Vân called me over to get a couple slices of pizza she brought home from the casino. Then I took a shower so I could get some lunch for Summer.

She wanted “a good burger” but wasn’t willing to leave the wash, so she got a “Whopper” instead. After we ate, Brendon wanted a ride in the Model Y, so I took him around the block before eventually heading home. Eaddie was supposed to go with us to look at the house, but decided she would rather watch a band recital instead. Once Summer left work, I headed up to her house to pick her up, where she called Eaddie to convince her to come with us instead.

Summer drove us across town using the least efficient route to get Eaddie, and then finally started following the navigation system to get us to the house. Dad beat us there, and we beat Alisha, so we took our time staring at a neighbor’s dog that was running around the driveway. David was actually outside on the front porch, so we chatted with him a bit when we found him. Then Dad and I climbed up a ladder in the detached garage to try and figure out what it would take to put the garage door back together. They didn’t appear to have the parts, and the rails were removed far enough to encapsulate the door behind drywall.

The girls finished touring the rest of the house while we were messing around in the garage, but then I wanted to walk through once more to measure some spaces. Eaddie really seemed to like the place, and it smelled way better than it did the other day. They had incense burning in practically every room, and several of the windows were cracked open. As we finished up our second tour, I took David for a ride in the Model Y, which he really enjoyed. I guess all that’s left is to talk to a bank or five.

We dropped the ladder back off at my house, and then headed toward home. I convinced the girls to go to CiCi’s for dinner, but as we walked in the door, I got a call from the last lawyer I contacted. He was at least honest enough to give me the news I didn’t want to hear. By his estimation, the risk versus reward just wasn’t good enough, and he suggested if I had 10 grand to burn, I should take it to a roulette table in Tunica and bet on even. Though frustrated, stressed, and anxious, I was appreciative of an opinion that didn’t immediately turn into a sales pitch. I don’t know what’s next, but I know I’m not quite ready to give up.

After that lengthy phone call, we went inside to eat. It was overall a substandard experience, because we learned they were completely out of forks, but only after we had made big salads. They never once came out with a barbecue pizza, but at least they had some fresh spinach at one point. Most everything had been sitting for at least a little while, so it just wasn’t great.

Autumn was home when we got back, and had made herself a sandwich after doing who-knows what kind of grocery shopping. Summer went straight to bed, Eaddie disappeared into her room right away, and Autumn went to her room as soon as she finished eating. I spent the rest of the night poring over first-time home buyer tips, and trying to make sure we weren’t about to go completely broke. I’d really love a job offer right about now.

No Bull! Know WTF is happening!

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Restless Exhaustion

Autumn woke me up with a start this morning and asked me to take Eaddie to school because they slept in and were running late. I would have declined if I had known she just wanted to leave five minutes earlier so she could still make the McDonald’s drive-through before going to school. We ended up arriving right after her, and I was angry. I was sleeping so heavily when she got me up, and I didn’t feel like I could go back to sleep once I got home.

I laid around for a bit until I started to feel really hungry, and I got out to pick up a McGriddle myself. I noticed Kevin’s truck outside AT&T on the way, so I drove around and ate my breakfast in the parking lot and then went in to find him. He was busy for a bit, so I talked with the other Kevin for a bit, which gave me a chance to catch up a bit with both of them. Hope eventually found her way out and saw me too. When I told Kevin I was looking for work, he turned me on to a friend of his that was looking for someone, but the job wouldn’t pay quite as much as what I was making. He figured some income was better than no income though.

After a little while they were still dead, so Kevin wanted to drive the Model 3 again. We drove out toward Pottsville, and then up Old Cove Road to return the back way. By the time we got back, they were pretty busy and I decided to head on home.

I fired off another message, this time to Mark’s winning counsel. Hopefully I hear back from literally anyone, but it seems like nobody’s hurting for work enough to talk to me so far. I feel confident enough in my own case, but would still prefer someone with a little more skin in the game.

When lunch time rolled around, I went back out and picked up a burger and some cheese sticks from Sonic for two bucks. I was annoyed when I made it home and realized there was no marinara, but I made it work. The burger was too saucy anyway, so I guess that made up for it.

It had been cool all morning, so I decided I really wanted Summer to come over and sit quietly by a fire with me for a while. The stress of not working or having any real schedule was still getting to me, and I just wanted some quiet time to relax with her. I started a fire and then took a shower, but then I had to get Eaddie from school since Autumn was running around getting her nails done for prom.

Summer had arrived home from work just as we got home, so I got her charging and then we went right out to the fire. Eaddie left on her bicycle and we never saw her again. Summer brought some smoked sausages to cook, and even Bác Vân decided she’d eat one. Autumn came over to eat before eventually leaving to pick up Eaddie and take her home. Summer and I wound down by the fire, and got everything put away after it got dark. We saw a couple little toads hopping around, but the bugs started to come out as well. Once we got inside, it was pretty quick to sleep for her. I was still exhausted as well, so I didn’t dawdle.

Just apply more.

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Straight Fire

I had to stop by the wash to give Summer her lunch that she forgot at home, and then I continued home to finish prepping for my hearing. I had pretty much all of my information where I wanted it, but I still wanted to get copies of some things to hand out to the board members. After taking a shower and starting some laundry, I went to Staples for copies of a couple pages. I didn’t realize how much the copies were going to be though, and spent over six bucks for 20 pages.

Afterward I went by the wash and printed the rest of what I needed, and then I read my argument to Summer, Justin, and Cameron before I left. I spent the last few minutes I had re-assembling my handouts and dressing up before Summer came by to pick me up. We made it to the high school a little later than I wanted, but it didn’t really matter anyway.

My dad beat us there. Kevin was inside, I suppose as “the muscle” in case things went really sideways. I was happy to see him. Thomas was manning the recording station. I remembered seeing Andrea, Chrissy, Samantha, and of course Ginni. Six of the seven board members were there, but Jason was absent. Ben showed up right before we started, and I think Jeff showed up a little after we started. Judy had to sit with Marshall, and by five o’clock we were off to the races.

The hearing more or less went how I expected. Marshall had binders for everyone with the supporting documents, which were just the statements given by those that were there when I bumped into Zach, as well as one from Thomas after our conversations. I was really surprised how much some of the statements differed, but I was most bitter about Thomas’s. I chose to assume it was misremembering, rather than outright lying. Given that he has a Pixel with an excellent audio recorder, I don’t know why he wouldn’t have recorded the conversation to get my quotes correct.

The biggest letdown was the fact that Marshall objected to me giving any background of my employment. I think I made my case to the board reasonably well, and I received sad smiles from a couple of them. They went into executive session for about 45 minutes, so I almost got my hopes up while we waited. Things were relatively light outside the boardroom doors, and I chatted with several people there.

When they let us back into the boardroom, they got right to the vote, and only Don voted against my termination. The feeling of the room read very much that there were others present that didn’t feel comfortable with the situation, but played the political game of backing the superintendent they had just hired for the next three years. Onward to Plan B.

I tried to get Kevin to join us for dinner, but it was just Ben with Summer and me. He chose Linh’s and we chatted over noodles. My phone had been blowing up, but I tried not to pay too much attention to it. I did jokingly ask Judy if I would get to fill out an exit survey. Brody confirmed he was trying to open a position for me, so I’ll have that option. Ben insisted on paying, even though I had originally offered to buy his if he actually showed up. I don’t even know why I was surprised that he said he would, because he’s one of the most supportive friends I’ve ever had. I did have to joke that it took me getting fired to bring him back to town though.

After dinner, we dropped him back off at his truck at the high school. Then I went home to clean up before catching up with Summer at her house. Shortly after I got there, I remembered I had a pickup order for some chicken strips at Walgreens, so I took the Model Y across town to get those. Summer was feeling mixed emotions about the day, but I felt nothing but relief for the moment. At least now I know what path to take next.

Six to four isn’t a bad ratio. At least I’m not a quitter!

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The Old Man and the Pleas

I got up this morning and forced myself into the day. With my school board hearing approaching at a dreadnought’s pace, I had to formalize my thoughts into something I could actually present. I had some coffee and finalized some plans for our weekend trip first, since that happens first. Just as I was nearing time to head home, Allen texted and invited me out to lunch.

I met him at New China, and we spent the hour catching up. He said he lost his aunt that raised him, but he was more interested in what I’d been up to lately. I filled him in on the craziness, and he wished me well. I somehow managed to make it out of there without a bellyache, and he insisted on paying for my meal. I gave him a quick ride around town in the Model 3, and then I headed toward home.

John, the electrician, hit me up for some money again. I tried to withdraw it from an ATM, but I guess the amount was too high. It didn’t tell me why, but it declined the transaction and spat out my card. I headed home instead, to clean up for the day. Then I went to a location with humans to get his cash. He eventually showed up to my house, and I clarified what I wanted done. He seemed insistent on doing something completely different, but hopefully I got my message across about what I’d really like done. I’ll probably have to clean out the corner and precut some holes to make absolutely certain, but I gave him a little over half the cost of the job, and he was on his way.

I spent the rest of the afternoon recompiling what I wanted to present to the school board. It didn’t look as pretty as I had hoped, but maybe most of the text should be saved for myself anyway. I can always have a couple copies of that on hand, while giving out mass copies of my supporting documents for closer inspection. I’ll have several hours of uninterrupted time with Summer in the car tomorrow, so that will be my chance to really fine-tune everything.

It started to storm after nightfall, so I rushed to pack and then visited Dad before heading up to Summer’s for the evening. It got late fast, and I tried to pack too much into my evening. In the end, I made it to bed by midnight after a nightcap to calm the nerves. I’ll set an alarm for the first time in a month, and it’ll be one foot in front of the other for the foreseeable future.

Boldly going forward ’cause we can’t find reverse.

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We Have a Date

Eaddie woke me up from a pretty deep slumber this morning, and I hopped right up to get her to school just in time. Summer was at work, and Autumn left super early because of an Ed Rising competition out of town. I made it home after dropping Eaddie off, and it was a cold, slow start to the morning for me until I got an email from Judy with only a single date and time for my hearing.

After that, I went outside to try and reset the Pathfinder’s anti-theft system, but after pulling the battery and jumping through hoops with the ignition, I finally called a locksmith that told me it was most likely a bad computer that would just have to be replaced. That, of course, means either finding another old one to swap myself, or taking it to the dealership since it would involve reprogramming the keys anyway. That whole car just hardly seems worth the trouble, but hopefully airing it out today will at least help with the smell.

Later in the afternoon, Bác Vân called and asked me to come oil her back door because she was having trouble opening it. I felt bad for Doug, because she kept griping about him not fixing it, but apart from replacing the rollers, there wasn’t much else we could do. I guess that can be a project for tomorrow.

I thought I might accomplish a bit more than that today, but my mind just kept spinning in circles. I need a way to reboot myself, but I just don’t know what I need and at this point it feels impossible. At least I have a date for my board hearing, so that should help destress me. Maybe.

Eaddie got a ride home from a friend after her band buddies program. Once Summer got home, I headed up and grabbed some tacos along the way. Then I spent all evening trying to plan a couple days in Kansas City again. This is all just so much happening at once, and I’m done having it all on the back of my mind.

At least I’ve got rewards.

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Noisy

We didn’t get up to much today. We lounged around the house for most of the morning until Summer made Autumn go to the gym with her. Eaddie came out and sorted all of her music she had shuffled in her room. I thought I might make it home, but never did.

The girls decided they wanted burgers for dinner, so Summer and Autumn brought back everything we needed. I cleaned up one of the kitchen cabinets a bit, but otherwise spent a lot of time spinning in circles. Eventually we had to start prepping dinner while Autumn took Eaddie to pick up a few things at the last minute.

Noah came over when he was done with work, and I shuffled burgers through a frying pan as quickly as I could. It wasn’t super satisfying, and none of the spatulas were rated for a hot pan, but we got it done. Then Eaddie put together half of a gingerbread house while Autumn and Noah started The Lord of the Rings. Of course Autumn fell asleep pretty early, and Noah finished it with Eaddie.

Summer went to bed and I finally just took a shower there. Then it was off to bed in spite of how loud all of the TVs were playing.

Too bad there’s no noise cancellation for what’s going on inside my head.

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Can I Speak to Your Manager?

I got up this morning and made breakfast burritos. Autumn didn’t want one, so I had two. They were pretty great. Summer had to work, and the girls wanted to go out shopping. I went home for a bit, and then had the girls take me to Superfast so I could get the Pathfinder. I took it to Splash to vacuum out the inside, and then ran it through the car wash. It took hours to get the thing clean, and it still smelled awful. I thought it smelled like cats, but Summer said it was just mold or mildew from holding so much water for so many years.

Eventually I made it home, but was caught in limbo waiting to hear something back from Mark. I really wanted to send my request for a hearing yesterday, but that turned into this morning, which turned into “before 4:30,” which turned into “freakin whenever.” I eventually got it sent, and this was the easy part.

I headed back to Splash to catch Summer on her way out. She had to close shop late, and then we headed up to her house. The girls came out for a little bit while Summer ate some leftovers and I picked at some summer sausage. Summer got ready for bed, and then I got a message from Ernie, who wanted to chat on the phone. I called and talked to him for a little while, and he kept wanting to get together sometime. While I’d enjoy hanging out for a bit, the kilt club drama sounded a whole lot like the furry club drama I had just read about. I guess that’ll teach me to hang around Facebook.

I’m shipping up to Boston, whoa!

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Clean Car Gone

Autumn found the missing key fob for the Mercury this morning, so I was all set to transfer ownership to cousin Nick and Phil. Eaddie convinced me to pick up donuts on the way to drop her off, and then I took the car to the quarter wash for its first bath, possibly ever. I tried going to Superfast to visit with Summer after that, but she was too busy to come out. I ended up taking it to Splash to vacuum everything out, and finally ended up at home to wait for the guys to show up.

They got there a little bit late, but it wasn’t too bad. They were in a bit of a rush to get back though, on account of some expected bad weather. Nick drove the Montego around the block first, and then they were off. After that, I messed around with my old email archive for a while before picking up some salads from Zaxby’s to take to Summer for lunch.

I waited around for her in the office for quite a while, and got hangry enough to eat without her. The paperwork her parents dropped off for the Pathfinder was completely wrong, so that frustrated me as well. I knew we wouldn’t actually get that car out of the shop right then. She finally came up to eat, and then I went home to a super cold house for the rest of the afternoon. I did at least call Mollie and Leslie for some help, and Leslie was able to produce a document I needed. It was nice to talk to them even for a moment.

Eaddie ended up calling me for a ride when she was done with school. We stopped by the shop again to give Summer the correct paperwork for the Pathfinder, and then continued on home. I thought we’d leave again so I wouldn’t have to keep the Tesla at their house, but of course once Summer made it home with her own work frustrations, she didn’t want to leave again.

Laura Beth eventually called me to discuss my work woes, but didn’t have any additional insight, and I felt like I wasted her time. Finally, it fell to me to book our stay in Branson. Fortunately I stumbled upon a bundle through the Titanic exhibit site, and managed to get tickets for that, the Dolly Parton Stampede, and a hotel all for a pretty significant discount from their individual prices.

It truly is a parody of a town, and I hate tourist traps.

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MonteGo

I took Eaddie to school this morning and then went home rather aimlessly. It’s been three weeks, and I’ve been feeling the stress of not knowing what will happen. Eventually I got showered, and Summer asked for lunch since they were busy at Superfast. I picked up some corndogs from Sonic and brought them up to her office. Of course she was busy when I got there, so I had to wait around for her to be ready to eat.

When I left there, I went to the revenue office to see what I would need to register the Pathfinder without a title. Their parking lot was absolutely packed, so I went home for a break before trying again. By then, they were completely dead and I was the only one waiting with a number. Apparently the form I found online was wrong, so I got a different form from the girl there, and went back to Superfast to talk to Summer.

Cousin Nick was ready to move on buying the Montego, so I went home to trade vehicles, and then made it up to Summer’s to clean all of her stuff out of the car. I grabbed some Freddy’s on the way, and paid for it again by the end of the evening. We got everything out of the car and found the title, but couldn’t find the other key fob. Hopefully it turns up tomorrow.

Eaddie was in bed super early, so I never really saw her. Autumn passed through a couple times when she wanted something. Summer was exhausted from work, so of course she went to bed as quickly as she could.

I think I’d just rather be on a boat.