Tag: anxiety

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Life Aquatic

I had a rough start this morning, but it worked itself out in the end. Summer was worried about poor weather, so we skipped going to Clarksville and went to the Russellville Aquatic Center instead. I was still coming out of my local anxiety, so I told them to go separately and met up with them a short bit later. When I got there, I didn’t realize she had already paid my way, and ended up paying separately. We couldn’t get a refund, but after a bit of rigmarole, we were able to spend the credit on concessions that weren’t obscenely overpriced.

It was an interesting place, but it’s hard to understand how Clarksville can have such a better one. There was a floating obstacle course the kids got to take turns running, but otherwise it wasn’t much more than a couple of indoor pools. It’s not surprising to see they’re having trouble keeping the lights on.

After the swim, I went to my parents’ house to take a look at their home theater receiver and TV. So far it seems like they have a couple bad HDMI ports from a surge or something, but I’ll have to mess around with it a bit more before I know for sure.

From there, I picked up some things from work, then made it up to Summer’s for dinner. She grilled some big, thick burgers, squash, and zucchini that all turned out great. We finished with the Game of Life, then settled in for an episode of Stranger Things before everyone was pretty well tuckered out for bed.

This is annoying.

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Once more, with feeling.

I may have fussed a bit this morning about always being on Team Lift. Jason broke down and said I could trade with noodle-armed Amanda if I wanted, but I didn’t want to do that to her. That shouldn’t have been my call to make. I ended up having to break away to fix something at the junior high anyway, so I had to catch up to the guys at the high school after that was done. We ended up hanging one TV twice because Dale wanted it higher after the fact. We only managed two inches higher, but every bit helped.

After hanging those TVs, we took a break for lunch. I started thinking it, and then Dale said it out loud – Western Sizzlin. We were on the same wavelength, so it was a done deal.

When we got back from lunch, and after a bit of arguing about Jason’s incorrect direction for the naming of Allen’s 90 new laptops, we touched every one of them again to correct them. I ended up hitting a wall, and nobody else was anxious to do any work as usual, so we rode it out until 3:00 and headed home.

I got home and was assaulted by anxiety-inducing emails and tried to mellow out with a couple beers. Such a wasted evening. I was tired anyway.

She’s done worse for only two inches.

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One Time at Band Camp

I got up this morning and had to get ready for Autumn’s band camp concert. I hadn’t been to one since my sister played the flute, so this was a bit of nostalgia mixed with a whole lot of anxiety. I made it out alive though, and we celebrated with La Huerta.

Summer insisted on mowing the lawn in the middle of the day, so I went to get her some Powerade, then went home to take care of my own house. I was so drowsy all afternoon that I had trouble staying awake, but I managed to get some stuff done. Summer and Eaddie came over once they were done, and I snooped around my breaker box for a bit to try and find the doorbell chime. I couldn’t ever get it to power down, so I’ll probably just kill the whole house tomorrow so I can install my Nest Hello.

They watched more of The Flash while I played some Overwatch with Clint and Jack until bedtime. Eaddie’s completely obsessed with the show, and I’m a little sad I didn’t get in on it with them, but there are plenty of other shows for me to watch.

Take two Advil and wake up in the morning.

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“We’re ready master.” “I’m not ready!”

Back to work. I woke up pleasantly ahead of schedule and made it to work a few minutes early. It was a pretty light day, with just a couple touch panels to install in the morning, and then the afternoon to myself at Oakland. I guess as far as coming back to work, this wasn’t too bad.

After work, I came home and set up my mini fridge. Summer came over to take me to meet Autumn at band camp for dinner, but I ended up not going. As I got the fridge set up to the point that I had to let it cool down, Mom texted for me to come clean up some leftover spring rolls. I ate and ran, coming home to fill the now-cool fridge with drinks. I ended up removing a couple shelves to get things to fit the way I wanted. It’s a silly convenience, but I like the way it looks with how it’s stocked.

Summer and Eaddie got here just as I was finishing up there, and we had some of Dad’s banana bread with ice cream before bed. I feel exhausted for what little I’ve done today.

I miss being away.

Adventure Time!

The Eaddiest Beattiest Birthday Party

We got to play real-life Tetris today, except none of the luggage disappeared when I got it perfectly loaded into the trunk of the Murano. I’m still not entirely sure how I got everything to fit. I think it was mostly the soft stuff that filled the odd empty spaces. I should invent amorphous luggage.

Once we got everything loaded up, we stopped by Boston Store in the mall to search for deals. I kept getting stuck on dress shirts and jackets, first because non-universal sizing is ridiculous, and then because even at 60% off, some of the prices were still super outlandish. I dig a brand-name thing occasionally, but not for the things I was finding. I did actually end up finding a great deal on a puffy Nautica coat and a Chromecast Ultra. I wished the store was closer to home so I could really spend some time there finding the best deals.

When we finished shopping, Eaddie decided she wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese’s for her birthday. It wasn’t quite as nostalgic as I thought it might be. I think it was mostly due to the location. It was, however, a great time once we got past the eating. They have a new system for gaming where you just get a certain amount of time instead of having to spend a finite number of tokens. I think the whole experience actually lost something for not having the tokens, but at least they kept paper tickets.

From there, we headed out of town, stopping by a Harbor Freight to pick up a locking hitch pin. We made it to Chicagoland in just about the amount of time Google Maps stated, and with only minimal cursing over toll roads. Overall I think I’m just glad we didn’t die while following other traffic at 20 over the limit. Years of offensive driving habits prepared me for this.

You can’t show people how many you are anymore!

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Pursuit of Trivia

It was mostly a pretty slow day at work. We spent most of it cleaning out computers at a few campuses. I spent a disproportionate amount of time driving when we had to visit London. Dale, Allen, and I met Summer at Ruby Tuesday for $5 salad bars. The service was pretty slow. I think only one of us ever got a refill at the table. Then the afternoon was more miscellany.

After work, I came home and started washing socks before getting ready to go to The Old Bank for trivia night. Summer wanted to meet up with Jenna, and we ended up joining forces with Summer’s Quiz Bowl cohort Johnny and a couple of his friends. It was a slow night for trivia with a substitute running the show. We placed third, and I wasn’t completely useless. My shining moment was being able to spell “szechuan.” We placed third.

All in!

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Is this trash?

It was kind of an odd day at work today. I had to run to Oakland first thing to take care of some summer school stuff. While I was there, I found my tadpoles were more frog than tadpole. I’m pretty sure they ended up being leopard frogs. They’re going to have to be released in a day or two.

When I finished there, I met Amanda, Dale, and Allen at the middle school to hang a TV and clean out computers. I basically ended up dusting out an entire computer lab before lunch. I met Allen at KFC, then went back with him and Amanda to finish hanging the TV and rearrange another room. That move was so involved, it lasted until the end of the day even with all three of us. It was nice to have a group project where everyone actually kept busy.

After work, Summer and I went to pick up the betta from the library at the junior high, but Jessica had already taken it home because I took too long. From there, we went to Gardner to check out some discard stuff. We ended up taking every bit of it – two full-sized filing cabinets, two bookshelves, a kid’s table, and a couple raised monitor stands. It took us three trips to the junior high to drop off most of that, and then we took the table to Summer’s house for Eaddie. On the way, we stopped to pick up some Taco John’s because we worked up our appetites, then took it back home to eat over an episode of The Office.

There’s an ugly monster in my head that someone put there a long time ago.

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The Long Shot

After a weekend of feeling how I assume this camel must feel, I took a shot and waited for Summer’s bus to get back to town.

Five hours of melting in the sun later, they showed up and I’m happy to report that things worked out. I’ve been bitter and cold for so long that I kind of forgot how not to be. It’s time to raise that guy from the dead. He wasn’t perfect either, but he was definitely less cynical, and probably a bit nicer too. At least he acted like it.

You’re dumb, and I hate you. Welcome home.

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Radio Silence

She said we weren’t good for each other. I asked for some time, and she said she would think about it until the end of the day.
But she had already thought about it for much longer than that. I just didn’t know it.

She said I hurt her feelings when I joked. I asked her if she would talk about things and work on it with me.
She quietly shook her head.

In a relationship that should be two people communicating, she chose not to communicate.

She chose not to work on us, expecting instead to fall into some effortless fairy tale fantasy.

If something is wrong, you have to say something is wrong. You can’t go on telling someone they’re perfect in every way, and then expect them to know that something needs to change. Some people are more compatible than others, but no matter what, every single relationship is a choice. Sometimes that choice requires a lot of hard work.

I wish I had been given a choice at all.

Thanks for your support.

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Premonition

We’ve entered the stage of heavy dreaming and suspicion. I find myself wanting to know absolute truths. Do I question what’s in front of me, or do I just let it go now without a fight? If I fight, is it worth the struggle, or is it best to leave it all behind?

I’m at a disadvantage when I assume the best in people. I’ve grown sarcastic and cynical, yet assume honesty and take everyone else at face value. I guess that’s my fault. Everyone’s got a story. I just wish it wasn’t so hard for people to share it sometimes.

I tried to separate myself this time as a precaution, and I thought it helped at first. Maybe it did. Or maybe it was my undoing.

Or maybe it’s something else entirely.