Tag: friends

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Lawdy, Lawdy

I couldn’t sleep again last night, save for a couple periods of maybe an hour or so where I lost some time and dozed a bit. I was wide awake long before my alarm, and got to witness the entire wake cycle for my lighting, which was actually kind of neat. I was much less groggy than I expected to be, and I made it work.

I got to my office for just a minute before going to a classroom to check on a projector. Then I had to go to the shop for a lamp that I didn’t have in my office. Along the way, I felt compelled to stop by Oakland for a little extra love, though I didn’t stay long. I got to the shop and chatted with Gary for a little bit before discovering we didn’t have any of the model bulb I needed, so from there I went to Melinda to try and get some ordered.

We chatted for quite a while, and she turned out to be way more holy-rolly than I expected. It seemed to come up everywhere I turned today, and I hated that this was the automatic response. It made sense for other people to look to their faith in their trying times, but not only am I past that time in my life, this situation has been completely different for me. Sure, it’s been rough, but my level of acceptance and the way I’ve coped has been, as far as I’m concerned, phenomenal. I’ve felt stronger in myself, more focused, more decisive, and overall braver.

Eventually the other guys started filtering in, and Allen, Zach, and Gary convinced me to go to Wendy’s where I just had a cup of chili and a chocolate Frosty-ccino. By this time, even the chili felt like too much, and I left wishing I had gotten the small. I figured I could use the lull of the depression stage of my grief to start a habit of eating less and doing more.

After lunch, Ben showed up and we chatted for a while. Then I bounced around some more in the shop. At the end of the day, he came back and talked to me about some decisions to make in the new lease, and then just like that, the day was over.

I went to get gas, then stopped by AT&T to see who I could pester. Mayra and Kevin were both there, and we caught up a bit. Then it was on to my parents’ house to tell them about my week over some shrimp soup. As parents, they wanted to reassure and defend me, but I had already made up my mind to just accept things and move on. We talked a bit more, and then I headed home.

Bâc Ván was in the garden trimming plants in the dark, so I chatted with her for a while about some of her issues and some of mine. Eaddie had texted me yesterday like some kind of loan shark asking for her money. I always collected the cash she threw around the house carelessly, and she wanted it back. I was almost proud of how it reminded me of myself in her practicality. I did some quick mafs and hit up Summer with a money request. She denied it almost immediately and I became slightly concerned, but then she texted and seemed to just want me to handle Eaddie’s cash on my own instead of deducting it from what she owed me. The money request quickly over tripled in size and she paid it without hesitation. I got to work loading up their bicycles and hit the road.

When I got there, I got some things off of my chest before Eaddie came out to collect her money. That is when she absolutely melted my face. That girl always played it so close to her chest, but she came out and said some things. I said some things. And then I lost. My. Fucking. Marbles. It was like she said to me every single thing I had ever longed to hear in my entire life. She hugged me and held my hand and stood there to talk to me for so long. I hadn’t even been ambushed or bamboozled. This girl just always played it cautiously like I did, and it was like we finally understood that we were both in the exact same place all along.

Summer and I had a go at conversation, and though not restored, we were at least reconciled. She ultimately agreed to counseling to help nail down her own issues, and we agreed that we should continue to talk as people who deeply care for one another. Times are confusing and uncertain, but it is a Wednesday after all.

I never could get the hang of Wednesdays.

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Finding Value

I laid in bed for a couple hours but didn’t sleep a wink. The sound of thunderstorms echoed from my Google Home speakers just as the storm raged behind my eyelids; synapses firing constantly with every burning question and emotion. I could feel my eyes darting back and forth, jittering at lightning speed. Frustrated, I eventually just got up and played more Overwatch to try and occupy my mind. I figured there was no sense in burning cycles trying to understand a truth that wasn’t my own. The only thing I could possibly do was make assumptions, which would only serve to bounce around in my head forever, wasting even more time. I could never really know Summer’s truth, because she would say one thing and feel another.

Eventually I got out with the sun and went to retrieve those things – those bigger things that I had brought over for my family. Being financially-minded, I tried to provide nice things so that Summer could focus on paying down her debts instead. I never did get to actually witness that looming mountain of debt. I only heard stories, as though it was a fictional giant in some kind of fairytale. I just wanted to make sure my family had more than we needed. I thought that actually providing for the family was speaking louder than any words I could possibly muster, but Summer found no value at all in what I provided. If words were all she really wanted, then I accepted the trade and wrote letters to take the place of things I took back. It was over a couple grand worth of just stuff around the house, not to mention the thousands of more dollars invested in things for our family to do, like season passes to Magic Springs, a family set of bicycles, a kayak, a motorcycle, or my own family’s reservation for another hotel room on our planned trip to Eureka Springs in two weeks. Neither one of our houses could even contain it all, so it remained split.

Wanting to know the truth is what drove me mad in the past. I could never understand what motivated Sarah to treat me the way she did. I could only assume it was for her own benefit, either as emotional support, or some kind of backup plan in case something else went sideways. Summer never seemed particularly motivated. She expressed that she only wanted to do things to please me, constantly. She wanted to tell me nice things and do things for me, but she would never accept that I simply loved her the way she was. She projected how she wanted to be treated onto me, and could never see past that singular vision. Conversely, she seemingly wanted to change who I was from the start. Surely, she helped me regain some of what I had lost, but she would never accept me for who I was. She said that she did, but then acted differently, or got upset when I didn’t change enough for her liking.

In the end of it all, it certainly feels as though she was just looking for a reason to leave, or at least looking to see where else she could go. Fussing over who texted who first in the day felt petty. Saying she had to force herself not to text me first just to see if I would text her was passive-aggressive at best. Saying that by not giving holiday gifts I made her feel guilty was completely contrived after tabulating how much money I had spent on her and the kids over the course of our relationship. I always told her that if she didn’t want to be with me, she didn’t have to make an excuse. She could just not be. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her, but rather that I knew I couldn’t really make her feel any kind of way about me. We had to meet in the middle, and all this time I thought we had been.

Even before we dated, I told her that girls tend to jump from relationship to relationship with relative ease, and that guys tend to fall harder than girls. We both fell into stereotypes, and couldn’t communicate effectively enough to break that barrier. Communication is a two-way street though, and she refused any suggestions of counseling to work through her own grief from the past. I would have done anything to help us communicate better, but she outright refused at every single turn. In the end, I have to accept that there are things I can do, and things that I cannot.

I ended the day with a walk to Allen’s house where we did a lot of man-hugging. He gets a little too woman-hatey to be honest, but he’s always there for me as a pillar of support. I certainly did not rebound to some mystery woman that wanted to help me grow stronger, and after two days of spilling my guts, I kind of feel like I’m just screaming at a wall expecting it to budge.

Maybe the only way to move on is to just forget.

And maybe we’ll try sobriety again tomorrow.

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These Axe Puns Are Bringing Me Down

I got up a little early this morning so we could head up to Bentonville for Brandon’s semi-surprise birthday shindig. Brandie messaged me early to let me know she was bailing on us, so after dressing up and washing the car, I picked up Josue and we headed out of town. We stopped in Ozark at Rivertowne BBQ for lunch, and though the food tasted pretty good, it seemed to lack in presentation a bit. At least the portions were huge, and I boxed up about half of mine.

We still had a bit of time, so we continued up to Fayetteville and stopped at Kohl’s so I could burn my $45 in bonus cash. I assume the slight difference in climate drove up the demand for winter wear, because they had a ton of coats on clearance. I picked up another hoodie and a coat after I couldn’t find anything else compelling. I wish I could have fit into one of the leather jackets better, but they were super tight around the shoulders. Both Josue and the cashier acted stunned when I checked out under five bucks for the two articles, but their rewards program doesn’t have me fooled. Luckily by spending so little this time, I think I’m out of the cycle of repeat visits to spend rewards.

At last, we made the last of the trip to the Urban Forest Axe House and met up with Diana, Brandon and his brother Ryan, and a couple of his other friends. Our coach was quirky and a little awkward at times, but it was a good time. Diana brought snacks, though Josue and I were still pretty full from our big lunch. My second throw was a bulls-eye, but when it came down to Diana and myself for the finals, she won with a killshot that I had never been able to nail, and eventually ignored in favor of the larger and lower bulls-eye.

Once our time was up there, Brandon decided we should go by Dave & Buster’s for some drinks and gaming. We all sat at the bar, and I chugged soda waters as we visited. Brandon talked to me a little about his job, which was the first we had really talked much about anything since we were all kind of busy throwing axes. Eventually we got up to play some games, though I didn’t spend very much. My birthday promo had expired, and the place was kind of busy anyway, so we just mingled for a little while and then left.

Ryan suggested we go to Bariola’s for cheap appetizers and free ice cream, so we made the quick hop down the road and visited some more. It seemed like a pretty good pizza joint, but the cheap appetizers were perfect for sharing and just hanging out. In the end, I asserted my dominance by creating a huge ice cream cone, and eventually it was back to the road to head home.

I really hate that drive… And after all that, I never even got out of the state!

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Bye Forever!

It was nice enough, and I got out of the house early enough that I got to ride the bike to work this morning. The first thing on the agenda was to get some plants planted in the new office goldfish aquarium. It’s way overstocked and way underfiltered, so I figure some plants would help as much as anything else. The rest of the day was mostly spent working on laptops while the rest of the building started on testing.

I made it back to the shop for lunch just in time to hear we were all taking Jason to Taco Tuesday for his last day. For some reason, eight of us didn’t want to squeeze into the two appropriately-sized tables, but I guess there were still open tables for others. It wasn’t a particularly sentimental moment the way that others might have been, but we enjoyed our time together. Then I rode back to the high school to chug away at more laptops.

Classes let out early for the students to watch the basketball tournament in the arena, so it was really quiet. My office got super cold super fast, and it finally got to the point that I just had to get up and leave. I went back to the shop for the last 30 minutes or so, and chatted with Ben about his plans for the department moving forward. I would have liked to just take over the position, but I also know some of who I would be up against. Instead, I think he’s really leaning into adding a second tier for us so that multiple employees can benefit from an overdue wage increase.

I rode home for just long enough to get cleaned up, and then I met Summer at Ruby Tuesday for $5 salads. John served us, and I shared stories of his greatness. As we left, I finally asked the best way to pay our compliments, and proceeded to submit my entry through the company’s corporate website. Summer was exhausted from work, so I got Eaddie from karate and Autumn from hanging out at the basketball tournament. We headed home and everyone settled in to bed pretty quickly. Even I was feeling pretty exhausted.

Whatever you do, do it well.

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Dungeons & Dragons & Knights, Oh My!

I got up this morning and warmed up some leftovers as Summer motivated the kids to start chores. Eventually she left for a manicure and the gym, and I went home to do some cleaning up myself. I had to stop by Amanda’s first to check on the cats, then went home and took care of my own. I did a little quick maintenance on the fish tanks as well, and made time for a couple rounds of Overwatch with Johnny.

The evening snuck up on me pretty quickly, and I headed back to Summer’s for our night of Dungeons & Dragons with Travis, John, and Melissa. I stopped by Dollar General for some snacks first, then we made our way up the hill. The two kids didn’t show up, but I think overall it was better for it. We had only really done one little short prebuilt campaign before, so this was our first time with character sheets and the like, and I think it stressed Travis out a little too much. We ended up quitting really early and just sat around quietly visiting for a little longer before going home.

Summer crawled into bed pretty quickly with Autumn, so I started the old musical Camelot that I picked up with some Amazon digital credits. I remembered precious little of the movie from my very early childhood, but it’s always stuck in my mind, so I figured why not burn some free credits on it. Eaddie started to watch it with us, but then almost immediately left when she realized what it was. Autumn fell asleep to it really early as well. Summer made it a little over halfway before asking if it was some kind of 4-hour feature, so we quit there.

Never be too disturbed if you don’t understand what a woman is thinking. They don’t do it very often!

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Feed Me!

We had a little training session this morning, and Ben brought little sausage rolls and donuts for us. When we finished there, Allen asked for some help picking up a cart, but wanted to stop by the middle school first. Charlotte gave us some apple dumplings and ice cream, and then one of her ladies gave me a big Salvadorian sandwich she had made that I ate on the way out to London. It ended up being a tiny cart that Allen could probably have actually fit in his car, but it didn’t matter at that point.

We got back to the shop with a little time before lunch, so I chatted with Gary for a little while. The guys decided on Fat Daddy’s in London for lunch, and I wasn’t hungry at all, but for some reason I let them peer pressure me into driving them out there. The place was completely empty when we got there, and the owner walked in right before us and said he wanted to take care of our meals, so we all got to eat for free. Being full already, I just had a bowl of chili that stuffed me over the edge. It was alright, but tasted too barbecue saucy for me.

I spent a little while in the afternoon chatting with Ben before going to the high school to finish up the day. He said we could go home at 3, but Johnny called needing some help at the aquatic center for a diving competition and I opted to try and help out. We don’t actually have anything at all to do with any of that equipment, and nobody out there really knew what they were doing or how to help me help them, so I spent a good amount of time on someone else’s iPhone talking to their IT guy. He pointed me in a few different directions, but we could never get the scoreboard to work.

With the work week over, I stopped by Summer’s to see her on the way home. She wanted me to stick around and wait for the kids, so I sat on the bench for a while and ended up video calling Suzanne to catch up for a bit since she’s been at school. The kids never showed up, and it started getting really cold outside, so I left for home and played a bunch of video games.

Bác Vân called with some TV trouble, so I went next door to help with that and she sent me home with some papaya salad. Then Jack and Johnny got on to play Deep Rock Galactic, which was weird and entertaining, but long. We ended the night with some Overwatch with Aaron and eventually Clint. Finally, I made my way up to Summer’s for bed.

Leave it to shrimp paste to ruin the day’s trend.

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Lumpday

I was pretty scattered today, like the rest of the week. It rained pretty heavily most of the day, and somehow I kept finding myself out in it. At least my waterproof shoes worked perfectly. I wasn’t very hungry by the time lunch snuck up on me, but Allen texted me last-minute to go to KFC. I just had a famous bowl, which still filled me up plenty, and I only paid about half of what he paid for his buffet.

The afternoon went by pretty quickly too, as I continued to pick at more things around the office. I went home and played a little Overwatch by myself in the cold until Summer got home. Then I went by Casey’s for their free rewards item. There was a little cat pacing and meowing around the front door, so I stopped to boop it a little on the way out. Then I got a snack from Taco Bell, gas from Shell, and headed up to Summer’s for the evening. Everyone there was pretty much off to bed, so I got on and played some more Overwatch with Clint, Johnny, and Jack until bed.

C-can you hear that music?

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Catching Up Over Deals

I decided to work today instead of taking even just the morning off. I went to the shop first, where we didn’t really seem to have a meeting planned. The pizza I ordered Sunday night would be ready at 9, so I worked on some stuff there until it was ready, then picked it up on the way to the high school. It wasn’t fully decked out, but I think the only thing I really wished I had added but didn’t were jalapeños. I showed Summer a picture and she decided to try a couple slices, so I dropped some off really quickly along the way.

My morning went by pretty quickly again, though I managed to stay decently busy. Lunchtime approached quickly again after such a late breakfast, and I was to meet up with Amanda. She said to invite anyone else along, so I texted Allen and picked him up before getting her on the way to Zaxby’s for BOGO chicken. As we left, Allen said the others were meeting Dale at Taco John’s, but they hadn’t said a word to me about it. It’s not the first time they’ve had lunch with him without mentioning it to me, so I felt less bad about missing out.

The afternoon went by pretty quickly too, and I jammed out with no teachers down my hallway. I ended the day setting up another computer at the old fieldhouse, then made a lap to burn the last couple minutes before quitting time. I spent a little time cleaning up and started a load of laundry before Summer decided she wasn’t hungry enough for dinner, so I let her handle the girls while I went to my parents’ house for dinner.

My parents had already eaten, so I warmed up some spaghetti and ate, then talked to then about work and finances for a little while. It’s probably past time that I research high interest offers for both savings and checking accounts. I figure I’m missing out on another hundred bucks or so in interest income, and that’s just too easy not to collect. I started to look at some different banks when I got home, but then Aaron got on to play some Overwatch with me until bedtime.

It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…

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Snoway!

Today was super cold, and there was just enough moisture right over us that we got our first little dusting of snow. It wasn’t even really a dusting so much as a sprinkle, but it was snow nonetheless. I spent all morning at the shop fighting with the same desktop from yesterday, and got a couple responses from 2TAC. They finally agreed to take it back under warranty, though they still felt like it was an imaging issue and not necessarily hardware. Zach, Sara, Gary, and I went to Western Sizzlin for lunch in the freezy air, and then I went to the high school in the afternoon where I fought with the laptops again.

I thought we were going to Zaxby’s for Quiz Bowl trivia night, but Summer had a meeting at the high school and then just went to get the kids afterward. I stayed in and got cold enough to turn on my radiator again, but didn’t do much else. Some of the guys got on and played Call of Duty while I lurked. Eventually Clint got on for some Overwatch before bed.

I just don’t get it, I bought this treadmill two years ago and I still haven’t lost any weight at all.

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Folly Friday

Today was a lot of work disguised as fun. Jason had a project with Allen, and Ben had me catch up on work orders at Oakland. I hadn’t been able to visit in a while, so it was great getting to see everyone again. I don’t ever get that kind of love from any other campus. We caught up just a little bit in the office before I wandered the building taking care of business. Then I made a stop in the cafeteria before heading out.

Ben and Heather were running a fax line at the junior high, so I joined up with them. We got really close to our destination when we ran out of cable because nobody checked what direction the length markers were counting. Heather had to run and grab a box of another color, and we used the first line as a pull, then continued on to the finish line. I’ve made it a little bit of a game to be extra-ridiculous around James, and it helped to keep things light for me. We worked right into lunch, and Ben left to eat with one of his kids.

Heather had other errands too, but Allen called to let me know he and Gary were going to Wendy’s, so I caught up with them. Gary fussed over the girl spelling his name with two Rs, but then I beat him by placing a mobile order for a salad with added onions, and the girl asked if I wanted them on my salad. I confirmed that I would not be eating the onions by themselves, but she still gave me my order with a cup of onions on the side. I’d never seen the girl before, so maybe she was just nervous and new, but that still felt obvious.

After lunch, I ran by the high school to grab a charger before meeting up with Ben at the middle school. He wanted to take a truckload of discarded electronics from the technology office there. It took us a couple trips, but we somehow managed to load it all into his truck. Then I loaded us up with popcorn and we headed back to the shop. Jason was out for the afternoon, so everyone that was left took it pretty easy in the shop. I like it when Ben works back there with us, because he’s helpful and fun with random chatter while we’re doing other things. It just always feels more like a team effort, even if we’re all working on completely different things.

When I got home, I put my car back on the charger and cleaned it up a bit for the trip to Conway tomorrow. Summer has a run early in the morning, so I actually have to get up an hour earlier than I do for work just to get us all down there in time.

Let’s be honest. I’ve already done as much work as I’m going to do this week.