Tag: anxiety

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I’ve Got a Package for You

I don’t know how, but I lost about 15 minutes this morning somewhere. At least it was nice weather, so I picked the Grom for the day. Today was the day for people to come and fetch me from my office. First it was a needy one from down the hall, and then it was maintenance from opposite ends of the campus. They came and got me while I was on the phone with Becky talking about her impromptu retirement and move to Asurion. We walked for what seemed like forever, but I did get to see the balcony at the Center in all its pitch blackness. The office makes for a nice, spooky hideaway. Once I fixed that wireless issue, it was off to the arena for more of the same, plus some printer fudging.

Lunch was there before I knew it, and I squeaked out just in time to catch Allen and Gary heading to McDonald’s. I tried the Bacon Big Mac after fighting with their WiFi and app for a while, and I was quite pleased with it. It didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks either, which was odd and satisfying.

When I got back to the high school, I dug into some software and got to brag about how smartly I created an uninstallation/upgrade package. Feelsgoodman.jpg

I rode home and unboxed a huge package from Amazon with a bunch of Tide PODS and aquarium goodies. The hang-on breeding boxes seemed really great, so I set one up for a betta in the bathroom, and then netted out three cherry shrimp to move to the Imagitarium. It seems like I lost several more of them, but it’s possible they’re just hiding really well in all the vegetation. Summer and Eaddie came over as soon as they could after their trip around town. Autumn had another appointment in Little Rock before a football game tonight, and Summer had to go by the shop to take care of some things at the end of the day.

Tech’s Family Night was happening at the train depot, and Summer wanted to go for the announcement of the winners of Paint the Town Green and Gold. The food truck selection was abysmal, but I managed an Old Post Bar-B-Q sandwich with great success. Eaddie went blue with some shaved ice. We weren’t there too long before we spotted a furry playing with any dog it could find. Then it was time for the announcements. Summer won Best New Participant with her painting and crushed cars at Superfast, and she was so excited to run up on stage.

We didn’t stick around for the pep rally since Eaddie had homework and I’m pretty sure we all hate pep rallies. It was back to my house until Autumn finished with the band. Summer started falling asleep on the couch while Eaddie spent like seventy two hours writing a single paragraph. I worked on the aquariums a bit more until they left and I got ready for bed myself.

I simply cannot express to you in words how low of a priority this is for me.

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On the Subject of Drowning

I got out a bit early this morning to bring Doug home after dropping his car off at the Cogswell Collision Center. He had a little fender bender the other day and asked me to give him a ride back. I actually made it to work just a few minutes late, which I thought was pretty impressive. It was all downhill from there.

All day I felt like I was just scattered and scrambling to make sense of it all. Ultimately I got several things closed out, but I’m still getting covered up with work orders and I haven’t had a chance to touch any of the 1:1 devices. The stack of repairs isn’t getting any shorter, and the anxiety is mounting. I didn’t even take a lunch, and opted for a bit of Soylent halfway through the day instead. It got me to the end of the day without too much trouble, which I guess was ideal.

Eaddie took the bus to the high school so I wouldn’t have to get her from the shop, and we went to my parents’ house for more spring rolls. I helped slice up the smoked pork and shrimp while Eaddie played on her phone. We didn’t waste any time, and ate as soon as everything was ready. Julie came by and finished up her beef spring rolls too.

I decided to take Eaddie out for ice cream after dinner, and we settled on Bocadillos for something different. She got an ice cream cone with mint chocolate and Nutella. I got a churro with strawberry cheesecake ice cream. It was all delicious and expensive. Then we stopped by my house so I could change before making our way to their house for the night. Summer spent all evening at Tech for some kind of involvement fair, so we made another stop to get her some Taco John’s for dinner. I was upset to hear they “couldn’t do Potato Olés” for some reason, but I don’t think they charged the whole combo price either.

It sounds like they’re still shaking things up at Splash, so it’ll be exciting to see what happens next. Right now all I can think about is my pillow.

House slippers in the summer just make me sweat.

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Ah, the Old Bait-and-Switch

Ben and I were supposed to go take care of a few older pending things at the high school today, but instead I ended up getting a scolding for not listing things on GovDeals during our busiest time of the year as we drove to the junior high to do just that. I definitely never meant for Heather to feel any anxiety about what was left, but it just didn’t seem like a priority to me when she was coming into the job not knowing how to do most of it anyway. I did feel tremendously guilty for not having my things out first, but I also felt an obligation to wait for Dale to leave before I started shuffling things around. The entire ordeal just kind of felt like a big mess to me, and I’ve felt nothing but bad about it all for the several months it’s been since I had been advised of the changes.

In any case, he and I spent all morning cleaning up her office before we went to Bocadillos for lunch. He had never been, and like the rest of my week, nothing at all sounded good to me. I almost feel like a tiny part of me has died and is just over food altogether. I’m sure that won’t last, but it’s a weird feeling at the moment.

After lunch, we finished up with what we were doing and then grabbed a bunch of phones to deliver to vo-tech. We didn’t realize – and nobody could tell us – that they had already delivered all of the phones to the campus, and even set them in place for the most part, which was another aggravation of mine. You’d think the project manager would have known, or at least would have sent the same crew to complete the job so they could report accurately what had been done. That’s not how we do things though.

I left work a bit late after all of that, never having the chance to complete any of my work. I went by Summer’s shop to see her, but she was super busy. The girls were there, but they didn’t seem bothered by my presence either. I ended up just slowly uninstalling a bunch of old crap from the shop’s laptop to try and help its poor performance. When it was all over, I felt so sweaty from just existing there that I had to go home to dry off.

I started immediately on just about anything I thought I could accomplish. I cleaned up some email, did some research, cleaned up some things, paid some bills, and finally made it to Summer’s house just in time for absolutely nothing. Everyone was asleep and I kind of wished I had just stayed home where I could have at least continued cleaning while I was still in the mood. Instead, I sat in the dark for my evening routine and eventually went to bed.

How dissatisfying.

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Church Rush

I couldn’t sleep very late this morning, possibly because of how bright it got in my room. I was still pretty tired though, so we laid around for a while before I got up and around. Summer headed out first while I got showered and everything, and then I went to pick her up for lunch. I hate going out on Sundays because of how busy everybody is, and the fact that many restaurants raise their prices for it. Chinese did sound good though, so we landed at New China where it actually didn’t seem that bad. I ran into Ian there, which got the adrenaline going a bit, but it was still good to see him.

We went back to Summer’s for a bit after we ate, and didn’t get back out until we had to go to Harbor Freight. Summer needed some things for the shop, so I brought the coupon game. The girls’ father dropped them off for us there, so we got to split the transaction three ways for maximum savings. I didn’t really get anything I wanted, but nothing I wanted was very urgent anyway. From there we went to Lowe’s so Summer could look for a shop vac and so I could pick up some paver stones on which to park the sailboat so the tires won’t keep sinking into the earth.

Lastly we stopped by Walmart so the girls could pick up a last couple school supplies, and then we went back to their house so they could do some cleaning before dinner. I fried up some chicken for them to make sandwiches, and then I headed home to do some more laundry before the first week of school. Thankfully I think I’ve gotten most of the mentally draining stuff out of the way, so tomorrow I should just be able to crush the bulk of my work orders. I’m still not looking forward to re-running cable for Ethan, but I fully plan on enlisting his help for that.

They’re like tiny machines that turn spinach into poop.

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It’s a Match?

Allen and I were sent off to do some finishing work at Crawford today. Evidently Jason had trouble toning out a line the other day, so I had to do it. The second task was to set up a touch USB line over Cat-5, and it was actually already set up, but plugged into the wrong port. All of that took us until lunch time, but I think most of the truly heavy lifting was giving relationship advice to Allen.

The two of us went to Wind Taste for lunch, so I’ll owe him lunch again. Then the afternoon was spent with Jason cleaning up and rearranging rooms at Center Valley. They got new cubbies and cabinets in several of the rooms, which necessitated some cable relocation. We were overstaffed with three, and with Jason we didn’t even have all of the equipment we needed in one trip, so I had to run back to town once, and then we’ll have to go again tomorrow.

After work, I rode home and waited for Summer to drop Eaddie off, and we watched a couple episodes of Daredevil. When Summer got back from the gym, we went to my parents’ house for dinner, and that pretty well burned up the last bit of the day. Eaddie and I finished the evening with one more episode, and then it was bedtime.

As I started my evening routine, I noticed an email from match.com confirming a new account setup. Having never even visited the site before, my internal alarms started going off, and I immediately went through the process of “forgetting” the password so I could gain control of the account. There didn’t seem to be any profile information there, and it wasn’t even set up with my name – only my email address. Evidently I was a male seeking another male in Colorado. Once I gained control of the rogue account, I shut it down and went on to bed. I have to admit I was a little curious what would have happened if I had left it open for a day, because it appeared as though they require some kind of review process before anything is actually posted to your profile, so it’s possible there was some information provided for it. I’m fine with not existing as a weird, gay impostor on the internet.

This is a weird form of identity theft.

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Quality Time

Summer had to work this morning. I got up after she left and went home to clean up before going to check Autumn out of band camp. Luckily I went up the right flight of stairs and ran right into her, so checkout was painless. I signed a piece of paper “Adult” and nobody cared who I was, but I completed the job.

From there, I went to get Eaddie and Summer, and we came back for Autumn’s concert. Dad texted me just after we sat down, so I had him meet us there as well. Autumn made the first band and even had a song introduction, but she struggled really badly between the anxiety and some of the words. The band was otherwise pretty good though, and afterward I took Summer back to work and the girls to Cicis for lunch.

We ate a bunch, then went to my parents’ house to swim for a while until Summer got out of work. Then we ran by Walmart for a couple things, and I scoped out a deal on a patio furniture set. We headed back up to their house and relaxed there for a bit before Autumn and I went back to Walmart for some hot dogs, and I went ahead and picked up one of the furniture sets.

I broke a pretty good sweat trying to fit the thing into the back of the Murano, and even more of a sweat outside trying to get the thing out of the box. Sylvia came over for dinner and to chat with Summer for a bit. I got two chairs built, but not before both of them decided to come inside away from the bugs. She didn’t stick around for very long though, and the others started crashing pretty quickly after she left. Eaddie and I stayed up watching Daredevil again, and we started getting into some of the cliffhanger episodes. Eventually I started falling asleep on the couch though, so I had to call it quits.

Knot what I was trying to do, but it did the trick.

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Well Hot Doggie!

We got up this morning and I started picking at leftover pizza. Summer took Eaddie to the gym, and after Autumn and Noah finished their game of Magic, we headed toward my parents’ house.

The first stop was Noah’s house so he could get what he needed for his job interview at Western Sizzlin. Then we stopped by Neighborhood Market for stuff to grill for dinner. It was a pretty tense stop, with way more anxiety than I was prepared for. We made it out as quickly as possible, but still not quickly enough.

Once at my parents’ house, Dad started Noah on mowing the back yard. When Summer and Eaddie got there, they swam for a little while until Noah finished, and we let him cool off with us for a little while until Summer had to take him to his interview. Then Autumn started mowing her half of the front yard while Eaddie picked up sticks, and then Eaddie finished up.

I got the hot links, cheddar jalapeño smoked sausages, beef franks, and Polish sausages grilled, along with the corn and asparagus. They had some bacon grease saved, so I used it with the asparagus, which turned out pretty tasty, though not as bacony as I expected. It was a pretty satisfying dinner overall, and afterward the others went to swim for a bit longer until it was time to go.

Noah’s interview ended up being an actual first day and orientation, as they had already decided to hire him based on his cousin’s referral. He’s really excited to start, but didn’t think to ask off for Spider-Man: Far From Home next weekend. Everyone else seems to think that asking off now would be bad form, so I guess he can be an adult now and figure it out for himself.

I stopped by Julie’s house to deliver some fish sauce and an onion, and then by my house to take care of some things. While I was there, I pulled the little fuzzy caterpillar that had ridden outside the car all the way from my parents’ house, and stuck him in a little container with some leaves. Finally it was off to Summer’s for the evening.

A murder most foul.

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Bring the Heat

We got up early this morning after a pretty good night of sleep. Summer went to pick up Autumn and get Eaddie ready for her concert. Dependable Air Conditioning made it out to fix her A/C, and just finished right as I got there after my own shower. We had just enough time to get to Tech to attend Eaddie’s band camp concert, which was held at the Doc Bryan lecture hall since Witherspoon was closed for renovations.

Eaddie made second chair in the symphonic band, so I think they were the last to play. It was a little crazy coming in, but by the end, I walked out of the room and out of the building without anyone else around. It was probably a bit chaotic once the kids got outside with their parents, but I was happy to wait patiently in the car. Once everyone came out, we took the girls to The 3D Cafe in the old Dixie Cafe building. The fries were weird, thick curls of potato that seemed to be fried from a frozen package. We got some chili cheese fries as an appetizer, and then I had a fish and shrimp basket, Summer had a deli sandwich, Autumn had a burger, and Eaddie had a moist grilled chicken sandwich. Everything was delicious, but I thought the portions were a bit small.

When we got back to the house, it had cooled down nicely. Summer had Eaddie start cleaning the house while she mowed the lawn and Autumn and I went to get groceries for dinner. On the way, I remembered that PetSmart was having a Reptile Roundup with coupons and a free mini “habitat” that was a derpy looking cardboard lizard in a plastic tub with some sand in it. We were there right at the end of the event, but still nobody was around the table at all. I stood there until one of the guys came by, and I asked to make one. Autumn was only focused on a kitten and refused to make one. I loved it though.

Finally we went to Walmart to get what we needed for dinner. I didn’t stray from the list too much, but I did choose to run home for some Gatorade instead of buying more powder there. Travis had to cancel coming over for Catan, so on the way back to Summer’s, I picked up some more zucchinis so we could feed my parents instead. Summer made little canoe-shaped boats out of the zucchinis that were cut the long way, and then cooked up some ground beef into meat balls. I boiled the potatoes for mashing, and we took everything to my parents’ house to assemble.

When we got there, Summer loaded the meatballs and I covered them all with pizza sauce and cheese before sticking them all in the oven. They turned out really well, and everyone seemed to really like them. I had trouble with the concept at first, which was difficult to wrap my own head around since I really liked all of the individual components of the meal. I just didn’t care much for the combination. After I finished one, I had gotten a taste for it though, so I had another before I went out with Summer and Autumn to swim.

It eventually started to look like lightning was coming in, so we dried off and came back inside. It started to rain quite a bit before we could get out, but after a few more minutes of waiting, we made it home. Everyone was completely exhausted, so everyone made it to their bedrooms pretty quickly.

That’s one derpy lizard. I love him.

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May I Present to You…

We slept in a bit today since I didn’t really plan on seeing the opening keynote speakers. Breakfast had me feeling a bit off though, which made me a couple minutes late, which in turn made it awkward for me to walk into the first class I was thinking of attending. I ended up finding Ben in his booth for ARKSTE and chatted with him for a bit before making a round through the vendors and eventually finding my way to Esports 101 by the presumably unlikely ByteSpeed.

Fortunately that session ended up being wonderful, and in fact, one of the best I’ve ever attended. The guy was a former esports coach at the collegiate level, and you could tell he both really knew his stuff, and also wasn’t necessarily there just to sell us something. He definitely gave me some ideas for practice that I’ll have to use, assuming this thing ever gets off the ground for me.

My presentation was next after a bit of a break. I followed Adrian in the same room we were in before, and setup couldn’t have been easier for what I needed to do. I had a small crowd, including one guy that didn’t even know what esports are. It was small enough to be a little intimate, and my jokes were received well, so overall I thought it was a success. We actually used up the hour, which was my primary concern, and our conversations kind of floated from Discord to esports in general. All I can do is hope that tomorrow’s session will go as well.

I went to one more session before heading out. Summer came back to pick me up a bit early and was waiting outside, so I ran out after retrieving the laptop power supply I had forgotten in the classroom. Then we stopped by Dick’s to try and find something cheap to earn me the last point I needed for another reward certificate. Once we got that, we headed back to the hotel so she could get ready for dinner.

We met Ben in the lobby and had a few minutes to kill over beer, wine, burgers, and brats. I hadn’t eaten lunch and was pretty hungry, but I didn’t want to kill my appetite right before dinner, but I also didn’t want to be super hungry in case we ended up waiting for another couple hours to get our food in such a big group.

Dinner was at the same Back Porch Grill as last night, so we were welcomed back with open arms. I had the red fish this time, which was excellent. After trying Summers Cajun ribeye, I did have a taste for steak, but I still left satisfied. Summer did some work on some wine and wanted to go back to the room, so we dropped her off before heading to The Porterhouse for the ARKSTE party. I stuck to tea, and we spent most of the time chatting with a couple techs from Conway. The karaoke room was too loud, and the dining room was too old, so we stood by the bar like hip young men and got in the way of servers and ladies wishing to visit the loo.

None of us in our group won a door prize, and then they shut the thing down and we went out the back door. It was a quick trip back across town, and off to bed for one last day. I present early, and I need my beauty rest after today.

The eagle has landed.

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Winner, Winner, HSTI Dinner!

I had an absolutely terrible fit trying to sleep last night. I climbed up into the window to try and mask the street light right outside our window, and only just barely got it too dark to read inside. My heart raced, and I had all kinds of anxiety about waking up early enough to get to my preconference meeting. After what felt like no sleep at all, I got up and ready, woke Summer up, and we went down for breakfast.

Ultimately I made it in plenty of time. Breakfast was fast, traffic wasn’t bad, and even parking that early for a preconference day was easy. The class was pretty good, but I think the biggest thing I got out of it was seeing the number of schools that were not only competing, but already had fully funded labs. It’s frustrating still waiting to see if I’ll even get paid for it in the future, since I’ve already volunteered all of last semester.

Lunch was cold, cold burgers and surprisingly good hot dogs in the cafeteria where I sat alone until another group of people spilled over into the seats by me. I have always, and still struggle getting to know individuals, so I didn’t actually talk to any particular person long enough to hunt them down for a lunch buddy. It wasn’t bad, and may have even been better since I kept getting mustard in weird places like some kind of man child that had never eaten food before.

We finished up early in the afternoon, so I headed back to the hotel and caught Summer exploring outside. We went up to the room so I could change, then went for a walk down the street, marveling at the near-million-dollar homes along the water. It really is the best of both worlds, being close to nature, but still having access to broadband internet.

Back in the room, we watched the end of The Amazing Spider-Man and the beginning of the new, dark Fantastic Four before leaving for dinner with Next Step. We went into The Back Porch Grill as relative strangers, but ended up sitting with a pretty good, chummy group of folks. It was a good time, and the conversation was casual and topical enough that Summer had plenty to talk about as well. I’d hate to even see the bill, but needless to say we all left with full bellies.

Charlie hitched a ride with us to Woody’s Big Party at Terry Martin’s bar, where things got a bit crazier than I’ve seen at other conferences. Summer had never seen anything like it, so it was a good experience for her to have, even if it was only educational. The craziest thing to happen was with the door prizes though. Those guys running the show were rowdy, and drew the whole thing out forever. Summer and I both had winning, sequential tickets. First I got up for a tiny Bluetooth JBL speaker and wall power splitter. Then at the end we won the grand prize, which was a new Lenovo Chromebook.

We split after that, heading straight back to the hotel and to bed to hopefully get a good night’s sleep before the regular conference starts tomorrow.

FREE STUFF!!!!!