Tag: anxiety

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Pursuit of Trivia

It was mostly a pretty slow day at work. We spent most of it cleaning out computers at a few campuses. I spent a disproportionate amount of time driving when we had to visit London. Dale, Allen, and I met Summer at Ruby Tuesday for $5 salad bars. The service was pretty slow. I think only one of us ever got a refill at the table. Then the afternoon was more miscellany.

After work, I came home and started washing socks before getting ready to go to The Old Bank for trivia night. Summer wanted to meet up with Jenna, and we ended up joining forces with Summer’s Quiz Bowl cohort Johnny and a couple of his friends. It was a slow night for trivia with a substitute running the show. We placed third, and I wasn’t completely useless. My shining moment was being able to spell “szechuan.” We placed third.

All in!

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Is this trash?

It was kind of an odd day at work today. I had to run to Oakland first thing to take care of some summer school stuff. While I was there, I found my tadpoles were more frog than tadpole. I’m pretty sure they ended up being leopard frogs. They’re going to have to be released in a day or two.

When I finished there, I met Amanda, Dale, and Allen at the middle school to hang a TV and clean out computers. I basically ended up dusting out an entire computer lab before lunch. I met Allen at KFC, then went back with him and Amanda to finish hanging the TV and rearrange another room. That move was so involved, it lasted until the end of the day even with all three of us. It was nice to have a group project where everyone actually kept busy.

After work, Summer and I went to pick up the betta from the library at the junior high, but Jessica had already taken it home because I took too long. From there, we went to Gardner to check out some discard stuff. We ended up taking every bit of it – two full-sized filing cabinets, two bookshelves, a kid’s table, and a couple raised monitor stands. It took us three trips to the junior high to drop off most of that, and then we took the table to Summer’s house for Eaddie. On the way, we stopped to pick up some Taco John’s because we worked up our appetites, then took it back home to eat over an episode of The Office.

There’s an ugly monster in my head that someone put there a long time ago.

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The Long Shot

After a weekend of feeling how I assume this camel must feel, I took a shot and waited for Summer’s bus to get back to town.

Five hours of melting in the sun later, they showed up and I’m happy to report that things worked out. I’ve been bitter and cold for so long that I kind of forgot how not to be. It’s time to raise that guy from the dead. He wasn’t perfect either, but he was definitely less cynical, and probably a bit nicer too. At least he acted like it.

You’re dumb, and I hate you. Welcome home.

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Radio Silence

She said we weren’t good for each other. I asked for some time, and she said she would think about it until the end of the day.
But she had already thought about it for much longer than that. I just didn’t know it.

She said I hurt her feelings when I joked. I asked her if she would talk about things and work on it with me.
She quietly shook her head.

In a relationship that should be two people communicating, she chose not to communicate.

She chose not to work on us, expecting instead to fall into some effortless fairy tale fantasy.

If something is wrong, you have to say something is wrong. You can’t go on telling someone they’re perfect in every way, and then expect them to know that something needs to change. Some people are more compatible than others, but no matter what, every single relationship is a choice. Sometimes that choice requires a lot of hard work.

I wish I had been given a choice at all.

Thanks for your support.

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Premonition

We’ve entered the stage of heavy dreaming and suspicion. I find myself wanting to know absolute truths. Do I question what’s in front of me, or do I just let it go now without a fight? If I fight, is it worth the struggle, or is it best to leave it all behind?

I’m at a disadvantage when I assume the best in people. I’ve grown sarcastic and cynical, yet assume honesty and take everyone else at face value. I guess that’s my fault. Everyone’s got a story. I just wish it wasn’t so hard for people to share it sometimes.

I tried to separate myself this time as a precaution, and I thought it helped at first. Maybe it did. Or maybe it was my undoing.

Or maybe it’s something else entirely.

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We’ll All Float On

I tend to not let myself get too excited. It helps to mitigate the disappointment when shit goes sideways.

Only days until the finish line. I let myself get excited. Summer was finally here. We were supposed to leave for New Orleans today for the quiz bowl tournament. Not only was I excited, but I spread that excitement to my friends, and they were excited too. They’ve been asking me about our plans, and letting them know I wasn’t going was splitting myself open again every time.

I let myself get excited. Summer had so much in store for us. For the first time in such a long time, I was looking forward to the future. We were going to take a trip to Wisconsin to pick up the girls after their stay with her sister. It was going to be such a fun trip. I was so looking forward to it.

The support structure is here in full force. Hardy and true. Built to withstand so much worse.

But even a clean break leaves things broken.

So, are you coming to the game?

Adventure Time!

Double

We got up this morning and made pancakes and sausage links. Summer’s were prettier because she pulled them off the heat earlier than I did, but mine tasted fine. I used the strawberries and whipped cream that we got for strawberry shortcakes with just a drizzle of maple syrup on top, and it was super delicious. 10/10 Goldblums.

Summer herded everyone out of the house, and I got things back in relative order before cleaning up for an evening out. Ronda and Steven invited us out to have dinner with them at their usual Saturday evening at Fat Daddy’s. They were super social butterflies. I had some public anxiety at first, but it went swimmingly. Hopefully we’ll do something else soon.

Back home for the evening, we took advantage of the mattress I set up in the living room for the girls, and snuggled up with some root beer floats to watch more of The Office before bed.

I’m serious all the time.  :|

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ERRBODY IN DA CLUB GETTIN long term hearing loss

We got up this morning and took everyone back to Summer’s house. I stayed for just a little bit after she left for the gym, but then went home to take care of some housework myself. It was really nice outside, so I took advantage and vacuumed out every inch of the car. Mom stopped by on her way home from work to visit with Bác Vân and to get a Coco Rico.

Summer’s friend Jenna asked her out to Front Street Grill for dinner and drinks in the evening, so I agreed to tag along. We had a bit of time to kill, so as soon as Summer got here we left to wash the car on the way. Once we got settled in, Summer got some pretty good pasta and I got a pretty bad fillet. The band had quite a bit of trouble integrating with the bar’s sound system and ended up wheeling in their own. We were sat front and center, so once they got to playing we had to move outside to avoid permanent damage to our hearing.

It was really nice out, but the girls got cold and we had to move back inside. We sat at a table in the back, but it was still way too loud for me. It only got worse when the band took a break and the DJ cranked his cancer mixtape to 11, so we left shortly thereafter.

I’m really not much for fun.

Adventure Time!

An Unexpected Trip

This week went by really fast. We ran a few relatively easy lines in the morning, went to Mulan’s for lunch, then I had a little help again in the afternoon with some other projects. Then things got… different?

I gave Zach a bit more insight into my anxiety, and in return I learned of a new place to avoid. On our way out, Summer was walking by and mentioned that her quiz bowl team was being recognized at the high school game. She invited me to meet her there, and while normally this would have been an easy, “no,” I had just joked with her earlier in the day that, though I may not bring much to the table, I always show up when invited.

So I did.

I made myself as small as possible and sat through the first half of a high school football game. It was nerve-racking at a level I have not experienced in a long time. It wasn’t until later in the evening that I realized how long ago our paths had really crossed.

This place terrifies me.

Paperclips: 30,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000