Tag: anxiety

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Coach Brain

I spent virtually the entire day trying to compose an email. There was a lot of fact checking and gathering of second through 20th opinions as well. I truly shirked my tech duties all day for the sake of a solid esports launch. Even after all of that though, I still haven’t actually had my first after school meeting yet. All of this was just to send out a survey and set up a Discord. There are so many moving parts, and it’s great to be on the front and back end of the whole process, but it just means twice the work along with the glory.

Zach chose Morelos for us, so he and Sara drove while Allen and Brice rode with me. We made it there and back in plenty of time in spite of Allen’s whining. After lunch I was approved to unblock Discord from our firewall when, much to Gary’s sarcastic amusement, a certified teacher agreed that he told him so about classroom management being the issue and not the communication tool itself. School let out two hours early, but I made it to the junior high just in time to get everything set up for conferences.

It didn’t seem like there were a bunch of parents there, but I had several stop by my little area to talk about it. I handed out just a few more flyers, but most everyone that stopped by was at least a little bit aware of esports. Evidently there was something on the news about it last night, so it seemed like most of them expected it. Still, it was nice to get a little bit of face time along with a whole lot of validation from parents, teachers, and principals.

I finally left around 7:30 and went to my parents’ house for a leftover egg roll salad. Then it was home for the evening to play with Discord some more. I think, like everything else, I’m making it more complicated than it has to be.

I’ve decided that being called “Coach” is gross, and have promoted myself to the Director of Esports position.

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V-Games for V-Day

Oakland was pretty crazy with Valentine’s Day stuff this morning, so I was just in and out. I spent a bit of time at the shop trying to organize my thoughts about esports, and then made it to the junior high just before the 8th graders went to lunch. I grabbed my flyers and waited nervously in the lunch meeting room. As soon as Matt made the announcement, the kids started pouring in. It was pretty rowdy, and I was a little disappointed in how little most of them knew about the games being offered. I got a bunch of questions about adding shooters, and I just kept having to point them to the fact that we’re going to have a hard enough time convincing parents that video games are good for school without throwing violence in with it.

The 9th graders seemed way more prepared. Hands shot up for all the games, and there were plenty of people that already played them at home. It ended up being almost entirely a question/answer session. I was glad that Summer and Hannah came to the 8th grade lunch for support though, and even Autumn brought a couple friends. I felt like I had a pretty decent handle on the introduction the second time, but the hardest part is still ahead. I spent all afternoon running around the building getting input from different people about how to get the word out to parents. Once I can get my mind to slow down a bit, I’ll be able to enlist the EAST project kids to do most of this legwork.

I never did make it to a lunch, and I spent the end of the workday setting up AppLocker for League of Legends so I can restrict who can actually run the game. I got to chatting with Ben for a little bit before I left, and then headed home to meet up with Summer. Once I got a hold of my parents, everyone agreed on my suggestion of Taco Villa for a Valentine’s Day dinner. It was a relatively easy way to avoid the craziness of all the sit-down restaurants today. I forgot to grab cash on the way out the door though, so we had to run back home for that before we got the food.

I think we all ate too much. I confirmed that I still don’t love tamales, especially that aren’t homemade. There was a lot of cheese. Everywhere. When we got back home after dinner, I felt like I slammed into a brick wall of exhaustion, but had to finish washing a load of socks. Summer went home to receive the girls as I stayed in to wind down as quickly as possible.

Here’s to the last 80.

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Greasy Peasy

Today I mostly caught up on things I’ve been needing to do at work. I started at Oakland mostly to check on the frogs, but got an ocular migraine that knocked me out of service for a few minutes. From there it was off to the shop to discuss smart things with Gary and Zach.

Allen, Brice, and I wanted to go to KFC for lunch, but they were doing renovations in their lobby, so we went to Long John Silver’s instead. The food was good, but seemed lacking somehow. I just didn’t feel stuffed the way I normally do there.

After lunch, I went to the junior high and took care of several things. I got a call this morning from the shipping company that was supposed to deliver Summer’s phone for FedEx, and the guy told me they lost it and to call FedEx to file a claim, so I started that process in the afternoon. That became really dumb really fast, so I got Summer to log in for me and I chatted with Google Fi customer service for some help, and got the old “I’ll escalate this for you” answer. Still no new information.

I wrapped up the day with a few things at Oakland before heading home to get some things, and I left for Summer’s. While she was at the gym, I took the kids to Walmart because Autumn wanted to shop for some Christmas presents. I couldn’t really see that she got much of anything, but I got a couple thing I needed, and Noah carried the 35 pound bag of cat food for me, so overall I called it a success.

Summer ordered some Domino’s and met us at the house just shortly after we got there. Then we played some Mario Party until everyone was ready for bed.

You’re killing my, killing my, killing my time.

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Baron Grinnit

I spent most of the morning at Oakland taking care of a few things before heading to the shop. Once there, I helped Ben move an enormous desk from the hallway into one of the offices for Brice to use as an office. It does feel a little odd that Amanda never got an office when she had all the elementaries, but I’m also guessing she probably never asked. He seems to really want an office space, and we have the extra rooms. I am a little surprised that such nice furniture just appeared for him, but I think I have a chance to grab something too if I hurry.

Dale, Allen, Ben, and I went to Taco John’s for lunch, and then I went to the junior high for the afternoon. There wasn’t a whole lot going on there, but I spent some good time messing with a testing software deployment that evidently needs updating. More on that tomorrow.

After work, I ran to PetSmart to grab some of the smallest crickets I could find and took them to Oakland for the frogs. They seem small enough, but several of the crickets were already dead. I dropped a few live ones in with the frogs, and we’ll see if any are left in the morning.

From there, I ran home for a bit and started a campaign on Breath of the Wild before heading to the high school for Autumn’s band concert. The PAC was packed, and I’m surprised they didn’t pass around a collection plate. Somehow I managed to survive and we went to Taco Bell for dinner afterward.

Back at home, I continued my campaign for just a little bit longer before bed.

So let me get this straight. Link gets a cell phone, then asks Ganon for help getting down the mountain?

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Charade of a Parade

Today felt like Friday all day long. I had quite a bit of time to socialize throughout the day while having to move around through the building for work orders. Allen wanted to go to lunch but wanted someone else to decide where, so I suggested Wind Taste. My offer struck a chord with his newfound love for the place, so we both had the General Tso lunch special that was just killer.

The Christmas parade was happening, so we were released at 3, but I ended up sticking around a while anyway. Summer really wanted me to go to the parade with her, but every fiber of my being just wasn’t okay with being there. I got frustrated and angry on the way home as I encountered traffic and blocked intersections everywhere I went. I hate this time of year for it, and I feel like nobody really understands how much it really negatively affects my demeanor.

I headed home instead of finding a place to park, and found some warmer clothes to wear. It ended up not being as cold as I expected, or perhaps I was just dressed appropriately. I left to arrive just before the roads were closed and parked at Stoby’s facing the street for a quick getaway. There was a train parked right on the tracks downtown, but it backed out of the intersections after almost no time. I don’t know if they just had to reschedule it for traffic, or if it was unloading something, but they didn’t go anywhere. I made my way to the presbyterian church downtown and met up with Summer, who was surprised to see me. I was a little upset that she kept hounding me to go, then told me not to worry about it (probably out of frustration at me), told me she didn’t feel like going herself, and then planned to go without me anyway.

In the end, we were in a terrible spot to see anything. We were right by the road, but the floats were separated with way too much empty space between, and none of the bands we saw actually played anything in front of us. Autumn walked by as her father ran into the street to take a picture of her as though somehow being in a live mid-performance was better. She clutched her flag and marched ahead speechless, because that’s my luck. Overall the parking experience was less bad than I anticipated, but the parade was significantly worse than I expected. I hate them. I hate them all.

Summer was hungry, so we ate at Stoby’s before we headed home. A rollercoaster of anxiety and anger, followed by a downward spiral into madness for the evening. But I picked up Into the Breach for the Switch and played a tutorial round, and it looks freaking awesome. So there’s that to look forward to. I also picked up tickets for They Shall Not Grow Old for Dad and myself, which I’m excited to watch.

Pageantry is child abuse!

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Wild Deal Chasing

Summer got up and hit the gym. I finished a bunch of mashed potatoes and stuffing from several weeks ago. Both were accomplishments in their own way.

Once I was ready, I picked Summer up at her house and we went to Gamestop to do some Christmas shopping for the quiz bowl team’s adopted Whirlwind. They didn’t have any Nintendo 64 stuff, so we went to Game X Change and picked up a console, a couple games, and an extra controller. From there, we headed to PetSmart to look around. Summer got some turtle food, and I drooled over more aquarium stuff. I spent a good amount of time trying to accumulate enough in purchases to use my $10 off $50 coupon, but in the end I found myself frustrated with the higher prices negating the savings of the coupon, and I put everything back.

We were both pretty hungry at that point, so I ordered some snacks from Sonic that we picked up on the way back to her house. The girls arrived shortly after we did, and Autumn packed a bag for her grandparents’ place since she has a blood sugar test in the morning. Mom made curry for dinner, so Eaddie and I headed that way while Summer dropped Autumn off.

Eaddie said she had just eaten and wasn’t too hungry, but she still enjoyed some curry. Summer went a little light, but I went back a couple extra times. Then it was back to my house for the evening. Eaddie took a shower before we all sat down and watched a couple episodes of The Office before bed.

Hang on a sec. Your mom and I are trying to have a fight!

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Home Sweep Home

Summer and I got up and played some more Torchlight II this morning. I put on The Christmas Chronicles for the girls while they munched on whatever they could find for breakfast. Eaddie still wasn’t feeling the best, but she pretty well kicked it by the end of the day. Evidently she had a rough night though, and I had to get my carpet/upholstery cleaner for her bed.

While I was at home, I started up some laundry, cleaned up after the cats, and did some work on the aquariums. I didn’t get to visit PetSmart like I wanted, but I guess it was just as well. I don’t have the time or space to put much more effort into my tanks anyway. I got to a stopping point and headed back to Summer’s with the cleaner, then went to my parents’ house with Julie for some leftovers.

After dinner, I headed back home and did some more laundry and picking up. There’s still so much more to do. I also got a reminder that I have to call Sunday night to find out what day I have to go to Little Rock for what I’m assuming is jury duty selection. I’m tired of coming back home to so much anxiety.

At least I was successful in my controlled laundry shrinking experiment.

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Tough Pill

Just after I fell asleep, I was woken up by a call from someone looking for pills. It took me a little while to fall asleep after that nonsense, but I managed. I seem to remember having a few weird dreams though.

We didn’t really have any group projects today, but Ben wanted to go over some phone documentation with me so I’d have a clue what’s going on. Nobody else is at all interested, and I’m still trying to sponge up everything I can. Brain to marshmallow fluff, that got me almost to lunch.

Dale, Zach, Jason, and I went to Morelos for lunch. That made two days of Mexican in a row, but it was good. I had the chili verde lunch special, and it was awesome even if I missed having the salad extras they include with fajitas.

I spent the afternoon at Oakland fixing a few things, but mostly socializing before everyone left for Thanksgiving break. Then I wrapped up with about half an hour at the shop with everyone before we left a little early.

Once home, I had a couple beers and watched my Rocket League solo rank drop some more. Seriously, those silvers are pulling off some crazy moves. I feel like things have changed since I last played competitive solo very much. It wasn’t too long before Summer was home and wanted me to pick up some chicken strips for dinner, so I ran by KFC on the way up, and we wrapped up the night with an episode of Stranger Things, followed by a couple odder episodes of The Office.

Huggy time!

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Call Me When It’s Over

I started off trying to finish up my printer work this morning, but was interrupted when Ben called to see if I could look at the junior high’s phone system with him. He had just gotten to my office when I noticed an email from my counselor at Oakland about an issue during Aspire testing. I failed to create calendar entries for the testing dates and completely forgot that it was happening today, so I had to drop everything and go there to sit on my hands after she resolved the issue by restarting the devices.

I sat mostly useless until lunch time when Jason texted me directly asking about lunch. I assumed he needed someone to go with so he wouldn’t be lonely, so I let him talk me into Fat Daddy’s in London, but when I got to the shop, he and Allen were outside waiting for me to pick them up. I ate some overly heavy nachos that left me dissatisfied, and then made it back to Oakland for afternoon testing.

When that finally wrapped up, I headed back to the office and tried to absorb as much information as I could from Ben as he showed me a bit about the Avaya system. I felt completely lost and overwhelmed, but I know I’m going to have to become intimate with that stuff sooner than later, so I soldiered on. After school let out, he and I went to the junior high to finish what we tried to start in the morning. Once he figured that out, he came to help with my printer issue, which we ultimately gave up on, and resolved manually on each machine.

After work, I headed home to gather things for the conference before heading to Summer’s for the evening.

‘Til you died, but you’re still alive.

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Today’s Theme: Internal Conflict

I haven’t felt even close to 100% all day, and there’s always some thing or another gnawing at my brain. I had quite a bit of trouble getting out of bed this morning, but finally made my way to Oakland to play catch-up from the end of last week.

When I got back to the Gardner building, I wandered upstairs to check out the maintenance guys’ progress on gutting the auditorium seating. They were tearing everything out to haul to the scrap yard. I had, and still have strong urges to salvage a couple rows of seating to build a proper home theater. They told me to take all I wanted, but in the end I told Wesley I wouldn’t take any because I have too many higher priority projects that I’m already having trouble starting.

It would have been a pretty amazing opportunity to restore some of those seats, and they were infinitely customizable. I could have built a multi-level seating area and had a real home theater with as many seats as I could physically fit. In the end, I had to make the tough choice not to get any because I wasn’t sure that aligned with the best possible endgame – not to mention simply not having any more physical storage for something like that. Still, it felt like such a shame to let it go to scrap metal.

Insides in knots from my decision to pass up on the seating, I went to Taco John’s to redeem a reward for a combo meal. At least lunch was free today. Then I spent the afternoon at the junior high picking at random work orders to close.

After work, I went to Walmart to try Ronda’s suggestion of haggling with a manager for the electric lawn mowers. I was again conflicted, asking myself why I was there to buy a lawn mower at all. I hadn’t even mowed my lawn in years, but depending on where you look, they were originally $478, $358, or $250. The local store had them for $199.99, and with only two left, I had some dire need to have them both for under $200. They called a CSM out to help, and she said she could only do $300 for the pair. I started to text Summer for feedback, and she came down to $275, then just as quickly to $250 for both, which I accepted. I guess this was my motivation to start mowing.

From there, I went to Summer’s for some leftovers before heading home for the night. That was when I realized that the manager had actually scanned two of the gas powered mowers on my receipt, and had the maintenance guy load one of each into my car. It was an easy mistake to make with the way they were stacked on the shelf, so I guess I’ll have to go back tomorrow to correct it. It’ll be interesting to see if I can talk them into giving me a refund on top of the exchange to get my price below $200 like I wanted.

Josh, Aaron, and Justine were online when I sat down at the computer, so I played a couple really quick rounds of PUBG with them before heading to bed. With any luck, I won’t keep myself up by thinking about all those theater seats going to waste.

Where do you see yourself in five years?