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Changing States

Today was the first day of summer projects. I was sent with Dale and Ryan to swap spinning drives out in favor of about six grand worth of solid state hard drives for a couple high school labs. The part that killed me was that we were only doing it because the teachers complained about the speed of the computers, and we only planned to use them for another year. For some reason I couldn’t get the same for the junior high. Maybe it was because I didn’t push for it. I didn’t even realize it was a realistic option, especially a temporary one.

After work, I went to check on Summer as she finished mowing her lawn. She was covered head-to-toe in grass because the mulch guard had broken off of her mower. After a quick shower, we went to my parents’ house to swim some more and to clean up some more leftovers. It’s only two more days until the weekend, and I’m ready for a proper one this time.

Totes bresh, brov.

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The End: Year 2

Today was the last day of school. Something like 90% of the kids were gone, and most of the teachers were just wandering around babysitting whoever was left. Technology had a cookout, and Jason called me over to grill. I almost had the food ready to go on time.

It was a little odd how much work some of us had to get done. I guess the teachers wanting to leave for their vacation brought out a bunch of housekeeping issues that were never important enough to bring up during the school year.

After work, I met with Summer and we went to my parents’ house to swim and have some leftover barbecue chicken. The pool seemed surprisingly warm, and would have been perfect in the sun. Then the fresh baked banana bread was a big hit.

I’m still exhausted after this weekend, but everyone else’s summer vacation is when we’re about to break out the big projects. At least this weekend we’ll get some time away.

Strictly according to analogy.

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The Long Shot

After a weekend of feeling how I assume this camel must feel, I took a shot and waited for Summer’s bus to get back to town.

Five hours of melting in the sun later, they showed up and I’m happy to report that things worked out. I’ve been bitter and cold for so long that I kind of forgot how not to be. It’s time to raise that guy from the dead. He wasn’t perfect either, but he was definitely less cynical, and probably a bit nicer too. At least he acted like it.

You’re dumb, and I hate you. Welcome home.

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Radio Silence

She said we weren’t good for each other. I asked for some time, and she said she would think about it until the end of the day.
But she had already thought about it for much longer than that. I just didn’t know it.

She said I hurt her feelings when I joked. I asked her if she would talk about things and work on it with me.
She quietly shook her head.

In a relationship that should be two people communicating, she chose not to communicate.

She chose not to work on us, expecting instead to fall into some effortless fairy tale fantasy.

If something is wrong, you have to say something is wrong. You can’t go on telling someone they’re perfect in every way, and then expect them to know that something needs to change. Some people are more compatible than others, but no matter what, every single relationship is a choice. Sometimes that choice requires a lot of hard work.

I wish I had been given a choice at all.

Thanks for your support.

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Premonition

We’ve entered the stage of heavy dreaming and suspicion. I find myself wanting to know absolute truths. Do I question what’s in front of me, or do I just let it go now without a fight? If I fight, is it worth the struggle, or is it best to leave it all behind?

I’m at a disadvantage when I assume the best in people. I’ve grown sarcastic and cynical, yet assume honesty and take everyone else at face value. I guess that’s my fault. Everyone’s got a story. I just wish it wasn’t so hard for people to share it sometimes.

I tried to separate myself this time as a precaution, and I thought it helped at first. Maybe it did. Or maybe it was my undoing.

Or maybe it’s something else entirely.

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We’ll All Float On

I tend to not let myself get too excited. It helps to mitigate the disappointment when shit goes sideways.

Only days until the finish line. I let myself get excited. Summer was finally here. We were supposed to leave for New Orleans today for the quiz bowl tournament. Not only was I excited, but I spread that excitement to my friends, and they were excited too. They’ve been asking me about our plans, and letting them know I wasn’t going was splitting myself open again every time.

I let myself get excited. Summer had so much in store for us. For the first time in such a long time, I was looking forward to the future. We were going to take a trip to Wisconsin to pick up the girls after their stay with her sister. It was going to be such a fun trip. I was so looking forward to it.

The support structure is here in full force. Hardy and true. Built to withstand so much worse.

But even a clean break leaves things broken.

So, are you coming to the game?

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It’s a little hard to hear you with that pity-dick in your mouth.

I ran into a sad Daredevil in the shower this morning. Sometimes I see some pretty weird stuff in there, but this one was picture-worthy. It was a bit hard to capture, what with him being made of hair and all. Toast would’ve been an easier medium to capture, I think.

Work was a bit more fun than usual today. I got a few things done, had lunch at KFC with Allen, and got to play with $160,000 worth of new flash storage in the server room. It was pretty impressive, and well thought-out, which was nice because we had to mount it at face level. I guess when you’re spending that much money on something, they really want to make sure you get your screwdriver, because the packaging for that was a little beyond ridiculous.

When we finished up in the server room, we were greeted outside by a pretty big, flooding thunderstorm. I didn’t expect the rain, but I at least drove to that building due to the heat. The problem was that I accidentally pulled off of the sidewalk and into the dirt when I parked, so I nearly got stuck getting out. I was just barely able to rock the car back and forth enough to hop out of the rut. That was after having to climb in from the passenger side because there was such a large mud puddle on the driver’s side.

Josh met me at my house right after work, and we went to Conway for some Old Chicago and then to catch Deadpool 2. Solo comes out this weekend, so we wanted to catch this while it was still in the XD theater. It was a great movie that really just kept running with the jabs at literally anything else. We decided that it would be pretty hard to mess up a Deadpool movie, simply for the fact that it’s so self-aware and never takes itself too (at all) seriously.

Listen to the pain. It’s both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are, Wade.

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You can teach a new fish young tricks.

I brought one of my smaller tadpoles in to work today so I could compare size with the two monsters I brought in a couple weeks ago. The size difference is astounding. It’s crazy to me how stunted their growth was due to overcrowding.

Semester tests started at the junior high, but I didn’t really hear from anyone. It’s just one day closer to being a ghost town. I went to lunch with Ronda and met Steven at Ruby Tuesday for $5 salads. They didn’t have any of their delicious croutons out when we started, but I managed to fill up in spite of it.

After work, I came home and spent a little time with the betta. I thought I might try to teach her some tricks, so I’ve been handling and petting her when I feed her. I’ll need to make a hoop for her to swim through. It makes me want to put a fish in the water buckets outside to help eat the mosquito larvae. I could bring them in to a sorority tank during the winter.

I ended the evening with some pretty decent games of PUBG with Aaron. We haven’t had a chicken dinner in a while, but we got really close a couple times.

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn’t.

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I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

I slept in by about an hour this morning. I don’t remember my alarm going off or anything. Somehow I still managed to get to work in a reasonable amount of time. It’s the last week of school. I feel like last year I had more going on at work and less noise in my head.

I came home after work and had to steam clean the carpet where one of the cats threw up a couple times. It made me so mad. Then I did a water change for the tadpoles to try and get rid of some of the ammonia.

Right around the time I finished with that, the guys started to show up, and we played PUBG until bedtime.

I’m dancing with my demons.