Tag: anxiety

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I Have Reservations About This

It was more bike weather today. I started off at the shop and got to spend some time in a room with Gary, and I felt smarter for it. I hope I’ll have some time to hang out with him over summer projects, because there’s still so much I want to learn. The trick is to be around for his projects and not the busy work that I normally get assigned to because I’m actually willing to work.

When I finally left the shop, I spent some time at Oakland taking care of a few things before heading back to go to Chick-fil-A for lunch. It tasted better than average, but it was still expensive. I’ll take a deal at Wendy’s over full price at Chick-fil-A every day of the week.

I spent the afternoon at the junior high trying to clean up a bit, but I didn’t get a whole lot accomplished. I did get to flex my math skills a bit by using known component measurements to find the unknown angle of a TV that Jessica wanted to mount outside the library. After that, I got to use Google Assistant with Duplex to make a dinner reservation at Pasta Grill for Mom’s birthday. The assistant asked everything from how many people were coming, to what name and contact number she should give the restaurant. Ronda said it seemed like it would have been faster just to call myself, but she missed the whole point of not having to talk to people myself. A robot did all the work for me. The only thing it lacked was a transcript or recording of the call. I would have loved to hear the transaction. About 15 minutes later, I got the notification and an email that my reservation was confirmed!

I finished up at the shop, enrolling the Chromebits Jessica got for her TVs. Then I ran home to clean up for dinner. Summer and the kids beat me there since I stopped for gas, and then we headed to Pasta Grill.

Julie beat us there and confirmed that the reservation was made. I couldn’t find anyone that knew anything about the call, so I guess I’ll have to try again when Erica is working. I’m glad it worked, but I want to experience the other end of it so badly. I’m such a nerd.

After dinner, I came home and started some laundry while I messed with the fish a bit. I don’t want to move Blue since she’s built a bubble nest and is actually floating her eggs, but I did get some snails moved to the kitchen. I want to clean up the 55-gallon, but I’ve got too many other things I need to do this weekend. I’ve felt exhausted for a few weeks now though, and summer is only going to make it worse with the heat. I just have anxiety about feeling behind all the time now.

Too many things!

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Evasive Tax Form

The weather was supposed to be nice again today, but it was still super cold on the bike in the morning. I went back and forth between Oakland and the shop a few times trying to fix some issues before testing season arrives. It was still a mostly mellow morning though. I did run into Michael, who asked about borrowing my home theater speakers for a Dancing Through the Decades dance in a couple weeks. I just didn’t feel comfortable loading them up and bringing them out for use in public though.

I met Zach and Allen at Morellos for lunch, where I vowed to eat too many chips. I had been hungry all morning, and I absolutely loaded myself with fajitas and chips. Allen left us super early as usual, and Zach and I both still got to the shop separately, and well before our lunch hour was over. I really don’t know what his anxiety is about.

I tried to get some tablets reset at the junior high before school let out, but I didn’t get them all done before Jason wanted Brice and me to help Amanda mount a touch panel. At first I thought we were all four going to be there, but evidently he helped Amanda deliver the touch panel, and we were to swap it with a previously mounted television and then bring that back to the shop. I got pretty annoyed at Brice, because Jason emailed us early in the morning with a scheduled time of 3:00, so I left my tablets unfinished to meet at the shop. Brice took an extra 30 minutes to get there, and then we still had to drive to the middle school. On top of that, Gary seemed to be bored at the shop, and Ben was going to be at the middle school to continue his walkthrough. It just felt like everyone was either already there or available to help, and I was annoyed that I couldn’t get my work done. It didn’t help that I was mad at myself for forgetting to complete a work order yesterday, but I really didn’t get any heads-up for that one anyway.

After work, I came home to gather some things before going to Lowe’s to hunt down some light bulbs. I didn’t even see a compatible LED like I’ve been getting from Walmart, but they had one single-pack incandescent for a little more than the LEDs cost. Hopefully it won’t burn out after just a couple days though. I wish I knew what the problem was. I went ahead and picked up a new fluorescent bulb for the 35 gallon bow-front tank as well since it’s been out for years. There were only a couple cashiers, and after waiting in line for quite a while, my guy couldn’t scan a gift card correctly and I ended up getting out of line to check the balance. Once I confirmed what I knew, I got back into the next shortest line and checked out without incident.

I finally made it up to Summer’s for just a spot of dinner and to visit. They had already eaten since I was still a bit full from lunch anyway. Summer and I went to the other room to talk about her offer from the shop, and I tried to help her calculate the value of her time. It really could go either way, depending on her negotiation. The best part is just that she has multiple options for now and in the future, so I tend not to fret too much over her choice. I spent a bit of time trying to buy tickets for Shazam, but had to give up after I met a hidden order limit that required a call to guest services to explain.

Eventually I headed back home for the evening and tried to take care of the aquariums a bit. Once that was done, I spent the rest of the night cleaning with the purpose of finding my W-2. I just couldn’t find it anywhere, and I started to get really aggravated. I felt good about getting so much stuff cleaned up and thrown out, but I was going crazy not remembering where I had put it. Eventually I found it in the living room, but didn’t have enough time to actually file my taxes. I guess there’s still tomorrow.

At least I got my watch shipped off.

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Compounded Interests

I didn’t sleep great last night because I kept waking up to pee, and I assume it was due to how much I ate, and possibly how much salt was in it. Grey was also laying right in the center of the bed, so I just snuggled up next to her as gently as I could. She really didn’t move all night, and only sat up a couple times when I got up.

Rachel never got back to me with a time to chat about esports, and I didn’t want to pester her about it since I figured she was busier than I was. I just kind of tried to stay loosely available in case she ever did say anything. Zach, Sara, Heather, and I went to Morelos for lunch where I broke from my traditional lunch fajitas for some nachos. My food came out really fast, but the service was otherwise abnormally slow. I don’t recall ever getting a refill on my water, and our salsa ran out much too early. It was still good though, and we made it back with plenty of time to spare.

I spent much of the afternoon trying to convince everyone else that we should create a Director of Esports position for me, since directors don’t necessarily require a teaching certification. I keep getting more and more of a feeling that this won’t turn out in my favor as much as I’m hopeful for it to, but really only time will tell. In the meantime, I suppose it’s up to me to expand this to the high school as quickly as possible. I did get some news back from HSTI regarding my proposed presentation. I’m a bit hyped up about it in spite of Ben’s response that they almost always have lots of extra room and that he would have been really surprised if they didn’t accept me. If nothing else, it’s just more experience to gain and a story to tell.

When I got home, I got Grey to eat a handful of treats and some gravy again, but she was noticeably weaker. I’ll have to call the vet tomorrow to see if they’ll even be open during spring break, or if I’ll have to try and squeeze her in tomorrow to avoid any more distress.

Feeling exhausted and spread a bit thin, I managed to do a couple quick water changes before running to Walmart for potluck ingredients. I ran into Amanda there, and we chatted for just a bit and made lunch plans for next week. Then I came home and prepared the kitchen well enough to cook some broccoli, rice, and cheese in the morning. Hopefully waking up and jumping right into the action will get me moving enough that I won’t feel too exhausted.

If I keep saying it, eventually it must become true!

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The Interview of a Lifetime

I woke up this morning congested with all kinds of crud, but felt just barely well enough to get home and showered before work. I went to the shop to call Rachel so she could coach me for my interview with Travis at The Courier. We joke about it a lot at work, but it was kind of funny to hear someone actually tell me in an official capacity that my role was to promote the district and myself as the esports coach. Obviously we’re selling something here, but some of our guys give it such negative light because it seems like it’s the same few people parading about as though they have some idea what’s going on, and those are the ones that always seem to get paid the most while the hard-at-work get whatever pickings are left.

I had only just made it to the junior high when Ben said we could meet up with Johnny. I did a quick work order, and then went to meet them. As if it was to be a day of only poor timing, I no sooner shook Johnny’s hand than Ben asked me to drive across campus to pick him up. We eventually got settled in, and Johnny had a lot more to say and lead the conversation than I expected. I actually didn’t even really break out the list of questions I had been curating, particularly after he got to the point where he said classified staff likely wouldn’t be payable in a coaching role. There are loopholes that we may be able to jump through, and different things that may be possible to offset my time out, but it seems like things are going to have to change quite a bit before what actually happens aligns with that which is right.

We wrapped that meeting up with just barely enough time for me to make my way to The Courier, where I met up with Travis, who I hadn’t seen in a decade. He was relatively cold, direct, and straight to the point, but relatively professional given our history. I still don’t quite know his angle on the story after trying to answer the questions he had for me, but I’ll have to trust that he’ll continue the “good relationship” Rachel spoke to me about earlier in the day. When it was all said and done, Joshua took my headshot and walked me out.

From there, I went to a late lunch. Solo, melancholy, free grand slam at Denny’s, as years and years past. I think it was good after a bit of a nerve racking few days. Nobody else from the team even mentioned lunch.

The afternoon flew by pretty quickly, and I found myself rushing to get back to the junior high for esports practice. Kids poured in like never before, and I ended up with one more student than computers. I’m not sure where they went, but at some point it evened out. I don’t know if maybe someone’s parents showed up, or what. I’m not even sure how responsible I am for that at this very volunteer point in time. Gary stopped by for a while and was impressed. Then Joshua showed up to take some pictures. Our conversation went much better than the first time. I think Gary helped, as he is wont to do. The highlight of the entire day was talking to a father of a student, and hearing him say, “no son of mine is going to be a filthy casual!”

Validation to my ears!

That wrapped up my work day, so I went home to do what little housekeeping I could muster, then ran the birthday freebie gauntlet all the way to Summer’s. Three free sandwiches with the purchase of two drinks. Not too shabby.

Esports! Will It Turn Your Teenager into a Mass Murderer? Click here to read more!

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Persistent, innit?

We started this morning at the shop without too much news. I had testing, so I was out all day for that. Evidently the alternative was to do all the work running cables and hanging touch panels for Brice. I don’t know why anyone fights it, because he’s going to be our boss eventually anyway. I got another email from Travis about esports and continued to try and put together some kind of response for him. Even after I calmed myself down, it shocked me to hear from him again so soon. I guess nothing really would have prepared me better.

Dale and Allen called Pizza Hut for lunch, but after waiting for about five minutes for anyone to show up, I decided to meet Zach, Ben, and Amanda at La Plaza. What a mistake. It took them 40 minutes to get our food to us, and every single one of us got something wrong with our food. Then it took them several more minutes to check us out with barely an apology.

I finished up testing, then spent some time at the shop before heading home. I fed Grey some more wet food and sat in the floor with her for a while. Then Travis emailed me again at home. It was easier to respond in a personal way rather than through his Courier address, and we exchanged a few emails basically trying to ignore the history. He added me to Steam, we traded phone numbers, and then I headed to Summer’s.

I stopped by Oakland on the way because I forgot to get the squash and okra that Tammy brought me out of the lounge freezer. Summer warmed up some leftover pork chops and baked beans with potato salad. We ate, and I laid with her on the couch for quite a while before we came back to my house for the evening.

And so as you hear these words telling you now of my state

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Freesports

I was locked up at Oakland again today with a menial data entry task to keep me busy. The day actually went by pretty quickly, but it definitely wore on me. I enjoyed the break at Taco John’s with Dale and Allen. I talked myself into trying their quesadilla tacos for $too.much, and though they were good, they still felt like they should have been nearly half that price.

I finished up testing in the early afternoon, then got to pull the fire alarm on my way out. I stopped by the shop for just a few minutes, and then headed to the junior high to meet up for esports. I had nearly as many there as I did last Saturday, which was both good and bad considering there is still only one of me running the show, and I’m not having to put any effort into drawing people in. It will be nice to get some true answers on funding and AAA regulations, so hopefully Johnny gets back to me on having a meeting. At least Matt came by to see us this time.

I had to pick up the slack on a few work orders before I left since I haven’t really done any work at the junior high since the middle of last week. I’ve also gotten some criticism for my office lately, so I need to make time to clean that up as well. I simply don’t have enough hours in the day.

Summer went to Autumn’s band concert, but as late as I got home and as hungry as I was, I just stayed in and tried to take care of as much as I could there. Grey still didn’t seem to want to eat, and I assume she’s not eating dry food while I’m away. She’s not acting like she’s on her last legs, but she’s not acting well either. She won’t even perk up for gravy at this point.

The last of the evening was spent parsing through every photo I’ve taken since Summer and I went to the football game. There was no way I could pare it down to just 20 photos, but the end result of twice that many pages really seemed priceless anyway. I’ll always have the digital copies, but now my coffee table will have them too.

If Fi only had a heart!

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Testees

I really hardly did anything today, but it still seemed to go by pretty fast. Oakland started a week long session of all-day ELPA testing, and I’m being made to sit through the whole thing. I had just a couple of things come up there that I could work on, but the rest of the time I was burning through my phone battery. I was down under 40% battery well before school even let out.

I met Dale and Allen at Arby’s for lunch, but that was pretty uneventful. It was kind of nice to chat with Dale for a minute after Allen left though. On the way back, I stopped by the house to pick up my new Rocket League stickers from Sticker Mule.

I spent a little bit of time at the shop chatting with Ben before heading home to clean up. I had to stop by Walmart for some bacon on the way up to Summer’s for dinner, where she grilled pork chops and fried some potatoes and Brussels sprouts. After dinner, we watched an episode of Parks and Rec with the girls before they went to bed. Then I spent the rest of the evening contemplating esports and the Arkansas Activities Association. I never anticipated so much bureaucracy.

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Fly

Gary had to help get League of Legends to work again this morning. I guess they moved some DNS entries around on their update server, which broke SSL encryption for us again. I’m mostly just parroting words, though. He made the blinky thing workie again. Then he took me to the other basement.

I met Allen at KFC for too much food. I still wish they’d reinstall a tray rail along the buffet. They’re just asking for trouble without it. Then I spent the afternoon at the junior high contemplating organized sports. Being under the AAA umbrella means that players can only play for four years, which means 8th graders can’t actually compete. Fortunately that doesn’t seem to mess me up too badly, because I don’t think anybody has actually stepped up to play in the tournament yet. Matt wants to just throw a couple kids in, but all I see is throwing money into a hole.

After work, I wasn’t hungry enough for phở, so I skipped going to my parents’ house and went to Walmart in the rain to get Grey some wet food. On the way out I drove past a guy with no legs scooting himself across the parking lot between cars on a skateboard, so I’d say things are going pretty spectacularly for me.

Back home I got Grey to eat a little bit before trying to play a custom game of League of Legends with Kang against some bots. For some reason it ran horrendously on my computer, and I just left frustrated. I don’t understand why it drops so many frames, yet Overwatch, Rocket League, and even PUBG will run fine. Generally upset about my computer, I got up and did the dishes and then came back to play some Overwatch with Jack and Johnny, and then Clint after Johnny left. Still fewer wins than expected. Must be tired.

“I don’t listen to a whole lot of classic metal, but if I decided to explore it more, I would definitely listen to more Metallica.”

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Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

I had a decent start to the day, and managed to close out a few more work orders. I’m up to just 20 behind Amanda again, but I’ve got to keep on chugging along. I’m still not sure how she got nearly 100 more to beat me, but I’m going to assume it was work that wasn’t done properly before, and that had just caught up to her. Gary had time in the morning to help me get an email group made for esports, which made things a lot easier.

Zach, Sara, and I met at Taco Bell for a relatively light lunch. Then I made it to the junior high to take care of a few things before picking at a few more esports things. I have an account set up now for money, so I can start accepting donations and the like for kids to compete, or presumably purchase necessary equipment. I’m hoping I can get some donations by way of accessory sponsorships and swag giveaways, but I’ll probably need to clarify what is actually legal before I take too many actions.

After work, I ran home to clean up after the cats. While that was going, I pinched off a piece of Ludwigia and replanted it so I’ll hopefully grow an additional stem in the aquarium. It’s looking pretty nice the way it’s growing in, and I can’t wait to see how it does if I can ever find the time to start some CO2.

As soon as I finished those chores, I ran up to Summer’s to get Autumn to help grab a couple pizzas from Little Caesar’s. We pulled in just as Summer was leaving with hers, but we still had to wait a few minutes for ours to come out of the oven. We ate, and I finally got my first esports newsletter out to the members. I also selectively spammed a few key people with the hopes of catching a little bit of positive publicity. I really hope it goes well, but trying to enlist a proper team is proving difficult with such a short timeframe. To compound that, evidently I need to confirm that our school allows 8th and 9th grade students to compete in “high school” sports. It all seems like semantics to me, but in the end it’s just frustrating to everyone involved. It sure seems like a lot of work and money just to play a free-to-play game.

This is fine.

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Coach Brain

I spent virtually the entire day trying to compose an email. There was a lot of fact checking and gathering of second through 20th opinions as well. I truly shirked my tech duties all day for the sake of a solid esports launch. Even after all of that though, I still haven’t actually had my first after school meeting yet. All of this was just to send out a survey and set up a Discord. There are so many moving parts, and it’s great to be on the front and back end of the whole process, but it just means twice the work along with the glory.

Zach chose Morelos for us, so he and Sara drove while Allen and Brice rode with me. We made it there and back in plenty of time in spite of Allen’s whining. After lunch I was approved to unblock Discord from our firewall when, much to Gary’s sarcastic amusement, a certified teacher agreed that he told him so about classroom management being the issue and not the communication tool itself. School let out two hours early, but I made it to the junior high just in time to get everything set up for conferences.

It didn’t seem like there were a bunch of parents there, but I had several stop by my little area to talk about it. I handed out just a few more flyers, but most everyone that stopped by was at least a little bit aware of esports. Evidently there was something on the news about it last night, so it seemed like most of them expected it. Still, it was nice to get a little bit of face time along with a whole lot of validation from parents, teachers, and principals.

I finally left around 7:30 and went to my parents’ house for a leftover egg roll salad. Then it was home for the evening to play with Discord some more. I think, like everything else, I’m making it more complicated than it has to be.

I’ve decided that being called “Coach” is gross, and have promoted myself to the Director of Esports position.